Girl Behind The Red Door
by justlikebrooke
Summary: The rumors of Brooke being pregnant run rampant. Are they true and in that case, why is she lying to Lucas? Story is set just after ep. 4x04 and centers around Brucas.
1. Coming From Where I'm From

**Authors note: This is my first fanfic so i'm not really sure what I'm doing... well...  
I of course don't own One Tree Hill but that is obvious.**

**Summery: The story centers around Brooke and Lucas and is set just after ep. 4x04 (Can't Stop This Thing We Started)  
The rumors of Brooke being pregnant run rampant. Are they true and if they are, why is she lying to Lucas? Rachel flips between being a real bitch and a real friend to Brooke, but already in the beginning stuff happens that force Rachel to show her true colors...  
**

* * *

**CHAPTER 1 – Coming From Where I'm From**

Brooke stumbles into the bedroom she shares with Rachel, more tired then she ever thought possible. It's dark in here. She figures that Rachel probably is out somewhere, and she breathes out thankfully. After last weeks argument at the party and Rachel's bitchy behavior since then, she's done her very best to avoid the bitch. She shrugs with irritation, remembering Rachel's threats by the pool. They had been cleaning up after the party and she had told Rachel of for flirting with Nathan and trying to come between him and Haley, but Rachel's response had not been what she expected.

(flashback)

"_Rachel! Trying to steel a girl's boyfriend is bad enough. Trying to steel a girl's husband is unacceptable! Especially when the couple is Nathan and Haley, they've been through enough!" _

"_Yea? Well I'll make a note of that in my 'mind your on business-stationary!'"_

"_No, because as one of Haley's bridesmaids, making sure the stay together IS my business! So back off! She might be too classy to fight you but I'll kick your little ass!!"_

"_No I think you'll stay out of that…"_

"_Really? Why is that?"_

"_Because you're pregnant. …So… Who is the father? Lukas?"_

"_You don't know jack, unless he's one of those guys whose beanstalk you climbed the other night."_

"_You're gonna kiss your unborn baby with that mouth? Huh? _

_Come on Brooke. You have been begging me to find out! You haven't been drinking. You're making maternity-clothes… Oh, and I found the pamphlets from Plan Parenthood in your nightstand. What is that by the way, bedtime reading? The story of the knocked up cheerleader?"_

"_You were looking trough my drawers?"_

"_MY house, MY drawers! And I was looking for condoms, something you probably should have been doing!"_

"_I am NOT having this conversation with you!"_

"_I was talking to your baby…"_

She had been furious at Rachel for saying those things to her, and in front of Mouth no less. Damn it, she's still furious. And then yesterday night at the Tric… Gosh! Just when she had started to think of Rachel as a friend, even a close friend, she pulls a stunt like that. It's getting clear that the girl has another agenda then being friendly. Anyway, Rachel's plastic nose sticking into her business is the last thing she needs right now.

Without turning on the lights she pulls the sweater over her head and throws it over a nearby chair, letting her jeans just fall where she stands. Completely exhausted she falls into bed.

And that's when the lights flicker on by the bed across the room and her redheaded roommate sits up to watch her coldly.

"So, runaway… Where have you been all evening? Of to anymore nightly adventures or are you ready to talk yet?"

Brooke just sighs.

"Rach, don't start. I'm really tired; I just want to sleep for a week.

A smug grin falls over Rachel's face. "Of course you do, mommy dearest. You know, that happens when you're pregnant."

"Hey Rachel, newsflash… Tudor-wife is the one who's preggers. It was official yesterday but maybe your stupid ass missed that memo?" She buries her head into the pillow trying to block out the room around her. "And you have a lot of nerve bringing this up again since you even told me last night that it was you who spread out the rumor in the first place! I've had that Clean Teen-girl harassing me all week, remember?"

But Rachel puts her feet on the floor as if getting ready to get up and her voice gets a little softer.

"Rumor, my ass… Look B, why don't you just admit it? Like I told you the other week by the pool, I found your pamphlets and all you've been doing the last two weeks is sleeping. Maybe Haley is pregnant but that doesn't mean that you're not."

"Just shut up. I just need lots of beauty sleep, okay?" Wasn't the bitch ever going to give up?

"That's weird Brooke, 'cause after all that sleep you still look like shit, no offense…"

She wants to get up and slap Rachel across the face but she is way too tired to even move. However angry she is, she's feeling her body drift of to sleep. "I really don't want to talk about this…" she mumbles, "but even if I did, I wouldn't talk to a marriage-destroying redhead without a life…"

Unwillingly Rachel crawls back in under her covers and turns of the light.

"Whatever Brooke. You don't have to be a bitch. I just figured you needed someone to talk to…"

But Brooke is already sleeping. And as Rachel closes her eyes she thinks that it's probably for the best. At least this way she won't have to listen as Brooke cries herself to sleep again.

* * *

The school corridors are scattered with teenagers trying to find their way to first period. 

Brooke waves to familiar faces, throwing fake smiles left and right, while throwing her things into her locker. Then shuts it before she plasters on a happy face and heads towards her algebra-class. A hung over-like headache is throbbing in the back of her head and she tucks her math-books under her arm, trying to forget the fact that it's only Monday.

She hates Mondays. Double Algebra and history before lunch. English Lit-class and Spanish in the afternoon before two and a half hours of cheer-practice, which is usually her favorite part of the day, but today she just doesn't feel like cheering. And today being captain of the cheerleaders isn't going to help her. She can't blow of practice today; she did that twice last week. And she can't cancel either since the upcoming game against Bear Creek calls for an even harder practice than usual.

Someone walks up beside her.

"So you were out early this morning… I thought you said you needed your beauty sleep"

Rachel. Brooke grits her teeth and picks up the pace, hoping that Rachel will fall behind, but no luck. "Yea, I had some stuff to take care of."

They walk past Lukas and Haley and she gives Haley a small wave and a soft;

"Hey Tudor-girl…"

But then she looks into the ground before meeting Lukas' eye. Rachel raises an eyebrow and is just about to spit out some snide remark about her odd behavior but Brooke gives her an icecold look and for once Rachel actually gets the hint and shuts up.

They turn the corner to the cafeteria and the smells of coffee, pizza and pastries all blend together in the air and a sudden attack of nausea hits Brooke. She covers her mouth with her hand and runs into the nearby restroom. She can hear Rachel call her name but ignores her to make it in time. She runs into one of the stalls and has just enough time to kick the door semi-closed behind her before she bends over the toilet and throws up. Kneeing over the porslin bowl she keeps on hurling and moments later she feels someone's hands gathering her hair.

"Please, don't let it be Luke" she thinks and she closes her eyes before the next wave comes and she throws up again.

But the voice that softly reassures her that everything will be okay belongs to her redheaded roommate, and that's kind of equally bad. Because after this, convincing Rachel that she's fine will be impossible.

"Damn it" she mumbles, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

Maybe it would be nice to tell someone… But then again, maybe not. Rachel is a bitch and thinking about her words the other morning helps her to remember that, before she goes all soft and starts crying against Rachel's shoulder or something.

(flashback)

"_Look Rachel, I told you. I'm not pregnant!"_

"_Whatever you say… But you can't have the baby. You'd be a terrible mother."_

"_Why would I be a terrible mother?"_

"_Because we all turn into our parents. I mean, as soon as Brooke Junior hits puberty Brooke Senior hits South Beach."_

"_I will not!"_

"_I thought you said you weren't pregnant?"_

* * *

Haley takes out her biology-book from her bag and puts it in the locker, thinking of Brooke. She had looked angry when Haley waved back at her and she is now left of feeling bad that her friend has caught her there laughing with Lucas. She knows Brooke is hurting, even though she doesn't know the whole story of the break-up. 

Luke has turned awfully quiet at the sight of his ex and she'd watched him make a strange face when Brooke walked by without even as much as offering him a hello.

"Are you two still not talking?" she asks softly, patting his arm.

"I've tried but she's being really weird…"

"What do you mean?"

Lucas thinks about week before last. About what she said to him when she came over to his house and just dumped him, out of the blue. Or maybe not out of the blue, there had been the kiss-thing with Peyton, but he and Brooke had been good lately and he thought that she would understand why that had happened.

Brooke had come over the evening after the wedding, when him and Peyton had been listening to music at his place, and when Peyton left Brooke had just looked at him, as if she was disappointed.

(flashback)

"_I tried to call you…" he said, thinking that she was probably angry for finding him with Peyton so soon after he told her about the library-kiss._

"_You mean when you weren't hanging out with Peyton?"_

"_Come on Brooke, you never called me back…"_

"_Now you know how I feel." She snapped back, still looking angry but at the same time tired… Sad. _

"_Listen" she continued softer," I know it's been hard for you lately. Loosing Keith and your heart condition and giving up basketball… I feel like I've been keeping you close to me to try to protect you from those things… Like I'm hanging on to the two of us for you. But not for me."_

"_I'm SORRY I kissed Peyton! I should have told you…" _

_He felt tired too. Tired of her bringing the old Peyton-drama up every time they had the smallest argument, but she cut him of._

"_It's not even about that Luke! It's not. …I thought that it was but it's not about her. It's about ME. I love you Lukas."_

_He smiled when she said that and he thought that at least one thing was constant, but then she had kept going. _

"…_And I probably always will… but we go days without having a meaningful conversation, and I used to miss you soo much when that happened… but it never seemed like you missed me… And I guess because of it I stopped missing you. I mean, look at today… It shouldn't be like this Luke…"_

_It wasn't until that point that he saw that her eyes were filled with tears. He had started getting worried then, where was she going with this? "Brooke…" he said, trying to buy some time. But she just smiled sadly. _

"_I'm sorry… I can't do this anymore…"_

"I just don't understand her…" he says to Haley, leaning towards the lockers. "Last week, at the party at Rachel's house, I asked her why she never fought for me when she always wants me to fight for her. But she just said she weren't going to… I don't know Hales… It just feels like I've missed something. And then there is all that shit with the pregnancy rumors…" He sighs.

"I pissed her of royally last night when I took for granted that the supposed baby was Chris Keller's."

Haley looks at him sadly before linking her arm in his.

"But that was before I told you that it was me who was pregnant. You didn't know and she was just protecting me… She wasn't lying."

"Are you sure?"

He can see that she is trying to stand up for Brooke and he understands where Haley's coming from, even if he feels like she should be on his side. Brooke is being stubborn and he's just starting to get tired of her crap. Haley should see that, shouldn't she?

"I been trying to explain everything to her, but after that argument she's kind of avoiding me" he says and watches the corner that Brooke and Rachel turned minutes ago. He's still trying to decide on whether or not he should go after her.

"She's still beautiful though…" he says and sighs.

"Of course she is. It's Brooke Davis we're talking about here…" Haley says softly, and somehow he can't shake off the feeling that there is something that Haley's not telling him. But with Brooke obviously not even being able to look at him, that really didn't matter. He was probably screwed anyway.

* * *

"Thanks Rach, but you can go to class now…" Brooke mumbles still bending over the toilet. 

She feels dizzy and tired and she just wants to be left alone. She's even thinking about taking the car straight back home. With being sick on top of everything else, this day was going to turn out really crappy anyway.

Rachel lets go of her hair but doesn't leave the bathroom. Instead she gives Brooke some paper towels and leans against the wall, watching her with a curious face. The staring annoys her.

"I said, you can go now. I'll be fine and it's no need for both of us to be late for algebra, right?" This time a little more sharpness in her voice. But Rachel still stands.

"No way Brookie. I'm not leaving here till you tell me exactly what's going on. And by the way, since when does either of us care about being in time for algebra?"

Brooke slowly stands up on wobbly legs and holds on to the cold clinkery wall for support, not wanting to show Rachel how shaken she really feels. And as always when she feels vulnerable her old bitchy self pops up.

"Just go Rachel! Don't fuck with me right now! Seriously, take that use-to-be-fat-ass out of here before I slap you!" she snaps but Rachel just smirks at her.

"You wouldn't."

Brooke raises her signature eyebrow. "Try me."

They stare at each other coldly and anger is fueling up inside her for real now. Mainly because she knows that the girl standing in front of her is one of few, maybe even the only one, who isn't scared off by her bitchy temper and angry outbursts.

God, why had she even moved in with the girl? She had known from day one that it meant trouble. But it had kind of been the only resolution to her housing problems at that point, with Peyton being the way she was and herself breaking up with Lukas. And truthfully, most of the time it had been fun. Rachel reminded so much of her self sometimes that it was actually scary. Damn, if Rachel had lived in Tree Hill from the get go, Brooke would probably have had to fight a lot more for her social status as the queen of Tree Hill High school. But right now, their likeness is completely annoying. Rachel is seeing right through her mask and she hates it.

Finally Rachel is the one who looks away and without saying anything else she sighs and walks away. Brooke congratulates her self silently for still being able to put the redhead in place, but right then Rachel turns in the doorway.

"You really are a mean slut Brooke. But don't forget; So am I. You know where I am if you need me…"

For a second Brooke just holds her breath, and then, when Rachel closes the door behind her, she slowly lets it out. There had been something in Rachel's eyes that she couldn't read. With her arms wrapped around her self she thinks that maybe, just maybe, she has just closed out someone who cares.  
But the real question is, how do you know who cares? For real.

* * *

first chapter! What do you think? Since I've nerver done this it would be helpful with rewievs. :) 


	2. Hard To Love You

**Authors note: The text in the flashbacks and the song lyrics are tilted to make it easier to separate, but you guys probably figured that out... **

* * *

**CHAPTER 2 – Hard to Love You**

Algebra has already started when Brooke pushes open the door and sneaks in. She mouths a silent "I'm sorry" to the teacher and Mr. Jennings gives her an irritated look but seems to decide that the interruption of him scolding her of for her tardiness isn't worth it. Instead he turns back to the board and the math-problem at hand.

Most of the students don't even look up as she cruises between the benches and sits down next to Tim, they're used to her being late without being told off, it's one of the perks being her popular self. But Rachel gives her a long look for not choosing to sit in the empty seat next to her and Brooke rolls her eyes.

"Just leave me alone", she thinks and opens her books. "I don't need your guilt trips on top of everything else."

But Rachel's questioning eyes burns in the back of her head, making it even harder then usual to concentrate at the numbers.

She zombies her way through the two hours, mostly daydreaming and sketching on ideas for clothes in her notepad. And when the bell rings she's the first one leaving the classroom. Rachel doesn't follow her so maybe she finally got the message.

History is equally slow but this time it's someone else's eyes that ruin her concentration. Haley's. They sit next to each other as always and even though they're not talking, she can feel Haley looking at her and she feels a sting of bad conscience in her stomach. She hasn't really talked to her friend in days, and with the closeness they shared the last couple of weeks when she was the only one knowing about Haley's pregnancy, it feels really weird. Especially since Haley is now the one looking worried. She feels bad that she haven't told Haley the whole truth, but what can she do? She really doesn't want her to get stuck in the oncoming shit between her self and Lukas…

She smiles at Haley reassuringly and makes a mental note to try harder with looking happy and normal around her. Because she knows what Haley is thinking. She's thinking that she is mad at her for hanging out with Lukas earlier in the corridor, and that's not true of course. Haley is a great friend, the best one even, and Brooke knows that Haley would never pick sides between her self and Luke. And she doesn't deserve being worried now that she is carrying hers and Nathans baby.

At first Haley doesn't seem to fall for it but Brooke broadens her smile, dimples in full effect, and finally her friend seems reassured.

The rest of the day passes quicker. And even though everything in the cafeteria makes her nauseus (leaving her to have just half of an apple and a bottle of water) and she gets a D on her Spanish-test, she feels better. At least being with Haley makes the afternoon a lot better then the morning had started out.

"You ready for cheer practice?" she asks almost giddily as the bell rings and they gather up their spanish-books.

"I'm sorry Tigger… I have a doctors appointment. Nathan is picking me up in ten minutes."

"He's skipping basketball practice?"

"Yea. Whitey lets him off. He really wanted to come since he missed the last one. You know the one you took me to… and anyways, Nathan doesn't really want me to do cheer practice anymore because of the pregnancy and all."

She looks a bit embarrassed but Brooke hugs her and smiles.

"Don't worry friend, your place on the squad is safe. See you tomorrow, alright?"

Haley nods and hugs her back before disappearing down the hallway. Brooke puts her books back in the locker, then grabs the bag with her gym-clothes and heads towards the gym, but slows down as she sees Lukas and Peyton, both with the same bag as her thrown over their shoulders. Fuck… She had totally forgotten about him being back on the team.

"This will be fun…" She sighs under her breath.

Suddenly the afternoon is back to bad.

* * *

Rachel is stretching towards the bleachers, watching Brooke and Lukas bickering it out on the floor. She can hear them clearly, and so can probably the rest of both cheer- and basketball teams, but even for those who can't hear the conversation it's clear by their looks that they're fighting. And they've been at it for almost the entire water break.

Brooke's eyes are dark with anger, hands firmly attached to her hips as she spits out insults, but as she launches at him again he interrupts her tiredly.

"You think you could quit being a total bitch for two minutes so we can talk?"

"Think you could pull your head out of your ass for that long?"

Lukas lets out a load sigh. "God! Brooke, there's nothing going on between me and Peyton, so why are you so angry?"

"Well, there is nothing going on between you and me either, so why are you still here?" And with that she turns on the spot and comes back towards the squad.

Rachel stops the stretching and meets her half way.

"Way to go girlfriend. You told him off!" she smirks but then, for a short second, Brookes mask falls and she sees how sad the brunette girl really is. Chocked, she starts thinking that the whole anger-scene had just been Brooke acting, and if that's the case her roommate deserves an Oscar.

"But if Brooke isn't angry with Luke", she thinks "then why the hell had she broken up with him? And why was she trying so hard to piss him off?"

She watches as Brooke gathers herself a short moment before she goes back to ruling her team by screaming at the girls to get back to practice. Even in just skimpy shorts and a little tank top the petite girl upholds herself like royalty and Rachel has to silently compliment Brooke's way of holding it together. She her self would probably not do as good. Maybe that's why she gets so angry when she sees Peyton standing in the back smiling evilly and Rachel shoots her ice cold looks. Peyton must have heard the fight too and now she is all up in the clouds over the fact that the gap between Brooke and Lukas just keeps getting wider.

"Hey fake-blond! Stop looking so happy. It's not like you're ever getting a chance with Luke." she shouts as she follows Brooke into a quick warm up run. "Move your skinny anorectic ass instead. I don't want to be here all day because of your lovesick drooling!"

In the corner of her eye she sees Brooke glancing at her thankfully and she smiles back at her, still jogging. Brooke is a complete bitch and annoying as hell at times, but she's becoming a friend. And as far as she's concerned, Peyton has joined the enemy-team long ago. She picks up the pace until she's jogging beside Brooke who smiles tiredly.

"Thank's for having my back Rach… If I so much as have to look at that bitch's whiny puppy-face one more time today I am going to turn suicidal. She makes me nauseous!"

* * *

It's been the longest day and as Brooke walks towards the car after practice is over, she just can't stop yawning. She is hungry as a wolf since breakfast had been out of the question and lunch had consisted of solely an apple. Without any food and almost three hours of hard training she now feels her stomach churn in pain as it demands feeding. Rachel is walking right behind her, talking in her cell phone with some guy and giggling.

"Rach, I have to stop at the café and get some food." she says over her shoulder. "Do you want a ride home or do you have your own car?"

Rachel snaps her phone shut and slides up beside her.

"Ride, please. You know my car is still at the garage and I had to walk to school this morning since you bailed on me before the crack of dawn."

"I'm sorry."

She opens the door on the driver's side and gets into the car. Thinking that she probably should tell Rachel she's sorry about being a bitch earlier too, when she helped her in the bathroom. But it can wait.

She starts up the car and the radio starts playing. While turning left up on main street she hears Rachel telling her about some guy she met the other night in a bar and her thoughts drift of. To Lukas and their fight earlier in the gym. She hadn't meant for it to go that far but it really hurt her that he thought her breaking up with him only had to do with him kissing Peyton that day in the library. And it all makes her so angry. Doesn't he know her better than that? After months of being both friends and lovers with her, can't he see that she has bigger problems?

(flashback)

"_Brooke…"_

_Lukas comes up to her over the basketball court as she taking big gulps of water from her bottle and she sets it down on the bench._

"_Lukas."_

"_Is this how it's going to be from now on? You not even talking to me? Why are you mad at me?"_

_She doesn't look up. Instead she wipes the sweat of her forehead with a clean towel._

"_I'm not mad, I just don't have anything to say to you…" _

_He looks at her, sad expression on his face and she feels a tug at her heart for hurting him, maybe she could try harder to not be so harsh… but then she sees his eyes wonder of to Peyton who's standing a couple of feet away. It's just for a second but the glance reminds her. Makes her stronger. He realizes that she saw him look and he flinches._

"_I'm not getting together with Peyton, if that's what you think" he says softly. _

_But it's too late. And it's not enough. The little tug is long gone._

"_Maybe you should have thought about that before…" Her voice is colder now and she turns to get back to her team but he grabs her by the arm._

"_Brooke! Talk to me. What the fuck is wrong with you? Peyton kissed ME. I didn't do anything wrong!"_

"_It's not all about you, you know! The world is actually not revolving around you and your precious Peyton Sawyer!" _

_He opens his mouth, then closes it again, looking really confused. And that's when she starts yelling._

She shakes her head to clear her thoughts and parks outside Karen's Café. She can see Lukas through the big windows, sitting by the counter reading a book just as he used to do in the beginning when they just started dating. She sighs.

"Could you go in and get the food to go?" she asks Rachel who is now playing with her phone again. "I really don't want to talk to Luke after today's practice…"

Rachel nods and gets out of the car. "What do you want me to buy?"

"Whatever is fine. Thanks."

She watches her roommate walk into the café and turns her attention to the car stereo. Pushing play on the cd-player so that The Wrecker's 'Hard to Love You' fills the air.

* * *

Maybe she thinks that he doesn't see her, but he can see her clearly through the window. It's dark outside but the light in the car makes it possible for him to see even her facial expression. She looks tired, even more so then she had during practice, and for the third time today he wonders what's going on with that ex-girlfriend of his.

He sees Rachel stepping out on her side of the car, saying something to Brooke through the open window before walking towards the entrance, but Brooke stays sitting in the car. He can see her closing her eyes and leaning her head back towards the seat. Beautiful, but still somewhat broken.

Ex-girlfriend… What the hell had happened in the last couple of weeks that had led to this? Her not being able to come in to his mother's café because he was sitting in here. Even if she stopped loving him, couldn't they at least be friends?

The bell at the top of the door wakes him from his thinking and he looks up at Rachel who is coming up to the counter.

"Hey Rach…" he says with a smile and she gives him a quick hug.

"Hey Luke."

"Brooke's not coming in huh?"

"No… sorry…"

He shrugs his shoulders and takes a sip from his coffee while she orders. He can feel the looks his mother is giving him from the other side of the counter-top but he pretends not to notice. Instead he keeps locking at Rachel.

"So, do you know why she is so upset with me?"

Rachel smirks. "You mean besides all the stuff with Peyton?"

"Yeah…"

She shakes her head no sincerely and picks up the bags that his mother is handing her. He believes her. But then she comes over and puts a hand on his shoulder and with lowered voice, so that Karen doesn't hear her, she says;

"You screwed up big this time boytoy… I mean you were sharing a bed with the hottest girl in all of Tree Hill, after me of course, and ended up loosing her. For the second time. I hope you become happy with that skanky blond girl."

"But Brooke was the one who broke up with me!"

Rachel smirks.

"If that's what you like to tell yourself…"

Then she's out the door and heading back to the car.

He goes back to watching Brooke through the window until they drive away. He's confused, still even angry at her for all the shit she's been pulling recently, but in the back of his mind he knows Rachel is right. He had been the one who messed up. Again.

"I really am sorry, pretty girl" he mouths to the disappearing rear-lights and takes another sip of the coffee. But now it's gotten cold.

* * *

Rachel steps back into the car and Brooke turns the key in the ignition as Rachel looks disgusted over the choice of music.

"Brooke Davis! What the fuck? Are you turning all Peyton on me or what's with this broody-ass music?!" She stretches to change the radio station but stops when she hears Brooke.

"Please don't…"

_Why do you make it hard to love you_

_Why can't you even start to try_

_Cause now I feel the bridges burning_

_And all the smoke gets in my eyes_

The plead is weak, almost not audible over the music, and Brooke's just staring out on the empty road before her. Rachel leans back against the headrest and listens.

_I realize I never let you know me_

_I always wanted to be right_

_Took a mistake to really show me_

_Exactly what they were like…_

_I've been wrong but I'm been changing_

_I've been wondering what to do_

_Here I am alone and waiting_

…_for you…_

Tears are forming in Brookes eyes without her noticing it, not until one falls over onto her cheek, and she hurriedly wipes it away. Rachel reaches over and touches her arm.

"Brookie… don't cry. What's going on? You're making me kind of worried here…"

_Why do I try to make them happy_

_Why am I always playing nice_

_It isn't easy trying to tell you_

_Exactly what is on my mind…_

But she can't help it. More and more tears are coming and soon her cheeks are wet. Trying to concentrate on the road she furiously wipes them away with her shirtsleeve but more just keeps spilling over.

_I've been wrong but I'm been changing_

_I've been wondering what to do_

_Here I am alone and waiting_

_For you_

_I've been wrong but I've been waiting here_

…_For you_

Finally she can't stop her self from sobbing outloud and Rachel turns of the music completely, thinking that the song is the biggest reason for Brooke breaking apart. They're just turning into the driveway outside of Rachel's house and Brooke stops the car, falling over the staring wheel while crying so helplessly that Rachel finds her self stroking her softly over her back without knowing what else to do.

It takes minutes before she calms down enough to speak but then she looks up at Rachel, eyes red and puffy and looking much younger than her just eighteen years.

"I really need to tell you something Rach" she whispers.

* * *

Please rewiev. Thanks 


	3. Beautifully Broken

**Authors note: Thanks for the rewievs so far! It's nice to see that i'm not the only brucas-fan nowadays...**

**Just one little thing before ch.3; I know that my grammar, spelling and choise of words is sometimes a bit off. This is because I'm swedish and english is not my first language. I hope you guys can overlook it. Should it be any unclaritys, just ask. :)**

* * *

**CHAPTER 3 – Beautifully Broken**

Even though she's been suspecting it for weeks, Rachel is chocked. Some part of her really expected her intuition to have been wrong. Especially after the last couple of days, with Haley confessing to being the one that the rumors concerned, and Brooke being so convincing.

Before this morning, when she'd held Brooke's hair while she was throwing up, she had almost told her self she'd been wrong. And even after that little restroom-incident she was starting to think that she was going to have to apologize for jumping to conclusions. That maybe Brooke just had stomach-bug. But now she knows for sure. Without a doubt.

She watches Brooke who's staring out into space and she shakes her head unbelievingly.

"You're fucked Brooke… This is soo messed up…"

"Ha! You're a smart one redhead! You don't think I know that?!"

Brooke turns towards her and shoots off a fake smile, drying of the last tears with the back of her hand. Her face is back to her normal cocky self and no longer so young and innocent-looking.

"I bet you're dying to say 'I told you so' so go ahead, now's your chance" she says.

Rachel actually feels a bit guilty. She had told Brooke the other day that she was going to become a terrible mom. And it feels much too harsh now. She hadn't really been serious either. She was just trying to make Brooke pissed enough to tell the truth.

"Come on Brooke, I wouldn't say that…" she tries but Brooke is looking out the front window again.

"Hey, what do you say about continuing this discussion inside over food? You said you were hungry, right?"

Brooke doesn't answer but she opens the car-door and gathers her stuff so Rachel takes that as a yes.

They walk inside and she puts the food she bought at Karen's on the kitchen counter. Brooke takes out plates and forks in silence and then starts to open up the different food containers.

Rachel seats herself at the table and pulls one of the plates over to her side.

"So… I'm guessing you haven't told Luke."

"Nope."

----------------

Brooke sits down across the table from Rachel but keeps her eyes on the food. Rachel's eyes are seeking hers but she doesn't look up. She doesn't want any more questions. But she just keeps on going.

"Well, are you going to? I mean you guys have to talk about this, right?"

"No we don't. And you don't have to talk to me about this either… I just told you since you looked kind of freaked out about my emotional break-down in the car. But I'm fine now and I just want to eat and go to bed."

This isn't entirely true, but being all emotional and vulnerable in front of Rachel isn't easy. Crying isn't usually a thing Brooke does, not in front of whoever. Maybe a few well behaved tears in front of a guy to get what she wants, but never the whole break-down thing with red puffy eyes and uncontrollable sobbing.

In the past Peyton had been the one person Brooke could cry with. Peyton had been the one who was allowed to console her and no one else. Recently she had started to learn to trust Lucas with her tears, but as of lately she's only cried when she was alone or when Rachel was sleeping.

To cry or to be too emotional in front of people showed weakness and she couldn't afford to be weak right now.

Rachel looks a little hurt by her latest comment and Brooke sighs.

"Okay, I'm sorry. I know you mean well. It's just that you're asking me all these questions that I don't even have the answers to myself yet… As you said, this is messed up. I messed up..."

Her bottom lip starts trembling and she puts the fork down on the plate. Rachel reaches over the table and puts her hand on top of hers.

"You AND Lucas… You were two who created the mess…"

* * *

Lucas can't sleep. Still, when Peyton calls on his cell phone he pretends to be asleep and doesn't pick up. He doesn't want to talk to her tonight. She's been a little too 'hands on' lately, in a somewhat strange way, and he just wants to be alone. 

The picture of Brooke outside in the car is etched onto the inside of his eyelids and every time he closes his eyes, he sees her sitting there, with her forehead wrinkled in deep creases instead of her usual happy dimpled smile.

Something is wrong with her, he's sure of it. He just has to figure out what it is. Brooke always thinks he doesn't know her well enough and he has always brushed it off, thinking that he did.

He knows her favorite ice-cream, he knows what shops she likes to visit when she's at the mall. He knows she misses her parents and that she's afraid of spiders even though she'd never ever admit it, not even to him. He knows she's strong, courageous and will-powered and that she's loyal beyond anything.

Still. Tonight he starts to think that maybe she's right. If he knew her well enough he should be able to tell what is wrong.

Brooke being sad and depressed could also be wishful thinking on his account, he thinks as he's laying in his bed, watching the ceiling. Because deep inside he's hoping that maybe she's just this down over their break-up. But it doesn't make sense and he's aware of that. If that was the case she probably wouldn't have broken up with him in the first place. And also, she wouldn't avoid him like she did.

He rolls around to free himself from the covers and sits up. There's no use trying. Sleep just doesn't want to come tonight. Again he's thinking about the rumors about her being pregnant, but Haley's confession to him the other night had taken care of that, right?

And even if Haley hadn't come to him and told him that SHE was the one being pregnant, not Brooke, he had still asked Brooke twice about it. The first time at the wedding when he found that pregnancy-test in her purse, and she had promised him she wasn't. The second time had been at the Lupe Fiasco-consert at Tric, just days ago. Peyton came and told him about the rumors and he had confronted her again.

"_Is it true?"_

"_Uh, that didn't take long… Luke, I told you I wasn't pregnant! Alright? You think I would lie to you?" _

_She looked hurt. Sad._

"_It wouldn't be the first time…" He felt the way she looked._

"_No, the first time actually, I lied and said that I WAS pregnant. ALSO, the first time, you were sneaking around behind MY back with Peyton."_

"_Brooke this is my decision to!"_

_She was angry now and he could see it. _

"_Really? As though you're the only guy I ever slept with?!"_

"_Chris Keller…"_

"_Huh? You know what, don't talk to me!" She got up and left him alone at the table._

Haley said Brooke was only protecting her and that he shouldn't be mad, but it had been really hard not to. Especially with the mental pictures of his former girlfriend in bed together with that asshole.

He listens to the nightly sounds outside of his window and wonders what she doing right now. Probably sleeping, he thinks. But she could also be in a bar somewhere, partying with Rachel and flirting with someone like she used to flirt with him.

He still has the picture of them both on his nightstand and he looks at it briefly before turning out the light. He doesn't need to though. He never needed pictures of Brooke to remember how she looked. Her face is etched in his mind.

He reaches for his cell phone, a sudden urge to hear her voice, and dials the number. The signals keep sounding but she doesn't pick up.

* * *

Rachel watches her friend who is now finally asleep, tucked in beside her self in the same bed, not wanting to sleep alone. "You must be so afraid…" she whispers stroking Brooke over the cheek. And curled up into a sleeping ball, Brooke looks nothing like the coldhearted bitch that she has been portraying lately. More like the total opposite. 

It's still kind of weird thinking that she and Brooke are becoming friends, being archenemies not far back. But it all seems so long ago now and she is still so thankful to Brooke for being there for her at the hospital after the car-accident and everything with Cooper.

The hospital-stay had been a real eye-opener for Rachel, seeing that Brooke and Mouth had been the only two people to come see her. And Brooke hadn't even had any reason to do so. Mouth yes, because he was her friend, but Brooke? God, she and her had hated etch other fiercely not that long ago. She's not regretting that she let Brooke move in and she smiles at the memory, remembering Brooke sitting next to her on her hospitalbed.

"_I brought you back your house-keys… It's a very nice house. Big rooms, no parents… I used to have one of those." _

_Rachel sighs. "Keep 'em." _

_Brooke looks confused._

"_I mean, you moved out of Peytons place, right? You might as well crash at my house. …Unless you don't want to."_

_Smiling first, Brooke says; "So this is what it looks like when hell freezes over?" but then she gets serious. _

"_Thanks Rachel… Thank you."_

"When hell freezes over…" Rachel thinks. That had been such a typical Brooke-thing to say.

They had never gotten to it. Because after arriving in the driveway, but still sitting in the car, Brooke had told her the well kept secret. She had been crying first but when she calmed down she had been almost strangely held together. She told Rachel about finding out she was pregnant just hours before that backstabbing slut Peyton had told her about having feelings for Lucas, and then being forced to keep it all bottled up during the ceremony and the aftermath of the accident.

When Brooke had consoled Rachel in the hospital she had already known, still she had unselfishly been there for her. And that makes her wishing that she hadn't been so though towards Brooke lately.

Apart from others Rachel thinks she's starting to understand why Brooke had gone and broken up with Lucas. Especially after seeing him earlier at the café. He on the other hand had seemed completely oblivious as to why it had happened.

But some bits of the puzzle are still missing. One thing she still can't understand is why Brooke hadn't told Haley. Haley was even in the same situation, or maybe not quite… Haley was married and she had Nathan. And she had her family. Brooke had no one.

Brooke stirs in her sleep and Rachel pulls up the covers around her before settling in to sleep herself. And just when she's drifting of a thought grabs her.

"Brooke" she whispers, poking the brunette gently.

"Umm…"

"Have you told Mouth about you being knocked up?"

"Yea, I had to," Brooke mumbles still half in her sleep. "He was the only one thinking that I would be a good mother…"

Even though it fits in with Mouths odd behavior lately, Rachel still can't believe that he didn't tell her… Or actually, come to think of it, he had. Suddenly she realizes that he had tried talking to her about it the other night at Tric but she had been too much into the performing rapper to really listen. She had just thought that he had picked it up from the rumor she her self had spread to the 'Clean Teens'.

He must have thought she was the coldest person in the world with the answer she gave him.

"_I know about Brooke… I know about her being pregnant… Rachel, what are we going to do?"_

"_Tell you what, you drive her to the clinic. I'll pick her up."_

_Mouth just looked at her strangely._

"_Come on Mouth, there's no way Brooke and Lukas are ready to have a baby."_

Rachel closes her eyes again trying for the third time to get to sleep. And even though she and Brooke haven't really talked about what Brooke wants to do, she is still pretty sure about her last remark. Brooke and Luke are in no way ready, not even close.  
Especially not Lucas.

* * *

How about it? Was it okay? 


	4. Hold You in My Arms

**Authors note:** I must say that I'm happy that you like the story so far. I realize that I've put up four chapters in three days which is probably rushing thing a bit much but it's so much fun to get reviews from you guys. Especially those telling me exactly what you like and don't like, and those where you tell me what you want to happen next.

Anyways, I'm trying to take my time with the story to make it as realistic as possible so this chapter is mostly one for building the characters and their relationships to each other, but as of next chapter, look out for some drama!

**Wishinonastar**: Thanks! And I think you'll like one thing near the ending of this chapter, but I'm telling you, this is just an appetizer. The real scolding comes later… Mwoahahaa…

**Brucas46forever & ShadowOfMyWords**: thanks for pointing out mistakes in spelling and grammar.

**pOoLbEeRtAtToOs**: Thanks for reassuring me when I was nervous and new 

**BrucasForeva, goober396, eemah, emily, B.Davis and Yudelka165**: You are so sweet!

And last of all **Cyn**: I can't really throw Peyton under a bus (even though it's not a bad idea)  but let me see what can do… I promise you that I'll try to come up with something appropriate.

* * *

**CHAPTER 4 – Hold You In My Arms**

Brooke wakes up in the crack of dawn and slides out of Rachel's bed and back into her own.

"Enough with this cry-baby attitude!" she thinks before trying to re-enter sleep. "I just need some time to think this over. If I made it by myself this far in life, I'm not going to go crashing down now. Hell I'm a cheerleader; I should have a positive attitude, right?"

But she has to confess, it had been really nice to confide in Rachel last night. When she had finally been able to cut the bitchy attitude it had almost felt like it used to do with Peyton. And it seemed like Rachel actually understood her. Maybe Rachel wasn't so bad.

(flashback)

"_I'm usually not like this… I don't cry, not unless I'm alone!"_

"_Come on Brooke. I see what you mean, but cry all you want. I'm not telling… this is not your ordinary everyday-drama… I NEVER cry but in your situation hey, I would to. You're still in High School, you're knocked up and you don't even have your parents to fall back on…"_

"_Maybe that last thing is a good thing though. My dad would totally flip if he knew about this…"_

"_Are you sure? Maybe he wouldn't even notice. I mean, have your parents even met you?"_

"_Just briefly."_

"_Mmm… I know the feeling. I would be happy if my parents remembered my name."_

It's only a little after 6 am but the sun that shines through the open blinds make it impossible for her to settle and after about half an hour of twisting and turning in the sheets she gets up and walks into the shower. She's feeling a bit sick but sucks it up. If she's to get through this she is going to have to take this day by day and just try harder. Another meltdown like yesterdays is really not an option.

And an hour later she feels a lot better. While putting on her clothes she decides to do something small to thank Rachel for being there for her.

"Good morning friend!" she says cheerily to the confused newly awoken redhead. "Get your former fat-ass out of bed and get ready. I'm taking you to have breakfast down town before school. My treat."

Rachel mutters something into the pillow that sounds like "Fuck off" and "way too early" but then hesitantly climbs out of bed and shuffles into the adjoining bathroom.

When she comes out a quarter of an hour later Brooke is just finishing putting on her make-up and Rachel looks at her seriously.

"How do you feel today? Are you okay?"

Brooke nods with a big fake-smile on at first but when she sees Rachel raise her eyebrow in disbelief she lets it shrink back into a smaller one, more suited with how she really feels.

"It's okay. I'll just have to keep rolling with the punches…"

Rachel bursts out laughing at Brooke's choice of words.

"I can't believe you just said that in a serious sentence!" she giggles and disappears into the closet. "Who do you think you are? Mohammed Ali?"

* * *

"Tuesdays are so much better than Mondays!" Brooke thinks.

First of all, the school day on Tuesdays is much shorter, with just an hour of study-hall between lunch and cheer-practice. And secondly, it's already lunchtime and she hasn't had a single class with either Lucas or Peyton. Before it had of course bugged her royally to go all of Tuesday morning without either best friend or boyfriend, but now she can't be more grateful.

She walks with Rachel and Mouth toward the cafeteria while talking about Hollywood-gossip and she and Rachel is heavily disagreeing on however Ryan Philippe is just hot or really gorgeous. Mouth rolls his eyes at them and then cuts them off saying;

"Hey, don't you think that there are more IMPORTANT things to talk about right now then potentially screwable actors?"

He gives them both a meaning look but Brooke seems to miss the underlying message because she loudly protests;

"Ryan Philippe is NOT just a screwable actor Mouth! He's my new older-guy fantasy! Hallo?! Have you seen Cruel Intentions?"

"Brooke…"

She sees the look the second time, finally she gets it and shoots him an angry look back.

"Not here! We don't talk about that in school. In fact, for your own sake, you should just forget you know that!"

He looks hurt but becomes silent and the all grab their lunch-trays and goes to sit at a table outside. Haley and Nathan are already out there so they join them and pretty soon the chatter is back to the normal high school gossip. Apart from when Haley proudly shows all of them her picture from yesterday's ultrasound. Then Rachel can't seem to help glancing at her.

Brooke pushes the food around on her plate in order to look like she's eating and by only breathing through her mouth and not her nose she's able to sit through the hour without having to run to the bathroom. Mouth keeps looking at her worriedly though and she tries to ignore it by not meeting his gaze. Can't he see that she is really just trying to keep her normal self pieced together for their sake? No, obviously not.

She is saved as the first bell signals the end of lunch-break and they all gather up their stuff to head of in different directions. She's making small talk with Nathan about NCAA Basketball-statistics and isn't really looking where she's going, therefore walking straight into someone and spilling her left over orange-juice all over herself and the other person.

"Watch it!" she snaps angrily before looking right into a male chest clad in a gray hoodie that she would recognize anywhere. She counts to ten not to scream out of frustration before muttering;

"Great… It's you…"

----------

Lucas looks down on her angry face and he has to control himself with all his will-power not to smile at her. Brooke Davis is beautiful even when she's furious.

"Brooke" he says with a nod, acknowledging her before picking up a napkin to dry himself of. "Are you in a hurry?"

"As a matter of fact I am. I have to get to class."

He reaches past her to grab another napkin and gives it to her.

"Oh, I thought we had study-hall together now… We're supposed to be in the library doing research for the paper on English poets."

Of course he realizes that she only says she's going to class to get away from him but he's not giving her the pleasure of knowing that. Instead he picks up his bag and starts walking a couple of steps before turning to watch her. An hour with her in the empty library is exactly what he needs to find out what's bothering her enough to go out of her way to avoid him.

"Are you coming?" he says and hesitantly she starts to follow him.

But study-hall with Brooke is turning out to be the longest hour of his life. She hasn't initiated any conversation since they sat down forty minutes ago and she isn't looking at him either. She's just sitting there, biting her bottom lip, and staring off into the wall.

He tries to offer her coffee but she wrinkles her nose as if disgusted by the thought and declines. And then, when he offers to help her with her dead poets-assignment she silently says "No thank you, I'm fine…" and keeps haphazardly flipping the pages of the wrong book.

Finally he gets up and walks over to the chair next to hers.

"We can't keep doing this Brooke…"

He sits down and pulls his fingers through his hair, making it even more untidy then before.

"…We still have months left of our senior year and we're going to have to see each other in class and at practice almost five days a week. Isn't there some way we could call a truce?"

"We're not at war Luke" she says tiredly.

"You could have fooled me…"

At the sound of his last words she looks up and watching her look so sad is hard. He feels a tug at his heart and just wishes he could make whatever it is that's wrong with her all better.

"Have I done anything to you except for the Peyton-thing?"

His voice is soft but she looks away and lets out a strange little laugh, sort of unwillingly.

"I'm just going through a lot of shit right now…"

"Then why don't you tell me about it Brooke? Maybe I can help?"

For a second he sees something change in the way she looks at him, as if she is actually thinking about trusting him with a secret. But just a she opens her mouth to say something a voice sounds behind them.

"There you are Luke! I've been looking everywhere. You where supposed to go with me to the record-store this period, remember?"

Peyton. He recognizes her tone before even turning around to look and Brooke mouth snaps shut. Damn it! Why did Peyton have to come in right now?

"Oh, hi Brooke" she says in a sugar-sweet tone dripping with sarcasm. She comes over and stands next to him, hand on his shoulder and almost stepping in between him and Brooke. Brooke's of course not answering. As he watches the scene he can't for the world figure out what the hell Peyton is trying to do. It's almost as if she's trying to provoke Brooke into a fight and to physically keep him and Brooke apart. Hadn't she said just yesterday that she missed Brooke immensely and wanted to make amends?

She leans down between them to pick something up out of her bag and over her back he can see how Brooke suddenly starts to look very pale. Almost greenish actually.

"Um… are you okay?" he asks, but before she can answer she makes a face as if she's going to throw up and gets up so fast that her chair falls backwards. Then she covers her mouth with her hand and runs out of the library.

Peyton sighs beside him and shouts after Brooke;

"Come on Davis, way to dramatize!"

He looks up at Peyton, still not understanding what her problem is but he's starting to get angry.

"Peyt, just shut up, okay!"

* * *

Everything makes Brooke nauseous these days. Food-smells, Rachel's incense, the smell of leather from her new handbag. Even the laundry detergent. And as of this afternoon, so does obviously Peyton's perfume. That last coincident could actually be funny if this nausea wasn't starting to drive her crazy.

How is she supposed to have an even remotely normal life when everything around smells twenty times as strongly, and on top of this, smells really bad?

Salads, fruits and Jell-O are about as much as she can eat without puking. All of her Victoria's Secret Body-splash's are tucked away in the back of the bathroom cabinets. And yesterday she had almost thrown up in the gym because the locker room smelled like old socks.

So today she'd been changing for practice in the backseat of her car. And she had changed into a uniform which was washed with a perfume-free softener. Anything to get her life as normal as possible, at least while she was still figuring out what to do.

"If someone sees me they will probably not care that much…" she had thought while trying to cram herself into the uniform in the little confined space of her car. "…it's not like this is the first time I've been half-naked in a backseat."

But now after practice she has to walk through the locker rooms on her way to go drop off the new practice-schedule in Whitey's office. She's looking down at her feet, concentrating on breathing in and out, and that's why she doesn't see Lucas until he's stopping just in front of her.

"Brooke I'm sorry for earlier… and for yesterday" he says softly, his fingers touching her bare shoulder.

"It's okay."

"Are you okay?"

She nods but she's still looking down into the floor so he puts a hand under her chin and lifts it gently in order for her to meet his eyes. Then looks at her in that typical Lucas-like brooding way before he reaches out and pulls her in for an innocent, almost platonic hug.

"I really AM sorry. For everything… You know that, don't you?"

She doesn't move a muscle. She's not even hugging him back, but he's still holding her, and her head is filled with only one thought.

She's not thinking about how much she has missed his touch (even though she has to admit she has) and it's not the thought of him and Peyton or something equally disgusting. It's not even the thought of his lousy apology that he's rambling in her ear.

No, the only thing she can think about when he holds her is that he smells like Lucas – the smell she knows so well – and it's not making her nauseous.

"God! Is this the universe's way of punishing me for earlier sins" she thinks breathing in the wonderful mix of cologne, soap and that other thing that is just 'Luke'. "I can only stand one smell in the entire damn world, and it HAS to be his?"

She feels weak in his arms; like she might collapse. Not physically, more like if she's going to have a mental break-down and give in to his silent pleas of this never ending hug.

As late as lunchtime, she had promised herself that she wouldn't let herself get sucked into this again. In fact, after bumping in to him, she and Rachel had agreed that it was probably best if she just avoided him completely. But already she was about to do it again.

Hell no. She had to be stronger than this.

"Let me go, Luke…" she whispers and pushes back lightly. "…I really need to go."

"I'll drive you."

"No it's fine, I have my car. And Rachel's waiting for me because we're going to the mall and…"

She's rambling and she's not sure why but suddenly his touch and the way he looks at her is making her nervous.

He releases her, somewhat unwillingly and touches her face softly. For a second it looks like he's going to lean in and kiss her but she looks away and starts walking. Tears are burning in her eyes. Every time she has to push him away it hurts so much more, but there is nothing else she can do. Even so, she knows she's going to have to tell him…

* * *

**Authors note: Ok, so as I said this was kind of a filler chapter… but let's just say I have my reasons. It's all connected to the character of Brooke Davis being stubborn, scared and really not in the mood for rushing things, so I just have to take my cue from her, right? R&R Thanks! I think I'm gonna wait for some more reviews before I decide how to write chapter 5.  **


	5. A Perfect Lie

**Authors note: **I'm still loving the reviews. It's great to read what you all think about the story and character's (if they feel realistic or not).

Just a quick note about the story. I know some of you might think that I'm dragging this out but be patient. I'm going to make it up to you with som excellent drama. And of course with brucas lovescenes... just not in this chapter ;)

* * *

**CHAPTER 5 – A PERFECT LIE**

Brooke Davis is drop dead gorgeous. A total bombshell. Killer rack, legs that go on forever, an ass that both guys and girls would die for (for different reasons of course). And the perfect face.

Everything, from the long chestnut-brown hair and the dark green eyes to the signature Brooke-dimples and the peach-soft complexion, is complete and utter perfection. Brooke knows this. Of course she knows.

Being a teenage girl, there's no doubt that she has her insecurities, but none of those has ever revolved around appearances. She realized early that her gorgeous face and hot body could give her anything, being used (and dressed) correctly - and it hasn't proved her wrong yet.

But it could change…

"So, what if I keep the baby and I'll get fat and ugly", she thinks to her self while dressing in her cheer uniform in front of the huge mirror in Rachel's bathroom. "then I would be loosing the one thing about myself that I can completely trust".

Because certain events of lately has shown her that she clearly can't trust either her ex best friend or ex boyfriend. Hell, she can't even trust her own feelings or people-judging skills. And she can certainly not trust her heart. It's kind of like her heart and her brain are being unable to communicate and because of that the rest of her body has to come along for the rollercoaster ride that her relationship with Lucas Scott has become.

She strokes the gap of skin between the minimal top and skirt, finding her abdomen just as flat and toned as usual. But for how long?   
Hopefully at least long enough to decide what to do.

While finishing of her make-up and fixing the small flaws that god might have missed Rachel storms into the room in matching uniform and pom-poms in her hands.

"God, I hate you! How can you be knocked up, heartbroken and nauseous and still look like a million bucks!?" she rants with a whiney, but at the same time playful voice, and Brooke smiles broadly.

"For coming in second, you don't look so bad yourself Rach" she smirks before applying lipgloss and grabbing her bag, tossing in essentials.

But Rachel is obviously not satisfied with that answer. "Seriously… I mean, shit Brooke, you just threw up for twenty minutes straight. And you've been doing that for days now. Still you look like you just stepped out from the glossy pages of a fashion magazine!"

She flops her self down in a chair while waiting for her to finish and mutters;

"I can't wait till you start putting on baby weight…"

"Who's putting on weight?

Haley suddenly appears in the doorway to the bathroom and Brooke gives Rachel a terrified glance before turning to hug her.

"Hi Tudor-wife! How long have you been standing there?"

"Just long enough to hear Rachel talking about someone putting on baby weight… You guys aren't talking about me right?" she says looking down at her petite figure, suddenly very insecure.

"No way Hales! You look gorgeous as always" Rachel reassures her. "I was just trying to get back at Brookie for making fun of my 200 pound past."

Haley laughs. "Okay then!" And Brooke breathes out silently between clenched teeth. That had been way to close.

"Well, lets go girls! I'd say we have some cheering to do" she says, already having the perfect cheerleader smile plastered on to her face.

Rachel and Haley walk out of the bathroom and she follows them, after taking one last glance of her self in the mirror. Yesterday, at the doctor's office, she'd been told she was almost eight weeks along and the clock is ticking. If she isn't going to keep the baby she is going to have to act on it soon.

But not tonight. Tonight is game-night and she has to be able to put all her problems aside. And it's not that hard anymore. To pretend that none of this is actually happening to her. Hell, like Rachel said, she looks great and she's still her normal slim and sexy self.

Just days ago she had been so close to telling Lucas but now she somehow represses being sick all around the clock. It's just once in a while, like now in front of the mirror, that she remembers it. In some way she's starting to think that if she just forgot about being pregnant it would just go away.

* * *

The cheerleaders stand in lines to welcome their players onto the court. It's dark in the gym and the music that's pumping out of the speakers is loud. Rachel who's standing next to Brooke leans over and says, just high enough for Brooke to hear;

"Am I going to have to arrange an intervention for my amnesia-friend?"

"Huh?"

"Aren't little miss Davis forgetting something pretty important that she put on her to-do list nearly two weeks ago?"

She raises an eyebrow but Brooke gives her angry face. "Shut up!"

"Cut it out Brooke. It's a little naïve of you to think you can keep this a secret forever. It's going to be more then obvious soon…"

Nathan comes out on court and they interrupt there little discussion to raise their pom-poms and scream for him but when the crowd settles again Rachel is still at it.

"Seriously Brooke. It's been eight days since you told me and you knew long before that." she hisses over the music. "I'm not trying to be righteous or anything but you NEED to tell him and it needs to happen TONIGHT! You can't carry this around anymore without telling him…"

Brooke waves at her furiously to be quiet because now Lucas is the one who's running between the two lines of girls, and she's scared to death that he's going to hear Rachel's ranting. Or what if someone else heard. Haley would go crazy. If Bevin or Theresa snatched up the news it would be on the schools bulletin-board in seconds… And she doesn't even want to think about what would happen if Peyton found out.

She sees that Lucas checks her out and smiles towards her and without thinking about it she's smiling back, dimples showing. Maybe it's all the tension in the gym. Maybe she's just momentarily having a judgement-glitch but he looks so good in his black and white jersey. And that smile. It reminds her of something…

When she remembers she actually laughs out load.

"Weird Sience!" she shouts at him just as he passes her and he turns and runs backwards. Laughing now to.

"Um… the family jewels!" he shouts back, making that funny voice that he knows she loves.

And when he reaches the middle of the court and the rest of the cheerleaders are screaming his name, jumping and waving, she just stands still watching him and his eyes doesn't leave hers.

"And he doesn't even have a license, Liza…" she mouths quietly hoping he can read her lips.

Rachel watches her worriedly from the left but she can't stop thinking about that night in the bar. Their first date. First kiss. The tattoo.

How the hell had they come from there to the perfect lie she was living now?

* * *

It's half time and Lucas takes big gulps from the water-bottle while Whitey is talking them through the play-strategies for third quarter. He's definitely not listening though. His head is about to burst with thoughts of her. Little fragments of their entire relationship. Kisses, pet-names, things she's told him about herself. Like her love of heat-lightning at night in the summer.

He watches her and wallows in memories of things they've done together, everything from being naked in her neighbors Jacuzzi to going on that roadtrip to New York. All the nights that they've spent on his bed, her laying with her head on his chest while he was reading to her… And of course, getting drunk, tattooed and grounded.

How'd she even come to think of that quote from Weird Science? That night in the pool-hall felt so long ago.

Brooke and her squad are out on the floor doing their routine but when they're finished she comes jogging towards him at the sideline.

"Luke…"

She's a little out of breath, her eyes glimmering and her cheeks a little flushed. And looking at her he feels slightly embarrassed, realizing that this reminds him of other activities. Her face looking just as it does now but in bed with him after he's made love to her.

"Brooke" he acknowledges softly, not giving a shit about the fact that Whitey is giving them both the evil eye.

"Can we talk after the game? I have something I have to tell you…"

"Of course."

Whitey clears his throat loudly. "Miss Davis, could you please stop twisting the head of one of my better players? I need him to concentrate on the game."

Brooke answers "I'm sorry coach Durham" in a serious voice and Lucas has to laugh at how many times she'd been told this. Not just when it came to him but probably all the guys on the team. Brooke in her cheer-outfit could make anyone loose concentration and it was a constant source of frustration for Whitey. Still, he doesn't turn back to his team-mates. Whatever it is that she wants to talk to him about he wants to hear it. Anything for his Pretty girl. He brushes his fingers against her upper-arm and smiles and she smiles back. Not the ordinary sexy Brooke Davis-smile but a shyer one.

"Okay, I'll wait for you outside the locker rooms" she says before turning to jog back.

He follows her with his eyes and he can still feel Whitey's angry look piercing through the skin in his neck. But it is worth it. Brooke is not avoiding him anymore.

* * *

The game's over with a ten point win to the Ravens. Brooke and Rachel walk back to the locker-room to shower and Rachel nudges her in the side.

"So what were you and Luke talk about in halftime?"

"Oh, nothing… I just remembered all the good times we used to have. I mean, we didn't always fight like we've been doing lately and I just figured that I needed to talk to him… so I'm meeting him out here after I've showered…"

She feels somewhat nervous and maybe Rachel can see it because she puts her arm around her shoulders and gives her a friendly squeeze.

"I think that's good room-mate. And I guess that means that you are finally telling him? I don't need to torture you to do it?"

Brooke laughs. "No you don't. And by the way, your constant nagging about it these last days have been torture enough, thank you very much!" But then she gets serious again. "Rach, you have to understand were I'm coming from. I've had so many mixed felling for Lucas this last month and telling him I'm pregnant is just going to make everything even more complicated… I guess I just needed to sort out were I stand first."

Rachel stops and raises an eyebrow looking curious.

"And? Do you know that now?"

"Yeah. I'm over him"

She tries really hard to look convincing but Rachel just laughs out disbelievingly.

"Right Brooke, sure you are! You just keep telling yourself that."

"Come on! What do you want me to say? There's no way we can ever get back together and have a functioning relationship after everything that's happened, right? And when I tell him he knocked me up he's going to go mental, but then he's going to be all 'responsible' and want to do right by me and the baby…"

She looks hurt and tired and her facial expression is such a huge contrast to the rest of her in her uniform and cheer make-up that Rachel can't do anything but to feel her pain. She wants to say something to comfort her but she's not sure what that would be so she stays quiet and Brooke continues;

"I haven't even decided if I'm going to keep it but either way, I'm not going to get through this if I'm being all delusional and hope for a future with him. I guess the fairytale just isn't for me…"

She shrugs as if to say that she's okay with this but its obvious that she's not. And Rachel knows that there is some truth to what she's saying. There is no way that Brooke and Lucas are getting back together as long as Brooke's denying her feelings and Lucas doesn't understand that it's not about what he says so much as to what he actually does.

"It's going to be okay friend" she says while pushing the door to the locker-room open and they both walk in to join the other girls.

And that's when Peyton steps out from her hidingplace around the corner.

* * *

Lucas leans against the corridor wall waiting for Brooke to come out. He has no idea what it is that she wants to talk to him about but he has a good feeling about it. She hadn't seemed angry, more like she was a little nervous, and he's hoping that maybe she figured out that she made the wrong choice in dumping him.

He drifts off in thought, thinking about the night when she had shown up on his doorstep with that shoe-box full of letters. How fragile she'd looked. How she had stumbled on her words trying not to cry.

"_There's 82 letters in here… And they're all addressed to you. I wrote them all this summer… one a day, but I never sent them… because I was afraid…"_

"_Brooke…"_

_Her bottom lip trembles and tears well up in her green eyes making them darker._

"_I was afraid of getting my heart broken again… like before. Because you hurt me so bad… and I was afraid to be vulnerable. And I was afraid of you… and how you make me feel. And I know that doesn't matter now after what I did… But I just thought that you should know… This is how I spent my summer Luke… wanting you… I was just to scared to admit it."_

_She's crying and when she turns to leave he panics, feeling her slip away again._

"_Brooke! …I'm sorry… What you did with Chris… It's okay."_

"_It's NOT. It can't be, it's too much to forgive…"_

"_Well that's too bad… Because I forgive you."_

"_You can't!"_

"_I just did… So you'll just have to deal with it. I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis. And I know I hurt you last time that we were together but…"_

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too. Pretty girl…" _

And he does. Love her, that is. And standing there waiting for her to come out and talk to him about what ever it is she want's to talk about he thinks that he's always going to forgive her, whatever she does. Just as long as she's with him.

The door to the girls locker-room opens and he snaps out of his day-dreaming thinking that it's going to be Brooke's face that he's going to see. But it's Peyton.

"Hey Lucas" she says walking over to him and he can't help but wishing that she would just go away. He doesn't want Brooke to come out and find him here talking to Peyton. Not tonight.

"Hey Peyton" he offers back kind of non-caringly. "What's up?"

She seems weird, like she's bursting to tell this big secret but hasn't yet made up her mind if he deserves to know it and she tilts her head to the side and watches him for a moment.

"So… What did Brooke want in the half-time break? I saw her going over to talk to you."

"Nothing special. Why?"

He could've just told Peyton that Brooke had wanted to talk to him about something and that he's standing here right now because he's waiting for her, but something tells him not to. And Peyton just smirks.

"So you mean Brooke hasn't told you?"

"Told me what?"

"That the rumors about her being pregnant isn't just rumors…"

He sighs loudly, suddenly extremely tired of Peyton and her newfound way of wanting to shove splinters in between Brooke and himself. And by the way, hadn't they already had this exact conversation at Tric?

"Cut the crap Peyt! I asked her, remember? And haven't you heard that it's Haley?"

His voice is angry and maybe even a little louder then he planed, but it doesn't seem to bother her. Instead she looks at him like she's feeling sorry for him.

"I really don't want to be the one to tell you this Lucas… But I think you deserve to know. Brooke IS pregnant. I heard her say so myself just a little while ago…"

She looks sincere but of course she's lying. He has asked Brooke twice so there is no way in hell that what Peyton is saying could be true. And that's when he looks over and sees Brooke and Rachel standing in the open locker room door. Brooke looks at him all wide-eyed and suddenly she looks so young. And scared. And that is what tells him the truth. Her face, not Peytons words. The rumors are in fact true. His former girlfriend is pregnant and she's kept it from him.

She takes a step towards him with eyes begging him not to yell at her and he slowly starts walking backwards down the corridor.

"Luke…" she whispers but he's closing his eyes and holding his hand up to stop her.

"How long were you gonna keep lying?"

"I… listen Luke…"

"You know what Brooke? Save it."

He's feeling numb. Like he's actually not understanding what is happening.

"One question though," he says. "Is the baby mine?"

Brooke nods, looking younger by the minute, and he is torn between wanting to slap her senseless and wanting to save her from all the shit that's been happening to her lately. Or more exactly happening to them both.

---------------

Tears are running down Brooke's cheeks now and she hates how he looks at her. Like he's really not mad, just very disappointed. Like she has once again been little reckless irresponsible Brooke. She hates it because when he looks at her like this she's felling like she has never been enough for him, ever. And it's not fair.

She hasn't done anything wrong. Since the that night when she and Lucas had taken care of Peyton after getting drugged at that collage-party, she hasn't done anything else but to love him.

"I didn't want you to find out this way…" she whispers, her voice cracking up more and more for every word. He shakes his head slowly.

"How could you not tell me Brooke? It's like Peyton says, I deserved to know…"

"I know Luke, but you don't understand… It's been really hard… I've been trying to tell you…"

"What the hell do you mean by 'trying' Brooke!? I asked you about it and you PROMISED me that you weren't pregnant. You lied to me! Twice!"

Not knowing how to answer that, she wants the ground to open up and swallow her or just to disappear in thin air. Anything to get away from his eyes. But she's still standing there and the corridor is filing up with people leaving the game and she knows that she has to leave. She can't handle having this discussion in here. Not like this.

"I have to go" she sobs and then she feels herself start running. Past him, through the open entrance doors and out in the parking-lot. Rachel is calling after her, she had almost forgotten she was standing there with them, but Brooke doesn't stop.

The tears are blinding her as she gets into her car and turns the ignition-key. Pushing the gas-pedal into the floor and speeding out into the street she thinks;

"I guess the fairytale just isn't for me… So much for the perfect lie…"

* * *

So i'm hoping that was alright? I would love to have some more reviews before chapter 6, good or bad. Either way, thanks again guys! 


	6. We're All In This Together

**Authors note: As always, I'm LOVING the reviews! You guys are the best. You make me want to write a good story and your comments keep me on my toes so that I don't go all overboard with the characters.**

A special thank you to pOoLbEeRtAtToOs for not getting tired of my looong e-mails with strange questions ;) You REALLY help me, you know! And you seem to understand my problems with not wanting to "write down" Brookes character.

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* * *

**CHAPTER 6 – We're All In This Together**

Lucas runs after Brooke through the entrance doors but she is too fast. It's dark outside and for the second time this last week he's left watching her car's rear lights disappearing in the distance, wondering what the hell had just happened. Desperately he tries to piece together the puzzle and to get his brain to function at least close to normally.  
Peyton had told him Brooke was pregnant. And Brooke had admitted that is was true. Then he had done some yelling, even though he can't for his life remember what he had said. And now Brooke is driving away, far over the speed-limit, and inside of her she has his baby. Their baby…

He runs his fingers through his hair, not knowing what to do, when Rachel comes up beside him and he can feel her angry looks.

"For being a smart guy, you really are stupid Lucas" she says crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'M being stupid?!"

He turns around, watching her with disbelief. Brooke had just driven off without any explanation to why she had lied to him about everything this last month and Rachel was saying that HE was being the stupid one? But Rachel isn't backing down; she just keeps staring at him.

"Yes YOU! Have you any idea how hard these last weeks have been to Brooke, huh? She's been all alone, without anyone to fend for her, while you have been nursing your stupid pride and playing house with Peyton!"

"But I had no idea she was pregnant! How was I supposed to know when she didn't tell me?"

Rachel's eyes burn with anger. "So not the point here! You were supposed to care about HER, regardless of her being pregnant or not. That was kind of the point of her breaking up with you and maybe you would see that if you could pull your head out of Peyton's ass!!!"

She starts to walk away from him.

"I have to go see how she's doing. Have a great night Luke."

First he's just standing there, but then he takes a deep breath.

"Wait up Rachel. I'll come with you."

She slows down and turns to face him again. Her face is cold, almost threatening.

"No. You're NOT coming with me. She doesn't need you to make her feel worse right now. If you even knew her you would know that she does that perfectly herself!"

He knows she's right. Brooke blames her self more than anyone he knows, but this time maybe for all the right reasons because this time it really wasn't his fault. Or was it?  
He throws out his hands in frustration.

"Okay, what's wrong with you women? Huh? What the hell do you want from me?!?" I love Brooke!!!! I've loved her for ages… But none of you god damn women seems to understand that!"

He's yelling know, he knows that. But this situation is making him crazy.

"Peyton keeps kissing me, Haley keeps lecturing me. You, you just scream at me… And all I want is Brooke! But what the hell am I supposed to do when she just keeps DUMPING me??"

He stops ranting and takes a deep breath, trying to get his pulse back to normal. Rachel looks kind of shocked and her mouth is open, like on a fish.

"I know I shouldn't have screamed at her" he continues a little calmer "but I guess I was just really hurt that she felt she had to lie to me. I thought… well… I don't know what I thought…"

Inside of him it's total chaos. Emotions are fighting each other trying to decide whether he should try to explain to Rachel what he's feeling or if it's useless. Rachel is Brooke closest confidant right now and she's just defending Brooke. But Rachel finally speaks;

"I don't know if you're telling the truth Lucas. Hell, I think you are the most confused guy I ever met. But if you're going to go see her, then you should go alone. I'll stay here for a while. I need to talk to that bitch formally known as Peyton anyway and that'll give you guys a chance to try and talk this out."

He nods, knowing that she is probably right. "Okay."

"I'll get Mouth to drive me home in a couple of hours. But I'm telling you Lucas, if you hurt her… in any kind of way… I'm just warning you…"

* * *

He rings the doorbell a couple of times but either Brooke doesn't hear it or she just doesn't want to open. Her car is parked in the driveway and he can see the lights being on in her room so finally he just turns the doorknob. It isn't locked and he steps into the hallway.

"Brooke…" he calls but there's no answer. Maybe she had already gone to sleep? He climbs the stairs and pushes open the door to her bedroom. Her bed is empty but her jeans and shoes are on the floor. Then he hears the sound from the bathroom and he walks over to the semi-open bathroom door. Brooke is knelt over the toilet, trying to hold back her hair while throwing up her guts. And suddenly he feels so sorry for her.

"Baby…" he says softly, collecting her strands of hair and holding them back for her. She throws up again and again, until he can't even understand how there can be anything left inside that small body.

He feels kind of helpless just standing there and he strokes her back with his free hand, over and over again reassuring her that it's going to be okay. Finally she stops, and he backs away to give her space as she's slowly standing up. She turns on the water faucet and rinses her mouth before washing her face with the cold water.

Without looking at him she whispers;

"What are you doing here Lucas?"

"I figured we needed to talk…"

She still has her back towards him but he can see her shoulders tensing up. "About what? I thought you said that I could 'save it'…"

He hasn't realized until now that she is hardly dressed, just in panties and a small spaghetti-strapped top, and apart from what that sight always does to him, he also notices how frail she's looking. Kind of like she's been loosing weight.

"Seriously Brooke, how are you feeling?" he says, ignoring her last comment and trying to keep his voice soft. The anger he felt just a little while ago is long gone and seeing her like this just makes him worried. She turns to face him, leaning against the counter.

"Do you really want to now? I think the truth would actually kill your buzz…"

He can see that she's trying to put up a face. Trying to be the same independent and bitchy Brooke that he has been seeing lately. The one she always tries to be when she's hurt. But tonight he's not really buying it because he can see how she's shivering and how her fingers unconsciously fiddle with the hem of her top.

"Try me…" he says watching her "I think I can take it." And it's like she crumbles. She stares down into the clinkered floor, silently breathing in and out.

"Honestly Luke, I don't feel so good…" her voice is weak and somewhat shaky. "I'm scared, lonely and… just confused, I guess… and I can't seem to stop throwing up all around the clock. I always thought it was called morning-sickness for a reason, but obviously it should be called all day-sickness."

She tries to laugh, making her words sound less serious in a typical Brooke-fashion, but it comes out more as a sob and as he leans against the doorframe he can see her bottom lip start trembling.

"If you were scared and lonely, then why didn't you tell me?" he asks with a soft voice. "I could have helped."

"I was going to, at first. But all that Peyton-stuff got in the way, and then the wedding and the accident, and when everything finally calmed down…"

"…You decided to dump me instead?"

Now she looks up meeting his gaze with eyes full of tears. "It wasn't even like that Luke! I just didn't want to tell you and have us staying together because I got pregnant. We were through. I mean seriously, we hardly even talked anymore… but knowing you I knew you would want to stick with me to do the 'right thing'… I just didn't want to put any of us through that…"

She looks so pale, and as she rambles on he's starting to worry that she is going to faint. Maybe they should sit down. But he doesn't want to break the moment, making her stop talking to him.

"I would have been there for you no matter what Brooke…We're in this together" he says instead, "Don't you know that?"

"How could I? Huh? It's not like I've been able to trust you to be there for me in the past… Then again, you don't have to worry about being anywhere for me now either. We'll both be fine 'cause I'm probably not having it."

He freezes. "What?"

"I'm don't think I'm keeping the baby. I've already talked to the clinic and it's not too late…"

He looks at her trying to grasp what it is she's telling him. This couldn't be happening. She was supposed to fall into his arms now, depending on him to take care of her through all of this. She wasn't supposed to say that she didn't need him…

"So you were actually going to abort my child without even telling me that I made you pregnant? That's cold even coming from you, don't you think?" he says harshly, feeling hurt and pushed aside.

Her eyes darken and her facial expression goes from hurt to cold.

"You're an asshole, you know that?" she hisses. "You do realize that you have absolutely no say in this? At the game tonight I actually thought that we could talk about this like grown ups and maybe work it out together but since you're obviously not capable of that; then this MY body, MY choice…"

He feels as though someone has pulled the carpet away from under his feet. Brooke is being unreasonable. He couldn't have been there more for her since she didn't even tell him what was going on. But if that is true, then why is he feeling guilty? He thinks about what Rachel had said about why Brooke had broken up with him but pushes the thoughts to the back of his mind. Trying to concentrate on the matter at hand. Abortion.

"You can't have an abortion Brooke! It's a baby! It's OUR baby…"

"Don't even go there Lucas Scott! You DON'T get to screw me over like this! You can't first cheat on me, make me pregnant, leave to be with my former best friend and then pass judgment on how I choose to make my decisions. Decisions concerning ME!

"But I'm…"

"NO Luke! You suck! Now leave!"

Then the tears finally start spilling onto her cheeks. Tears of anger, tears of sorrow and probably tears of sheer tiredness. And watching her he feels this ache in his chest.

"Listen Brooke, I know you're really scared right now…"

He bridges the gap between them by walking the few steps over to her and pulling her into his arms. He want's to be angry with her but seeing her so hurt because of him makes it impossible. At first she tries to get out of his hug but he keeps holding her. And finally she stops fighting him and he can feel her body tense up as she starts to cry for real.

"Can't we talk about this?" he whispers into her hair as she sobs, face buried into his t-shirt. "Isn't there anyway I can get you to really talk to me about what you're thinking? I want to be here for you…"

"I'm just so tired Lucas…" she says, her voice not being more then a slight whisper. She's kind of swaying, as if she doesn't have the power left to stand up straight and he realizes that how ever much he wants to talk, Brooke really needs to get to bed. The anger and the crying have taken all of her last energy reserves.

Without saying anything more, he gently picks her up and carries her back into the bedroom. She feels so light in his arms, as if she hardly weighs anything at all, and he thinks about how long it's been since he last held her in his arms like this. Maybe not more then a month but it feels like years. He puts her down on the bed and gently pulls the covers up over her, then sits down beside her, silently stroking her hair.

"I've got you Cheery…" he whispers. "You're safe know…"

Honestly he knows that's not the truth. By this time tomorrow he would probably be back to being really mad at her for deceiving him. But thinking about all the nights this last month that she has gone to sleep alone and hurting makes him want to beat himself. He had known something was wrong but instead of forcing her to tell him he had just felt sorry for him self.

Rachel had been right. He should have been there for Brooke instead of nursing his bruised ego by hanging out with Peyton. But Peyton had needed him too with everything that had happened to her with Psycho-Derek. Right?

Everything is suddenly so confusing and sitting there comforting his beautiful and pregnant ex-girlfriend he thinks that maybe the problem isn't about the pregnancy at all.

Maybe the problem is between him and Peyton?

"Peyton always needs me" he thinks. "And I'm always there for her. But why?"

------------

Lucas fingers are stroking her hair and her cheeks and she slowly closes her eyes. She wants to crawl up with him and share the warmth of his body but she can't. The carefully glued back pieces of her heart fall apart just by thinking of it.  
Even in the dark bedroom she can see him brooding and she doesn't want to talk to him about all this anymore. She's tired of it. Tired of being heartbroken and miserable. Tired of hearing his voice filled with fear trying to comfort her. And most of all, she's tired of being just eighteen years old and pregnant.

But she is also painfully aware of the fact that Lucas, her Lucas, wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for the pregnancy. He would then be off somewhere with Peyton.

The other day when he hugged her outside of Whitey's office she had though that maybe there was a chance for them but it had been her hormones talking. After the accident he had chosen Peyton's company before hers so many times and the same thing happened every time he needed to talk to someone. It's all too obvious to her that she is not enough.

And this what hurts her the most. The sheer pain of knowing that she's not the one that he really wants.

When Lucas wanted sex he came to her though, and bizarly that was exactly what has put them both in this situation.

"It's seems like my body is playing tricks with my heart" she thinks. "Lucas cheats on me, and I get pregnant…"

Sure, last time she thought she was pregnant it had just been a scare, but she had been equally terrified, knowing that she was alone and that Lucas wanted someone else. He had been the one flipping the test over and looking at it, she didn't have the guts, and she can still remember the fear in his voice…

"_It's positive"._

_"Oh my God…" _

_She had sat her self down next to him on the bed and her tears had started streaming down her face. "…I'm pregnant". _

_Lucas had put his arm around her shoulders trying to comfort her but she had just pushed him off and stood up, not wanting him to touch her. The pain of seeing him and Peyton kissing was still too fresh. _

_"Come on. I know you're still mad at me" he had begged "But I'm here for you. Alright, we'll go to the doctor tomorrow. In the city. I'll take you"._

_"I'll take myself"._

_"Brooke…" he was pleading. "I'm just as scared as you are. But I want to help. Please. Just, trust me".  
_

_And she had felt herself freeze up and hissed;_

_"Yeah cause that worked out so well for me the last time". _

She calms her breathing, letting him think that she's falling to sleep, hoping that he will then opt to leave. He stays longer then she expects though, but after about half an hour he silently wriggles himself loose and leaves her alone in the darkness.

As she hears the bedroom door close behind him she realizes that she doesn't even know if Peyton has told him about her feelings yet. Knowing Peyton she probably hasn't. Peyton's is much too scared to put herself out there like that.

Brooke on the other hand didn't used to be scared. Not before she met Lucas. But she had given him his heart two times now and both times it's ended up shattered to pieces.

She pulls the covers tighter around her and before finally going to sleep she thinks;

"This time I' not going to put my heart out there for him, not even if life depends on it".

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* * *

i know that this chapter portrayed Lucas' feelings much more than Brooke's but it was needed. **Please review! And thanks agian to those of you that do...**


	7. Crazy For This Girl

**Authors note: **I'm sooo grateful for last chapter's reviews. Great that you all liked it and BrucasForeva; I'm glad you liked the "dumping me-comment"! pOoLbEeRtAtToOs; glad i could lighten your day...Lol  
I'm not sure what you'll think about this chapter though, so i'm actually a little nervous. Well... here we go...

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* * *

**CHAPTER 7 – Crazy For This Girl**

Lucas slowly walks down to the car with Mouth in tow. He's tired and distraught and he doesn't want to talk to anyone, but Mouth had just gotten up from the chair in Rachel's kitchen and followed him. And as little as he wants the company he can't really make himself to tell that to his childhood friend. So instead he pulls open the car door and Mouth gets in on the passenger side. They're both still quiet and Lucas pushes the play-button on the car stereo. It's a song with Evan and Jaron and he raises the volume to escape conversation. But when they reach the down town-exit Mouth speaks;

"So… um… how did it go… your talk with Brooke?"

Lucas sighs and shrugs his shoulders.

"Not that good."

He knows that the answer isn't very informative and that Mouth expects more but he doesn't really know what to say. How _did_ it go? I didn't really go anywhere. Probably just straight to hell… So they go back to the tense silence for a couple of minutes.  
He wonders how long Mouth has known that Brooke is pregnant and even more so; why Mouth hadn't told him. Could it be that even Mouth was siding with Team Brooke in this?  
Finally the sheer curiosity gets the best of him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Mouth looks a bit uneasy. "It wasn't my decision. Brooke asked me not to and she's my friend so…"

"But we've known each other for almost half our lives! Shouldn't your loyalty to me be bigger then your loyalty towards Brooke? I mean, you must know that I would have wanted to know this sooner… I could have been there for her from the beginning!"

He's irritated and it marks the tone of his voice. But he's not really angry with his friend who's sitting there beside him quietly looking guilty. Mouth is a nice person, as nice as they come actually, and he had done the right thing. It just makes Lucas crazy that he can't figure out where in all of this he had taken the wrong turn. Because in the middle of it all he just wants to turn the car around and go back to Brooke. He wants her to listen and to understand that this isn't going to just go away. Neither the love he has for her or the baby she is carrying.

"Did you know she's going to have an abortion?" he asks instead in a lower voice. And in the corner of his eye he can see Mouth flinch.

"No… She said she was thinking of it… I mean, since you didn't really…um…"

There is an awkward silence as Lucas parks in Mouths driveway.

"Since I didn't what?

"Come on Luke… You didn't want to be with her. You were so hung up on Peyton that you didn't really see Brooke. And maybe you still are, I don't know…" He starts to get out of the car. Grabbing his bag and unfastening his seatbelt. "You have this amazing girlfriend Lucas. She's beautiful, she has the greatest personality and a heart of gold. And you continuously pick Peyton over her? I sure as hell don't know why… I told Brooke that a thought she'd make a wonderful mother but she doesn't listen to me. And can you really blame her for not wanting to have a baby at eighteen with a guy that doesn't love her?"

Lucas looks at Mouth disbelievingly.

"Are you crazy? Do you honestly think that I don't love Brooke?"

Mouth shrugs and steps out on the street. "Well do you?"

Before Lucas has any chance to answer Mouth has closed the car door and Lucas is left with the music.

_She rolls the window down  
and she talks over the sound  
of the cars that pass us by  
and I don't know why  
but she's changed my mind…_

* * *

The sun is up and the sound of Rachel roaming around in the bathroom makes it impossible for Brooke to sleep any longer. She can't even remember falling to sleep yesterday and suddenly it's already morning. For a moment she feels blissfully unaware but then she remembers last night's events. And she winces.

"Please tell me that yesterday at the game was all just a really really bad dream" she whines and pulls the covers over her head. "And if it wasn't, just get me drunk…"

Rachel comes into the bedroom and lifts the blankets to be able to see Brooke. "Sorry, can't do that. It's the painful reality girl, and I can't get you drunk, not since you pregnant. But I could shoot you…"

"Please do!"

Rachel sits down next to her on the bed and the look on her face is much softer than her usual cocky smirk. She looks at Brooke seriously. "How did it go last night with you two? He didn't say much when he left…"

"You were here when Lucas left?" Brooke whispers. She hadn't heard Rachel come in and she'd thought that the red-head had been home late, after she had already gone to sleep.

Rachel nods. "Yeah, me and Mouth came here shortly after him. We made some coffee and waited and Luke stuck his head into the kitchen just saying 'Bye' before leaving. But he seemed beat… Mouth left with him so I guess he knows more than I do…"

"Well it's not that much to tell. I was puking like a dog when he came over so he tried to take care of me but then he made me so angry with all his righteous crap, so I said I had already decided on the abortion-thing… and then he told me I couldn't do that and I started screaming at him… umm… And then he kind of took me to bed."

Rachel flinches looking shocked. "What!?! You had _sex_ with Lucas last night?"

"No stupid! I was so tired that I almost fell asleep standing. He just carried me to bed and tucked me in. And then I pretended to go to sleep so he'd leave… I couldn't talk to him anymore…"

"Why?" Rachel seems confused. As if she's not really following this Brooke-type of logic.

Brooke falls back on the pillows looking sad. "You saw him last night in the gym Rachel. He was so angry with me…"

"Yeah, duh! He was angry for finding it out the way he did and I would be too if I were him. I'm so going to kill that blond bitch when I see her! But he wasn't angry at you for being pregnant Brookie. He knows he's responsible for that as much as you are. …and Mouth told me that you've kind of been through this before with Lucas."

"Yeah, we had a pregnancy scare last year. He was being supportive and all, saying he would be there for me, but I could tell he was scared and feeling trapped… You know he just wasn't ready. And I mean, it's not that long ago. Why would now be any different?

Rachel shrugs.

"I just think it is… You know, he really seemed to care about you last night when you ran off… He said he loved you, you know… that he's loved you for ages."

Suddenly looking like she's been caught with being a little too emotional Rachel stands up and grabs Brooke's hand.

"Well anyways… Come on sleeping bitchy, we're going to be late for school." But Brooke pulls her hand out of her grip looking panicked.

"I can't go to school today Rachel! Lucas is going to be there and Peyton…"

She looks at Rachel all begging, shocked that her roommate still doesn't understand. Today, for the first time since Brooke had taken that first pregnancy-test, the situation feels real. Scary real. Lucas knows now so there is no way she can pretend like this isn't happening. And even though he had stayed with her last night she has no idea what to either say or do when she meets him.  
But Rachel just shrugs her shoulders.

"True, they will both probably be there. But it could be worse, right? At least no one else knows. You could be dealing with having the news all over school…"

"And that would be unusual because? Welcome to my life Rach, I've been the gossip-priority of Tree Hill High for almost four years. Why should today be any different? Don't forget that I've already had to deal with the pregnancy rumors at school thanks to you…"

Rachel gives her a strange look. "Hey, don't place blame okay? It wasn't my fault that you choose to back up Haley by taking the fall for her. And you could have told Lucas from the get go. Now you just have to suck it up. If you don't go to school today, tomorrow will be even worse."

Brooke lays back down hugging her pillow. "Maybe not. And anyways, I was kind of looking forward to just staying in my bed sulking…"

"Yeah? I was kind of looking forward to marrying Cooper, but we all adjust don't we?"

She winks at Brooke who finally seems convinced. "Okay whatever, but you're staying with me the entire day. And if we run into Lucas, you're hiding me…"

But now Rachel is looking at her funny before turning her eyes over to the bed-room door. "It might be a little too late for that…" she says and Brooke follows her gaze.

In the doorway is Lucas. He looks tired and he's wearing the same clothes as he had last night. He simply stands there as if he's not sure if he can enter or not. And then he clears his throat nervously.

"Um… hey Brooke… can I talk to you?"

* * *

Rachel has left for school and Lucas and Brooke are sitting in the living room. They've been sitting there for a while; none of them really knowing how to start a conversation but then Lucas takes Brooke chin in his hand and makes her eyes meet his.

"I want you to promise me something pretty girl" he says slowly. "You can't leave this room until we've talked this out. You can't run from this…"

She looks up towards the ceiling rolling her eyes as if he's being annoying. "Don't call me Pretty girl…" she sighs. "I'm not your pretty girl anymore, remember?" But he keeps holding her face and forcing her to look at him and to see that he's being serious.

"Listen to me. You always run Brooke… Instead of asking me about the things you worry about, you make up these stories in your head painting the worst possible picture. And then you run. But right now you _have to_ listen to me. Okay?"

First she just looks back at him but then she nods.

"Okay…"

He takes a deep breath. He finally has her attention and suddenly he's scared shitless. "It's now or never" he thinks. If Brooke doesn't get it now she never will. In the back of his mind he can still hear the song from last night in the car. It's like it's on repeat, trying to tell him something.

_Would you look at her? She looks at me.  
She's got me thinking about her constantly  
but she doesn't know how I feel.  
And as she's carrying on without a doubt  
I wonder if she's figured out that I'm crazy for this girl.  
Yea, I'm crazy for this girl…_

"For a second" he says with a low voice "let's forget that you are pregnant. Let's pretend that we're back in my room the night when you came over and broke up with me… You said that me not missing you enough had made you stop missing me, right?"

Brooke nods silently. Looking at him and waiting for him to continue.

"What made you think that I didn't miss you in the first place? Was it because I didn't call you when I went away with my mom? Because you have to believe me Brooke, I missed you everyday. And even though I was devastated over Keith I thought about you daily… It was just so hard for me then. I felt like I didn't deserve to be in love or even be happy with Keith dead and my mom so broken without him…"

Brooke touches his cheek softly saying; "But Luke, I know…"

He's not letting her finish. "Wait Brooke. You said that this break up between us had absolutely nothing to do with Peyton, but you know what? I don't believe that. I want you to tell me exactly why you felt that you had to end it between us when you did. If you can honestly say that you don't love me anymore, then I will have to deal with that… But if you still have any feelings left for me, I'll do anything I can to fix this…"

…_She was the one to hold me  
the night the sky fell down  
and what was I thinking when, the world didn't end  
why didn't I know what I know now?_

The begging look in his eyes throws Brooke off for a bit. She hasn't seen him look at her like this since she doesn't even know when. Her heart's already pounding with fear of getting damaged even the slightest, but all of a sudden she feels this urge to try and explain.  
She turns a little so that she is sitting on the sofa facing him head on. And then she breathes in deeply.

"Okay, so I wasn't really honest with you that night Luke, it's not all about Peyton… and yet it is. But not so much about the kiss. Actually it's more about something you said shortly after I came back from California…"

He seems confused. "You mean when I said that I was the guy for you?"

"No. I came to your house to try and apologize after that night I spent with Chris…"

She doesn't have to say more. He's over-thrown by memories. He had been so hurt by her and he had just felt angry when she came by all teary-eyed.

"_I don't know what to say" she said, "other then that I'm so sorry…"_

"_You have nothing to apologize for. We weren't together."_

"_Luke…"_

"_No, I just didn't think that non-exclusive meant; 'Hell, I'm going to sleep with Chris Keller'… Pretty skanky move Brooke"_

"_I AM sorry! I'm sorry that I did it and I'm sorry that you had to see it… But you are looking at me right now like I am so much worse than you, and you were with Peyton while we were together..."_

"_I didn't sleep with Peyton!"_

"_No, but you slept with Niki…"_

"_I didn't have feelings for you then… I guess that's my answer?"_

"_No it's not Lucas! I care about you so much!"_

"_Well, you have a hell of a way of showing it…" _

He shakes the memory off him, not wanting to think back. "Yeah, I remember. But what was it that I said?"

"You said that the answer to why I could have done something like that towards you was because I didn't have feelings for you. Well, that's not true. I've loved you since day one and the shit won't go away, but you keep doing these things to me… like making out with Peyton, sleeping with Niki, not trusting me enough to tell me things, and then I thought; maybe you were talking about yourself…"

"Huh?"

"Maybe it's _you_ who is pretending Luke, and maybe this doesn't really have to do with _me_… I mean, as I told you that day, I slept with Chris because I was so afraid of the feelings I had for you. I was scared of getting close to you again. And now I'm thinking that I am your Chris Keller…"

She smiles that little crocked Brooke Davis-smile but she looks sad and he wants to understand her so badly.

_Would you look at her? She looks at me.  
She's got me thinking about her constantly  
but she doesn't know how I feel.  
And as she's carrying on without a doubt  
I wonder if she's figured out that I'm crazy for this girl.  
Yea, I'm crazy for this girl_

"What do you mean Brooke? You're not making sense. You are my Chris Keller?"

Her voice is cracking up. "Yeah… See, you love Peyton, but you are so scared of those feelings that you repeatedly keep going back to me. Our relationship has been a long 'one night-stand' to protect your heart from _her_… That's why I broke up with you. And that's why I'm having the abortion. Because you and Peyton will find your way in the end and I don't want to do this alone…"

Her tears are falling freely without a sound and he reaches out and caresses them away with his thumb. She is so beautiful.

"Oh pretty girl…" he whispers. "When you are wrong you are _soo_ wrong…"

_Right now, face to face,  
all our fears pushed aside.  
And right now  
I'm ready to spend the rest of my life  
with her..._

He pulls her to him and his lips lightly meet hers. They feel warm and soft against his and when she doesn't pull back it's like the world shifts and every bad thing that has happened these last months disappear in thin air. Then her lips part and the kiss deepen and his whole body literally lets out the breath he's been holding in since she broke up with him.

…_And as she's carrying on without a doubt  
I wonder if she's figured out that I'm crazy for this girl.  
Yea, I'm crazy for this girl._

"I'm crazy for this girl" he thinks. "Brooke Davis is my oxygen."

--------------

* * *

**That was it for chapter 7. In the next chapter look out for a twist. ;) Please leave reviews. Thanks /Lynn**


	8. You Had A Bad Day

**Authors note: **i decided to put the story-note in the end of the chapter but I just want to say thanks (once again) for all the reviews. They really make my day. And i'm glad you liked the dialog between Brucas in the last chapter.

Plz check out the other story i'm juggeling; **Gamble Everyting For Love.  
**

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**CHAPTER 8 – You had a bad day… **

The kiss seem like it could go on forever. It's so natural to feel Lucas' lips against her own and the softness and the taste of him is just so familiar. So good. His hand is tangled in her hair pulling her closer and she wants so badly to just give in. Her body craves him but little bells of warning keep ringing in the back of her head telling her that this is too dangerous. So finally she pulls back.

"Lucas… we shouldn't do this…it'll only complicate things."

He looks confused. "But why? I love you…"

She sighs. He says he loves her but it's not the first time and she knows that the three little words, however beautiful they sound, really don't have to mean anything. At least not coming from those newly kissed lips of his.

"It's not enough…"

Her voice comes out a little bitter and she resents herself for it but she just feels like she needs some kind of proof. Something solid that she can trust. She doesn't have the time to play games with him anymore. And her heart isn't strong enough. But she sees the devastation in his eyes and she softens her voice.

"…at least not right now Luke. I hear you say that you love me, but it's not so much as what you say, it's what you do… I have so much on my mind and I need to focus. I can't handle making any decisions if I have to worry about trusting you…"

He strokes back the hair that has fallen into her eyes. "But we should make those decisions together. I'm not going anywhere Brooke, okay?"

She stands up and organizes her face back into the girl she believes he wants to see. The confident, cheery Brooke and she smiles at him.

"You know what?" she says. "If you promise to buy me icecream later I will let you take me to the doctors office tomorrow. I have an appointment at two o'clock."

But Lucas isn't buying it. Not the fake smile or the deal she's handing him. Instead he pulls her back down to sit beside him. "Stop joking around. I'm serious. Of course I'm taking you to the doctor but I need you to let me in on this."

And she does see his point. How ever screwed up this situation is, he is the father of the baby she's carrying. And this was exactly what both Mouth and Rachel had been telling her for two weeks; eventually she had to let him take part of this. Because she already knows that she could never deny Lucas to see his son or daughter.

Without looking at him she says;

"We can make the decision on whether or not to keep the baby together, but not as a couple… Because if I have the baby I have to make sure I'm ready for it even if there should never be an 'us' again. Do you understand? And you have your own decisions you need to make, right?"

He nods slowly and he bites his lip as if there's something else he wants to say but then he just puts his arm around her and she relaxes against his shoulder.

"Brooke, are you serious about leaning towards abortion? Is that what this doctor's appointment is about?" His fingers are stroking little circles on her bare upper-arm.

"No, tomorrow's just a pregnancy check-up" she says as she snuggles herself deeper into his t-shirt not wanting the eventual eye contact. "I guess we should probably talk about this before we go there… in case the doctor wants to know if I'm keeping it."

Honestly, she hasn't really decided anything at all. The comment about abortion yesterday had mainly been to hurt him. Abortion really scares her, especially after what Shelly had told her at Tric, but being a single mother at eighteen is scaring her almost as much and she doesn't have a clue what to do. First she needs to know where his head is in all of this. But the clock is ticking.

He untangles from her and when he gets up from the couch she feels cold.

"There's something I need to do" he says seriously. "I'll be back in a couple of hours and then we'll talk, okay?"

She nods and wraps her arms around herself to keep some of his body's warmth with her. Before the kiss he had said that he wasn't letting her out of here before they talked all this out. That she wasn't allowed to run. And now when she finally tried to open up the discussion, then he was the one leaving.

"Okay" she says tiredly. "Just go."

When she woke up this morning she had been sure that this was going to be a bad day and now she is proven to be right.

-----------

"Life is strange…" he thinks heading out the door. "It's like everything keeps going around in circles."

In the beginning of last year he had met this sexy cheerleader who had been way out of his league. She had taken him out on these crazy adventures involving sex, alcohol, really bad pop music and loads of shopping. First she had just mesmerized him because she was so different from everything else he knew, but he had really started to like her, the girl behind the mask, the girl behind the red door. Of course, that was before he had broken her heart when he kissed her best friend.

He ended up regretting it when he realized that the 'liking' of the girl had turned into love. The sexy cheerleader had proven to be the most amazing girl he had ever met. For months he loved her from a distance until earlier this year when she had given him a second chance. With non-exclusive dating. It had been another one of her crazy ideas and when she finally started trusting him enough to be his girlfriend again it had made him the happiest guy ever.

Until he had once again gone off and kissed the blond girl…

He wishes that the kiss in the library had never happened. Because now, one and a half year after it had all started, he seems to be back to the non-exclusive dating scenario. Or if Brooke had it her way maybe not more than friends. He had been so stupid letting it all turn out like this.

And although life seems to loop itself, things keep adding on. This time he's not just mesmerized by a cheerleader named Brooke Davis, and he doesn't just love that girl behind the red door. This time she is also the mother of his unborn child and if she was feeling insecure before, then this time she sure as hell doesn't trust him.

He thinks about that night on the beach at the 'end of summer-party' and he gets a flashback of Brooke being surrounded by lifeguards as he himself is saying;

"_One of these nights you're going to realize it. I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis…"_

But he'd fucked up once again and now those words are echoing falsely in his head.  
Stepping into his car he thinks;

"But I meant it Brooke, and I still am… You'll see."

* * *

It's after lunchtime when Lucas steps into the school. If this was an ordinary Thursday he would be on his way to health-class but he's not here for the classes. He's here because the girl he loves doesn't seem to believe him whatever he says and he needs to set the record straight, even if it means hurting someone else.  
He thinks of what Brooke said.

"_It's not so much what you say, it's what you do…"_

Okay, so now he's doing. He roams the corridors and suddenly Peyton walks up beside him. She seems embarrassed and he raises an eyebrow as if to say 'I was just looking for you'. And he was.

"Hey Luke… can we talk?" she says silently.

He nods. She probably needs to be in her calculus-class in exactly three minutes but since she's offering to cut it he'll take her up on it. This talk between him and Peyton has been long time coming. Without saying anything more they walk through the cafeteria and out to the schoolyard. Stray students are still out there, on their way to different home-rooms, but soon enough they're alone and they sit at one of the tables.

Peyton clears her throat. "I'm sorry for springing the 'news' on you like that the other day… Maybe I should have just let her tell you."

"Yeah, maybe you should've… but then again maybe not. At least now I know."

Peyton's eyes wander away from his and over to the library-building.

"So, are you and Brooke okay? I mean have you decided what to do?"

"We've talked… and I guess we're fine. But she doesn't trust me and I don't really blame her. Our relationship has kind of been a train wreck since I accidentally told her about the kiss you and I shared. Or our whatever it is… She doesn't want be with me because of the trust-issues. At least she's not dead set on abortion anymore…"

He seeks her eyes but she still looks away. "Brooke said she was going to have an abortion?"

"Yeah, she says that she doesn't want to bring an unwanted baby to this world. I've told her I love her and that I would really want her to have the baby but as I said… trust… And I kind of need to talk to you about that…"

There's an awkward silence between them while Theresa and Bevin passes them waving "Hi Lucas, hi Peyton…" They wave back and wait until they are completely alone again. Or at least they think so since none of them can see Rachel sitting by a tree a little to their left.

"Look Peyt, remember when you asked me who I wanted standing next to me? You know, at greatest moment in my life…"

She nods silently.

"When I said Brooke I wasn't lying. And this baby-thing doesn't change that. I love Brooke and I know that we all had this weird love-triangle for more than one and a half years, but it's gotta stop now."

For a moment he sees the hurt in her eyes, but then she smiles. "If that's what you want Luke. So, does that mean that you and I aren't going to hang out anymore?"

"If that's what it takes for me to get back into Brooke's heart, then yes. I'm sorry Peyton, but it seems she was more hurt by that kiss and by the time you and I spend together than I first thought."

Peyton looks down into the ground, kicking some gravel with her tennis shoe. The smile is starting to look upside-down and she bites her bottom lip. He feels sorry for her because he's sensing that she too cares about their friendship and that she will probably feel lonely without either him or Brooke at her side. But as he'd just said; If that's what it took…

"Oh Lucas…" she says with a low voice. "I gotta tell you something…"

She suddenly looks like she's going to cry. And he wonders what the hell's been up with his life lately. All the women around him seemed to go off in crying-fits as soon as he got closer than three feet.

"What Peyton?"

"I tried to tell you the night before Brooke's birthday. You know, at the blackout…" She looks up into the clear sky, blinking away tears. "I know why Brooke doesn't want to be with you."

"What?!"

"I told Brooke something just before Nathans and Haleys wedding… After that she broke off our friendship saying that if we never spoke again it would be fine with her… And I'm guessing that's also her biggest trust-issue with you… It's all because of me…"

"Damn it Peyton, just say it! What did you tell her?"

"I told her I loved you…"

He hears her but then again he doesn't. What was she saying? And what did she mean?  
"As a friend?" he asks even though he already knows the answer. But she shakes her head.

"No. I told her I was _in_ love with you. That my feelings for you was still there… What I said to you in the library wasn't just me being delirious."

He just looks at her in silence for a long time, and then he slowly gets to his feet. He should probably just feel flattered but instead he's angry and he takes a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down.

"Why would you do that to her? She's your best friend…"

This explains so much and suddenly Brooke's whole break-up monolog seems so much clearer. This was why she hadn't wanted him to talk to Peyton at the wedding and why she had been so sad at the reception. Damn, he had been such an asshole! Brooke had been pregnant and vulnerable and had just been stabbed in the back by her best friend, and he had just shrugged his shoulders and called her childish.

Peyton still sits at the table and cries in silence.

"You know what?" he says to her, forcing her to meet his stare. "You had no right. And you have no right to say that now either. Since me and Brooke got together again I haven't said anything to make you think i loved you back. There was a time when I really had feelings for you, so much so that I cheated on my girlfriend. But you had your chance, and you passed on it twice! First time at that basketball fundraiser when you had just broken up with Nathan, and the second time when Brooke and I broke up after _we_ made out in that hotel! But this time you were supposed to be my friend and be happy that I was in a great relationship. You were supposed to be happy for Brooke!!"

"Don't you think I know that" she yells. "But you can't decide who to love, right?"

"No you can't. But you sure as hell can decide to shut up about it and not go ruining other peoples lives!"

He turns and starts to walk away but then he hears her saying; "I just wanted to be honest… and you always save me…" and he swings back.

"Well then go be honest somewhere else. Stay away from me and stay away from Brooke. None of us can deal with you right now. By the way, I saved you enough to last four lifetimes!"

-------------

Over by the tree Rachel picks up her cell phone. And as Lucas disappears and Peyton gets up and walks to her car, Rachel punches Brooke's number on speed-dial. The signals keep ringing but finally Brooke picks up on the other end.

"Hey friend! Were you sleeping?"

Brooke yawns into the receiver. "Yeah…"

"But at least your little slutty ass is awake now, and that's good because I have something really important to tell you… I know you had a bad couple of days lately room-mate but everything is getting better starting now."

"What do you mean? You mysteriously found a way to reverse time?"

"No. Even better. Listen..."

* * *

**As you could see i decided to not make a "twist" in this chapter. I know I said I was going to but I just didn't feel like more of Peytons stab-in-the-back-intrigues right now. I'm fed up with that concept from Mark Schwan so i re-wrote the chapter and I've decided to take the story in a diffrent direction. But hey, dont worry, this is and will always be a Brucas-story. I'm ALL Team Brooke! Just that for now i'm concentrating on the pregnancy at hand. I hope that's enough for you guys and that i didn't dissapoint you. :) Please Review /Lynn**


	9. Mission Responsible

**Authors note: **I LOVE you all for the reviews that I got for the last chapter!!!! That's why its so hard to have to deliver this filler-chapter to you guys... you all deserve better LOL but i have to, since the discussions and some of the explanations are needed for future plot.

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**CHAPTER 9 – Mission Responsible**

Brooke snaps her phone shut, a little bit taken aback. She almost can't believe that Rachel is telling her the truth. But if she is, then Lucas has taken a step in the right direction.

More importantly, he now knows about Peyton's feelings and his reaction had been anger. Ever since Peyton told her, Brooke had been sure that the second Lucas learnt that he could have her blond former friend he would just go ahead and jump at the possibility. But according to Rachel he had done the complete opposite, telling Peyton to stay away from him. And from her.

Strangely she feels a tug at her heart when thinking of Peyton's feelings being dismissed that way but she quickly shakes it off. Peyton isn't worthy of her empathy anymore. "It's just hard to stop caring for someone who's been your closest friend for well over ten years" she thinks. "Probably even impossible."

She gets off the bed and heads down to the kitchen to find something to eat. She hasn't had either breakfast or lunch due to the damn nausea but after the nap she suddenly feels hungry. Even starving. She opens the refrigerator, thankful that Rachel's absent parents saw to it that the maid always kept it full of food, and she starts grabbing the things she needs to make herself a great sandwich. Then her cell phone rings again.

"Hello."

"Hey Tigger… I haven't seen you in school today. Are you sick?"

Haley. Damn it, she has totally forgotten about Haley. Which is really bad since she is her best friend. She hasn't even told Haley that she's pregnant and by the sounds of this phone call neither has Lucas. Putting down the bread and cheese on the counter, she sits down on a chair and makes a guilty face.

"Hey tudor-wife… well yeah, I was kind of not feeling to good this morning…"

She tries to buy a little time to figure out what to tell her. This was really not something that she should tell Haley over the phone. Especially when she had been the first one to know about Haley's pregnancy. But that's kind of the issue, she thinks. She hasn't told her for mainly two reasons. The first one isn't really relevant anymore now that Lucas knows. She hadn't wanted to put Haley in a tight spot between herself and Luke, since she knew that Haley would've felt guilty for not telling him. The second reason was that Haley had enough to worry about herself without having to deal with Brookes mistakes.

But at the same time she realizes that she can't hold off on telling her any longer. It just isn't fair to her friend. Haley would be hurt if she found out that Rachel knew before her, and Mouth. And Peyton. At least letting Peyton know hadn't been on purpose.

Haley sounds a little worried. "What do you mean 'kind of´?" she says.

"Uhm… I… are you in school?"

"Yeah, but my double biology-class is cancelled so I'm on my way home soon, why?"

"Could you come by here first? I kind of need to tell you something…"

"Sure Brooke, but… are you okay? I don't have to worry, do I? You keep saying 'kind of' in a really strange way…"

Brooke laughs and tells Haley not to worry. Then she hangs up the phone, returning to the making of her sandwich. She realizes that the lecture Haley's going to give her after she finds out demands for her to get some nutrition first. And hopefully she has the time to tell Haley before Lucas decides to return for their 'talk'. He had said that he would be gone a couple of hours so she guessing that talking to Peyton isn't the only thing on his to do-list. But what else could there be?

* * *

Lucas gets back into his car still feeling angry. What the fuck was wrong with Peyton? He always thought they had this great friendship where they were able to share stuff he couldn't share with Brooke. Like the taste in music or books and art. But now she tells him that she's been hanging out with him for totally different reasons. 

Yeah sure, he'd been in love with Peyton once, but since he and Brooke got back together after Felix, Peyton had almost been like a sister to him. Most of all he can't understand how the hell she could have missed the fact that he is head over heels in love with Brooke. It had been all they talked about lately, especially after Brooke had broken it off with him. He had been complaining to Peyton around the clock about missing Brooke and wanting her back. Hell, Peyton had even offered to help him.

He shifts the gear into drive and heads towards his moms café. Telling his mom that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant at work maybe isn't the greatest idea, but since lunch-time is over the café should be pretty much empty. And it has to be done. Now. It's the responsible thing to do.

He had thought about telling her last night while lying awake but then he chickened out. His mom has so much on her plate already without having to worry about him and Brooke. Truthfully he is also kind of nervous about telling her. Therefore it could be good to tell her in a public place. Last time, when they thought Brooke was pregnant, telling his mom hadn't been the greatest experience…

"_Mom, there's something I have to tell you. You should sit."_

_"Okay. I think I'll stand"_

_"This is going to hurt you, mom. And I'm sorry…"_

_His voice is already shaky and his mom looks worried,_

_"What happened?"_

_"Brooke's pregnant". _

_The slap she gives him in the face comes out of nowhere and he flinches, both out of pain and out of shock. But immediately she looks so remorseful._

_"Oh my God, Lucas, I'm sorry!"_

_His flesh still stings._

"_I guess I deserved that" he says holding his hand over his cheek as he walks towards his room. But she follows him._

_"Lucas… Look, I didn't mean it Lucas"  
_

_They're both crying now_

_"No mom, I'm pretty sure you did."  
_

"_No, I didn't! It's just that, do you understand? This is exactly what I didn't want for you. Have I been talking to my self the last few years? You have so much left to do in life. So does Brooke." She hugs him. "Oh God you're both just too young for this." _

_"Don't cry, mom…"  
_

But of course he's never told Brooke about any of that. He understands his mom though. He, if anyone, really should know better. He was the unplanned child of two high school teenagers himself. And even though his mom says she never regretted having him, he still knows that life has been hard for her.

Last night when still angry he had figured that there was no need to tell his mother if Brooke wasn't going to keep the baby, but today he realizes that it wouldn't be fair. He's tired of lying after keeping the HCM-thing a secret for so long and he needs his mom's advice anyway.

He parks the car in the street outside of the café and after taking a couple of minutes just to gather his senses, he gets out of the drivers seat and heads inside.

"Hi mom" he says as the bell sounds above the door and she looks up and smiles.

"Hi my boy, how was school?"

He mutters something about school being very informative and slumps down on one of the high chairs by the counter. As he thought the place is empty and his mom is busy putting away the newly washed china from the lunch-rush.  
He puts his elbows on the counter and rests his forehead in the palms of his hands, breathing out through his teeth. "The best way to do this is probably fast and out of nowhere, like ripping a band-aid" he thinks. So he looks up.

"Mom…"

"Yes Luke."

"Brooke is pregnant."

Then there's the sound of porcelain breaking.

* * *

About fifteen minutes after Brooke has downed the last bit of her sandwich there's a knock on the front door. "Come in" she yells and Haley walks into the living room with a bag in her arms. Putting it down on the table in front of Brooke she says; 

"Rachel said you probably had a stomach-bug so I brought you some chicken-soup. It'll make you better in no time."

Brooke rolls her eyes but smiles. Leave it to Rachel to make up a stupid lie like that. And since when did Rachel and Haley talk? Haley hates Rachel's guts for more than one reason.

"Thanks friend. Lets just put it in the kitchen." She gets up and they sit down by the kitchen-table in stead. "Do you want anything? Coffee maybe?" She hopes that Haley will decline since the smell of coffee still makes her vomit.

Haley shakes her head. "No I'm good."

Brooke stares out through the window thinking about how much that has changed lately. Here she sits, ready to spring the news to her best friend and last year when she had almost been in this situation she and Haley hardly even knew each other. If she would have turned out to be pregnant back then, then Lucas would have been the one telling Haley. And she would have been alone. She looks back at her friend and sees her lips moving. Haley is talking and she realizes that she hasn't heard a word of what she said.

"Sorry Hales… What were you saying? I wasn't listening…"

Haley smiles. "No shit Sherlock. You seemed far too busy with staring into space. Are you okay?"

"I don't know, but you being the expert, maybe you can tell me…"

Haley looks confused. "The expert? Brooke what are you talking about?"

"I'm over two months pregnant."

She looks at Haley feeling nervous. But Haley hides her shock well and smiles while covering Brookes hand with her own. Why did Haley always have to be so understanding and nice? Brooke's been hiding in a glass bubble for weeks without even calling to check up on Haley and still Haley's just worried about her.

"Gosh Brooke… when did you find out?"

Deciding to be completely honest she takes a big breath. "Just before the wedding. I took a home pregnancy-test that morning while the caterers set up for the reception."

"Why didn't you tell me when you took me to the doctor? We could have supported each other…"

"Yeah I know… I was still in shock I guess. And I figured that as long as no one knew it wasn't for real… But it can't be more real now. Lucas found out yesterday so tonight we're having the big talk. And I'm serious Haley, I wasn't trying to hide stuff from you… I just wasn't ready to tell."

Haley hugs her. "It's okay Brooke… I understand. Remember, I was the one who didn't tell my _husband_ for more than two weeks. I'm just sad that you had to go through so much of this alone."

"Thanks Tudor-wife… thanks for being so understanding…" She can feel her eyes tearing up. And when Haley comes over and hugs her, the tears well over. For Brooke, who usually never cries in front of others, these notorious crying-fits seems so strange, but lately her emotions have been all over the place. "Must be the pregnancy-hormones…" she thinks.

* * *

Lucas looks down at the shattered plate on the floor. Somehow the pieces of china remind him of a broken heart. He can feel his moms shocked stare but he doesn't have the courage meet her eyes. 

"What?" Her voice is shaky, almost a whisper.

"You heard me. Brooke's carrying my child and it's for real this time. She's been to a doctor…"

"But how can that be Lucas? Why weren't you protecting your self's?! I've told you so many times to be careful!"

"We did! Every time! I guess it just happened…"

His mother is quiet for a long time and finally he gathers enough strength to look up at her. She's got tears in her eyes but she's much calmer the he's expected her to be.

"Tell me what you're thinking mom" he says quietly. "Are you mad at me?"

She lets out a sigh. "No I'm just very worried… About you… and about Brooke. It really was her test then, in the purse at the wedding?"

"No, that was Haley's. But Brooke knew then… she was just too scared to tell me."

His mother puts her hand over his on the counter and squeezes it softly and the simple motion makes his throat tighten up and his eyes to tear. "I know we're only eighteen mom, but I really love Brooke and I want her to keep the baby. I'm just so scared that I will make mistakes… hurt her somehow… She so fragile right now…"

Karen wipes away a tear that's spilled onto his cheek.

"It's going to be okay son… We'll figure this out…"

* * *

Brooke sits in the living room watching re-runs of Friends on tv. Haley left a little while ago after finally hearing the whole story and Brooke feels better now, not needing to lie anymore to her friend anymore.  
She looks over at the clock on the wall. Ten past six. Lucas had been gone for well over five hours by now, without even calling, and it seems to her like their 'talk' has been called off. But right then there's a knock on the door and she gets up to open it. 

Lucas stands on the porch smiling and she holds the door open to let him inside. "Sorry it took so long…" he says touching her arm lightly. She nods. At least he came back. And what Rachel told her about his talk with Peyton has earned him enough bonus-points in her book, not to go sour on him just yet.

She unconsciously rubs her stomach trying to get rid of a little cramping. Lucas sees it and looks at her worryingly.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay… Just tired. Lets go sit down."

She goes into the living room and they sit back down in the same position that they did this morning, facing each other.

"So how was your day?" he asks gently, brushing away strands of hair from her face with his fingertips.

"Well, Haley was here. I told her about the baby…"

She watches him closely to see his reaction, desperately needing to know if he's ashamed of all of this but he just smiles. "Yeah, she called me as soon as she closed your front door, giving me the long 'if you ever hurt Brooke you will be very sorry-speech' but she was really happy that you confided in her."

"Yeah… so what did you do today?"

"I went to school to talk to Peyton… I wanted to let her know that you would be my main priority from now on… and she told me why you guys aren't friends anymore." He smiles at her sadly. "Why didn't you tell me what she said to you Brooke? I would have done things in a totally different way…"

He looks genuine and he's blue eyes pierce right into hers. "It's in the past Luke…"

Her hand rests against his thigh in what seems to be a relaxed way but she can feel the warmth of his body through the denim fabric and it's making it hard for her to focus. That is until she hears his next phrase.

"I told my mom…"

"You told Karen I'm pregnant?! She must really HATE me…"

He strokes Brooke reassuringly over the hair. "No, she doesn't hate you Brooke… But she is worried of course, for both of us. Does your mom and dad know?"

He knows the answer to this even before she shakes her head. "They're somewhere in Japan this month. Dad has some kind of conference…" she says and then seems to be off in thought for a moment before looking up at him. "Seriously Luke, do you think is Karen very angry? …After everything she's done for me I don't want to hurt her…"

"I'm sure it will be okay Pretty girl" he answers and this time she doesn't object to the old nick-name. Not like this morning and at least that's something… He closes his eyes and rests his head on top of Brooke's while she turns on the TV and zaps in for some old cartoons.

"Turn it off…" he says softly. "We still need to talk, right? I want to say something I should have said earlier this morning. Remember last year when we thought this was happening?"

How could she forget? She still feels guilty about lying to him. "Yeah"

"Well, like I said then, what ever you want to do I'll be there. If you don't feel ready then you don't feel ready, and I'll just have to accept it. But if you do want this baby then _know_ that I want it to and that I'll do anything for the both of you… I know I told you last time that I thought I would be older and settled… but at least this time I'm in love…"

"Well it's good that you _think_ that you feel that way… But how would we ever manage Luke? If we can't even make our relationship work, how would we take care of a baby? And what about collage, and your mom?

His fingers are still stroking her arm and in some strange way it's reassuring.

"We'd make it work Brooke. I know we would. And we can still go to collage you know. We'll just get a bigger apartment. I was looking at the financial aid-forms in my application last night and it says that you get more money if you have children… Just tell me where your head is Brooke? Do you want this baby?"

----------------------

It's getting late and Brooke yawns and stretches beside Lucas who's now sleeping on the sofa. The talk between them has been long and emotional and she feels drained. On top of that her 'morning'-sickness sets in at this time at night and she needs to eat something. She hadn't eaten since that late breakfast sandwich.

"Hey Broody…" she whispers nudging him in his side. "…wake up."

He stirs and opens his eyes looking around like he's disoriented. "Hey… what time is it?"  
His voice is still sleepy and he looks so innocent. She loves him so much in that moment that it's literally painful. And she has this almost feverish urge to lean down and kiss him, like he had kissed her earlier, but she holds herself back. Instead she just glides her fingertips over the fabric of his t-shirt. It's almost unnoticeable but inside of her there's a war of feelings.

"It's a little after eleven."

He gently strokes her cheek and she shivers. Even after all this time her body still craves his touch. He sees her shiver and frowns.

"Are you freezing?"

She nods. "A little. I'm going up to bed."

He sits up and grabs his sweater. Putting it on he says "You're going to be okay tonight, right? 'Cause if there's anything you need you can just call me… anytime…"

And looking in to his eyes she actually believes him. "Thanks Luke…"

She stands up and before heading up to the second floor she brushes her lips softly against his cheek. She can't help herself. He pulls her into a long hug and when she finally breaks it she's almost ready to ask him to stay. But instead she's forcing her self to say; "I'll see you tomorrow in school Luke… Good night." And then she walks away thinking; "Wait for me Luke… give me time. I'm not ready to let you in just yet..."

Walking up the stairs she feels his eyes following her and then she hears the sound of the front door opening and closing. And she says softly into the silence; "But that doesn't mean that I don't love you Lucas Scott."

-------------

* * *

**AN: Keep reviewing, 'cause you know it'll make me soooo happy to hear from you guys. /Lynn  
**


	10. I Dare You To Move

**Authors note:** I know that i'm posting chapters quicker than you can review right know but i have to get this chapter out so that i can get to the drama ;)  
See, this chapter is mainly Brucas-fluff which is needed for the next few chapters to become realistic. But fluff or no fluff, i'd still like it if you could give me some reviews.

B Davis: Thanks for accepting my filler-chapters with so much grace ;) and jr foreva: i'm totally agreeing with you, either the Lucas-character in OTH is scitzofrenic and that is why he can go from beeing 100 in love with Brooke to felling nothin in like one episode... or Mark's just loosing it... i'm not sure lol

Here we go;

-

* * *

**CHAPTER 10 – I Dare You To Move**

_Welcome to the planet  
Welcome to existence  
Everyone's here, everyone's here  
Everybody's watching you now  
Everybody waits for you now  
What happens next?_

Brooke stops outside the schools entrance doors and breaths in deeply. Today is not going to be the best day of her life, she can feel that already, but remembering something Lucas had red to her one night she thinks "I am the master of my faith, the captain of my soul… I can do this. I have to."

Rachel has already pulled open the door and she follows her inside unwillingly. Somewhere inside of this high-school building is her backstabbing former best friend and even though Brooke has been looking forward to hitting her square in the eye for almost 48 hours she can't help but feeling a little uneasy about haphazardly meeting her in the middle of the corridor.

"What the hell will I say to Peyton when I see her?" she asks Rachel and hoists up her backpack on her shoulder. She looks around and watches all the students rush back and forth, laughing and talking. She's just been gone for one day but it all seems different.

"The blond whore? Just ignore her" Rachel smirks. "I mean, you can't fight her anyway in your condition. And I told her yesterday that if she so much as looks in your direction I will kick her for you."

Brooke laughs. "Funny, this is kind of the same discussion that you and I had a couple of weeks ago, just rearranged a little… If I remember correctly I offered to kick your ass for Haley's sake and you said I wouldn't because…um... yeah, because of the same 'condition'…"

Rachel laughs as well and it's a releasing feeling. Laughing in school and at least being close to normal. Her dimpled smile doesn't fade either. All the way to the lockers and on towards the classroom they laugh and talk, gossiping and trashing younger student on the way, just like she and Peyton used to do.

And just as she thinks that, Peyton walks past them on her way to her locker. She gives Brooke a long look, a mix between sadness, longing and bitterness and Brooke finds herself caught in the gaze. When Peyton disappears around the corner Rachel huffs;

"Remember on your birthday when I took you to that club? You told me about that whole library-kiss scenario and how she had told you that she would back of from Lucas if you said you loved him."

"Yeah?"

"I said that she was a good friend, remember? Well scratch that! The girl is psycho, totally! She messes with your boyfriend and you break up with him because of her and her weird emo-feelings, and then she sneakily overhears that you're pregnant and she goes ahead and outs it to him without talking to you about it?!? And now she figures that she has the right to look at you funny?! Seriously, what's up with that?"

Brooke just sighs and shrugs. She doesn't want to think about her birthday. It had been hard enough to be pregnant and celebrate it without her forever best friend, but to put that picture of Peyton and Lucas in her birthday-book had been almost self torture. She had needed to though, to remind her self not to fool herself again.

"Can we please not talk about Peyton…" she says and makes a face. "I'm feeling nauseous enough as it is. …the morning sickness you know…"

"Who wouldn't feel sick when she's around?"

Rachel laughs at her own comment and after a moment Brooke falls into it as well. Lucas sees them from further down the corridor and smiles unconsciously. It feels so good to hear Brooke's bubbly laugh again. He hasn't heard it in such a long time. And she looks great. Not as tired and pale as she's been lately. Yet he's happy that he gets to come along to the doctor this afternoon so that he himself can hear the doctor say that she's fine.

"Brooke!" He calls after her and she turns and smiles.

"Hey Luke…"

He speeds up the pace and catches up to the two girls right before home-room and Brooke actually links her arm into his. He smiles, happy that she isn't pushing him away, and he kisses her lightly on the hair.

"Everything alright?" he asks and she nods.

"Yeah… now I'm fine."

* * *

It's a little after half past one and Lucas is leaning towards Brooke's locker waiting for her to get out of Biology-class. And when he sees her coming down the corridor she's looking beautiful as always. But she's also looking very young. Coming towards him smiling, with her hair in a ponytail and the backpack draped over one shoulder, he suddenly sees her as the doctor will in half an hour. Like a young teenaged girl who's fitting in perfectly in high school but who yet hasn't figured out how to live in the world outside. And he himself probably makes the same impression.

"Hey baby…" he says. "Are you ready to go?"

She nods looking a bit nervous and he puts one arm around her shoulders as they walk out towards her car. Her hands are pulled up inside the sleeves of her sweater and he can feel how tense she is.

"Luke, we'll be okay, right?"

He stops and puts a finger under her chin, bringing her eyes up to meet his.

"I told you. We will be more than okay, we'll be fine." In his head he adds 'Believe me' but as of now he knows she won't. "Let's just get going."

He kisses her forehead and opens the car door for her on the passenger side. And as he grabs the stairingwheel he sees his hands shake a little. Today is the day that Brooke gets to decide their future.

"I dare you to trust me" he thinks.

_I dare you to move  
I dare you to move  
I dare you to lift yourself off the floor  
I dare you to move  
I dare you to move  
Like the day never happened  
Like today never happened…_

* * *

Half an hour later they're sitting across the table from the doctor as he flips through a pile of papers.

"So Miss Davis, how are you feeling today?"

"I'm still tired, though it's getting better…"

"Any nausea or vomiting?"

She laughs awkwardly. "Um…yeah… kind of all the time…"

"Well, that is to be expected. As well as some tenderness in your breasts and abdomen. You could also be experiencing menstrual like cramps."

The doctor looks down at her medical journal and she secretly glances at Lucas who looks a little embarrassed. It feels good to have him there with her but its still weird having someone else talking about her body in his presence.

"Your ten weeks along now and when you were last here we talked a little about your different options… Have you decided what you would like to do?"

_Welcome to the fallout  
Welcome to resistance  
The tension is here  
The tension is here  
Between who you are and who you could be  
Between how it is and how it should be_

Lucas glances back at her and their eyes lock for a second. She's been thinking about this decision for weeks going back and forth between the pros and cons with every option. And still, sitting here across from the doctor, she starts to panic. But then she feels his fingers intertwine with hers under the table, holding her hand in a steady grip like if he's letting her borrow some of his strength. She takes a deep breath.

"I… um… _we_… have decided to keep the baby."

The doctor looks up behind his thick glasses and smiles at her. "Then congratulations to the both of you." Brooke shyly smiles back already wondering what the hell she is getting her self into. But after last nights talk with Lucas, she knows that having the abortion would be too hard on both of them.

"When will I start showing?" she asks, not ready to meet Lucas' eyes, but she can feel his grip tightening and even in the corner of her eye she can see him smile. "Look at you Lucas Scott," she thinks to her self. "I've missed that smile…"

"Well it depends from person to person but you are young and you seem fit and healthy so it might not be for a while. Looking at your figure now I'd say not until around week fifteen."

Lucas clears his throat. "Yeah, uh… about that. Brooke is captain of the cheerleaders and I was thinking that maybe it's not so good for the baby having her practice four days a week…"

"Lucas!" she shoots him an angry eye and he looks back pleading.

"Brooke…"

The doctor smiles and interrupts. "Miss Davis. As long as you're careful you can keep cheering. I think we can agree that you know your body better than both me and Mr. Scott. Once your belly start growing you might want to cut down of the flips and the cartwheels but a little physical exercise is good when you are pregnant."

Brooke smiles winningly at Lucas who just mutters "we'll see about 'a little'…"

"Things you should abstain from though are alcohol, raw food, any per scripted medicine uncase you checked it with me, jacuzzi's. And of course stress, physical or mental… I'll tell the nurse to give you some brochures and I'll prescribe you some prenatal vitamins… But first we'll do a sonogram."

She gets up from the chair to get up onto the bed and she realizes that Lucas hasn't let go of her hand yet. She looks up at him and raises her eyebrow playfully as if to say 'are you scared?'

And he mouths back silently; "Thank you."

* * *

It's almost eight o'clock in the evening when they walk through Lucas' front door. After seeing the doctor they had went to the café to see his mother and the meeting between her and Brooke had been some what emotional. There had been crying, hugging, lectures, more crying and in the end some laughter as well. And he's glad that it went well because he knows how important the relationship with his mother is to Brooke.

"_I'm glad my son has you… and you'll make a great mother, you'll see…" _

He watches the brunette girl that slumps down on his bed with a tired smile lingering on her face. And he feels this pain in his chest over the fact that she's still not letting him all the way into her heart.

He's happy that she at least trusts him enough to keep their child and he figures that whatever amount of time she needs he will give her. If he'll just love her enough she'll come around. He has to believe that.

"Luke, can I ask you something?" she says and tilts her head, the way she used to tilt it and smile before she kissed him.

"Anything for you…"

"Do you remember dare-night? That stupid game that Felix put us up to?"

"Yeah…" he answers, not really wanting to think about the asshole Brooke used to date. "Why?"

"The whole point of that night was kind of to face our fears, right? To be able to do things that you're really scared of…"

"Okay…"

She looks a little embarrassed and he wonders what she's thinking of. He sits down beside her on the bed, giving her a look as if to say 'continue'. And she does.

"Well, Felix said that sometimes there are things you want to do which really scares you… and if you call it a dare, it kind of makes it okay… for a night…"

He not sure where she's heading with this but he nods anyway.

"So I was thinking… What do you say about us making this night our private dare-night?"

_I dare you to move  
I dare you to move  
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor  
I dare you to move  
I dare you to move  
Like today never happened  
Today never happened before_

She runs her hand through his short blond hair. She loves it this way, the way he had worn it last spring when she was living with Karen here in his house. And she waits for him to answer. She knows that her behavior probably seems strange to him but she's been thinking about this the entire day. Thinking about how to come around the rules that she herself has set up to protect her from this blond boy. He doesn't say anything but looks straight into her eyes, holding her gaze steady with his perfect blue's before catching her other hand in his, and giving it a soft squeeze that confuses her even more.

She holds her breath for a moment, tensing at his unexpected tender gesture and then relaxes against his warm body, thinking that this is how it's all supposed to feel. That she's happy.

So she does what she's wanted to do for days now, for weeks even, ever since they broke up. She gets up and stands in front of him. Then she slowly pulls her t-shirt over her head. And Lucas' eyes widen.

"What are you doing Brooke?"

"Just look at me" she whispers before starting to unbutton her jeans.

And he can't do anything but. The thin waist, the flat tummy that's hasn't even started to grow a tiny bulge and her breasts in the lacy white bra. She's gorgeous.  
Her eyes never leave his as her jeans fall to the floor. She takes a step forward, in between his knees, and runs her hands through his hair. Shivers travel down his spine. He has missed her touch so much. And not being able to resist the urge, he stretches out his hand stroking the soft skin at her stomach with his fingertips.

"Our child is inside of this beautiful body" he thinks and for a second he can hear her stop breathing.

Suddenly desperate to feel her he grabs her waist and pulls her to him, needing her to be closer. Needing to feel her pulse beating through her skin.  
He wraps his arms around her slender form and buries his head between her breasts. Stays there until her hands leave his hair and work their way down his back with nails gently rasping his skin through the t-shirt.

Then he starts to kiss her skin. Covering her upper body with kisses while his hands slide down over her body down to her thighs. He knows her body better then his own. Every freckle, every birthmark or scar. Every curve.

"Come here…"

His voice isn't much more than a whisper. And she straddles him.  
For what feels like the longest time he just looks into those amazing dark green eyes of hers, only hearing her breathing, and when she finally leans in and brushes her lips against his he realizes that he's been holding his own breath.

"I love you Pretty girl… More than you'll ever know."

"I love you too."

He runs his hands up her body, over her breasts, up her neck and through her hair. He makes his way from her collarbone to her lips, his kisses leaving an almost burning sensation on her skin and she sighs.

And then his mouth finds hers. His tongue begs for hers and she meets it. It's like her whole body is run on autopilot, like she's just lost control over herself. But it feels so good kissing him again. She knows that she might regret all this later, regret not being strong enough to protect her heart when she knows that them doing this is just going to screw up things even more. Even more so she'll probably regret being honest and telling him she loves him. And still she starts touching him back.

_Maybe redemption has stories to tell  
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell  
Where can you run to escape from yourself?  
Where you gonna go?  
Where you gonna go?_

She knows his body. Sometimes she even thinks that she was the one who found it and that no one touched it before her. His muscles are so familiar under her hands and she needs to feel his skin against her own. Impatiently she pulls at his t-shirt and gets it over his head before crashing her lips against his again and he tugs at her body, pulling it closer to himself. He grabs her by the hair, kissing her deeper as his left hand finds the hem of her panties and slips under them touching her skin in under. She gasps from pleasure and arches herself backwards allowing him to kiss her neck.

_I dare you to move  
I dare you to move  
I dare you to lift yourself  
Lift yourself up off the floor  
I dare you to move  
I dare you to move  
Like today never happened  
Today never happened  
Today never happened  
Today never happened before_

"It's too late to stop this," she thinks as he leans her down on the bed. And even though it scares the hell out of her she knows that she has fallen again. That the last brick-wall around her heart is failing and that from now on she's unprotected. Tomorrow nothing will be the same.

"Boyfriend…" she whispers between the kisses. "I've missed you."

-

* * *

**In the next chapter we'll be back to the real One Tree Hill-drama! I'm so happy LOL Until then, take care /Lynn **


	11. I Remember Everything

**Authors note: **Okay I seriously am speechless… The reviews I received from you guys after the last chapter were no less than amazing!! You are all officially **the greatest reviewers EVER**! And to think that this is my first fanfic and I've gotten over 100! YEY!!

So I was thinking of thanking you all by giving you this extra long chapter filled to the brim with **DRAMA** and I hope you won't bite my head off after reading it ;)

-

* * *

**CHAPTER 11 – I Remember Everything**

Two weeks has past since that night Brooke decided to make love to Lucas and slowly she finds herself settling into new routines. She still lives at Rachel's house and she still spends a lot of time with her and Haley but most of her time is spent with Lucas. The boy once again known as her boyfriend.

Getting back together with him went too fast, she knows that. What she first thought would be only for that one night, had turned into a one-way ticket straight back into a relationship. And maybe it had been stupid of her not to take it slower, but she loves having him around her. Close.

He's been behaving so different from before and she has to admit that she's actually starting to trust him, for real this time. He talks to her about everything now, trails after her everywhere (sometimes to the point where it even gets a little annoying) and he stays far away from Peyton. It's like she's been warped back to how it all was between them before the shooting, when life was good. Only now with Peyton taken out of the equation. And her broken heart slowly but surely starts to forget the pain.

Their closest friends and family are still the only ones to know about the baby and she likes to keep it that way for as long as possible. She knows that as soon as word hits the streets (or in this case, the school corridors), living this carefree high school-life will be much harder.

"But today feels just like normal" Brooke thinks as she drives into the parking lot outside school. Today is game day. The Tree Hill Ravens are playing against Parkwood in the regional finals and the spirit is high trough out the entire school. It's been a long time since they had a final game on home-court and even the social outcasts seem to be dressed in the schools colors.

Brooke parks her car in her usual spot and grabs the big brightly pink duffel-bag with her training-sweats and her cheer uniform. She's not going to make it home between school and the game today since she and Rachel has decided to throw in an extra practice. And she knows that Lucas would probably flip if he knew this, seeing that he's not so found of her doing somersaults while carrying their child.

Actually Lucas has been grumpy since Monday when she cranked up the usual one and a half hour cheer-practice to almost three hours a day. But what else can she do? The big championship-game is approaching and tonight's game is just a warm up to the performance her team would have to put up then. If principal Turner or Whitey found out about her delicate state it would all probably be a different story, but since they don't she can still call the shots. And pregnant or not, she's not going to let that Parkwood-slut Amanda Miles outlook her team on home court.

"So we're not telling Luke about the extra practice…" she says to Rachel a little while later by the lockers.

"Um… You don't think he'll figure it out when we share the gym with the team this afternoon?"

Rachel's tone is sarcastic and Brooke sticks her tongue out. "So not the point here redhead! I'm the cheer captain and I'm not missing out on this _or_ on the championship if I can help it. And by the time we're in the gym he can't say anything. We'll be in front of the entire team and he knows I'll flip if he outs this pregnancy before I say it's okay. I swear, I'll withhold sex from him for months and he knows it!"

"You're such an ego-centric little bitch Brookie…" Rachel laughs and Brooke flashes her dimples.

"I know!"

They walk past the video-room and she waves to Mouth behind the glass. He waves back smiling and that's when Brooke sees that the person sitting beside him is Peyton. Her wave stiffens awkwardly in mid-air and she looks away. Sometimes, even more often than she would ever admit, she really misses her childhood friend. The one she used to share everything with. And even though Brooke loves Haley and the new friendship with Rachel, it's still not the same as having a friend that has known you your entire life.

Peyton looks up and smiles shyly but Brooke is already turning to walk away. Although she isn't listening to Rachel anymore. Instead this weird memory of Peyton and herself fills her head.

"_What've you got there?"_

_Peyton sneaks up beside her and Brooke smirks secretly. "What?"_

"_You _know_ what! The Brooke Davis leopard-bra… Dude, that thing's like a welcome-mat! …Anyway, I heard you were naked in his car…"_

"_No!" She looks at Peyton with faked shock all over her face. "I was partially naked… At one point I had mittens on 'cause it was cold. …Oh, did you see my…" She starts to ramble but Peyton interrupts her impatiently._

"_Okay focus! You're a slut in mittens, you're in his car… Than what happens?"_

"_Well then nothing… He was really sweet. He drove me home, said goodnight, waited 'til I got inside…" she says with a satisfied smile._

_Peyton makes a face. "Maybe he's gay…"_

"_No. I think he's just nice… Anyways, it's going to be soo great when he sleeps with me…"_

Brooke shakes her head. "God, this can't be happening", she thinks. She actually misses hanging out with Peyton. And she misses their old 'hoes over bros-attitude'. It had all been so much easier before Lucas came along. Why couldn't Peyton have been honest from the start? If Peyton had stepped up and claimed Lucas in the beginning when she gave her the chance, none of last year's drama would have happened.

They walk into their English lit-class and her thoughts are cut short by the sight of the same blond boy, her Broody that she once tried to trick with the leopard bra. And she feels the flutter of little butterflies in her stomach. It's weird that his presence still does that to her, after this long. He looks up and smiles widely and she corrects herself. No, she doesn't miss Peyton. And she's damn happy that the curly slut was too slow in grasping the fact that this guy is pretty amazing.

"Hi boyfriend…" she purrs and leans down to kiss him. He captures her lips with his and pulls her down onto his lap.

"Hey pretty girl…" His words are interrupted by the kissing "I… missed you… last night… and this… morning…"

She laughs into his mouth and he leans back against the back of the chair to look if the teacher is there yet, and when he can't find Mrs. Kendrick behind the teachers desk he secretly lets his hand slide in under her pink t-shirt to touch the skin of her belly.

"How's my baby?" he whispers into her ear, and she puts her own hand on top of his, but over the t-shirts fabric, and whispers back; "just fine Luke. Your baby is just fine…"

Peyton walks into the classroom just minutes later and Brooke can see her give them a sad glance. But she forgets about it quickly since Lucas snuggles his nose into Brooke's neck and she has to giggle as he breathes into her skin. When Mrs. Kendrick finally arrives Lucas holds onto Brooke, forcing her to stay on his lap until the teacher sighs and asks them to break apart their little make-out session. Lucas pretends to look hurt but Brooke winks at him as she takes the seat next to Rachel instead.

"We'll continue this at lunch" Lucas mouths and she nods thinking; "Soon enough we'll have to grow up. But today is not that day."

* * *

Brooke's sweating and her hair is plastered to her forehead. "One more time!" she shouts "From the top!" She counts the beats out loudly as the girls make it through the routine. 

Lucas watches her from the other side of the gym. The other guys on the team are just finishing off a marathon of suicides but he's not allowed to participate due to his HCM. Instead Whitey has him watch and his eyes keep trailing of to his girlfriend.

"Brooke!" he shouts and she looks over at him, wiping the sweat off her forehead.

"What?"

He gives her a look saying 'be careful' and she shoots him the winning smile he loves. He wishes that she wouldn't train so hard but at the same time he knows that there is no use in asking her not to. She loves cheerleading and every time he's tried to talk to her about it she throws the doctor's words in his face.

"_As long as you're careful you can keep cheering. I think we can agree that you know your body better than both me and Mr. Scott. Once your belly start growing you might want to cut down of the flips and the cartwheels but a little physical exercise is good when you are pregnant."_

And every time she proudly states that since her belly hasn't grown noticeably she's allowed to practice as much as she wants. And since the pregnancy still isn't official school-news there's not so much he can do. So instead he worries for her in silence. And he tries to make sure that she drinks enough water and eats properly. He's even had Haley try and talk to her but that had only resulted in Brooke throwing one of her typical stubborn fits. And being twelve and a half weeks pregnant, his girlfriends hormones are spiking of the charts and the fits are nothing to play with.

She's wearing a black tank-top and sweatpants and his eyes drift to the little bit of bare skin at her midsection. There is a little bulge there but it's still so small that he probably is the only one noticing. Others probably just thought she had gained a couple of pounds. He's heard Rachel make fun off Brooke a couple of times, saying that Brooke was putting on baby weight, but honestly, if he didn't see her shove down big plates of his moms food at the café every night he would seriously be worried. Haley is already looking a bit chubby and Lucas can't wait for Brooke to start showing more too. Mainly because that would put a stop to all the guys that are constantly flirting with his girlfriend, but also because he knows that she then at least would give up cheering at the games. It's not like Brooke would ever run around in her cheer uniform looking fat. Then again, when it came to his girlfriend and her decisions, nothing was really predictable.

Nathan sits down beside him on the bench and gulps down water from a bottle.

"Dude, you're so lucky! I hate suicides!"

Lucas doesn't answer so Nathan follows Lucas' stare and watches Brooke practice for a while before saying in a hushed voice; "Man, are you sure that it's good for her to work out like that? I mean, she IS pregnant… and _that_ can't be healthy…"

Brooke is just stretching out into a split and brings her upper body flat down to the floor. Lucas sighs. "Not really. But what the hell can I do? She's as stubborn as they come, you know that Nate. It's not like she listens to anything I say…"

Nathan laughs. "True."

And it is true. Brooke is extremely stubborn but she is also tough, smart and one of a kind and he wouldn't want her any other way. She smiles again from down at her side of the gym and he thinks; "Either way, how could I ever say no to that smile."

------------

Over on the other side Brooke turns off the music and calls for a break. She's more tired than she wants to admit and she has a dull pain in her lower back. Keeping up the big smile is starting to become difficult but if she doesn't, Lucas gets all worried. Sighing to herself she massages the area on her back and watches as Bevin and Sarah bicker about who's the better actor; Orlando Bloom or Ashton Kutcher. Therefore she doesn't see that Peyton has stepped up beside her.

"Are you in pain B? Maybe you should just chill out a bit?"

Brooke feels confused. Why was Peyton even talking to her? They had done a splendid job of avoiding each other lately.

"Why do you care all of a sudden?" she asks suspiciously.

"Brooke… Haven't we been enemies long enough? I miss you…" Peyton looks at her with begging eyes. "We've gone through to much together to just bury this friendship forever… You we're there for me through the ordeal of both my moms and I need you…"

But Brooke just looks at her coldly. Even though she feels the same way, she needs for the situation to be the other way around. Peyton had screwed up so she should be there for her, not expecting her to comfort Peyton. Especially not know.

"Right… so you came out here to whine about your sorry excuse for a life?" she asks rolling her eyes at her former best friend. "Well I have my own problems. Maybe you should have thought about our friendship all the times this last year when _I_ needed _you_? Huh?"

"But how was I supposed to know you needed me? You never ask for help Brooke and you always put up this strong front!"

Angrily Brooke snaps back; "So? We've known each since we were six years old! Shouldn't you know me enough by know to tell when I need you? Just because I don't continuously whine about everything like you do…"

"But Brooke…"

Brooke sighs. "Not now Peyton. We have a game."

Peyton's eyes fill up with tears and she turns on the spot and leaves the gym. Brooke looks after her but shakes it off and shouts to the girls that the break is over. She isn't going to deal with this now. She can't. Instead she gives the girls new instructions before walking over to Lucas and Nathan, still sitting on the bench.

"Hey boyfriend… hey tudor-husband…"

She slumps down on Lucas' lap and he puts his arms securely around her and kisses her forehead. "Hey love of my life" he says back.

Breathing out she feels herself calm down.

* * *

An hour later Lucas is ready for the game. He's changed into his game-jersey and shorts and is about to join the team to go into the gym when Whitey asks him to get the stat-sheet from his office. He jogs off to get it, actually happy to have a mission since the pre-game nerves a settling in. But when he opens the door he's surprised to find Peyton in there crying. Not having talked to her in the last weeks he automatically gets worried. However the circumstances she is still his friend. 

"Hey…" he says softly. "What's wrong?"

------------

The game is about to start and Brooke stands at courtside and loses herself in thoughts for a second. Last time she had been standing here waiting for the team to come out through those doors was a little over two weeks ago, the same night Lucas found out about the baby. But it feels like more time has past since then than just seventeen days.

So much emotion has been pressed together during these last weeks and it's confusing because one moment she feels like her ordinary self. Like Brooke Davis the high school queen, whose biggest worries would be which party to attend or which pair of shoes to buy. And then the next moment she feels like this whole new person. A girl that's still only eighteen years old but who feels much more mature than that. She still hasn't really grasped the fact that she is going to become a mother in just six months.

The other night when she had lain at Lucas' side, like she had almost every night the past two weeks, she had been wondering if this was it. The big love. If they were actually going to pull through all of this and raise this baby together, being happy. She still isn't sure, but even though she's still not a hundred percent sure that being in a relationship with Lucas is the best for her, she is his girlfriend now and she can't help but smile about it.

Whitey and the team still haven't come out of the locker-room and she decides she has the time to run to the bathroom. She has to pee (the symptoms of this pregnancy sometimes drives her crazy) and she tells Rachel to be in charge 'til she gets back. She will only be gone for a couple of minutes but just in case.

"Mental note to myself" she thinks. "If Luke and I have any more children then he's carrying them." The image of Lucas being pregnant like Arnold Schwartzenegger in 'Junior' makes her laugh. She has to tell him this when she sees him after the game.

She makes it to the bathroom and when she jogs back down the corridor towards the gym she passes Whitey's office. And what she sees in there makes her just stop and stare. Her morning-sickness has gradually started to disappear the last couple of days but now the nausea is suddenly back. Lucas and Peyton are standing in there. They're hugging and Peyton is smiling up towards him. Her first reaction is to wonder why the hell Peyton wasn't in the gym with the rest of the squad but then the harsh pain of déjà vu fills her chest.

"Great!"

Her voice is loud and angry and the two blond heads bolt up and looks at her. Both pairs of eyes startled. The patched up heart in her chest, the one that lately has been trying so hard to forget, suddenly remembers everything. She walks off in a quick pace and Lucas runs after her. He reaches her just as she steps out on courtside and he grabs her arm.

"Brooke, wait!" He looks scared and guilty.

"So, where's Peyton?" she hisses. "Did you leave her behind? You know, that's strange… You two looked like you were attached at the hip. Are you back to sneaking again, huh?"

"Brooke, Peyton was just really sad that you guys aren't friends anymore…"

Brooke smirks. "Then maybe you should go back to comfort her Lukas, you used to be good at that if I remember correctly."

He opens his mouth to answer but right at that moment the start-signal buzzes in the speakers and Whitey shouts at him angrily. Brooke turns away from him and even though she just wants to scream and cry, she is the Raven's cheer captain and she has a job to do. So with a perfect smile on her face, that's exactly what she does.

* * *

Almost half the game has passed already and Lucas does the best he can with concentrating. Nathan shoots him angry glances now and again, probably pissed off that his older brother is letting him take all the heat, but he can't stop thinking about Brooke and her facial expression half an hour ago. 

He looks over at her for the fiftieth time and her face is the one of a perfectly happy cheerleader. Her smile is flawless, not giving away any emotion, but he knows his girlfriend and he knows she's pissed off beyond words. And probably more hurt than she would ever express to anyone.

Yesterday morning he had found her having breakfast with his mom discussing how to make a pregnancy-scrapbook and he had been so proud. Proud to have her and to hear her call him boyfriend with that sexy newly awakened voice she always had in the morning. Proud that Brooke Davis was to be the mother of his child.

Why couldn't he just have left Peyton to take care of her self? This was going to be a perfect example of the saying 'one step forward, two steps back'.

And the worst thing is that the sure to come argument is all so pointless, since the only thing he'd said to Peyton was that he had to take Brooke's side in this and that Peyton just hade to ride it out. When Brooke felt ready she would come to Peyton.

And Peyton probably just needed a shoulder to cry on because after that she seemed fine. They had been in the room for two minutes at the most. And still, he knows that all the trust that he's been fighting so hard to gain from Brooke is going down the drain at this very moment.

He sighs and tries to get back into the game. Throws a few good passes and shoots a couple of two-pointers, but he knows it's not enough. Thankfully Nathan plays good enough to cover for the both of them. He's all over the court playing hard and with a few minutes left of the second quarter Ravens are up by five points.

"I'll have to make it up to him" Lucas thinks and passes the ball that Skills shoots him over to Nathan, who is heading over to the three-point line. "But not today. This is seriously not my day…"

------------------

Brooke feels like her heart has been torn out of her chest as she fights to keep up her posture. Lucas has probably been talking to Peyton all along and the reason he had been so sweet and caring towards her lately is just because of the baby. She wants to kick herself for being so naïve and stupid.

Even more so, she wants to kick herself for actually taking Peyton's comments to heart earlier. For actually feeling bad for snapping at her when she thought that Peyton was trying to mend their friendship.

She waves her pom-poms halfheartedly and leads the squad through a cheer. Amanda Miles and her girls cheer on their side of the court and she catches the girl's eye for a short moment. Amanda smirks and Brooke wishes she could stomp over there and punch her in the face. At least that would take the edge of the anger she's feeling. And as the halftime buzzer sounds she decides to do just that. Well, not to punch Amanda in the face, but to go over there and challenge her. Pretty soon she wouldn't be able to do stuff like this because of her asshole of a boyfriend and his damn baby, so she might as well do it while she still could.

"Rach…" she says and runs her hand through her long brown hair. "What do you say we go over and show that Parkwood-whore who runs this house?"

Rachel smirks viciously. "Well well… Brooke Davis! I see that my favorite bitch of a friend finally decided to pull her head out of 'mommy and me'… Count me in; I'd love myself a cheer-challenge."

Brooke nods, already feeling the rush of adrenaline. She huddles the girls together for a quick moment and then leads the squad straight over to the other side where the squad from Parkwood is standing.

With one cold look at her Amanda says; "what do you want Brooke? Come to get some advice? Because by the look of your squad you could sure use some…"

The rest of the Parkwood-girls giggles but Brooke raises an eyebrow and smirks while sizing the girl up. Amanda Miles, the tall blond girl that had spread all the nasty rumors about her at camp a couple of years ago. Not that they weren't true… But still, she never had liked the bitch, and after Amanda had topped it all off with breaking Nathans heart in junior high and turning him into the jackass he had been while dating Peyton, Brooke had decided to hate her. Fiercely. Almost as much as she hated Claire Young. Or Peyton Sawyer.

"Care to prove that greatness you're always bragging about?" she says with the fake smile in full effect.

"Sure Davis, but you're going down"

"Really? I heard that was more your style…"

Rachel bursts out laughing at Brooke's last comment but Amanda takes a step forward and shoves Brooke in the chest. "Shut up bitch!"

Brooke holds her balance and sighs, rolling her eyes. What was this? Kindergarten? Just because Amanda had been caught giving head to a janitor at the Classics a couple of months ago she didn't have to go all cave-girl on her. "Cut it out Amanda, we're not fifteen anymore. I want a challenge. If I wanted a fist-fight I would have gone to a sportsbar."

But Amanda doesn't seem to get the sarcasm. Instead she takes another step towards Brooke and spits her in the face and Brooke doesn't even have the time to get angry. Because before she can even wipe the saliva of her skin Peyton has slapped Amanda right across the cheek.

"Fuck you Miles! Leave Brooke alone!"

Amanda and Brooke both watch Peyton with shocked facial expressions, for different reasons of course, and then Brooke feels Whitey's hand grabbing her shoulder.

"It's time for you to be the lady I know you are Miss Davis" he says with a stern voice. "Take your squad back to your side of the court and stay there, before you force me to give you all detention."

He turns Brooke in the other direction and gives her a small nudge in the back to encourage her to move. With one last deadly glance at Amanda she does as she's told and when returning back to courtside she looks at Peyton questionably.

"Why were you defending me Sawyer? Isn't that a little strange considering?"

Peyton looks embarrassed, "Brooke… me and Lucas… we were just…"

Of course, Brooke thinks. She had just done it out of guilt. But that didn't really work, did it now?

"Forget it" she interrupts "I don't want to hear it!" Then she turns towards Rachel. "Switch places with me. The fake-blond over here bugs the living hell out of me…"

Peyton looks at her with a hurt expression when the redhead takes the spot between her and Brooke, leaving Brooke to stand at the far end of the line of girls, closest to the grandstands. And Brooke can feel her eyes watching her as the third quarter starts and they go back to cheering.

"What does she want from me, really?" she thinks still somewhat confused. "One moment she wants us to be friends, the next she hides out hugging my boyfriend, and now she's acting like the old Peyton, always saving my ass from getting in a fight…"

-------------------

Brooke can't wait for the game to be over. She's tired, confused and irritated and it makes her crazy having to stand here and watch Lucas run around looking like a sad puppy.  
It's just a few minutes left and she uses her last energy-reserve to strengthen her fake smile. She has to make an escape plan. Because she knows Lucas and as sure as the time passes he's going to try and ambush her as soon as the final buzzer sounds. He's going to want to talk and she wants anything but.

She's thinking hard and her head is only halfheartedly in the game. And then everything happens so quickly. One moment she's jumping up and down cheering for Nathan who is making it towards the three-point line ready to score. The Raven's are up by only a few points and Brooke cheers him on the best she can. He's free and it looks like it's going to be a safe shot, but then a guy from the other team comes in from the side to try and grab the ball. And in the next moment Nathan and that other guy come crashing into her, tumbling all over each other in full speed.

She doesn't have time to react or move away and she's knocked down to the floor and into the lower benches of the grandstand. As she falls, the back of her head hits something hard.

There's a weird sound and she finds herself thinking; "Strange… someone must have dropped a cantaloupe…"

She ends up at the bottom of the pile of people and someone's knee goes straight into her abdomen. The sudden sharp pain makes her lose her breath. She's pinned down under the two heavy bodies and she has the time to wonder why she is seeing purple and white spots dancing in front of her eyes when blinking. Then suddenly the weight is lifted of her and she hears Rachel's voice;

"Brooke… Brooke!"

The redheaded girl pulls her up and she stands up on wobbly legs. She's feeling dizzy in a strange way. Kind of numb. Like if her body is hurting all over but at the same time in no place at all. Peyton tries to steady her and she wants to tell Peyton not to touch her, but she can't form the words and she tries to take a breath. It feels like she's about to faint.

---------

Lucas sees it all happening in slow-motion from the other side of the court.  
When Nathan had lost the ball he himself had turned and was already running back towards the home-basket, when something had made him stop and look back.

And then Nathan and another 6.4 tall basketball-player crashes right into his pregnant girlfriend.

He gasps as she's slammed into the ground and for a second he's frozen. With the sound of her head hitting the wooden bench behind her, the gym seems to go all quiet. And he just stares at the pile of people on the floor.

Rachel reacts first and Peyton is right behind her. He hears Rachel shout Brookes name and before he's even gotten out of his frozen state and made it over there they've got Brooke back up into an up-right position.

She looks shocked but she's holding her hand protectively over her belly and she seems alright. He breathes out, feeling his heart beating again, thinking that maybe it's all okay. That this was no worse than that time when she got knocked over at the away-game and twisted her ankle.

But that is until he sees the red fluid that's slowly running down Brookes bare thighs, dripping onto her white tennis shoes. And he starts running.

Brooke is bleeding.

And then he sees how her legs folds under her and she falls back down to the floor.

----------

* * *

**So honestly, how mad are you with me right now? LOL****  
As wishinonastar so eloquently put it in her review; Everything in Brucas-land is not gonna be Lala… **

**You know that I love it when you review.**

**Til next time ;) /Lynn **


	12. I'm Not To Blame

**Authors note: **Wow... this is wierd. I never got so many 'i hate you's' ever before LOL. No, but seriously, i'm loving the reviews and i'm thankfull to all of you. I do have to send out a special thank you to pOoLbEeRtAtToOs, B.Davis, wishinonastar, Broody-N-Cheery-4Ever and jeytonbrucasnaley for your thoughts and for not being tired of my constant questions and babbeling ;)

I hope you like this chapter.

-

* * *

**CHAPTER 12 – I'm Not To Blame**

It probably takes Lucas less then three seconds to get to the other side of the basketball court, but to him it feels like an hour. Brooke's lying on the floor but she is conscious and she doesn't seem to be in any pain, at least not at first. But when he sits down beside her she suddenly curls up into a ball, letting out a moan of discomfort. It's probably then that she sees the blood on her thighs because she looks up at him with terror in her eyes.

"Luke…"

Peyton squats beside Lucas and silently points to a gash at the back of Brookes head. He nods but tries to look calm, not wanting to scare Brooke, even though inside his heart is racing. And when she curls up over even more, holding her mid-section and starts crying in pain he just looses it, hearing himself scream; "Call an ambulance!"

He picks her up as gently as he can and gets her over to the bench. Nathan is beside him, ash-grey in the face and looking like he is going to start crying any second.

"I'm sorry Brookie…" Nathan repeats over and over. "I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to…" He doesn't even seem aware that his own lip is bleeding.

Rachel sits down on the bench, cradling Brooke's head in her lap. She's stroking her over the hair, silently reassuring her and pressing a towel against the back of Brookes head. But it's really not the blood coming from there that scares Lucas the most. Around them everything seems to be chaos but Lucas is concentrating on Brooke and blocking out the sound of Whiteys voice screaming out orders and the rest of the cheer-squad's hysterical chatter. He forces his eyes away from the trickle of blood still coming from underneath her skirt, not wanting to think about that this probably means the end of her pregnancy. Instead he looks right at her face. Her green eyes look a little glazed over. Unfocused.

"Listen to me pretty girl" he says trying to keep his voice calm and steady. "This is going to be okay. _You_ are going to be okay."

She bits her lip but she nods bravely and he kisses her forehead. And then suddenly the ambulance personal is there.

"Please…" He looks up at the paramedic and his voice sounds desperate, echoing back into his own head. "She's three months pregnant. I think she's having a miscarriage…"

The gym goes quiet once more and when he looks back down at Brooke, her eyes are closed.

-------------

It's been over an hour and the friends in the waiting-room have stopped talking all together. The air in the room is strangely tense and Lucas just paces around mechanically, stopping at the nurses desk every five minutes to ask the same question.

"Any word yet about Brooke Davis?"

But the nurse shakes her head every time and answers; "No but I'm sure the doctor will be with you shortly…" And he keeps pacing.

In the corner of his eye he can see Nathan sitting across the room looking out the window. He looks pale and Haley sits beside him stroking his back and whispering words that Lucas can't hear. As he watches the scene he feels like he's having an out of body experience. Nothing seems real.

"_I think it was me" Nathan whispers with a cracked up voice._

"_It's not your fault…_

"_But my knee crashed right into her belly Luke… I'm so sorry…"_

His own brother might have caused Brooke to miscarry. And if he had, how could he forgive Nathan for something like that? This wasn't supposed to happen. Not now. Not at all! He and Brooke had been happy the last couple of weeks. And Brooke had been so exited before the game, smiling that gorgeous smile that he loves so much. The smile that always made it impossible for him to say no to her.  
But this time he should have. He should have told her not to work out so hard at cheer-practice. He should have told her not to be down at courtside but instead up with Haley who was watching the game with the rest of the school. He should have kept her safe. And most of all, he shouldn't have hurt her.

He pulls a hand through his already untidy hair and looks over at the nurses desk once again. What could be taking them so long? Even if Brooke lost the baby it would be okay just as long as she was safe, he thinks. But if she wasn't…

No. He shakes his head and returns to the pacing of the corridors once more. He has promised her that she's going to be okay. And she has to be, because the last time he talked to her she had been angry with him and he needs to explain to her. To tell her he's sorry.

A hand touches his shoulder and he turns to see Peyton's worried face.

"Have they told you anything?"

He takes a step back so that she doesn't touch him anymore and shakes his head. "No nothing…"

"She's going to be okay Luke, I know she will… And I'm sure the baby will be safe as well."

Watching the curly blond girl, he knows she's only trying to make both him and herself feel better, because there is fear lingering in her eyes. She looks almost as scared as he's feeling but still he just wants Peyton as far away from himself as possible. He takes another step back as she reaches out her hand towards him.

"Don't touch me Peyton…"

His voice isn't angry, just very tired. She looks at him a little confused and hurt but also as if she somehow understands. Even so he still feels he should try and explain.

"…I know that you're worried about Brooke, but I'm not the one to comfort you… For once I have to do the right thing and concentrate on her, okay? It's not you. I just can't talk to you right now…"

Peyton nods, putting her hand that's still frozen in mid air back into the pocket of her leather jacket.

"Can I at least get you some coffee?" she asks in a low voice and he shrugs.

"Okay."

He sits down on one of the puke-green plastic chairs and watches her walk off with her hands deep in her pockets, before returning his eyes towards the door they had taken Brooke through earlier.

"There are so many strange beeping noises in a hospital" he thinks. "And there is always this eerie silence, like everybody in the entire building is holding their breath".  
His eyes constantly darts around, waiting for someone to come tell him what is happening, but when he looks over to the door he's surprised to see his mother.

"Mom…" he says, hearing his voice crack and feeling like a little lost kid.

She rushes up to him and pulls him into a hug. And he realizes that he is. Lost, and far too young to deal with this. Her arms gives him back some of his strength though, and when she pulls away and looks at him he manages to keep the tears from falling.

"Haley called me" she says. "I came as soon as I could… Is Brooke and the baby alright?"

He can't answer that and neither can anyone else it seems. But then a doctor comes through the door and Lucas recognizes him as Brookes own, the one they saw two weeks ago.

"Lucas. Are Brookes parents here?" The doctor looks around in the waiting-room.

"No and they wont be anytime soon. They're somewhere in Asia." He has been trying to call them a million times since arriving at the hospital but there hasn't been any answer. "How is Brooke? Is she going to be okay?"

"She's stable. The bleeding stopped on it's own and we've sown up the gash in her head. But she does have two broken ribs and a severe concussion… She must have taken a really bad fall…"

"Yeah…" He doesn't know how to answer that. Telling the doctor that his brother and another guy ran Brooke head first into a wooden bench with full force at a basketball-game sounds like a really strange explanation, especially since the injuries made it sound like Brooke had been beaten up by an entire basketball team.

"And what about the baby? Did she miscarry?" he asks instead with a slight tremble to his voice and he feels his mothers hand on his shoulder.

"No. Brooke is still pregnant but there was a small tear in her uterus and that's what caused most of the bleeding. We won't know for sure if the baby is okay until for another couple of hours. Blunt trauma can easily cause a miscarriage when it occurs this early in a pregnancy. But as soon as we'll know anything more I'll be sure to tell you…"

"Can I see her?" He's voice comes out shaky, probably from the emotional relief of knowing that at least Brooke was okay, and the doctor nods.

"Yes, but she might not be so responsive. We've given her pretty strong pain-medications. And you should limit her visitors… what she needs right now is rest."

The doctor reassuringly pats Lucas' shoulder and points out the direction towards Brookes room before rushing of into the other direction. And seeing the doctor leave Nathan stands up.

"What did he say?" he asks with a look of desperation in his eyes.

Lucas' voice is cold. "She's okay for now but they don't know about the baby… Apparently blunt trauma to the abdomen often causes miscarriages…"

He leaves them all standing there, and as he walks off he sees Nathan slumping back into his seat while covering his face in his hands. And Lucas knows he's being unfair leaving Nathan to think that he is the cause of all this. But the clouds of guilt hangs so low over his own head that pushing them over to Nathan is the only thing that makes it possible for him to breathe. Brooke is his girlfriend and he is the one that should have been protecting her. Nathan had only been running like the freaking energizer bunny during the game because he himself couldn't focus. If he had, maybe this wouldn't have happened at all.

"_Things you should abstain from though are alcohol, raw food, any per scripted medicine uncase you checked it with me, jacuzzi's. And of course stress, physical or mental…"_

"_And of course stress, physical or mental…"_

"…_stress, physical or mental…"_

The prenatal doctor's words echo's in his mind. He had been watching Brooke like a hawk these last weeks, seeing to it that she didn't do, eat or drink anything that she shouldn't. And then in the end he had just served her a huge portion of stress on a silver platter.

Rachel catches up with him half way down the corridor. She's not known to be the most sensitive person and usually she just seems self-centered in situations like these, but tonight she's been quiet and pale, keeping close to Mouth. She grabs him by the arm.

"Lucas… wait…"

He turns to face her and he sees her bottom lip trembling like she's going to cry.

"She's alright, isn't she?"

"I don't know yet Rach, but the doctor says that she'll probably be fine."

"What if she loses the baby? Oh Luke, I'm sorry… If I hadn't switched places with her this wouldn't have happened."

Everybody seems to carry their own feelings of guilt in this, he thinks. Although this time he can't even pretend that it's Rachel's fault, especially seeing that her eyes are red from crying. He feels with the redhead. She's certainly proved to be more of a friend to Brooke lately then he thought possible.

"Don't blame yourself Rachel" he says "she didn't want to stand next to Peyton and you helped her out. You weren't the one who made her angry at Peyton, I was… I'll come out and get you in a little while and then you can see her, okay?"

She nods quietly and turns to go back to the others in the waiting-room. He pushes open the door marked 214 and walks into the silent room, not knowing what to expect.

--------------

Peyton slowly walks down towards the hospitals main-entrance cafeteria. Her hands are deep in her pockets. She hates hospitals, hates them with a vengeance, and if it wasn't for the fact that her best friend might be really hurt, she would have just gotten out of here. But that's not an option.

It's kind of a relief to get out of the waiting room for a while though. Being around all of her friends (or maybe it is Brooke's friends, she thinks) makes her a little uneasy. Lately she's been kind of distanced from them all. Nathan and Haley are much closer to Brooke nowadays and Rachel and herself have never really been friends to begin with. And Lucas… yeah well, Lucas isn't in her life at all anymore.

She sees Rachel coming up behind her and slows her pace.

"Have they said anything about Brooke?"

Rachel looks at her unfriendly. "Yeah… Lucas is with her now, but they still don't really know about the baby… Why do you ask? I mean, you don't care, right?"

Peyton sigh and tears are pooling in her eyes. It kills her not to be able to comfort Brooke through this like Brooke has been comforting her so many times in her life. Brooke had been right earlier. She hasn't really paid much attention to Brooke's problems this last year. But in between everything that's been happening to herself, with her dad and Ellie and the shooting, she's honestly forgotten about Brooke.

"Fuck…" she whispers "this is SO not okay!"

Rachel frowns. "What?"

"This that's happening… Brooke and Lucas don't need this! Brooke deserves to be happy…"

Rachel raises an eyebrow looking suspicious and says "Since when do care about Brooke?" but her voice isn't as cold anymore. Maybe Rachel's also feeling that this isn't a place for arguing.

She must be because then she says;

"Look Peyton, Lucas said that the doctor told him that Brooke would be fine. That's most important, right? I'm going to get coffee for Nathan, do you wanna come?"

She nods, and as they start walking she finds herself telling Rachel about what had happened before the game.

--------------

Lucas walks into the room quietly. Brooke is lying on the side with her eyes closed and at first he's sure that she's sleeping. But when he gets closer to the bed her eyes slowly opens. And a wave of emotions crash over him.

"Pretty girl…" he whispers while gently stroking her hair. "You had me so scared…"

She looks alarmingly weak, not at all like her usual strong self, and he leans down and kisses her face softly.

"The baby, Luke?" Her voice is low and raspy and he can only hear her when leaning in over her.

"It's still there Brooke… but they don't know if it will be okay yet…"

"I'm sorry" she whispers and his chest fills with pain when he understands that she blames herself, just like he does.

"It's not your fault. And we don't know yet, the baby might still be okay…" He can see how scared she is and he just wants to make her feel better but there's nothing he can do.

"How Luke? The baby can't be okay, you saw how much I was bleeding…"

He nods. He had seen that. And when looking down to avoid her scared eyes, he sees some of her blood still on his shirt. That's when he realizes that he is still in his game-jersey and basketball-shorts. He strokes a few strands of hair away from her face and puts them behind her ear. It's like he has this warm knot in his chest, like a big ball of burning tears, and he suddenly feels like crying so badly. He's still looking down, trying not to cry, when he hears her voice;

"I talk to it sometimes… when I'm alone…"

He looks up but she's not looking at him. Her gaze is turned to the window and her voice is calm. "…but today I didn't…"

The tears finally come. He can't stop them. "It shouldn't be this way Brooke…" he cries "We're just kids. You're just a little girl Brooke… you shouldn't have to go through this… I'm sorry baby, I swear, I'm so sorry."

All the guilt he's feeling makes impossible for him to say anything more, but surprisingly Brooke takes his hand and pulls it up to her cheek. Her green eyes lock into his blue.

"If I loose the baby, then you're not to blame for it…" she says softly.

And with that he carefully climbs into her bed and puts his arms around her. None of them says anything more. And while his tears are falling freely, Brooke's eyes are dry. Silently they just wait.

------------

* * *

See, the brucas-baby is still there. At least for now ;)  
I know that you didn't get any of Brooke's thoughts in this chapter but you will, don't worry.  
Tune in for next chapter in the next couple of days. Same bat-time, same bat-channel LOL  
And as allways, please review.

**/Lynn**


	13. Calling All Angels

**Authors note: **Hey again. The biggest X-mas thank you to all of you for the great reviews! And I love to see that so many new people has found my story.

Just a few short answers: **Soundinmymouth:** I laughed my ass off when i read your comment "everyone makes mistakes dont worry about it!" lol. **TypoKween:** I too miss the bp friendship at times but you know that I agree with you on the forgivness-thing. **Courtneylovejason:** It's nice to see a Naley fan reviewing my story :) **Wishinonastar**: Maybe this isn't the big dysfunction you were looking forward to, but i have my other story so i'll make it up to you. lol **Broody-N-Cheery-4Ever:** I don't want to break your heart. lol. Just stick to your guns...

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**CHAPTER 13 – Calling All Angels**

Brooke rests her head softly against the pillow as she's taking in the nightly sky outside the hospital window. The stars are shining bright and the moon casts shadows along the white walls of the room. "This hospital really needs a makeover" she thinks, "just being in here for more than an hour could make anyone want to kill themselves".

She listens to the sounds of the night. Hearing the breeze that brushes the leaves on the trees, the few cars still out on the streets and the occasional humming of a bird. The sounds are so alive that the contrast to the sterile smell in the room almost feels mocking. She wants so much to drift off into sleep as the darkness surrounds her, but it seems impossible. The bed shifts under her weight as she repositions herself and she tries to free her left arm that is turning numb from her laying on it.

She feels his body against her back. And she can smell his scent; it's so familiar that she would instantly recognize it anywhere. By the sound of the breathing Brooke knows that Lucas has fallen asleep, finally. He's still holding her, ever so carefully as if she was a porcelain doll, and the shoulder of her hospital-gown is wet with his tears. But however much she wants to cry herself, she can't. Her eyes are dry like the Sahara desert.

The pain-medication is starting to wear off and she welcomes the dull ache in her abdomen and chest. The pain reminds her that the baby is still inside her and it makes her focus.

She has no right to cry or to feel sorry for herself. She had done this. This was her own fault. If she had listened to Lucas these last weeks and been more careful like he told her, then none of this would be happening. Instead she had gone about her usual life, thinking that it meant more to her to maintain her social status as cheer-captain… that everything else could wait for her to catch up mentally and to grasp that the baby inside her was for real…

"God, my shallowness really came to bite me in the ass this time" she thinks.

She knows that most of the tears Lucas shed the last hour had been out of his own guilt. And a small part of her hates him for being with Peyton at the game and making her mistrust him. Because if there is ever a time when she wishes that she could lean on him, then that time is now.

But the biggest part of her doesn't care about either Lucas or Peyton. She just wants her baby to be okay. Because deep inside she is so attached to it already, and she has been since the beginning. She has just had a hard time to admit it to herself. Up until she saw the blood.  
She wishes that there was something she could do to undo all this. And that she could turn back time to this morning in the classroom when she had been sitting on Lucas' lap, hearing him whisper sweet nothings in her ear. When his hand had been stroking her belly and life had been perfect.

"_How's my baby?" Lucas whispers into her ear, and she puts her own hand on top of his, but over the t-shirts fabric, and whispers back; "just fine Luke. Your baby is just fine…"_

Well, the baby wasn't exactly fine anymore, was it? Her stupid, childish decisions had made sure of that. And her anger over something stupid she'd seen Lucas and Peyton do, had made her unfocused enough to let this happen.

"If I lose this baby, I will never forgive myself…" she thinks and closes her eyes for a second. Her hand carefully peals it self away from Lucas' hand and she puts it over her lower abdomen. Over the baby that she still doesn't know if she will ever get to see.

"Hey…" she whispers "I'll give anything for you to just stay in there…please… Whatever happens between me and your daddy, remember that daddy is a good guy, okay? And I need you in my future so I just need you to stay put. Do you hear that? Mommy needs you…"

_I need a sign to let me know you're here_

_All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere_

_I need to know that things are gonna look up_

'_cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup…_

Lucas stirs in his sleep and she gasps with pain as his arm presses against her broken ribs. He instantly wakes and sits up.

"What happened, Brooke? What's the matter?"

She breathes in and out a couple of times before relaxing again. "It's okay Luke, I'm just sore."

He looks guilty. "Did I hurt you?"

Tiredly she hears herself ask; "When? Now, or back in the gym?" She knows she's being unreasonable, this is certainly not a time for pulling the jealous girlfriend-card, but it's so much easier to be angry with him than to hate herself.  
He supports his body-weight on his elbow and watches her.

"I meant now."

"Then in that case, don't worry. I know you didn't mean to…"

She turns her eyes away from his, instead watching the clock on the wall over the door. It's a little after eleven and she has a hard time grasping that just three hours ago she had been cheering at a high school basketball-game. It all feels so unreal. Guilt is mostly a foreign concept to her, as unfamiliar as restraint, regret, and trust. But now it's eating at her, making her angry and guarded. And honestly, in a parallel universe, she would just wants him to lie back down and hold her again, to kiss her and tell her everything would be alright. But she doesn't want to feel better. She doesn't deserve that right now.

The sounds of Train's 'Calling all angels' plays low on the radio and she looks up into the ceiling, thinking that the universe just kept playing tricks with her.

Every time Lucas gets her to trust him enough to love him fully, someone throws a scene with him and Peyton in her face. And what was the higher reason for them making this baby if she was to lose it? She had used to think that this, ending up pregnant at eighteen, was the worst thing to ever happen. But now, when she has finally figured out that she really wants this, it's all yanked out right under her feet.

_And there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head_

_And you can feel the world shake_

_From the words that I said_

_I am calling all angels_

_I am calling all you angels…_

"Maybe 'Train' was right, maybe this was the time to call for the angels" she thinks. Honestly, she was going to need to be on their good side if she wanted a miracle. But it might prove to be difficult since her former lifestyle had been nothing close to angel-like.

"Brooke…"

Lucas touches her face, urging her to look at him again, but she doesn't. She knows that he's waiting for her to listen but then he continues anyway; "I can explain about what happened before the game. I found Peyton crying and I just asked her what was wrong…"

Brooke shakes her head and closes her eyes again. "Not now Lucas…" she whispers. "Maybe when I'm feeling better, but not now."

_And I am calling all angels_

_I am calling all you angels…_

She tries to reposition herself to make it more comfortable and it hurts really bad to move. Lucas looks at her worriedly before carefully getting out of the bed and standing up. He gently touches her face and sighs.

"I'm going to get the doctor Brooke, I can see that you're in pain…"

She leans back into the pillows that are still carrying Lucas' scent. And he quietly pulls up the cover over her before leaving. She hates to see him go. Even if she knows she's not behaving that way, she really just wants him to hold her. But instead she's pushing him away again, and being alone in the hospital bed she's starting to see a pattern to her life and to her relationship with Lucas.

_And there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head_

_And you can feel the world shake_

_From the words that I said_

"If we get through this" she states to herself "then I have to stop pushing him away like this."

---------------

Rachel steps into room 214 feeling a slight case of déjà vu. Of course, last time she and Brooke had been together in a room at this hospital, Rachel had been the one in the bed. Brooke smiles at her, and even though it's nothing like the usual Broke Davis-smile, Rachel feels a little reassured.  
She has expected to see Lucas in the room with Brooke and she doesn't want to disturb, just see for herself that Brooke was awake and at least close to well, but Lucas is nowhere to be seen so she walks up to her brunette friend.

"Way to grab all the attention Brookie…" she says softly to lift the tense feeling of the room. "If you wanted us to hang out or something, you could have just said so. You didn't have to fall to the ground in front of hundreds of people."

Brooke's smile grows a little wider. "I couldn't let Amanda steal the show, now could I?"  
She pats the side of the bed for Rachel to sit down beside her. "And besides, the service at this joint is pretty good."

She knows that Brooke is faking the easy going attitude and she does the same to indulge her friend. This is a common trait between them; none of them really ever wants to come of as weak or incapable. And she sits down and nudges Brooke's arm gently, just as a small intimate gesture replacing what would otherwise have been a friendly slap.

"If you say so… but I wouldn't eat the food they give you. It sucks big time!"

Brooke quirks her eyebrow. "Rachel, with that ass of yours you should probably not eat at all…"

"You're one to talk. You know you look like shit, right?"

While keeping up the usual friendly banter, both girls watch each other. And even though few serious words are being said they easily understand what the others eyes are saying. It's clear to Rachel that Brooke is both scared and weighed down by guilt, to an extant where she's totally blocking out the whole scenario. But Rachel finds this completely understandable since it was exactly what she herself had done when Cooper wouldn't wake up.

And after just a few moments she can also see a 'thank you' in Brooke's eyes, probably for the fact that Rachel doesn't pressure her to talk about the baby. Or the eventual loss of it.

"So, I talked to Peyton" she says instead. "That thing in Whitey's office actually was innocent. Nothing happened…"

Brooke shrugs her shoulders and the movement makes her frown with pain. "Yea, I figured that… I just got shocked by seeing them. I know I overreacted but it felt much better when he held his distance from her..."

Rachel nods. "You didn't really need that today, right? I bet Lucas hits himself over the head with it though. I know that I do…"

But Brooke shakes her head and seems to go back inside herself. "It's not that. I just can't deal with Luke right now…"

And that's the closest they get to discussing what had happened. Then Lucas comes back into the room.

---------------

Lucas watches Brooke intently; hoping to discover a hidden clue on how to make things better, but her eyes reveal nothing. As much as he wants to understand, he knows he can't possibly fathom what Brooke is going through. If he is scared, then Brooke must be petrified, he thinks. But then, why isn't she showing it?

When he came back carrying the pills the nurse gave him for her pain, she had been strangely closed off from him. She took the pain-medication after Rachel left, but then she told him she wanted to be alone for awhile and he's feeling hesitant to leave her. Unsure if this is one of all the times where she says one thing but wants him to do the opposite.

"Talk to me Brooke…" he pleads. "Tell me how you're feeling."

"I'm fine. I just don't want to talk."

She keeps staring out through the window. And seeing her so emotionless makes him flinch in the chair. He's feeling like climbing the walls and she just sits there. She hasn't even cried.

"Fine? You call this fine!" his voice is suddenly heated and while gesturing wildly around him in the hospital room, his voice echoes loudly between the walls. "You're in the hospital, we still don't know if our baby is alright, and you just want me to walk out of here and pretend that everything's ok?!"

Somewhere at the fuzzy edges of his consciousness, anger is building up, or maybe it is hurt, or helplessness, or one of the many other feelings he can't seem to process right now. Because however he twists and turns the way she's handling this, he can't understand how she can be so cold. He's whole body has been aching for hours, just by the notion of her being hurt and by the fear of loosing this baby, and she lies there acting like she doesn't care. But she closes her eyes, saying;

"I said I don't want to talk about it Lucas, I just want to sleep…"

He's about to get up and storm out of the room in pure frustration, but something in her voice stops him. A slight shiver at the word 'sleep'. She hates to sleep alone, he knows that.

Looking at her again, he sees her hands fiddle nervously with the hem of the blanket and suddenly he takes in the image of her. Not just the image of his injured girlfriend in the hospital bed, but the clear image of Brooke Davis. She's not meeting his eyes and she bites her lower lip to stop it from trembling. Her shoulders are pulled up tensely almost all the way up to her ears, and the little crease that she always gets when worrying is more than evident between her eyes. He freezes as he realizes that she is scared shitless. That she's using up every source she has left not to break apart completely right at this moment. And this is why she wants him out of here, he thinks. Because it's harder for her to hold her self together when he continuously reminds her. So instead of running out on her he kisses her forehead. And by that gesture, more pain is evoked in her eyes than out of this entire ordeal.

"It's ok for you to care Brooke. 'Cause I can see that you do… Just tell me if you want to talk, okay?"

She nods and when she looks up at him, her eyes seem softer.

"I'll be just outside in the waiting room with my mom, just call me if you need me" he offers and before leaving the room and silently closing the door behind him he whispers; "I love you".

Brooke lets his steady presence soothe the debilitating anxiety she's been carrying with her all night. "He loves me and his just as scared as I am", she reminds herself. And buried beneath all the emotional wreckage she finds this small, but still detectable, glimpse of hope.

_I wont give up if you don't give up_

_I wont give up if you don't give up_

_I wont give up if you don't give up_

When Lucas peaks in through the door to check on her a little bit later, she's finally sleeping.

------------

Haley pushes the cup closer towards Nathan and he feels her stroking his hair. She knows he's feeling like shit, Nathan can see it in her eyes. But he still feels sure that he's solely responsible for putting Brooke in the hospital, and Haley can't make him feel better.

"Baby… have some coffee" she says softly but he just mutters something she can't hear.

"What did you say?"

He looks up and sighs. "Has Luke been back out yet? He said he was gonna tell us if they heard something about the baby."

Haley shakes her head. "No, do you want me to go ask someone?"

He shakes his head no and continues to look out the window. He's been doing this for most of the evening. Talking feels like betraying his guilt. Instead he listens to the rain that has just started tapping on the windowsill, its gentle rhythm lulling his body into the strangely welcoming calm of the night. His muscles would be stiff later from being in one position for so long but he doesn't want to move. Doing anything other than waiting and hoping could prove to be what jinxed it all, and he doesn't want more on his already heavy conscience.

Karen comes over and touches his shoulder, putting her other arm around Haley's shoulders.

"You guys should head home. Luke called from the room and Brooke is sleeping so it's probably better to see her in the morning. They won't get any answers about the baby tonight anyway, unless she doesn't miscarry during the night."

_And I am calling all angels_

_I am calling all the angels_

_Calling angels…_

* * *

Nathan is back in the car before 7 am, heading back to the hospital. He hasn't slept more than a couple of minutes at the time. The thought of how it would feel to raise his child while Brooke lost hers kept him wide awake. If Brooke and his brother lost their baby, all because of him… then what would he do?  
And at around five in the morning Haley had told him to go sleep on the couch, finally tired of his twisting and turning in the sheets. But of course, it could also have been because he asked her if it would be possible to give Brooke their own baby, if worst came to worst. His wife had just looked at him then, handing him a pillow and a blanket and pointed to the door.

He gets to his destination in one piece and hesitates outside the room where Brooke resides. But finally he musters enough courage to knock. He has to do this even if she screamed at him or told him she never wanted to see him again.  
Brooke's voice tells him to come in and he turns the doorknob to open the door.

"Hey tudor-husband" she says with a still sleepy voice. "What are you doing here in the crack of dawn?"

He drives his hands further down in the pockets of his sweatpants and looks down into the floor.

"I wanted to come here and apologize" he mumbles. "I wanted to do it last night, but I chickened out… I'm really sorry Brookie, you have to believe me…"

He can feel Brooke's green eyes watching him, but strangely not with the anger or resent his been expecting. Instead she's calm and her eyes are soft. She smiles at him and reaches out a hand to him.

"You have nothing to apologize for Nate. It was an accident… Come over here and give me a hug instead of just standing there."

He does like he's told and carefully wraps his arms around the girl in the bed. "How are you feeling today? Better?"

She nods. "Yea, I'm not as sore and the pain in my belly is mostly gone, but my chest still hurts like hell!" Laughing she then says; "How much do you guys weigh by the way?"

He laughs to, even if her every word still hits him in the center of his guilt.

"Probably not enough if you ask Whitey, he's always telling me I'm too scrawny… And talking about scrawny; where's that big brother of mine?"

"He and Karen went to get some plates and things from the Nurses lunchroom. Karen brought food from the café. I mean, no normal person can eat _that _without puking…"

Brooke points to a tray by the window, containing something that resembled of grayish oatmeal porridge and some jell-o, and he makes a face.

"Tell me about it. I been in here, remember? The food tastes like shit…"

They both laugh again and Brooke holds a hand to her chest as if to keep it from hurting by the movement.

Then a doctor and a nurse steps in trough the semi-open door. Brooke stops laughing instantly and the slight glimmer that has been in her eyes disappears.

"Hello, I'm Dr Taylor. Sorry to interrupt, but we need to do some tests before the morning rounds."

Brooke nods and tries to sit up a little more and Nathan gets up from his seat to make way for the nurse to be able to take Brookes bloodpressure.

"I'll go get Lucas for you" he says silently, seeing that Brooke looks nervous and a little scared. He squeezes her hand and she smiles weakly towards him before he leaves the room to find Luke.

The hospital is a complete maze though, with myriads of corridors and doorways, and he almost gets lost two times before finding the lunchroom next to the waiting room. Lucas is sitting and talking quietly with Karen. They both look like they are in a serious discussion and he doesn't want to interrupt but at the same time he doesn't want Brooke alone with the doctor if there were bad news about the baby.

"Luke… I'm sorry, but the doctor is in with Brooke now…"

Lucas is up at his feet in seconds, giving his coffee to Nathan before scurrying off through the door where Nathan just had appeared. Nathan looks after him, keeping his fingers crossed and begging silently that everything would be okay.

---------------

_I need a sign to let me know you're here_

'_cause my TV-set just keeps it all from being clear_

_I need a reason for the way things have to be_

_I need a hand to help me hold some kind of hope inside of me_

The gel on Brooke's belly feels cold and she takes a deep breath. Lucas holds her hand with eyes already glued to the computers screen and the doctor mumbles; "Let's see here…"

She tries to find a happy place in her head. But none of her favorite ones work today; not Lucas in the shower, not their weekend in the lodge with their friends, not even Weird Science. Then the black and white picture of her insides show up on the sonogram-screen and it's just seconds before the fluttering sound of the baby's heart fills the room.  
She gasps. It's still there. Her baby still has a heart.

Last night, when Lucas said she was still pregnant, she hadn't dared to believe it. She knew that if she did believe it and it later turned out to be a mistake, she would break down completely. So in order to be able to function she's just been trying to keep her heart from feeling anything for almost twelve hours, but now while hearing that beautiful sound, the tears comes pouring.

"Lucas…" she sobs hard, making her broken ribs hurt even more. "The baby…"

_And I am calling all angels_

_I am calling all you angels…_

Trough the tears she can see that Lucas is the one being strong now. He's smiling so widely and she squeezes his hand. But then the tears show up in his eyes as well and he buries his head at her side, making her unconsciously run her fingers trough his blond hair, suddenly wanting to hold him close.

"Everything looks alright Brooke" the doctor says reassuringly. "The baby's heart-rate is back to normal and I can't see any signs of more bleeding in the uterus. But because of the tear, your pregnancy will be considered high risk in the closest couple of weeks. The baby is fine but you're not, so you have to take good care of yourself."

She wipes the tears from her face and tries to concentrate on what he is telling her. Lucas' sobbing at her side makes it hard. The tears rush down her face faster than she can wipe them off and for some reason she can't seem to hear a thing besides the quick thumping sound coming from the computer. It's the most wonderful thing she's ever heard.

"High risk, what does that mean?" she asks in a shaky voice.

The doctor points at something on the screen causing the nurse to take notes before turning back to Brooke. "It means that you're not allowed to strain yourself in _any_ way. Your body is fragile and until you're fully healed it's not really prepared to deal with your pregnancy. Therefore we'll have to keep a close eye on you and you'll probably need help to get by around the house. When are your parents coming back?"

Lucas wipes his cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater and looks at Brooke quickly before meeting the doctor's eyes.

"Brooke's parents actually don't live her. They… uh… they live in California."

Lucas statement causes the older man to frown and he pushes his glasses up on the nose before looking at the screen again. "But I can't release you without you having parental supervision at home. I know you're eighteen Brooke, but this is important. You'll need to be on complete bedrest the first week, and even after that you're going to need support."

"I have a roommate" she tries, but the doctor shakes his head. She looks over at Lucas who is smiling even bigger than before.

"Then I guess you're stuck with me and my mom."

_And I am calling all angels_

_I am calling all you angels._

Brooke blinks away the tears and thinks; "See baby, I told you your dad was a good guy…"

* * *

-

**So are you all happy now? Yea, yea... there will be a baby. think of it as a x-mas gift, lol.  
I wasn't really as satisfied with this chapter as with the other ones so i would really appriciate your reviews.**

**Merry X-mas to all of you!**

**/Lynn**


	14. The Needle And The Damage Done

**Authors note:** I hope Christmas treated you all good and I'm extremely grateful that so many of you reviewed even though I was stupid enough to post a chapter the day before the big day. Huge thanks!  
So, I've noticed that everybody seems to give references to songs and chapter-titles… Well, this is my first fic so you can't really be mad at me for not to ;)  
I'll promise to do it from now on and if you want to know anything about previous references, then feel free to ask and I'll tell you. The title of this chapter is from a song by Neil Young.

-

* * *

**CHAPTER 14 – The Needle And The Damage Done**

Brooke watches closely as the nurse takes a final bloodtest. Needles don't scare her, more of the opposite, and she has always loved watching ER on TV (even though that probably had more to do with that cute dark-haired guy playing one of the doctors). Lucas on the other hand is scared of needles and she smiles as the nurse gives her a band-aid. He had almost fainted that night when he had that chinese tattoo. It's weird how a guy like Lucas can be such a girl when it comes to things like that, she thinks. He's always so strong and unafraid otherwise.

It's a clear morning; she can see that through the open blinds, and she can't wait to get out of here. After spending three days in the hospital she more than tired of the place. Lucas is coming to pick her up any minute and he's bringing Rachel with him since Brooke honestly doesn't trust his fashion-sense. Rachel's mission is therefore to bring Brooke something to wear. And nothing is ever going to feel as good as getting out of this horrible gown, she thinks.

"So, I think that's all I need" the nurse says sweetly and smiles. "But be sure to wait for the doctor to release you. He should be here in about fifteen minutes."

Brooke nods and thanks her and when the nurse leaves the room she swings her legs over the side of the bed and walks over to the window. She's feeling much better. The cut in her head is healing and her chest isn't half as sore anymore. But best o all, she thinks while putting a hand over her belly, there hadn't been any more complications with her baby.

There's a light knock on the door and as she turns she sees Rachel walk in followed by Lucas.

"Good morning to you my slutty friend" Rachel chirps.

"Rachel! I'm so glad to see you" Brooke offers without taking any notice of the 'slut'-remark. "Did you get my stuff?"

She practically skips over to her redheaded friend, or at least as close to skipping as her ribs allow her, and she tries to look into the bag Rachel's carrying. But Lucas puts his arm around her and guides her back towards the bed.

"What are you doing up pretty girl?" he says.

She smiles at the worry that is etched all over his face. And she reaches out and touches his cheek with her fingertips causing him to pause and glance at her.

"Lighten up Broody. I won't break, okay? Remember, they're releasing me today."

Lucas doesn't look convinced. "They're releasing you to bed-rest baby. I'm pretty sure that bed-rest means that you are supposed to be on your back in bed… And believe me; I will make sure that you stay that way even if it means that I have to lie on top of you."

"Oh, good decision" Rachel fake-coughs sarcasticly, "That's kind of what got you two in this baby-mess in the first place, isn't it? And Lucas, not to but in or anything but I don't even think that's Brooke's favorite position…"

Brooke really wants to keep a straight face. Lucas is just worried about her and she doesn't want to hurt his feelings, but Rachel's comment has her bursting out in fit of laughter that has her holding her ribs. Rachel always finds the naughty undertone in everything people say, kind of like herself. And even Lucas smiles.

"And how would you know that Rach?" he says with his arm still protectively around Brooke's waist. "Has there been some girl-on-girl action that I'm not aware of?"

-----------------

The doctor releases Brooke after giving her strict orders to stay off her feet as much as possible for the first week, and Lucas tries to remember everything he says down to the last word. And in the car on their way home, his eyes keep trailing off to her face every other minute just to check that she's okay.

She seems fine though, laughing and gossiping with Rachel. And wearing jeans, a brightly pink tank-top and even some make-up, she looks like before the accident. He's just worried that Brooke will refuse to follow the doctor's orders. His girlfriend is the regular ball of energy and making her do anything slowly is a mission impossible, unless it comes to schoolwork of course.

But when they drop Rachel off outside school Brooke actually stays in the car without fussing, and she lets him take her home and to bed without any protests.

"Now get to school Broody" she smiles and leans back to watch the TV he's put in there for her comfort. "How am I going to manage my finals if you're not studying for them?"

"Ha ha… really funny." He kisses her and then hesitantly goes back out to the car. He's made sure that she has everything she needs while he's gone and his mother would be home from work in just an hour or two, but he still feels bad for leaving her alone.

To make matters worse school is slower than usual and he sits through his first classes just waiting to go back home, but at lunch he finds Nathan who cheers him up a bit with talking about the upcoming NBA-drafts and Haley's sudden addiction to Oprah and pickles. And while laughing he suddenly looks up and sees Peyton walking up to their table.

"Hi guys…"

She sits down and Lucas realizes that he hasn't seen her since that first night at the hospital. She looks tired, kind of worn out, and he wonders why. This time he doesn't ask though, last time it hadn't turned out the way he wanted it to.

"Hi Peyt…"

She gives Nathan a friendly hug but she doesn't attempt to touch Lucas and he feels a little bad for what he said to her at the hospital. It had been kind of harsh but at the same time it was how he had felt. How he still felt. Since Peyton told him about her feelings everything between them is just awkward.

She watches him over the table. "So, how's Brooke? She was released from the hospital this morning, right?"

Haley must have told her, he thinks. She was still hanging out with Peyton once in a while.

"Yeah, she's home resting. She won't be back to school until next week."

Peyton smiles shyly. "Oh, okay… well, could you tell her that… I mean… um… just tell her to get well…"

She stuttering as if embarrassed and he nods. "I will." She actually seems genuinely concerned. And not that it surprises him, he knows that Peyton misses the friendship with Brooke, he just wishes that she would show this side when around his girlfriend. But as soon as Brooke and Peyton got closer than ten feet, they would both flip to bitch-mode.  
Switching the topic he asks about her dad and they talk as friends for the rest of the lunch-hour, before he finally grabs his books and walks off to his chemistry-class.  
Without Brooke he's just bored out of his mind. God, where was Haley when he needed her?

-----------------

Haley is waiting by Lucas' locker after fifth period. She wants an update on Brooke and she misses hanging out with him since she's hardly seen him the last couple of days, other then when she was visiting Brooke in the hospital. Nathan is driving her crazy at the moment. He's not being mean or anything but he just gets on her nerves and she's blaming it all on her raging hormones. Spending some time with level-headed Lucas is exactly what she needs.

And finally she sees him coming down the corridor and she smiles and waves.

"Hey Hales" he says smiling back at her. "I've been looking for you."

"Well how fitting since I've been looking for you too. Do you have any more classes?"

"No, why?"

She links her arm with his and pulls him towards the entrance.

"Because I miss you and I were thinking that we could go to the store and get some groceries and then we could head over to your house and cook some food for that bed-resting girl of yours. She's home now, right?"

He's smile grows wider. "Have I told you lately how great you are Haley James-Scott?"

"Actually I don't think you have mister… But you can tell me in the car."

They drive to the foodstore and while picking up everything they need Lucas starts telling her about this comedy he had watched with Brooke last night. He quotes it, making funny voices, and she's laughs. It's good to see him happy and she knows that Brooke is the one responsible for this big smile on her best friends face. Lucas and Brooke just complete each other, she thinks. Brooke was always calling the relationship she herself had with Nathan an epic romance. A life-lasting love. But what Lucas has with Brooke is just as powerful.

She thinks back to hers and Nathans rehearsal dinner and remembers Brooke on the stage, looking completely stunning, and saying that her and Nathan made them all believe in true love. And she hopes that Brooke does, even though it was that same night that Peyton told Brooke that she still had feelings for Lucas. And if Brooke doesn't believe, then Haley decides to believe enough for the both of them, because with everything Brooke and Lucas had gone through during the last two years, Haley wouldn't be surprised if Lucas popped the big question to Brooke even before senior year was over.

"Have you ever thought about marrying Brooke?" she asks and Lucas quirks his eyebrow.

"That was kind of out of the blue… How did you come to think of that?"

She laughs. "Don't be so nosy. Just answer my question. Have you?"

He actually blushes now and she can't help but to find it cute.

"Of course I've thought about it… Lots of times… but I'm not sure she'd want to though."

He looks a little embarrassed and starts to grab some tomatoes from a shelf and she looks at him intently.

"Why?" she asks but when seeing him blush even more she gasps. "Lucas Eugene Scott! Did you ask Brooke to marry you without telling me?!"

He quickly shakes his head. "Um…NO! It's just that she… um… Do you remember that weekend when we were at Rachel's cabin? When Nathan stole your ring?"

"Yeah…"

"Well he asked me to hold on to it and I was kind of showing it to Brooke one morning… and well, she thought I was proposing to her… and she just made a face and said that marrying was crazy…"

"Did she say that?" Haley has stopped now, in the middle of the isle, but she desperately wants to hear the end of this story. Lucas might think that Brooke isn't the romantic type of girl, but she knows better. Hiding behind Brooke's sexy bitch-exterior there is a pretty in pink-princess dying to get out and Haley can't believe that Brooke would have said that marrying Luke was crazy. But Lucas makes a face.

"No actually she said; 'Are you proposing to me?! Lucas, this is really _Naley_'…"

He's imitating Brooke's voice and Haley bursts out laughing. That answer is more like the Brooke she knows. Right then Lucas cell phone rings in his pocket and he pulls it out while putting the vegetables in the cart. Haley grabs it and keeps going as he answers, still laughing about what he just said. Really Naley, huh? She is going to get Brooke for this later.

"Lucas here… Oh, um… hi Mr. Davis…"

Haley turns around and she can see Lucas facial expression stiffen and his smile fades.

"No, actually I'm at the store and she is still… yes she's feeling much better… yes, but…… okay… Yes sir… Yes… goodbye."

Lucas flips his cell phone closed and Haley watches him breathe in and out for a couple of seconds. She lets go of the cart and walks up to him. If that was any way close to who she thought it had been on the phone, then this was obviously not an everyday-happening.

"Hey what was that about?" she asks, touching his hand. "Was that Mr. Davis as in Brooke's dad?"

Lucas nods and then his facial expression changes again, this time to a stressed out frown.

"Shit, I have to get back and talk to Brooke! She doesn't know I told her parents…"

Haley looks at him confused. "What's going on here" she thinks. "Told them what Luke?"

"I tried to get a hold of them when she was in the hospital… I didn't know how badly hurt she was or if she was even going to be okay. So I kind of blurted out that she was pregnant and that she was having a miscarriage on her dad's answering machine…"

Haleys mouth falls open and she stares at Lucas. He's looking like he's going to crawl out of his skin. "What do you mean" she asks, still feeling very much confused. "They didn't know that Brooke was having a kid?"

Lucas looks a little pale as he shakes his head no, and she just grabs his hand pulling him out of the store.

"Fuck this Luke!" she blurts out. "What are we standing here for? Lets go! Brooke is going to go crazy…"

--------------

He tries to call Brooke close to twenty times while driving back to his house but there's no answer and on top of everything else he worries that maybe something has happened to her. Haley's hammering him with questions of why Brooke hadn't told her parents yet and about what her father had said and he gives her short responses.

He knows Brooke had done an honest try in telling them a couple of weeks ago, but they were always busy and there was never the right time. So finally they both decided to let the 'big event' slide until Mr. and Mrs. Davis were back in California. Of course, he also knows that Brooke had been all too happy to postpone since she was sure that her dad would go completely mental when he found out.

"But her dad going mental is nothing compared to how Brooke is going react when I tell her what I've done" he says to Haley as he parks in the street outside his own house.

He walks up to the backdoor and goes straight into his room, finding Brooke on the bed sketching on new clothing-ideas. Her head bobs up and down and he realizes that she's listening to her i-pod. That is why she hasn't heard the phone.  
Haley walks in behind him and now Brooke looks up and sees them both.

"Hey Tudor-wife!" she says happily and pulls out the headphones. Then she winks at him. "Oh, and hi boyfriend…"

He smiles sheepishly at her and leans down to kiss her, savoring the last moments of peace between them before he wakes up the sleeping dragon more closely known as Brooke Davis' rage. Brooke kisses him back and then looks back at Haley.

"I thought that you weren't coming here until later… But don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're here! I'm dying out of sheer boredom…"

In his eye he can see Haley shooting of an awkward-looking smile towards her friend and he realizes he just has to come out and say this, the sooner the better. Maybe Brooke feels the weird tension because her eyes start going back and forth between him and Haley.

"Hey guys, why are you behaving so strange?"

He sits down next to her.

"Um, Brooke… your dad called me fifteen minutes ago… um… He's kind of angry…"

He watches as her eyebrow shoots up, leaving her to look at him suspiciously. "My dad? …um…why would my dad call your cell phone Luke? How did he even get that number?"

He closes his eyes and wonders if there is any way he can get out of this without having Brooke throw a complete temper-tantrum. But no.

"Probably because I kind of called him when you were in the hospital…" he says silently, looking at her closely to try and foresee any reaction. "I called him before I knew if you were going to be okay… I was just so scared and I guess… I guess I kind of told him… on the answering machine…"

Brooke's eyes become huge and she just looks at him with disbelief. It's as if he slapped her over the face.

"You told him what? That… that I'm pregnant?"

He nods and swallows loudly. They had talked about this several times the last couple of weeks and this was certainly not the way they'd practiced it. The plan was to call them and maybe have them to come to Tree Hill so that they could sit down and tell them face to face.

Brooke shoots up from the bed and starts pacing back and forth and Haley finally jumps in to help him.

"Brooke, calm down… I bet they're not that angry. They were probably just worried to hear that you were hurt, right Lucas? You shouldn't be out of bed Tigger… Think of the baby… Please Brooke…"

But if looks could kill then both him and Haley would be lying dead on the floor. "Don't tell me what to do!" she shouts. "Have you any idea how bad this is?! My dad is going to kill me!"

Lucas gets up and grabs her, pulling her into his arms. She's stiff as a board and she tries to break free from him but he holds her calmly. And finally, after pouring soothing words over her, he gets her to go back to the bed.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" she asks and the anger is still burning in her eyes. "It's been three days Luke… I could have prepared for this. Because I'm guessing that he wants me to call him back, right?"

"Yeah, as soon as possible… I'm sorry Brooke. I totally forgot about it since I actually didn't talk to him. And all that was in my head was you and the baby…"

Haley sits down beside Brooke and puts her arm around her. And Brooke doesn't push her away. Instead she just sighs and looks up into the ceiling.

"Seriously, what have I done to deserve all this?"

------------------

Haley eventually leaves and later that evening Lucas sits with his back rested against the bed's headboard, trying to scan through his history-homework. But it's boring him out of his mind and his head is full of more pressing matters. He still thinks about Brooke's phonecall to her parents earlier. It had been short and cold. Brooke had merely just confessed to being pregnant and he had heard her father screaming angrily at the other end. And then Brooke had just hung up and stated that she didn't want to talk about it. She's sitting over at his computer now, using his IM to talk to Rachel and he looks at his watch.

"Hey cheery. It's been twenty minutes. Get back to bed."

Brooke just sticks her tongue out at him and keeps typing. She's not mad at him anymore, at least he doesn't think so. But even if, she's been up and about too long. So he gets up, walks over to her and promptly lifts her up in his arms. She protests loudly but he just laughs and carries her over to the bed.

"I gave you twenty minutes. The time's up and you need to rest. But if you're nice and do as I tell you, then I will stay in bed with you, okay?"

He sets her down and gets back to his previous position against the headboard before patting his own chest.

"Come sit here with me" he says. "I'll read you something."

Brooke pretends to be annoyed first, but then she crawls up between his legs and leans her back against his chest, and he savors the feel of her body next to his. At home and safe, and not angry anymore. But he really can't blame her for throwing a fit earlier, he had totally made a mess of things. One of the greatest things with his beautiful girlfriend though, is that she never holds a grudge for long. Her anger is flaming red and passionate, but short-lived. And when she calmed down and realized how scared he had been that night she simply forgave him and made out with him for half an hour straight, saying that he needed a little loving for being such a caring boyfriend.

He picks up the history book once more and browses through the pages to find the right chapter. He might as well keep her up to date with the schoolwork he thinks, but Brooke seems to have other ideas. She kisses his fingers, one by one, and finally places a kiss over the scar at his thumb, the one from his childhood fishing-trip.

"You still miss him, huh?" she asks softly and there's a tug at his heart when thinking of Keith.

"Yeah, even more now with the babies coming… He'll never get to see either his own child or mine…"

For the second time he puts the book down and strokes Brooke over the hair, untangling her chocolate brown waves with his free hand. She brushes her lips over the scar again.

"I know he would've wanted to be here for you Luke… but in some way he still is here, you know. And maybe if we have a boy, we could name him after Keith?"

"I love you Brooke"

He kisses her temple and wraps his arms around her, carefully since she's still a little sore. This was the girlfriend he knew and loved so much, the one that always was there for him giving him comfort. The one that remembered the little things he told her, like about that scar coming from his fishing-trip with Keith. But even with her here it's hard to think about his uncle. Keith is still the closest to a father he ever had.

Brooke smiles up at him and he kisses her softly. At least he'd had Keith and his mom to love him while growing up, he thinks, and they had always supported him and his decisions. It hurts him to think about Brooke's strained relationship to her parents. She didn't seem to ever have been able to lean back at them for anything other then money.

He remembers telling Keith once that he worried too much about things, back when his mom was still in Italy. And Keith answered;

_Well, I've gotta worry once for myself and once for your mother…"_

Kind of how he was feeling right now, worrying once for Brooke and once for their baby, every time she just moved or frowned. Brooke has only been home from the hospital for a day and she's probably already tired of him fussing over her, but with this new issue he's even more worried. She doesn't let him in on things concerning her family. She never has. Her relationship with her parents was like this untouchable big secret.  
And at this moment he wishes so much for Keith to still be alive and here.

"You could worry how ever much you want uncle Keith", he thinks, "just as long as you would give me advice. I have no clue how to be a good dad _or_ a good boyfriend."

He keeps watching Brooke and runs his hand softly over her belly. He can feel her eyes on him but he's loosing himself in memories, thinking about that morning in the kitchen when he and Brooke had just started dating, and his uncle had accepted her as his girlfriend even before Lucas had even introduced her to him. Smiling to himself he thinks that Keith always was a good judge of character. Keith had picked Brooke over Peyton right from the start, even before his own heart made the choice.

"You know, he was always there for me…" he says quietly. "And I just took it for granted…"

Brooke untangles herself from him and turns in his arms so that she's facing him. Her fingers softly touches his face and he leans his cheek into her hand.

"You didn't take Keith for granted Lucas. You were always there for him as well and he loved you. Keith was a really wonderful guy, and even though I didn't know him half as well as you did, I can see that you picked up a lot of his traits…"

She leans in and kisses him, making him feel better with her soft lips. But in the back of his mind he can't help but wonder what Keith would say if he saw all the mess that he had created since the day of the shooting. Hurting Brooke, making her pregnant, then acting like a clueless jerk. Pushing away Peyton and then not being able to keep Brooke safe…  
Still leaning into her hand he says, mostly to himself;

"How did we end up like this?"

Brooke looks down at her belly before meeting his eyes with a confused look. "What do you mean? Do you mean the pregnancy?"

"No, I meant all of it. Keith's death, us being teenage-parents, your friendship with Peyton all destroyed…

"I don't know. But we'll be alright Lucas. You said so yourself."

She's starting to look a little worried and he decides to stick with the pregnancy-question for now. It's the one that is easiest to talk about. Smiling he cradles her in his arms again.

"How did we end up pregnant by the way?" he says softly. "We never talked about that, right?"

"Well, it's called sex Luke… we did it a lot you know. And I can't wait 'til the doctor clears us to do it again… "

There's a glimmer in her eyes that he knows all too well and he laughs. Of course he didn't mean it like that but she's right with what she says. During their entire relationship they have always been at it like bunnies. And with a girlfriend looking like Brooke, who could really blame him, he thinks. But they were always good with protecting them selves. Brooke must be thinking about the same thing because her dimples suddenly show as she says;

"Do you remember that day when we met Deb in the drugstore? We had been dating only a week maybe…"

He laughs. "Yeah, how can I forget? Your face was priceless when you turned around and saw her. I mean a pack of Trojan's in one hand and spray whipped cream in the other… Not the picture of innocence, right? And what was with that 'it makes more sense to buy in bulk'-comment? You never think about saving money otherwise."

He keeps on laughing and she hits his arm in faked anger.

"Hey! I never said I am innocent! And I was just saving us another trip to the store later that evening."

She pouts, pushing out her lower lip, and he hugs her. "Well aren't you the smartest girlfriend on a fifty mile radius…" he says laughing but then he gets serious again. "But Brooke, we were always protecting ourselves. The drugstore could probably live off of the money we spent on condoms alone. And you had that patch, right?"

She nods. "Yeah, but Haley was on the patch too so I think we can rule that out as a non-working contraceptive… and anyways, I think I know when and where I got pregnant…"

Raising an eyebrow he looks at the girl in his arms and thinks. She blushes a little and he tucks a strand of her dark hair behind her ear.

"Was it at Rachel's cabin?" he asks before she has a chance to continue. He's guessing because that night had been one of the few times when they hadn't used a condom, and when she nods he's actually kind of relieved. That night had been amazing. He and Brooke had had such a hard time with their relationship after the shooting, but that night they had made love in front of the fireplace. And afterwards they had just laid there. Naked, tangled in each other and wrapped up in blankets, sipping red wine. And they had talked. Really talked for the first time in weeks. Come to think of it, that was the night he told her about the scar on his thumb.

Silently he counts the weeks backwards and realizes that she is probably right.

"I'm glad it was that night" he says and kisses her. "It feels good that our child was created when we were both happy. And out of love."

"Mm… it was a good night wasn't it…" Brooke looks up at him with a wicked smile. "I kept 'Brooking' myself to that memory all the time when you were away on that trip with your mom."

It takes a second before he gets it, but then they both burst out laughing and they keep laughing until his mom shouts that the dinner is ready half an hour later.

-----------------------------

"So how are you feeling now Brooke?" Karen asks motherly over the kitchen-table.

"I'm good now, I promise" she says smiling and puts some more pasta on her plate. "I just hope that I'm not intruding… I mean, you're pregnant too and I don't want to be in your way…"

Karen smiles and waves at her dismissingly. "Brooke. You are never in the way in this house. After having you living here last year I almost feel like you're my daughter. And I've been so worried about you lately that it feels good to have you under me watchful eye."

Lucas laughs. "Thanks mom. I'll take all help I can get with watching this one. She's a handful."

Brooke smiles too as Lucas and his mother engage in taking about pregnancies, bedrests and her over-all health, and she continuous eating. She enjoys sitting here in the cozy interior with Lucas and his mother. It feels natural. It's a little strange to be living in a real home again, but it's strange in a good way.  
Living with Rachel hasn't been that bad and they've had lost of fun as roommates, but sitting down like this, over a home-cooked meal with a caring grown-up, has happened much too rarely in her life. Tonight it feels especially good because it makes the situation with her parents a little less painful. If she only had a mother like Karen, who would just hug her once in a while… But she doesn't and she just has to play the cards that life dealt her, right?

In the corner of her eye she sees Lucas watching her lovingly and for fun she touches his thigh under the table, knowing how stressed it makes him when his mom's sitting there. He blushes as her hand trails further up his leg and she smiles.

"I should probably get used to sleeping on the couch again" she hears him say with an almost sad expression on his face. And Brooke is surprised to see Karen shaking her head on the other side of the table.

"What would be the use in that Lucas?" she says smiling. "Brooke is already pregnant, right? And as I understand it, not letting you two sleep in the same bed hasn't stopped you before. So you might as well both stay in your room. I mean, you need the practice on living together for later when you both have your own place at collage."

Lucas looks shocked but Brooke can't help but clap her hands in delight. "Thank you Karen! I hate sleeping alone. And thanks for making me dinner, this was soo good…"  
Finally the gods had turned something in her favor. She would get to snuggle up to Lucas every night, without having to sneak or worry about curfews.

But then there's a sound form Lucas' room and she recognizes it as her cellphone ringing. So much for the gods being up-eased, she thinks and tries to keep herself for sighing out loud. Lucas looks up.

"Isn't that your phone Brooke? Wait, I'll get it for you…"

He starts to get up but she shakes her head. "No Luke, don't bother. I'll just call back when we've finished dinner."

He sits back down again. She could have easily let him get it but there had been a special ring-tone so she already knew who it was calling, and she didn't want to talk to him. Her father had said enough during the few short minutes that they had talked earlier. The damage was already done and she actually doesn't care if she ever speaks to him again. But she makes sure that the smile is intact on her face, for Lucas sake and for Karen's. They were both doing so much for her right now and they didn't deserve being dragged into her problems.

Karen smiles at her before getting up to clear away the plates.

"If you're finished eating, then it's time for you to head back to bed Brooke. Lucas, help her get settled and then get back in here to do the dishes."

Lucas rolls his eyes but gets up. "You heard her Brooke," he says standing up. "Chop, chop…"

---------------

When Brooke is safely back in bed Lucas returns to his mother in the kitchen. She's standing by the stove putting away clean pots and pans and he gives her a hug from behind.

"Thanks mom" he says simply before plunging his hands down into the soapy water in the sink.

"For what son?"

He looks at her before shrugging with a smile. "For helping me when I'm completely lost. I've been concentrating on Brooke so much lately that I haven't even asked you how you're feeling about all this. Are you sure that you are okay with her staying her?"

"Absolutely Lucas. I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Good. But I meant what I said before about wanting to help you with your pregnancy as well. I can do both. You're carrying Keith's child and I want to do for that baby what Keith did for me…"

Karen puts down the pot she's holding and turns to face him. There is a proud smile on her face, proud but a little bit sad. "Lets sit down for a moment, I think we need to talk."  
He dries his hands and sits back down by the table. His mother runs her hand trough his hair.

"I know you feel like you're in some kind of emotional debt towards Keith, Lucas. But you're not. Keith never _had_ to help me with you, he wanted to. And having his child is so different from when I had you…" She strokes his hand on the table. "I was so young when I had you and I had no clue how to manage even the simplest things. But now I'm a grown woman, I have a wonderful son who is all grown and I know how to do this. I'm financially stable, I have friends and family and you don't have to worry about me…"

"But mom…"

"No Luke. You will be a great big brother when the day comes but you have your own child to worry about and I just want you to be the son that I raised and take care of those responsibility's with pride, okay? Concentrate on your girlfriend and your child to be, get Brooke to her doctor's appointments, make her feel safe and start preparing for your life together. That is the way to make Keith proud of you Lucas. By giving _your_ child what he gave you…"

He sighs, knowing that his mother is right. "Brooke's parents just found out that she's pregnant… and they're kind of upset with her. Her dad really screamed at her on the phone earlier…"

His mother looks surprised. "She hasn't told them until now?"

"No, I mean you know the relationship she has with them… I just wish she had them to rely on, like I have you."

Smiling she strokes his cheek. "I'm sure they'll come around. They must love Brooke even if they're bad at showing it. I can't really see how it would be possible not to love that girl. She's pretty amazing when she want's to."

"How come you're so wise mom?" he says and squeezes her hand before getting back to the dishes.

"Age and experience…" she answers laughing. "Or maybe just age."

---------------

Brooke wakes up as Lucas crawls into bed and she backs up against him so that their bodies melt together.

"Hey you…" he whispers and kisses her neck and she sighs with pleasure. "It's so nice to have you home Brooke."

She turns in his arms and kisses his lips before looking at him. He smells like soap and toothpaste. It feels good to have him next her. This blond boy who has her heart and who has fathered the child she's carrying. And she thinks that it's weird how the last month has changed their relationship so much, and yet so little. How he all of a sudden seems to be so grown up but she keeps pacing in the same spot. She remembers not so long ago when she still used to watch Lucas every time he wasn't looking at her and feel this big ball of insecurity in her chest, like when he went on that road-trip with his mom and she felt like shit everyday that he didn't call her. Or every time he and Peyton shared a discussion about something she knew nothing about. But lately the ball is fading into something so small that she's not even bothered by it anymore. Not even that last event with Peyton in Whitey's office had really gotten to her. And with trust-issues as big as the ones she's carrying around, making her trust him is not a small accomplishment on his part.

She closes her eyes for a moment. She has of course matured by all this as well but she can't seem to get past this one last childish thing; she still wants him to save her. And that's what makes her feel like standing still. She doesn't want to fall back into being that needy insecure girl she was when she first met him, and by having him fussing around her like he's been the last couple of days she's worried that she might. She wasn't supposed to need saving, by any guy. But tonight another man has made her feel small and insecure and she feels like she somehow needs Lucas for protection.

Over his shoulder she can see her cell phone lighting up but she has turned off the signal. It blinks for a while before going dark again and she sighs.

"Lucas can I ask you something…"

"Sure pretty girl. Anything…"

His arm is draped around her waist in the most natural way and she grazes her fingertips over the muscles of his upper arm. They feel hard and strong and however silly it is, it makes her feel safe.

"You're afraid of needles, right?" she whispers.

He smiles and nods. "You know I am…"

But her bottom lip starts trembling and she can see how his face turns worried.

"Then how come you don't seem the least bit intimidated by my father?"

-------------

* * *

That was chapter 14 of this story, and I bet you're all wondering when the hell it's going to pick up the pace… lol  
There are just so many loose ends to tie up that it's almost overwhelming. I do hope you'll stick with it though. I mean, sometimes the real OTH is somewhat slow as well. ;) 

Be good and review please. And have a great New Year.

/ **Lynn**


	15. Execution of all things

**Authors note: **Hey! I hope everybody had a great New Years Eve…

I seem to have a problem with this website right now and I'm not getting any private messages or story-alerts. So if any of you sent me private reviews, then I'm sad to say that they haven't reached me… But hopefully this will resolve itself soon.

I loved the reviews from last chapter and I'd like to send out special thank you's to B.Davis, Brucas3, bgrJourney05 and dalostlorelaigilmore. And a big thank you to eemah who promised to stick with this story to the end :)

This chapter is kind of long but I hope you'll read through it. It's titled after a song by Rilo Kiley.

**------------------**

**CHAPTER 15 – Execution Of All Things**

Brooke puts the spoon down into the empty ice-cream bowl. It smells like window-polish and fresh coffee from the kitchen and she happily constitutes that she no longer suffers from any morning-sickness. Less than two weeks ago these two smells blending together still would have made her instantly sick. Now she just finds the smells nice and reassuring. They remind her that she is living in a 'home' were people actually reside. Not just a big empty house…

Karen comes into the living room with the bottle of polish and a rag and Brooke looks up.

"Karen, what did Dan say when you told him that you were pregnant? If you don't mind me asking…"

Karen turns and smiles. "I don't mind at all Brooke." She dries her hands off on the rag. "Let me just get a cup of coffee…" She disappears for a moment before coming over to sit in the armchair across from her. It's Brooke's fifth day on bed rest. Five days spent mostly in horizontal position in front of the TV, but when Karen is home she makes her turn the attention to her schoolbooks instead, accept for the occasional chat in between Karen's work in the kitchen. Like now.

"What Dan said… Well it was a long time ago, but it kind of stuck to me… First he asked me if it was all a bad joke. Then he said that I didn't have to worry, he would pay for the abortion… His third sentence was actually; damn it, I don't even like children." Karen laughs. "I can find it funny now, remembering his facial expression, but then… I remember being really scared and my parents were very strict… so taking to them wasn't really an option."

Brooke smiles too now. "Lucas is happy to have you, I hope he understands that. Most moms wouldn't be as supporting as you are in this situation. He told me how well you took it when he told you…"

"Oh… thanks sweetheart. But then I guess he didn't tell you about my reaction last time he thought you were pregnant? No?…Well, I wasn't as supportive then. My sixteen year old son took me by surprise, in the middle of the night I might add, saying that he impregnated his even younger girlfriend and I slapped him right across the face… How's that for being the good and understanding mother?"

Brooke sees the guilt under Karen's warm smile and even though she is a little surprised, she just takes Karen's hand over the table. "Who wouldn't be shocked? I totally get your reaction. If I was my mom, then I would have spanked myself royally and then grounded me for months." She thinks for a moment. "You know, Lucas never told me you were angry with him back then. I was sure that I was the one you would be pissed at. This time too. I thought you would _hate_ me for sure…"

"I could never hate you Brooke. And I know that neither you nor Luke meant for this to happen. But now that it has, I want you to know that I'm looking forward to being a grandmother…"

"I'm glad to hear that…" A warmth that Brooke really can't explain fills her chest. It's something with the honesty in Karen's eyes.

"Was Lucas a good baby?" she asks, savoring the moment. She wants Karen to stay with her and just keep talking like this. Lucas is off doing something with the guys and this bonding-time with his mother is so important to her. Today she more or less kicked Lucas out of the house to get to spend the Saturday alone with Karen while she cleaned up the house. Not that Brooke can help, but just listening to the sounds of Karen scurrying about makes her feel calm. And it takes her mind of the cell phone that has kept vibrating, hidden in her duffel bag the last days. Karen leans back and sips her coffee.

"Yes, most of the time he was… It was hard the first year, being alone and having to run the café with an infant bouncing of the hip, but he was a good sleeper and mostly happy. And Keith was there to help me when it got too much."

Brooke smiles and shifts on the couch, squeezing one of the cushions in under her arm to make it more comfortable. She used to think that Karen found talking to her so annoying. Back when they first met when Lucas was unconscious she would always get so nervous around his mother. Blurt out stupid comments and babble on without end. Keith had been so much easier, she never had to think about how she acted around him, but Karen hadn't really taken to her right away. Brooke had tried very hard to gain Karen's friendship. But after living here with her last year everything had changed. Brooke had felt like she had a mother for the first time in years and they had spent countless hours in the kitchen, just talking over cups of coffee or hot cocoa. Karen smiles, probably lost in memories.

"I used to read to him every night, you know. Not the usual kids-books but English literature classics. Up until he was two, my voice was the only thing that could make him fall asleep."

"No wonder he ended up a little bit book-wormish…" Brooke says with a crocked smile and Karen laughs. Then there's a knock on the door and Karen gets up to open it.

"I'll be right back Brooke" she says with a smile. "Just keep resting."

And she does. She closes her eyes and leans her head back towards the couch, feeling the sugar-rush from the pint-sized bowl of butter-pecan ice-cream. That's why she doesn't notice the people coming into the room at first. Not until she recognizes the voice saying her name.

"Brooke."

It's her father.

----------------

Playing basketball at the River court always cleared his head and even though he's loosing big time Lucas feels mentally rested. His brother fakes left and goes right, neatly sidestepping him to take his shot. The ball goes straight through the hoop.

"I believe that's game point"

He sits down at the picnic table and downs big gulps from his water bottle. Nathan slumps down beside him, laughing at Skills and Fergie who are just finishing off their game of one-on-one on the other side of the court.

Lately he hasn't had that much time with the guys so shooting hoops the entire Saturday is exactly what he has needed, especially since he hadn't been to practice in the beginning of last week when Brooke was in the hospital. Whitey has of course been okay with it, especially now that he knows Brooke is pregnant, but the championship game is next week and he has to keep his shape up for that.

"Shit Nate, I'm beat…" he says as he leans back on the bench and Nathan smirks.

"Yeah Luke, and still you sucked… You ran like a girl today"

"Shh… don't say anything bad about girls" he hushes back smiling. "There could be pregnant women around, and you _know_ they have big ears so be careful…"

"Tell me about it. Haley freaks out whatever I do these days. Most of the times I don't even know what I've done wrong… This morning she didn't talk to me for two hours and then I finally tracked it down to being because I didn't wake her up in time to watch Dr Phil. I thought I was being considerate to let her sleep in while I was out running…"

Out on court Skills dunks for the last point and Fergie throws his hands out in frustration. "Ah… come on man! Skills looks over to the table. "Hey Luke, how about a game with the winner? First to ten?"

Still laughing about Haley Lucas shakes his head. "Naw Skills… I need to head back soon. I promised Brooke that I'd get her some more ice-cream."

Fergie walks over and pats his shoulder. "She's running you like that already? She's got you whipped Luke…"

Nathan smirks. "That's nothing new. Brooke's got him whipped from the get-go." Then turning back to Lucas he says "But I guess you're worse off then me big brother… I mean, Brooke's temper is bad even when she's not pregnant. I bet you have a handful at home with both her and your mom, right? Talk about a house full of hormones."

"Actually it's not that bad. And my mom is way worse than Brooke."

He understands the surprised look on Nathans face though. He himself has expected Brooke to throw temper-tantrums left and right (he still does) but so far she's been calm as a Sunday-morning. Since coming back home from the hospital, she's been nothing but sweet. (That is if you didn't count the argument about him calling her dad, but that had been his own fault.)

He knows she misses school, cheer-practice and her friends and still she hasn't complained of boredom once during the five days of bed rest. As long as he would just lie down and cuddle for an hour or so after he came back from school she seemed satisfied. He would settle into the bed or couch with her, her head propped against his chest, and he would tell her about his day before they sat down to have dinner with his mom. She, in turn, would ask him questions and tell him about things she'd seen on TV. All in all, it has been a calm and uneventful week, and after all the drama lately, he is grateful for it.

Brooke was actually the one who told him to get out of the house this morning and go do something for himself. She'd said that she thought he deserved it. He suddenly misses her and looks at his watch. If he left now then maybe he could convince her to take a nap with him before dinner.

"I'm out of here guys…" he says standing up and Nathan offers his hand.

"Alright. Talk to you later…"

---------------------

Brooke would recognize her father's voice anywhere and she looks up in disbelief. Her mother and father are standing in the doorway and Karen looks at them as if she doesn't know what to do.

"Dad…" Brooke says silently. "What are you doing here?"

She probably shouldn't be all too surprised with him showing up like this since she's avoided answering his calls for four days, and most parents would of course be worried by that. But for her dad to be worried it would require that he actually cared about her. And she isn't sure if he's ever done that.

It's not that her parents are bad people. They're not drunks or alcoholics or anything like that, and they don't really hate her, they just ignore her. They have for years. She's used to being ignored but there had been so many hard words coming from her father when she called him back five days ago, and those words had made the already big distance between them feel like the Grand Canyon.

Her father stops half way through the room and looks at her.

"You haven't returned any of our calls Brooke. I will have you know that this little trip will cost the company thousands of dollars in lost time… I'm really tired of you pulling stunts like this!"

Brooke sighs. "Stunts like this? …uhm… Do you mean stunts like getting pregnant, ending up in the hospital or not answering my phone after your last call when you called me a slut? Huh? Or wait, slut was the word mom used, right? You just came right out and called me a whore."

None of them step up to hug her. And they don't ask her how she is or how she's been.

She watches her mother in her designer clothes and perfect hair and make-up. She is beautiful, but standing next to Karen her mother almost looks plastic. She wishes that today would be different, that today was the day when Mary Davis would open her arms and pull her in to hold her, but sadly her mother shares nothing of the warmth that always surrounds Karen. Her eyes are empty and Brooke realizes that this must be what Lucas had meant that time when he was mad at her and said that her eyes had lost their shine. Scary thought. She never wants to look like her mother.  
Her father gives her a firm look.

"You watch your mouth, young girl!"

"We might as well go into the other room…" she sighs and gets up from the couch. "Karen, could you please call Luke and ask him to get back here?"

Karen nods and she walks off towards Lucas' room with her parents in trail. She doesn't want to have an argument in front of Karen, mostly because she doesn't want Karen to see the side of herself that always comes out when around her mother and father. Karen doesn't know her as the bitchy cold-hearted teenage slut. But that is how her parents see her, and they have no idea how much she's changed the last year and a half.

It hasn't always been this dysfunctional, she thinks. She remembers her parents as much more loving when she was a little kid. They had never been nominated to the parents-of-the-year award, but at least there had been some hugs and kisses then. Her dad would sometimes pick her up and spin her around until she screamed of joy and her mom would read her the occasional goodnight-story. It started to change when she started school and by the time she was nine or ten they were gone on trips most of the time, leaving her to be raised by numerous nannies.

"Will you be okay alone?" Karen asks and she nods and closes the door behind them after giving Karen one last look saying 'I'm sorry'. And her father starts as soon as the door clicks shut.

"Brooke! What the hell were you thinking?! You are seventeen years old and you haven't even finished high school! You are supposed to go to Yale in the fall… What am I going to tell the Dean now? That you just couldn't keep your legs crossed? How could you be so reckless?!"

His eyes are filled with the fierce and burning anger that she inherited from him, but her own eyes looking back at him are cold so far. She knows better then to let her emotions run amok. The only thing she can do to really get to him is to pretend to be emotionless.

"Answer me Brooke!" he ushers. "Is it really so hard for you to behave like a grown-up person for once?!"

His voice is already rising. She sits down on the chair by Lucas' desk.

"I'm eighteen, dad."

"What?"

She watches his confusion with a strange sense of amusement. It always throws him of to have the facts wrong.

"Maybe you missed the memo, but I did turn eighteen little over two months ago. I know you and mom didn't call, but I actually didn't think that you forgot. I just thought that you didn't have the time to pick up the phone…"

Her mom looks shocked, then a bit guilty and Brooke launches off a sarcastic smile towards the both of them. "But don't worry dad, I bought myself a nice gift at your expense."

Her father ignores the last comment and starts to pace around the room, back and forth with his arms crossed over his chest.

"How far along did you say you were? Three and a half months?" he spits at her before turning to his wife without waiting for the answer. "Damn it Mary, I told you that we shouldn't have left her here! She is supposed to be introduced in March…"

Brooke pulls her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them, following his pacing with her eyes. She wishes that it was Lucas arms that were wrapped around her. Closing her eyes for a second she pretends he's standing right next to her.

"I've told you and mom a hundred times that I'm not interested in being shown off at some lame social-elite's ball. And I'm not going to Yale. I've already applied to the fashion-program at UNC."

"Hell no! You'll come back with us to California, the baby will be put up for adoption and you can choose between pre-law or pre-med! End of discussion! This pregnancy is a huge mistake but I might be able to see to it that you can study the first semester from home. I am not letting you make a spectacle out of yourself!"

He's actually screaming at her now and even though the relationship between herself and her parents have been bad for years she's still taken aback by his anger. Anger is an emotion and emotions were never displayed by Charles Davis. He and her mother usually just left her alone. Letting her be the spoiled 'bored and ignored' daughter in peace for weeks at the time, until there was some party or work-related happening that required them to show of 'their beautiful little princess'.

"I'm not going anywhere with you…" she hisses. "I'm staying put here in Tree Hill."

Her father locks his eyes with hers in an effort to get her to back down, and the 'Charles and Brooke Davis-stare down' begins.

---------------------

After stopping at the store to get the ice-cream Lucas drives back to the house. He's probably driving way too fast but he's a bit late and there's hardly no traffic this late on a Saturday afternoon. He misses his girl and he laughs to himself as he realizes that he's speeding because he's experiencing a Brooke-craving. His pretty girl craves butter-pecan and he just craves her. It's weird since he sees her all the time nowadays.

There's a huge car parked next to Brooke's in the street but he doesn't think much of it as he walks up the driveway. Maybe Rachel's just stopped by for a bit. And as he walks into the house he's expecting to find Brooke on the couch in front of the TV as usual, but the living room is empty.

There's a weird feeling in the house, as if there is something important going on that he has missed. He walks towards the kitchen but his mom meets him halfway down the hallway and she points at the closed door to his room.

"Brooke's parents are here…" she says in a hushed voice. "I don't think that Brooke wanted to face them alone…"

"What?!" he mouths in shock. "When did they show up? Why didn't you call me?"

"They came maybe forty minutes ago and they've been in there ever since. And I did call you. Your phone's been turned off."

She looks worried and he whispers "Fuck…" when remembering that he had turned it off in the park to save the battery. He takes a deep breathe before turning the doorknob. "Okay, here goes nothing", he thinks.

As he opens the door he sees Brooke curled up in the chair by his desk, with her arms wrapped around her knees. Brooke's father is standing with his back leaning towards the backdoor and he looks at Lucas with a cold face. Her mother is standing on a safe distance from her only daughter, in the middle of the room. This is just the forth time he's seen Brooke's parents but still this seems to be their usual behavior. Being as far away from each other as they possibly can.

"We only want what's best for you Brooke" he hears the older woman say. "I'm still your mother you know…"

Brooke gets up with a fed up look. "Really? Are you sure about that, 'cause I sure haven't noticed that in the last few years." She looks like she can't decide whether to be angry or sad and she doesn't even seem to notice that he has entered the room. "I mean seriously mom, when was the last time you called to see what I was doing, or even to check if I was alive? If Lucas hadn't called dad, then you still probably wouldn't know about this."

"Then why didn't you tell us? We could have handled this discretely and no one would have needed to find out…"

Brooke doesn't look surprised.

"You mean by forcing me to have an abortion? That's just great mom! Do what you always do, shove money in my face and make me and my indiscretions go away, right? Isn't that how you always deal with things concerning me? Like when I was eleven and you found me completely wasted and sleeping it off on the lawn? You sent me to some high-prized cheer-camp for two months and then never talked about it again…"

Mrs. Davis looks down. "What was I supposed to do Brooke? You were _a bit_ young to drink…"

"Mom, you found me at ten o'clock in the morning!! I hadn't been home the _entire_ night! Maybe you should have asked me where I'd been, or even better, _why_? Hell, you really don't give a shit if I live or die, do you?!" Laughing coldly she continuous, "I still can't believe that you said that Peyton was being a bad influence on me… she and her dad was the closest thing I had to a fucking family when growing up! The only people who have been really bad role-models are the two of you!!"

Brooke's father jumps in with a raised voice that almost makes Lucas flinch. "Don't talk to your mother that way Brooke Penelope Davis! She has been worried out of her mind these last days."

He looks firm and he walks over and puts his arm around his wife. Lucas watches in disbelief. Either of Brooke's parents have obviously not yet tried to hug her or comfort her. They're not really acting worried, just angry and cold and he can't help but wonder from where in the world Brooke had inherited her beautiful heart and compassion. It sure didn't come from their gene-pool. Brooke is now standing alone in front of her united parents and she looks like a little girl.

"Just get it dad! This was _my_ decision to make! You say it's a mistake and maybe it is, but some things you have to learn all on your own, right? And you have certainly taught me that I can't rely on anybody else than myself…"

She seems close to tears and Lucas just wants to take her out of here. She is supposed to be resting in bed, not up arguing with her parents, and the stress of this encounter can't be good for her.

"Brooke…" he says quietly but he's interrupted by her father's harsh voice.

"Stay out of this, boy! I'm talking to my daughter!"

Finally Brooke seems to notice him and she walks over to Lucas, wrapping her arms around him, and he holds her tightly in a silly attempt to protect her.

"No dad! Lucas has a right to talk. You're the one that needs to shut up! We're having this baby and I'm sorry if you and mom doesn't approve. You can disown me, cut of my allowance or whatever you see fit, but this is how it's going to be; Me and Lucas are going to stay here with Karen until we go off to UNC. We're having a child together and I love him. Nothing you say or do will change any of this!"

Mr. Davis lets out a dry laugh. "How would you manage without the money we send you young lady? The amount you spend on shoes every month is higher then the usual rent-cost. Is _he_ going to uphold your precious lifestyle?"

He points at him with a cold look and Lucas meets his eyes without looking away. Brooke sighs tiredly.

"His name is Lucas. And no, he doesn't have to support me. I have grandma's trust fund and I actually make enough money to carry my own finances, thank you very much. Not that this is any of your business but your forgetting that I paid my own way last year when you declared bankruptcy and forgot that you had a child to support."

Finally Lucas notices a change in Brooke's mothers face. She been standing quietly beside her husband but now she looks sad and she pulls away from him and takes a hesitant step towards Brooke who's still cradled in his arms.

"Honey… we're not cutting off your money… and we're not angry, we're just worried. Right Charles?"

She looks up at her husband who's still portraying the same cold expression. "I'm a little shocked and maybe even a bit hurt that you didn't tell us… and you have to understand how it felt hearing from a boy I hardly know, that my daughter was pregnant and in the hospital…"

Brooke leans towards his chest and he can feel her quick pulse.

"Mom, the fact that you hardly know Lucas is not my fault. I've been in love with him for two years. But you never have time for anything concerning me in your schedule… I know I should have told you sooner but you were in freakin' Japan for god's sake! I couldn't even keep track of the time difference, and it's not like you called me either… Honestly, you called me ONCE in three months!"

Brooke's mother stops and Lucas can see her father looking down into the wooden floor.

"Brooke… you decided to stay in Tree Hill when we moved to California. You're eighteen and you wanted to take care of yourself. Your mother and I gave you everything you wanted. We never denied you anything…"

Finally Lucas feels Brooke start to sob into his t-shirt. He doesn't want her to be sad but holding the tears in must be even more painful and he holds her tighter to at least give her a sense of comfort.

"No?" she cries. "Not anything? …Then what about love dad? What about attention and guidance and rules? …What about hugs and kisses and coming to my cheer-competitions or ballet-performances? What about teaching me to ride a bike? Hell, you never even put a band-aid on my scraped knees!"

There are tears in her mothers eyes now and Mrs. Davis (Lucas can't even remember if he ever even heard her first name) reaches out towards Brooke.

"We love you Brooke… and we're sorry if you feel like we've neglected you. Your father and I were never really parent-material. But that doesn't mean we don't care…"

"But how am I supposed to know that mom? Huh? I've just gotten out of the hospital… I was actually injured mom! …And still, you and dad storm in here… and your only concern is the inconvenience of having a knocked up daughter?!"

She's crying so hard that it's hard to understand what she's saying but the concept is clear and Lucas can't take it anymore. He strokes Brooke over the hair as he firmly meets the eyes of her parents. And then he hears his own voice fill the room, which is really strange since he hasn't got a clue what he's going to say.

"Mr. and Mrs. Davis, I want you to listen…"

The out of body-experience from the hospital lingers over him again and as Brooke's father starts to interrupt he just puts up his free hand.

"No. I mean _really_ listen. Brooke is carrying my child. And whatever you say, this baby is _not_ a mistake. I love your daughter and it surprises me, no actually it makes me nauseous, that neither of you see what this argument is doing to her."

His hand goes into Brookes soft curls and he detangles them with slow, calming motions. "If you keep upsetting her like this, then there's a big chance that she'll end up back in the hospital and I won't let that happen! She's supposed to be in bed resting, trying to recover from a severe concussion, two broken ribs and almost miscarrying our child and if you don't change your attitude, then I'll have to ask you to leave my house. To leave it right now…"

The room stays silent for minutes, the only sound coming from Brookes sobs. Then her mother takes a small step. And then one more. She strokes Brooke's cheek softly, wiping away the tears that keep falling from her chin and onto his shirt.

"Brooke…" she says with a broken voice. "Please let me hold you… I'm so sorry honey…"

And surprisingly, this time Brooke lets go of him and steps into her mothers arms instead. It's hesitant, but still she does it, and for the first time Lucas witnesses some kind of affection within the Davis-family. As Brooke cries in her mothers arms even Charles Davis, the hardcore businessman, seems to crumble. Lucas is almost sure that he's going to walk over to Brooke as well but at the last moment he turns and just walks out through the backdoor. The sound of the door closing behind him causes both Brooke and her mother to look up but Mrs. Davis keeps stroking Brooke's back in calming circles.

"Don't cry doll-face…" she says "I'm proud of you Brookie… really proud. And if this is what you want to do, then okay…I _will_ support your decision."

Feeling like an intruder in this fragile moment Lucas walks backwards out into the hallway and closes the door behind him. His own mother is sitting by the table in the kitchen and she looks up as he steps in, the concern evident in her eyes.

"It sounded like they were having an argument in there. Is Brooke okay?"

He nods and pours some coffee for himself before sitting down. "Her dad left, but at least there seems to be a truce between her and her mom right now" he sighs. "A much needed truce for Brooke's sake… I'm just not sure how long it will last…"

--------------------

It's been an hour and he can still hear the low murmuring sound of Brooke and her mother talking in his room. He hopes that it's going well and that Brooke is at least sitting down.

When he looks out the window he can see her parent's car still parked in the street, and even in the darkness he can see Mr. Davis in the front seat smoking a cigarette.

Slowly he gets up from his chair and Karen looks up.

"I'm going out to talk to Brooke's dad" he says simply and she nods.

It's a little chilly and he pulls his hands up into the sleeves of his sweater as he walks across the lawn. And he knocks on the window on the passenger side. Charles Davis rolls it down with a push of a button.

"What do you want?" he says with a tired voice and Lucas points to the door.

"Can I get in?"

"Sure."

Lucas opens the door and climbs into the seat of the big black Lincoln Navigator. It smells new, even with the lingering cigarette smoke still in the air. Charles Davis just keeps looking out the windshield and Lucas clears his throat.

"Are you planning on leaving without saying anything else to Brooke?" he says, matching the dark-haired man's cold poise.

"What is left to say? You two _kids_ seem to have it all figured out" The voice is emotionless but he emphasizes the word kids with a slight disgust. As if he and Brooke were too young to understand anything.

"Maybe we do, maybe we don't… either way, it's no excuse for you to hurt her like this…"

He knows he is over-stepping boundaries but he can't just let Brooke's father do this to her. But Mr. Davis just smirks.

"Lucas, right?" he says with his eyebrow arched in the same way Brooke usually does it when feeling annoyed or bored. "I want to ask you, how well do you really know my daughter?"

Lucas is a little taken aback by the question. Frowning he answers; "I think I know her well enough" and when the man in front of him raises his eyebrow even more, he adds "actually I think I know her better than you do."

Now Mr. Davis laughs but it's not a happy sound.

"Oh, you do, do you? I hope you'll keep believing that when she moves on to something more fun. Or when you find out that the kid she's having turns out to be someone else's… But I can see why she has you wrapped around her perfectly manicured little finger. She's a full-fledged temptress, my daughter. Her mother taught her well…"

Lucas feels the anger grow inside him. Where the hell did the asshole come off saying something like that about his own flesh and blood? Dan, his own father, was the worst type of ass but Brooke's dad sure gave Dan Scott a run for his money.

"Don't talk about Brooke like that…" he hisses and unconsciously balls his fists.

"Don't get me wrong. I love my little girl. But she's not so little anymore, is she? She's been out of control for years, getting wasted, screwing every boy that looked her way and not doing anything else then spending hideous amounts of money. When she was a baby I thought she'd turn out differently but I should have known seeing that she looks the spitting image of my wife…"

Lucas just coughs in total disbelief and his pulse is racing. Turning towards Brooke's father he says;

"You honestly don't know your own daughter at all… She's NOTHING like you describe! Brooke is the most amazing girl I've ever met! She's kind-hearted, smart, ambitious and loving. She looks out for her friends and her loyalty is indescribable. Only in the last year she managed to become Student body President, start up a clothing-line, arrange a wedding for her best friends and win prize for her skills as a cheer-captain… and that's just the most obvious things that anyone can see… I won't even go into the things she's done for me and my family, since you probably wouldn't recognize a loving act if it crawled up your ass!"

He leans in closer to the man in the driver's seat and hisses;

"But one thing I WILL tell you is that if you ever come close to her again, I can't answer to what I will do to you, you hear?!"

Scared that he will punch Brooke's father right in the face, he swings the door open and gets out of the car only to hear him reply;

"You don't scare me little boy"

And he turns.

"You should be scared… I'll have you know that there isn't anything that I wouldn't do to keep Brooke safe!"

Mr. Davis starts to get out of the car as well but then Lucas hears a voice behind him.

"I second that. Get the hell out of here Charles. I think we've had enough of your over-inflated ego for today…"

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**Author's note:** The technical issues makes it hard for me to keep up with reviewng my favorite stories. Wishinonastar, I just noticed that you've updated Red Light Until Sunset. I gonna go read that right away! ;)

Please review this chapter, good or bad.

/Lynn


	16. Where Does The Good Go

**Authors note:** The alerts are finally starting to work at least close to normally. (YEY!)  
And I have to start by giving out some thanks.

McNaughty, Dolcegrazia, TrueLoveDoesNotAlter, Becki,dalostloraliegilmore and goober396: Thanks so much for the great reviews you guys! I really appreciate them.  
Jeytonbrucasnaley: I'm so glad that you like the Laley in chapter 14. It was my first Laley-moment so I didn't know if I would make them justice. :)  
Typokween, Brucas3, B.Davis and eemah: I'm happy that you like my decision to make Brooke's mother the nicer one of the parents. Even though we can agree that none of Brooke's parents will be the loving grown-up she needs.  
Cyn: Glad you like the Lucas-character and I'll be sure to explore the Dan-thing.  
Daneel: Thanks! And I'm waiting to read a story of yours. I'll bet you're just as good. ;)  
Wishinonastar: Hey you little Sherlock H… ;) Lucas kind of was a little heroish… wasn't he?  
Brucas46Forever: That was some review dude! I really see what you mean and it's exactly those little 'clues' that I've been looking for… like when her parents doesn't let her live with Peyton because of the lack of parental supervision. Anyways, I loved it! More long reviews like that one. Lol  
Photoboothromance: Seriously? I didn't know that. Hopefully he's a nicer person. :)  
Soundinmymouth3: Don't die please. LoL. I promise to update 'Gamble Everything For Love' before Friday.  
And last, pOoLbEeRtAtToOs: Hey loser! LOL Those personal reviews for chap 14 & 15 were amazing!!!! And so long! I'm so glad that you like how I write Brooke and Lucas together. The Brachel will keep coming (cause I just love them together) and I'll keep throwing in bits of Peyton.

Thanks ya'll!!!! This chapter is mostly thoughts from Lucas and Brooke and it's not as long as usual... The chapter-title is after a song by Tegan & Sara

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* * *

**CHAPTER 16 – Where Does The Good Go**

Lucas watches Brooke sleep in the semi-darkness of his bedroom. He sits on her bedside and holds her hand, her fingers still laced together with his. She looks relaxed and peaceful now but he knows that in a stronger light the signs of crying for hours would be evident. Her eyes are still puffy and her cheeks red from all the tears. "But at least she's finally sleeping…" he thinks. As for himself, it feels like he hasn't slept in months.

The bright digits on the alarm-clock tells him that it's not that late. Only a little after ten. And even though he wants to crawl into bed with her, he kisses her cheek before loosening her fingers grip and stands up. The bed squeeks a little and for a second he thinks that she'll wake up, but she just sighs softly and turns to find a new sleeping-position. She looks so innocent. Walking out into the hallway he leaves the door a little ajar so that a small shiver of light finds its way into the room. He does it almost unconsciously. Brooke hates the darkness.

His socked feet is silent on the wooden floor and when he steps into the kitchen none of the two women sitting by the table notices him. They're talking silently, each nursing a cup of coffee, and at first he stands in the doorway and just listens to the conversation. Not eavesdropping really, more feeling the moment. He's curious to hear if there's anything the two women have in common.

"This is probably weird for my mother" he thinks. "She dislikes Brooke's parents almost as much as I do..."

He wonders how old Brooke's mother is. Probably a little over forty but she doesn't look a day older than thirty-five. He clears his throat to draw attention to himself. His mother is the first to look up and she smiles and stretches out a hand towards him.

"Luke… come sit down. Is Brooke asleep?"

"Yeah… finally…"

"It's been a long day for all us… especially for Brooke. Do you want some coffee?"

He shakes his head but pulls up a chair, secretly steeling glances of Brooke's mother who now looks up as well. Mary Davis. He knows her first name now. And even though she still seems stiff to him he tries to see her in a new light, giving her the benefit of a doubt. She had never the less tried to stand up for her daughter and that should serve her some credit.

_Lucas hears a voice behind him._

"_I second that. Get the hell out of here Charles. I think we've had enough of your over-inflated ego for today…"_

_He turns and sees Brooke's mother standing just a few feet away. Further back, up on the doorstep, he sees his girlfriend with her arms wrapped around herself in the chilly evening-air. His mom is beside her and he's grateful for that but he doesn't want Brooke to be anywhere near her father._

_Charles Davis stops dead in his tracks, looking puzzled, and Lucas figures that this, being told off by his wife, was something the man disliked immensely._

"_Mary…" Mr. Davis says coldly while frowning. "What did you just say?"_

"_Go back to the hotel. The boy is right; your priority should be keeping Brooke safe, not picking fights with someone less than half your age."_

_By now the frown on the older man's face deepens. "So what are you saying? We should just let the little slut run amok here in Tree Hill, embarrassing her self?"_

_Lucas' fists tighten again by the sound of his words but Mary Davis steps in between them._

"_That's ENOUGH! You have to stop blaming Brooke for something I did!"   
She's yelling and Mr. Davis' eyes darken. But she stands her ground. "Go Charles… just leave. We'll talk about this at the Hilton later."_

_Lucas can see Mr. Davis eyes travel over to rest on Brooke for a second and then, after looking at his wife a while longer, Charles Davis gets into the big black Navigator._

"_You'll regret this" he says before he closes the door and drives off._

Lucas is still not sure to whom that last sentence had been directed. He just has to wonder if there was ever something good in that man. If there was, then Maybe Mr. Davis had even been talking to himself. And looking at Mary Davis he can't say that he is surprised of the woman's sudden strength. She looked like an older version of his girlfriend, minus the dimples, and Brooke had shown him examples of her tough exterior many times. It's just that Mrs. Davis doesn't seem to share any of Brooke's compassion and heart and he's just curious to know what it was that suddenly made her decide to step up to the plate. According to what he had seen in his room earlier, Mrs. Davis allowed her husband to do most of the talking.

"Thanks for taking care of my daughter…" she suddenly says looking at him and a little softness sneaks into the hazel colored eyes. "Karen has told me about Brooke's hospital-stay and how you've been caring for her since then."

He shrugs. "She has done the same for me. And as I said before, I love Brooke… so it wasn't really that big of a sacrifice. I need to be around her…"

In the corner of his eye he sees his mom smile and he turns towards her.

"I've talked to Mary" she says and strokes his arm. "…and Brooke stays here until you two get a place of your own. We both agreed that she's been through enough stress lately."

And he defiantly agrees with the last part. Just a little while earlier, when comforting the crying and tired Brooke in his room, he had questioned what the hell she could have done to deserve the last couple of weeks. Or Months.

"But what about Mr. Davis?"

Brooke's mother sighs. "I'm going to try and talk to him."

Not having to worry about facing her father again any time soon would at least take some of the weight off Brooke's shoulders and maybe everything could finally calm down a little. At least enough to let Brooke get back to health completely and maybe even enough to let them have some time to enjoy being back together.

"Good" he just answers simply, feeling his eyelids growing heavier by the minute and Mrs. Davis finally smiles towards him.

"Your mother and I will sort out the rest… and hopefully you and Brooke can come visit us when the baby is here and her father has calmed down a little... he isn't as bad as he seemed tonight."

When she smiles the resemblance with Brooke gets even more evident. "It was a pleasure to see you again Lucas" she says and extends her hand. "But I can see that you're tired now. Go back to my daughter…"

He takes the hand and finds himself unconsciously smile back. Yet he'll be happy tomorrow when he wakes up to a house without any of Brooke's parents.

----------------------

Brooke awakes by the sound of her own voice. It's not a scream really, more just a loud noise that escapes her lips, and she realizes that she's sitting up in bed. Her heart pounds hard and fast inside her chest and the t-shirt she wore to bed is now damp with sweat.

"What's wrong baby?"

Lucas must have woken up by the sound as well and he strokes her back.

"Just a bad dream…" she whispers, embarrassed to have woken him up. He feels her t-shirt looking worried.

"Are you okay Brooke? You're soaked."

She nods silently and pulls the sticky material over her head, feeling his lips kiss her naked shoulder softly before he pulls her close to him. His strong arms around her instantly give her back the safeness she needs and the nightmare slowly starts to fade.

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

His voice is sleepy but the sound of it so close to her ear reassures her, his breath on her neck calms her speeding heart. She sighs.

"I'm scared Luke…" she whispers. "I keep dreaming that I'll lose the baby… and tonight dad was there… and he laughed at me… he said it was my own fault…"

His grip around her tightens and his body forms itself after hers so that she's all curled up in his arms. "Brooke… nothing will happen to our child. Nothing…" The sleepy voice is like music in her ears, almost like if he's singing her to sleep. "And you won't have to see you father again for months… I promise you that…"

"But what if he's right Luke. What if I'm just embarrassing myself… Maybe I'm not cut out to be a mom. Haley is the motherly type… I'm just a cheer-slut with a bad attitude… You heard what he said about me…"

A fear even greater than the one lingering from the bad dream grabs a hold of her. What if Lucas started listening to what her father had said? What if he already thought of her as stupid, slutty and immature… She knows that he did in the beginning.

"Shh…" Lucas hushes her and turns her around so she forced to look at him. It's dark but the moonlight still allows her to see his features clearly. And even though there's not enough light to actually see his eyecolor, she still feels his blue eyes piercing into hers.

"I love you…" he whispers as if it would be the final answer to all of the universe's questions. "You're the only girl that I could ever imagine to be the mother of my child."

He kisses her softly. "If this is about you coming back to school on monday, then relax. If you don't feel ready, you don't have to go…"

She kisses him back and forces herself to calm down. Reassures herself that the anxiety she's feeling is just the aftermath of the nightmare and the last week's crazyness. She shouldn't worry, right? Tomorrow is Sunday and she and Lucas could spend the entire day in bed together, just talking. And Lucas would probably let her rant on and on about the ordeal with her parents, he's good like that nowadays. But on the other hand, when waking up tomorrow she wont act this insecure. She'll feel much better in the daylight.

She knows that her mom has left already and even tough it disappoints her a little that she didn't say goodbye, it would have been weird if she had stayed. The last years distance between herself and her mother couldn't be built up by just one talk. But in a strange way she still feels like her mother is on her side now. At least more than before.

_Brooke is sitting on the bed and her mother is sitting in front of her. The tears have dried and they're actually having something that resembles of a real mother and daughter conversation. It isn't like talking to Karen, Brooke thinks, but it's better than nothing. And this was probably the longest talk they ever shared. _

"_Your father didn't mean all those things he said Brookie… He's just not himself right now… he's angry with me more than with you..."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because we're having some problems. And he blames me for most of it. But you shouldn't worry. I'll talk to him and he'll calm down, you'll see…"_

_Her mother fiddles with the bedspread and Brooke can't help but to think that her mother suddenly wants to be somewhere else. So she changes the subject._

"_I don't want to go back with you mom…" she says silently. "I just want to stay here."_

"_I know Brooke… I'll talk to Ms. Roe and we'll figure something out. But I'm sad that it has come to this… When you chose to stay here earlier this year I thought it was just a phase." She smiles. "Maybe it's better this way though…"_

_Sudden loud voices from outside causes them both to look up and through the window Brooke sees Lucas and her father by her parents' car. Her mother stands up and to Brooke surprise she walks out through Lucas's backdoor and steps in between the to men out on the lawn._

Sleep is slowly coming back in over her. Lucas' breathing is getting slower as well and she knows he will soon be back in dreamland. Monday is approaching and she's finally getting of bed-rest. At least if the doctor clears her at the appointment Monday morning. She will get to go with him to school and get to hang out with Haley and Rachel and the others. To have some good and normal things back…

"I love you too…" she whispers and closes her eyes. "Thanks for being so amazing."

He mumbles something back. He _is _amazing, and lying here with him feels safe and good. But still she can't kick the feeling that the craziness isn't over in some way. She turns again in his arms and then intertwines her fingers with his before moving the hands up to rest over her belly.

"But what more could there be?" she thinks. "After all that has happened lately, don't they deserve some peace and quiet?"

* * *

Sunday morning arrives with grey skies and it's the thumping sound of raindrops on the roof that wakes Lucas up. He smiles and stretches his arms up over his head. The sound reminds him of their baby's heartbeat. 

Brooke is not beside him in bed but he can hear her laughter from the livingroom accompanied with the sound from the TV. "Friends re-run on channel 5", he thinks and flops his feet down on the floor, "then it can't be later than 11 am".

Brooke's phone vibrates on the nightstand and he leans over and checks the caller-id. It's Rachel. He picks it up.

"Hi Rach…"

"You know you shouldn't answer your girlfriend's phone, right? That could lose you bed-privileges with that brunette girl of yours…"

He laughs. "As of now I don't have any anyway, doctors orders… And you're lucky I _did_ answer since she's busy with Ross, Joey and Chandler. Do you want to talk to her?"

"Not really. Just tell her that I'll come by later to pick her up."

Rachel's voice has that bored and nonchalant tone but he knows her well enough by now to ignore it. He knows it's just an act. Although he does wonder what she's getting at. Brooke is still on bed-rest and he has hoped to just hang around the house with her today and check up on how she is coping after the fight with her dad.

"Why? Where are you going?" he asks suspiciously.

"Just down to the mall. There's this huge sale so I'm taking Brooke to get some new clothes. That baby-fat is seriously starting to get the best of her…"

"I don't know Rachel…"

She lets out an annoyed sigh on the other end. "Come on Luke! You're not her father. You _know_ she needs to get out of the house…"

No, he's definitely not Brooke's father. Which is a good thing seeing that the man is a complete ass. And thinking that his girlfriend probably needs herself a little 'pick-her-up' after the confrontation with him, he gives in to Rachel.

"Okay… If she feels alright. But not more than an hour."

Rachel laughs. "Broody? Isn't that what she calls you? Well, _Broody_… If you're that worried then come with us. We'll need someone to carry the bags. …Anyways, tell her I'll be there at one."

"Whatever" he says smiling and hangs up.

He pulls on a pair of sweatpants but doesn't bother to find a t-shirt. Then he walks out to find Brooke with her phone still in his hand. And just as he thought she's curled up on the couch with the biggest bowl of cheerios he's ever seen.

"Good morning beautiful…" he says softly and slumps over the back of the couch so that his head is close to hers.

"Morning boyfriend"

She reaches out for him but her eyes don't leave the television-screen. And when he leans in to kiss her she suddenly laughs out loud.

"I just LOVE Chandler!" she exclaims and shoves a spoonful of the milk-drenched cereal into his still halfopen surprised mouth. "Here baby, have some breakfast…"

He chews the sugary pieces and ruffles her hair, then watches her, taking in her whole appearance. Her hair is tied back in a messy ponytail, her face flushed a spectacular shade of rose.  
Every night before falling asleep beside her he thinks that he couldn't possibly love her any more than right then, and still, next morning when he wakes up he finds himself a little more in love with his girlfriend.

"Rachel's coming to pick you up later to take you to the mall… That is if you feel up to it…"

This finally gets Brooke to tear her eyes away from her 'Friends' and she gets a wide-eyed look. "Really? I can go? And you're coming with us, right?" She claps her hands in excitement and the change from her scared face last night makes him happy.

And then she pulls him down next to her on the couch. Brooke's contagious enthusiasm is so hard to resist and he has to laugh as she kisses him all over his still naked upper body.

"Oh Luke, come on…" she says, smiling flirtatiously and once again he gives in. And he thinks that she must probably know what kind of power she holds over him, since she keeps manipulating him like the true expert.

"Sure pretty girl" he laughs "but remind me I have to get better with telling girls 'no'."

Her lips find his in a deep kiss and he pulls her closer. "You wanna take a bath with me before we go?" she asks with a husky voice and he picks her up, thinking that the doctor better have good news for them tomorrow because this bed-rest-celibacy is driving him completely crazy.

As he carries her into the bathroom, the forgotten phone rings on the couch. Brooke looks back but he keeps going.

"Forget it" he says. "Who ever that is, they'll have to call back. You're mine for the next hour…"

It couldn't be her parents since they are sitting on an airplane somewere halfway back to California and it could hardly be anymore shocking news.  
However, he doesn't know how wrong he is.

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How was that? Please tell me because i'd love to hear your honest opinion. And before you shop my head of for writing a chapter that's completely missing an actual intrigue, please remember what i told you before about 'fillers'... ;) 

/Lynn


	17. Back For The First Time

**Author's note:** Great reviews as always!!! I loved them all! And I'm so glad to see that I had some new reviewers too.

Special thanks to B.Davis, wishinonastar, soundinmymouth3, chad'sheart13, mnm808, othrox, brucas3, jeytonbrucasnaley, TrueLoveDoesNotAlter, Broody-N-Cheery-Forever, Eemah, jr forever and goober396 for always staying so loyal to this story even though I've sucked big time in updating this the last two weeks.

That's also why I thought you all Brucas-fans deserved some calm and niceness for our favorite couple before I suck you all into the drama again, and since this chapter became well over 9000 words, I decided to split it in two… I hope you'll all enjoy.

This chapter goes out to pOoLbEeRtAtToOs for being the best reviewer you could ever wish for and finally making me update. It's titled after a song by Christian Waltz

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**CHAPTER 17 – Back For The First Time**

The mall is crowded and most people would probably just want to get away from the masses that roams the aisles, but Brooke can't help but smile when walking between the different shops. If shopping was like breathing then she had definitely been deprived of air for far too long. And things couldn't get any better right now. Rachel is on one side of her, talking non-stop about the latest gossip and Lucas is on her other side, his arm loosely draped around her shoulders.

"You know what guys?" she says interrupting Rachel's stream of words. "I love this… maybe it sounds strange but hey… It's the little things, right?"

Lucas, who carries several bags in his other hand, smiles down at her and presses a kiss on her forehead while nodding. "Yeah. But you're okay, right? You're not tired or aching or anything?"

"No Luke, I'm fine. I'm just so happy to be out of the house. No offense but being inside your house for a week kind of drove me insane…"

Rachel giggles. "Of course it did. You're used to living with me now, and I think we can agree that that comes with a little more daily excitement than watching Karen cook or clean…" She nudges Brooke playfully in the side before she continues.

"So _mommy_… what do you say we go look at some clothes for you that actually fits? I mean, tight jeans are good and all but _that_…"

She points down towards Brooke's waistline and Brooke totally understands where her former roommate is coming from.

"Shut up Rach!" she says blushing. "I don't know what happened, okay? Suddenly nothing fits me… I mean, before the hospital-stay I could use most of my clothes and now all of a sudden everything's too tight. You should have seen Lucas' look when he saw me naked this morning. It was pure and utter shock, I promise!"

"Hey! It wasn't! I was just a little surprised… It's been a while since I was allowed to roam my hands all over you, you know…"

He looks a little guilty and Brooke laughs, knowing that he probably thinks of what to say right now without putting his foot in his mouth again. And he hadn't really been shocked, it was more herself that had been insecure. Now, when she has had the time to calm down, this morning was kind of sweet.

_The water was already running to fill the tub and leaning towards the sink she kissed Lucas with desire. He was a little hesitant, but since the accident that really was nothing new, and she felt like enough time had passed. So before he could start worrying she pulled his big t-shirt over her head, the one she had found on the floor this morning, and took a step back to get out of her sweatpants. Looking back up to kiss him again she saw his face. He was watching her body, now naked if one didn't count her panties, and his eyes were wide._

"_Look at you…" he whispered and stroked her belly with his fingertips._

"_What?" she said softly, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed. This wasn't his usual 'you're so sexy'-look. Instead he looked kind of surprised. _

"_You're… I mean, you're getting… kind of… 'round'…" _

"_Round? What? Are you saying that I look fat?!"_

_Lucas shook his head quickly but she could already hear her voice going up at the end of the sentence with an irritated pitch. Not giving him any time to answer she picked up his t-shirt again and started to put it back on._

"_I'm supposed to be 'round'! For your information I AM pregnant, with your god damn baby if I might add! And if you don't like how I look then maybe you should get out now because it's only going to get worse you know!"_

_He looked remorseful. "But Brooke, I didn't say that… You look completely beautiful! It's just that I really haven't seen you naked the last two weeks and…" _

_She shook her head and waved her hand to shut him up. "This is just great Luke! I did that for YOU so that you wouldn't feel like I teased you!! And now… You knocked me up and now you call me fat!?" _

_Tears were burning in her eyes and in the back of her head she knew that she overreacted but there had just been so much raw emotion yesterday and she needed an out-let. Needed him to somehow reassure her that he would be there no matter what. And when the first tear spilled over on her cheek, Lucas just pulled her to him._

"_Baby, listen. I. Love. You. Okay?" He grabbed the hem of the t-shirt and pulled it off her for the second time. "This…" he continued and put his hand over the lower part of her belly, on the now showing little bulge, "…is the most beautiful 'fatness' I've ever seen. I've been longing for this you know… to get to see my baby grow inside of you…"_

_He squatted in front of her and pressed his lips softly against her belly's soft skin. "it hasn't even been four months Brooke and 'this' is nothing... Whatever you think, I can't wait until you get really 'fat'…"_

_She closed her eyes and felt herself calm down as he kept kissing her skin. And she had to force herself to still sound a little angry as she said;_

"_Whatever Broody. I know you're lying if you say that you're looking forward to me being all fat and ugly. And what the hell am I going to wear, huh?"_

_He chuckled and stood up again. "I'll think of something Pretty girl, okay? Now, just get into the tub…"_

She had thrown a second fit when Rachel came over a little while later and she hadn't been able to close her jeans. But Lucas had once again calmed her down and Rachel had come up with some creative idea including a rubber-band between the button and the button-hole. Now she was wearing one of the maternity-tops that she had originally made for Haley to cover up the invention, and still the trousers were uncomfortably tight around her belly.

"I've been covered up in loose PJ's most of the week to try and make this easier on both of us", she says and rolls her eyes towards Rachel who gives her an understanding look saying 'boys are so easily teased'. And Lucas blushes some more.

"Well, if you two are going to be discussing our non-existent lovelife, then I'm going down to the sports-outlet…"

He leans in for a kiss and Brooke meets his lips softly halfway. "Meet me at the food-court in twenty minutes?" he asks before rolling his eyes at Rachel's smirk and Brooke nods.

"Sure boyfriend."

After watching him take off she turns back to Rachel who's actually laughing out loud.

"God Brooke! Lucas is so whipped that it's actually embarrassing. How long has it been since you slept with him? Two weeks?"

Brooke laughs too and slaps Rachel across the arm. "Eleven days if you please! And it's not like I don't want to. But it's all going to change tomorrow. The poor boy won't know what happened to him once I'm done, believe me!" Giggling she puts a hand over her belly. "But back to the subject. I'm serious, I don't know when I started growing like this…"

"Come on Brooke, I was just kidding! It's not that bad. Compared to Haley you still look like a slim-fast model, okay? It's hardly more then a little bulge."

Brooke quirks an eyebrow. "Really? However happy I am to hear you say that, I need to get some really sexy lingerie and get this seducing of Lucas over with before I start looking like the heffa-lump."

She grabs Rachel's hand and pulls her into the nearest store, which happens to be Victoria's Secret. They start locking through the different racks and Brooke laughs. "So far, at least it's just my belly that's growing and I've always pictured myself being all thin and gorgeous with a basketball-like belly when pregnant."

Rachel rolls her eyes and picks out some stuff for herself as well.

"Don't get too cocky there Brooke. You know that this is just the beginning, right? You still have more than five months to get all fat and ugly."

Brooke pouts. "I know… but one can always dream." She holds up a bra in front of her. "But this is the reason to why I'm going to buy some extremely naughty lingerie. I'm probably going to need it to get Lucas to sleep with me" she continues while looking through some black lacy underwear on a rack. "He's proving to be a little over-protective…"

"He is, isn't he! I almost had to kidnap you to get him to let you come here!"

"Yeah, just a smidge… but it's kind of cute if you think about it. Now, let's shop!"

---------------------------

Lucas strolls down towards the food-court. He's still carrying all of Brooke's shoppingbags and he's smiling. He knows that he should probably pull the plug on her way of spending money soon. They need as much saved up as possible for the baby and for rent at collage, but he doesn't even have a job yet and it is her money. And she has earned this. He has actually even picked up a few things for her himself the latest half hour to make up for his faux pas this morning.

Of course he didn't mean it in a bad way when he said that she was 'round'. He just forgets sometimes how self-conscious his girlfriend can be.

His phone buzzes in his pocket and he picks it up seeing that it's Haley's number on the display.

"Hi Hales."

"Hey Luke. Where are you guys? Nathan and I just drove by your house to see Brooke, but you're obviously not home… Is she okay?"

"She's alright. She was a little shook-up yesterday, after her parents surprise-visit, but today she's good."

Haley sighs. "Yeah she called me and told me about it this morning when you slept. Her father is an ass… I'm glad she's feeling better though."

"Yeah I think she's more than fine actually… I can see her throwing money around her in the Donna Karan-store right now. We're at the mall by the way."

"I got that stupid! We'll head over there too and then maybe we could all have lunch or something… It's been a while since we all hung out."

He sticks the phone between his chin and shoulder and watches Brooke through the glass-window of the store. "Sounds nice Haley, but I should probably tell you that we're here with Rachel."

Laughing, Haley says; "It's okay… I mean, I don't have to befriend her or anything. But she has been a real friend to Brooke lately, I have to give her that. So there has to be some good in the girl right?"

Lucas nods even though Haley can't see him.

"…She actually came up to me last Friday and asked me if I could tutor her…"

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, and normally I would have asked her to go screw herself but… well, for Brooke's sake… Brooke wants me to be nice to her."

"That's nice of you Hales."

"Don't sweat. It was Nathan who talked me into it really. After the accident he has sort of had a soft spot for everything 'Brooke'…" She giggles. "But it won't be easy for her though. These pregnancy-hormones are making my tolerance level below zero."

He laughs. "Tell me about it! Brooke almost killed me this morning when I said she was becoming a little 'roundish'."

Haley just gasps into the receiver. "You called Brooke FAT!?! Oh my god Lucas Eugene Scott! You should be glad that she didn't break up with you!"

"I didn't call her fat! I just stated that her belly was getting rounder… Jeez!" He can hear Nathan laughing in the background and he reminds himself to hit Nathan when he sees him. "Just meet us at the Food-court, okay Hales?"

Hanging up he rolls his eyes. "Girls…"

------------

Nathan pulls the shift into park and laughs as he watches Haley get out of the car. She's just about four and a half months along in her pregnancy but she has already picked up this funny waddling kind of walk.

"Do you _have_ to walk like a duck, honey?" he asks and chuckles as he locks the door with the button on the car-key. She shoots him an ice cold look.

"You do know that you're walking a dangerous road there, don't you husband?"

"What?" he asks innocently, but he has some trouble keeping a straight face. Haley just ignores him and walks towards the elevators that will take them up inside the mall.

"Haley…" he begs, "…it's cute. It's just that it's a little early for waddling, right? I mean Brooke doesn't do it and you're just three weeks further along than she is…"

When she turns to look at him he already knows that he should have kept his mouth closed.

"Well, I'm not as _perfect_ as Brooke, am I?" she scoffs, and Nathan realizes that this is going to be a really long day.

------------

"Pass me the ketchup will you, _sweetheart_?" Haley says with an icy tone in her voice and Brooke laughs at Nathan who's rolling his eyes.

"What did you do Nate? Your wife doesn't seem very pleased…"

He shrugs and hands Haley the bottle before shoving some French fries into his mouth. He chews a couple of times and then says; "I'm not saying anything more today. It seems like whatever I say it just comes out wrong…"

They are halfway through lunch and taken aside the fact that Nathan has been unusually quiet, Brooke loves to hang out with all of them. Even with the added strangeness of having Haley and Rachel at the same table.

Lucas is doing a splendid job though, her boyfriend is always handy to have around in awkward situations, and he navigates the sharp reefs of forbidden topics like a true sailor.

She leans over and pulls him in for a kiss before flashing her dimples at him.

"Could you get me an ice-cream sundae with marshmallows baby?" she says with her most sugary voice. "I might as well indulge since I'm getting _fat_ and all…"

Nathan looks up from his now empty plate. "What do you mean B? You're not fat. You look gorgeous!" And Lucas throws out his hands in frustration. "Hey, that's what I've been trying to tell her!"

For a second Brooke wallows in the appreciative looks she's getting from both of the brothers, but then she sees Haley's face and she forces her own facial expression into a more serious one. She knows that Haley has been a little self-conscious of her weight lately and Haley _had_ gained quite a lot. But she was still as beautiful and Brooke wished she could see that.

"I have nothing on Tutor-girl…" she says honestly. "Hales, you're practically glowing, right Rachel?"

And for once the redhead actually does the right thing.

"Yeah, Brooke's right. You really look beautiful."

Haley looks at Rachel as if she is trying to decide whether or not she's making fun of her. But to Brooke's surprise Rachel sticks to her comment and even ads on. "Haley, seriously… Your husband turned _me_ down in favor of you. That can only mean that you're freakin' stunning! Just take my word for it…"

A small smile forms on Haley's face and the awkward moment passes. Reassured that everything is once again fine around the table, Brooke gets up and Lucas gets on his feet in seconds.

"What Brooke? Are you alright?"

"Yes!" she laughs. "Down boy! Just sit down and relax why don't you? I just have to go to the ladies-room… Haley, you want to come with?"

Haley laughs and gets up too. "Sure. My bladder is the size of a pea nowadays."

Brooke gives Rachel a questioning look but the redhead shakes her head no. "I'll just stay here and keep an eye on the boys" she smirks and Haley sighs;

"In some not so strange way that comment actually just makes me more worried…"

-----------------------------------

They finally make it back home and Lucas realizes that the 'hour' he had given Brooke at the mall had turned into the whole day. It's fine though, he thinks as he hears Brooke and his mother laughing in the kitchen. Today has been such a good day. If he didn't count the on and off weirdness between Haley and Rachel it had all been pretty much perfect.

He opens the door to their now filled to the brim closet to put all the stuff they bought in there. It's a complete mess with his and Brooke's clothes squeezed inside and he doesn't even want to think about how their closet would look ones they got a place of their own. Brooke's clothes in here were just a small part of her huge selection of jeans, skirts and tops. The rest was still stashed in boxes at Rachel's house. And he doesn't even want to think about all her shoes…

As he moves the bags with the clothes she still hadn't hung, to make room for the bags of baby-clothing, his eyes fall on a shoe-box hidden in the corner. It looks familiar and he reaches in and picks it up. On the lid someone has pasted one of Peyton's drawings, the one were Peyton, Brooke and himself were aiming with guns towards the same blindfolded heart. And without thinking about it he opens the box.

Roaming through the content he feels the memories pouring over him. Of Brooke standing in his room trying to keep her face together;

"_Finding that stuff was kind of like evidence, reminding me of what happened… and of how it happened. And I guess my heart just wasn't ready for that…"_

And then the day when she left for California;

"_But what about Peyton's stuff?"_

"_Brooke, I keep them as a reminder of how badly I screwed up things…with you. …To remind myself that if I ever get a second chance, I'd never let you go again…" _

Brooke must have hidden this box here because he certainly hadn't. He remembers throwing it in the garbage-can out back just shortly after they got back together after that summer. Or had he? Why was she still holding on to these things? Why hadn't _she_ thrown them away?

Frowning he looks through the different items. There are pictures in the box, of the three of them together, some of them ripped into pieces. His bracelet from the hospital-stay after the carcrash is in there. The letter he wrote to Peyton and the letter he wrote to Brooke, accidentally using the same phrase as in Peyton's letter. The mixtape she made him. The Travis-album. Even his puca-shell necklace.

Picking up a newspaper-clip about the shooting, he realizes that she's been putting new things in the box, and cold shivers travel down his spine. The red piece of fabric must be a piece of her bridesmaids dress…

"Oh Brooke…" he sighs to himself and puts the stuff back into the box. "I thought you trusted me now…"

But obviously she doesn't since she hasn't stopped keeping little collectables from every time he had hurt her. And judging from the almost half full box, it's been a lot of times.

"Brooke" he calls and puts the box down on the bed. She answers him happily from the kitchen and suddenly he loses the courage to handle the box beside him. The conversation that would follow would certainly ruin this perfect day. So he picks it up and stores it safely back into the corner were he found it.

"Nothing. I'll be right there…" he shouts as he hears her calling 'what?' again. The trust-issues will have to wait until another day. Instead he goes to join Brooke and his mother and to help out with the cooking and he finds Brooke sitting by the kitchen-counter, cutting some vegetables. As he walks up to her she puts her arms around him.

"What were you saying?" she asks sweetly and fiddles with the hair in the back of his neck. He looks down at her and is instantly sucked into her green eyes.

"Just that I love you…" he answers and kisses her softly. "You know that I do, right?"

* * *

Brooke seems to be in a great mood the next morning even though Mondays are usually her least favorite day. Driving to the doctor's office before school, Lucas can't help but smile at her ongoing chatting. He's not really a morning person, at least not anywhere near his energetic girlfriend, and any other morning he would have seriously thought about just asking her to shut up. But not today.

Because this morning her energetic cheeriness works as a thermometer, telling him that she's felling happy and fine. And he himself needs that. All of Brooke's doctor's appointments just makes him crazy nervous.

"…and then tonight I thought we'd just stay in" she chirps. "I know that we've been closed up in the house for a week but we have some serious catching up to do Broody!"

He laughs and the promising look she gives him sends tingles all through his body.

"Sounds perfect…" he murmurs and slowly glides his hand up Brooke's thigh, over the fabric of her tight jeans. "…I can't wait…"

"Lucas…" she pleads, "don't tease! I have a whole day of school ahead of me and you _know_ that I suck at concentrating when I'm horny…"

"Well that's just great" he pouts playfully. "I mean, knowing that you'll go around feeling that way won't really help me concentrate either!"

The nervousness disappears for a while as he thinks of all the empty class-rooms and janitor's closet's available at school, but then they're all of a sudden outside the hospital and he freaks out again. "Too many bad memories from this place", he thinks and shivers as they get out of the car. Even Brooke stops gabbing away and he guesses that she too feels a little stressed.

As they walk in through the entrance he resolutely takes her hand in his and strokes her palm reassuringly with his thumb.

"It'll be okay Pretty girl" he says mostly to himself.

"I know that! Broody."

She laughs but the sound comes out a little awkward and then her phone rings and cuts them off. She lets go of his hand and retrieves the cell phone from her purse. And looking at it she makes a confused face.

"What?" he says curiously and she looks up at him without answering the phone.

"It's Peyton…"

He raises an eyebrow as if to say 'aren't you going to answer it?' but she puts it back into her bag and just says "Hell no…" before walking on over to the elevators.

They are a few minutes early and Lucas gets them both some coffee from the vending-machine in the waitingroom, and just as they sit down on the uncomfortable puke-green plastic chairs a nurse sticks her head out through the door.

"Brooke Davis?"

"Yes."

"The Doctor is ready for you now."

Lucas tightens his grip on Brooke's hand and stands up, pulling Brooke along with him.

--------------------------------

Peyton tries to call Brooke again but this time the call is instantly redirected to Brooke's voice-mail.

"I'm sorry coach Durham", she says and looks up at the old man. "Maybe I'm not the right person to ask, you know? Brooke isn't really taking calls from me right now…"

She's not sure why she's telling Whitey this. Surely his not the least bit interested in hers and Brooke's teenage drama, but he used to listen to her when she needed to talk about her mother.

"She's kind of angry with me…" she continues quietly.

Not that she really blame her for being angry, but ever since Brooke ended up in the hospital two weeks ago, Peyton has had this nagging feeling that she has to do something about their non-existing friendship. She misses her best friend so much and the fear she felt when Brooke was hurt had really made her think about how stupid the fall-out between them really was. But since Brooke had been on bed-rest in Lucas Scott's bed for the entire past week there wasn't so much she could have done about it. It wasn't like she could go over there and talk to her. The Scott/Roe-house was forbidden grounds nowadays since Lucas had told her to stay the hell out of his and Brooke's life. And even if she would have gone there, it wasn't like Brooke would have talked to her anyways, seeing that she didn't even pick up her phone when Peyton called her.

"_I want you to understand something Peyton… As far as I'm concerned, this friendship is over! And if we never speak again for the rest of our lives, that would be fine…"_

She feels her chest tighten up when remembering Brooke's words but then she's brought back to the real world by Whitey's sigh.

"Well I'm sorry to hear that Peyton. I know that you and Brooke have been friends for a long time… I just don't know what to do. I've called her several times this weekend but she hasn't taken my calls either. I've called Lucas as well but his phone is turned off… I just think it would be better if she heard this from me than from Principal Turner."

"Maybe Rachel or Haley could get a hold of her… I mean, they are her _best_ friends."

She hasn't planned for it, but her tone comes out a little bitter. Even though she knows that it's her own fault that Brooke has cut her out of her life, it still hurts seeing her in school linked to Rachel's arm or at lunch eating with Haley and Nathan. She used to be the one enjoying most of Brooke's attention and company, not them. The funny thing is that when she had Brooke's friendship and loyalty, she hadn't really appreciated it that much. She had been too busy trailing after Brooke's boyfriend…

As of some strange coincidence Rachel comes through the corridor just at that moment and Peyton calls her.

"Rachel! Have you talked to Brooke? Whitey really needs to get a hold of her."

-------------------------

It's almost like Brooke's been gone from school for a year at least. Everybody swarms around her, and walking the corridor towards her first class she's almost sorry that the doctor said it was okay for her to go back to school. The appointment had been over pretty quickly and after all the tests had come back clear the doctor had just told her to take care of her self and that he would see her again in a couple of weeks.

Right then a huge weight had been lifted of her shoulders. Even with the drama of her parents visit, the fear of her baby eventually not being okay had worried her more then she had shown Lucas. Seeing how stressed he was about the whole thing, she had wanted to stay strong for him. And that was why she hadn't had any time to worry about how it would be to go back to school.

Now Freshmen and juniors that she didn't even know are congratulating her about the baby, and it's not like last month when people kept whispering and pointing behind her back. Now when everybody knows that it's for real they're much more direct, wanting to ask questions about her relationship with Lucas and about the accident at the game against Parkwood.

The squad huddles around her where ever she goes, starved of their captain's guidance and attention and she even has to break up a fight between Bevin and Therese when both of them wanted to sit next to her in Trig-class.

At lunch she complains to Lucas;

"This is much worse than when it became official that Nathan and Haley were having a baby… Can you believe that a junior from the football-team actually tried to put his hands on my belly!?"

But Lucas just laughs and kisses her possessively. "What did you expect Brooke? They haven't seen you since the whole thing 'came out'. You've had time to let it sink in but they haven't. …And you are kind of the queen around here. A trendsetter if you may… I bet the entire female half of this school will come back pregnant next semester, thinking it's the new it-thing."

Brooke hits him over the arm. "Stop joking around Luke!"

"I'm not joking." But he still smiles and when he's smiling that way she can't really be in a bad mood. Lucas' smile is always contagious. She does her best to keep the pouty face up.

"Where the hell are the others by the way? I haven't seen either Haley or Rachel yet… This is my first day back in school. You'd think that they would have missed me, but obviously not…"

"Come on… You saw them both yesterday Brooke. And we probably just missed Nathan and Haley at the doctor's. She had an appointment today as well. Besides, you've had _one_ class so far and none of them are in it. Don't you remember, that's why you've always hated Trig, because none of us were in the same class…"

She rolls her eyes at his last comment. "So not the point Luke. I'd hate Trig regardless… It's just …hateful!"

She leans her body against his chest where they're sitting on the bench and then she spots Haley walking over the schoolyard.

"Hey Brooke!" Her smile is wide as she comes over but in a weird way she doesn't really look happy. "You're back! So I'm guessing the doctor gave you a free pass?"

"Yeah, I'm all fine now. He said to still take it easy and all that, but I don't have to stay at home anymore. We got a printout from the sonogram if you want to see it but Lucas left it in his locker..."

Lucas nods and kisses the top of Brooke's head but Haley still looks a little funny and Brooke realizes.

"How did your own appointment go?" she asks and a the half-frown on Haley's face deepens.

"Actually, can I talk to you for a second Brooke? I kind of need a little girl-talk…"

"Sure." She kisses Lucas and walks with Haley over to a table further away by the trees. "What's up tutor-mom? You look a little greenish in the face…"

Haley swallows loudly and looks into the ground. "This is just bad on so many levels Brooke…" she says with a clenched jaw. "How the hell am I supposed to tell him this…"

"You're making me worried now Haley… And tell who what?"

"Well, Nathan couldn't come with me to the doctor today because he had a math-exam and I got some unexpected news… and I mean, we're hardly making ends meet economically as it is… and Karen needs me at the café and now I won't be able to…"

Feeling confused Brooke interrupts her impatiently. "Just spill Haley! What happened?"

"Me and Nathan are having twins…"

Brooke feels her jaw fall to the ground. So that's why Haley was so big…

"Oh my god" she whispers. "Haley, that's amazing!"

But then Haley starts to cry.

-------------------------------

**Author's note:** Feeling like I left a few loose ends hanging? Lol, Yeah, well I meant to. As I said, the chapter became WAY to long and I had to make it into two. But next half will be up the day after tomorrow.

I'd love some reviews of course. :)


	18. The Beautiful Letdown: This is Your Life

**Author's note**: So here's the new chapter (the one that was initially the second half of the last one). I know I said two days but my internet-connection has been a little crappy lately… But hopefully that's all fixed by the end of this week.

Personal thank you's are at the bottom of the chapter this time and i'm amazed that i had so many reviews for last chapter since the hit-count went rock bottom last week.

The title is actually both an album and a song by Switchfoot.

x

* * *

**CHAPTER 18 – The Beautiful Letdown: This is Your Life**

_Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead_

_Yesterday is a promise that is broken_

_Don't close your eyes… don't close your eyes…_

_This is your life and today is all you've got now_

_And today is all you'll ever have_

Brooke feels crestfallen at the sight of Haley's tears and she pulls the crying girl into her arms.

"Come here Haley" she says and strokes her back gently, "this is great news. Twins! I mean just think about it, you can have them in matching clothes and I bet they'll both be boys… three more and you and Nathan have your own basketball team…"

She tries to keep her voice chirpy but she understands Haley. She herself was having _one_ kid with Lucas and right about now, that scared the living hell out of her. Haley and Nathan were now having _two_… God!

And as Haley sobs against her shoulder, Brooke signs to Lucas to come over. He looks worried and she tries to silently mouth the word 'twins' to him but that just turns his worried face into a confused one.

She should have known. Lip-reading was not really a skill that he had down, neither was charades for that matter, so using body language was not an option. And as Lucas gets closer she goes for the blunt way of doing things.

"Haley and Nathan are having twins!"

Lucas' jaw drops, just like her own had done moments earlier and Haley, who's still sobbing, turns to him.

"Nathan is going to go crazy Luke… What am I going to tell him?"

Watching Lucas stutter, Brooke seriously re-evaluates her thought of Lucas as a person good in a crisis-situation. But just as she is about to slap him out of his sudden comatose state, he finally pulls himself together and hugs Haley tightly.

"It'll be okay Hales. I bet he'll love the thought of this. And if he doesn't then I'll talk to him…"

After a couple of minutes Haley pulls herself together and heads off to find Nathan, and Brooke and Lucas are left alone again.

"We should head towards Biology…" he says and fastens a loose strand of her hair behind her ear. The small gesture sends tingles through her body and she gets an idea.

"I know a way better method to study that subject" she says with a seductive smile. "Come on…"

------------------------

Nathan puts his books into his locker, still feeling worn out from his math-test. Sure, he can add and subtract stuff in his head and he has no problem figuring out his average in a basketball game, but when it comes to stuff like algebra or calculus he's still confused. Even after being married to his tutor for this long.

And just as he thinks of his wife she comes down the corridor. He closes his locker and turns towards her.

"Hello wife with a perfect size head" he says smiling, but when he sees the look on her face his smile turns upside down. "What's the matter Hales?"

She leans into him and he hugs her.

"I need to tell you something and you might not be so pleased…"

"Oh, okay…"

She takes his hand and pulls him into a corner, away from the other students roaming the halls. She looks upset and he wonders if it has anything to do with the unpaid electric bill he left on the kitchen table this morning.

"Tell me…" he says softly and she clears her throat.

"I… I kind of had some unexpected news at the doctor's this morning…"

His heart drops and gets caught somewhere in the pit of his stomach and he searches her eyes for a sign of how bad this 'news' is.

"Is the baby okay?"

What could be wrong? They had been to the doctor just a week ago and Haley had gotten a complete clean bill of health. He knows that she has been working a little too hard at the café lately, just to keep them afloat economically, and he feels responsible. All his own time had been spent preparing for the championship.

Haley's eyes turn to the floor but he can still see the tears that are filling them.

"Babies, Nathan…" she says quietly and he doesn't understand.

"What Haley? What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

She looks up again, meeting his confused eyes. "We're having twins! I'm carrying _two_ babies and we can't even afford having one!!"

As she starts crying he stands there feeling completely helpless, still not seeing what the problem is. Two babies? That couldn't really be true, could it? Because that would mean that the second one had just popped up out of nowhere since the last sonogram…

"Maybe a girl would understand this better?" he thinks and strokes Haley's back sheepishly. Where the hell was Brooke when he needed her?

_This is your life…_

_Is it everything you dreamed it would be?_

_When the world was younger and you had everything…_

-------------------------

Lucas leans against the wall in the small dark room. He's shirtless and smiling crookedly and Brooke can't help but to find him irresistible all over again. She lets a finger slide softly down his naked chest.

"Maybe we should start behaving a little more like grown-ups" he says. "Now that we're having a kid and all…"

They're both a little out of breath and she grabs his t-shirt from the floor and hands it to him, before straightening her skirt.

"So making out in the janitor's closet isn't grown-up enough for you?"

Her eyebrow shoots up and his hand, that is still draped around her waist, strokes the skin on her lower back.

"If you're asking me if making out with you is enough, then no. I want to do a whole lot more with you then this… And on the question if I think this is mature, then that would be 'no' also… Grown-ups don't skip Biology to make out in a broom-closet Brooke."

"That's bullshit Luke…" she says smiling. "There's no such thing as a grown-up. We might become older and all that. We move out of our parents houses and form our own families, but everybody is still a crazy teenager on the inside… and I mean, all those insecurities we carry around, they just grow up with us… and the hornyness too I think."

He pulls her to him. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, of course! We get taller, sometimes even wiser, and eventually we have to start paying our own bills. But for most part, we're still just a bunch of kids you know…"

"You're pretty wise" he says, kissing her now, and she laughs against his lips. And whispering "I know…" she grabs the shirt that he's just about to put back on and throws it back on the floor.

"We don't need Health-class…" she says huskily. "I think we're both pretty healthy…"

_Don't close your eyes_

_Cause this is your life…_

_Are you who you want to be?_

But eventually they make it to their next class anyway. They're a little late but Lucas makes up a good excuse and they don't get detention. Of course she can't concentrate though. It was true what she told Luke in the car this morning. Being horny totally ruins her concentration and the make-out session hadn't really helped with that. Neither does his hand that slowly caresses her thigh under the desk.

"Stop that…" she whispers, the laughter caught somewhere halfway down her throat. "You're going to get us thrown out of here…"

He smiles but he doesn't stop and it just brings back mental pictures from earlier.

_She pulled him into the less than a square feet room and as soon as the door closed, she had him up against the wall. He laughed first, kissing her softly, but when she pressed into him and deepened the kiss, he was quick to follow her lead._

_I seconds Lucas hands were all over her in the darkness and she relished the feeling. His lips and tongue were hot against the skin of her neck and she let out an almost silent moan._

"_I've needed this so much…" she whispered as she pulled the shirt off him and dug her fingers into the deep ridge between his back's muscles. And his voice was throaty as he answered;_

"_You're not the only one…"_

Her daydreaming is cut off by someone opening the door to the class-room and a junior sticks in a note to the teacher who looks at it for a second.

"Brooke, apparently the Principal want's to see you in his office. You should bring your books because the class will probably be over before you get back."

Surprised, she wonders what he wants with her. She couldn't be in trouble since she had only been here less than a couple of hours. That was unless he had somehow found out about the little 'one on one' she and Lucas had last period. But she had done that so many times that it wasn't even countable, so why would she be called to the principal's office for that now?

No, she thinks. He probably just wants to have a word with her about some upcoming school event. She _is_ after all the Student Body President.

Lucas gives her a questioning look and she looks back at him, shrugging as if to say 'I have no idea…'

"Meet me in the cafeteria after" he mouths silently and she nods before collecting her stuff. And walking off, she's already planning on which empty class-room she would pull Lucas into next.

But when she steps into the principal's office a few minutes later, she's a little surprised to see Whitey in there. Maybe she had disturbed them in the middle of something? But Mr. Turner smiles and waves for her to enter.

"Miss Davis! I'm happy to see that you are back on your feet. You gave us quite a scare there at the game…"

"Well, I hadn't really planned on getting run over by Nathan" she answers laughing. "But I'm fine now."

"And we're all glad."

He ushers for her to sit down across the table from him and she does so a little reluctantly.

"So what can I help you with Principal Turner?" she asks and shoots him a winning smile.

He smiles back, although his smile is much more apprehensive. "Well truthfully I have some bad news… On orders from the school board, I have to ask you to step down from your titles as Cheer-captain and President."

The smile dies on her lips and she shakes her head with confusion.

"Why?"

This is just shocking and she frowns and collects her thoughts for a second. "I have a 2.5 GPA, I did good on my mid-terms and I haven't missed any of my obligations as either cheer-captain or President except for when I was in the hospital!"

"I know that Brooke… It's just… As the principal of this school, I have to think of the parents and what they will say…"

She suddenly gets where he's heading with this and she interrupts him; "It's because I'm pregnant…"

The confusion inside her turns to hurt and anger and Whitey, who's standing next to the principal's desk, looks at her sadly. He seems embarrassed to take part of this discussion but she doesn't feel sorry for him. The least he could do was to defend her. He knew how hard she had fought for both of her spots, especially as captain. But the old coach says nothing. He just sighs.

She turns her eyes back to the Principal, who uses his most fatherly voice when saying;

"Well, I'm sure you realize that you are somewhat of a role-model at this high school Brooke. A lot of the younger girls take after what you do… They want to be like you, you know…"

Her head spins and she hears Lucas' words inside her head.

"…_And you are kind of the queen around here. …I bet the entire female half of this school will come back pregnant next semester, thinking it's the new it-thing."_

Well, he was obviously right, wasn't he? At least he and the school board had come to the same conclusion.

"But there's just one more game of the season… Can't I at least keep the position until after that?"

She hates herself for sounding so pleading but this is just not right. Could they really do this? Morgan Finley had chosen her to take over the squad and she had done the very best she could with it for two years now. But the Principal shakes his head slowly.

"Sadly no. If your pregnancy was still a secret, then I could have made an exception but the head of the board filed a complaint… and he's a big founder of the new gym…"

"So what about my squad?" she says, trying to keep her voice steady and her facial expression neutral.

"They will keep practicing as usual for the rest of the school year, and you can of course choose your replacement. Maybe a junior would be a good choice since there aren't so many months left before you seniors graduate and the season is over soon."

She feels beaten.

"So you're telling me that I don't have a choice? If I don't give this up freely, then you'll take the captainship away from me?"

He nods solemnly and she feels like screaming at him. To tell him that she isn't going to accept this and that she has the right to finish of what she had started. The championship is just a little over two weeks away and they had all fought so hard to reach this goal, much too hard for him to tell her that she wasn't going to take part of this… But she can't do anything.

"I'll let you know who I've picked later this week" she says quietly and she can hear her voice starting to crack. "Can I go now? I have class…"

"Yes. And I am sorry Brooke…"

She just shrugs as response and Whitey opens the door for her and follows her out in the corridor. She's about to just walk off but he touches her arm lightly, mumbling excuses that she really doesn't want to hear. The tears are burning in her eyes, both from anger and disappointment, and she is trying to think of a way to excuse herself when she feels a pair of hands on either side of her waste.

"Hey baby, what's going on?"

The sound of Lucas' voice always has a calming effect on her and when she doesn't answer him he places his hands on her upper arms instead, rubbing them slowly up and down as he stands behind her, leaning his chin against her hair. She feels herself physically relax against him: her shoulders fall and she leans back slightly, her weight on him.

Whitey looks down into the floor looking sad. "Brooke… you must know that I don't agree with the principal. I've tried to reach both you and Lucas the entire weekend to warn you of this…"

Lucas grip on her arms tightens and his voice is more serious.

"Whitey, what's going on here?"

Now the older man looks at her boyfriend instead.

"Principal Turner has just asked Brooke to give up her spot as Cheer-captain and Student body president. We had a meeting with the school board before the weekend and they voted 6 to 4…"

Lucas gasps behind her back and his arms wrap around her, as if he instinctively wants to protect her.

"Hell no!" he says harshly. "He can't do that! Brooke IS cheerleading at this school, that's HER spot! And she won the election against Erica fairly… Why is he doing this?"

She knows he's just standing up for her but she wants to go. So she interrupts, "Because he can't have a knocked up role model…"

Then she feels the tears start to run down her cheeks and she just shrugs off his arms and walks away. And when Whitey calls her she doesn't look back.

_Yesterday is a kid in the corner_

_Yesterday is dead and over…_

_This is your life;_

_Is it everything you dreamed it would be?_

_When the world was younger and you had everything to loose_

-----------------------------

Rachel is standing further down the corridor and she hears the exchange of words. She sees Lucas rush after Brooke and as they reach the corner, Rachel sees him gather the now crying Brooke in his arms.

"Damn it…" she mutters between clenched teeth. This was a freaking disaster.

She walks off in the other direction, leaving Lucas to deal with Brooke. She has a feeling that what Brooke need most now is probably him anyway. She herself has more important things to do. And she retrieves her cell phone from her pocket, dialing Bevin's number, and when she answers she says harshly.

"Gather the squad. Emergency meeting in the girls locker-room in ten minutes! And make sure you get Peyton!"

-----------------------------

Haley finds Brooke and Lucas out on the parking-lot next to Brooke's car. She can clearly see that Brooke has been crying and she knows why. Rachel came and told her and Nathan on her way to the squad-meeting and now Nathan is probably off screaming at the Coach.

"I heard about it… How are you holding up Tigger?" she says while giving Brooke a long hug.

Brooke's tears have mostly dried up but she seems a little shook up. However, she instantly directs the conversation towards Haley instead. Brooke always does that, Haley thinks. She could go on for hours, ranting about petty stuff like 'I don't have anything to wear' or 'My math-teacher hates me', but as soon as one of Brooke's friends needed her, she let everything else go.

"I'll be okay… But more importantly, how did it go with Nathan? He wasn't angry, right?

"No… But I don't think he has taken it in yet. He must be in shock or something because he keeps asking me where the other baby came from…

Lucas looks up and almost breaks a smile and encouraged, Haley continues. Maybe she could at least put a smile on Brooke's pale face.

"You know how I worry about how we're going to make it financially and all that? Well Nathan isn't the smartest with money. He traded our perfectly working car for a motorcycle, for crying out loud. And he doesn't understand why I'm so upset over this…

She shakes her head in disbelief. "When I told him I was pregnant, he freaked out. Now when I told him that we're expecting two babies, he just patted my back and asked me what the problem was. He actually suggested that we'd save money by having the kids sleep in shifts. That way they could wear the same clothes and we wouldn't have to buy more…

Lucas laughs. "Did he really say that Hales?

"No I'm just kidding… But he did take it surprisingly well. I guess we'll have to talk more about it later, but for now it's fine."

"I told you that it would be."

Haley keeps steeling glances of Brooke but her friend is quiet as she leans against Lucas' chest. And Haley realizes that she won't be able to cheer her up with lame jokes.

"Seriously Brooke… How are you feeling?"

Brooke just makes a tired face. "I want to go home… My stomach hurts. I think I need to sleep for a couple of hours…"

Lucas hugs his brunette girlfriend tighter and looks worried.

"I'm going to take Brooke home" he says and Haley nods. She takes Brooke's hand and squeezes it lightly.

"Call me if you need anything, okay? I can come over after school if you want."

Brooke nods and then Lucas gets her into the car and closes the door behind her. And when he walks over to the driver's side he hugs Haley and sighs.

"It's really unfair…" he says tiredly. "This is her first day back… It was supposed to be a good day.

_This is your life;_

_Is it everything you dreamed it would be?_

_When the world was younger and you had everything to loose_

* * *

**Author's note** **2**: Promise me that you'll all tell me when you get tired of this slow tempo… I mean, it's taken me 18 chapters to get to Brooke's 15th pregnancy-week. LOL if I keep this up the story will be like 50 chapters long, but there are just soooo many great Brucas moments that I want in the story and there are still so much unfinished drama left…

Anyways, tell me when you get bored with the pace, and as always: **PLZ REVIEW**. (Not that you don't usually do that, and I'm soo grateful)

**pOoLbEeRtAtToOs**: Again you outdid yourself with that long amazing review! I'm as thankful as always… And Brucasel is now a solid name. LOL. **jeytonbrucasnaley**: Hey, you were right! Great guess! Lol **Sabsfan2**: I agree, a guy should NEVER comment on a woman's weight! lol. **Eemah**: Thanks for the huge support and the mental Emmy-award! **Britt (Broody-N-Cheery-4Ever)**: The box will obviously come back to haunt them later. And I'm actually looking forward to seeing her get fatter too. Lol, maybe I have to speed up the story… **Brucas3**: Don't worry, I can't seem to write short chapters even when I try. **B.Davis**: Thanks so much for your support. And I'm glad you liked the mall-scene. I had fun writing it. **Whisinonastar**: The calm before the storm… lol And hey, great idea with the matching outfits ;) Look forward to some more moody Baley soon. **CC**: NO? I don't really understand… **redboomcat**: Less threads hanging loose now? Lol Thank you.

**Oth rox**, **gilmoregrly4life**, **Brookeleighgilmore**, **goober396**, **dolcegrazia**, **catcat51092**, **Katie**, and **TrueLoveDoesNotAlter**: Lots of thank you's to you all!


	19. In the Wake of Determination

Hey! I was almost shocked over the huge response that I got for the last chapter. The hit-count has never been lower on this story, and yet I had more reviews than for any other chapter… And so many long ones! You guys where so sweet.  
Again, personal thank you's are at the bottom of this chapter. And you should all know that reviews like this week's makes it all the more fun to keep on going with this story!!

I have to say that I don't know what's wrong with me though… I really did try to keep this chapter short, but hey, short obviously doesn't work for me…  
For those of you waiting for an update on my other story, it will be up probably in a couple of days.

This chapter is titled after an album by Story of The Year.

**-**

* * *

**CHAPTER 19 - In the Wake of Determination **

It's a little before lunchtime and Karen is home early from the café. Tuesday's are normally her day off but she has just been in for a couple of hours to check the books, because even though its months left until she has her child, it's still so much that has to be fixed. These days she sometimes even forgets that she's pregnant. With everything surrounding Brooke and Lucas, her mind is constantly worrying about them. And now with this latest news about Brooke's problems in school…

Walking up to the front door she remembers that she has to take care of cleaning the house today, she has been putting it off for days, but when she opens the door, the livingroom looks strangely spotless. And she sighs, knowing what this means.

She hangs her jacket on the hanger and walks over to Lucas' room. The door is open and Brooke is standing by the dresser, folding the laundry. She does it slowly, as if her mind is somewhere far away, and watching Brooke from the open door Karen remembers the girl that had moved into her house last year. The spunky, spoiled brunette that had come in like a whirlwind and turned everything upside down. Everything, including her otherwise silent brooding son. That girl would never have spontaneously cleaned the house like this.  
To think how much that girl had grown…

Brooke puts away the pile of clothes she just folded and turns to Karen as if she has been aware of her presence the whole time. There's a solemn expression on her face.

"I know it's stupid… but I'm really going to miss it…"

The silently spoken phrase is not only a statement, it's also Brooke's attempt for an excuse since both she and Karen knows that Brooke should be in school by now. Karen sits down on the bed and smiles. "Cheerleading?"

"Yeah… being Captain… I don't care about the president-thing so much."

She sits down as well and Karen puts an arm around her shoulders. "Lucas told me last night. I called the Principal first thing this morning but he was in a meeting. His secretary said he would call me back…" She pauses for a bit. "I'm going to try and sort this thing out Brooke. There is no reason to why you shouldn't be able to hold your title until you graduate…"

Brooke leans her head against Karen's shoulder and she gives the young girl a little squeeze.

"So I'm guessing that you being here cleaning, means that you decided against going to school this morning? You know, you shouldn't let this get to you. You have just been let out of this house… It has to be more fun to be in school with your friends than doing the laundry…"

The motherly look she gives Brooke goes unnoticed, she just shrugs. "It all just feels a little much right now I guess…"

The tone in her voice just isn't like her and Karen feels a bit worried. Lately, things had been piling up on the girl and however good Brooke was at keeping up the cheery attitude; eventually even she had to feel beaten. Being pregnant should be enough to handle for a barely eighteen year old girl. And with the accident and the battle with her parents, it was more than most people had to face.

Looking at Brooke now, Karen is worried that this latest event would break her spirit completely. So much of Brooke's self-image came from her years as a cheerleader. And even though Brooke had known that cheer-practice would have to be put on the shelf as her belly started to grow, Karen knows that she had never expected to loose her title in this humiliating way.

She is still puzzled over why the school board made a decision like this one. From what Lucas told her, she understands the underlying problem with having teen-pregnancy portrayed as something 'cool', but this weird punishment was still useless. Stripping Brooke of her titles would neither make her less popular, nor less pregnant.

"Come on honey…" she says and grabs Brooke by the hand. "Let's go have some ice cream. We'll think of something."

----

Brooke small-talks to Karen while eating the Butter Pecan ice cream that she still can't get enough of. But her mind is drifting. Several times she finds herself having to ask Karen to repeat herself and she can't seem to get the conversation to work properly.

"Did Lucas say when he is coming home today?" Karen asks, sipping her coffee, and Brooke looks up at her.

"Uhm… what? Eh, yeah… at four I think. It's Tuesday and they have practice…"

And so has her squad, she thinks. Just it wasn't her squad anymore.

She's not sure why she's taking all this so hard, but somewhere in the back of her head an idea to why is taking form. It wasn't entirely about not having the captaincy anymore. Sure, she was going to miss it, and loosing her title like this would mean that if she wanted to pick up cheerleading in collage, after she had the baby, it would probably be harder to get a spot on the varsity squad.

But the worst thing was the humiliation of proving everybody right. And she has this painful feeling that she's never going to be able to outrun her past. Because if this action taken by the principal didn't yell out 'stupid cheer-slut', then she doesn't know what does…

When Principal Turner told her that she had to step down, she had just felt so hurt. Maybe it had all been in her head, but in that moment she felt like he looked at her like everybody else used to do. Like she was just little reckless Brooke and, that if she played with fire she deserved to get burned. It's just that she didn't deserve it this time, did she?

The baby she's carrying was actually conceived in a relationship, not some drunken one-night stand. They had been careful, used protection, and when she still ended up pregnant she had taken responsibility for her actions. Still, everybody seemed to think that she had made the wrong choice in keeping the baby. Rachel had told her so from the get go, and even though she had apologized for that a million times since then, Brooke knows that Rachel still has her doubts whether or not she and Lucas has made the right decision.

The people at school doubts it as well, and on just one day back in school she has already heard people whispering about whether or not she would drop out and if the kid was even Lucas'.

Then there was of course her father… He hadn't exactly been subtle in expressing what he thought about her and her decisions. She can still hear his last words before stepping into the car;

"_You'll regret this…"_

And now she's starting to think she would.

Tiredly, she puts away her bowl in the sink and decides to go lie down for a bit. Since yesterday she's been having these off and on kind of cramps in her stomach. Nothing really bad, it's probably just the stress, but after the accident she doesn't want to take any chances.

"Thanks for the talk Karen..." she says and puts a hand on Lucas' mothers shoulder as she passes her. "I'll be in the bedroom, I think I need to rest a bit…"

"You do that Brooke" Karen says and rubs Brooke's hand slightly. "I'll wake you up in an hour or so."

She heads into Lucas' room and crawls up into a ball under the bed's covers. And hugging the pillow, she misses her boyfriend.

----------------------------

Rachel is determined when she stops the car outside Lucas' house. Determined, and still a bit pissed of. She grabs her bag and walks up to the door, banging on it seconds later. If Brooke decided that she wouldn't come to school, then she had to go to Brooke. If she had anything to say about it, then no way that Brooke would hide this out.

But it's Karen that opens the front door, and Rachel somewhat deflates her cocky attitude in favor of Lucas' mom.

"Hi Miss Roe…" she says politely. "I'm sorry to crash your house like this but I really need to talk to Brooke…"

Lucas' mother looks at her intently but she holds the door open to let her step inside.

"It's nice to see you again Rachel. Brooke just went to lie down a bit but she's probably still awake."

Rachel smiles a little hesitantly. She had hoped to find Brooke home alone and this little Kodak-moment with Karen in the hallway was not in her plans. But Karen doesn't say anything more and Rachel is kind of grateful for that. Parents just made her uncomfortable.

Instead Rachel walks into the house and silently pushes open the door to Lucas' room. It's quiet in there and she peaks inside, finding Brooke sitting up towards the headboard of the bed.

"What's wrong with you?!" she says almost harshly to the brunette. "Why aren't you in school?"

Brooke looks back at her funny.

"Hello? Did you somehow miss what happened yesterday?! I'm not going to be in school when the principal makes an 'example' out of me! You said it, remember; Story of the knocked up cheerleader… or what was it you called it?"

"She still sounds as her normal bitchy self", Rachel thinks. But sadly Brooke doesn't look half as angry as Rachel has hoped she would. Just sad and tired. And although Brooke puts her hands on her hips and ends her monolog with a loud hiss, Rachel is not impressed.

"Stop whining" she says instead, sitting down next to Brooke. "We need to talk."

When Brooke just rolls her eyes, she continues;

"Okay, listen Mopey… We had an emergency meeting with the squad yesterday… and if you would have bothered to show your fat ass in school this morning, you would have known that we've called off all practices until the principal takes back this whole stupid thing!"

Brooke meets her stare, equally stubborn.

"So? Do you really think he cares? There's two weeks left until the big game… as long as the Raven's wins the championship, he and the board are all happy little campers. He wont care if the squad practices or not."

Rachel smiles viciously. "Really? That's yet another reason that you should have been in school. See, when you and that blonde boyfriend of yours bolted out yesterday, me, Nathan and Peyton had an idea."

Brooke flinches with surprise when hearing the last sentence and she looks at Rachel in confusion.

"Peyton?"

"Yes, believe it or not, but your crack-whore former friend actually has a brain. Now listen to this…"

-------------------------

Lucas has been expecting it all day, but still he can't help but to feel angry when the doors to the gym opens five minutes after practice has started and the principal walks in. He stops dribbling the ball and hushes at Nathan, who strangely enough is smiling with anticipation.

Mr. Turner walks over to the cheer-squad, and since the gym goes kind of quiet they have no problem hearing the man's words.

"So girls, I guess that you've already heard by now that Miss Davis won't be your Captain from now on… She has promised me to choose her replacement later this week but until then you will have to manage without a captain."

All the girls roll their eyes at this and then Lucas is surprised to hear Peyton's voice;

"And how about Lucas and Nathan? They are becoming fathers, and they're role-models as well… Will you be taking their titles as captains of the basketball team away too?"

Mr. Turner smiles tightly. "Well… that's not really the same, is it Miss Sawyer?"

"Why not?" Rachel asks with her eyebrow raised and the question is mostly rhetorical. "So this is just a witch-hunt on Brooke then? I mean, since Haley isn't in any trouble…"

Until then Lucas hasn't seen that Haley is among the girls on the bench, and he almost laughs at the sight of the Principal looking down into the floor. If he didn't know better, he would say Mr. Turner was blushing. Rachel probably feels like she has an opening because she continues.

"You realize the message you're sending out right? It's okay for every basketball-jock at this school to knock girls up left and right, but for a girl who's actually achieved something, then taking responsibility for her actions just gets her into more trouble…"

Principal Turner clears his throat but right then the door opens and Brooke walks in. She looks calm and collected but at the same time more like the old Brooke than she has been lately. She is dressed in the cheer-squads warm up sweats and when she comes closer Lucas is proud to see the anger that shoots from her eyes. "There you go, Pretty girl" he thinks. "Get even!"

"Sorry I'm late" she says with a faked chirpy voice, walking up to the rest of the squad. "Have you girls warmed up yet?"

Rachel smiles viciously towards the darker man, as if she had known all along that Brooke would come around sooner or later, and Lucas guesses that the redhead was somehow involved in getting some fighting-spirit back into his girlfriend.

The principal though, doesn't look at all pleased over this.

"Um… Miss Davis… I thought we had an understanding yesterday?"

Both Rachel and Haley take a step towards Brooke, as if to give her some moral support, but Brooke doesn't seem to need it. It's like something has finally clicked and she's now tired of being pushed around and told what to do or how to act.

"I changed my mind. I'm might not be the captain anymore but you can't ban me from the gym, right? I'm going to prepare my squad for the championship game whether the board likes it or not."

Brooke unzips her warm-up jacket and throws it onto the lower bleachers. A fake smile covers her face and she looks back at the principal. "Whitey gave me permission as long as I don't cheer at the game. Are you over-ruling his decision?"

Looks are exchanged between several parties in the gym by now. Brooke smiles at Nathan and he smiles back before winking at Rachel who beams with pride. This time she had managed to do something good and suddenly Lucas understands that this must be the plan Nathan spoke of earlier. The principal looks at Whitey of course, but the old coach has a facial expression carved in stone. Seconds of silence pass before Mr. Turner finally speaks.

"But Brooke… I can't over-rule the school board…"

Rachel steps in between and squints angrily at him, slowing her voice as if she was talking to a small child.

"Well then, you can't really over-rule us either. The paragraph in the school's rulebook says that when the squad is left without a captain, then they are allowed to vote to choose a new one. And we voted unanimously for Brooke Davis as Captain. So I'd say we're finished here. Either you let us practice or you'll have no squad for the championship."

And then Lucas hears Nathan drop the ball he's holding on the floor and his brother's voice is cold;

"Try hosting a championship game without the home-team… We're not playing without our cheerleaders."

So this was what Nathan had said before about sticking up for 'family'...  
Nathan's face is void of emotions but Lucas can't help but smile towards his brother. The championship was Nathan's high point this year, and still he was prepared to jeopardize his spot in the lineup in favor of Brooke. He smiles even bigger when thinking of Nathan's words during lunch.

"_We have a plan to fix that schoolboard-fuck up…" Nathan said in the cafeteria line._

_Lucas looked at him tiredly. He had tried to come up with one himself all night and yet he had thought of nothing._

"_Who are 'we'? And what is the plan?"_

_Nathan smiled with mischief. "Me, Haley, Rachel… and don't worry about it, we have it all fixed. Just be sure to get your ass to practice on time."_

_Lucas shook his head. "Uh-uh. I'm not going… If Whitey isn't going to stand up for Brooke, then I'm not playing…"_

_Nathan put a hand on his shoulder and lowered his voice._

"_Don't worry Luke. I'm sticking up for family… Nobody does this to my niece or nephew's mother, okay? Besides, do you really think that I want to play the championship-game without Brooke Davis? If she's not there, then who's going to entertain the opposite team so I can steal the ball?"_

_Giving his shoulder a little squeeze, Nathan smiles._

"_Just be in time for practice, okay? Leave the rest to us…"_

So he had. And now he was glad that he hadn't gone straight home to Brooke this afternoon. Pushing the smile away, Lucas mimics his little brother's facial expression and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, Nathan is right."

Surprised he sees Skills do the same, followed by Zach, Daniel and then the rest of the guys.

Lucas then walks over and puts his arm around Brooke's shoulders and they walk off with the squad and most of the basketball team in a tow.

The principal just looks at them as they start to leave the gym, his mouth a little bit open. And in the corner of his eye, Lucas sees Whitey smile.

-------------------

Outside of the gym Brooke finally breathes out. She might look cool, calm and collected on the outside but on the inside she's nothing but. Her knees are a little shaky and Lucas' arm around her shoulder feels safe. Rachel had been right earlier, fighting back was the right thing to do.

"_So you're just going to sit back and let them do this to you?! I'm telling you, Haley found you a way out of this!"_

"_But even Whitey is in on this Rachel! If not even he thinks I should be captain, then maybe I shouldn't…"_

_Rachel had just let out an annoyed sigh. "Aren't you listening to a word I'm saying Brooke? Nathan talked to him. Whitey NEVER wanted this! But he was voted down. If we stick to our plan, then Whitey is on our side…"_

"_I don't know Rach… I think I'm too tired to fight with the Principal…"_

_Irritated, Rachel stands up. _

"_Whatever! Do as you please… But know that we'll all be expecting you in the gym at two o'clock… If you don't show, then you're just a coward Brooke. And you'll just show everybody that you agree with the schoolboard."_

The coward-thing had done the trick for sure. Rachel always knew how to get her pissed off. And after Rachel left, Brooke had done some serious thinking, finally realizing that the annoying redheaded friend of hers was right. She had to fight back.

But she had never expected to have this kind of support.

Haley comes up beside them and smiles widely.

"Hey Tigger, that was so '90210'!"

"Yeah… you are the best Tutor-girl."

She frees herself from Lucas' arm and hugs Haley tightly. "Rachel told me that that you scanned like a million paragraph's to find that loop-hole."

Haley blushes. "It was nothing, really… Rachel came up with the initial idea."

But knowing Haley, Brooke knows that she is just trying to be modest and she squeezes her a little tighter.

"You know that you are my best friend, right Hales?" she says and looks at the golden-haired girl seriously. "You and that crazy red-head are the best friend a girl can have…"

Nathan joins them and she lets go of Haley before throwing her arms around Nathans neck. She hugs him tightly, whispering 'thank you' in his ear. This was a huge sacrifice on his behalf.

He hugs her back a little awkwardly, almost blushing.

"Don't mention it Davis… You're the girl for the job, right? Besides, I still owe you for running you over… Hopefully the Principal will just give up now."

He smiles crookedly and she kisses his cheek. In the corner of her eye she sees Peyton and something, maybe a momentary laps of judgment, makes her take the few steps over to the curly blonde. Peyton looks at her almost shyly and Brooke smiles at her. It feels strange though, she hasn't smiled at Peyton for such a long time and it's almost like she doesn't remember how to do it at first.

"I just wanted to say thank you…"

The girl that used to be her closest friend for so many years smiles back and she mumbles something like 'you're the only one fit for captaincy' but Brooke finds her self not listening. Instead she thinks of how weird it is that she is having a baby and that Peyton isn't there to share all this with her.

It's not like she wants to pick up their friendship right there or something. She still doesn't trust her and she probably never will again. It just feels so strange that this is the first really big thing that they wouldn't experience together. She realizes that eventually she has to let go of all these pent up aggressions she has towards Peyton and make peace, if not only for everybody else's sake. And learning how to smile politely towards her was at least a step in the right direction.

So after smiling again she goes back to Lucas and Rachel and she playfully slaps Rachel's arm.

"You are my favorite bitch as of now."

Rachel just winks back at her. She and Rachel had never been much for public displayed affection… after all they had a reputation to maintain as loving archenemies. Even after the many weeks they lived together in the same house, people seemed to think that they were still not that close. This was not the truth though. Rachel was a lot more loyal than she let on and Brooke was very aware that Rachel had been with her from the beginning of this.

Lucas wraps his arms around her from behind her and she leans on him, picking up some warmth from him in the chilled air.

"Why don't you guys go down to the Rivercourt and shoot off some steam…" she says and turns in his arms, before running her fingers through his hair. "…you seem a little restless."

He smiles back at her crookedly. "Yeah well, we probably need the practice… and I think I'm still a bit high on adrenaline…"

"Then go. I need to hang out with the girls anyway… Show them how much I appreciate their support in this. I never thought they would do that for me. Even Peyton stuck up for me…"

She sneaks her arms around his waist inside his jacket and her body presses against his. He kisses the top of her head and she looks up to meet his lips with her own.

"Why wouldn't they? You're their captain…" he says and hugs her. "I love you Brooke. Call me if there's anything, otherwise I'll just see you at home later?"

"Count on it boyfriend. Now kiss me…"

He does, and when they stop she leans in and whisper suggestions for later in his ear, and he actually blushes a little.

"We don't have to rush it…" he whispers back with his forehead leaning towards hers. "I want you to be really sure that your body has healed…"

She sighs and kisses him again. "Just let me be the judge of that, will you?"

---------------

Later that evening Lucas sits propped up towards the beds headboard and tries to read a book while Brooke sits indian style on the floor, sewing on a new dress. She hums silently to a song playing on his computer and the sound of her low voice keeps tearing his concentration away from the pages.

She seems so content and he knows that the quality-time with her squad had been good for her. Whitey had called his cell phone when they were down by the Rivercourt and apparently the schoolboard had agreed on letting Brooke keep the Captaincy if she stepped down from being President. Brooke gladly approved, saying that she was bored with the Student Council anyways. He's not sure she entirely means that, but this was better than nothing.

As he sits there and watches her he can't help the desire that builds up inside of him. She looks so sexy in her minimal shorts and the tight tank-top and her long dark hair is still wet from her shower she had just taken. All he wants to do is reach over, grab her in his arms and kiss her until she's breathless from it. To run his hands all over her body.

Because nobody ever had the effect that Brooke has on him. And he honestly doesn't think anybody else ever will. And it doesn't help that he isn't allowed to touch her right now. Or 'allowed' is probably not the right word, he thinks. It's just that if he does, she'll see it as an invite. Strangely, this pregnancy seems to make his girlfriend even more inclined to physical contact than usual, and even after what the doctor said yesterday morning, he still thinks they should take it a little easy. Brooke does not want to hear this though and earlier, before her shower, she was making the argument that it would have happened yesterday if the principal hadn't ruined their evening with his news. And then she accused him of hesitating because she had gotten 'fat'.

But this is not why Lucas hesitates. He hesitates because after the principal sprung that bullshit on his girlfriend, she had spent the entire evening curled up into a ball with on and off stomach cramps, and he's still not sure if this was a side-effect of her being upset, or if it had anything to do with the aftermath of the accident. Brooke had lovingly called him 'psychotically over-protective' an hour ago, but it was how he felt. If having sex with her meant that he could possibly hurt her in any way, then he would gladly abstain from it until their kid graduated from collage.

"Hey handsome" she suddenly says, looking up from her sewing when she realizes he's watching her. "What are you looking at?"

"You… I was really proud of you today…"

He tries to keep his voice neutral and not let her know what other things are going through his mind when looking at her. But his eyes probably give him away because she smiles. "So… do you like what you see?"

He nods and she crawls up on the bed where he's sitting and pulls him in for a kiss as he lets the book fall down on his lap. The kiss is sweet, innocent even. At least at first. Then Brooke straddles him with a lithe move and the tip of her tongue trails his lips, and he lets it in, deepening the kiss more and more. Unconsciously his hands pull her closer to him and breaking the kiss, his lips find the soft skin on her neck.

"Mmm…Luke…"

The moan that slips from her is soft and although he loves this sound, it brings him to his senses. It's just two weeks since Brooke got out of the hospital and he has told her umpteenth times the latest hour that he's not going to sleep with her until the end of this week at the earliest. But she's not making it easy on him. These latest days she has tried to seduce him in every way possible and making out with her without having it lead to sex is starting to be very hard.

"Nice try," he laughs against her throat as she tugs at her own tank top, trying to pull it over her head. His hands stop hers, and pulling it down again he shakes his head at her almost regretfully. Honestly, he does want this as much as she does, he's just really afraid. Afraid that her body isn't ready for this.

She digs her nails into his shoulder blades and then eagerly grabs the fabric of his t-shirt instead.

"Too much clothing," she mumbles against his mouth. "I need to feel your skin…"

He pulls away from her long enough to securely tuck the shirt back into his jeans.

"Stop it Brooke" he says still smiling. "Don't try and trick me. You know that this isn't going to happen… Not today…"

"Don't be so broody…" she says with a husky voice as she leans forward and captures his bottom lip between her teeth, sucking on it gently. Her hand travels along his side down to the front of his jeans, caressing him. Then she leans her head back and looks at him, without stopping. The other hand grabs his and guides it up to her breast. Breezing over it he can feel her nipples being hard under the thin fabric. And he has to gather all his strength not to give in to her. But he holds his ground. And when he shakes his head again she sighs.

She stands up, and for a second he thinks that he has won this round. But then she slowly pulls her shorts down and steps out of them, leaving her to stand in front of him in only her panties. He breathes in deeply as her hand disappears under the lacy fabric.

"What are you doing…?" he whispers frowning.

"I horny…" she breathes. "If you won't touch me, then I just have to 'Brooke' myself…"

He watches as her hand starts moving slowly and she closes her eyes as her other hand trails her own belly and up to her breast. Quiet moans of pleasure slips from her again and he stands up too now. He can't stop himself. Brooke, standing there almost naked, is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

"Let me do it…" he whispers.

He turns her around so that she leans her back to his chest and wraps his arms around her. Her skin is warm and soft and she smells like cinnamon and flowers. He strokes her body, teasing her gently, before covering her hand with his and controlling her movements.

She moans again, louder this time, and his knees are starting to go weak from the sound of her raspy voice. She tilts her head to the side allowing him full access to her neck and he leans down and bites the soft skin. While kissing her, he buries his fingers in the silky strands of her hair and pulls her head even more to the side. Then he lets his hand fall down and grazes his fingers against the side of her breast. She presses against his hands and he continues to touch her, rolling her nipple between his thumb and forefinger as it hardens even more.

She presses against him in a way that makes him groan out loud and he can feel how wet she is against his fingers. He rubs her faster and he can't control the smile that forms on his lips as he once again kisses her neck. She had him now, there was no going back from here… And as usual his seductive pretty girl had gotten things her way.

"Come on…" he groans and pulls her back down on the bed with him. When would he ever learn how to tell her 'no'? When would anyone ever really be able to withstand Brooke Davis?

---------------------------

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**Author's note 2: **That was the nineteenth chapter. I love your reviews so please send more of them. :D 

And if you think that the last Brucas-scene was uncalled for, then it's just because I needed to show you that they are back to normal in the 'bedroom-department'… lol. I wont be making this into a every chapter habit.

**THANK YOU's**

**pOoLbEeRtAtToOs: **Not predictable huh? You know what, I LOVE your reviews!!! I think I have said that every week since I started this story, but it's true! You are officially NOT a loser anymore. Lol. And for your information, I'm not a pimp!! LOL  
Anyways, I tried to keep Brucas just below semi-steamy in this chapter as well. Tell if you think I did good. And I'll look into that one-shot for sure… Some M-rated Brucas on its way just for you!  
**Whisinonastar: **Loved the review and loved the little faces! And I agree, the principal was stupid (I made him that way lol). The tiny wardrobe's a great idea!! It's good to know that you liked the smidge of Brucas-porn, lol. How about this?  
**Tiffany Rae: **You don't EVER have to say sorry for sending me long reviews!!! They are the best thing! I'm so glad you like Rachel because I do too, and I think she's such a good compliment to the rest of the group. And 50 chapters? Hey, keep sending me reviews like that ones in a while, and 50 won't be a problem LOL!  
**jeytonbrucasnaley: **I'm happy to hear that you like the pace, and you know that I LOVE your story! 15 chapters before she told him was WAY worth it! Loved every one of them.  
**WyaRose: **What can I say? Amazing! Like I told you… you don't even know how much I appreciate it. And I'm so grateful for the names (and don't worry, I wont go all trend-name-crazy on you lol)  
**B.Davis: **Yeah, Rachel is a way better friend than people might think. And please tell me if there are any special Brucas-moments you'd like to see. Maybe I can squeeze them in. LOL  
**Oth rox: **I totally agree with you. Brooke IS the only one for the captain-spot!  
**BreezeBlownBy**: Hey! Nice to have you back LOL. The alerts mess up a lot, don't they? I'm Happy that you like the twins idea, and I know that there was a little Peyton in this chapter but she stay mostly gone for a while more… :)  
**goober396: **She does have more fight, doesn't she? But she's also been having a really tough time lately. Don't worry though, Brooke will get her fighting-spirit back up!  
**Prettygirlandboyfriend: **It wasn't cheeseball at all! As of now, we all need the Brucas-moments! LOL  
**B&Lforever: **Your reviews are great! And your ideas! I'll be sure to look into all of them more. I wanted to reply to your review but since you did it anonymously I can't. Send me an e-mail to 'justlikebrooke at hotmail dot com' and we'll talk more :)**  
Sav**: LOL, I'll be sad when it ends too. I'm getting all my much needed Brucas-fix's through Fanfiction right now. So 100 doesn't seem so bad ;). Thank you for a wonderful review.  
**Piper-h-99**: LOL… I've got it. I'm updating. Thank you  
**Eemah, Anon Y Mous**, **CC**, **Brucas3, Dolcegrazia, Alisha: **Thank you so much for sticking to this and liking the pace! I appreciate your reviews sooo much.  
**Jess, Courtneylovejason, TrueLoveDoesNotAlter, Tardychick, Naley4ever323, TreeHillRaven4Life, Brookeleighgilmore**, **Katie, trhill4life, grooveijj-othfan88, catcat51092: **A huge thank you to all of you!!


	20. A Song For A Sleeping Girl

**Author's note: **Again, you are all insanely sweet for sending me so many wonderful reviews. Every time one pops up in my inbox, I get so happy! (Thank you's at the end)

This chapter mostly revolves around Brooke and Lucas, and I know that many of you like it when I add more Naley-scenes, but they will soon be involved much more. I'm also sorry for the never ending basketball-references in this chapter and the next one, but a championship is a big thing… oh, well. You'll understand. ;)

The title of this chapter is from a Devics-song.

-

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**CHAPTER 20 – Song For A Sleeping Girl**

Nine days has past since the confrontation with the principal and today is Thursday, the day before the championship. Brooke catches up with Haley halfway down the school corridor and links her arm with hers.

"Guess what I did last night?" she says happily. "I'll tell you; I had sex with Lucas…"

Brooke looks so excited that Haley has to laugh. "And this is news in what way Brooke? Having sex anywhere and all the time is kind of like yours and Lucas' trademark, isn't it?"

"Lately, actually no. First because of the Doctor's orders, you know… and then because I haven't really seen him this week because of Whitey's extra practices" She pretends to look sad but then the huge grin is back on her face. "But last night, I'm telling you…" she lowers her voice into a whisper, "…last night was _amazing_. I'm actually thinking of letting him be deprived more often. It does wonders, you know."

"Like you could ever do that!" Haley says and rolls her eyes. "One would think that being over four months pregnant would slow you down a bit but then again…"

She keeps laughing as they start walking towards their lockers, and Brooke pretends to be offended.

"We actually don't do _that_ all the time you know! Occasionally we just make out…"

They join Rachel and Mouth in the cafeteria for lunch and they're all talking over one another. Peyton is actually at the table too but she silently draws in her sketchpad and doesn't really seem to notice the others. Mouth is trying to keep Rachel from telling them about some guy she slept with the night before and Brooke is busy telling Haley about her ideas for a prom-dress. She has just informed Haley that she has found suits for Lucas and Nathan when Rachel breaks in.

"Where are the guys by the way?"

Haley puts the last piece of her sandwich in her mouth and leans back in the chair.

"I don't know and frankly I'm glad to have some time away from Nathan… He just keeps trailing after me nowadays. It's starting to drive me insane… He's all 'touchy feely' and I'm just too tired…"

Brooke raises an eyebrow, looking confused.

"What do you mean? Isn't that a good thing? Then he can give you a back-rub or a footmassage…"

But Haley just sighs and blushes a little. "Lets just say that he's interested in more than that and I'm not really feeling that right now. Can't he just get the fact that I'm five months pregnant?"

Brooke really doesn't understand what Haley is saying. So? She is pregnant too, and she is tired off and on as well, especially since she has taken a lot of Haley's shifts at the café these last couple of days, yet the last couple of weeks had almost driven her insane. And even though she had gotten Lucas to give her a repeat of last night this morning, she already missed him.

"Okay… Stop complaining!" she says and takes a sip from her Snapple. "I don't know about you Tutor-wife, but I _need_ sex, even more than I need shopping. For a while there I was seriously starting to doubt if me and Lucas were ever going to have it again. He was so stubborn! And now I'm actually starting to hate basketball…"

She taps her Ugg-boot against the cement, feeling annoyed just by thinking of it, and Mouth rolls his eyes and covers his ears as if the entire discussion is bothering him. Rachel laughs and nudges him playfully before turning back to Brooke.

"You're such a nymphomaniac… Aren't you supposed to be all 'ickey' about the sex-thing when you're pregnant?"

Peyton opens her mouth for the first time and sighs as she gets up. "It's Brooke you're talking about, Rachel… What did you really expect?"

Brooke sticks her tongue out towards Peyton's back before turning to Rachel.

"Why don't you just shut up Rach! If I'm a nymphomaniac, then you are… well… worse!"

--------------------------

Lucas and Nathan are on the other side of school, spending their lunch-hour in the weightlifting-room. A week ago Nathan had decided that they both needed to crank up their work out schedule before the championship and Lucas yawns as he helps his brother to get the heavy weightlifting-pole back in place. Nathan sits up and wipes his forehead with his t-shirt.

"Dude, what's up with you today? You look like you haven't slept at all…"

Lucas grins at his brother sheepishly. "No, but it was for a good cause. My girlfriend needed me…"

Nathan sees the grin and shakes his head. "You lucky bastard…"

"Yeah, I know… but I have to ask you something though… Has Haley been acting strange lately?"

"You know Hales, she acts strange all the time… But if you're going to ask me if she has become like your girlfriend, wanting to spend every single minute in bed with me, then no. I'm not that lucky."

Lucas scratches the back of his head. "Well, apart from _that_… Brooke and my mom have been rearranging our house entirely, so much that I can't even find my stuff anymore. And at four o'clock this morning I found Brooke eating left-over steak in the kitchen…"

Nathan laughs, reassuring him that Haley too craves a lot of strange things lately but Lucas frowns.

"She also has these reoccurring nightmares…"

"About what?"

"I'm not sure, she doesn't want to talk about it. But it's almost every night now and she seems really scared…"

And it does worry him. Ever since Brooke's hospital-stay she woke up in the middle of the night and he had to hold her for at least twenty minutes before she went back to sleep. Usually she mumbled some incoherent stuff about the baby or her parents but lately it didn't really sound truthful, more like she didn't want to tell him the real content of her bad dreams.

Nathan shrugs. "I have no idea about that one bro… Maybe she's just nervous about the game tomorrow night. I know I am…"

----------------------

Later that night Lucas is down by the Rivercourt. It's dark outside but the park is lit up by the surrounding streetlights and he dribbles the ball, letting it bounce from his left hand to his right and then back again. Brooke is at the gym having a late practice with her squad and without her company at home he had just paced back and forth nervously until his mother bluntly asked him to take his excessive energy outside.

So now he's been shooting free-throws for an hour and the tingling nervousness is almost gone. He has a couple of more baskets to make, then he's driving over to the school to pick Brooke up. She would probably be tired but he looks forward to just lie on the sofa with her and watch some crappy girl-movie. They have hardly had any time with each other the last week, with all the practices after school, and the latest nights had mostly been spent with either him or Brooke helping out at the café, since Haley was now too tired to stand for hours.

And even though Brooke had persuaded him into being late for school this morning, he misses just hanging out with her.

The sound of a car makes him look over at the road but then he turns back and keeps shooting. And when the soft crunching of the Rivercourt's gravel alerts Lucas of the other person's presence, he doesn't turn to face the man walking towards him. He knows its Dan, he just doesn't want to acknowledge him until he has to.

He hasn't seen Dan in a month and he'd rather keep it that way. So instead he picks up the bouncing ball and twirls it in his hands before bending his knees and making the three-point jumpshot. The ball goes straight through the hoop, the net making a swooshing sound and Dan claps his hands behind him.

"I see you're not totally worthless son. You must have gotten better since I last saw you…"

As usual Dan's voice is condescending and sarcastic.

"…But then people tell me that you've been missing a lot of practices lately and I'm guessing it's because you've played house with little Miss Davis. Why didn't you tell me? One would think that I deserve to hear about becoming a grandfather from my son himself…"

Lucas clenches his jaw and takes the next shot before answering. The ball goes through, just as the last one, but this time he lets it roll off without catching the rebound. Then he turns to face the man that he would always refer to as Dan or 'Nathans father'. After so many years of knowing the truth he still can't make himself call him 'dad'.

"I really don't see how any of this is your business, since you've never been my father for real, but yes, Brooke and I are having a baby."

Dan chuckles and rolls his eyes. "Lucas, my son. Always the little moralist… So that scare last year wasn't enough for the two of you? You just had to follow in your stupid brother's footsteps and ruin your life as well…"

Feeling the anger creep through his body, Lucas looks away. "Nathan made the right choice, but I'm not surprised that you don't understand that. Your decisions are known to suck so…"

He stops talking when he hears Dan's laugh and he thinks of the last time he talked to him about maybe fathering a child. It had been at the dealership just before he found out that Brooke really wasn't pregnant that first time.

"_Interesting… You always made me out to be the bad guy." Dan said and smirked. "Maybe you'll judge me a little different from now on…"_

_Lucas sighed tiredly. "Spare me your lectures."_

"_Oh, I'm just trying to give you the benefit of my experience."_

"_In what? Fathering a child, or abandoning one?" His voice had risen in anger but Dan still smiled viciously._

"_It seems to me you're one mistake away from both…"_

"_Yeah, well… one's an accident. The other one's a choice."_

He's just about to remind Dan about that little conversation and to tell him that this was his choice. The baby Brooke is carrying might have been an accident when they conceived it, but it was no damn mistake. But then Dan speaks;

"I tried to make sure that your stupid decisions wouldn't affect the other poor little souls of Tree Hill High. We couldn't have a pregnant Cheerleader as captain. But the cleaver little girl found her way around it." Dan picks up the ball from the ground and spins it in his hands before continuing.

"She's quite the little manipulation-expert, isn't she? I was hoping that I wouldn't have to see her on court tomorrow but I heard that she got her squad back…"

"You bastard… _You_ called the board meeting…"

Realizing it, he balls his fists unconsciously and takes a step towards Dan. He should have known when Brooke told him that the head of the board voted against her. As the mayor of Tree Hill, his father _was_ the head of the school board. How could he have forgotten that?  
The anger he's feeling inside is reaching the boiling point and he want's to hurt Dan. Knock the teeth out of his mouth for everything he has done to the people around him. For leaving his mother, setting Keith up with Jules and for almost ruining Nathan's and Haley's marriage. For everything Dan had done to him his entire life… and now for hurting Brooke.

Dan actually takes a step back, looking a little guarded.

"Now come on son, she did it all to herself… You must know that high school girls are like that. She just wants to trap you, that's why she got herself pregnant… just like your mom did with me."

"Shut up!" he hisses, but Dan is stupid enough to keep going.

"Don't you see it? Brooke and Haley both see that there might be money in yours and Nathan's collage-ball careers… And Brooke is accustomed to being rich, right?"

"I told you to shut up!"

He takes another step, closing the distance between himself and his father, and he grabs the front of his shirt. "If you say one more word about Brooke, I swear I'll kill you!"

-------------------------

Brooke pushes the 'play'-button on the boom-box and shouts "Come on girls. Last time! If you nail this one you can all go home in time to watch the TRL-awards."

She counts them in and does the routine with them, but facing towards them so that she can see any misses they might make. Rachel does it spotlessly and Peyton, Carmen and Theresa are good. But Bevin and Michelle are still a bit off beat at the end.

"What do you think?" she shouts to Mouth who sits on the bench watching their practice.

"It looks good Brooke! Really good!"

She stops the music and claps her hands, making sure that she has a big smile on her face. "You hear that? Good work girls!"

It isn't as perfect as she would want it tomorrow night, but for now she decides to let it slide. They are all tired and it is good enough. She looks up at the watch on the wall and is surprised to see that it's already nine o'clock. Lucas was supposed to come pick her up half an hour ago.

She calls off practice and most of the girls trail off out of the gym, but Peyton walks over to her and smiles shyly. Since Peyton helped out with the Principal, Brooke had made an honest effort in being a little nicer to the blonde girl and now she was curios to hear what she wanted. Peyton just kept switching back and forth in her behavior, like when she dropped that comment earlier during lunch, and Brooke still wasn't sure what the girl's agenda was.

"Um… great practice Davis…" she says, keeping her eyes glued to the floor and Brooke mumbles 'thank you' and waits for Peyton to get to the point.

"Do you need a ride? I didn't see your car out front…"

Brooke sighs. "Look Peyt, it's nice of you to offer and everything, but us working together on the squad actually works for the first time in ages and I think we should just leave it there… Just because we're being civil doesn't really change things."

Peyton looks hurt and she doesn't really want to be mean to the girl, but this whole conversation just feels like déjà vu.

To explain she says; "Do you remember when we went to the Classics, junior year?" and Peyton looks back up at her.

"Yeah, we had to redo our entire routine and you won that award for best choreography…"

"Exactly… You know, I think about that weekend a lot… especially about when we got back and I saw you and Lucas talking in the parking-lot. You came over looking guilty and tried to mend things with some witty comment and I told you that however fun the weekend had been, we weren't friends anymore because of what you and Lucas did that first time…"

Peyton looks guarded, probably wondering where she was going with this.

"You said that even though I wasn't your friend anymore, you were still mine… And then you said that you were going to prove it to me…"

"Yeah I remember that… but what are you getting at Brooke?"

"Well I'm still waiting for you to do that. And even though you stuck up for me the other week, I'm not ready for car-pooling."

Peyton nods but she doesn't bother with a come-back. Instead she picks her bag up and throws it over her shoulder.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then" she says and Brooke nods back.

"Yeah I guess… And you're right, it was a great practice."

Rachel has stayed behind too and now she picks up her stuff from the floor. As the door closes behind Peyton, Rachel says "I figured that you didn't want to ride with her…"

Brooke turns towards the redhead. "It's not just that. Lucas has my car so I have to wait for him… But thanks."

"Okay, then I'll just wait with you."

Brooke breaks a smile. Rachel is more and more turning into her closest confidant. And what she likes so much about this is the way her friendships with Rachel and Haley compliment each other. She doesn't really need Peyton anymore. Haley is her rock now, her shoulder to lean on, whilst Rachel always make her laugh and makes her feel like she is allowed to act her age and have fun even though she's pregnant. But this doesn't mean that she doesn't miss Peyton now and again.

"That's nice of you but you don't have to do that" she says. "He'll be here any moment, actually he should have been here thirty minutes ago, and I'm sure you have some whipped little boy waiting for you, right slut?"

Smirking, she pulls the cord of the boom-box out of the wall and picks it up to put it away. But Rachel takes it out of her hands and carries the music-equipment over to the lockable storage room. Ignoring Brooke's last remark, she laughs;

"He's a half an hour late? The old Brooke would have just freaked out at that. What's wrong with you? Are you going soft on him?"

"I don't know, maybe I am…" She quirks an eyebrow, smiling meaningly. "He's just been so sweet…"

"Bullshit, Brooke. Admit it, you're just staying on his good side for sex."

And right then Lucas comes in through the door. She watches him walk over through the gym in his sweatpants and oversized hoody, and laughing she thinks that Rachel has a point. Every time she sees him she feels like flinging herself onto him. But Lucas' shoulders are tense and he has that squinty look he gets when he's angry. She's just about to whisper her answer to Rachel when she sees that the knuckles of his right hand are bleeding.

"Lucas! What happened?"

She rushes over to him but he shrugs away from her.

"It's okay Brooke… can we just go?"

"No! Tell me what happened! You're bleeding…"

He can't just waltz in here, being late and bleeding, she thinks. Not without explaining. His otherwise baby-blue eyes are indigo and the look in them worries her. Rachel sees it too and starts fidgeting with her towel.

"I'm off, you guys" she says and walks off. Brooke doesn't answer though. Instead she takes a step closer to Lucas and takes his wounded hand in hers.

"Luke…" she tries in a much softer voice and this time he sighs.

"I met Dan at the Rivercourt… and let's just say that he's not thrilled to be a grandfather."

Brooke gasps. "Dan did this to you?!"

But now Lucas suddenly looks amused. Even though his eyes are still darker than usual, a slight smile plays on his face.

"No, this happened when I hit him in the face."

---------------------------

Brooke wakes up in the middle of the night from another one of her nightmares. This one hadn't been so bad but she still turns to cuddle up with Lucas and to find safety in his arms, but his side of the bed is empty and she looks around, still not really awake. It's dark but she can make out the contours of her boyfriend sitting in the chair by the window. Guessing that it's the events from earlier that are keeping him awake, she slides out of bed and tip-toes over to him.

"Why aren't you in bed?" she whispers, not wanting to wake up Karen. "It's getting cold without you…"

He smiles at her in the darkness and she throws one leg over his and sits down across his lap. She strokes his face gently and locks her eyes into his.

"Are you okay babe?"

He nods and pulls her closer to him before pressing his lips to her forehead. "I just couldn't sleep… I didn't mean to wake you."

She leans her head on his shoulder and feels his hand absentmindedly stroke her naked thigh. He must have been sitting here for a while because his hands are cold.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks, just like he had asked her so many times lately.

"Not really. I just feel bad for my mom… she doesn't deserve to worry about this on top of everything."

Brooke silently agrees. Karen had of course gone crazy when Lucas told her earlier and she had probably gone over to Dan's beach-house and hit him again if Lucas hadn't stopped her. And now she feels like hitting Dan herself. Not because of what Lucas told her about Dan setting up that schoolboard-meeting, well she was angry at that too, but mostly because he always was such an ass towards his sons. She had seen Nathan struggle under Dan's ruling for years and he was even worse with Lucas.

"She'll be okay Luke. But she's your mother… Of course she worries when you come home bleeding."

She thinks about the last time she saw Dan. It had been shortly after her parents came on their surprise visit, and one of the few times that she had been without Lucas. She had run into him on her way to Nathan and Haley's place and he had seemed to be in a bad mood.

"_Hi Mr. Scott"_

_He looked at her seemingly angry. He squinted and she couldn't help but think that Lucas might have inherited that squinting from his dad. Although Dan looked like an evil snake when he did it. _

"_Brooke Davis…" he said slowly, as if tasting the name. "Haley isn't home."_

_She smiled her best smile towards him. "I know. I'm actually going over to see Nathan… He wants to surprise Haley with a prom-dress and I'm making it and he needs to give me some directions how he wants it to look because…"_

_She rambled as always when she was nervous. And Dan just made her uncomfortable, he always had. Of course Mr. Scott wasn't interested in why she was there, and he smirked._

"_It's bad enough that you twisted the head of my younger boy long ago… Now lately I've been hearing rumors about your plan to trap my older one once and for all. I wish both of them could just see you girls for what you are…"_

_At first she wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but in the back of her head she already knew. Instead she fake-smiled again and turned on her high heels._

"_You know what Mr. Scott? I just wish your sons didn't have to see _you_ at all…" _

Lucas' hand moves up to stroke calming circles on her back and she closes her eyes and just sits there for a while, savoring the feeling. As he starts speaking, the voice is barely more than a soft whisper.

"You had that nightmare again, didn't you?"

She nods against his chest but she's quick to reassure him that it wasn't that bad this time.

"Don't worry about it Broody… You have enough on your mind."

Looking up he rubs his nose against hers in a soft Eskimo-kiss. "I can't not worry Brooke. You've been having these dreams for weeks. I want to know what it is that has you so scared."

He always does this, she thinks. Comforting her when it should actually be the other way around. Like the other night when she was tired after working at the café and her raging hormones got the best of her. She had yelled at him for anything and everything before breaking down into a little pile of self-centered and winy tears. Lucas hadn't gotten angry, he hadn't yelled back or even told her to stop feeling so sorry for herself. Instead he had just picked her up from the floor and hugged her. She should probably have apologized for her behavior, but he ended up whispering apologizes to her for not seeing how tired she was.

She sighs and shakes her head, breathing in his scent. "It's nothing Luke. Really."

She can't explain to him that he is what scares her so much in her dreams. He just wouldn't understand. Every night he keeps popping into her dreamland and in the light versions, like tonight, then he just left her to deal with this pregnancy or their child alone, saying that he couldn't do it or that he was in love with someone else. But there were other nights when she woke up drenched in cold sweat after the vivid replay of him dying.

Sometimes it's in a car-crash. Other times he is the one getting shot in the school shooting.

But every time it's followed by her standing by a grave with a little baby in her arms, and she wakes up with the same feeling. The feeling that she just can't live without him.

She wants him here, with her, in the most unapologetic, greedily possessive way possible... She wants to make sure that he is safe and loved and that he knows, without question, how much she needs him in her life. But in a strange way, she is still afraid to say it. As if verbalizing it might just push him away. Instead she gets up, and when standing, she reaches out a hand to him.

"Come back to bed with me. You need sleep Lucas."

He takes her hand and slowly gets up as well. "Yeah…you're right" he says. "Tomorrow night will probably be pretty rough."

And when they're back under the covers and she's snuggled up in the space between his neck and shoulder, she can't help but wonder if he's talking about the championship game or the fact that he ones again has to run into his father.

"I'm sorry that Dan treated you that way… You deserve so much better Luke."

"I don't need 'better'… I have the best… you."

He trails the skin of her belly with his finger and lowers his voice even more. "Some fairytales end badly Brooke, but this isn't one of them." Laying a chaste kiss just above her navel, his eyes refuse to release hers. "I promise."

The night is still and the moonlight seeps in through the blinds, and as he crawls back up and settles beside her, it falls on his face. Her eyelids flutter frantically as she fights to keep her gaze fixed on him but finally sleep wins and her eyes close. As her breathing evens out she keeps hearing his words;

_I promise._

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**Author's note:** Can you feel it build? LOL. Next chapter is the State Championship, so get ready for loads of basketball.

I think I need some reviews first though. ;)

/Lynn

**Thank you's: **

pOoLbEeRtAtToOs: You SO are my favorite reader! And I'm not 'the shit', you are. Look at that insanely long review, huh. I mean what more can I ask for? lol. Simply nothing. Hopefully you liked this chapter as well.

Wishinonastar: I'm doing (silent) cheers at your review since I'm at scrawny's bedside in the hospital, but as always; You KNOW exactly how to write them, don't you? lol

B. Davis: You know I miss BL-hotness too… so I'm hiding in the world of fanfiction until Mark stops being a complete ass. ;)

BrownEyes1980: Again, loved the review and a huge thank you for posting my story-link on fanforum. It's an honor! ;)

BreezeBlownBy: Yeah, Brooke is irresistible, isn't she? lol And maybe I'll just be a pal and give you threatening and ominous soon…

jeytonbrucasnaley: I agree with you, some Brucas-moments are in fact NEEDED. Why can't Mark see that?

Eemah: The forgiving of P.Saywer might take a while more… ;) Brooke is quite stubborn you know…

Bucas46Forever: I'm blushing at all those adjectives… and I'm so glad you think it progresses nicely. My sleeve holds a few more tricks though…

oth rox: Your review was soo sweet.

Tiffany Rae: No, thank YOU! and if you say so, then I might just throw some more smut int there now and again, lol. And look out for some more Karen/Brooke-moments ahead.

courtneylovejason: I'll see what I can do in the upcoming chapters…lol

truelovedoesnotexist, Brucas3, tardychick, Brookeleighgilmore, Whatfunny, Dolcegrazia, McNerdy, catcat51092, piper-h-99, Prettygirlandboyfriend, Katie and CC: Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!


	21. All The Matters Of The Heart

**Author's note:** This chapter picks up where the last one ended. The chapter-title is from a song by Tracy Chapman and the lyrics are from the song 'Stand still, look pretty' by The Wreckers. Beautiful reviews as always... I didn't have time to write personal thank you's this time but i will go back to that in the next chapter. And i hope you keep reviewing. ;)

This chapter goes out to Cami and Eva on fanforum because i know that they feel my pain! LOL

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**CHAPTER 21 – All The Matters Of The Heart**

_People have problems that are worse than mine_

_I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time_

_And I hate the way you look at me, I have to say_

_I wish I could start over_

Lucas watches Brooke sleep beside him. For the moment she looks peaceful, but he expects her to start twisting and turning again soon, she has done it off and on the last hour.

He thinks about waking her up, but a quick glance at the alarm-clocks fluorescent digits tells him that it's almost morning anyway and she might as well sleep as long as she can. His mom has told him how tired being pregnant makes you and even though Brooke hardly complains, he guesses that the nightmares that keep waking her up ads on to that tiredness.

"Mental note to self;" he thinks, "I need to read up on this pregnancy-thing… I know way too little about what's actually happening to my girlfriend's body…"

He was never able to go back to sleep after Brooke came up and forced him to go back to bed. Too much is on his mind. The game, his father and worrying over Brooke is just half the load. On top of that he has his mom and her pregnancy, the finals that are soon approaching, collage and the always lingering worry over money…

Staring into the ceiling he silently counts the months left until collage starts. If everything went as planned the baby would be born on August 5th, which would hopefully give him a month at home with Brooke before the semester started. But it's already March and he once again ads 'finding a job' to the mental list of must do's.

If Brooke was awake she would kiss him senseless and tell him to stop worrying and that they had enough money on her bank-account. But his girlfriend had grown up with a different level of funding, and 'saving' wasn't really a word in her vocabulary. He is a little bit more realistic and he knows that keeping a baby fed, dressed and diapered is expensive. And since Brooke has turned eighteen and doesn't live with her parents she didn't have valid medical insurance, so just the hospital-bills for the child-birth would probably chew out a big chunk of what they had saved.

And several nights lately, when Brooke kept him awake with her tossing and turning, he had been on his back like this, hypnotized by the pattern of the small cracks in the ceiling and terrified of failing Brooke or their baby in any way. But now Brooke turns in her sleep and flings an arm around his chest, making cute sleeping sounds in the process. Her hand is warm against his skin and when she snuggles up against him she also scatters most of his fears of the future.

"We'll just have to take this day by day" he thinks. "Hopefully it'll get easier with time…"

And with just an hour left until the alarm-clock would go off, he finally drifts off into sleep.

--------------------------------

Brooke wakes up alone in the bed but she can hear the sound of the shower. She yawns and stretches her hands over her head and then the water stops running.

"Morning pretty girl…" Lucas shouts from the bathroom and she laughs at his intuition of her being awake.

"Morning boyfriend… thanks for letting me sleep in…"

As she gets up he says; "No problem… You know, I'm thinking that I should get a job… I heard that they need help down at FootLocker."

She wraps the sheet around herself, too tired to find her robe, and walks over to the open bathroom door. And she watches him, leaning towards the doorframe. He's standing in front of the mirror, drying his hair with a towel. Another towel is draped around his hips but hanging dangerously low and she bites her lower lip at the sight of his toned muscles.

"You don't need to get a job Luke, but I love your six-pack though…" she sighs smiling, eyeing him up and down. "You could definitely make money off of that body…"

He looks over at her. "Thanks. But stripping is not really a line of business I'm planning on getting into."

"Why?"

She tries to look innocent, but she can't help but to start giggling when his eyebrow shoots up as if he wants to say; 'Do you really want to go there?'.

"_Okay_… I wasn't talking about stripping. Believe me; I'm fully aware of your lack of dancing-skills baby… But you could model…" She leans over and grabs the loose towel, snatching it of him so that he's completely naked. "I mean look at you! You would be _so_ cute in a Calvin Klein underwear-ad."

She's been with this guy off and on for a year and a half and he's been naked in front of her hundreds of times… And still, she can't keep her eyes of him. He blushes slightly under her intense stare but he doesn't reach for his clothes. Instead he looks back into the mirror with a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He pulls his fingers through his hair before saying;

"_You_ were very cute as a lobster..."

She freezes. "Hey! I wasn't a lobster! I was a crab!! And you're mean… I'm standing here, giving you sexy compliments, and you tease me about the only crappy job I could get? Thanks!"

He laughs, especially when she shoots her bottom lip out in a pouty way, and he turns and leans towards the sink. She points at him.

"Lucas Scott, you should be very careful to say stuff like that when you're naked! I could… _hurt_ you!"

But he just grabs her hand that's still pointing at him and pulls her to him.

"I'm not mean. You _did_ look very cute, whatever crustacean you were supposed to be… But I seriously still don't get why you took that job. You, if anyone, could have made money from modeling. Have you seen yourself Brooke?"

He kisses her and she closes her eyes when their tongues meet briefly.

"Yeah? Well, that crab-thing was actually kind of rewarding and I always did look good in red…"

She kisses him one more time before pulling away from him sighing. His naked skin against her own is starting to get the best of her and they are already running late.

"Now get dressed before you get us in trouble" she says. "You have to play your best tonight and I wouldn't want to exhaust you…"

He gives her a slightly disappointed look and of course she can't help but to tease him just a little bit more. So she drops the sheet where she stands and stretches her body in a slow but lithe movement before stepping in to shower. She knows he's watching her which makes it even more fun to pull the shower-curtain closed just in front of his face.

When she hears him sigh on the outside, she laughs.

"Clothes Broody!" she says and turns on the water. "And make me coffee…"

------------------------

After lunch Lucas sneaks up behind Brooke in the school corridor and puts an arm around her shoulders. He's a bit tired after not having had enough sleep, but the game-nerves keeps him alert and energetic.

"Hey beautiful… Where are you off to?" he says and kisses Brooke's temple.

"I have to go get the music for our cheer-routines to Mouth before my History-class. And I need to find Rachel…"

She looks stressed and he guesses that she feels really weird about not leading the girls tonight. But they had talked this over for days now and he knows that in the back of her head she's agreeing with him that she shouldn't. After what happened at the last game she cheered at, he really doesn't want her in harms way. So she had decided to let Rachel have the middle spot tonight and have herself standing in the back. He couldn't tell her to stay away entirely, but at least she would be a whole lot safer then if she was in front, just by the sideline. He finds it a little weird though that she didn't put up more of a fight, he had expected her to, but he's happy she agrees with him.

"I just saw Rach" he says. "She was heading towards the tutor-center."

"Oh, okay…"

Brooke turns and grabs her books out of her locker and he touches her lower back, stroking her skin gently in an effort to make her less distraught.

"What's wrong baby? You seem a bit spaced out..."

"Yeah… I'm kind of nervous about tonight."

"Well so am I, pretty girl. But we'll both be good."

Now she finally looks up and smiles. "No baby… You'll be great! You always are. And you took your medication this morning, right?"

He nods before leaning down and he kisses her while putting his hand on her belly. It's been almost impossible for him to leave her belly alone lately. It's like he wants to take every chance to touch it.

"You hold your fingers crossed in there, okay?" he says, pretending to talk to the baby inside of her. "Cheer for daddy, alright?"

Brooke giggles and pushes him away.

"Stop harassing my child!" she says playfully and ushers him to go. "Get to class! You'll be late…" And when he still won't let go of her she pulls him in and whispers;

"If you're a good boy I'll meet you in the empty chemistry-lab in fifteen minutes… I bet I can work some of that excess energy off of you…"

He laughs and kisses her again before she heads off in the other direction with a stack of books and cd's in her arms. And he starts walking towards an hour of Geography. Nathan catches up with him halfway.

"What's up dude? Are you pumped for tonight?"

"Yeah, but I'm nervous as hell… Pontiac High, you know they're top-ranked right?"

Nathan smiles sheepishly. "Who isn't nervous? But don't let it get to you… How's Brooke by the way? More sleep tonight?"

"Not really… she still wont talk to me about the nightmares. And I think she's nervous about tonight too. She's 17 weeks along and this is her first game since… well you know… I think she stresses about what people are going to think."

Lucas doesn't want to remind Nathan about the accident since Nathan still feels bad about it, but at the same time he knows that Nathan is aware of it and there is no use trying to hide it.

But Nathan just nods.

"And Hales?" Lucas asks. "I've hardly seen her at all lately…"

"She's fine. She's been busy tutoring Rachel and it's proving to be a handful… Hey, by the way, Haley told me you had a run in with dad last night… Is it true that you punched him in the face?"

"Um… yeah. Sorry for that…"

He laughs a little awkwardly but Nathan looks like a big question-mark. "What are you sorry for? I've already done it twice. I bet it felt good, huh?"

He raises his hand in the air and Lucas 'high fives' him. "Let's just win this game tonight Luke. That way we'll piss him off even more. His team never made it to State."

-----------------------------------

Just before the game, people are running back and forth in total confusion. And while the atmosphere in the boys lockerroom is tense, the spirit in the cheerleaders lockerroom is high. The air is filled with laughter and gossip and there are make-up and half dressed girls everywhere.

_I want to paint my face and pretend that I am someone else_

_sometimes I get so fed up I don't even want to look at myself_

Brooke looks at herself in the full-length mirror. She's wearing the skirt of her uniform but the top is still in her bag. Instead she has her warm-up jacket on, which is loose enough to hide the small rounded belly. People that didn't know she was pregnant would probably find it weird but she realizes how stupid she would look in the tight little top ending just above the 'bump'. Watching her reflection she is grateful for her so far minimal weight-gain. Her legs still looks the same and so does her arms and face. Besides her belly, the only thing that has changed is her boobs, but hey, she isn't really complaining about that. And neither is Lucas, she thinks smiling.

Rachel comes up beside her and puts her make-up kit on the counter under the mirror, and Brooke silently hands her the blue and white color-kit from her own bag.

"Why are you giving me that?" the redhead asks, giving Brooke a weird look.

"You need it to paint the Raven's 'R' on your cheek."

Rachel just hands it back. "Forget it. I'm not captain. You are."

"Yeah, but you're doing my job tonight so you might as well have the honor of the captain's R…"

Brooke hands her the make-up again but Rachel shakes her head smiling. "I said forget it. I knew you were a little slow but are you deaf too? Paint the R on yourself Brookie. This is our last game and I'm not taking you title, just your spot on the floor."

Rachel starts to put on some lipgloss but then she smiles wickedly and lowers her voice. "I'm telling you though, if Nathan decides to do that rampage-thing again, I'm pushing Peyton in front of him."

Brooke can't help but to giggle. She then leans against the counter and skillfully paints the letter on her cheek, silently remembering the first time she did it after Morgan Finley handed her the captaincy at the end of freshman year. It had taken her forty-five minutes to finish the letter the first time and then it had still been a little blurred and shaky. Now she could probably do it perfectly in two minutes with her eyes closed.

Theresa walks by in just her underwear, flaunting her toned cheerleader-body, and Brooke notices that Theresa looks her over.

"What?" she snaps, feeling her insecurities starting to get the best of her, and Theresa smirks.

"Nothing, I was just thinking that your ass looks bigger…"

Brooke squints evily back at her and bites her tongue not to throw out a bitchy comment. She had complained about the girls bodies and movements for two years and she probably had this coming to her. But it hurts never the less and gets even worse when she realizes that she's blushing. Rachel smacks her lips together and turns to go back to the others, but then she looks back.

"Hey Brooke" she says and winks. "You look really good."

Brooke smiles back thankfully. She's not sure if Rachel knows how much she needed to hear that, but she does.

_And you might think it's easy being me…_

…_just stand still and look pretty_

A couple of minutes later the group of girls enter the gym and Brooke is amazed at the number of people that has shown up to watch the game. Her heart beats faster out here in the bright lighting and the sound of the crowd's cheer makes her take a couple of deep breaths.

Lucas and the rest of the team are finishing off their pre-game warm up out on the floor and she stops and kneels down to tie her brand new white sneakers. She had thrown the last pair away since the bloodstains never really washed out, not even with bleach. Then she hears Rachel's voice beside her.

"Um…Brooke… What's up with Lucas?"

"What do you mean?"

She looks up again, and now Lucas is at the team-bench, talking to Dan. Her boyfriend and his father have the same tense body-language and Dan is waving his hands furiously.

"Damn it!" she mumbles. This was not a good start of the evening.

---------------------------------

Dan shouts at him and the people around are starting to look at them. Nathan drops his ball out on the floor and comes over as well.

"Come on dad! Just get out of here! None of us are interested in what you have to say…"

Lucas looks at Nathan. "It's okay Nate. I've got this." Turning back towards Dan, he clears his throat. "What do you really want?"

"I want you to pull your head out of your ass and at least talk to the recruiter from Duke… They are offering you a scholarship identical to the one they gave Nathan. You two could play together on the same team in collage as well!"

Lucas shrugs. "I told you, I don't care about Duke. I'm going with Brooke to UNC. And since you are not my coach, I don't really need to listen to you right now. Get out of my way so I can warm up."

He tries to walk around Dan but he moves to block his way again and Lucas is actually a little surprised that Dan is talking to him at all after their fight last night.

"I might not be the coach but I AM your father! And when I talk, you listen!"

Now Brooke comes up at his other side and her green eyes pierces into Dan.

"What's your damn problem? Stop yelling at Lucas!" she says angrily and his petite girlfriend suddenly seems six feet tall. But Dan turns to her and spits out his answer with despise in his voice.

"I'm not talking to you Miss Davis. Why don't you just stand over there and look pretty… or whatever it is that you do best. I need to talk to my son!"

Lucas watches his father and realizes how pathetic the man is. A power-hungry shadow of a person. And the purple bruise underneath his eye makes him look ridiculous in his tailored suit. In the corner of his eye he catches the movement of Nathan's arm but he holds out his hand to stop him. He knows why their father's words to Brooke trigger Nathan so much. Lucas has no trouble remembering what Dan said to Nathan when Haley left for the tour…

"_It's not worth it son, pissing your life away because of some girl…"_

"_Some girl? She's my wife, dad!"_

"_Really? Well, someone may want to tell _her_ that."_

Dan seemed to like to trash everything Brooke or Haley did, but then again, it had just led to Nathan punching Dan, just like he himself had last night.

"I have nothing to say to you…" he says slowly "and I told you last night to never speak to my girlfriend again…"

He puts his arm around Brooke's tiny shoulders and leads her off to the sideline, but after a few feet he looks back and ads;

"And don't ever call me 'son' again. We might be genetically related but nothing else."

Dan is red in the face with anger and with a clenched jaw he hisses "You watch your back Lucas. No one treats me this way, you hear? No one… If you walk away now, you might as well be dead to me."

The words don't really bother Lucas as he walks of with his arm around Brooke, but he still finds them funny in a strange way. Because in a matter of less then three weeks, both him and Brooke had managed to be threatened by their own flesh and blood.

And before leaving Brooke with her squad, he cradles her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him.

"I love you" he says seriously and he really needs her to understand that it's true. "I really, really love you Brooke Penelope Davis…"

She doesn't answer but her eyes and the kiss she gives him tells him everything he needs to know. The weirdest thing is that in the corner of his eye he can see Peyton watching them, and she is actually smiling.

--------------------------------

_I wish that everyone would just shut their mouth_

_I'm not strong enough to deal with this_

The game starts and Lucas forgets about everything except the ball, his teammates and the opposing team. He's not even sure if Dan is still in the gym and frankly he doesn't really care either. Thousands of people cheer as they start off the game a little rocky, but they soon pick it up and the first quarter ends 26 – 21 in their favor.

During time-out he watches Brooke and she winks at him with a big smile. She looks beautiful with her long dark hair flowing down her back and he wishes that their life could be a little less complicated. But as long as she's with him he feels like he can face anything. Her squad does a great job and she watches over them as a proud mother would. And he's relieved to see that she actually doesn't participate.

The second quarter goes better but when the team gathers up for a team meeting in the locker-room in half time, Lucas can't help but to see the worried look on Whitey's face. Pontiac High is better then they all thought they would be and the strain form carrying the team on their shoulders is evident on both Nathan and Skills. Lucas listens to Whitey's monolog about team-effort while bouncing the small container with his HCM-medication in his hand. He knows that the pills are keeping his speed down, and what use was a shooting guard without speed? If he is supposed to be able to help the others, then he has to make a choice. And if he ever wants to show his dad that he is the better basketball-player, then he has to make that choice right now.

Nathan has probably seen him holding the container and as they leave to go back out on court Nathan walks up beside him.

"Dude, you took the pills, right?"

"Yeah, don't worry…"

And he's not really lying. He did take them. At least the dose earlier this morning. How big a deal could it be that he hadn't taken one more now, as he should have? It was only half a game left and he had played lots of game before without taking any pills at all.

_People have problems that are worse than mine_

_I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time_

_But I am slowly falling apart_

_I wish you'd take a walk in my shoes for a start_

_And you might think its easy being me…_

But in the beginning of third quarter Skills gets fouled out, and Whitey has no other choice than to put Skills on the bench. This means that even more pressure is put on Nathan and by the end of third, Pontiac's team is doubling their defense on him, and Lucas is left off trying to find Daniel or Zach. But it's not the same as having Nathan and Skills flank him and by the end of the quarter, they're down by five. His chest hurts from the physical exertion and it's nights like this one that Lucas really misses Jake. Yeah, so the guy's free-throw percentage pretty much sucked, but Jake always kept his cool. He would have been a rock to lean on steadily in a game like this, when everything was at stake.

But Jake is still MIA somewhere in Savannah and Lucas reaches into his last power-reserve and dribbles the ball up midfield. He feels better now, faster and lighter on his foot. He aims and takes the shot and the three-pointer goes through the net just as the third quarter ends.

Running back towards the huddle at the bench, he passes the cheer-squad. He looks over to check that Brooke is still in the background as she has promised, but of course she's not. He motions for her to back up although Brooke just smiles at him.

"It's okay Luke" she shouts and waves her pom-poms at him. "Just win this!"

But he backtracks his steps and stops in front of her.

"Brooke… please be careful…"

She grabs his face and kisses him passionately. "I'm okay baby, really!" she says laughing. "I just want to be able to tell our baby that I cheered for his or her daddy at his final game in High School…"

Right then Whitey calls for him and she lets go of his face. "Go Luke! I'll be fine."

He nods and runs back. He wants to believe her but he has this bad feeling.

The forth quarter starts and already after a few minutes he feels like his heart is beating so hard that it might come out through the chest-wall. His vision blurs a little at the edges, and he knows that he has played much more than his allowed fifteen minutes. But with Skills still on the bench, Whitey really doesn't have anyone to replace him with. At least not if they're supposed to be able to win. He glances at the clock. Three more minutes to go and they are down by six. He makes another three-pointer and the point-guard from Pontiac looses the ball back to Nathan who puts in another two.

They are now down by one and as Zach passes the ball back to him, he looks for his brother, finding him just up underneath the basket. The crowd is already counting backwards from ten and he shakes away the blurriness and struggles to get enough air to be able to continue running. He makes it up on the left outer side of the court and takes the shot. It goes to high but he yells out:

"Nate!"

And then Nathan takes the jump and slam-dunks it right through the waiting net.

Lucas looks at Nathan and he can see confusion covering his little brother's face. The same confusion he himself is feeling. The ball had gone in and that would make the score…?

It's like someone has just pushed the 'slowmotion-button'. He and Nathan both look up towards the score board and as the signal buzzes to mark the end of the game, the red digital numbers finally flip. 112 – 111. They look back at each other and digest the information at the same time. The Ravens had just won the State Championship by one point.

Then the crowd in the gymnasium goes wild and Lucas throws his arms around his brother in a wild hug before the rest of the team snatches Nathan and carries him away on their shoulders.

Lucas laughs out loud at the sight of Nathan and then turns towards the cheerleaders.

Brooke comes running towards him and he picks her up and spins her around. Laughter bubbles up inside of him and he kisses her passionately before setting her down again. We won, he thinks. They had actually won the state championship…

The feeling is almost unreal and everywhere around them people are cheering and screaming. Somewhere from the ceiling the big bags of multi-colored pieces of paper are released. He's still out of breath and his chest heaves up and down painfully as the confetti is falling all around them. Then Brooke suddenly stops laughing. Total confusion spreads over her face and both her hands quickly falls down to cover her belly.

"What Brooke?" he says freezing. For a couple of seconds his heart stops in fear of something being seriously wrong. A weird tingling feeling works it's way up his right arm and his fingers start to go numb.

But then the smile is back on her face, even bigger than before. The dimples in her cheeks are deeper then he has ever seen them.

"I think your baby wants to say 'congratulations'…" she says, and he doesn't understand.

"What do you mean?"

He takes a deep breath and he has a little trouble to get the air to go into his lungs. Her green eyes are glistening at him and she has purple, blue and orange pieces of paper stuck in her hair.

"I think it just kicked, Luke…"

At that moment he doesn't think he's ever been happier. He has just won the state championship, he has the most beautiful girlfriend in the world and their baby just kicked for the first time. But the air he needs to breathe just doesn't seem to be there. And then everything goes black.

-------------------------------

* * *

**Author's note 2: **Well, as I said, if you don't like basketball then this chapter was probably pretty boring to read. But basketball is the red thread of OTH, right?

And since I clearly remember all the hate-mail (lol) that I received after Brooke's almost miscarriage, I must say I'm a little scared…

But PLEASE review and I promise to have the next chapter up as soon as possible.


	22. If I Ain't Got You

**Author's note: **Sorry that it took so long. (You guys at FanForum know that I've been trying to upload this for days…) And for some reason I couldn't update this if I didn't shorten it so the next chapter will probably be really long… lol.

I'm so angry with Mark right now and I wish that this chapter could be the complete BL love-orgie that we all need so badly after 4.14 but… sighs …well…

Title and lyrics are from a song by Alicia Keys. And again, I don't own anything other than my own ideas. Thank you's at the bottom guys…

/Lynn

* * *

**CHAPTER 21 – If I Ain't Got You…**

_Some people want it all  
But I don't want nothing at all  
If it ain't you baby  
If I ain't got you baby_

Brooke cries against Haley's shoulder. Cries with silent and slow heart-wrenching sobs that pierces straight into Haley's soul. But the crying is far more controlled and restrained than Haley thought possible. Then again, Brooke has been completely zoned out for more two hours, switching between staring into space and quietly sobbing like now, and Haley doesn't know how to make it stop. Lucas is probably the only one who can do that, but he is somewhere inside this hospital and Haley has no idea if he's dead or alive. And it all feels so unreal. Their team won the championship, she saw Brooke and Lucas hug out on the court and then Lucas fell to the floor…

Something had happened to his heart, she figured out that much just from listening to the team's doctor that was the first to examine him. And when the paramedics came, she was almost sure she heard someone saying the word 'heart-attack'. But by then she was busy holding on to a shook up Brooke. A Brooke that had just been frozen beside Lucas, and that since then had resembled of a pale ghost.

"_Call 911!"_

_Whitey hunched down over Lucas, shaking him and trying to get him back to consciousness. The confetti still fell around then while Haley cradled Brooke in her arms and Nathan kept yelling._

"_Someone call a fucking ambulance!"_

_She was scared to death, especially when she looked at Lucas' face. His lips were turning blue, and if she wasn't trying so hard to hold Brooke in a tight grip so that the team doctor could work on Lucas, she herself would probably have been in a pile on the floor, crying her eyes out._

_Then four men ran in on court with a wheeled stretcher, pushing away Karen that was beside Lucas. Haley watched as they lifted Lucas on to the stretcher and Nathan held Karen in his arms._

"_He has a pulse" she heard one of the paramedics say. "Call dispatch and tell them we're bringing in a possible heart-attack." _

Heart-attack. Wasn't that something that happened to old men? Not to young, athletic eighteen year-olds that was supposed to be fathers in just five months. Not to her best friend.

For a second she thinks of how she felt when Nathan was unconscious after almost drowning a few months ago. And again she can't help but think that it's weird that Brooke is even this much pulled together. But then again, this could just be the calm before the storm…

Nathan sits beside her and the pressure from his strong shoulder towards her own somewhat reassures her. She looks up and gives him a weak smile and she sees the concern in his eyes. He's not just worried for his brother. The way his eyes keep searching hers and darting down to Brooke's curled up form on her other side tells her he also concerned about Brooke's detached state. And she is too.

Someone stops in front of them and she looks up. Through her own tears she sees Peyton holding out a cup of steaming coffee towards Brooke.

"It's a mocca-latte, I had them put cinnamon in it… I know you like that…"

Brooke takes the cup and nods absentmindedly, whispering an almost unhearable "Thanks Pey."

Feeling disconnected Haley looks around her in the waitingroom. It's filled with people. Whitey is here, the entire team and cheer-squad, some people from school. And Karen is somewhere around her too, desperately trying to get the doctors to tell her anything about Lucas' condition. Anything at all. Because so far, no one has been allowed to see Lucas and the two and a half hours that has passed since the game ended feels like an eternity.

Haley wonders how Karen is holding up and what this stress is doing to the babies Karen and Brooke are carrying. Inside her own belly, the two little replicas of Nathan is kicking up a storm. The two little boys…

She had planned on telling Lucas and Brooke about their godchildren being boys tonight after the game, but now she might not get around to telling Lucas at all, and the thought of this brings fresh tears to her eyes. If her best friend didn't make it, then what would happen to Brooke? How would she ever cope?

"Okay, snap out of it Haley!" she thinks to herself. "How are you ever going to be strong for Brooke and Karen if you keep thinking like that?"

Lucas would be okay, of course he would. She shakes her head to rid of the thoughts and turns to look at Peyton who sits down on Brooke's other side and laces her fingers together with Brooke's. Brooke is too detached to pull away and even if she wasn't, she probably wouldn't have anyway, Haley thinks. All their petty fighting seems so unimportant right now.

Instead Brooke leans back onto Haley and she hears her whisper "What if he's not alright? What if he doesn't make it Haley?"

She just strokes Brooke's hair. She's been listening to these questions since they wheeled Lucas into the ambulance and by now she's out of comforting answers. But Peyton squeezes the brunette's hand.

"Don't even think it Brooke. Lucas is strong. And he loves you so much it's not even funny. He would never leave you, you know. Especially not now…"

Peyton seems to wait until Brooke looks up at her and her voice is even softer when she continues;

"I saw you guys at the game… how he looked at you… No God in his right mind would pull apart two people that love each other like you do."

Haley can't help but to think that Peyton herself already had tried doing that. Twice. And if Peyton had said these things in a different time and place, Brooke would probably have snapped back with some bitchy comment, but now she just seems to cling to the words, probably hoping with every fiber of her being that Peyton is right.

"I need him so much…" she whimpers and when Peyton leans in to hug her, Brooke just falls into the blonde girl's arms and new tears replace the ones that Haley just dried away.

"We know you do…" Haley says softly. "But he'll be okay…"

It hurts to see Brooke so weak. She is never like this. Angry, yes… Brooke could probably make a grown man back down with just her ice cold stare. And happy, happy in a way that had everybody around her laughing. But weak, no… Brooke was never weak and seeing her likes this makes the world feel upside down.

Then Rachel comes and squats down in front of them, putting a hand on Brooke's knee.

"Brooke… Karen says that you should come see Lucas…"

------

_Some people search for a fountain  
That promises forever young  
Some people need three dozen roses  
And that's the only way to prove you love him  
Hand me the world on a silver platter  
And what good would it be  
with no one to share  
with no one who truly cares for me_

Brooke looks at the redhead, not really understanding what she's saying. He couldn't be awake. He had a heart-attack less three hours ago… So what was it that Karen wanted her to see? His body? Was he dead?

She shakes her head slowly, to rid of the cloudy thoughts and try to think clearly, but it's almost as if she's drunk.

Beside her, Haley gets up from her seat and so does Peyton and Nathan, but she can't seem to move. Her mind tells her to stay put, because as long as she sits here, a part of her can still pretend that this isn't happening. And if it would turn out that Rachel meant that Lucas wasn't awake, then she feels like she's going to break completely.

But then Nathan just resolutely grabs her arm and helps her up. She feels herself almost hoisted from the chair and hears him usher her on softly; "Come on Davis… Lucas is going to be okay…You have to go see him."

She looks up at his face and she hasn't got the heart to tell him how wrong he his. She has been through this exact scenario now for weeks, and she knows how it ends. That's why she turned off her feelings the best she knew how, as soon as he hit the floor in the gym. And that's why she has forced her self to block out as much as possible. Lucas was going to die and she would revisit the scene with herself, their baby and his gravestone. But this time for real.

Mechanically she walks where her friends lead her. Left foot. Then right. Then left again. Haley's hand holding hers is soft and cool and Nathan keeps a protective hand on the small of her back.

"They wouldn't be this protective if he was fine…" she thinks, still preparing for the worst. And then they reach the open door and she stops.

Until then, her brain has kept her heart in check. Over and over sending signals telling the heart not to feel or to ache. Just to close. But the strange thing is that when she sees Lucas awake in the hospital bed, the heart suddenly won't listen to her head any more.

Slowly she takes in the sight of him. The white hospital gown is open in the front and small colored electrodes are attached to his naked chest. She trails them, counts them before locking up at his face. There are eight of them.

He looks pale, kind of worn, and she wonders if he's in pain. But as if reading her thoughts Lucas smiles weakly towards her and seeing him do that just pulls out the last piece of solid ground from under her feet. Suddenly everything, all the fears and emotions that she has fought so hard to keep inside, comes out. She stumbles, and Rachel who is right behind her, actually has to hold her in an upright position.

"He's going to be okay…" she thinks with a spinning head. "He's not dead and he's smiling…"

The last two hours she has been living inside her own nightmare and now she stands frozen in the doorway, unable to move. Karen who is already at Lucas' bedside motions for her to come inside the room and she can feel Rachel softly pushing her from behind, trying to get her to go forward. But Brooke stands rooted in the same spot.

"No, I can't…" she sobs, "I don't want to…"

Lucas lifts his head from the pillow. He clears his throat and manages to say her name with a raspy voice.

"Brooke…"

And it's that sound that finally snaps her out of her paralyzed state. Huge amounts of fear and relief mixes with anger.

"No! I hate you! she screams at him and closes the distance between herself and his bed with just a few steps. "I hate you for doing this to me! Do you hear me? I thought you were going to leave me and YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

What has been a silent but steady stream of tears the latest hour, now escalates into hysterical crying, complete with body-shaking sobs. It's as if someone has opened the floodgates to the Niagara Falls behind her eyes. And reaching him, she falls down on the bed and sobs so hard that she can hardly breathe. "You can't…scare me…like that… I need you!"

His hand moves up and strokes her slowly over the hair and Karen kneels beside her.

"Brooke honey, you need to calm down. Lucas is very weak. Come here…"

Karen starts to softly pull her away from the bed again but stops at the faint sound of Lucas' voice.

"No mom… I need Brooke here. Just… just let her stay… she needs to cry this out…"

_Some people want diamond rings  
Some just want everything  
But everything means nothing  
If I ain't got you, you, you_

-------

An hour later Nathan carefully peals Brooke off of Lucas and lifts her up. She whimpers a little but stays sleeping. Since Lucas is admitted into the cardio-ward in the ICU-wing, Brooke really can't stay sleeping in his bed over night. And even though Nathan knows that both his older brother and the brunette in his arms will go crazy once they wake up and realizes that they've been separated, he has take Brooke with him out of here.

"Are you and Haley okay with this Nathan?" Karen asks in a tired voice. "I really want to stay with Lucas and Brooke could use the rest."

He nods and Haley who's at his side ones again reassures Karen that it's more than okay. They'll take Brooke home to their apartment. They'll watch Brooke as long as Karen takes care of Luke.

He starts to walk towards the door.

Brooke is still only wearing the short cheerleading-skirt and jacket. It's chilly outside even though spring is here and when Nathan reaches the lobby, a nurse is nice enough to wrap one of the hospitals blankets around her. Nathan thinks that he recognizes the nurse from when Brooke was in here a couple of weeks ago and he smiles thankfully towards her. She smiles back.

"Maybe they should think about closing the basketball-program at your school…" she says joking. "…it seems to do more harm then good."

And maybe she's right, he thinks. In less then eighteen months, himself, Lucas and Brooke had all been admitted into the ER after a game. The Raven's uniforms were probably well known around here. And just within the Scott-family they had spent more money on hospital-bills the last two years than anyone should during an entire lifetime. Car-crashes, drug-induced collapses, near drowning incidents, possible miscarriages and now heartproblems. When would it stop? It's was all starting to feel like a badly written soap-opera for daytime television.

He repositions Brooke in his arms to get a better grip and her head wobbles back onto his chest. Haley has caught up behind him and he feels her small hand on his lower back. He shivers when he thinks about how he would feel if something happened to his wife. Or to his little boys. He would probably break down in the same way that the girl in his arms had.

Brooke stirs when he carefully tries to get her into the backseat of the car, and he calmingly puts his hand over her cheek.

"Shh… you're okay…" he mumbles and strokes a few strands of hair away from her face.

It's hard sometimes to believe that this is the same Brooke that had used to be Tree Hill's queen of partying. Always drunk, always with a new guy trailing after her and with an attitude colder than ice. He likes the new Brooke so much more, but sometimes her vulnerability throws him off. He's not used to this emotional side of her. And it's weird to have two so completely different sets of memories connected to the same girl…

Haley sits herself down next to Brooke in the backseat and cradles her head in her lap. They had become so close this last year, Brooke and his wife, and that sometimes scares him. He has hardly been an angel in the past and Haley knows he has a history, but some skeletons should just stay kept in the closet. Preferably until the end of time. And Brooke knew a lot more about his history than Haley.

"Are you okay Hales?" he asks as he gets into the drivers seat and starts the car. His wife lets out a long sigh.

"Yeah, just very tired and drained…" she says silently, and he knows what she means. Lucas is, and will always be, one of the most important people in his wife's life, and tonight she had worked really hard to keep herself together for Brooke's sake.

"I'm just so relived that he's okay" she continues. "But at the same time I'm so angry with him… How could he be so stupid to not take the pills? He knows that they are meant to keep him well…"

"I guess he just really wanted to win…" Nathan says slowly, turning left at the corner of North Union Street and onto Centre Road. "He probably thought that he could do without them this one time."

Haley huffs from the backseat. "Well, he should know better! He has to think of Brooke and the baby now…"

She ads something more after that, but so silently that it is drowned in the sounds from the car's engine. Nathan is not sure, but it sounds like 'he has to think of me'.

He hurts for her, and for Brooke and Karen. And he still can't believe that his dad didn't even show up at the hospital to show his support.

-------

_Some people live for the fortune  
Some people live just for the fame  
Some people live for the power,  
Some people live just to play the game_

_  
Some people think that the physical things define what's within  
but I've been there before  
that life's a bore  
So full of the superficial_

When Lucas wakes up later the room is empty. He has no idea what time it is but its dark around him so he figures that it's still the same evening. He quickly registers that Brooke isn't next to him anymore but through the slightly open door he can see his mother.

He feels tired but the pain in his chest has lessened and the tightness in his throat is gone. Carefully he pulls the oxygen nasal-tube out of his nose and sits up.

"Mom…"

Karen turns and comes into the room. And she smiles a tired smile towards him.

"Nice to see you awake again son… Feeling better?"

"Yeah. Mom, where's Brooke?"

His mother laughs and sits down on his bedside, stroking him gently over the hair as if he was five years old.

"I sent her home with Haley and Nathan an hour ago. She fell asleep next to you and I figured that she needed someone to take care of her after that little breakdown…"

He knows she's right but he wishes they had just let Brooke stay with him. After more than a month of sleeping in the same bed with her every night, it just feels weird to sleep without her. And he worries for her. She had been so upset.

"What did the doctor say?" he asks to think of something else.

"He told me that the test-results showed that you didn't have a heart-attack after all. Apparently what you have is some kind of inflammation of the heart muscle…" She looks confused and her forehead wrinkles as if she's trying to remember exactly what the doctor had said. He takes her hand.

"It's alright mom. He can just tell me when he comes back. But I would love something to eat…I'm starving."

Clearly relieved that he asks for something she can fix, his mom stands up and once again runs her fingers through his hair.

"I'll get you something good. And Luke… You really need a hair cut."

He raises an eyebrow. "That's what Brooke says too. What's wrong with my hair!?"

His mom laughs at this and walks towards the door. "Well my future daughter in law and I agree on many things…you're hair just being one of them. It's way to long son, you look ridiculous…"

When she reaches the door she stops and looks back.

"And don't worry about Brooke, Luke. She was just really scared for you. And you and I both know that she wasn't angry, she just reacted to the stress of having you unwell…"

He leans back towards the pillows and sighs. Yes, Brooke sure had reacted. She had gone ballistic. When she calmed down a bit from the initial crying he had come clean about not taking the medicine. He felt like there shouldn't be anymore lies between them and even though he knew she would be angry, he needed to get it off his chest. She had screamed at him for being a self-centered asshole, before resorting back to tears. But then after crying hysterically for twenty minutes more, she had resolutely climbed into his bed and refused to take her hand away from his chest.

"_I need to feel your heartbeat…"_

_Her voice was raw from crying and it was the first thing she said to him after all the initial yelling. Somewhere between everything else she had screamed at him she swore she would never talk to him again._

"_So you're talking to me now?" he asked softly, smiling down on her tearstained face. She nuzzled her face into his neck and he could feel her breath on his skin._

"_No."_

"_Okay baby…" he whispered and stroked her back with the hand that wasn't connected to the IV-pole. "Just let me know when you do. I have some things I want to talk to you about…"_

_She nodded and he closed his eyes. His chest hurt and he felt so tired but it was nice to feel Brooke's body close to his. He always felt better with her at his side. And then he finally remembered._

"_Has the baby kicked again?" he asked softly and lifted his head so that he could look at her, but her eyes were shut. When she didn't answer he said her name, but she just kept breathing calmly and he realized that she had gone to sleep._

_And resting back, he felt himself drift off too. _

The door opens and breaks his line of thoughts. He is sure that it's his mother coming back but when he looks up it's a doctor. He repositions himself and the doctor smiles.

"Hi Lucas, I'm Dr. Brown. Your mom asked me to come in and talk to you. I hear you had some questions."

"Yeah… Well I guess I just want to know what happened."

Actually he doesn't. He's tired of thinking of what consequences his actions could have had. And it killed him to think that he had let Dan get to him so much that he had jeopardized his life with Brooke for a stupid State Final. But the doctor doesn't seem to notice his uninterested look.

"I guess that you are aware that your HCMis characterized by an idiopathic left ventricular posterior wall and interventricular septal concentric hypertrophy. In short..this means that the walls of the left side's pumping chamber of the heart becomes very thickened and the lumen of this chamber becomes very tiny. This causes ventricular dysfunction, primarily during the filling phase of the heart beat."

Lucas doesn't really understand but he nods anyway and the doctor smiles.

"Okay, I know all off this sounds really complicated, but when you don't take your medicine, then this thickening makes it hard for the heart to fill up with blood."

The doctor pulls out his chart from the bottom of the bed. "What happened tonight could in short be explained like a light form of a heart-attack, but in reality you were very lucky. Hadn't you taken any of your medication you could have done much more damage to your heart."

Scribbling down some notes on the chart, the doctor is silent for a moment before continuing.

"I hear you play basketball. Have you had extra practices lately? Or any other type of stress or exertion? Your mother told me that you had a cold during the last week and besides from your HCM, working out with an infection in your body can also trigger an inflammation of the heart muscle…"

But by now Lucas has stopped listening. He just wants to talk to Brooke, but she was probably sleeping right now.

---------------------------------------

Haley wakes up when the bedroom door opens and she sees Brooke sneak into the room and tip-toe over to Nathan's side of the bed. She seems to be looking for something.

"What are you doing Tigger?" she whispers and rubs the sleep out of her eyes.

"Where are the car-keys? I'm going back to the hospital…"

Brooke searches the pockets of Nathan's jeans that has been dumped on the floor and Haley hears her husband slur tiredly as he buries his head in the pillow. "What? B, it's four o'clock in the morning… Go back to sleep…"

"Shut up Nate."

There is no anger in Brooke's voice, just strength, and Haley smiles. Here is the famous Brooke Davis-strength that has been missing all evening. In the corner of her eye she can see Nathan smiling too.

"Come on Brooke, you can't go to see Lucas now" she says softly. "I bet he's sleeping. We'll all go in a couple of hours." But Brooke doesn't budge.

"I can drive there myself if you just tell me where the car-keys are. I can't believe that you took me out of there while I was sleeping… He can't be there alone."

She looks inside the drawer of the nightstand now and Haley has given up on the thought of sleeping. Nathan raises himself so that he's leaning on his elbow and she strokes his back while watching Brooke.

"Do you even know the word 'no' or has Luke spoilt you so bad that you actually forgot?" her husband says, and she knows he has given up too. Brooke is going to keep looking for the keys until she finds them, and if she doesn't she'll probably walk.

She looks like a stubborn child in the way she leans to the door-post, arms crossed over her chest. It's clear that she's getting ready to pout.

And when Nathan sits up and tiredly says: "Whatever… I'll drive you…" Haley can't help but laugh and Nathan gives her a meaning look.

"What Hales? You know she'll never give up. Just go back to sleep, I'll be back as soon as I've dropped her off."

He gets out of bed and for the first time since the game, Haley sees Brooke smiling. Her brunette friend walks round the bed and sits next to her while Nathan shuffles off to get dressed.

"I'm sorry for waking you Tutor-wife, but I really can't sleep without him and I might as well keep Karen company. But thanks for letting me crash here…"

They hug and Haley laughs as her bigger belly and Brooke's little 'bump' touch. Brooke raises an eyebrow curiously.

"I wonder how we'll do this in a couple of months?" she says. "We'll probably have to resort to Nate's and Lucas' knuckle-clashing thing…"

------

The roads are empty at this hour and Brooke sits silently in the car and looks out trough the window. She feels a bit bad for pulling Nathan out of bed like this, but they shouldn't have taken her away from Lucas in the first place. Couldn't they have realized that she wanted, _needed_, to be at his side?

Haley had told her that Lucas was out of danger, but that didn't keep her from missing him. And since she had pretty much just yelled at him, she needs to let him know how extremely thankful she is that he is alright and alive.

Nathan pats her knee and she looks up at him with a weak smile.

"Don't worry so much Davis… Luke is okay."

"Yeah… this whole thing just brings back so many memories… I can't believe that it's more than a year since his car-accident…"

She shudders when she thinks about all those hours that she spent in the hospital back then, holding his hand and talking to him although she hadn't even been sure that he could hear her. And during all that time he had wanted someone else…

"I saw you talking to Peyton earlier in the waiting-room" Nathan says, as if reading her thoughts. "Are you guys getting back to being friends again?"

Brooke frowns. Had she talked to Peyton? She doesn't really remember. The hours between the final buzzer of the game and the moment she saw Lucas awake is just a hazy blur in her mind.

"I don't know… maybe…"

They park outside the hospital and Nathan looks at her. His eyes seem searching, as if he wants to know if she is okay, and she leans over and kisses his cheek.

"Go home to Haley, Nathan. I'll manage from here" she says and opens the car-door. He nods and she waves at him as he drives off. Alone on the parking lot she suddenly feels a little stupid for coming here at 4.30 in the morning but she heads inside and takes the elevator up to the third floor.

She tip-toes down the silent corridors, aware of the fact that there is no such thing as visiting-hour at this time of night, and when she finds his room she slips in as silently as she can.

She has expected to see Karen in there, sleeping in a chair by Lucas' bed, but there's no sight of her boyfriends mother. Reoccurring beeping-noises comes from a cardio-monitor right next to the bed and the sound is calming in a strange way, since the steady rhythm tells her that Lucas heart is beating.

He looks really peaceful sleeping, and the color is back on his cheeks. She walks up to him and strokes him over the much too long hair. She likes it better short, like he had it when he came back from Charlotte, but for some reason unknown to the world he has refused to cut it lately.

"I'm not going to prom with you looking like this" she whispers and then all of a sudden he opens those beautiful blue eyes and looks at her.

"Why?"

His voice is sleepy and she leans down and presses her lips against his in a soft but long kiss. He makes an 'mmm'-sound and she smiles into the kiss and cradles his face between her hands.

"Because you look like an idiot with your hair like that" she answers honestly and he laughs. It's good to hear him laugh and her heavy load of worry lessens a little. And when he reaches for her and pulls her down on the bed, it lessens even more.

"Jeez… have you and my mom teamed up on this hair-thing? What's wrong with a little change, huh?"

"Oh, change can be very good babe…" she mumbles, getting under the cover with him, "but this is not a good change, so you need to _change_ it back…"

He laughs again and she snuggles up beside him in the not so big hospital bed. He wraps his arms around her before kissing her forehead. He seems sleepy and she doesn't want to keep him from resting, but she needs him to know.

"I'm sorry for screaming at you earlier…" she whispers. "I really shouldn't have done that. You couldn't help what happened…"

He holds her a little closer.

"Yes I could. I shouldn't have risked my health for a game. And don't apologize Brooke… you were just scared. I know how you felt, I was the one freaking out in this hospital not so long ago, remember?"

"Yeah, but you didn't scream at me and leave me here alone… I'm sorry I left you here but they kidnapped me when I was sleeping…"

She still has her palm on his cheek and she can feel him smiling into her hand. "I know pretty girl. Mom told me before I sent her home… and you should have stayed at Nathan and Haley's. I don't want you running around town at this time of night."

"But I missed you…" she whispers, feeling sleepy now too. "I needed to make sure that you were safe. I've had these nightmares lately… of you…"

She sighs. "I just kept dreaming that you would die and leave me and the baby… and tonight when you collapsed I thought that they were maybe a premonition or something…"

The beeping sound from the machine is almost hypnotizing, and that together with the feel of Lucas' fingers stroking her upper arm makes it really hard to keep her eyes open.

"I wouldn't dream of leaving you or the baby Brooke. If you don't trust anything else that I tell you, then at least trust that."

She laces her fingers with his, careful to not tangle herself in the line to his IV, and she moves his hand down to her belly. Her sweater has slid up a little and she places his palm on her naked skin.

"Feel…" she says in a hushed voice.

She's not sure if he can feel what she's feeling but she hopes that he can. The baby is moving around inside her and the movements feels like big butterflies bumping into the walls of her insides.

First Lucas says nothing and it's so quiet that she figures that he's holding his breath. But then he inhales, deeply.

"God Brooke! Was that the baby?"

His eyes looking at her in the darkness are huge and she giggles.

"Yeah, can you feel it?"

It kicks again and he laughs. "This is amazing…" His voice is thick with emotion and she tilts her head up and kisses him. He keeps his hand on her skin and she closes her eyes.

"I love you Lucas Scott… but if you ever scare me again like you did today, then I will kill you… For sure."

"I won't Brooke. I promised you a happy fairytale-ending, remember?"

She nods and they are both silent for a while. She even thinks that he has fallen asleep but then he talks again.

"Were you serious with what you said before Brooke?"

She tries to think of what he means but nothing comes to mind. "About what baby?"

"About not going to Prom with me if I don't cut my hair?"

She wants to laugh out loud, especially since he sounds really worried and there are so many more important things for him to worry about right now, but she manages to keep a straight face.

"Dead serious Broody… the picture is going into the year-book and I can't be seen with you looking like that."

He sighs. "Then I guess I just have to cut it."

_Oh, ooh, so nothing in this whole  
wide world don't mean a thing_

_If I ain't got you with me baby_

-

* * *

**Author's note**: So this basically became a straight up hospital-chapter… (sorry) But that will all be over in the next one. :) Next doctor's appointment coming up soon… I bet you're dying to know if it's a boy or a girl.

**THANK YOU's**

**pOoLbEeRtAtToOs: **Do you still want to kick my ass? I'm hoping not and sticking to your words "what Brucas-fan wouldn't absolutely fall in love with this story?" Aww… You ALWAYS make my day. I'm sorry that there were so little Brachel in this chapter but I'll be sure to give you some Brucasel-time soon LOL. And you're soo right about how Lucas not taking his pills is over-played here on but I can't always have Brooke in the center of universe ;).  
Marin, please tell me what you think of this chapter… I'm dying to know!

**jeytonbrucasnaley: **LOL, watch your language! (just kidding). You shouldn't read ahead, lol, I do that all the time and it ruins the experience. But I hear you girl. It's a hard habit to kick :)  
I just want to tell you that I'm going to review "The one you love will make you weep" as soon as I've gotten over the angriness from 4.14… I want to give you a great review but you story just has me crying too much to write…

**B.Davis: **Lol. I bet you wondered where the stuff from the 'cingular clip' went. Well, as I said, since ff was being a "Peyton" and wouldn't let me upload, I had to make the chapter shorter… It'll be in chapter 23 instead. And this time you're not as spoiled as the last chapter so go ahead and tell me what you think. ;)

**Katie: **He didn't die. Lol. And I hope the reunion was good so far and not too cheesy for you…  
Thanks for the nice words.

**Brucas3: **Glad you like the basketball. And about the Breyton-friendship… I wanted them to be friends again but Peyton in the actual show just kept getting me SO angry so that when I sat down to write, I just had this hate towards her… LOL. But I'm trying…

**BrownEyes1980: **I loved the review. I'm always happy to hear that I captured BL in a good way. I wish I could have brought you a happier chapter after the crap on 4.14 but the next chapter is an almost Love-fest ;)

**crazybrunette113, Brucas141: **Brilliant? Awsome? (blushing) Aww… thank you!

**truelovedoesnotexist**: Shel, thanks! And I agree. What is a story without some drama? But Mark is seriously overdoing things this season, right? LOL

**Eemah: **You're reviews make me sooo happy. And I thought that you said that you weren't the crying-type of person ;)

**Treehilldreams**: Thank you! I used to play too when I was younger, but it's really hard to write it down without having it be really boring…

**Broody-n-Cheery-4Ever**: Britt, your review was great! And since you love hospital-scenes you have to tell me what you thought about the ones in this chapter. :) When are you updating your story again?

**Awhero:** Thanks for both this review and the earlier ones! Welcome to the story! LOL "impending sense of doom" I LOVE THAT! Lol

**Snowbabie**: The fact that you think I'm bringing out sides of the characters that seem hidden in the show really warms my heart! (blushing) Welcome to the story!

**B&Lforever: **A late happy birthday to you and I hope that you got back to LA. I'll check out that "Wildfire"-thing for sure. Thanks for the great review!

**Sav**: You're so sweet. You'll have to wait a little longer for the info on the collage-thing though ;)

**Cyn**: No short story here… LOL Don't you know me by now? wink

**CC**, **, Dolcegrazia, Born.To.Die, Tardychick, othrox, Naley4ever323, TreeHillRaven4Life, Brookeleighgilmore**, **trhill4life, grooveijj-othfan88, CC, redboomcat, catcat51092: **A huge thank you to all of you!!


	23. A Place In This World

**Author's note: **New chapter and I should probably say that there has been a little further apart between the updates just because Mark gets my so angry… anyway, the title is from a song by Taylor Swift.

A big thank you to all the girls from the Spoiler-thread on FF. You know who you are. LOL

-------------------

* * *

**CHAPTER 23 – A Place In This World**

_I don't know what I want  
So don't ask me cause I'm still trying to figure it out  
Don't know what's down this road  
I'm just walking trying to see through the rain coming down  
Even though I'm not the only one who feels the way I do_

It's a clear and sunny day and Brooke and Rachel sit at the tables in the schoolyard, enjoying the spring's warm sunlight. Brooke keeps glancing over at her cell phone on bench beside her and Rachel playfully shoves her.

"You're waiting for a booty-call, slut? You've been eyeing that phone for the entire lunch break. What's up with that?"

Brooke laughs and stretches out her legs in front of her. Lucas had a doctor's appointment at 11 o'clock and actually she's just waiting for him to tell her how it went. He had promised to call her as soon as he came back home and as usual, her patience is next to non-existent.

Her boyfriend has been home now for a couple of days, after spending four days in the cardio-ward, but he's yet to come back to school, and she misses him during the daytime. If it wasn't for Karen, she would probably have stayed home with him. But as she corrects her sunglasses on the bridge of her nose she decides to tell Rachel none of this. What was wrong with having a little harmless fun?

"Actually I'm waiting for Josh to call me… You know that new guy on the football team."

She smiles innocently and picks a little piece of imaginary lint from her tight tank top. Rachel raises an eyebrow in confusion.

"The hottie in the offensive line-up? The tall dark guy with the amazing abs? Why would _he_ be calling _you_?"

"He wants to get with me of course" she smirks. "And since Lucas is pretty much useless at the moment…"

"Come on Brooke! You can't date when you're four and a half months pregnant!?! Besides, you and Lucas are practically engaged for crying out loud!!"

Rachel looks completely shocked and Brooke manages to keep a straight face, while inwardly congratulating herself for her acting-skills. Her drama-class in freshman year seemed to have paid off. She quirks her eyebrow over the rim of her sunglasses and smiles even brighter.

"I'm not _that_ much of a slut, Rach! I'm not planning on sleeping with Josh, just to make out a little…"

By now her redheaded friend's jaw practically hits the ground and Brooke bursts out in a giggling fit. But somewhere deep inside, she is actually a little annoyed. This thing with people telling her what she can and can not do because she is pregnant is starting to really get to her. Of course she would never go behind Lucas' back, but that is because she loves him. Even so, she kind of misses being able to be her old self. She misses being spontaneous and fun.

Rachel shoves her again, finally catching on that Brooke is just joking, and then she starts laughing too.

"God, Brooke! For a second there I really thought you were serious!"

Rolling her eyes, Brooke shoves Rachel back.

"Bitch pleeease… Like I would ever cheat on Lucas?! I'm not Peyton!"

They laugh at this statement and they watch as Mouth walks by with Gigi on his arm. They both wave at him and Brooke smiles about the fact that he looks happy. Gigi is a goofball at times but she seems to be good for Mouth and Brooke wants happiness for him. After all, wonderful guys like Mouth didn't really grow on trees.

"Do you think that they've done it yet?" she asks Rachel when the couple disappears around the corner of the building, and Rachel shrugs.

"I wouldn't know…"

She's a little surprised by the sullenness in Rachel's voice. It actually sounds like Rachel is a little jealous. "That's weird" she thinks, but then her phone goes off, happily playing the Beyonce-ringtone that tells her that it's Lucas.

"Hey babe" she says into the phone and sighs with relief on the inside when she hears that he sounds happy. "Did everything go alright?"

She doesn't worry about him every second anymore, at least not like she did the first couple of days after the State Championship. Once the doctor told them that he hadn't done any long-term damage to his heart, she slept a little easier at night, and when he was released to go home, she actually felt okay with leaving him alone short periods of time. But there is so much else on her mind, and the thought of him being sick just ads on to the pressure.

She listens as he re-caps the information from the doctor and while he playfully complains of his mother's way of pampering him, and then she promises him to get home as soon as possible.

"I love you…" she mumbles before she clicks the phone shut and Rachel makes a gagging sound.

"Jeez… you guys are so cheesy. Just kill me already! Or even better, why don't the two of you just run off and get married!"

Brooke shoots her a disbelieving look and gets to her feet. "You have to be joking Rachel…" she says as she picks up her tray to get back in before class starts. "First: I'm not getting married in Highschool _or_ in Collage for that matter! Second: I would never elope. I'm having a huge wedding, HUGE! And third: Do you _ever_ think that I would get married with this belly?"

Rachel gives her a look saying 'can you never be serious?' but Brooke shrugs it off. She doesn't need this underlying moral-speech from Rachel as well because Haley sure gives her enough of those. And walking over to the entrance, she pats the roundness at her midsection and rolls her eyes at Rachel's stupidness. Like she would ever fit this 'bump' into a designer-labeled wedding-dress…

"Come on redhead!" she shouts back. "We'll be late for Trig and I need your notes!"

_I'm alone, on my own and I'm starting off  
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh, but life goes on  
Oh, I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world_

----------------------

At the same time, Nathan walks in through Lucas' backdoor and finds his big brother by the desk behind his laptop. He throws the backpack on the floor and walks in. The room looks so different since Brooke moved in and he smirks when seeing the pink and purple cushions placed on top of the bedspread and the piles of designer clothes Brooke seems to have left everywhere.

Lucas hasn't noticed him yet, he's busy with typing commands on the computer, and Nathan clears his throat before saying;

"Hey Luke."

Lucas jumps a little in the chair by the sound and pulls a hand through his hair.

"Hey Nate… cutting class?"

"Nah, I had a meeting with the scout from Duke. You know, to get everything settled for the fall… Haley decided she wanted to go, but I guess you've heard that."

Lucas nods but Nathan thinks that he seems a little off.

"So how are you doing man? Feeling better?"

Actually he already knows that Lucas is okay, because Brooke won't stop talking about it in school, but seeing the creases on his brother's forehead makes him wonder if there's something else on his brothers mind than the resent hospital-stay. Lucas shuts the laptop closed and sighs.

"Yeah, I'm alright… I was just researching about HCM. See, the doctor told me today that the baby might have it. It's a fifty-fifty shot as you already know…" He scratches his head and the creases deepen even more. "I guess I just didn't think about the possibility of me passing it on to my child."

And as he gets up from the chair and walks towards the kitchen, he says; "Brooke is going to flip out…"

Nathan follows him, and after Lucas has taken out a couple of sodas from the fridge they both sit down at the kitchen table. Nathan opens the can of grape-soda and looks at Lucas.

"Don't worry, bro. Brooke knows that it's genetic and she wouldn't blame you if it turns out the kid has it. Either way, you don't know yet so there's no need to get all tweaked about it before you know, right?"

"True Nate, but still… I'm just so worried about everything surrounding her and the baby. I don't get it, Brooke seems so untouched by this whole pregnancy-thing, kind of like she still isn't realizing that it's for real, and I'm starting to worry that it will all come as a shock for her when she does."

Laughing, Nathan thinks that with him and Haley it's kind of the opposite. Haley is on top of everything, knitting little sweaters, stacking up on baby-furniture and reading books about childbirth. He himself just still tries to process the thought of becoming a father. In less than four months he would have two little guys that needed him and Haley for everything, and thinking about it is scary since he hardly can take care of himself. But still he can't stop thinking that Lucas worries too much about Brooke. The little brunette whirl-wind is hell of a lot smarter than people seem to realize. Sure, Brooke might not have digested the prospect of becoming a mother fully, but Nathan is almost sure that she would be a natural once the day came. She had after all raised herself most of her life so why wouldn't she be able to raise a kid?

"She'll be good" he says smiling. "You know Brookie, that's her normal way of dealing with things… Annoyingly cheery and strong as hell. I bet she's just as nervous as you Luke. She's just better at covering it up." He takes a swig at the soda. "By the way, Haley asked me to tell you and Brooke that she has booked us into this parenting-class and if you want to come, you should tell her before Friday."

Lucas seems to think about it for a second before saying;

"Sure… but… what is a 'parenting-class' by the way?"

Both Nathan and Lucas look at each other in confusion. And after a few seconds they start to laugh and Nathan manages to cough out; "I have no fucking idea..."

-------------------------

When Brooke gets home from school she finds Lucas in his room reading. She crawls over on the bed and kneels behind him, her thighs on either side of his back. She looks over his shoulder, resting her chin on it.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm just trying to read up on this pregnancy-thing. I feel like there's so much that I don't know…"

She smiles and plays with the collar of his shirt, sliding her fingers under the fabric and stroking the skin of his neck. Thinking that her boyfriend is just an incorrigible bookworm.

"So are you learning anything interesting?"

"Actually yes" he says and grabs her hand, kissing her palm softly without taking his eyes from the book. "It says here that our baby is approximately 5 1/2 inches long from head to bottom, about the length of a large sweet potato, and it weighs almost 7 ounces. It's busy flexing the arms and legs, that's why you're noticing the kicking more and more… And the blood vessels are actually visible through the skin…

"Really?"

They sit quiet for a while and Lucas keeps on reading silently, but finally the curiosity gets the best of her. She hasn't been that keen on digging too deep into the technical stuff surrounding her pregnancy, not since all the changes in her body somewhat freaks her out. But seeing Lucas so absorbed in the book, she suddenly wants to know more.

"Does it say when we'll be able to find out the sex of the baby?" she asks, leaning even more over his shoulder.

"Yes, hold on... According to this…" he says and flips the books pages until he finds the right one. "…the doctor should be able to see it on the sonogram at your appointment tomorrow."

"Oh, cool…"

Her cheek is pressed against Lucas' and she can feel him smiling at her faked nonchalance.

Feeling more and more amazed she looks at the pictures of fetuses in different stages of development. And she wraps her arms tighter around Lucas' neck as he reads to her about the baby being able to hear their voices by now and about it already having formed eyelashes.

But when he turns the page, she reaches over and closes the book before climbing over to sit on his lap.

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" she asks and locks her eyes with his. "Don't lie…"

He kisses her and a smile plays at the corners of his mouth. She is sure that he's going to make fun of her or try to squirm out of the question, but then he get's serious.

"I want a girl… and I want her to be just like you."

Surprised she raises an eyebrow at this. "But I thought you wanted a boy… You know so you could teach him basketball and all that…"

"Uh-uh. I can teach a girl to do that too… But I just think it would be so great to have a girl who's is as happy and energetic as you are. Dark brown hair, green eyes… little dimples…"

She laughs while making a face. "No, not the dimples Luke, I hate them! Do you know that they are actually a deformity?"

He, in turn, makes a face as if he thinks that she's crazy and she continues. "Seriously. They're like holes in the cheeks muscle-tissue or something… I swear! Everybody's like: 'Oh my god! Your dimples are so cute', but I'm actually walking around with _holes_ in my face."

"God, the horror Brooke" he says mocking her. "Well, I love them regardless… My pretty, deformed girl."

She can't hold back and the laughter bubbles up inside her. She slaps him playfully, saying; "Hey! Kiss my ass!" and he smirks.

"Oh… believe me, I plan to."

She laughs out loud now and she lets him wrestle her down on the bed while kissing her everywhere. She knows he's still weak and that exertion is bad for him, but making out a little couldn't hurt, right? The doctor had said 'no basketball for a month' but he hadn't said anything about sex… Then again, she probably needs to save the sex-part as a bribe for later since she has decided that tonight is the night she's going to bring out the scissors.

Her fingers find their way up to his hair and grabbing it to pull him down for a deep kiss she whispers with a husky voice;

"This, gorgeous, this is being cut off tonight…"

--------------------------------

It's a little after nine and Lucas stuffs the dinner-plates into the dishwasher and dries off his hands on the kitchen-towel before walking into his bedroom. His mom is at some kind of pregnancy-yoga class that Brooke had booked her into and the house is calmingly quiet. Brooke is in the shower and for a second he thinks about joining her, but however tempting it is, he has lots of homework that he has to finish. Brooke brought back assignments every day and even though he has all the time to do his homework, he hasn't gotten his mind around it. During the days he has his plate full with thinking about present and future and going to his cardio-appointments. During the evenings and nights he doesn't want to do anything else then being with Brooke.

So now he sits down on the chair by his desk and picks up his calculus-book. Flipping through the pages he thinks about what Nathan had said earlier. About Brooke being stronger than he thinks… Nathan was right of course, but his brother hadn't been around Brooke the first days after his collapse. Nathan hadn't seen the pale and stressed-out Brooke hovering over his hospital-bed with her otherwise smiling lips pressed together in a tight line. But Lucas had, and he knows that Brooke must be covering up all her feelings of stress just because she doesn't want him worried. She seems cheery and confident when she gets home from school in the afternoons, but Haley called him the other day and told him that Brooke behaved totally different in school. There she was apparently cranky, tired and spaced out. And obviously not at all interested in talking about her pregnancy.

Today, when she came home from school and found him with the book; that had been the first time that Brooke had initiated a conversation about their baby. And even thoug she had seemed happy to look into the book with him, she had resorted to making out with him before the conversation became too serious and made him forget about all the things he wanted to talk about. The HCM, the collage acceptance letters in his desk-drawer, the total absence of acceptance-letters addressed to Brooke…

He starts solving the calculus-problems and when Brooke comes out of the shower, with her wet hair tied up in a bun on top of her head, he again realizes why he always seems to forget everything bad when she is around him.

"God, you're beautiful Brooke…"

She smiles, and coming around behind his back, she slides her hand through his hair.

"I know you think that this 'longer' hair is making you look a little more dangerous, but let me tell you Luke, you're _soo_ wrong" she says playfully, stressing the word 'so'. "You look like one of the members from The Beatles…"

Her hand glides down his neck and stop at his shoulder before she lithely lets one leg slide over his lap so that she's straddling him, and she cups his face between her palms. He shivers by her touch.

"…And let me tell you" she continues, "the other day when you were wearing that weird army-green jacket, you kind of reminded me of Peyton. And see, that's not a good thing boyfriend, because even though she used to be my best friend and she is kind of good looking, she's really _not_ my type… Honestly…"

He laughs. "I get it baby. You don't like my hair…"

"No I don't, but I like _you_."

Reaching down she grabs the hem of his t-shirt and pulls it up over his head. Her eyes glimmer in a way that screams 'want', and he can't help but to reach for her and pull her in for a kiss. The perfect bump and slant of her lips meets his and for the thousand time he thinks that it's weird that the feeling of kissing her never lessens. Every time their lips meet and her tongue finds his, he has this almost mind-boggling experience that makes him lose his breath and his heart race.

"You just _like_ me?" he manages to get out between the kisses. "How unfair is that, since I _love_ you…"

It's hard to concentrate on anything with her hands stroking the now naked skin of his upper body, but she smiles into the next kiss before pulling back.

"Maybe you'll grow on me once this awful hair is gone baby…"

Her voice is husky but still full of laughter, and she stands up, leaving him to groan at the loss of her body on top of his. He reaches out for her but she neatly sidesteps him and disappears back into the bathroom.

He's not stupid, he knows what she's up to and he closes the calculus-book again. This whole little seducing-thing she has going on right now is only to make him subdued enough so that he won't argue the hair-cutting about to take place. And smiling he thinks that he wouldn't have anyway. If she likes his hair better short than so be it. It's no big deal for him, and he will do anything to make her happy. Anything.

Then she returns with a towel and a pair of scissors, giggling like an eleven year old girl. She's wearing a pair of tiny shorts that he knows she used to wear at practice, and a sweater he vaguely remembers is his own. She's barefoot and without any make-up and she is just the most gorgeous thing he has ever seen.

She drapes the towel over his shoulders and he lazily strokes his hand up one of her soft and slender thighs, feeling her shiver a bit under his touch.

"Hey mister…" she laughs. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. I'm holding sharp objects here and if you keep touching me like that I might accidentally cut off your ear or something."

He closes his eyes when she combs through his hair with her fingers and then he hears the clicking sound of the scissors.

"Tell me Brooke, have you ever cut someone's hair before?"

Her voice is secure when she answers. "Sure. I used to cut Nathan's hair when he and Peyton were dating. He wouldn't let Peyton come near him with the scissors since their relationship was pretty much a mutual death-wish…"

"Oh, well that explains why he always used to look like a moron…"

"Shut up!" she laughs and he reaches his arm around the back of the chair to touch her legs again. The feel of her naked skin is almost intoxicating. And she bends down and kisses his neck before starting to cut the hair in the back.

He knows he needs to talk to her about all that's on his mind but at this exact moment, nothing seems to be important other then the feeling of her hands.

"How short are you cutting it?" he mumbles lazily.

"Really short. I'm thinking that it's the smart thing to do since I don't know when you'll let me do this again. I'm actually thinking of just shaving it off like two inches long, after I cut off the worst part…"

"And what do I get in return for being nice and letting you do this?"

Brooke stops cutting for a moment and seems to ponder the question.

"Well, I can't offer you sex since I'm planning on giving you that anyway… but I guess I could give you three free questions…"

He involuntarily raises an eyebrow. "Like three 'truth-questions'? And I can ask you anything?"

"Yup."

He thinks for a couple of seconds while she keeps on cutting. The house is quiet and the only sound that's heard is the sound of the metal clipping his hair.

"Okay, first question…" he says. "Do you worry about all of this Brooke? I mean about the baby and stuff…"

She stops cutting for a moment. "Of course I do. I just don't dwell over it, over and over like you do. I think it's easier to take the day as it comes…"

Her free hand brushes away some hair-clippings from his shoulder and he thinks that he hears an emptiness in her voice, telling him that it's more to this than she lets on. And he reaches up and squeezes her hand for a moment, hoping to transfer some reassurance.

"I know that you'll make a perfect dad Broody… that's all that is important for me right now. That and the fact that you feel better… I'm still kind of worried about you, you know…"

He want's her to develop her answer further but at the same time he doesn't want to stress it and take away the easiness in their conversation.

"Two then" he says instead as she goes to get the razor-machine. "Do you want to go to a parenting-class with Nathan and Haley?"

"A what?" she asks laughing. "Don't tell me Tudor-wife has found us yet another way of studying…"

He laughs too. "Try to be serious Brooke! Nathan told me today and I don't even know what it is. But apparently Haley want's us all to go together. I think it's supposed to teach you breathing-techniques and stuff like that."

Brooke turns on the machine and carefully runs it over his head. "I don't know about you, but I'm breathing just fine without any class… If Haley want's us to hang out, can't we just do it like an ordinary double-date? Go to a movie or something? Why does everything she does nowadays have to be baby-related?"

She actually sound a little annoyed and he sighs. "But Brooke… maybe it could be good. I really don't know anything about babies…"

In the corner of his eye he sees her shrug her shoulders. "Whatever…" she mumbles. "I don't want to go, but if you do I guess I have to…"

Realizing that he's pissing her of with this he doesn't answer and she continues. "I gave you three questions. Three truth-questions that you could use for anything, and you use two of them on stuff you can ask me anytime? What's wrong with you people? Even Rachel starts to obsess about how I'm supposed to act…"

They stay silent after that for a couple of minutes while she finishes cutting his hair and he sits still, thinking that it's probably not so intelligent to keep this up when she's holding a razor-machine so close to his head.

He waits as she grabs the towel and runs it over his head a couple of times to get rid of any hair-residue. Then she comes around the chair and inspects her 'work' intently. A smile develops on her face and he takes that as a sign that she is satisfied.

"And last question then… and I need a serious answer this time" he says, hoping she has calmed down somewhat. She sits down on his lap.

"Okay, shoot…"

"Do you think I'm good in bed?"

She throws her head back in laughter before pulling him in for a deep kiss and he grips her sides to get her even closer to him, glad that the tense feeling in the room is lifted again.

When they finally come up for air, she is still giggling.

"I'd say that 'this' is a pretty good evidence of that" she says and points at her rounded belly. "I used to be the queen of protected sex before I met you… but when you touch me, I just forget everything…"

She suddenly seems a little shy and he finds the vague blushing high on her cheeks completely adorable.

"I'm serious Luke… it's been almost two years since we slept together the first time and I still shiver every time you touch my skin… I would think that answers your question."

A corny sense of proudness fills him and he smiles. Brooke bits her lower lip in that sexy way he is so used to and tilts her head to the side, allowing him to kiss her neck. And her raspy voice is like music in his ears when she leans in and whispers;

"But if you want, you can always prove to me again how good you are…"

-------------------------------

_Feeling luck today, got the sunshine  
Can you tell me what more do I need  
And tomorrow's just a mystery  
Oh, yeah, but that's okay_

The next morning Brooke wakes up to the sound of birds chirping outside the window. She turns and snuggles up to Lucas who is still sleeping.

"Good morning handsome…" she says softly and kisses his forehead.

He looks like 'her Luke' again with the hair short, and when he opens those gorgeous blue eyes and smiles, life feels better than in a long time.

Her body still remembers last night's events and for a moment she's thinking about having a re-run of that, but then the alarm-clock goes off. Lucas hurriedly turns it off and kisses her.

"Get into the shower baby" he says. "I'll go and make us some breakfast."

She does as she's told and for once she is exited at the thought of leaving the house before eight o'clock in the morning. They are going to the doctor and if Lucas was right yesterday, then today is the day that she will find out if the 'thing' inside of her is a boy or a girl.

The shower is refreshing and afterwards, when she has dried herself off and pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, she heads out into the kitchen to find Karen at the table reading the paper.

"Hey Karen" she says with a cheery voice and Lucas' mother smiles.

"Someone is unusually cheery this morning… Are you exited about today's ultrasound?"

"Yeah I am… and Lucas is coming to school today so it's a great day."

Brooke pours herself a cup of coffee and sits down too. Lucas walks by, placing a plate of toast in front of her and kisses the top of her head before heading in to shower and change.

She takes a bite of the toast and makes a disgusted face. "Eww… Lucas!" she then shouts, "it's strawberry jam on this!"

She hears him shout back an apology and Karen just laughs and switches Brooke's plate with her own. "This cheese-one is probably yours."

The last week she has for some reason hated everything sweet and she looks at Karen thankfully. "Sorry…"

"It's fine Brooke. Just look after my son today. Make sure he doesn't over-do things, okay?"

----

Twenty minutes later they pull up outside the doctor's office and she skips out of the car. She's feeling great. Lucas seems rested and happy and she grabs his hand.

They walk into the lobby and it's just a few minutes before they're called in by the nurse.

Dr. Johnson greets them at the door to the examining room and she smiles warmly towards him. She likes the elderly man and she's seen a lot of him lately.

"Hi Brooke, Lucas…" he says. "How are you today?"

"We're good! Lucas is all better too now and I feel great."

She answers happily for the both of them and Lucas laughs. They sit down across from the man and the usual questions are being asked. Have you had any backpains? Are you gaining weight like you're supposed to? Any nausea or craving? Itchiness or bleeding? God, she could probably answer them all when sleeping by now.

Then it's time for her blood-pressure to be measured and Dr. Johnson blabbers on about his grandchildren while checking her hormone levels and tape-measuring her belly.

And then finally he asks her to lay down on the bed and he pulls the sonogram-machine towards him. She looks up at Lucas who looks about to burst with exitement. They had decided that they wanted to know, especially since Haley and Nathan now knew they were expecting two boys. The only one who wanted her baby's sex to be a surprise was Karen and Brooke can't for the world understand why.

"So, the baby looks great Brooke. It's a little small, compared to it's conception date, but you are small as well so there is no need to worry about that. You do seem a bit pale though, so I'm having the nurse prescribe you some iron-supplements, okay?"

She nods and looks at the screen. For every appointment the blurriness in black and white looks more and more like a baby…

"Do you youngsters want to know the sex?"

The doctor winks at Brooke and she claps her hands in excitement. "Can we? I mean, can you see it?"

Lucas grabs her hand while the doctor intently watches the screen. And then Dr. Johnson smiles.

"Well, I'm 98 certain that you both will be the proud parents of a baby-girl."

A girl? "I am having a girl" Brooke thinks and looks at Lucas in bewilderment. His smile stretches from ear to ear and she feels herself smiling too. The 'thing' inside her is a daughter…

Now if she could only figure out how to become a mother, maybe they would all be okay…

_Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission  
But I'm ready to fly_

-----------------

* * *

**Author's note**: So a little bit of a filler… but after the resent eppie, I don't think any of us are up for BL-drama this week… :) But I'm always up for reviews! LOL 

**Thank you's:**

**pOoLbEeRtAtToOs**: I just knew that you would get the whole break-down scene and the 'I need to feel your heartbeat'-moment… :hug: We're suckers for the same BL-cuteness LOL.Your review was as great as always Rinda, and I loved every single sentence in it. Also, a huge thank you for your help with GEFL. I really appreciate it.

**B.Davis**: You ALWAYS get me, girl! And I knew you would love the line with the 'soap-opera'. I left a little something for you to pick up in this one as well… :lmao: Did you recognize the 'cingular' by the way? ;)

**BrownEyes1980**: I hope I did the haircutting scene justice… lol …For a while I was seriously thinking of letting Lucas' hair be cut by a hair-dresser named Eva, just in honor of you ;) Thank you so much for the review for last chapter. I feels great to be able to warm the heart of another true BLer.

**Jeytonbrucasnaley**: Thank you, hun! And I'm sorry you got your heart shattered by evil Mark. I hope that your feeling a little better after the 30 sec BL-scene this week ;). The hair is off now, good huh?

**WyaRose**: No danger yet as you see, just stress. But who knows what the future holds, right? I love your review's so I was glad to have you back. :)

**Truelovedoesnotexist**: I agree. What is Mark thinking?! He can build BL up like that and then drop it like a hot potato! Well, the hair is off now. LOL Thank you for your review.

**Brucas3**: Aww… great review. I'm so happy to hear that you think I'm getting better.

**Crazybrunette113, Countrymusicrocks**: You both make my blush with your sweet reviews.

**Snowbabie:** A girl… see, you got your wish. LOL

**Othrox**: ITA with all you said! This season is just a rollercoaster of weirdness… Hope you liked this chapter too. Thank's for making me one of your favorites ;)

**Redboomcat & Treehilldreams**: I'm glad you liked Brooke's little breakdown last chapter. I loved your responses.

**Eemah**: What did you have trouble with? Thank you for your sweet review and it's good to see that someone thinks of Nathan. LOL

**Dolzegracia**: No more hair now… lol… and not so much emotion in this chapter. I hope that you like it anyway.

**Lexi02**: Prom is coming up soon, and maybe you're right. Maybe I should steal Marks sprinkler-scene. lol

**Courtneylovesjason:** I'm glad you liked the NBH-scene with the keys. I was going for the letter-crazy Brooke you described. Lol Thank you.

**Controversyqueen**,**Truelove4eva08, tardychick, Brooke1622, CC,** **Brucas-girl, Ali213, catcat51092, Sassha, LadyBelle84, B&LForever and trhill4life:** Thank you all!


	24. I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman

**Author's note:** It's time for a new chapter. And this week I really want to thank Cami, Jess and my little tutorgirl Casey for being a huge support with some personal issues. Lots of hugs for you guys.

I didn't have time to do individual review-responses this time but all of you that reviewed chapter 23; I love you! ;)

This chapter is named after a song by Britney Spears, and seeing that the chapter is one of those ridiculously long ones again, just see it as a double eppie. LOL

-

* * *

**CHAPTER 24 – I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman**

_I'm not a girl, not yet a woman  
All I need is time, a moment that is mine  
While I'm in between_

"Oh my god," Brooke pants, and Lucas sees her chest heaving up and down as she probably tries to get her pulse back to normal. She turns her head and looks over at him as he's lying on his back on the bed.

"Yeah" he whispers back with a cracked voice. "Amazing..." He turns to her, trying to catch his breath and watches her as she does just the same. "You were... just amazing."

"Aren't I always?" she murmurs, more of a statement then a question, and he silently agrees. She always is. Pulling herself closer to him she kisses him. Softly first, but in just a matter of minutes the kisses grow deeper again.

"Brooke..." he mumbles through their kisses, as their nude bodies touches once more. "We have to go to school now, you know that."

Frustrated, he rubs the short hair on his head. It had taken him a few days to get used to having it short like this after Brooke cut it, but now a week later, when he looked at himself in the mirror he knew that Brooke was right.

"Too bad," she whispers and taps his chin with her finger. "I wouldn't mind doing this for another hour."

He takes another deep breath and is taken by surprise when Brooke lifts herself to her knees. The blanket falls from her, revealing her naked body once more, and he can't help but to look at her. She pushes her long silky hair behind her shoulder, letting it fall onto her soft back and he reaches forward and caresses the inside of her thigh. He can see that she fights the urge to turn to him.

"Bad boy..." she whispers leaning closer to his lips. "I thought you said that we had to go to school..."

She gets up from the bed, teasing him as she saunters across the room naked.

It's bad enough that just the sight of her body makes his knees weak and his voice to catch in his throat, but when she looks at him this way, eyes glistening with want, he's completely defenseless. Stupid maybe, but he had always thought that being pregnant would make a girl less attractive. But in Brooke's case this is probably as far from the truth that one could ever get. The little 'baby-bump' is turning into this perfect roundness and her newfound curves just makes her even more sensual than before.

It doesn't matter that he's still exhausted from their last encounter, he still wants her again.

"Brooke..." he groans as she reaches for the handle to the bathroom door. And she turns to him, trying to hide the smirk brought on by her already calculated success.

"Mmm? What, baby?"

He stars at her for a moment, and then shakes his head with defeat before whispering; "Come back here…". And he can't help but to smile when she grins and walks back towards the bed, collapsing on top of him.

----------------------

Later that morning Nathan laughs as Lucas slumps down next to him in their Social Studies class, more than twenty minutes late. And Lucas gives him a look telling him that this is no time for mocking. But Nathan doesn't stop.

"Jesus, dude… you guys seriously need separate bedrooms. Doesn't Brooke ever let you sleep?"

Tiredly Lucas picks his books out of his backpack and starts taking notes from the blackboard. He hasn't been this tired in his whole life. And when he sighs, Nathan lifts his eyebrow suggestively, saying "Come on man, you're not complaining are you?"

Of course he's not complaining. If he could he would stay in bed with Brooke until noon everyday, but last night's merely three hours of sleep was seriously taking a toll of him. So instead of encouraging Nathan's dirty mind he puts down the pen and whispers;

"Do you have any idea of how damn hard it is to find a store that sells raw carrots at three o'clock in the morning?"

"Huh?"

Nathan looks completely clueless and Lucas turns back to his books. If Nathan had known he wouldn't look so damn happy, he thinks.

"Look," he says to his brother in a hushed voice. "It wasn't just my girlfriend's love of 'cuddling' that kept me awake, okay? I swear, she act's sooo weird sometimes…"

_Lucas woke up when Brooke poked him in the side. _

"_Hey Broody, wake up…" she whispered and he groaned into the pillow. "Come on Lucas. Wake up…"_

_Her voice was a little louder this second time and he hesitantly opened his eyes. The bedroom was dark and after a quick look at the clock he sighed._

"_What Brooke? It's two o'clock in the morning."_

_She sat up Indian style on the bed and even in the dark he saw that she tried to look innocent._

"_I need you to get me carrots…" she said in a sugary voice and tilted her head to the side._

_He couldn't help but to look puzzled. "Carrots? Why?"_

"_Because the baby wants carrots Luke. I don't even like carrots but it's like my body needs it or something… I promise…"_

_The crooked smile displayed on her face told him that she herself was a little confused by her demand, but that didn't cross out the fact that she obviously expected him to be the one to cater to this sudden need of hers._

"_Have you looked in the fridge baby?" he tried tiredly but she just shot him a look saying 'Duh!'_

"_I looked before we went to bed but there wasn't any."_

_Sighing he raised himself so that he could lean on his elbow. "Why didn't you tell me then? Did you have to wait until in the middle of the night?"_

"_I thought that if I just went to sleep it would go away… but it didn't, and now I need carrots Lucas."_

_God, if she doesn't stop stressing the word 'need', I'm going to hit her over the head with the pillow, he thought. He looked at the alarm-clock again. 02:10. And tiredly he sat up._

"_What do you want me to do Brooke? Do you seriously want me to go to the store now?"_

_She nodded, looking pleased that her message seemed to have gone through, and he shook his head at her in disbelief. Up until tonight Brooke really hadn't had any weird cravings or crazy habits, and taken away the week she had been on bedrest he hadn't really had to do anything special for her. So with a deep sigh he got to his feet and picked up his jeans that layed draped over the chair. Brooke settled back under the covers and closed her eyes._

"_Wake me up when you have them…" she murmured before falling back to sleep._

_And he got out of the bedroom, silently closing the door behind him._

"So, still jealous?" he whispers to Nathan, who by now is trying aimlessly to stop himself from laughing out loud. "I don't think so, huh? So just get off my back and take notes. You're _not_ borrowing mine."

------------------------

Brooke is standing by her locker when Haley comes up to her with Lucas and Nathan in a tow. Haley looks annoyed and when Brooke looks at the guys with a questioning quirk of her eyebrow Nathan shrugs as if to say 'how the hell would I know'. Smiling she pulls Haley into a sideways hug and Haley fake-whispers;

"Please save me! Both of these cave-men are driving me nuts!"

At 23 weeks into her pregnancy, Haley's belly is almost as big as the pictures Brooke had seen of women that were full term, and Brooke pats it lovingly. "Hey in there little boys" she says before looking up at Haley's face again.

"So Tutorwife, you look pissed. What happened? Did Nathan not do his homework?"

"Ha ha! Real funny Brooke. Now can we go eat? I'm starving here since _your_ boyfriend ate my chocolate bar."

Brooke fakes a shocked look and leans over to slap Lucas' arm. He answers it with a loud "Ow!" and she smirks.

"Aww… you don't feel the love? Poor baby" she says, walking over to him and placing a soft kiss on his lips. "Better? Do you feel loved now?"

"Pity love" he huffs back but in a playful tone, before turning back to his conversation with Nathan. And as they reach the end of the corridor, the boys turn left for the gym. Brooke stops in her tracks and pulls Lucas back in by the fabric of his shirt.

"Hey mister. Where do you think you're going? No basketball for a month, remember?"

He yawns and places a kiss on her forehead. "I'm just gonna drop some things of to Whitey and then I'm going to the library. After this morning I'm too tired to work out anyway…"

Now it's Haley's turn to look at Brooke with a raised eyebrow and Brooke smiles back proudly and links her arm with Haley's.

"I guess it's a girl-lunch then. I'll tell you all about it over pasta… But until then, tell me about this parenting-class that you told Lucas about. When does it start? In two weeks, right?"

--

They find Rachel and Bevin at a table outside and after getting food they sit down and quickly indulge in gossip. The prom is just weeks away and bets are being made on who will be made prom king and queen, which girl that will end up making out with the most guys and if the punch will be spiked this year when Tim's not around.

This year Brooke realizes that she's not a top-candidate for either 'most drunk' or 'make-out queen' and she is just about to tell Rachel that she can still win the last one by making out with Lucas, when she sees her boyfriend coming out of the library with Peyton.

They laugh and it's easy for Brooke to see that Lucas has missed hanging out with her former best friend. She knows that the reason he has stayed away from Peyton the last two and a half months is because of herself, but it still hurts a little to see them having fun like no time has passed. And for a second she wonders if it's unfair of her to feel this way. Lucas himself had decided to back away from Peyton, she had never asked him to, and it was his choice if he wanted to take that decision back.

"Hey, I'm talking to you hoe!" Rachel says, waving her hand in front of her face and Brooke snaps out of her thoughts. "What sexual fantasy were you stuck in girl? I've been trying to get you to listen for five minutes."

Brooke just shrugs and pushes away her plate. She has suddenly lost her appetite for both food and prom-gossip.

But Haley has seen what she looked at and now she strokes Brooke's back with calming motions.

"Brooke…" she says silently, "trust Lucas, okay? Things aren't always as bad as you make them seem. They're just talking and that doesn't mean anything."

Brooke nods and shifts in her seat. Yeah whatever, she thinks. It's not much she can do about it anyway. Instead she takes a sip of her soda and changes the subject.

"So this parenting-class… What is that about and does it actually involve studying?"

Haley doesn't buy the quick change of topic though, and with an even lower voice she says;

"You do realize that the life you've got is pretty darn good, don't you?" she says. "If you would just stop trying so hard to find possible problems, you might actually be happy Brooke…"

But Brooke just pushes her chair back and stands up, suddenly fed up with the entire conversation. Who did Haley think she was? She certainly doesn't have to stay around and listen to this crap. Rachel looks puzzled but she doesn't stay long enough to explain, instead she grabs her purse and walks off fast enough to miss the last part of Haley's sentence.

"…and you really deserve that."

_I'm not a girl, don't tell me what to believe  
I'm just trying to find the woman in me  
_

Thankfully Brooke doesn't have any classes with either Haley or Lucas during the afternoon. Because truthfully, she needs to cool off before talking to either one of them or she would probably burst out in some sort of temper-tantrum. She knows that Haley means well but today was not the right day for this conversation.

In Biology she teams up with Nathan to dissect frogs, which she ends up doing all of herself since Nathan is totally grossed out by the actual cutting. His disgusted face and gagging noises makes her laugh and she almost forgets about being angry.

The last class is Art and as she walks trough the door she realizes that this used to be her favorite class of the whole week. Not only because it's the last class before the weekend starts, but also because she used to love to sit and doodle little nothings like stars and hearts while watching her best friend create masterpieces with a simple pen as her only tool.

Mr. Collins, the art-teacher, is much looser than most of the other teachers when it comes to talking in class, so she would happily plan out there entire weekend while Peyton, usually deep in her project by then, would just laugh at her babbling and just answer when it was needed.

Now Brooke hesitantly walks into the classroom and sees Peyton sitting in their usual seats in the back. Brooke hasn't been to art-class in weeks because things had just kept coming in the way lately. Her hospital-stay, cheer practice, the championship… and last Friday she had just skipped it all together in favor of being with Lucas. But she can't skip anymore, at least not if she wants to save her grade, so she slowly walks over and sits down on the only empty seat next to Peyton.

"Hey Sawyer…" she says and picks out the project she was working on when she was last here.

Peyton looks up and smiles. "Hi Brooke. It's been a long time since we saw you in this class…"

"Yeah, it's been a little hectic lately. You know how it is… Things to see and people to do."

She does her signature face with one eyebrow raised, and Peyton nods. They both draw for a while in silence but when she leans back to look at her work, Peyton puts down her pen.

"Brooke, I've been thinking…" she says and sighs. "I've been thinking of how weird it is that you're pregnant and I don't get to share any of this with you… Lucas told me today that it's a girl… How are you feeling? Happy, right?"

"Yeah, it's a little surreal to walk around with a future cheerleader inside me, but it feels good to know…"

Peyton's eyes glance over down to Brooke's belly and then she asks; "Maybe we could hang out sometime and you could tell me all about it? Just over a lunch or a cup of coffee?"

Brooke bites her bottom lip and ponders this for a moment. She silently wishes that Peyton would have chosen any other day to ask her this. Recently she has thought about her childhood friend a lot and she really wants them to bury all their issues once and for all. But out of all the days, why did Peyton have to choose the only day when Brooke had seen her hang out with Lucas?

A bitchy remark lingers at the tip of her tongue but she bites it back.

"I'll think about the talking-part" she mumbles and turns her gaze back to her sketch. "But we can do coffee tomorrow at Karen's."

She's realized lately that the anger she has held towards Peyton for so long has disappeared, and that the thing standing in the way of her and Lucas being happy never really was Peyton at all. Of course, it's clear that the blonde girl had made some really stupid choices during the last year, but her problems with trusting Lucas has so much more to do with herself. And even if she and Peyton could never go back to the perfect BFF-friendship they had as kids, she's so tired of hating her.

In the corner of her eye she sees Peyton smile, and then the blond girl bends down and gets a plastic bag out of her back pack.

"I've got you something" she says and pushes the bag over to Brooke on the desk. "It's for the baby…"

And when she sees what's inside, and hears Peyton's story on why she bought her this, she realizes that she's not really angry at Lucas either. Just a little disappointed.

_I used to think I had the answers to everything  
But now I know  
That life doesn't always go my way  
That's when I realize  
_

------------------------

Lucas had looked for Brooke the entire afternoon but it was almost as if she was avoiding him. And when he stood by her locker and waited for her when the school-day was over, he got a text from her saying that she was going to hang out with Rachel in the mall. So he decided to head back to the library to finish off a leftover English essay and totally forgot about time.

Now, when he walks into the house, it's almost dinnertime and he wonders why Brooke never called him. Her text had been sweet, her ordinary style with kisses and a make-out promise at the end, but in some way it's still weird.

His mom is in the kitchen cooking and he gives her a quick hug.

"Hey mom, where's Brooke?"

"I think she's in your room. She said she had something she had to do."

He drops his books on the kitchen table and walks through the hallway. Pushing the door open, he sees Brooke sitting on the bed with her t-shirt pulled up. She holds a set of huge headphones against her belly with one hand, flipping the pages of a glossy fashion-magazine with the other.

"What are you doing?" he says laughing and she looks up.

"Peyton gave these to me today. It's so that the baby can listen to music. Apparently she must have been reading up on pregnancies as well because she knew about the baby hearing things by now…"

She smiles a little crookedly and he can't help but hearing the underlying question. Brooke's old insecurities had been buried lately but now they seemed to have resurfaced, since it's evident by the look in her eyes that she wonders if he was the one who told Peyton this. And he was. He has hardly seen Peyton for weeks, let alone talked to her. Not until these last days, and even now it is still a 'once in a while' thing. Short discussions on the way from one class to another, or a quick 'hi' in the cafeteria line. But he would be lying if he said that it hadn't been great to hang out with Peyton for the lunch-hour today and he wonders how to explain this to his girlfriend since Brooke's hormones are still all over the place and he doesn't want to jeopardize her trust in him.

He picks up the headphones and holds them to his ear.

"What the hell are you playing for my daughter?" he asks laughing and she raises her eyebrow in a perfect quirk.

"It's Justin Timberlake. Just because _she_ gave me the thing doesn't mean I have to force the poor baby to listen to her crappy taste in music…"

"Hey!" he says giving the headphones back to her. "Peyton and I have the same taste in music, and it isn't 'crappy'…"

She looks at him somewhat hurt, before reattaching them on her naked belly. "Yeah… you don't have to remind me. I know that…"

Okay, maybe defending Peyton's taste in music wasn't the greatest idea. Especially not today. But before he can take it back or say something to make the situation better, his mom calls out from the kitchen that dinner is ready and Brooke gets to her feet.

"Brooke…" he starts, but she smiles a fake smile that holds so much insecureness that he feels his shoulders drop, and then she says; "Don't worry about it Luke… it's true isn't it? You and Peyton do have a lot of things in common."

And then she walks off towards the kitchen and leaves him standing there feeling like an ass. Not that he has really done anything to make her act this way, but still…

_I'm not a girl, not yet a woman  
All I need is time, a moment that is mine  
While I'm in between  
I'm not a girl  
_

----------------------------

Later that night Lucas strokes her hair gently as they watch the stars out on the porch. He's twisting the ends of her long dark strands around his fingers and Brooke pulls the sleeves of her sweater over her hands, and glances up at him. It's a beautiful night. Cold, but beautiful, and the blankets and his warm body is keeping her from freezing. It's quiet out here and she snuggles up closer to him.

"What are you thinking baby?" she asks silently and he bends his head and kisses her temple.

"Nothing really… I'm just enjoying this. Too have some quality time with you without all the drama…"

He presses his lips against her forehead and his lips feel soft against her skin. She closes her eyes for a moment. "It's nice, isn't it?"

"Yeah…"

They sit for a while in silence again but she can't shake the feeling that Lucas is holding something in. He might not be the most talkative person in the world, but he's unusually quiet tonight. And after intertwining her fingers with his, she breathes in. She has promised herself to stop doing this, to stop probing his quietness in search of underlying messages or hidden problems. But it's so hard not to. Especially tonight.

"Is there something you're not telling me Luke? Cause if there is, then please tell me…"

Her voice comes out a little weak and he wraps his arms around her a little tighter. But his silence still makes her worried and she shivers. He doesn't seem angry, she thinks. He had just been strangely quiet and tense since after dinner. She tries to think back and figure out if it could have been something she had said or done, but nothing really comes to mind. And then she hears him take a deep breath.

"Brooke…" he says, still playing with her hair. "Do you trust me?"

She's not prepared for this question and she turns a bit in his arms so that she can look up at his face. His blue eyes look intently down at her and weirdly enough there's hurt in them. Her heart starts beating faster and she suddenly wishes that she had just kept her mouth shut. She has no clue where he's going with this and she not sure she wants to know anymore. Emotionally they've been so good together lately, even with all the craziness going on around them, and it's been a long time since she felt this insecure tension between them, but after seeing him with Peyton earlier she's worried about what's going on in his head.

"Why do you ask that?" she whispers.

He untangles his hand from her hair and looks off into the distance.

"I found the box… the 'Peyton-box' that you hid in the closet."

She wants to respond, but she decides against it. She really doesn't know what to say if she would. Instead she chooses to sigh and nod her head. He laces his fingers back through hers and she gives his hand a small squeeze before he brings it up to his mouth to give her hand a kiss. Then he continues.

"Actually I found it a couple of weeks ago and I just want to know why Brooke…"

"Why?"

"Yeah, why did you save it? And why hide it instead of talking to me about it? …I thought we were done with keeping secrets…"

"We are Luke" she says even more silently. "I'm just not ready to throw it away yet…"

She's still looking up at him and she sees the disappointment flash over his face.

"So I guess that's my answer then… You _don't _trust me."

Carefully he moves her forward so that he can get up from the hammock they've been sitting on, and he starts to walk inside. She says his name pleadingly and he turns before opening the door.

"No, I'm tired Brooke. I'm gonna go to bed…"

She nods and he walks inside. The cold creeps in under the blanket and she wraps it tighter around herself. Honestly, she's not really sure why she hasn't gotten rid of the box yet. But in some weird way it's been sort of a safety-blanket. Like if he would ever hurt her again, then the box would be the evidence that she had been prepared for it, and that she wasn't stupid and clueless. But of course that's what's hurting him and she regrets it now.

She blinks away the tears that are building up in her eyes and angrily shuts them tightly. This hormonal crying all around the clock is bugging the living hell out of her. Just a couple of months back, crying was something she almost never allowed herself to do, but since becoming pregnant she had cried so many times that she can't even count them anymore. And its nights like this that she still wonders if things between her and Lucas hadn't happened a little too fast. Because nights like this one still makes her wonder where they would have been right now if his child wasn't growing inside of her.

_All I need is time  
A moment that is mine, that's mine  
While I'm in between_

She lets out an annoyed sigh and furiously dries her face with the sweater's sleeve. The fabric smells of Luke and she pulls up handfuls of it and buries her face in it while more tears comes pouring out. Then she hears Karen's voice;

"Brooke honey… what's the matter?"

She looks up to see Lucas mother in the open door. Karen looks worried and the motherly look she's giving Brooke just makes her sob harder.

"I can't do anything right Karen…"

"Oh, I'm sure that's not true."

With a hand protectively on her heavily pregnant belly Karen sits down next to her and wraps her other arm around Brooke's shoulders. "Did you and Lucas have a fight?"

"No, not really… I'm just feeling so confused Karen. I don't know if keeping this baby was the right thing to do… I mean, we're both so young… and sometimes I just feel like the only reason he came back to me was this baby-girl, not really because of me…"

Karen smiles softly. "That is not true Brooke and you know it. Lucas loves you. More than anything."

But Brooke keeps sobbing and Karen takes her chin in her hand and forces her to look at her.

"Remember when we talked in the café, when you had just come back from California? I told you then, and I'll tell you again now… sometimes _I'm_ even jealous. When my son looks at you everyone can see that his mother is no longer the most important person in his life. You are, Brooke."

The older woman looks sincere and Brooke once again dries her face with the sleeve.

"But then why can't I trust him? I really thought I could by now, that I had gotten over all this… But I still push him away. Why do I do that Karen?"

Her crying gets louder and she feels embarrassed. But then again, after her complete break-down when Lucas was in the hospital, nothing should really surprise Karen. And either way she can't help herself, she just feels so worn out by all this. By being insecure and full of doubts and by not being able to explain to her boyfriend how she feels.

"Maybe because you've gotten your share of dishonesty from him in the past" Karen calmly states. "…although that doesn't mean that he hasn't learned anything from his mistakes." She hugs her a little tighter. "But it can also mean that you have a hard time trusting yourself hunnie…"

In the back of her mind Brooke knows that Karen has a point with her last statement. But that doesn't really make this any easier. More like the other way around. Because when it comes to believing in herself, she's usually comes up short.

"I saw him talking to Peyton today..." she says silently into the fabric of Karen's sweater, "and I don't know why, but it makes me so insecure when they laugh and seem all happy…"

A sudden loud sigh is then heard from the open front door and she looks up. Lucas is leaning towards the doorframe and he looks sad and angry at the same time. She opens her mouth to speak but he beats her to it.

"So that's why you were angry earlier?" he says with irritation evident in his voice. "You know what Brooke, I'm so tired of this! I've been trying to get you to trust me for over three months now and you _still_ act like I'm going to up and leave you any minute!! Why is it so damn hard for you to just believe me when I tell you that I LOVE YOU!?"

He's voice is loud and new tears burn in Brooke's eyes. He hasn't yelled at her in such a long time and the change from his otherwise so soft voice makes her flinch.  
Karen's arm is still protectively wrapped around her and she leans closer to the woman.

"Don't yell at me…" she whimpers but he keeps going.

"What Brooke? Seriously, what is your god damn problem?!" he asks heatedly and steps down on the porch. "Yes I talked to Peyton today, and I actually had fun doing it! And yes, I've screwed up countless times in the past, but I'm really trying! Can't you just stop being so freaking insecure and help me out here?!"

Brooke cringes as his voice gets even louder at the end of the last sentence and Karen shifts uneasily beside her.

"Lucas…" Karen starts, but Lucas puts his hand up to stop her.

"No seriously mom! She needs to quit this!" he says harshly before taking a deep breath as if to calm himself down. With a lower, but still cold voice, he says; "Maybe you should just go inside mom, and let us handle this, okay?"

Karen sighs and stands up. And when her arm leaves Brooke's shoulders Brooke feels even more helpless than before. Not only is she a mess on the inside, now Lucas is angry at her and she hates when he looks at her all coldly. She wants Karen to stay, but she is in this by herself now.

"Be a little gentle Luke" she hears Karen mumble as she passes her son. "This isn't so easy for her…"

Lucas mumbles something back that Brooke can't make out and then Karen walks inside, carefully closing the door behind her. Brooke closes her eyes and pulls her knees up towards her chest, but lets them fall down again when she realizes it's an impossible position nowadays with her belly being in the way.

Lucas doesn't sit down, he stays standing, leaning towards one of the porch's pillars. He watches her while the tears still fall slowly down her face, and then he clears his throat.

"Remember the fight we had at Nathan's and Haley's wedding-reception?" he asks with a less cold voice and she nods. How could she not remember? That day was still on her top five of crappiest days ever.

"Well, do you also remember asking me why I didn't let you all the way in?"

"Of course I do…"

She can feel his eyes seek out hers but she keeps her eyes glued to the floor and he sighs.

"I've really tried to do that since then Brooke, but what's the point of me doing that if you don't trust the words coming out of my mouth? Huh? And why do you keep acting as though our relationship is a one-way street?" he asks tiredly and shakes his head. "You need to let me in as well, you know… I can't keep trying to mind-read you."

…_I'm not a girl  
There is no need to protect me  
It's time that I  
Learn to face up to this on my own  
I've seen so much more than you know now  
So don't tell me to shut my eyes_

She looks up at him now, knowing that he's right. But she wants him to understand that it's not only him that she doesn't trust. In fact, he is probably the only one she has any trust in at all. With the upbringing she has had, her biggest fear in this is that Rachel had been right from the start. What if she and Lucas turned out to be like her own parents? What if they broke the heart of the little girl inside her, just like her parents had broken hers? She can't live with that thought.

She knows that it's impossible for Lucas to see this, because even though his father had let him down even before he was born, he had still had the complete and unconditional love of Karen. And he had never seen up close what she had seen; the prolonged crashing down of a dysfunctional family.

"You don't understand…" she whispers, and he answers her calmly.

"No I don't. Because you won't explain it to me… I probably would understand if you tried."

She gets up from the hammock and starts pacing back and forth on the porch. She thinks of the other box she has hidden in the closet, the one that scares her so much more then the one he refers to as the 'Peyton-box'. Actually she hasn't touched or thought of the box with Peyton's stuff since she put it in his closet two months ago, not until he brought it up earlier tonight. But Lucas didn't know that of course.

And as she paces, she thinks of what Haley had said earlier, about realizing that things often were much better than one thought. Maybe she should just take Haley's advice?

Before she can change her mind she steps up to Lucas and hesitantly takes his hand in hers. A small part of her is afraid he might push her away, but he doesn't. Instead he just looks at her in that way that makes her feel loved. And he brings his other hand up to her face.

"There are two things I need you to do Brooke" he says while rubbing the last of her tears away with his thumb. "First, you have to stop believing the worst of me all the time… I can't promise you that I'll never make you angry at me again, but I would never hurt you intentionally, and you have to start trusting that, pretty girl. We can't make this work if you don't…"

His voice is his normal soft one now, the voice that has soothed her so many times, and when he reaches for her and softly pulls her to him, she lets him and leans towards his chest. His heart beats with strong thumps against her cheek and she lets out a deep sigh.

"And secondly?" she whispers, the first thing she's said without crying in over fifteen minutes.

"Secondly, we have to start talking about this baby. About our baby-girl, Brooke. You never tell me how you feel about all this, you just laugh it off or close up like a clam when I bring it up, and I need to know what your worries are…"

He kisses the top of her head and the gentle gesture makes her want to cry all over again, but for totally different reasons. She wants to tell him everything that keeps swirling around in her head but she doesn't know where to start. She has come to so many conclusions this last week since she found out that the baby inside her is a girl and in this moment it overwhelms her. But he continues.

"I know you baby, and even though you think you're not showing it, I can still see when you feel uneasy or insecure… and it really hurts when you're closing me out like this."

And she can clearly see that it does. So with his hand in hers, she softly pulls him towards the back-door that leads right into his bedroom. She doesn't ever want him to feel like she did last fall, when he kept closing her out until she had nothing left to do but to break up with him.

_I'm not a girl, not yet a woman  
All I need is time, a moment that is mine  
While I'm in between_

"Come on, I need to show you something."

He follows her and when they're inside she points for him to sit down on the bed before opening the door to their stuffed to the brim closet. She searches around in the back of it for a while before walking back towards the bed with a bigger shoe-box in her arms. Then she sits down beside him.

"Okay…" she says weakly. "You're right. I'm really scared of all this… And to answer you're question that you asked before; I _do_ trust you. But I don't really trust love you know… I never have." She fiddles with the lid to the box. "It did hurt me today to see you laughing with Peyton, but that's because I sometimes feel like you never had the chance to really figure out how you felt about her since you had your obligations to me and the baby."

He starts to say something but she presses her finger against his lips to shut him up.

"No, let me finish… I do trust you, and I know that you wouldn't go behind my back again. But if I start talking to you about things, then you have to promise me something in return. You have to promise that you'll tell me if you stop loving me. I've lived my whole life in a loveless home Luke, and I don't want to put our daughter through that… do you understand?"

Lucas nods and tucks a few strands of her hair back behind her ear. "I understand Brooke… but I can't really see how it would be possible for me not to love you. You're it for me. The _one_."

She smiles and in her head she thinks that they're only eighteen and that he is much too young to know that already, but at the same time she knows that he means it. Her boyfriend is one of the most hopeless romantics she's ever met and she loves him for it.

Slowly she pushes the box over towards him. "Don't worry about the box with Peyton's things…" she says, suddenly nervous. "I had honestly almost forgotten about it… And if you don't believe me then look in this one."

After getting the permission he needs from her eyes, he lifts the lid and looks inside the completely filled box, and first he just looks confused. Carefully he looks through the things inside and she feels herself smile over all the memorabilia.

"Every little thing in there is kept as a memory of how loved you make me feel" she says, and as his hand closes around the pink book on the bottom she holds her breath. He flips it open and the already big smile on his face widens even more. Without saying anything he pulls her to him so that she's leaning against his chest and together the look through the detailed scrap-book that she's made for their daughter.

"Do you want to know the truth…" she then whispers and he nods. "The truth is that I can't wait for her to be born. I really can't wait to hold her Luke, and to see what she looks like… I'm just so scared that all my 'baggage' is going to mess things up. Both with her and with you…"

"It's impossible" he says back, and his voice is warm and loving, as if he is proud of her. "You've been kind of screwed up since I met you and I still love you like crazy."

"I love you too. And I'm trying to learn how to love myself, so just bare with me, okay?"

He pulls her chin up and looks her straight into the eyes with his calm blue orbs.

"Take your time princess, I'm in for the long run and one of these days you'll see the girl I'm seeing every time I look at you. And then you'll know that I was right…"

_But if you look at me closely  
You will see it in my eyes  
This girl will always find her way_

----------------------------

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**Author's note**: Please keep reviewing, you know I love it:) 


	25. Hopes And Fears

**Author's note: **Hey everyone... This chapter isn't as emotional as the last one. But I hope you still like it. :) It is a double chapter, connecting with the next one, so some things in this chapter are just build-ups for later. I loved all last chapter's reviews and proper thank you's are at the bottom.

Title is actually the album-title of Keane's debut album.

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* * *

**Chapter 25 – Hopes and Fears**

It's eleven o'clock on Saturday morning when Karen walks in through the door to the café and the familiar sound of the bell is heard. Brooke is behind the counter, serving a customer a cup of take-away coffee, and Karen smiles. With the young girl's good looks and cheery attitude, Brooke is a natural when it comes to handling the customers, and the bucket placed on the counter for tips is always full after one of Brooke's shifts. Today Brooke has just been covering for Karen while she went to her routine check-up at the hospital, and since it's still pretty early and Saturday, the café is pretty much empty. Although seeing the already half full can of coins tells her that the breakfast rush had been good.

The customer leaves again and Karen walks up and sits on one of the bar-chairs on the outside of the counter. With only two and a half months left of her pregnancy, her belly is starting to be a heavy load to carry around. But days like this one, when the April sun is shining and she has just seen her healthy baby on the ultrasound, she can't be anything else than happy.

"Hi sweetie" she says when Brooke comes up and places a glass of lemonade in front of her. "Has everything gone alright?"

"Yeah… it's been pretty calm here. The supplier dropped of some boxes of vegetables but they looked a little heavy so I just asked him to leave them in the kitchen. Lucas can move them later."

The young brunette sits down across from her and sips her own drink. "How did your doctor's appointment go?"

They sit there and chat for a while and Karen enjoys having Brooke for herself. Usually her son is by her side, especially the last week since their argument out on the porch. Lucas and Brooke has almost been inseparable since then and she is happy to see that they are finally working together to prepare for their future, talking and planning for the baby. But even so, Karen often misses the long conversations she used to have with Brooke last year when it was just them in the house. But today Brooke seems to be a little weight down by something and since the café is empty she takes the time to probe.

"So, Lucas told me that the parenting class yesterday was interesting…"

Brooke raises an eyebrow as if to say 'oh really?' and Karen laughs.

"You don't agree?"

"Uhm… I think calling it _interesting_ would be pushing it…" Brooke says with a half-smile. "But Lucas and Haley loved it. I swear, both of them were making notes! Truthfully though Karen, I really don't know what I was doing there… Me and Nathan just felt really out of place…"

Karen feels a little sorry for the young girl and patting her shoulder she says; "That bad, huh?"

Brooke nods. "Yeah… it felt like school all over again. This woman kept asking me questions that I didn't have the answer to and then we had to watch a video that almost made Nathan faint…"

She goes quiet and Karen waits for her to continue but it seems like Brooke has drifted off far into thoughts.

"What are you thinking about hunnie?" she says to lure her back to reality. "Is there something on your mind?"

Brooke picks little pieces of a big blueberry muffin and puts them in her mouth.

"Yeah… This may seem a little random but… uhm… this giving birth-thing… does it hurt as bad as I think it will?"

Karen smiles. "Well, how bad do you think it will hurt?"

Scrunching up her face as if already feeling the pain, Brooke sighs; "Really, _really_ bad…"

It doesn't surprise Karen at all that Brooke is worrying about all of this. Her son's girlfriend has passed the halfway mark of her pregnancy with two weeks now, being 22 weeks along, and her head is probably filled to the brim with questions like this one. Especially since her relationship with her mother is still strained. Mary Davis called once in a while, and they talked more than before, but Karen guesses that Brooke doesn't really feel comfortable with asking Mary things like this.

"For the first hours it feels like menstrual cramps…" she says, carefully picking her words to not scare the young girl. "But once the contractions come closer together, it gets a little more painful. I would say that the worst part is right before you push the baby out, but by then the epidural has probably kicked in so you'll be fine…"

"The worst part is _before_ the actual pushing? How can anything be worse than _that_?"

Brooke looks a little pale just by talking about it and Karen puts her hand on top of the girl's hand on the counter.

"You'll do just fine Brooke, you'll see… Giving birth is the most natural thing. I was really worried too when I was expecting Lucas but it's kind of instinctive. Like learning to talk, dancing or having sex."

Now Brooke laughs. "In that case I'll be okay. Talking, dancing and having sex is kind of my specialties…"

Karen laughs too and Brooke blushes when she realizes what she has just said to the mother of her boyfriend. "…oops" she says and stands up to put the glasses away in the dishwasher. "Count on me to always put my foot in my mouth…"

A couple of customers come in and for a half an hour they work side by side. Two young teenage girls sits down over by the window and it reminds Karen of last Saturday when Brooke came into the café with Peyton. She has been meaning to ask Brooke how that had gone but so many other things has come up in between. And when it gets a little calmer again, she rests herself against the countertop.

"Did you and Peyton have fun last weekend? You looked like you actually enjoyed talking…"

Brooke nods but shrugs at the same time. "Yeah, I guess… It's not the same, but at least we didn't fight. And we're getting there… I feel like I owe it to Lucas to at least try to be grown up in this, and I figure that I will never trust him fully if we keep ignoring Peyton forever."

It seems like Brooke doesn't want to talk about it and Karen knows the young girl well enough not to force a conversation. Yet she finds herself putting her arm around Brooke's shoulders.

"When I saw you two in here I couldn't help to feel glad that Lucas finally got his head on straight… Peyton is a really sweet girl, but she's not you Brooke and she never will be… Lucas would never have been happy with her."

Brooke looks surprised and a shy smile creeps over the otherwise so confident girl's face.

"Thanks Karen… it really means a lot to me to hear you say that…"

And then the bell over the door sounds again and a new group of customers walk inside.

--------

A couple of hours later Brooke and Rachel are in the mall for a quick secret coffee before Lucas and Nathan gets there. Lucas doesn't really like her drinking coffee since it keeps the baby kicking all night long which resulted in keeping her awake too. And since she hated being bored she would demand that Lucas kept her entertained, hence him not wanting her to have any.

"But he's not here now" she thinks and takes a sip of her latte. And she needs coffee to get through this conversation since booze is currently out of the question…

She hasn't really hung out with Rachel for a couple of days and they sit and gossip for a bit before Brooke starts to shuffle around impatiently in her seat. She has to ask, and she has to ask now. Otherwise the moment will pass.

"So Rach… I kind of have a question to ask you…" she says and fiddles with the plastic lid to her take-away coffee. Rachel looks at her curiously and smirks.

"Am I supposed to be worried about this question of yours Brooke? You seem weird."

So, it's that evident? She straightens in her chair and clears her throat. Just go ahead and ask her, she thinks in an attempt to strengthen herself. This has been in her head for weeks and Rachel couldn't more than say no…

"Well, I've been thinking… I know how you're not so interested in babies and pregnancies and that sort of stuff… And I know that you'll probably just take off and leave Tree Hill a soon as we graduate to do lots of awesome stuff…"

She can hear how nervous her own voice sounds and it makes her feel a little stupid, but she can't seem to stop mumbling. She clears her throat again and puts a hand on her growing belly.

"Uhm… I mean I would have done the same if 'this' situation hadn't occurred…"

But now Rachel laughs. "Just spit it out skank! Why are you stuttering?"

"Okay. I… or well, me and Luke, we were wondering if you would want to be the baby's godmother…"

Rachel's jaw just drops and there is complete silence for a moment. The redhead who always seems to be in control suddenly seems confused. And then she finally opens her mouth.

"Me?"

Brooke nods and breaks a careful smile. "Yes you, ho!"

She's been thinking of making Rachel the baby's godmother for a while now. Partly because Rachel had been the first to stand up for her in all of this. She had been the first to know about the baby and she had, in her own twisted ways, helped with getting her and Lucas back on track. But deciding to pick Rachel as the godmother isn't just for these reasons. There is also the deeper feeling of understanding between herself and the redhead. She feels more on the same level with Rachel when it comes to babies and families than with anyone else, since they both had close to no parental guidance or supervision while growing up. And even though Peyton and Haley had upbringings that left them taking care of them selves for long periods of time too, they still had parents that really cared.

Just as Brooke's, Rachel's parents mostly didn't give a damn.

But every time lately that she has mustered the courage to ask her former roommate, the moment has passed too quickly or just felt 'wrong'. And seeing Rachel's face now, she suddenly thinks that Lucas might have been right.

"_Rachel?" he said, looking at Brooke suspiciously. "Why?"_

_She kept stirring the pancake batter and shrugged._

"_Because I think she'd make a good one. And why not?"_

"_Well… maybe because the girl is totally irresponsible and somewhat crazy… Besides, I thought you'd want Haley to be the godmother to our daughter."_

_Setting down the bowl on the counter, she turned to him to explain, but his words had made her insecure about the idea and she looked down and blushed, suddenly feeling selfish._

"_It's not that I don't want Haley… She would make an awesome godmother, I'm very aware of that. But you know that I don't really have a family Luke… You met my mom and dad and my grandparents are dead. I don't have any brothers or sisters, just some estranged cousin in Florida. So I'm thinking that my daughter needs a bigger safety net than I had… you know? Like more people connected to her that care and that will be there for her when she grows up..."_

_Lucas stepped a little closer and pushed the bangs away from her face so that he could see her eyes. But she shyly held her gaze towards the floor. Even after all that her and Lucas had been through, she still felt embarrassed to talk to him about the lack of love in her family._

"_I know Brooke…" he said softly. "I know that you were alone way too much as a kid. But our daughter wont be alone baby. She'll have a mother and a father that loves her. And a grandmother, and an uncle and aunt in Nathan and Haley, and she'll have two little cousins that'll be just about her age… and don't forget"_

_She nodded to show that she knew all this and then finally looked up. _

"_But as you said Luke… Haley and Nathan will be our kid's aunt and uncle anyways, right? And I'm just worried that if I don't tie Rachel to this kid in some way she might feel like she doesn't have a 'place' in my daughter's life. I just don't want her to feel left out…"_

_Lucas just kissed her forehead and then, with smiling eyes he reached for the pancake batter and poured it into the pan._

"_It's your choice pretty girl" he said calmly, as if he had agreed with her all along. "If you want Rachel then Rachel it is. I'm just not sure that it's such a good idea and I'm not sure she'll be overly pleased…" _

Rachel opens her mouth to say something but then closes it again. And Brooke struggles to read the redheaded girl's facial expression. Is she just shocked? Happy? Horrified? Or does her raised eyebrow mean that Rachel thinks that she is completely insane?

"So what do you say?" she coaxes in an effort to get Rachel to respond. "Cat got your tongue?"

"Why?"

The only word leaving Rachel's mouth sounds forced and Brooke shrugs. "What do you mean 'why'?"

"Why me? You have so many other friends to pick from Brookie… Why would you want a slutty cheerleader with attachment-issues and a love for partying as the main caretaker of your kid if something happens to you?"

At this Brooke just laughs, but it's a warm laugh and she leans over and puts her hand over Rachel's on the table.

"Because the girl you just described is me, you stupid fatso… If something happened to me I would know that there was someone like me to raise my girl." She blushed. "I sorry to get a little mushy here, I know you hate it, but see this my way, okay? I want my daughter to be strong and fun and independent. And let's realize it, Lucas is just broody and WAY to afraid of a little adventure… Besides, you are the only one that actually knows less about babies than me. It would be good to have you in my ring-corner… It would make me look a little more motherly."

Rachel laughs now too and to Brooke's surprise Rachel gives her hand a little squeeze.

"I'm not saying that I'm not honored, okay? It just a kind of big thing… I have to think about it… I mean, I KNOW that Lucas hates the idea of having me as the godmother and he's probably right… last night I was screwing the new guy on the football-team and I seriously don't even remember his name… and last week I made Bevin smoke weed with me in the girls locker-room just because it wasn't as fun to be buzzed alone… if I do this godmother-thing and the kid gets all screwed up, than you can't blame me…"

Brooke breathes out. Rachel is going to say yes, she can se it in her eyes. Pleased with her accomplishment, she raises her eyebrow at Rachel's little scheme to try and scare her out of this.

"Hey" she says, with a dead-serious expression on her face. "I ate everything in the fridge last night. Including an entire batch of chocolate brownies… So I don't place blame, okay?"

Before Rachel has the time to respond, Brooke leans back in her chair and continues. "And do you want to now something really gross? I know you do so I'm gonna tell you; My bellybutton popped out last night..."

-------

Lucas and Nathan stroll down the mall towards the main area. Today is the day to pick up the cribs they have ordered and they're also meeting Brooke for lunch. Haley is spending the day with her sister Taylor who miraculously appeared last night and Nathan is kind of happy to get out of the house. Lucas can't really blame him. He has known Haley's family most of his life and Taylor was the craziest of the bunch, and with a pregnant and hormonal Haley on top of that, Lucas would probably have done pretty much anything to escape as well.

"So about that video yesterday…" Nathan suddenly says with a shiver. "If it's anything like that in real life I don't think I want to be in the room when Haley gives birth…"

Lucas laughs. "Yeah, I know what you mean bro. I had this vision of everything being clean and simple. Like a few pushes and then…poof… baby!"

"Dude, there was no 'poof' in that video, I tell you! That woman looked like she was about to die…" Nathan says, looking almost as horrified as he had done when they watched it yesterday. "I don't understand how they can ever call childbirth beautiful… it looked like a damn battlefield to me!" He's quiet for a while but then he looks up at Lucas again, a little greenish in the face. "Brooke's not that happy, right? She's not that found of pain…"

Lucas shrugs because honestly he doesn't really know. His girlfriend had been unusually quiet after the parenting-class but she seemed okay. At least she hadn't anything about it to him…

They both laugh a little awkwardly and walk into the baby-store. Brooke is at the cash-register flanked by Rachel and there are lots of bags around them. How she could have had the time to buy all these things in the short amount of time she had been at the mall is a complete mystery to him, but then again, she has had Rachel to help her, and probably everyone in Tree Hill knew that when it came to shopping, Brooke Davis and Rachel Gattina were a force to be reckoned with.

She sees him when he walks up to her but she doesn't seem at all guilty over spending so much money. Instead she smiles brightly and flings her arms around his neck.

"Hey boyfriend!" she exclaims happily and kisses him. "I've missed you…"

It's just been a couple of hours since he saw her at home but he agrees and he returns the kiss a little more passionately which in turn brings out a smirk from Rachel.

"Can't you bunnies chill out? We're in a store with kids…"

Brooke manages to smack Rachel's arm without even stopping the kiss and Nathan laughs. Lucas too smiles against his girlfriend's soft lips and just enjoys the moment. He loves the way she feels in his arms. And the way she looks, all glowing and happy, with her growing belly proudly shown off in the tight tank-top. Almost no make-up on, sneakers and her hair in a ponytail, she still looks like a model picked right out of a magazine.

"You look amazing" he says seriously once she lets him go and he cradles her face in his hands. "How was your morning? Did everything go okay at the café?"

She smiles brightly and flashes her gorgeous dimples at him. "Yeah, I stayed and talked to your mother after. I think she likes me!"

"You've just figured that out?" he laughs and she giggles too. "Jeez Brooke, I had no idea you were so perceptive!"

She quirks her eyebrow cutely and untangles herself from him to be able to sign the card-slip that the cashier hands her. His arm is still loosely draped around her waist and as he leans in to kiss her neck, he sees total on the bottom and takes a deep breath.

"300 dollars?! Brooke, are you crazy?"

He picks the receipt up and looks at it again, sure that he must have read it wrong. These things, scattered in the bags on the floor around her are just spontaneous shopping. They're about to go up to the next floor and charge her visa-card for 200 dollars, paying for the baby-crib she picked out and they still haven't bought a stroller yet… and she had just spent another 297 dollars on what looked like clothes and accessories. Money that they don't really have since she's just working random shifts at his moms café and he still doesn't have a job.

Nathan huffs too, saying: "Brooke, seriously!?" and the happy smile disappears from her face. Giving both him and his brother the evil eye and she picks up all the bags, handing some of them to Rachel, and then she walks out of the store with her head held high and a look of complete annoyance on her face.

Lucas sighs and feels Nathan's hand reassuringly patting his shoulder. "Hormones, Luke" his brother says tiredly. "I told you it would start eventually, right? Now, lets go up and get the other things. Brooke needs a few minutes to cool off anyway."

But Lucas disagrees. He knows his pretty girl well by now and letting her walk off angry is probably the worst thing he can do. So he takes a few long steps and gently grabs her arm. She instantly stops, as if she had only been waiting for him to follow her, but she doesn't turn around.

"Hey…" he says softly, wrapping his arms around her from behind and stretching his neck so that he can place his chin on top of her head. She so small when she's not wearing heals and he kind of likes the feeling. "You know I'm right, baby… and you can't run off. We still have to go up and get the crib…"

She sighs under his chin. "It's just money Luke… I don't get why you're blowing this up so much. I've always spent a lot of money…"

He sighs and turns her around. "But it's not a game anymore Brooke. We're expecting a kid…"

"I know that! I'm carrying it, remember? Now, are we finishing the shopping or do you have any more complaining to do?"

Her eyebrow is raised but this time without being accompanied by the playful dimples. Instead she looks angry and he pulls her towards him once more so that her pregnant belly presses into him.

"I'm sorry baby… I didn't mean to put you down or anything."

He rubs his nose against hers in an effort to make her become less annoyed with him and her tense body somewhat melts into his. "I know" she says and kisses him softly. "But stop being such a brooder. I have money… We're good Lucas, seriously…"

And maybe they are, he thinks. He has no idea how much she has on her bank-account but he heard her say at one point that her parents usually sent her over 1500 dollars a month, and since she hadn't really bought anything for herself in ages and his mother refused to charge her any rent, she should have some money saved by now. So he Eskimo-kisses her again and lets his hands slide in under her tank-top in the back, caressing her soft skin underneath. He really doesn't want her mad at him.

"Let's go shop then" he says when she finally smiles, but she shakes her head.

"No, you and Nathan can go. I need to find a ladies-room… and I'm starving to death here. Me and Rachel will just meet you down at Taco Bell when you're done packing the cribs in the car."

He's just about to whine about the choice of food-place when his girlfriend shuts him up with her lips. The passionate kiss she gives him throws him off and he decides that yet another lunch at Taco Bell will be fine. Brooke keeps telling him that it's the baby that wants texmex-food and he's sure its just an excuse, but her lips on his makes him go with whatever decision she makes. His hands slide along the sides of her waist and he feels her shiver under his touch before finally pulling away from him.

"Sure Pretty girl" he says and hesitantly lets her go, but not before grabbing some of her bags. "I'll just put these in the car for you baby. See you in like twenty minutes?"

She nods and links her arm with Rachel and as he watches her leave he just keeps wishing that he could just take her home for other activities.

---

"God, Lucas really needs to loosen up!" Brooke sighs as she and Rachel are making it towards the food-court. "it's no fun shopping when he gets all worked up about money like that…"

Rachel laughs. "Well you fixed that, right? Didn't you see the look on the poor guy's face after you totally groped him in the kids-departement? He totally just wanted to drag you into one of the dressing-rooms…"

Brooke laughs too, thinking 'then why didn't he?'. That would have been so much fun. But instead she stops at the ATM and puts her visa-card into the machine. What better way to get her boyfriend to calm down than to show him a cash-withdrawal receipt that showed they were safe?

"He'll be fine once we get home" she answers the redhead as she punches in the four-digit code. "I have a surprise planned for him tonight."

The machine prints out the receipt and she looks at it. This couldn't be hers, right? She knew she hadn't shopped as much as usual lately but the sum didn't really make any sense. She's just about to ask Rachel to look at it when she hears a familiar voice say her name behind her.

"Brooke Davis!"

She turns towards the sound.

"Chris Keller?"

And it is. Chris is standing right behind her, smiling his crooked smile, and she is totally confused. Wasn't Chris supposed to be on tour still? Instead he's standing in the mall, less then five feet away, in the middle of the Saturday lunch-rush.

"What are you doing here?" she asks and she feels Rachel's eyes going back and forth between them.

"Doing some shopping. Aren't you happy to see me?"

Strangely enough, she is. She probably should hate him and spit him in the face, but even back when she slept with him she knew that whatever happened between them was not entirely his fault. She had slept with him because she was really afraid of becoming attached to Lucas again, and that night on their fantasy boy-draft date she had known what she had to lose when doing what she did.

"As happy as I would be for a hole in my head" she answers and playfully raises her eyebrow. "Are you in town for a while, or are you just here to piss off Nathan?"

"Naw, just a quick in and out visit. The tour is passing through and Peyton got the Wreckers to play TRIC tomorrow night."

Peyton got Chris to play at Tric? Why didn't she know this? Then when she thinks about it she realizes that she actually does. Peyton had sent her a text-message earlier, saying that they should all come to the party tomorrow night, but she had been busy at the café then. She sees Chris look at her belly and she shyly puts her hand on it, feeling her daughter kick under her palm.

"I see you're having a baby… How's that working out for you? Are you happy?"

The question is supposed to sound nonchalant but he looks serious.

"Yeah, I actually am. Who would have thought, right? Brooke Davis as a mother…" She laughs awkwardly and he smiles too.

"So… is Lucas treating you the way he should?" he asks with his eyes fixed on her. He looks mostly the same. His hair is a little shorter but that's about the only difference. He still looks like a rugged little rock-geek and his brown eyes are still as piercing.

She nods and can't help the smile that suddenly covers her face when she thinks of Lucas, who probably paying for their baby's crib by now. And Chris smiles too.

"I'm glad you got the guy you wanted Brooke. It's been a hell of a ride for the two of you."

"Yeah, I guess it has, hasn't it?"

She unconsciously strokes her rounded belly and watches Chris as her smile becomes crocked with the awkwardness she's feeling. He nods slowly, looking down on his feet as if he's embarrassed, and mumbles;

"Hey… uhm… About that night you and I shared…"

Brooke puts her hand up trying to stop him from saying anything more. She hasn't thought about this in such a long time, not since Lucas asked her if the baby was Chris' at Tric that night. But he looks up and shakes his head. And something in his eyes makes her decide to let him finish.

"No seriously Brooke. I need to say this so hear me out, okay? I knew that you loved him so it was wrong of me to take advantage of you when you were drunk. But hey, Chris Keller was drunk too and you were hot! And in those situations you kind of take what you can get, right?"

It's weird but his words actually make her blush. Maybe it's the hormones because this blunt honesty is exactly what she should expect from him.

"I guess…" she mumbles.

In the spur of the moment she finds herself taking a step forward, hugging Chris. And in the back of her mind she also finds herself thinking that Chris reminds her of her old life, of how she felt before she let Lucas back into her heart and when she still found sex as a get away from her insecurities and problems. She's not sad that that part of her is gone nowadays, but getting it in black and white this way still makes it all feel a little bittersweet and the hug lasts longer than she has intended.

When she finally lets go she hears someone clear his throat behind her and she turns to see Lucas. His eyes are dark but they are not directed at her but instead at Chris. Nathan is beside Lucas and Brooke isn't surprised to find that even he looks annoyed. Chris isn't really the favorite person of the Scott-brothers, for obvious reasons, and even though Nathan himself had been the one to drag Chris back into Haley's life last year, he had still been very pleased to see the guy leave town.

"Hey baby…" she says nervously to Lucas, and for a second his eyes dart over to her and a smile fills them, but then he looks back at Chris.

"Keller… what are you doing back? I thought you were in New York…"

"Oh Luke, keeping track of me, are you?" Chris smirks crookedly. "That's nice of you man. And here I was thinking that nobody missed Chris Keller. But I should have known, right? Heck, no one can resist Chris Keller, not even pregnant women..."

Nathan sighs loudly and even Rachel seems a little uneasy by the situation. Then Lucas suddenly turns and walks back the way he came from and his tense shoulders tells Brooke that he's doing this to try and keep his temper in check. She takes a step to follow him but Rachel shakes her head.

"I'll go get him" she says and winks at Brooke. "I have a habit of talking to your boyfriend about Keller…"

---

Lucas stops and sits down over by the fountain in the middle of the mall. He's not really angry, just frustrated. This was supposed to be a good day. It was Saturday, his favorite day since it meant a whole day with Brooke. But today nothing went as planned. The parenting-class had been a complete disaster, he had managed to truly embarrass his girlfriend in front of the other parents by knowing more about the pregnancy than her, then the argument they had over her shopping… and now Chris. Just seeing the guy look at Brooke had almost made him punch the guy's teeth out.

He sighs loudly and then Rachel sits down next to him and he huffs;

"I can't believe Brooke… how can she hug that freak? He almost destroyed everything between us before… plus, she knows I hate him…"

"Well, this is turning into a déjà vu-convo…" Rachel says laughing, and he looks up at her feeling annoyed that she seems to take his anger as a joke.

"What do you mean?"

Rachel smirks. "Don't you remember our little fantasy boy-draft date? I guess I shouldn't be too surprised if you don't, since you spent the entire time talking about our little Brookie-cookie."

He shrugs as if not remembering, but of course he remembered. How could he not…

"_I can't believe she's doing this…" Lucas said and took a swig of the beer Rachel had bought them at the gas-station. It was dark out and the Rivercourt Park was empty except for himself and the cocky redheaded girl._

"_So she's on a date with Chris." Rachel answers nonchalantly. "It doesn't mean anything."_

_At the last words his head shot up and he frowned. "It does! This guy has caused a lot of trouble and Brooke knows that!"_

_It did matter. It made him angry just to think of the dude, not to mention thinking about what he had done to Haley's and Nathan's relationship. And now Keller was on a date with Brooke, with_ his_ Brooke. He took another swig of beer and Rachel watched him intently. _

"_What is the deal with you and Brooke anyway?"_

_He could see she was snooping, trying to figure out if she still had a small chance to score at this 'date'. But she also looked genuinely curious, so he shrugged, deciding that he might as well talk to her. They didn't have anything better to do._

"_She's just not ready to commit…"_

_The explanation sounded lame and Rachel laughed. "Right… that's usually what I tell guys that I'm not really into." _

"…_and she wants to make sure that I'm serious about her. Plus…"_

"_Plus what?"_

_He took a momentary pause and smiled before saying; "She's the one…"_

"_Why?"_

_He looked out over the empty park and felt his heart beat faster just by thinking of the brunette dimpled girl._

"_She just is. I feel it. You know Pascal says 'The heart has reasons that reason can not know…'"_

_But that wasn't really a truthful answer. His heart knew, and it had known for a while now._

"So what if I do remember?" he says and looks over his shoulder at all the little coins on the bottom of the fountain. "She obviously doesn't… If she remembered how much that scumbag hurt us, then she wouldn't have been in his arms like that…"

But Rachel just looks at him as if he's being the biggest, most clueless jerk in town. "Double-moral must be your middle-name Luke… Otherwise, how could you sit here and pout like this over Brooke sharing a hug with a guy from her past, and not think about what your 'friendly' relationship with Peyton did to her for months…"

She shoves him a little to get him to look at her and he mumbles something incoherently. He wants to be angry and the way Rachel is turning this conversation makes him realize that he won't have that luxury for much longer.

"Brooke told me about the argument you guys had a week ago" she continues. "And I would say that it's pretty stupid of you to go all 'I'm jealous over Chris Keller' when your main point in that fight was that she didn't trust you enough… Besides, what could possibly come between you guys, huh? I thought you two were a match made by destiny?"

She's teasing him now, throwing back words in his face that he told her that night in the park.

"Cut it out Rach…" he says silently, well aware of the fact that she has already managed to prove him wrong in this, but in typical Rachel Gattina-fashion she has to rub it in.

"Why should I? As the future godmother it's my place to protect yours and Brooke's relationship, right? What happened to all that talk about Pascal, huh?"

He sighs and leans his forehead in his hands, remembering all to well…

"_Okay… take your shirt off."_

_Rachel's voice was bossy and he rolled his eyes to tell her she was being stupid._

"_Rachel…"_

_But the redhead in front of him just smirked and for a second he was reminded about Brooke. Even though the two girls hated each other, their poise and confidence were still the same, and then of course there was their bitchy temperament. _

"_I'm not gonna touch you, you sissy virgin-boy" she said, actually sounding a little angry. "I'm trying to make a point. Just take your damn shirt off!"_

_A little bit embarrassed he laughed and pulled the t-shirt over his head. Rachel walked around him and sneaked her arms around his neck from the back. _

"_Alright," she half-whispered. "You say Brooke's the one. Your soulmate… Well, if that's the case, then call upon destiny or providence or whatever forces that's going to bring you two together… And make the shot, blindfolded._

_He raised an eyebrow at her and laughed. Her request was insane. He was standing too far away from the basket. But she tied the shirt snug around his head to cover his eyes and he mumbled "This is ridiculous!" _

_Rachel however just coaxed him on. "Come on! It's your destiny. You can't miss."_

_Sighing, he bounced the ball and tried to make out the direction of the basket by the sound of her voice. Then he bounced it again and concentrated before extending his arm and letting the ball fly into the air. There was a sound of razzeling from the chain net._

"_What happened?" he said and started to pull the t-shirt away from his eyes. And then he heard Rachel's voice; _

"_It went in."_

Lucas laughs and shakes his head at the redhead sitting beside him.

"Yeah I remember… And you can stop with the guilt-trips now, I was overreacting, I know that. But you're making it sound like if it's all your making that me and Brooke got back together. I mean, you do remember what happened when I took the blindfold off, don't you? You were naked, Rachel!"

"Yeah, but I knew it wouldn't work… It was obvious for everyone that Brooke already had you whipped. I just wanted to bug the living hell out of her."

She laughs too and then they sit in silence for a couple of minutes. The mall is filled with people swarming about doing there business and Lucas thinks of Brooke and how he actually just left her standing there. She was probably taking it out on Nathan by now.

Then Rachel finally speaks again. Her voice is softer this time, not her usual cocky tone.

"Are you okay with me being the godmother to your baby Luke? Brooke asked me earlier and I haven't answered yet… I mean, I really get it if you don't want me to…"

She looks a little embarrassed and he gives her a sideways hug.

"I would love it if you said yes."

Not being one for emotional moments, Rachel stands up and reaches out her hand towards him.

"Come on" she says. "Lets go and patch you up with Brooke. You guys just need some alone-time…" She blinks naughtily and he laughs and takes her hand, letting her pull him up into standing position.

"Yeah…" he says. "I want to go home."

He really does. After all, Brooke is pretty much all he needs to feel happy.

-------------------------

* * *

**Authors note 2:** This may seem like it ends pretty abruptly. But the next chapter doesn't have a timejump (lol, I'm not Mark Schwan, making time jumps went there is still unsolved issues) so chapter 26 will start right up where this one ended, in the mall. I need reviews though, lots of them!! Lol. Cause I have an exam this week and if you give me enough reviews I will take time to finsh the update before that. :)

**Thank you's:**

B.Davis: Lots of big hugs to you, the greatest of them all this week! Thanks for having so much patience with my constant nagging about this chapter. And thanks for ALWAYS reviewing. I realized today that i don't think you missed one chapter... :hug:

Tiffany Rae: Your reviews for the latest chapters were just amazing!! I love those long reviews and even more I love how you called me on my bullshit in the last one. Lol. your thoughts were very insightful and reviews like yours make me a better writer for sure. THANK YOU!

Line: Don't feel ashamed! I'm so glad that you found it and liked it. But you're probably right, one should always trust when fic's are recomended. I know I do. Thanks a lot and I hope you keep reading this.

Moonman: You're such a sweetheart! And I'm sorry for keeping you awake with my fic. I'm always so happy to get new readers and your review was just so awesome. :)

Marap: Thank you. (blushing) I really hope you keep reading.

Wishinonastar: Hey you, always such a great reviewer, and you always make me laugh. :) I wish I could give you a equally great chapter in this but this one is a little lame, I know… Anyways, you're great Hannah and I'm still looking forward to read the next draft.

Awhero: I might just go on forever… lol Because these chapters just keeps getting longer and longer and I just keep adding more thing that I need to finish before the story is over. Hope you stick with it to the end. ;)

Jeytonbrucasnaley: I didn't mean to make you almost cry… lol I'm glad you liked the chapter. And I'm surprised you had time to read it, with the pace you've been updating lately. :)

Trista, Treehillraven4life: I'm glad that you both like my story and that you like long chapters since that seems to be what I'm producing these days. If I wouldn't have cut this chapter in half it would have been over 12.000 words. lol

Typokween: insightful review! And I agree. The connection they have as friend is undeniable… which totally sucks. :) Thanks for the review.

Eemah93: The HCM-thing is coming, don't worry hun. Thanks for the kind words.

Cyn: Thank you so much. And the thing with Lucas and his dad is a great idea! I'm going to look into that for sure.

Brucas3: Aww… I'm glad you liked Brooke's box. And the chapter. Thank you so much.

Truelovedoesnotexist: I'm so happy that you liked that Lucas got a little angry, cause I kind of think he needed that in order to vent.

And also a HUGE thank you to; BreezeBlownBy, Brucasforeva, Brookleighgilmore, Courtneylovesjason, OTH rox, Lauren829, Goober396, Lauren. Crazybrunette113, Dolcegrazia, Soapfan2006, Trhill4life, Snowbabie, you guys ALL rock!!!


	26. Disregard The Last Few Days

**Author's note: **This chapter has been a long since due… I know I suck but to my defense, ff has refused to let me update this last week. As you might remember, this chapter starts where the last one ends, and you might feel that some things are missing but it will clear up later I hope. As usual you can always PM me if you have any questions and remember to review. I can't please you if you don't tell me what you think. ; )

For all of you that reviewed the last chapter; A HUGE thank you. And to all you new readers; Welcome! LOL Casey, as always i owe you for proof-reading hug And all of you that has listened to my never ending whining, you know who you are : )

The title is a song by Daphne Loves Derby. Now on with the story…

**---**

* * *

**CHAPTER 26 – Disregard The Past Few Days**

Nathan and Brooke sit at the tables over by the pretzel-shop where Nathan used to work. Brooke looks worried and Nathan feels bad for her. It's obvious that nothing was going on between her and Chris, and Chris had apologized and left just minutes after Lucas walked away. Still Brooke looked like she felt guilty.

The last twenty-four hours hadn't really gone in her favor and in some way Nathan felt partly responsible. He had been the one to start that cookie-fight at the parenting-class yesterday and Brooke took all the blame for it. And he had also helped to point out that she spent too much money earlier, hence starting the fight between her and his brother…

"Brooke, come on… cheer up" he tries, smiling towards her. "Lucas is just being ridiculous, he's not really angry…"

"I know" she says and half-smiles back. "It's just… sometimes I miss my old life… when everything was simple. It's really tiresome to grow up, you know? And this 'being a parent'-thing seems really hard…"

He nods, knowing all too well what she means. He loves Haley more than anything on this planet and he's so exited about their little boys, but late at night, when Haley was already sleeping, he usually lies awake thinking about all that has changed this last year and how much more it was going change before this was all over. It's not that he really misses his old ways, it was just easier to not have to think about anybody else, and to be able to just kick back and have fun without worrying about the consequences. Not that he would ever trade in Haley for a chance at his old life, but just as Brooke, he feels somewhat disoriented at times.

"I really wish that I hadn't bumped into Chris today…" he hears her say. "Because now, if I tell Lucas that I want to go to that party at TRIC, he'll just think that it's because of Chris. And its really not! It's just been so long since we all did something fun…"

She pouts and plays with a little package of sugar lying on the table. He can hear her stomach growl all the way over to where he's sitting, she was probably still hungry as a wolf, and he can't help but laugh. Brooke might have matured a lot lately, but her basics hadn't changed. She still got really grumpy when her blood-sugar dipped under a certain level (which was why he never talked to her in the class before lunch) and he guesses that this is even worse now when she's pregnant and is supposed to eat for two. And she still sticks out her bottom lip like a little pouting child when things didn't turn out the way she wanted them to, and he can't help but smile when thinking of her little search-party after his car-keys the night that Lucas ended up in the hospital...

But right now it seems to be more than just the usual pouting. She rubs her round belly and makes a pained face. It's a quick grimace and she soon looks 'normal' again, but he figures she has cramps or something, all due to being hungry.

"Let's get you some food" he says and grabs her hand. "I wouldn't want you to pull an 'Alive' on me…"

She makes a disgusted face. "Eww Nate… that's that movie about that plane-crash, right? The one were they eat each other?"

He nods and pulls her to her feet and he smiles when she links her arm in the bend of his elbow and says; "Whatever…" again thinking that 'hungry Brooke' is a bitch.

One the way over to Taco Bell he thinks about what she said about TRIC and he realizes that she is right. The last time they all went out together was all too long ago. Months actually.

"Hey Brooke…" he says, nudging her in the side. "Do you think that Luke would take the TRIC-idea better if it came from me? I mean, it could be fun to all do something together before Haley gets to big to go out at all…"

Brooke tears her eyes away from the little piece of paper she's been fiddling with and looks up at him with big sparkling eyes.

"Aww Nate… You'd do that for me?"

He winks back. "Sure! We could all use a night out, right?"

----------

Lucas and Rachel walks back towards the food-court laughing about all the crazy things that Rachel probably would have his and Brooke's daughter doing in the future. He's calm now, not the least bit angry anymore, he just wants to hug his girlfriend, and he speeds up his steps to see her quicker.

Brooke and Nathan are not where they left them but they figure that they went to Taco Bell all ready so they keep going.

"Have you guys talked about what you're gonna name her?" Rachel asks as they turn the corner of Sears. "You know that picking the right name is crucial for a kid's social status, right?"

"No not really… Brooke said that if it was a boy we should name him after Keith, but its not so… I guess we've been busy talking about other tings."

Rachel shakes her head dismissingly. "I don't want to know what you two 'talk' about, since I bet it's dirty… But thank god that it's a girl… I mean no offense to your uncle or anything but seriously! Naming the poor kid Keith would be social suicide, he'd be an outcast before he was even finished with pre-K."

"And Rachel is such a cool name?" Lucas asks, squinting.

"No, but I've had to work pretty damn hard for my status… and it did cost my parents a lot of money too. Besides, I've gone to at least four different high-schools so I had a lot of practise."

She laughs but Lucas detects that slight sadness that sometimes lurks in his own girlfriends features when she talks about her childhood, and more and more he starts to realize that Brooke was right when she said that Rachel probably was the one that could relate that most.

But before he can answer, they reach their goal and he finds Brooke and Nathan by the counter about to order. He walks up next to his girl and sneaks an arm around her waist.

"I'm sorry…" he whispers and she leans her head against his chest. He strokes away a few strands of her hair and bends down to kiss her forehead. She closes her eyes as he presses his lips against her skin and he thinks that she looks a little tired and pale.

Asking "Are you okay pretty girl?" he holds her cheek in his palm and forcing her to look at him. She opens her eyes again and nods. "Yeah, I'm just a little light-headed… It'll pass when I get food."

He still has his arm around her and she feels a little shaky so he steers her over to one of the tables and pulls out a chair. "So Chris left?" he asks and gets her to sit down.

"Yeah, he didn't want to cause more trouble." She reaches into her handbag and pulls out a piece of paper. "Hey Luke, I went to the ATM to get a receipt so that you could see that we weren't in any financial trouble… and…"

She gets cut off by Nathan and Rachel coming over and putting down trays of steaming Enchiladas, nachos and drinks and just as usual when it comes to food, Brooke's attention-span is switched.

"And what?" he asks, but she's already focusing on her plate. Putting nachos in her mouth, looking totally ecstatic, she just says; "Later…" And a couple of minutes later he has forgotten all about it.

--------

When they finally arrive home from the mall it's after eight o'clock and Brooke is beat. But the finals are getting closer and the teachers in all the different subjects had been nagging all week long about the importance of studying, so Lucas forces her to sit down and study with him. History, Spanish, Math, even some English Lit… Words and numbers gets all tangled up with all the other thoughts in her head and within te hour she is bored and leans over on the couch to pull Lucas closer to her.

"Baby…" she says seductively. "I can think of so many more fun things to do than this…"

He huffs something back, deeply concentrated with the book he's reading. He looks so cute when he gets that crease between his eyebrows and she gives up totally on her books and crawls over to him.

"Hey, stop reading and talk to me…" she says and playfully pushes his book away. "Or kiss me… I don't want to study anymore."

He looks up now and sighs with a smile, pulling her in for the kiss she wants. She drags it out until she is sure that she has gotten his mind totally off the studying, then she settles against his chest. His hand travels down over her bare upper arm in a stroking motion before he places it on her belly.

"So what did you and Rachel talk about today? You both looked really secretive when you came back…"

He laughs at her question. "Just stuff. She reminded me to stop being a jerk to my beautiful pregnant girlfriend. And we talked a little about baby-names… and about how you and I actually haven't talked about it at all…"

He pulls the fabric of her shirt up and caresses the skin on her growing belly and she turns a little so that she can look at him. His touch feels amazing but he has actually gotten her a bit curious.

"So any ideas?" she asks and he squints a little.

"What do you think of Hope?"

"Hope? Come on Luke…"

She laughs and he frowns. "What? Hope is a beautiful name! And I think it would be a great choice since it was this baby that gave me you back…"

The comment is so cheesy that she wants to laugh out loud, but seeing that he is completely serious, she instead settles for a soft kiss and a shake of the head.

"Uh-uh baby…" she says. "Hope is out of the question. All those emotion-related hippie names like Faith, Joy and Melody are no can do's. Sorry…"

She strokes his neck and bites her lower lip. "What about Cady? I like short, simple names."

But now he shakes his head. "No, Cady sounds like a grammatical mistake. Bella then?"

"Ew… no! But maybe Isabel."

"Sophia. That was my grandmothers name and it's short and means wisdom. I bet our kid will be really smart…"

"Probably if she takes after you. But it's a bit boring, don't you think?"

They both think in silence for a while and he is still stroking her skin with soft motions, making her want to kiss him over and over. Finally she stands up and pulls him up with her.

"Come on, let's continue this discussion in bed…"

She raises an eyebrow suggestively and he doesn't even look back on the piles of books and homework anymore. 'I'm good at this' she thinks, smiling to herself, as he follows her towards their bedroom. 'I'm really good.'

---------------

Afterwards Lucas lies on his back with Brooke sleeping peacefully beside him. He listens to her calm breaths that are slowly lulling him to sleep too. It's not even eleven o'clock but he is still surprised when the sound of her cell phone breaks the silence. Who would be calling now?

Brooke doesn't even move, she just stays curled up like a sleeping angel with her chocolate brown hair draped like a halo over the pillow, and he smiles and reaches down to grab her purse from the floor beside the bed. He roams around in it for a while, amazed over how many things she carries around with her during a day, before his fingers find the buzzing phone and pulls it out.

The number on the display is Nathan's and Haley's home number and he whispers; "What's up Hales?" into the receiver.

"_Hey Luke."_

"Hey…" He squeezes the phone stuck between his chin and shoulder and looks at the sleeping brunette just inches away from him.

"_Is Brooke awake? She's got some mail that came to this address and I accidentally opened it…"_

Haley sounds exited, like if she if she has great news and he gets curious. "No she's sleeping… she had a long day. Who's the letter from Hales? You kinda sound weird…"

"_Well it's from UNC. It says: Brooke Davis, we're happy to welcome you to our University. We are looking forward to having you in our fashion program. Please contact our office for living arrangements and registration."_

He breathes out thankfully. Finally! They had waited for this for weeks and even though he hadn't let Brooke see it, the absence of her acceptance letter had really had him worried. Now everything was going to be okay and they could finally start looking for an apartment closer to school.

"From UNC? Oh, thank you Hales… I was really starting to stress over this…"

He looks at Brooke again and she turns a little, sighing in her sleep. Being the unorganized person she was, his girlfriend had of course forgotten to change her reply-address. That was why the letter had taken so long to show up…

Haley sighs motherly on the other end. _"Did you two not talk about this Luke? I mean, this is kind of important you know…"_ In some way it annoys him that Haley says this, and he huffs back.

"Of course we did Hales! But it's okay now, no harm done, right?"

She agrees, even though he can hear in her voice that she still finds all of this very unstructured. But he tells her that he'll call her tomorrow and after hanging up the phone he turns back to the sleeping form beside him.

"Brooke…" he whispers and leans down to stroke her over the hair. "Brooke, baby…"

But she sleeps like a log and he decides that telling her about the letter can wait until the morning. So he carefully reaches for the covers and pulls them up closer around her.

And when putting the phone down on the nightstand, he sees the piece of paper lying on the floor next to her purse. He picks it up and in the moonlit room he looks at what seem to be an ATM-slip. When he sees the bank-account total, he takes a deep breath. How the hell could Brooke have over 11.000 dollars?

------------

Sunday morning arrives and Brooke wakes to the sound of Karen roaming in the kitchen. She gets out of bed and yawns, silently putting on some clothes without waking up Lucas who is still sleeping. She wishes that she could stay in bed with him, wake him up with slow kisses and lure him into making out with her a little, but she needs to pee really bad and Lucas needs more sleep. Although, she still leans down and softly presses a kiss on his lips, he looks too damn cute for her not to do it, and he sighs contently and rolls over on his side. The sun is shining outside and all in all this feels like this is going to be a good day.

"Morning Karen" she says happily when entering the kitchen and Karen looks up from her coffee and morning-newspaper.

"Good morning Brooke. Did you sleep alright?"

"Yeah, like a baby…"

She pours some orange juice in a glass and pops some bread into the toaster before joining Karen at the table. And Karen puts the paper down.

"Your mom called this morning."

"Oh…" she answers, sipping the cold fluid. "Did she say what she wanted?"

"No, but she said she would call back soon. Apparently she had some important things to discuss with you."

The bread pops up and she gets up to grab it when Lucas enters the kitchen. He's rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and looks completely adorable all newly awake, so she steers towards him instead.

"Hey gorgeous" she murmurs as she throws her arms around his neck and closes in for a kiss. He meets her halfway and whispers "good morning baby" against her lips. He sneaks his arms around her waist, letting one hand slip in under the fabric of her shirt in the back and Karen fiddles with her paper behind them, probably just to let them know she is still in the room. It doesn't stop Brooke though and she notices that Lucas' eyes are smiling as she gently sucks his bottom lips in between hers, but then he suddenly looks serious.

"Brooke, do you think you can hold off on breakfast for a few minutes? I need to talk to you…"

She says "Sure" and he laces his fingers through hers, saying "Hi mom…" before pulling her back towards the bedroom.

As he motions for her to sit down she can't help but wonder what this was all about. And then she sees the paper in his hand.

"Oh… you found that…" she says with a crooked smile. "I wanted to show you that yesterday…"

He looks a little confused and she feels the same way as she continues. "Someone must have made a mistake at the bank, because even though I knew I had money the sum has still jumped up with at least 8000 dollars since I checked the account last week. At first I thought it was the wrong account number… but the other one, with my college-money, isn't linked to my credit card…"

He looks at the paper again and starts: "But then how…"

And then Karen cuts them off, yelling; "Brooke! Phonecall for you… it's your mother."

She sighs and stands up from the bed again. Her mom calls seldom, hardly even once a week, yet she always manages to call right in the middle of something important.

"I'm coming…" she calls back to Karen, and walks back towards the kitchen, wondering what could be important enough for her mom to call twice within one hour.

---

Haley always walks right into Lucas' house without knocking. Today is no exception and she swings the front door open and calls out; "Hey everybody!"

Karen is in the kitchen, apparently cleaning away the late breakfast, and she waddles over and pulls Haley into a hug.

"Hi hun. How are you? I haven't seen you in a couple of days…"

"Yeah, I'm sorry Karen, it's just so hectic in the tutor-center now just before the finals and then Taylor arrived out of the blue…"

She pulls back a bit and takes in the sight of Lucas' mom.

"Wow…" she says laughing. "Your getting big now. What is it, seven weeks left?"

Karen nods. "Yes, according to the doctor. But Lucas was two weeks late so who knows…"

"God, I can't wait for these two to come out of me… but I still have ten weeks to go…"

Haley looks around for Brooke and Lucas but apart from the low murmuring sound from the radio the house is silent.

"Where are the others? Brooke said she needed me for some last minute messurements on my dress."

Karen leans against the kitchen-counter and sighs. "They're in the bedroom. Brooke is a little upset…"

"Why? Is there something wrong with her or the baby?" She unconsciously rubs her own enormous belly to feel her boys kick, but Karen shakes her head.

"No, the baby is fine. But Brooke's mom called with some not so great news… Go in and talk to her. I bet she'll be happy to see you."

Feeling a little worried, Haley leaves Karen and walks over to the closed bedroom-door. After knocking and hearing Lucas answer from the inside, she pushes the door open and sees Brooke and Lucas sitting on the bed. Brooke is sobbing against Lucas' chest and he looks up with a facial expression saying; 'A little help here please, I don't know what else to say…'

"Tigger, what's the matter?" she says with her voice as soft as possible and sits down next to Brooke on the bed. "What happened?"

The brunette looks up and her eyes are red and puffy, tears streaming down her face.

"I'm sorry Haley…" she sobs.

"Sorry? For what?"

"For crying…like this… but my mom called…and I got angry, and then… then I got all emotional… and now… I can't stop… crying." She takes a deep breath. "I hate being… this hormonal, crying… mess! And… I hate my… father…"

Brooke's hickuping sobs makes it really hard to follow the fragmental sentences. So she rubs her friends back soothingly and turns to Lucas instead. He looks worried, as always when Brooke is sad.

"What's going on Luke?" she asks him, in order to get some clearification.

"Brooke's parents are getting a divorce... But I think that Brooke agrees that it is probably for the best."

It feels weird to have this discussion over Brooke's head like this, but since it seems impossible for Brooke to stop sobbing, there is no other way.

"Then why is she upset?"

She sees that Lucas hesitates before answering. He strokes his girlfriend over the hair and a look from her seems to give him the approval he needs because then he nods and clears his throat. "Mrs Davis had an affair before Brooke was born. And now, when she filed for the divorce, Mr Davis claimes that he has been decived during their entire marriage… Apperantly he thinks that Brooke isn't his daughter and now he wants a paternity test."

"Oh god… what a mess…"

Carefully she pulls Brooke towards herself and her otherwise so cheery friend thankfully leans into her. "Hunnie, I'm sorry…" she hushes. "This just sucks so bad…"

She really doesn't know what else to say. She's never met either of Brooke's parents, but to her it seems like Brooke would be better off if they didn't even exist. She exchanges a look with Lucas and he looks like he's feeling just as helpless. The only one that she can think of that would be able to truly understand the makings of the weird Davis-family is Peyton, yet she figures that calling the blonde is not an option.

"I think I know what you need Brooke…" she instead keeps hushing with her most motherly voice. "You need a shower, some lunch and then we're getting Rachel… This mess calls for some serious shopping."

She struggles to get her pregnant self off the bed before pulling Brooke up too. In the corner of her eye she sees Lucas smile with a raised eyebrow, and he silently mouths; "Rachel? Shopping?"

'Whatever you need to do for your friends' she thinks. And since Brooke is her best friend she would do about anything. Even volunteeringly spend the Sunday with a spiteful redhead.

---------

Haley is right, as always. The shower is refreshing and after just a few minutes under the hot water she stops sobbing and calms down. She probes around in her heart to look for signs of sadness, but just as during the phonecall she just feels angry. She doesn't really know why she started crying, she had been cold as ice during the whole conversation with her mom. Even when her mother got emotional, she herself had remained cold.

"_Brooke, listen to me… I met your father on a yauht-club when I was twenty. He was a couple of years older and I fell madly in love with him… but he had just started out his career and he was gone a lot. We were good for a year or so, but as soon as we got married he started working late and spending more and more time away on business-trips…" her mother sighed, " I was still young and I got bored and lonely…"_

_Brooke impatiently sighed too. "Why are you telling me this mom? I don't care if you're getting divorced. Or actually I think it's a good idea. All you two are doing is fight anyways.."_

"_You don't understand hunnie… I had an affair. I started seeing this waiter from the club and kept doing so for at least six months. And then all of a sudden everything changed. Your father moved the business to Tree Hill, we bought the big house, and about a month later I found out that I was pregnant… Charles was exstatic. And even though we still had problems we both worked very hard on our marriage for your sake…"_

_Brooke kept the phone close to her ear, still not understanding where her mom was going with this weird story. Karen and Lucas watched her from the kitchen table with worried looks, seeing that she probably looked pissed off._

"_And why are you telling me this, mom? It's not like I'm gonna pick sides and go live with my favorite parent or something…"_

_Now her mom sounded nervous and Brooke could almost see her fiddling with the cord to the phone on the other end. "Well, Charles somehow found out about the affair a couple of months ago and now he has gotten this ridiculous idea into his head… And try to remember Brooke, that it's me he is angry with. You just happened to get stuck in the middle…"_

"_Stuck in what, mom?!" _

_She was getting annoyed for real now. Her mother kept dragging this out, talking in weird metaphors and beating around the bush. "Just tell me what the fuck is going on! You just gave me 10.000 dollars. This is the longest conversation that you've had with me in years and all this is freaking me out!"_

_Mary Davis sighed one last time at the other end, "Okay, try not to get too upset by this Dollface… but Charles doesn't think that you are his."_

"_Dad doesn't think I'm his what? His kid?" _

_She laughed dryly at her own joke before realizing that this was just what her mother had meant._

"_No, hun. And it is ridiculous since you are the spitting image of him when it comes to temper and you both do that thing with your eyebrow when…"_

"_Mom!" she said firmly, interrupting the older woman's nervous stream of words. "Am I? Am I dads?"_

_There was a second or two of silence and even though Mary tried to cover it up by pretending to clear her throat, Brooke still realized._

"_You have no clue, do you?" she spat out in a cold voice._

"_I know in my heart Brookie, but your father wants proof… He wants a paternity test. So I need you to go see the doctor tomorrow and draw some blood. I've already talked to the hospital and they've agreed to send it here."_

_But Brooke tiredly shook her head and sat down next to Lucas on a kitchen chair. "No, I'm not doing the test mom. I don't care if neither of us knows… I mean seriously… What difference does it make, huh? Either my dad is a emotionless asshole that has seen me as an inconvenience my entire life, or he is some waiter one-night stand that I'll never meet anyways. If I had to choose one I would actually choose none!"_

_There was a long silence and when her mother started to talk again her voice sounded defeated. "You don't understand Brooke… I'm divorcing your father. And if I can't prove that you are his biological daughter before that divorce is final, you won't get a cent. Even your grandmothers trust-fund will be retracted, and I don't know about your college money since that is still on your fathers bank account. That's why I gave you the money, so that you will manage until this is finalized. As your father he has to support you financially until you are twenty-one and that gives me enough time to sort this out."_

"_But what if dad is not my biological father?"_

"_He is Brooke, trust me… And once the divorce is clear and I have half of our assets I can support you and the baby for years to come. Long enough for you and Lucas to finish college. But if you don't take the test Brooke, then you might end you with no financial help at all for more then a year if he drags this out…"_

She had succumbed then and just said 'whatever' and it wasn't until after she had hung up the phone, and Lucas and Karen listened as she recapped the conversation she had had with her mother, that it hit her…

Her baby, her tiny innocent girl, would never get to know her grandfather. Even if they met, he would probably not claim her daughter as his grandchild. The realization had made her tear up but she would have managed to hold herself together if not for the fact that her wonderful boyfriend instantly saw her sadness and wrapped his arms around her.

"_Don't worry pretty girl" _he had whispered in her ear. "_You have me. You'll always have me…"_

And that was when the dam broke and the thousands of tears started pouring out.

Now, as she dries herself with the big fluffy towel and watches her reflaction in the full-length mirror, even the anger is slowly fading. Left is only the resentment towards her father for doing all this. And she makes herself a promise as she rubs her round belly with lotion to avoid stretch marks. Her father will never get to meet her baby-girl. He will never get the chance to hurt her daughter like he has hurt herself. Whatever the results of the paternity test would show, she is going to make sure that her father stays cut off from her baby.

She shakes away the last remains of bad mood and after stepping into a pair of Lucas' jeans and a tank top she makes her way into the kitchen to find Haley with her feet propped up on a chair, commanding Lucas around between pots and pans.

"Hey beautiful…" Lucas says softly. "You look like you feel a lot better."

"I do."

She strokes his arm as she passes him and captures his lips in a soft kiss before she sits down next to Haley by the table.

"What are you making?"

"Hales is trying to teach me how to make lasagna but I don't think I'm doing so good…"

Haley laughs and waves away his kind of worried statement. Brooke laughs too.

"Well, if you burn it we can always eat out. We're rich now… I just hope mom can get my college-money back before this fall… Otherwise we're in deep shit…"

--------

While the girls roamed the mall for the second day in a row, Nathan and Lucas spent their afternoon down by River court, playing ball.

Between games Lucas filled Nathan in on the morning's events and when Nathan was finished cursing Mr Davis for being a complete jackass, he brought up the idea with TRIC again. This time with the excuse that a night out might be just what Brooke needed.

Yesterday when he had suggested it, Lucas had just mumbled something about it being Sunday and that they all needed to get up early for school on Monday, but this time he just nodded, probably realizing that Brooke needed a fun distraction.

So now, at eight in the evening, they are all in the car on their way to the 'all ages night' that Peyton is hosting and Nathan strokes Haley's knee as she sits next to him in the front-seat of their old Honda Accord.

"Promise me that you'll tell me if you get tired or anything Hales" he says, slightly distracted by Brooke and Lucas kissing in the backseat. His wife nods. She looks adorable in a new outfit that Brooke has probably picked out and she smiles.

"If that happens I'll just sit down and rest for a while. Don't worry about me hotshot. I'm gonna be fine."

And he believes her. He trusts Haley and he knows that she won't overdo it. Brooke might, he thinks to himself smiling, but that was his brother's headache.

He pushes the break-pedal and parks outside the old warehouse that his ex girlfriend and Karen had turned into a successful nightclub a year and a half ago and turns to the still kissing couple in the back. And as Rachel's car pulls up in the parking-spot next to them and her and Mouth gets out, he says;

"So guys, are you ready to party?"

---------

TRIC is filled to the brim with people and the music from the Wreckers, that are currently on stage, blares in the open space. Peyton zig-zags between the tables, trying to keep an eye on things, and she is pleased to see that all seems to be in order. On a usual all ages-night Karen would be here to over-look things, but since Lucas' mother is now over seven months pregnant, late nights are not her favorite working hour. Instead Karen had made her the boss for the night, and doing it all without Karen or Deb is still a bit scary.

She is just about to go check behind stage when she sees Brooke coming towards her on the dance-floor.

"You did good tonight Peyton, it looks like all of Tree Hill is here…"

Brooke's smile seems genuine even if it's not the usual dimpled one and she smiles back.

"Thanks Brooke."

Her former best friend looks beautiful and Peyton thinks that being pregnant really agrees with Brooke. The brunette girl has always had her looks to her favor, bringing down whistles from guys twice her age even in Junior High, but lately it seemed to Peyton as if Brooke's sexy look had evolved into something more.

There is no sign of Lucas so far but Peyton figures that he's not far away. Probably he's somewhere close by Nathan and Haley, who are sitting over at the tables in the back, strangely enough together with Rachel and Chris.

'Only in Tree Hill' she thinks confused before turning back towards Brooke who leans against the dancefloor-railing.

"Did you just get here?" she asks tentatively but Brooke shakes her head.

"No, we came just before Chris went on stage. We looked for you but I guess you were busy…"

The air between herself and Brooke is tense, but then Brooke shrugs and continues.

"You wanna know something weird? My parents are getting a divorce… and apparently my dad doesn't think I'm his kid…"

Peyton has no idea why Brooke is telling her this and she wants to ask what Brooke means, but she is surprised to see that Brooke looks almost okay with this statement, and she realizes that for the first time in the almost twelve years that they've known each other, the wrong-doings of Mr. and Mrs. Davis can't touch Brooke. She looks almost amused as she twists a darkbrown lock of hair around her finger.

Maybe it's because Brooke is about to be a mother herself, or maybe she has just finally gotten tired of feeling guilty that her parents marriage is a failure. Either way, a strange sense of pride fills Peyton.

"Your dad's insane…" she says simply, mostly to fill the silence while she thinks, and Brooke smiles and quirks her signature eyebrow.

"I know."

There is so much that Peyton wants to tell Brooke in that moment. But the exchange of words ends there as Lucas comes over and hands Brooke a glass of juice. He smiles at her, saying; "Hey Peyt… Nice work with the party…" before putting his arm around Brooke's shoulders. And even though nothing more is said between her and her former friend before Brooke and Lucas walks off to go back to the table, she feels that these short sentences shared is the closest they've come to an honest friendship in months.

She checks behind the stage to see to it that everything is there for when the band gets off, and when she returns, Brooke and Lucas have moved out on the dance-floor. She wishes that Brooke would be by herself for a minute or two, she wants to talk more with her about this parent-situation, but Lucas is always beside her.

A sting of jealousy hits her as she notices the way Lucas is holding Brooke. He's leaning casually against a pillar and Brooke is leaning against his chest. His arms are lovingly wrapped around her growing belly and once in a while his hands stroke the 'bump' unconsciously. His head bobs to the beat of the music and Brooke looks up at him, obviously saying something cute or funny because he laughs and kisses her temple.

Their interaction is so natural, so unforced and so full of love that she flinches and looks away.

'Did they always look at each other this way?' she wonders.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she had been aware that Brooke had fallen in love with Lucas even before she herself made out with him in that motel, and of course Brooke's feelings had evolved since then.

But Lucas? What about him? Suddenly a slide-show of memories starts playing in her mind. Still-shots of moments when the love between Lucas and Brooke had been so evident that she had looked away, just like she did now.

For almost four months, ever since she found out about Brooke being pregnant, she has in a way let herself think that Lucas had grown more committed to Brooke just because she was carrying his child. But now that the reality hits her that she has been wrong, she almost feels nauseous.

Lucas loves Brooke. He loves her.

And when Brooke makes him laugh again, Peyton realizes something else…

----------------

It has been a fun night. Much better than Lucas would have ever thought when Nathan suggested that they would all go. Brooke has been happy and it has been evident to him that she really needed this. And why wouldn't she? Going from social elite to being closed up at home playing house with him couldn't have been an easy transition for her.

In the car on their way back, Brooke rest her head against his shoulder, and after shifting the gear back into 'drive' he reaches up and strokes her over the hair.

"Thank you for tonight" she murmurs tiredly. "I had fun."

"Me too…"

He notices how calm and content she sounds and for a second he thinks about all the nights when he has driven her home in the past, just to drop her off at an empty house. Nights when she had been drunk or sad and he was left feeling a bit helpless on how to comfort her. It feels good that she seems happy now, and that her home is the same as his.

"What do you think of the name Emma?" he asks then, breaking the silence. And she repeats the name silently, as if tasting it.

"Emma… Emma Karen Scott…"

He has his eyes on the road, a little nervous that she will hate the idea, but then he feels her shift in the seat and her soft lips finds the skin on his neck. Her breath is hot just below his ear when she whispers; "I love it, it's perfect…"

And he smiles and whispers back; "You're perfect.

-

Half an hour later, after brushing his teeth and getting undressed, he slips into the bed next to Brooke. She snuggles up next to him and lets out a satisfied sigh as she settles her head on his chest.

Under the covers, his hand trails her almost naked body, slowly stroking every familiar curve. She sighs again and this time the sound is different, slightly deeper. She moves under his hand and he feels her lips against the skin of his neck.

'We gotta stop doing this' he thinks as he pulls the sheets down to be able to see her body. '…it can't be good for the baby…' But his girlfriend has to be a mind-reader because as his hand is about to stop stroking her naked thigh, she breathes into his ear;

"I need this… I need to feel you…"

Her hands moves over him now, and the combination of that, the feel of her smooth skin and the sound of her raspy voice already has him turned on enough to give her what ever she asks for.

That is why he gets so annoyed when the cell phone rings on the nightstand.

"Damn it" he mutters and raises himself up on his elbow. It's Haley's number and he answers in a slightly irritated tone. "What Haley? Are you gonna call us after bed-time every night from now on?"

But it's not Haley on the other end. It's Nathan. And his little brother sounds scared and stressed out.

"Luke! We're on our way over to the hospital. Haley's water just broke…"

--------------

* * *

**Authors note**: That was it for this time, but I promise not to wait so long before the next update. Be sure to tell me what you think!

/Lynn


	27. Atleast I'm Moving Forward

**Author's note**: So that was a long hiatus… I'm sorry. But life got in between and so did two chapters of my other story Gamble Everything For Love.

But I'm back on track now. And I've got a new chapter for you all. Maybe not as drama-packed as usual but there are so much stuff coming up that we need a little 'everyday-life'.  
I hope you enjoy it anyway. Personal thank you's are at the end.

The title and lyrics for this chapter is from the song 'Moving Forward' by Hoobastank.

---

* * *

**CHAPTER 27 – At Least I'm Moving Forward**

_I stand before a road that will lead  
into the unknown - at least unknown to me.  
I want to go, but I'm paralyzed with fear.  
Fear of a choice, where the outcome isn't clear._

_But still I go..._

It's been almost two weeks since that night they all went to TRIC and most of Brooke's days since then have been pretty much the same. School in the morning, then lunch spent in the library with Lucas while he kept trying to prepare her for the finals. Afternoons she spent in the hospital, keeping Haley company, unless she had a shift at the café. In those cases she went to the hospital after dinner.

Today is a little different though. This morning she took her last final, the dreaded one in Calculus, and now she has the whole day off. So instead of spending it in the early summer sun, sweating with the weight of her now big belly, she's sitting in Haley's air-conditioned room at Tree Hill Memorial Hospital, talking about all the fears that keeps raging in her mind.

So far the little boys inside Haley had been kept from being born far too early. Her water hadn't really broken, just dripped, and they had managed to stop the contractions. But since then Haley has been on strict bed-rest and they all know it could be at any time now. Brooke knows that her friend is bored out of her mind in her hospital-bed but as the doctor had said; 'Every day in the womb counts…' so Haley stays put, being the responsible person she is, and is now down to less than eight weeks. And Brooke admires Haley's almost serene calmness. With a little more than ten weeks left, Broke herself is already freaking out.

"Aren't you scared?" she asks and sips her ice-tea slowly. "I mean, how am I supposed to squeeze out something the size of a basketball out of a hole that small? It has to hurt like hell…"

Haley nods, sitting up halfway in her hospital bed. "Yeah, well I have to do it twice so I say you're at least better off than me…"

Brooke shoots off an apologetic halfsmile in Haley's direction and moves a little to get comfortable on Haley's bedside. "Oh, I didn't think of that. But you seem so calm, tutor-girl. I feel like I'm going to flip out any second…"

She fiddles with the hospital-blanket with her free hand and sighs. "Lately I've been thinking that maybe the baby could just stay inside me, you know? I mean, being pregnant isn't all that bad and that way I wouldn't have to go through childbirth at all."

Haley laughs now and grabs her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You'll be fine Brooke. Lucas will be there, and me too if you want me to. And by then I've done it, so I can tell you all about how it's going to be, okay? I bet it won't be as bad as we think… I really can't wait for this damn pregnancy to be over, I feel like a bloated whale."

Brooke can't help but think that Haley is delusional for being so positive. She herself is scared shitless. And not so much about the pain, although that of course frightens her too, but mostly about seeing her baby. Holding her daughter for the first time and maybe dropping her, not being able to feed her or plainly to see her and not instantly feel that love that everybody kept talking about in parenting-class.

"So are you going to breastfeed?" Haley asks and picks up the little sweater she is knitting.

Brooke frowns, making a face as she ponders Haley's question. She hasn't even thought about this. Will she? And if so, how would she do it? Again she is painfully reminded that she is completely oblivious when it comes to newborn babies and she sigh again, deeper this time.

"Listen Hales, my biggest worry should be if prom-night will be a hit or not" she says with a slight annoyed pitch to her voice. "I don't really want to think about breastfeeding or diaper-changes. I can't believe that you wont be there… it's gonna suck sooo much going to prom without you and Nate."

"I know Tigger. But you and Lucas will have a great time. You'll have Rachel and Bevin there and Mouth. And I know that you will look so beautiful. Do you still plan on coming by here before the party? I really want to see you in the dress…"

Brooke nods affirmatively, but her mind is somewhere else. She wants to ask Haley something she's been thinking about, but she's not sure how. Haley is going to be super-mom and she has probably not even thought about all the weird things that Brooke keeps thinking about.

"Well tutor-wife… and tutor-babies…" she says and plants a kiss on Haley's enormous belly, "I have to get going. I'm meeting Bevin for a quick coffee before me Lucas have that parentingclass-thingy…"

"Oh, that's right… it's the breathing-class today. I really wanted to go to that… Well tell Bevin I said hi. And I'll see you later tonight with Lucas and Nathan, right?"

"You bet!" She shoots off a dimpled smile and gets off the bed, before heading towards the door. And when she reaches it she turns. "Be good now Hales. And don't let those guys out…"

Haley laughs and waves her off and Brooke smiles back, but as soon as she turns the corner and gets out into the corridor her smile fades. Too much is on her mind, and fake-smiling for Haley is starting to feel exhausting.

_At least I'm moving forward…_

--------------------------

"So mom, where do you want this?" Lucas shouts from the spare room that Karen is making into a nursery.

His mother waddles in through the door and points at a corner and he gladly puts the heavy dresser down. He's been at this all morning, since he doesn't have classes today, and he's starting to get tired of her changing her mind all the time.

Karen sits down in the rocking chair and looks at the almost finished room in what seems to be a content smile before she turns to him.

"Did Brooke hear anything from the doctor yet?" she asks and he shakes his head.

"About the paternity-test? No, but her mom said that it could take up to three weeks before she gets the results… And honestly I don't know what's best… I mean, on one hand I don't want her to get the results and maybe have them destroy prom-night for her, and on the other hand I just want the doctor to tell us. I know she worries about it and it can't be good for either her or the baby. She has so much to worry about even without all that drama…"

He's been thinking about it a lot the past two weeks, and he knows that Brooke does too. But she keeps her head up and keeps smiling and he has to say that he's pretty damn proud of how she's been holding up. Brooke had been a rock lately, especially for Haley, but her calm exterior didn't hide the fact that she was stressing over her situation with her parents. At least not from him. Before she might have tricked him, but lately they had been in tune in an almost strange way and she didn't have to say anything for him to know that she worried.

"Well Mary called again today to check up on her" his mom says and rubs her belly. "If anything good has come out of this entire ordeal then that is that Brooke and her mother seem to be getting along better and better, right?"

Lucas sighs and shrugs. Maybe his mother is right but he knows that most of it is mostly a façade. On the inside his beautiful and strong girlfriend is furious at her mother for not being a 100 percent sure about who had fathered her. He looks down at his watch and seeing that it is close to twelve o'clock he wipes the sweat of his forehead.

"I gonna go grab a shower. I have to meet Brooke in forty minutes. We have that 'breathing-class' or whatever it's called."

His mother nods and gives him that proud mother's-smile. "Have fun. I'll be going down to the café for an hour or two, but I'll see you both later. Dinner at six, remember?"

"At six" he confirms before closing the door to the bathroom, then he turns on the hot water and gets out of his clothes. The house is silent and as he steps into the shower he can't help but wonder how different it is all going to be in just a couple of months. His mom will live here with his little brother or sister, and he and Brooke and their newborn daughter will be off to be a family in their own apartment in college. He looks forward to it. But of course he worries.

He is after all Lucas Scott.

_And at least I'm moving forward_

-----------

It's getting close to one o'clock when they get out of Brooke's little WV beetle and head towards the house where the parenting-class is held. Brooke is still not too found of these classes but Lucas always seems so exited about it that she can't do anything else but to nicely tag along. The only person who usually seems just as suspicious as herself is Nathan but today she can't even share that secretive look saying 'what the hell have we gotten ourselves into?' with him, since he is in school taking a math-final and Haley is in the hospital.

The lobby is full of couples and after a quick glance around Brooke decides that her expectations have been right, this whole thing is going to be torture. As usual most of the couples are over thirty, and now when Nathan and Haley aren't there, no other couple is as young as Lucas and herself. Just during the short minutes that they stand there waiting for the door to open, several of the older pregnant women manages to point and whisper in a not to subtle way.

"Here we go again…" she sighs and Lucas squeezes her hand.

"Try to be a little positive _Cheery._"

She hears the slight sarcastic tone in his voice and when Mrs. Clark, the 'teacher' in the class, opens the door to let all of them in, she shrugs back at her blond boyfriend and mumbles a grumpy "Whatever…" before she makes herself comfortable on one of the big bean-bags placed on the floor, ready to 'play nice' for Lucas' sake. But just fifteen minutes later she has to use all her energy not to burst out in laughter. She feels like a complete idiot, leaning on Lucas and practicing the stupid breathing-techniques with all the other couples, and she turns her head up at Lucas.

"This is ridiculous" she whispers out of the corner of her mouth as Mrs. Clark orders them to breathe together once more. "I don't need to learn how to breathe in and out. I've known how to do that my entire life!"

And for the first time since they started going to these classes her boyfriend actually seems to agree. He presses the hand over his mouth to silence his own laugher and when the teacher tells them to 'take five' he winks at her.

"Lets get out of here" he mouths and pulls her up into standing position. "Lets go do something productive instead."

She gladly follows him and once out through the doors she lets the laughter come bubbling out. "I guess I finally rubbed off on you" she giggles. "Who would have thought that Lucas Scott would be the one to suggest that we'd actually _skip_ class?"

"Well…" he says and slaps her butt playfully. "I live with the queen of avoiding classes so I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. Now get into the car…"

---------

_I wonder if the journey will be  
short as I hope, or much longer than it seems.  
But either way, I've made up my mind.  
I'm through feeling scared, I'm leaving that behind._

Instead of practicing breathing, they went to the mall. And for two hours they had friendly fights over what stroller to buy for the baby. At the end it looked like Brooke would win, which would have meant the latest model of the Urban Jungle three-wheeled buggy, but after finding out that the pink version was out of stock she changed her mind and they were back at square one. Laughing, he had told her that it was probably easier to solve world-hunger than shopping with her and she agreed. And by then it was already five o'clock and time to head back home.

Dinner with his mother was uneventful and now he passes time in front of his laptop while Brooke showers. They're supposed to meet Nathan at eight to go to the hospital and have a boardgame-night with him and Haley but since it's only five minutes past seven, he takes his time to write some. As usual he kind of drifts off into the words and he hasn't even heard his girlfriend come into the room. When he finally looks up Brooke is in front of the mirror, brushing her hair, and he watches her with a smile on his face.

He loves her hair. It's thick and lustrous, and the natural waves in it frame her face perfectly. He wonders what color their baby's hair will be and again he silently hopes that their daughter will look just like her.

"Don't ever cut your hair Brooke" he says. "I love it when it's long like this."

She smiles back at him in the mirror and puts the brush down.

"No? Cause I was thinking of cutting in like a really short boyish hair-cut just in time for the prom…"

He makes a face and she giggles. He's not taking her seriously though. She loves her hair too and he knows that she probably had both her dress and hair-do figured for months already. With only four days until the big night she is probably set on every little detail.

"By the way" he says suddenly remembering. "What are you wearing? Can I see the dress?"

"Uh-uh" she answers and shakes her head so that the dark waves bounces around her face. "It's going to be a surprise. But it's olive-green, if you need to know for the flowers. And I've picked out suits for you and Nathan as well. Actually I did that weeks ago… But I guess we can return Nathan's."

She pulls her newly brushed hair up on top of her head and turns towards him, and he holds his breath. It's the logic thing to do because she's absolutely breathtaking.

"Brooke…" he says breathing out. "What am I going to do with you?"

He walks over grabs her by the loops of her jeans, pulling her towards him. Her laughter fades as he kisses her hungrily, their bodies quickly falling into a familiar frenzied rhythm. She hasn't had time to put a shirt on yet and she's only wearing her jeans and a lacy white bra. Now she presses against him, the two of them skin to skin, and his hands begin to dance over her body, slowing their pace.

He outlines invisible trails across her breasts and her round stomach, exploring every inch of her as if he is seeing her for the first time. A throbbing ache of want begins to spiral through him and he can feel her form starting to quiver, although she tries uselessly to rein it in. She's probably expecting him to pull away at any moment. But he doesn't.

"We'll be late…" she whispers and her hot breath is tickling the skin of his neck.

"I don't care. Let them wait."

He leans her back down on the bed and pulls the jeans that she's just put on back off. Her peach-soft skin looks tanned against the white sheets and he strokes her thigh slowly. It's past seven thirty and the room is only lit up by the street-lights outside but even in the semi-darkness her tattoo catches his eye. He trails the outlines of it with his finger and her lips curve into a sexy smile.

"Remember that night?" she asks huskily and he nods. How could he ever forget it? They have come so far since then but even now, seven months into her pregnancy, she still turns him on just as much as that first time. Honestly, even more…

Without saying anything he leans down and kisses the skin just above the Chinese symbol, then just below, and she shivers underneath him. His hand is still stroking her thigh but now on the inside and when he sticks out his tongue and lets it follow the tattoo's outline in the same path his finger just trailed, she moans.

He loves that sound. The soft moans that slip from her unconsciously, and the hitched breath when he moves his hand upwards her thigh a little more and swiftly brushes his fingers over her center.

He keeps his lips towards her skin, trails her stomach with kisses until he reaches the valley between her breasts. One of her hands has found its way to the back of his neck and she pulls him closer to her, while her other hand clutches handfuls of the white sheet.

"Don't tease me…" she breathes when he plays with the tip of his tongue around her nipple and he smiles before he finally sucks it into his mouth. When he lets go and she pulls him up to her own lips, he whispers; I'm not gonna tease you… I'm gonna please you. Believe me."

And he means it. Sure they would be late meeting Nathan, hell, maybe they wouldn't make it to board-game night at all… but Nathan would understand. With twins on the way his brother had to be aware of how little time parents to newborn babies had for themselves.

Brooke's free hand tugs at his basketball-shorts and he raises himself and steps out of them. While standing he looks at his girlfriend and spontaneously bursts out; "I'm a lucky bastard…"

She giggles and pulls him down again, seemingly satisfied that she almost has him naked too now.

"Why is that, Mr Scott?" she asks and caresses his toned abs with her fingertips.

"Because I've been seeing this girl for a while now… actually she is about seven months pregnant with my child." He leans in and kisses her. "And you know what? She is absolutely amazing… beautiful, smart, sexy…"

"You must really love her then…" Brooke purrs against his lips and as he leans down to kiss her belly, he says. "Yes, more than she'll ever know."

Her hands find their way into his short hair and her breathing becomes shallow as he kisses his way down between her thighs.

"Keep doing that and she will understand soon…" she whispers with a raspy voice just before he darts his tongue out and licks her center.

After that she doesn't do much more talking… and neither does he.

-----

* * *

Two more days passes and Haley is going nuts out of sheer boredom. How many soap-operas could a girl watch before she seriously went insane? Haley doesn't know, but she figures that after a couple of more days like this she will get the answer…

She knows that Nathan and all her friends does everything to keep her entertained, but lately Nathan's protectiveness is driving her somewhat crazy, and if she got one more visit from the girls on the cheer-squad she would soon climb the walls.

The only person that can even begin to understand how extremely bored she is, is Brooke. And Brooke's visits are also pretty much the only ones she looks forward to. Yet, as she listens to her brunette friend as she re-caps her school-day she can't help but to think that Brooke seems a little spaced out.

"Hey…" she says softly and interrupts Brooke mid-sentence. "I get it if you're bored and don't want to be here. I would have left already if I could."

But Brooke just shakes her head no.

"Sorry Hales. It's not that I'm bored hanging out here with you… I just keep having all these weird thoughts…"

"Like what?" she asks, suddenly curious. Brooke's mind is never predictable and maybe these 'thoughts' could make an interesting addition to her otherwise uneventful day.

Brooke seems to hesitate and Haley gives her an encouraging look. She is probably thinking about all the drama with her parents again, Haley thinks to herself. Today was after all the day when the results from the paternity test would be revealed. But when Brooke finally talks, she realizes that this has nothing to do with Brooke possible father.

"How would you feel if the twins came out and looked… well… not cute?"

Haley laughs. "What do you mean? All babies are cute."

But Brooke doesn't seem convinced. She also looks a little embarrassed as she continues.

"No they don't Haley. Some are actually really ugly… and what if I give birth to a kid that looks weird. She could get teased in school… and what if I can't connect with her you know…"

It's not that she doesn't get what Brooke is trying to say. It's just that she can't figure out where all of this is coming from. So she repositions herself on the bed so that she can give Brooke a hug and then she says;

"It's not possible for you and Luke to get an ugly baby hunnie. Your daughter is going to be a perfect doll and you know it! Just look at yourself Brooke. How could a baby that will be half you ever not be cute?"

Brooke sighs but at least she smiles now. "Thanks Tutor-mom. I'm just overly emotional I guess… I've been waiting for that stupid call from my mom the whole morning and I don't know… I guess I'm just worried that I'll mess up my baby's life just like my parents are messing up mine."

Right at that moment Brooke cell phone sounds from inside her purse and they both flinch from the loud signal. Haley watches as Brooke pulls the phone out and says "It's my mother…" Then her brunette friend slowly puts the cell to her ear.

"Hi mom…"

The room is quiet except for the silent murmur coming from Brooke's mother on the other end. Brooke nods now and again, mumbles a silent 'yes' or 'okay', and then, before Haley has any time to figure out what is being said, the conversation is over.

Brooke closes her cell phone and tiredly gets of the bed with her hand pressed against the small of her back.

"I need to go…" she says silently and starts to leave the room.

"Brooke… come on sweetie, tell me what she said…"

But her brunette friend just walks out and Haley is left watching her back as she disappears through the door. Sighing, she pulls out her own cell and punches in Lucas' number. And when he answers she just says;

"Luke, you need to call your girlfriend… Brooke's mom just called and she left looking all zoned out…"

-------------

Lucas is driving slowly up and down the streets in between the hospital and his mom's house in search for his girlfriend. After Haley called him he had tried Brooke's cell phone but it was turned off. He figured that she would come straight home, she usually came straight into his arms for protection when she felt sad even if she didn't always tell him the reason for her tears, but he had waited for half an hour and still no Brooke.

Another call to Haley confirmed that Brooke's little blue beetle was still parked in the hospital parking-lot, and that's when he decided to go look for her.

'She can't have walked that far…' he thinks. She is after all seven months pregnant. But then again, his girlfriend is as stubborn as a cold in the spring, and if she wanted to, he's sure she could walk all the way to New York, even in stiletto heals.

During the last fifteen minutes he has looked at the River Court, under the bridge where she and Peyton used to hang out and at the beach, but so far no sight of her. He isn't really worried, Brooke does this from time to time. But he guesses that she is sad and it pains him to think that she might be crying alone.

He hasn't realized what street he is driving down until Brooke's old house comes into view. It stands there, big and shiny white in the early summer sun, with the door as red as ever. And as he looks up the driveway, he sees her. On the side of her house there's a big oak-tree, and from one of it's branches hangs a swing he has never noticed before. Brooke is sitting on it, swinging slowly back and forth, and he parks the car and gets out.

She sees him walking up, but she doesn't say anything so he decides to give her a little more time. Instead he walks around the swing and starts to push it to give her speed, as if she was a little girl.

"I love you, you know…" he says softly and she mumbles;

"I know…"

For a couple of minutes this is all he does. Pushing her as she swings. But finally he has to ask.

"What did your mom say Brooke?"

She puts her feet down in the gravel to stop the swing and she turns to him. Her face has a somewhat melancholic expression but it doesn't look like she has been crying.

"I'm a Davis, alright…" she says calmly. "My dad is my biological father."

"Well… that's good, right?"

"I guess."

"Then why do you look so sad baby?" he asks softly and carefully holds her face between his hands. At first she's just silent and her eyes travel up to the house where she used to live, and to the window that had been hers.

"Last night I was lying awake thinking…" she finally says, still without looking at him. "…and I thought that if he wasn't my dad, then that would explain a lot of things. I mean, he never cared about me unless he needed me to be pretty at some social event, and I kept thinking that maybe it was because he somehow knew that I wasn't his…"

Lucas sighs and strokes away loose strands of hair from her face.

"Oh, pretty girl…"

"No, I'm okay" she says, raising her head a little. "It's just that now I have to realize once and for all that it has nothing to do with that. I have to come to terms with the fact that he's just not capable of loving me. Maybe it's my fault, or maybe he's just a heartless bastard. But either way…"

She stands up and finally lets him hold her. He hugs her for a long time, breathing in the scent of her shampoo and perfume, before whispering into her hair;

"It has _never_ been your fault Brooke. It's not possible for any normal human being _not_ to love you…"

Her pregnant belly presses into him and he smiles when he feels their baby kick even through two layers of clothing.

"At least now we know" she states and looks up one final time towards the house where she spent her childhood, and he gets that feeling again. The feeling of just wanting to reverse time and make sure she got the loving family she deserved. But he can't. So instead he bends down and kisses her temple.

"It wouldn't have mattered to me either way. I fell in love with the girl behind the red door, and I will always love her. Where ever she lives or whoever her parents are…"

And as she hugs him back, he continues whispering;

"We'll be a family soon Brooke… You, me and the baby."

_And I take the first step of a million more.  
And I'll make mistakes I've never made before.  
But at least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward.  
At least I'm moving forward, at least I'm moving forward._

-----------------

* * *

-

**Author's note**: That's the end of chapter 27, and I bet you're all sitting there thinking; 'So what happened to Peyton? What did she realize?' But don't worry, I'll get to that in the next chapter, which will also be prom-night in Tree Hill… And prom always calls for drama, right?

Keep the BL-faith!

/Lynn

**Thank you's:**

Tiffany Rae: You are amazing, you know that right? That review was nothing less then fantastic. So long and so thought through… And it's sooo okay that you are negative about the Peyton-thing and about them getting closer. Believe me, I'm negative too LOL. In the next chapter it all becomes a little clearer, I wonder what you will feel after that… ;)

Again, I LOVE your long reviews! LOVE THEM!!!

Marap: I love that all my girls from the thread has started popping up. Maybe I should be proud of this fic, but most of all I'm proud of having you all as my readers. Your review made me blush and I'm so happy now. Thank you.

B. Davis: Cami, lol, did you see this coming though? Me finally updating? I guess all the happiness in the thread finally got me to pull my foot out of my ass and produce a chapter. I love everyone of your reviews hunnie, and you know it. A chapter isn't a chapter until it has a review from you.

Brucasss: I agree, go Brucas! And was that enough BL-loving for you? LOL Thank you so much.

Jeytonbrucasnaley: Cheyenne, first of all, thanks for the review. ;) Second, I know I had two great opportunities for BL-sex and took none. This time (if you count GEFL) I had no opportunities, but managed to give you BL-sex either way… Lol, there must be something wrong with me.

Wishinonastar: Hannie, you're my rock! Thanks for your help last night and letting me ramble on about my problems with this story. And as always, thanks a million for a wonderful review!  
I laughed so much when I read your suggestions for names for the naley-babies… that could be confusing if anything… But of course it is genius, because well, you're genius!

Eemah93: No cliffhanger this time. LOL. And I haven't killed off Haley's babies either. What can I say? I'm simply a sucker for BL-love and since my other story has a kind of angsty approach to their relationship, then the romance in this is even more important. I love your reviews. Thank you.

Dolzegracia: Where the heck I am? LOL. Believe me, I wonder that too sometimes… Thanks for the review. It's nice to see that you're still reading this.

Denise: Sorry for depriving you of all the BL-hotness LOL. But you got some in this chapter, and even more in the latest update on GEFL, right? I'm so glad that you're still liking this story hun. And I love that you give me all these fantastic reviews…

BrookeScott134: Oh, don't die! I know I was bad for waiting so long with updating this but I hope I'll be faster this time. I don't even know why this update took me so long… Thank you so much for your review. They all make me update faster.

Laurrr: Thank you! I guess you'll have to wait a little longer for the naley-babies, but not that much longer… and I hope that the BL-love now makes up for interrupting it last chapter. :)

Brucas831: Welcome! You are in good company because I don't like all the Leyton on OTH either. You'll have to wait until next chapter to see what Peyton realized but I hope you'll keep reading this. Thanks.

Awhero: A cliffhanger huh? Then I bet you're kind of disappointed now… LOL. Well, all in due time, as they say. The slow BP interaction will pick up pace soon. Thank you so much for your review.

BrucasForeva: A huge thank you! I'm a fanfiction-addict too and I'm glad that you think I'm doing a good job with portraying their emotions. I hope that I will continue doing that. :)

Brucas333: Welcome to the story! I'm glad you've caught up and that you still like it.

Iluvmedou: Natalie, Welcome to my story! I'm so happy for your review because stiring emotion is just what I'm trying to do. To make people feel brooke and lucas… I hope I can do that in the upcoming chapters as well.

Loezzje, Eunice101, Brucas3, Naley4ever323, Sassha, catcat51092, treehillraven4life, courtneylovesjason, tardychick, SmileLikeYouMeanIt, BrucasIsl0ve3, Vanessa and MrsScott323: Thank you all soooo much. Every review you guys send me warms my BL-heart and gets me to want to update faster. I'm so grateful!


	28. What Makes You Different

**Author's note**: It's been a month and a half, I know… and believe me, I'm SO sorry. There are several reasons to why this update is so severely delayed but I'm not going to bore you with them (and most of you guys that know me already heard me whine about it without end LOL) Special thank you's go out to Casey for being the greatest test-reader ever and for finding me the chapter-song. To Cami for not giving up on me during this long hiatus, to my little Hannah and to Tiffany Rae for their amazing reviews. And to Cheyenne for the inspiration her stories give me. A huge thank you to everybody that's reviewed the last chapter and welcome to all you new readers.

The title of this chapter is from a song by the same name from Backstreet Boys. Now, let's just get on with the story, right? That is if you still remember what has happened? ;)

-

* * *

**CHAPTER 28 – What makes you different, makes you beautiful**

_You don't run with the crowd  
You go your own way  
You don't play after dark  
You light up my day  
Got your own kind of style  
That sets you apart  
Baby, that's why you captured my heart_

The day of Tree Hill high school's senior-prom comes with bright blue skies and a temperature of about 70 degrees. Brooke is out of bed even before the alarm-clock sounds and when Lucas awakes he hears her and his mother in the kitchen, excitedly discussing the pros and cons of curling-irons and straightners and whether or not Brooke should wear high heals.

'My mom must be ecstatic' he thinks and turns over in bed. He knows that his mom has always wanted a daughter and helping Brooke get ready for her prom-night must be like a dream come true.

Right then Brooke comes rushing through the door and she practically jumps on top of him in the bed. He laughs and wrestles her down so that he is on top before kissing her.

"Morning baby…" she murmurs and sucks in his bottom lip between her teeth. "Did you miss me?"

"Mmm-hmm." He nods, not being able to answer properly since she still has his lip caught, and he lets his hands slip in under her t-shirt. She makes a content sound as he roams her body and then kisses him deeply once more before pulling away.

"As strange as it may sound, I didn't come in her to make out with you, gorgeous" she says and sits up. "I just came to tell you that Rachel and I are leaving soon to go to the mall and then the hair-salon. …Oh, and just so that you know… We're bringing your mom along. I'm treating her to a haircut, a manicure and a pedicure. Who knows when she'll have time for it after the baby comes?"

He smiles and tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. "That's great Pretty girl. But are you sure you can't stay and make out some more first?"

He makes his best puppy-dog expression and pulls her down towards him again but Brooke just quirks her eyebrow at him.

"No Lucas, no can do. You know I have a busy day today… Places to see and people to do…"

Now it's his time to raise his eyebrow but she just winks and gets out of the bed.

"Don't forget your mission today boyfriend" she says before disappearing back out to the kitchen. "New Brunswick Airport at one o'clock. The flight is AA675 in case you forgot…"

The door closes behind her and he rolls over and buries his head in the pillow. Why did she have to come in and tease him like this? Now he would have to start his day by taking a cold shower…

----

Three hours, a long shopping-spree and a lunch later, Brooke and Rachel sit next to each other in the hair-salon. Brooke's hair is up on curlers and Rachel flips through a magazine while getting a pedicure.

Brooke looks around making sure that Karen is out of ears reach before saying in a low voice;

"You know what I think?"

Her redheaded friend looks up from her copy of 'In Touch'. "No, but I'm pretty sure you're going to tell me…"

Ignoring the sarcasm Brooke keeps going. "I think we should throw a huge baby-shower. I mean, including this baby" she says and points at her midsection, "four babies are about to be born. I think that's a good enough reason to arrange a party. Don't you?"

Rachel shrugs. "Why not, but how fun would it be really? No alcohol, no making out and probably no dancing either…"

"Don't be so pessimistic Rach! It could totally be fun, especially if you and I threw it."

Rachel shrugs a second time before going back to her magazine. "Sure hoe, whatever you say…"

Brooke's phone beeps in her bag and she picks it up to read the text that proves to be from Lucas.

'_Package' is here safely. We're meeting Nathan now but I'll see you later at home. I miss you… _

She smiles sheepishly and Rachel gives her a questioning look but she just waves the redhead off dismissingly.

"It's none of you're business tramp. Just go back to your gossip. I have stuff to take care of."

And as Rachel mumbles some grumpy comment back Brooke sends an answer to Lucas;

_You miss me huh? Be sure to have the package at prom by 11PM. I'll reward you later…_

-----

_I know sometimes you feel like you don't fit in  
And this world doesn't know what you have within  
When I look at you, I see something rare  
A rose that can grow anywhere  
And there's no one I know that can compare_

It's a quarter to six and Lucas paces back and forth in the kitchen. They've promised to swing by Haley at the hospital before meeting up the others and in order to make it there on time they need to leave pretty much right now. The rented car, complete with chauffeur, is waiting outside but the door to their bedroom is still closed and there is no sign of Brooke being finished anytime soon.

"Mom!" he yells, "tell her to hurry, we're gonna be late!"

His mother peaks her head out through the door for a quick second saying; "Five minutes…" and then he's back to pacing. Of course he's expecting the five minutes to become thirty but exactly seven minutes later his mom steps in to the kitchen smiling widely. And when she steps aside his jaw almost hits the floor.

"God Brooke…" he stutters. "You… I… you look… uhh…wow!"

For once his girlfriend actually blushes and he means wishes he could express himself better than just standing there with his mouth open like a complete idiot. His pretty girl looks like a fairy princess, a sexy fairy princess at that, and she's so perfect that he's almost scared to touch her.

"Did you actually make this dress baby?" he says and slowly lets his fingertips glide down the side of her body. She nods and he kisses her forehead, careful not to destroy her perfectly applied make-up.

"You Brooke Davis, are amazing. You know that right?"

She smiles proudly and fixes his tie. "So I've been told Lucas Scott, and you're not that bad yourself…"

-

The drive to the hospital is short and as they walk into the lobby and up to the second floor he still hasn't taken his eyes of her once. Haley and Nathan are waiting for them and as soon as they enter the room, Haley bursts out in a series of loud shrieks and compliments of Brooke's appearance.

Nathan just smiles crookedly and gives Lucas' shoulder a squeeze. "It's a good thing that you already got Davis knocked up…" he mocks. "Without that obvious belly every guy in town would be after her tonight."

And to that comment Lucas just smiles proudly. "Beautiful, huh?"

"Yeah, if that's even okay to say about my future sister-in-law…"

"You can say whatever you like Nate, just as long as you keep your hands off her."

The last comment is a joke of course but Lucas is still watching Brooke when he says it and because of that he doesn't see the embarrassed blush that creeps over Nathan's face or the way he clenches his jaw when he answers;

"Sure big brother, I'll keep that in mind.

-

"I'm so bummed that you both are going to miss our prom" Brooke whines to Haley a while later. "Me and Luke fixed this great surprise for Peyton and I wanted you to see her face…"

Haley looks confused. "For Peyton? I mean I knew you two have been trying to work things out but…"

Brooke rolls her eyes and looks a little embarrassed. "Yeah I know… She doesn't really deserve it. But you know what Hales? I'm happy. Really happy… And I guess this pregnancy is making me a little weak. I just want Peyton to be happy too, you know? I mean without kissing my boyfriend…"

She shrugs and Haley laughs. Nathan and Lucas step back into the room with some champagne-glasses and Haley pats Brooke's arm. "You're a great friend Brooke Davis, you know that right?"

"So are you tutor-girl, so are you…"

Lucas looks from Haley to Brooke and back again to Haley. The girls look almost teary-eyed and he figures that they had some kind of moment. So instead of making them even more emotional, he pops open the alcohol-free cider and pour some into four flutes.

He hands Nathan and Haley theirs and then hands the third one to Brooke.

"Here you go sexy" he says and winks at her and her eyebrow shoots up in that irresistible way when she answers;

"You do realize that you're prom-date looks like a fat blob, right?"

For the hundredth time since she came out of their bedroom wearing her prom-dress he just wants to turn around and go back home and undress her again.

"Yes I do" he mumbles "and I love it…" He's already pulling her in for a kiss, but she swats him away.

"Hey mister! Watch my make-up! It took some effort to look like this you know… and since I can't control this enormous belly I at least want to keep my lip-gloss!"

He pouts jokingly and instead places a couple of wet kisses along her bare neck and collarbone. A small sigh slips from her and Haley laughs tiredly.

"Newsflash; there are people in the room with you… God, you two are hopeless!"

She makes room next to her on the bed and Brooke sits down. Nathan pats Lucas' back and with a great interpretation of Tim, he jokingly says;

"So you think you'll hit that tonight?" He points at Brooke who in turn raises her eyebrow and answers in Lucas' place.

"By the looks of things Natey, I think he already did…"

--

They leave the hospital a little earlier than planned since Haley is tired, but they are still late to meet up with Rachel, Mouth, Bevin and Skills outside of the school. Lucas helps Brooke out of the car and she watches him from the corner of her eye. He looks stunning and she laughs to herself. 'Who would have thought…' she thinks. 'Who would have thought that we'd still be here together, back when he gave me that Steinbeck-book…'

He smiles back, even though he probably doesn't have a clue what she's thinking and she lets him guide her over to the entrance. It's warm outside but she shivers and he wraps his arm around her. It's as if he can feel that she is nervous, because just as they walk through the portal into the make-shift ballroom he stops her. And while slowly rubbing her arms up and down, he says;

"You look beautiful Brooke. There isn't a guy in here that wouldn't want to be me tonight."

The feeling of looking like a stranded whale lessens when he looks at her like that and her tense shoulders drop a little. Still she can't help but ask.

"But don't you feel like we're a total cliché tonight Luke? The popular basketball-jock and his pregnant cheerleader girlfriend at prom together… What if Haley is right and we win Prom-king and queen? People are going to laugh."

"No they're not." Lucas shakes his head and looks at her seriously. "No one is going to laugh Brooke. And of course you'll win prom-queen. You've earned it. Hopefully you'll save me a dance…"

His hands find their way from her rounded belly up to her face and she smiles.

"Come on Pretty girl, let's go inside…" he whispers. And as he carefully holds her face, rubbing his nose against hers, she feels almost amazingly safe. Like nothing in the world could ever go wrong. She leans up and kisses him, all thoughts about ruining her make-up gone, and then she laughs. She doesn't even know why, maybe she's just really happy, but the laugh comes spontaneously and after a moment he joins her. And then she hears the photographer;

"Look this way lovers!"

They both turn just in time for the flash and she knows that the picture is perfect.

Somewhere from the side she hears Rachel shout; "Hey hoe, you know that picture is so going into the yearbook!"

_What makes you different, makes you beautiful  
What's there inside you, shines through to me  
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need  
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me_

Peyton watches Lucas and Brooke step in through the ice-portal. They look amazing together, like flawless opposites. The blond and the brunette, the calm and the bubbly, the handsome boy with his beautiful girlfriend. She sees them laugh at something, probably at Rachel and Mouth that walked in just before them, and Lucas has his arm draped securely around Brooke's waist as if he wants to protect her but at the same time just wants to keep her close for egocentric reasons. When the photographer takes his picture they both smile widely into the lens, and the smiles are far away from the other couples nervous posing.

The dress Brooke wears is gorgeous. Tight around the chest but then flowing freely over the baby-bump. It's in a light green color that brings out her eyes and makes them shine even more than usual and aware that Brooke made the dress herself Peyton feels proud. Her former best friend sure does have a talent when it comes to fashion.

Then the couple moves onward into the decorated hall and Brooke laughs so loud that her pearly laughter is heard even over the music. Brooke had always had a contagious laugh, bubbly and genuine. And feeling herself smile Peyton remembers all the times when that exact laugh had been the only thing that could bring out her own giggle.

They had been attached at the hip since kindergarten, herself and Brooke, and after her mother passed away their friendship had only gotten stronger. Brooke had always understood her, and right now when she looks into the brunette girl's green eyes she thinks that maybe she still will. Or at least she hopes so. Because tonight she needs to tell Brooke something and she is more than aware that it won't really be appreciated.

She sighs as she watches Lucas lead Brooke in front of him with his hand on the small of her back and the couple joins their friends over by the tables. Their friends. Her own friends.

She takes a couple of deep breaths and follows them.

---

"There's one thing that really sucks with high school parties…" Rachel says grumpily and spins her plastic cup of punch in her hand. They've been at prom for merely an hour and the redhead already seems bored.

Brooke makes a face as if saying; 'what now?' and Rachel shrugs with an annoyed look.

"You _know_ what I mean Brooke. If you didn't have Luke then you'd feel the exact same way…"

They're both silent for a moment and in the same breath they both sigh and say;

"No cute boys…"

A couple of guys standing next to them clear their throats to get attention but Brooke and Rachel both give them their signature look of death and the boys scamper off quicker then one could think possible. Brooke doesn't even look at them long enough to see them go, instead she scouts the room for a possible hook-up for Rachel.

"Maybe you should try out the boyfriend-thing?" she says and winks cutely to a boy in their parallel class that at least looks half decent. "It's not as boring as you think…"

"Advise from the pregnant cheerleader?" Rachel mocks. "Nuh, I'm not girlfriend-material. I get bored easily."

Brooke nods knowingly but then she suddenly sees something and she points not so discretely at a guy standing over by the punch-bowl.

"He is totally hot, Rach!" she says in a theatre-whisper. "Is he even from our school?"

Rachel follows her gaze and Brooke can see a slight interest flash across her face. It's just a quick change in the redhead's nonchalant facial expression but it's enough to tell Brooke that Rachel agrees on the cuteness-factor.

"Maybe he's new?"

He's vaguely familiar. Dark-brown messy hair, jeans that are a little baggy and a black suit-jacket over a t-shirt. It's not really prom-attire, kind of more of a skater-boy look. Brooke watches him laugh with some guys from her calculus-class, trying to figure out were she's seen him before, and then Bevin and Theresa comes up beside them.

"Chase Adams…" Bevin says and rolls her eyes. "I can't believe he's a Clean Teen."

Finally it falls into place and Brooke laughs. So that's where she'd seen him? With Shelley and the others when Rachel spread her pregnancy-news to the Clean Teen-squad.

"Rachel, you should totally grab that boy and corrupt him" she says and claps her hands with newfound excitement, but before Rachel can answer, they get interrupted. Principal Turner has walked up on stage and as the music fades the crowd in the hall goes silent.

"Ladies and gentlemen… it's time to announce this year's Prom-king and queen."

Out of the corner of her eye she sees the Chase-guy watching them. She smirks back at him and sees Rachel do the same. 'Clean Teen, huh?' she thinks. What a joke. And more importantly, what a waste of a cute ass.

She looks back up towards the stage and as scattered applause start sounding, Bevin nudges Brooke in the side.

"Where's Lucas? You two need to get up on stage!"

"Cut it out Bev, I'm not getting the prom-queen title. I'm pregnant, remember?"

But Bevin and Rachel both just roll their eyes and Teresa sighs; "Sure Brookie… Whatever you say…"

And then the spotlight hits them as Principal Turner's voice echoes in the hall.

"Prom king and queen of class -07 are… Lucas Scott… and… Brooke Davis!"

As Lucas comes up behind her and puts his arm around her to guide her up to the stage, she suddenly remembers when Nathan played that videotape of Dan and Karen to mock Lucas at the post-game party their junior year. And she distinctly remembers sitting on the stairs in Nathan's parents' house with Peyton talking about it. Now, when thinking back on what they said, it almost makes her blush.

_Brooke slumped down next to Peyton, drunk and a little slurry._

"_What are you doing?" she asked and tried to sneak a peak at what it was Peyton was reading. _

_Her curly blonde friend __looked up from the old yearbook and sighed; _

"_I'm just wondering if we're all gonna end up like Karen…"_

"_Who's Karen again?" _

"_It's Lucas' mom."_

_Brooke quirked her eyebrow and nudged Peyton playfully. "Not with proper birth-control we won't." But Peyton had just rolled her eyes._

"_That's not what I meant… She was our age when that tape was made Brooke. In a lot of ways we're just like her… Don't you think it's awful how she just let Nathan's dad treat her like crap?"_

_Brooke sighed and looked annoyed. "Yeah Peyton, it is awful. But that doesn't mean that we're like her… Maybe that just means that you're like her…" _

If she had known that she would stand here on her own prom-night, over seven months pregnant, then maybe she wouldn't have been so cocky.

Principal Turner places the tiara on her head and Lucas beams proudly beside her. 'Wow…' she thinks and almost bursts out in laughter. 'The irony of this is almost ridiculous… I'm knocked up by Dan's and Karen's son…'

------

After the 'crowning-ceremony' Brooke walks into the empty girls bathroom and puts her purse down on the counter. And looking at herself in the mirror she's content. It's been an amazing night so far. And apart from the fact that she never thought she'd be pregnant on her high school prom it is all like she had imagined it, maybe even better.

She hums to the distant music while reapplying her make-up and then she picks up her cell and calls the number to Haley's room in the hospital. It's late but she's sure Haley won't mind. She spends all her days resting anyway and Brooke wants to tell her about becoming prom-queen and about Mouth being hammered and kissing Rachel.

But the signals just keep sounding on the other end and finally she snaps the phone shut, thinking that both Haley and Nathan are asleep.

She is on her way back out into the party when Peyton comes into the bathroom and Brooke smiles widely. A night like this the past months of arguing seems really distant.

"Hi Peyt. I was looking for you a little while ago. Where have you been? Kissing boys?"

She thinks about how surprised Peyton is going to get once she sees what Lucas and herself has done but then she realizes that Peyton looks kind of nervous and she starts thinking that maybe Peyton accidentally found her 'gift' by herself. She's just about to ask the blonde girl what she thought about it when Peyton says;

"Brooke, I need to talk to you…"

Peyton's voice doesn't hold the expected happiness and Brooke frowns.

"Sure Peyton… I'm just surprised that you're hiding in the bathroom. I thought you two would be glued to each other by now…"

Now it's Peyton's turn to look confused. "What? Who? I've been looking for you too because I really need to tell you something, but if this is a bad time…"

Brooke shakes her head laughing. "Not at all goldilocks. We'll talk and then we'll go find you're surprise. Just promise me that you won't tell me that you've kissed Lucas."

In the back of her head she is aware that Peyton seems serious but her mood is way too good and she won't let her self be pulled down to the blonde's broody level.

Peyton clears her throat, not even picking up on the joke Brooke just handed her and then she looks down on the marble floor.

"So I've been thinking a lot lately… uhm… Do you remember that morning of Nathan and Haley's wedding day, when you came over to my house and got your things? When you ended our friendship?"

Feeling confused, Brooke thinks back;

"_Brooke… Don't go. Please…" Peyton begged from the door and as Brooke kept stuffing things in her bag she hissed;_

"_I don't want to, but I have to..."_

_The curly blonde girl she'd known most of her life seemed almost desperate. "Okay, alright… Just stop! …What do I have to do to fix this? Brooke, I'll do anything! …I don't want you to go…"_

_Putting the last piece of clothing in the bag and zipping it up, Brooke slowly looked up._

"_You know… you asked me earlier today it I loved Lucas… And I have your answer. But you don't deserve to hear it…" _

_Her heart felt like ice. In her purse she carried the pregnancy-test she'd taken earlier, the one that told her that her life was now officially a fucking mess, and the only person that she would have wanted to lean on in this moment was standing five feet away, completely breaking her heart. And there was no way in hell she would ever let her know just how deeply she had hurt her. _

"_Brooke…" Peyton's voice was cracking up but Brooke squinted and took another step towards the door._

"_No! I want you to understand something… As far as I'm concerned, this friendship is over… And if we never speak again for the rest of our lives, that'll be fine!"_

_When she reached the door she stopped and turned and she saw that the blonde girl's eyes were filled with tears. She tried to feel sad, tried to find the slightest bit of empathy for Peyton, but inside of her there was just black anger and emptiness. She took a better grip of her bag and bore her eyes into Peyton one last time._

"_I gave you a second chance Peyton… And you blew it."_

_Then she left without looking back._

Of course she remembers, she remembers it like if it was yesterday. It would be weird if she didn't, because it wasn't like as if losing her BFF was something she did every day. But on the other hand, as she stands here in the bathroom at prom-night, slowly stroking her pregnant belly, she can't help but to feel like that day had been so long ago. Nathan's and Haley's wedding-day was only a little more than six months ago but it felt like an eternity.

"I didn't end our friendship Peyton…" she says calmly. "You did that the night before when you decided that your need to explore your 'feelings' was more important than the bond you and I had."

Something in Peyton's face falls. "I know I fucked it up Brooke… And I know that you have no reason to believe anything I say, but you don't know how screwed up I was back then… I've talked to my brother a lot lately and I realized a lot of things…"

"Like what?"

"Like the fact that I can't really stand being alone. And that my fear of people leaving makes me do strange things…"

With a sigh Brooke nods. "I know this Peyton. None of this is news to me and I could have told you this a long time ago… But what's your point?"

"My point is that I lied. Lucas is a great guy… a great friend… but I've never loved him like you did. Like you do…"

"What?" Brooke frowns. Had she heard Peyton correctly?

The blonde girl in front of her seems hesitant and nervous. And for a second she really wishes the plastic cup of alcohol-free punch that she's holding would instead contain pure tequila.

"Yeah… You know, the first time I really grasped how you felt about him was that night at the beach when he had just moved to Charlotte. You and I spent the entire day on your dad's boat and then we made that bond-fire and we burnt his letter, remember?"

Brooke nods, feeling like she is having a weird out of body experience, and Peyton continues.

"Well, when the letter caught fire I laughed. But you just looked so sad. So lonely… You still wanted him back so much, even after what me and him did to you…"

The anger pools in Brooke's chest, almost making it hard for her to breathe. "Then why the hell did you KISS him in that library Peyton?! And WHY would you tell me you had feelings for him? I mean, you must have KNOWN that it would ruin my relationship with him!"

Her pulse is speeding and unconsciously she puts a hand on her rounded belly as if to shield her daughter from her rising stress-level. Peyton frowns and her cheeks turn the shade of rosy embarrassment as she looks down into the table.

"I… uhm… We had so much fun that night, you and I… and then suddenly he just stood there. And it all stopped. We went back to the stiffness and awkwardness, back to the trust-issues and insecurities… and I couldn't take it. During all the months you were with him your second time I felt so left out. _We_ used to be the perfect opposites Brooke, you and _me_. But it all changed. Suddenly _he_ was the one that you made laugh and he was the one that kept _you_ grounded… He became your best friend…"

Brooke just stands there silently, trying to understand. Because in truth she wants nothing more than to actually find a reason for all the months of tears and heartbreak that had been the result of Peyton's doings.

"I loved Jake, Brooke… but he just kept leaving me. And I was so lost without you… Lucas always saved me and I figured that if I broke the two of you up, then I'd have both you and him. And to my defense, I kind of had the 'ball' first… I mean, you and I, we've conquered worse things with all our parent-issues and stuff, and I thought you'd get over him… I thought we could go back to hoes over bros…"

Then the curly blonde that Brooke used to feel so close to, starts crying and Brooke just stands there feeling more confused then ever before. And in between Peyton's sobs she can hear her saying;

"I kissed him because of you Brooke… because I was so scared of losing your friendship again… I know I was wrong… and I'm sorry…"

Brooke realizes that she has backed herself up against the counter in an unconscious effort to create space between herself and the blonde, and now she lets out the breath she's been holding and takes a step forward again.

"You're right," she says silently. "You were wrong. If you wanted to protect our friendship, then kissing my boyfriend was probably the last thing you should have done. And actually, do you know what else you were wrong about Peyton? You didn't _have him first._ The 'ball' as you so eloquently refer to him as, actually has his own free will. And even so, I asked you several times whether or not you had feelings for him before I went for him and you assured me that you didn't. So I'd say that leaves you without right to claim."

Suddenly feeling more tired than angry Brooke lifts her purse off of the bathroom counter.

"And for all that other stuff you just told me… I loved you like a sister P… maybe I still do, and that's why it hurts so much to know that you did all this on purpose… You can't expect me to fall into your arms and cry happy tears when you've just stated that my heart got broken twice and I almost lost the guy I love because you felt a little left out! You could have told me Peyton! You could have just fucking told me…"

Peyton sobs heavily and tries to break in but Brooke just raises her hand.

"No. You know what Peyton? I actually thought that we were getting somewhere. But you just landed us back at square one… I need to think about this."

She turns and heads for the door. But then she stops.

"Oh, and by the way… Jake is at the entrance waiting for you. Me and Lucas brought him here  
because I thought it would make you happy. But I guess he isn't your 'ball'… I suggest you go out and try and explain this to him…"

---

After her run-in with Peyton, Brooke went back out to find Lucas and the other, and she forced herself to push the anger she was feeling to the back of her head. Now the night is drawing towards its end and Brooke sways slowly to the music, wrapped in Lucas' arms. She's tired but she wants the night to last as long as possible. And when Lucas kisses her temple and whispers; "Do you wanna go home?" she just shakes her head.

Her big belly makes it rather hard to be close but at least she's not as big as Haley. If she were, then slow-dancing this way with her boyfriend would be impossible.

Over by the tables beside them she can see Rachel, Bevin and Skills laughing at something and she figures that Mouth and Fergie must be over at the bar. A little further away she recognizes a blond curly head and next to that a brown one. And even though she is still upset at Peyton she's secretly happy that they seem to be talking things out, especially for Jake's sake. Which ever way it ended tonight between him and Peyton this talk had definitely been needed.

"You're watching them, aren't you?" Lucas murmurs and she can feel him smiling against her cheek.

"No I'm not."

Her boyfriend ignores her answer and hugs her a little tighter. "Whatever happens, you did good Brooke" he says.

And she really hopes that he's right.

_You don't know how you touched my life  
Oh in so many ways I just can't describe  
You taught me what love is supposed to be  
You saw the little things and you believed in me  
_

When Brooke thinks about it, she has known Jake for most of her life. They hadn't been close but he had in a way always been there, and during their sophomore and junior year he had become a real friend. So when he called out of the blue one day a little over a month ago she had been almost as excited as Lucas.

The first couple of times he called he had just talked to Lucas but then she happened to be the one to pick up the phone, and before she knew it, she and Jake were having long phone-conversations catching up on missed time.

She found out that he still lived in Savannah and that he had gone back to taking high school classes. He and Niki had finally made peace and they now had joint custody which pretty much meant that they had Jenny every other week. Herself and Lucas had in turn told Jake about the baby and to that news he simply laughed, said congratulations and then admitted that he was surprised that it hadn't happened sooner.

And then one day, about two weeks ago when she sat at the back-porch and talked to him while Lucas finished up some garden-work for Karen, the question she had waited for all along finally came.

"_So… How's Peyton doing?"_

_Jake's voice sounded casual on the other end but Brooke knew that it was hard for him. If it weren't, then he wouldn't have waited this long to ask._

"_Well, we don't really talk that much to be honest… I mean up until a couple of weeks ago we didn't talk at all. But she seems okay. And we're working on being friends again__…"_

_Brooke shifted on the back-porch hammock and took a sip of her ice tea. The cordless phone was pinned between her chin and shoulder and she could hear him sigh on the other end._

"_I'm sorry you two have been arguing. You two used to be so close…"_

"_It's not your fault Jake. And Peyton is old enough to own up to her own actions. She should have known that betraying my trust a second time would do this…"_

"_Yeah…" Jake hesitated. "Talking about Peyton… is she dating anyone?"_

_Brooke smiled to herself. "No, not since she went to visit you last fall. She came home from Savannah, told me she thought that she loved Lucas… and after that; nothing."_

_Jake laughed dryly into the receiver and Brooke felt so sorry for him. In a way he was the only one that could really understand how she had felt when she broke up with Lucas, and even why she had done it. The complete heartbreak of letting the one you loved go because you were sure the person loved someone else._

_She squinted against the sunlight and watched as Lucas watered the garden plants under Karen's strict supervision. Her Lucas. The father of her baby, and lately she had even thought; the love of her life. _

_Now she had the one that she wanted, but Jake hadn't been that lucky…_

_It was a hot day, one of the first predicting a very hot summer, and while thinking, she admired Lucas' naked upper body, already tanned in the early summer sun. Right then he looked up and smiled at her. A bright smile that was reserved only for her, and suddenly it hit her._

"_For what ever it's worth, I think she still loves you Jake" she said and smiled back at Lucas. "I know that you don't believe me… but I've seen how she looks at you and I've never seen her look at Lucas that way."_

"_Brooke…" _

_Jake sounded tired but she sat up straight in the hammock and interrupted him again, excited about her own realization._

"_No seriously. When I finally started trusting Lucas for real again and actually let him back into my heart, it wasn't because of all his longwinded love-speeches… even though they were kind of cute and all, but that's not the point. It was more because when I looked into his eyes I could see that he loved me and that he really meant it when he said that he would never hurt me on purpose again…" _

_She followed Lucas with her eyes while he watered the rosebushes and put down her empty glass before continuing. _

"_Peyton looks at you the same way Jake… She might have thought that she loved Lucas, and maybe she did in the beginning, but I still think that she loves you more."_

Lucas murmuring sweet nothings into her ear brings her back to reality. He places little butterfly kisses along her jaw line and she closes her eyes and relaxes even more against him. Every little kiss send tingles through her body but for once it doesn't make her want to drag him into the nearest janitors-closet and rip off his clothes. It just makes her want to stay in this moment with him.

"I wish my feet didn't hurt so much" she whispers as his kisses start creeping their way down her neck. "I want to keep dancing like this all night…"

"Don't worry Pretty girl. I'll carry you to the car. That way you can keep dancing a little longer."

His hand caresses her lower back and she leans her head against his chest.

"Have I told you that I love you lately Broody?" she asks and slides her fingers into his hair, once again looking over at the couple in the corner. "Because if I haven't, then I want you to know that I really do. Very much…"

He backs half a step and she looks up at him, seeing exactly that look in his eyes that she had tried to explain to Jake. And for a second there's just the two of them. Caught in their own Kodak-moment.

_  
What makes you different, makes you beautiful  
What's there inside you, shines through to me  
In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need  
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me_

Then there's a loud crash and they look over in time to see Mouth falling off the table. Rachel excitedly holds up a disposable camera and shouts;

"Mouth did riverdance on the table and I've got picture-proof! I swear, this is SO going into the yearbook!"

And after that they all break out in hysterical laughter.

----

Lucas and Brooke sneak into the silent house at 3AM in the morning and they both have their hands over their mouths to silent their giggling. They tip-toe through the hallway not to wake up Karen, but then they see that the kitchen light is on and Lucas stops.

"Mom?" he tries in a hushed voice but the house is still as silent as when they came in so he calls a little louder before opening the door to his moms bedroom and finding it empty he starts to get a little worried. Where would she go in the middle of the night? He freezes when he thinks that something might have happened with the baby and right then Brooke calls him from the kitchen.

"Lucas! She left a note… It says that she's gone to the hospital!"

-------

* * *

-

**Author's note**: Pretty long, huh? Please tell me what you think. ;) Love /Lynn


	29. A Little Too Early, A Little Too Late

**Author's note: **Not that long hiatus this time, huh? Just barely a month… LOL  
See, I _do_ listen to you guys. And by the reviews from chapter 28 I understood that a seven weeks long hiatus was not really appreciated by you all. So this time it took four weeks, and for next chapter's update I'm aiming for less than two. ;)

This chapter goes out to the wonderful Hilary who is a fantastic writer. Thank you so much hun for all the great convos lately. And thanks to all of you that reviewed last chapter. I was honestly amazed that you've all stuck with this story, even though I didn't update for so long.

Let's start where the last chapter left off. The title is after a song by Lita Ford.

-

* * *

**CHAPTER 29 – A little too early, a little too late**

Lucas swings the doors to the maternity-wing on Tree Hill Memorial Hospital open and rushes through the empty corridor. Brooke is right behind him, barefoot but still in her prom-dress, and he feels bad for dragging her out like this. She must be close to exhaustion since the watch on his wrist shows 3.30 in the morning, but he needs to make sure his mother is okay.

During the car-ride over to the hospital he had horrible flashbacks of when Brooke almost miscarried and all the fears surrounding his girlfriend's health that lately has lessened is now back full force, mixing with the worry over what has happened to his mom.

Suddenly he sees Nathan in the hallway and he almost jogs up to him.

"Where's my mom?" he asks his brother breathlessly. "Is she and the baby alright?"

Nathan looks confused, almost zoned out, and shakes his head as if to clear it. "Uhm… Your mom? I thinks she's in with Haley… and the _babies_ are down in the NICU. There's two of them, remember?"

"What do you mean? With Haley… why?"

His head feels like it's about to explode and he can't get his thoughts in order. Nathan's words don't make sense at all and it's not until Brooke puts her hand over her mouth in a shocked motion and gasps; "Haley had the babies!" that he understands.

His mother wasn't here for her own sake, she was here for Haley's. And this new realization doesn't make him the least bit calmer.

"Oh my god Nathan!" he says and drives his hand through his already messy hair. "What happened? Is she alright?"

This is not good, he thinks, not good at all. Haley still had seven weeks to go and since she carried twins the babies were bound to be smaller than average. When he and Brooke left the hospital merely ten hours ago, Haley had been fine. Tired yes, but okay, and the babies had been safely inside her. And now? Now they were in the NICU?

"They had to give her an emergency C-section around nine o'clock. Joshua's heart-rate was dropping and they needed to get the babies out…"

Nathan sighs and on the side of him Lucas can hear Brooke breathing, still with her hand over her mouth. Unconsciously he wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her into a protective hug.

"I called you like a hundred times" his brother keeps going, "but your phone was turned off and I didn't have Brooke's new cell phone number… I was kind of freaking out, but then I got a hold of your mom and she came down here… She's been a rock. I don't know how I would've managed without her…"

Lucas quickly gets his cell out of his pocket and seeing that the display is black he curses silently.

"Damn it, my battery is dead… I'm sorry Nate, we had no idea."

Nathan nods. "It's okay. Haley is awake now and she's alright. Come on, I'll take you to her."

-

The first sight of Haley in the hospital-bed calms Lucas nerves a little. Not that he didn't believe his brother when he said she was alright, but seeing it for himself is better and he smiles at her.

Brooke rushes past him and envelopes Haley in a careful hug that still makes his best friend flinch a little and he thoroughly looks her over.

"Are you okay Haley?"

"I'm alright… a little sore, but they have great pain-meds here."

She smiles back at him and Brooke, half couragesly half sad, and he hurts for her.

"And how are the boys?" he cautiously asks and Haley hands him and Brooke two small Polaroid-pictures.

"They're stable. James is breathing on his own and Joshua just gets a little extra oxygen."  
She smiles with threatening tears gleaming in her eyes. "Nathan says that Josh has my nose, isn't that right baby? And James is apparently great at kicking out his IV-line."

Nathan just sits silently in his chair but Haley keeps going;

"The doctor says that seven weeks early is not that unusual when it comes to twins. And we kind of knew that they'd be here early… I just didn't think it would be so sudden…"

Brooke strokes Haley over the hair and he watches the pictures over his girlfriends shoulder. They're a little blurry and dark but he can clearly see the two little babies in their plastic isolates. They seem too small and fragile and he quickly looks away, not wanting to see their little red arms and legs full of tubing.

The room feels almost too small, like if it's filled with too much worry, and although Lucas just wants to run out of there he slowly sits down on the bed next to his childhood friend and takes her hand.

"Hales…" he says softly. "It's gonna be okay you know… They're gonna be fine."

Haley nods and in the corner of his eye he sees Brooke closing her eyes and drawing a deep breath, then his girlfriend walks over to Nathan and intertwines her fingers with his.

"I want to see them in person, Nathan" she says and starts pulling him out of the chair. "Will you take me?"

His brother looks at his wife and Haley nods again, smiling slightly. And Lucas feels proud over the fact that Brooke sounds so calm. He himself isn't sure he could handle seeing the babies yet, not since seeing the Polaroid of them attached to all those tubes and stuff, but at the same time he knows that Brooke is doing the right thing.

"You two go" he says to Nathan. "Mom and I will stay her with Haley. Right Hales?"

And even though Nathan looks a little hesitant, he walks over and kisses Haley's forehead before starting to leave.

"I'll bring you back some new photos" he says before following Brooke out the door.

Once the door closes behind them Haley lets out a big sigh and Lucas squeezes her hand. She seems okay for just having had major surgery but he guesses that on the inside she isn't as calm as she looks. His mom silently mumbles something about getting coffee and disappears too and all of a sudden it's just the two of them.

"Nathan is really scared" Haley mumbles and squeezes his hand back. "I'm glad you and Brooke came because he really needs all the support he can get."

"And you don't?" he lovingly mocks her before growing serious again. "Seriously Hales, I'm sorry we couldn't come sooner. My cell phone batteries went dead and Brooke had her purse at the tables while we were dancing… if we would have known then we would have been here…"

He really feels bad for not being there for her and his brother but as always his best friend has a heart of gold.

"In a way I'm glad that you didn't get Nathan's messages Luke… I'm really glad that you got to enjoy prom without any interruptions. Brooke needed that. …And you're here now, right? That's all that matters. Nathan had Karen when I was in surgery so everything worked out fine."

Shivering he whispers; "But what if something had gone wrong Hales? I would have never forgiven myself…"

"Don't think like that. You said it yourself, everything is gonna be fine… the babies are gonna be fine!"

There's a need in her voice that makes him nod and quickly reassure her that she's right. But in the back of his head he worries. And he thinks that if it was his daughter that was down in the NICU he would probably not be mentally stable. He would probably go insane.

He forces a smile and nods, thinking that his façade is probably pretty see-through. But Haley seems to buy it and leans back against the pillow looking less strained.

"Now tell me about the Prom" she says. "You and Brooke got 'king and queen' right? And what did Peyton say when she saw Jake?"

-

Brooke and Nathan walk slowly down the empty corridors towards the NICU. Her arm rests around his lower back and he has his arm draped around her shoulders. They walk in silence, partly because none of them knows what to say, but also because the closeness without words is rather comforting. But when they're almost outside of the door to the Neonatal Unit Nathan finally opens his mouth and says;

"They're way too small you know…"

He sounds lost, his voice is a little shaky, and Brooke looks up at him. She has known Nathan for a long time and she's not used to seeing him scared but right now his eyes tells her that he is. And instead of mumbling a lot of useless words of faked comfort she turns towards him and wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him close.

"Come here Nate…" she hushes and hugs him tightly. At first he just stands there, but then she hears him let out a big sigh and he hugs her back. She slowly combs through the hair at his neck with her fingers and keeps holding him until he has had time to gather himself.  
When he lets go he's almost looking his usual strong self.

"Are you sure you want to see them?" he asks and she nods seriously.

"Of course I do Nathan, why wouldn't I? They're my godsons, remember?"

And even though she is pretty sure she knows what he means, because she guesses that it will be hard to see the little boys that weren't really ready yet, she still nudges him in the side and smiles. "I bet they are super-handsome, right? Players, just like their dad…"

Nathan smiles to, almost kind of gratefully, and pushes the door open.

"Okay then, miss fairy godmother. Lets go…"

They wash up thoroughly in a small space in between and once she gets through the second door, loud beeping noises fill the air. There is about ten isolates in the room and she follows Nathan over to the far end. A nurse smiles at her and she smiles back, feeling a little like an intruder in this strange place. But then she looks down into the first isolate and her eyes widen.

"Hi Josh!" she gushes at the tiny tiny infant in the plastic cubicle. "I'm your godmother! And you just look exactly like your tutor-mom, don't you…"

-

Nathan looks at Brooke in amazement. How does she now that the baby is Joshua? And how can she seem so calm? The brunette girl gushes over his son as if this was a perfectly normal situation, not a least bit intimidated of all the medical equipment around them, and suddenly he just wants to hug her again. Hug her and thank her for actually behaving like this is a happy moment.

"Aww Nathan…" she sighs giggling "He's looks like a little elf! Look at his ears! Does James have pointy ears too?"

She waves at his first-born son saying; "I'll be right back cutie, I just have to go meet your brother" before walking the few steps over to the next isolate.

Surprised that he can, he finds himself laughing. He hasn't noticed that Josh has pointy ears but when Brooke says it he realizes that it's actually true. And for the first time tonight he looks at his little boys and sees more of the little persons that they actually are instead of just seeing sick little babies in the NICU.

"And look at James!" Brooke keeps going. "Aren't you the big guy, huh? I wonder if you have your daddy's temper. You sure do have his big feet…"

"How do you know that's James?" he asks still smiling and Brooke turns to him and gives him a look saying 'duh'.

"He looks just like you, stupid! And I saw the Polaroids, remember? Haley told me who was who."

"Yeah, but still…"

He goes silent again and just stays looking at Brooke while she gets acquainted with his babies, and he thinks that what ever worries that Lucas had expressed a couple of months ago about Brooke not being very motherly was just crap. To him it's almost amazing how much she has grown just over the last two years. Neither of them, Brooke or himself, were the same people that they used to be.

Party-Brooke seemed to have evolved into a calmer, more self-assured version and this new Brooke would make a perfect mother, as well as wonderful godmother to his sons. This is something he's completely sure of.

And snapping some pictures for his waiting wife, he thinks; "If Haley wants it that way, verything else can stay buried until the end of time…"

------

It's already 9 o'clock in the morning before Brooke and Lucas finally fall into bed at home and Lucas holds his girlfriend tightly, still a little shaken up by the last hours of emotional roller-coaster. His right hand stays firmly against the lower part of her belly and he's reassured and comforted by the on and off kicking from inside.

"Now, make sure you stay put in there…" he whispers down towards Brooke's midsection and Brooke tiredly kisses his neck.

"Don't brood honey…" she mumbles. "I'm not going to be able to sleep if you brood…"

"I'm not brooding. I'm just informing my baby how the rest of this pregnancy is going to go down. I'm just making sure that she knows that I'm the daddy and that I make the decisions…"

Brooke laughs a little and turns to look at him. She looks sleepy and he rubs his nose against her cheek, breathing in the scent of her.

"So it's _your_ baby now?" she says. "Well could you please stop doing that right now? _Your__baby_ won't sleep if you keep talking to her, and if she doesn't sleep, then I won't be able to either…"

He pulls her even closer and actually tries closing his eyes for a while but sleep won't come. He's too worried about stuff. Too awake. So he rubs her cheek again with his nose and whispers;

"Brooke…"

Sighing she mumbles "Yeah?" and puts her arm around him. "What is it _Broody_?"

"You'll be careful, right? You won't wear yourself out or anything? Because I don't want you in the hospital again Brooke, I really don't…" He's not sure that she understands the seriousness in his words but still feels like he has to make sure. "I would go crazy if something happened to you pretty girl…"

She nods. "I promise…" And then she turns around and backs up so that he's spooning her, making sure his hand stay on her belly. "But you should really go down and see James and Josh tomorrow. I know Haley would want you to."

She's right, he should. And he doesn't even know why he didn't tonight. It just scares him, making him think too much about everything that could still go wrong. In some far off corner of his mind he honestly doesn't want to see Haley's babies at all until he's completely sure that they are out of the woods, but he can't tell Brooke that.

"I will…" he mumbles and strokes the roundness that contains his own child. "…and what you did for Nathan was great. He seemed to feel a lot better when you guys came back up to the room."

Brooke already has her eyes closed but she smiles in the dim morning light.

"It was nothing Luke, really… Sometimes I just feel like Nathan and I understand each other. I just did what I would have wanted him to do for me…"

And before Lucas has a chance to answer, or to even think through what she said, he hears her breathing become slower and deeper and her body completely relaxes against him. Brooke is sleeping.

'No wonder she's tired' he thinks. The evening had been amazing, even with Peyton's weird bathroom confession, and it had literary been a very memorable prom-night. If it wasn't for the warmth from his beautiful girlfriend and the lulling sound of her rhythmic breathing he would probably lie here for hours and worry about Haley, but instead his thoughts keep drifting off to Brooke. Her laughing at Mouth, posing for pictures with Rachel or Bevin in her beautiful dress, or her dancing with him… He pushes the worries he has for Haley and the babies further back in his mind and pulls Brooke even closer.

And within minutes he is asleep too.

----

A couple of days pass without anything really changing. On Thursday Haley gets released from the hospital but the babies are still in the Neonatal Unit so she spends all of her time there anyway.

Brooke comes to see her every day after school. With the summer heat coming she doesn't mind being in the air-conditioned hospital and since Nathan's pre-training for Duke has started Haley would otherwise be pretty lonely. But there's also another reason for her frequent visits. She feels so bad that Lucas still hasn't been to see the babies. He did swing by Haley's and Nathan's apartment the night Haley came back home but in the last three days she's had to deliver his lame excuses to Haley and she can see that she gets more and more disappointed every time.

Today there was apparently some meeting with coach Whitey that he couldn't miss and after that he was going to see Dan. For what she knows, Lucas hadn't seen Dan since before his heart-problem at the championship and that was at least three months ago. So why was it suddenly so important that he'd do it today? Why did he really have to see his asshole of a father at all?

Today when she comes in after washing up she sees both Nathan and Haley sitting by the isolates. Haley has James on her chest and Nathan is reading Joshua the latest news from a basketball magazine.

"God, you're gonna brainwash them" she laughs as she hugs him from behind before walking over to sit with Haley. Nathan mutters something about 'wait and see… you'll corrupt your kid in seconds…'. She can't hear the entire sentence but she's sure that the words 'spoiled princess' and 'cheery' is in there. She doesn't answer him, she just huffs. Instead she turns to Haley.

"How are my godsons?"

"Much better. Joshua had a bath today. I took pictures, they're in my bag."

She smiles and Brooke picks up some rolled up papers from her backpack. "That's great tutor-mom. Look, I made get-well posters!" She unrolls the papers and starts hanging them over the isolates. Anything to not have to tell them Lucas wasn't coming today either. But Nathan catches on pretty quickly.

"So big brother is still not coming?"

Brooke blushes. "How'd you know?"

"Well… You're pretty see-through Brookie cookie. You still do that thing with your nose when you're trying to hide something. It was the same in elementary school."

He smiles warmly at her and carefully strokes his son's back in the isolate and Brooke sticks her tongue out in response on pure impulse. Then she stops for a second in her hanging of the posters and smiles back. It's not often that she thinks about how long she has really known Nathan. Actually she's known him longer then all of her other friends except for Bevin. They even went to the same pre-k. She just keeps forgetting it since it hadn't been up until a year ago that they really got close. Before, they were both to busy with keeping up the image of the popular, mostly sharing the same taste in wild parties and random hook-ups.

"Brookie cookie…" she says, tasting the name. "No one calls me that anymore Nate. I think that nickname died out when Vegas moved."

"Vegas… dude, that guy could party…"

"I know! Remember that night when his dad took his car-keys away because he spraypainted his bedroom walls, and he drove to my party on a motordriven lawn-mower that he had stolen from their gardener?"

Nathan laughs and in the corner of her eye Brooke can see Haley smiling at their stories. It's a strange smile, somewhat melancholic, but she figures that it's a perfectly normal smile for someone who just had premature twins at the age of eighteen. Still she can't help but wonder. The smile seems to hide something important. Something she should know…

"I miss Vegas" she says to rid of the strange feeling. "…and Tim. No one could drink like those two."

Nathan gives her a mysterious look. "Yeah well… you weren't so bad yourself…"

---

Lucas parks the car outside of his father's dealership and takes a few deep breaths before turning off the ignition. He's been putting this meeting with Dan off for days but his father has kept calling him around the clock and stressing that it's important that he comes to see him. Why he has no clue. He hasn't so much as talked to Dan since the championship. Not until his father first called a couple of days before the prom. And apparently he wasn't going to stop until he had it his way, just as usual.

The dealership is empty of customers and he can't decide if this is a good thing or not. On one hand he's happy that there won't be an embarrassing scene in front of others, but on the other hand it kind of would have been nice to have someone around if he and his dad got into fight like last time. Down by the River court he got the upper hand because of the surprise-element. This time he might not get that lucky.

He can see Dan through the glass-window to his office. He's writing stuff in that black book that himself and Andy stole last year, and he can't help but smirk.

"You should really throw that away if you wanna keep being the mayor" he says while entering and his father flinches, obviously startled by the unexpected visitor.

"Son…" Dan acknowledges. "Are you here because you finally came to your senses?"

"About going to Duke?"

Dan nods with a superior smile already forming on his lips. But Lucas just laughs dryly, thinking that his father must be stupid. Hadn't they finished this discussion already? And what the hell would he do at Duke? He wasn't allowed to play basketball anyway with his heart-condition.

"No, I told you. Brooke and I are going to UNC."

"So I'm guessing that you're still with little miss Davis then? Who knew she could be faithful for this long…"

His father just mumbles the last part and just as he is about to ask Dan to repeat himself, the man pulls out a brown envelope and hands it to him with a satisfied smirk.

"What is it?"

"Open it and see…"

Just by the look on Dan's face he knows that this is nothing good and his hands actually shake a bit as he opens the envelope. Then he pulls out a couple of papers and reads the first one.

"This is your will…" he states feeling very confused. "You forced me to come down here just to look at your will?"

Dan leans back in the chair. "As a matter of fact I wanted both of my sons to come here, but your brother refuses so I guess you'll just have to give him the information." He stretches his arms and rests them behind his neck before continuing; "This is my _new_ will… in which I clearly state that none of you will get a cent of my money. Unless of course you dump those little tramps you're with and both go to Duke. It's a family tradition and I want it followed."

Lucas just stares at his father blankly. The man had gone insane, there was no other explanation.

"You're kidding, right? Nathan emancipated himself from you to be with Haley. Do you honestly think he would leave her now because of some ridiculous paragraph in your will?"

"Well, we'll see won't we? And what about you Lucas? You and that Davis-girl have no future anyway. Would you trade your inheritance for a couple of years with her and a kid? It wont last… She will never change. Young sluts grow up to be nagging whores."

"Go to hell!"

His voice is loud and he clenches his jaw unconsciously and tries to understand what it is that is wrong in the man's head but Dan just laughs at his outburst.

"You know, it's easy for you to be cocky now Lucas. And it's in your character to always play the honorable guy that stays put, does the right things and takes responsibility. But wait a couple of months. Until you're away at college, working two jobs to support a whiny fat girlfriend and a screaming baby. Then it wont be so easy… By the way, it's in your genes to fail at fatherhood. All the men in the Scott-family do. Your grandfather Royal did it, I did it and Keith didn't even live long enough to try. I give Nathan four months tops before he leaves Haley and those babies. I heard they came early. Are they even normal?"

Lucas feels his shoulders tense and he balls his fists in the pockets of his hoody. 'Just in and out' he thinks. 'Do what you came to do and then leave. There is no use fighting with the jackass.'

"Listen" he says instead, his voice dropping to an almost icecold whisper. "I'm gonna walk out through this door now and hopefully I will never see you again. But I'm telling you; You stay away from Nathan and Haley, and you sure as hell stay away from Brooke! And if I hear that you go anyway near my mom or the baby while I'm gone, then I'll come back quicker than you can blink and I'll see to it that you never have any credibility in this town again."

Dan laughs, but in his face there is also a trace of fear.

"How would you do that, you little bastard?"

"I'll find a way. Believe me!"

----

It's getting late and Brooke starts to gather her things to go back home and help Karen with dinner. She checks her phone again one last time and finds two new text-messages.

One is from Rachel, saying that she and Bevin wants Brooke to come with them to the beach tomorrow. The other is from Peyton. It's nothing important, just a little 'trying to make things better again'-text and Brooke deletes it. She's not angry at Peyton. Their discussion at prom had merely showed her that she and Peyton have grown apart and she has no real interest to hang out with the curly blonde. She hasn't even taken time to ask how everything had gone with Jake.

There is none from Lucas though, and for the seventh day in a row since the twins were born it's obvious that Lucas won't show up. Silently she wonders what's been up with him lately. It's not like him to stick his head in the sand like this. And with a disappointed look on her face she shoves her phone back into her bag and sighs.

Haley looks up.

"It's okay Brooke. He'll show up when he's ready."

"I know. It's just that we talked this morning and he promised that he'd come." She adds a shrug of the shoulders as if to say 'what ever', hoists up her bag and gives Haley a sisterly kiss on the cheek. "Bye Tutor-mom. I'll see you tomorrow. I might go to the beach but I'll swing by after."

Then she waves to the babies in their cubicles and Nathan sing-songs a "See you later Brookie cookie" that actually makes her smile, before she heads out and closes the door behind her.

-

Down in the hospital lobby Brooke stops when she sees someone familiar. Lucas is standing outside the gift-shop holding two huge teddybears and a couple of balloons. He looks a bit lost and his hair is untidy as it always is when he's nervous and has kept pulling his hand through it.

Just seeing him makes all her earlier irritation go away and as soon as she gets close enough for him to hear she says; "Hey Boyfriend… so you decided to show up after all?"

She means to sound a little angry but it proves to be impossible when he looks so heartbreakingly adorable, and she can't help but smile instead.

"I'm sorry Pretty girl…" he mumbles back and she sneaks her arms around his waist and leans up to kiss him. When they finally pull apart she looks him straight into those baby-blue orbs.

"What's the matter Lucas? I've seen you try to avoid this for days and right now you look like you just want to turn around and run. Tell me what's on your mind…"

He pulls her over to a nearby bench and they sit down.

"They're gonna be fine, right?" he asks with a small voice instead of directly answering her question.

"Who? The boys?"

He nods. "Yeah. Them… Nathan and Haley…"

She says 'yes' solemnly and to reassure him further she adds; "They will all be fine, baby. And so will we. But it's okay to feel scared Luke. I've been frightened by this pregnancy so many times during these 27 weeks and you've been strong for me. Now let me be there for you…"

He sighs deeply so she rests her forehead against his, saying;

"Luke, I was _soo_ scared that first night when I went down to see Josh and James. But just imagine how scared Haley and Nathan were. Imagine how scared you would be if it was our baby."

Squinting, he nods. "That's just it Brooke… I know that I would have been a wreck and that Hales would have known exactly what to do to help me. But I don't. I have no clue how to make all of this better for her."

He looks all teary-eyed and it pains her that he hasn't said this before. All week he has probably stressed himself out over this and if he had just told her instead of coming up with all these lame excuses, she could have solved all of this much sooner.

"You two are so much alike sometimes that it's actually scary…" she says and plays with the fabric of his hoody. He looks confused and she has to smile at his total cluelessness.

"Remember when you were in the car-accident?" she says with her eyebrow raised. "You were unconscious and Haley couldn't go see you for days because she was so worried and since she apparently had a fight with you before the crash, she felt like she didn't deserve to be around you…"

He smiles now too, probably remembering how upset Haley had been when Nathan finally made her go.

"When she came into your hospital-room you said, and I quote; 'I've missed you buddy'. You were never angry with her and you never expected her to make it all better, right? You just wanted her to be there…"

Lucas looks embarrassed and she intertwines her fingers with his and gives his hand a squeeze before nudging him in the side with her elbow.

"Pull me up. I might look and feel like a whale but I can still go with you back up to see them."

He helps her get to her feet and then he kisses her slowly before slinging one around her shoulders. She relaxes into him, feeling happy that he's coming along. And when he smiles down at her she whispers;

"You know, they kind of look a little like aliens… but don't tell Haley I said that."

----

Later that night Lucas watches a silly game-show on TV with his mom and Brooke. His head is spinning with all the different events of the day and he's glad that he has a wonderful girlfriend that at least tries to understand him even when he acts weird like lately.

The visit with the babies had actually gone well and even though he still feels hopeless when it comes to being the support he wants to be for Haley, seeing his childhood friend's eyes lit up when he held his godsons was totally worth it.

But right now it's mostly the run-in with his dad that preoccupies him and he can't stop thinking of the exchange of words he had with Dan earlier in the day. There's especially one thing that his father said that keeps coming back to haunt him.

_It's in your genes to fail at fatherhood…_

"Mom" he says softly, not to wake up Brooke that has just fallen asleep with her head in his lap. "Was Royal a good dad to Dan and uncle Keith?"

Karen looks up from her knitting, obviously not that interested in the TV either. With two weeks left to go of her pregnancy she has become a little restless.

"Royal? Oh no, he was horrible… In some ways I think he was even worse than Dan. May can not have had a easy marriage." She goes quiet for a while, while fixing some tangled yarn, before saying; "He's not a bad person though. He was always nice to me. I guess he just wasn't parent-material."

This isn't the answer Lucas wants. He wants his mom to say that his grandfather was an excellent dad and that the only bad father-figure in the Scott family was Dan. And maybe his mom sees how uncomfortable he gets by her answer because she puts the knitting down and gives him that typical worried mother's look.

"Why do you ask, sweetie?" she asks. "Was it the visit to Haley that made you think about this or has your dad said something?"

When he doesn't answer she simply reaches over and reassuringly pats his arm.

"Don't worry" she says, and he can see her give Brooke's belly a glance. "You are my pride and joy and you won't take after Dan. You'll take after your uncle Keith and you will make a wonderful father. I know you will."

He forces a smile and he's happy she thinks that.

Because honestly, he's not so sure anymore. After seeing his brother with his little boys in the NICU he's sure Nathan will make a great dad. One that really cares for his kids. So that only leaves himself to carry on the bad-dad tradition. And as with the HCM, there is a fifty percent chance.

Just look at who's ended up with the heart-condition…

----

* * *

**Author's note**: So how was that? I'm still a bit rusty after all the weeks when I wasn't writing at all. It's building up again, and for all you guys that thought that the drama in this story was over and that the last ten weeks of Brooke's pregnancy would be all lovey dovey fluff… well what can I say? ;) It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings… 

Once again a huge 'thank you' to all of you. I feed on your response. ;)

**/Lynn**


	30. Tears And Rain

**Author's note: **This chapter might be a little different then the ones lately. And there will of course be some of you that won't like that. But at least try to remember that I was fast on updating this time. ;) And also that usually when I've taken this story down a road you didn't like I've always fixed things later. Right?

As usual I owe a lot of people a BIG thank you. This time especially Casey, Hilary and Cheyenne. A special thank you also goes out to BT because he won't go crazy when I mix fiction with a reality that is sometimes also his.

The title and Lyrics is from a beautiful song by James Blunt.

**-**

* * *

**CHAPTER 30 – Tears And Rain**

_How I wish I could surrender my soul  
Shed the clothes that become my skin…_

---

It's been more than a week since Haley left the hospital and the twins are growing like weed. They're out of the isolates, now sleeping in regular cribs, and according to the doctor they are both developing just as they should. And since the boys are fine, there has also been a significant change in Haley. She seems happier, calmer and much more content.

Brooke still goes to see her everyday but now Lucas usually tags along, that is if he doesn't work in the café. Karen has about a week left until her due-date and is no longer able to wait tables.

He has been a little moody lately and he still hasn't wanted to talk about what his father wanted to see him about, but she figures he'll come around and tell her. The last couple of months their relationship has gotten so strong that they hardly ever keep secrets. He talks to her and she loves the fact that he's letting her in. Sometimes he just needs a little time first, like with Haley and the twins, and she figures that this thing with his dad is the same.

'We're unbreakable' she thinks to herself. And as she gets into Rachel's car on this Thursday afternoon, after a pretty boring day of school, she makes a mental note to call him later and tell him that she's sorry about snapping at him over the bikini this morning. And then she turns to her fiery redheaded friend.

"Hi future godmother! If we're going to the beach I need you to swing by the mall first…"

----

While Brooke is at the beach with her friends, Lucas spends Thursday afternoon at the River-court with Nathan, throwing passes at his younger brother so that Nathan can practice his jump-shot. And afterwards they both head down to Ralph's to buy food before going home to shower and change.

Because tonight they're planning a party for their girls.

It's nothing big, just their closest friends, and no alcohol. Just something to celebrate the fact that so far everything is good and that Nathan and Haley are the proud parents of twins. And something that can cheer Brooke up for feeling fat and bloated. Rachel planned most of it, and apparently she thinks that this is needed and can suffice as a stand-in baby shower. So he and Nathan does what Rachel tells them and tonight they will all have dinner at Nathan's and Haley's. Mouth, Skills, Bevin, Peyton and Rachel. Even Jake is coming.

Walking up and down the isles in the supermarket Lucas again tries to bring up the subject of their father's evil antics to his brother but just as before it falls on deaf ears. He and Nathan has hung out a lot the last week since he got over his hospital-phobia and he has told Nathan bits and pieces about his meeting with Dan. And every time, Nathan just seems to shrug it off. Not at all like himself. And maybe that is why he hasn't gathered the courage to share his worries of the 'bad father-curse'.

Now when he makes a subtle try to bring the subject up again Nathan sighs and throws the snacks he's holding into the cart.

"Luke, dad is an asshole… We've known that for some time now, right? Just try not to let him get to you." He pats him on the shoulder. "Now, let's finish this and go home. Talking about the dude just ruins the night. Go get some soda instead."

And to Nathan that seems to be the end of the conversation. But for Lucas, who heads down the isle to find drinks, everything around starts reminding him of the huge responsibility that being a father will bring, and all the ways in which he might fail. The price-tag on top of an enormous pile of diaper-packages, a father that yells at his toddler in the isle in front of him. A kid screaming at the top of her lungs over by the candy-shelf. And a young teenage-mother with three out of control children running around her legs as she's yelling at her not much older boyfriend. It all seems surreal, not at all like he has pictured life with Brooke and their baby and yet he can't help but wonder why they would have it differently.

'Because we love each other' he thinks. 'Because we talk about stuff, and we're honest…'

And they have been honest. Honest and truthful. Letting each other know that they both have there fears, but that they're in this together. He's going to tell Brooke about this new fear too, it's just different this time because usually she's the one that's scared or insecure and he's the one that comforts her. Sure, he worries. But that's usually more about her health or money.

Then again, if Nathan could be this carefree, with his babies being born so small, then he shouldn't worry so much either. He and Brooke are good. Even if he doesn't always understand her.

After the two last years of relationships with girls, there are still a lot of things that Lucas can't get his head around, not only when it comes to Brooke. To him it seems like all females around him have a somewhat 'crazy' and irrational side. Like for example, when his mom turns the whole house upside down in a wild cleaning frenzy even though it already looks spotless, or when Haley throws a fit because Nathan de-alphabetized their cd-collection. Peyton, when he used to hang out with her more often, was usually just always moody, but now and again even she becomes all girlie and weird, like lately when she seemed to have changed her entire wardrobe in favor or of clothes in pastel colors that honestly didn't suit her. And Rachel… yeah, well he would probably never understand how the redhead thinks; the last days had proven that for sure.

But the queen of sudden irrational behavior has always been and would always be his beautiful girlfriend; Brooke Penelope Davis. And smiling he thinks back to earlier this morning.

_When Lucas entered their bedroom after having breakfast, the first thing he saw was pieces of clothing thrown everywhere. In the middle of it all Brooke stood looking more than annoyed. And suppressing the laughter that built inside him he stepped into the room._

"_Are you looking for something special baby?" he asked as soon as he was sure that his voice was serious enough. _

_She looked over at him, a little flushed like if she had just taken a quick jog around the block, and she tucked her hair behind her ears in a completely adorable way._

"_My bikini-top…" she mumbled and went back to throwing things out of the closet and onto the floor. "I need to find the red one…"_

_Perplexed he wondered why she needed her bikini at seven thirty in the morning but since he felt a tantrum coming he didn't question her reasons. Instead he opened the nearest drawer in the chest next to him and pulled out the item she wanted._

"_You mean this?"_

_Without answering she took it from him and pulled her tank top over her head. He smiled while watching her trying to put the bikini-top on. Not because he had already figured out that it wouldn't fit her noticeably larger boobs, but because she looked so beautiful almost naked with her big belly._

_When the clasp wouldn't close she sighed and threw it on the floor with the rest of all the clothes before slumping down on the bed, dressed in only a pair of boy-shorts. _

"_I can't go…" she muttered and he let his smile shrink away when he saw her disappointment. "None of them fit me! Not even the striped one that used to be two sizes too big…"_

"_And the pink one?" he asked carefully and sat down next to her. "Isn't that one kind of stretchy?"_

_With a sigh that clearly told him that she found him extremely stupid she gave him an irritated look._

"_They're all stretchy Luke! It's Lycra. Bikinis are supposed to be stretchy. Okay, so I have that suede-one and that one doesn't really stretch… but that's a tanning bikini and not made for swimming. All swimming ones are made out of a material that is elastic and… god, I don't even know why I bother to try and explain this to you! You can't even tell cotton from denim!"_

_He shrugged as if to say 'I'm sorry' but he still couldn't figure out why she wanted to wear a bikini to school. So he told her that, making her let out an even deeper sigh. _

"_Rachel and Bevin are going to the beach again after school today and they asked me to come with them. But from the looks of it I'll be wearing a big loose t-shirt, and I really don't want to do that. I did it last week, remember? And I ended up sitting there like some stupid tent while Rachel flirted with all the cute lifeguards…"_

_Lucas chose to block out the last comment about the lifeguards and instead he pulled Brooke in for a hug._

"_This isn't really the problem, is it?" he said softly. He knew that if finding a bikini that would fit was the only issue, then his girlfriend would just swing by the mall on her way to the beach and pick up some new over-prized little strings of fabric. But something else seemed to be the matter and he kissed her temple to encourage her to tell him. _

_She detangled herself from him for a second to be able to put her tank-top back on, and in a way he was grateful. Trying to be the supportive understanding boyfriend proved to be pretty hard as long as her upper body was naked. But then she was back leaning against him and he wrapped his arms around her and breathed in the scent of green apples from her hair._

"_Is there something else on your mind Brooke?"_

"_Not really… I think being pregnant is enough, don't you? I guess this whole thing is still making me a little nervous. And it's just two weeks left of school… everything is just moving so fast…"_

_She pouted, pushing her bottom lip out towards him and he resisted the urge of sucking it in between his own lips. She didn't look sad, just stubborn in that typical Brooke-way that he loved, so he didn't feel as if he needed to comfort her. Instead he raised an eyebrow saying;_

"_And going to the beach with Rachel and Bevin in a sexy bikini would make all this go away?"_

_For the third time she sighed loudly and the got off the bed with one hand pressed to the small of her back. And when she reached the door she turned and rolled her eyes at him._

"_I swear, sometimes you're just sooo slow! You're damn lucky I love you."_

_Then she left the room in a queen-like grace that was amazing for someone being seven and a half months pregnant and slammed the door behind her. And he thought that; yes, there were still so many things that he didn't understand about the makings of Brooke Davis. But he's getting there. And he knew that she was right. _

Now, hours later in the afternoon, he still knows it. He's very lucky that she loves him, because he loves her too. Loves her like crazy…

Nathan comes up behind him and he puts the sodas in the cart with the rest of their shopping. He must be still smiling sheepishly because Nathan laughs.

"Nude or just semi-naked?" his brother asks and he looks back at him confused.

"What?"

"You're thinking about Brooke, right? You always get that look when you picture her and with a smile like that I just figured she's probably naked…"

He laughs again, and this time Lucas joins in. The more he laughs, the more he's sure. As long as they have each other, they'll be fine. As long as he has Brooke, _he'll_ be fine.

-

When they return home his worried mood is long gone and Lucas finds himself actually relaxing for the first time in days. Haley arrives first and she seems surprised and happy about what they have planned. Then Mouth, Skills and Jake arrive together, with Peyton following shortly after.

And then Rachel and Bevin finally bring Brooke home. A Brooke that looks tanned and happy, and when she sees what he and Nathan has done her smile is so wide that it practically stretches over her entire face, making her dimples look like happy moon-craters.

"Are you trying to score, huh?" she murmurs leaning into him and he wraps his arms around her and holds her close whispering "Always".

"Then I'd say you're doing a pretty good job boyfriend…"

Her raspy voice sends shivers down his spine and he trails the side of her breast and waist with his fingertips, wishing that they could be alone for a little while. But then Haley comes and pulls Brooke away to show her something and just when she's about to walk out of the living room she turns and mouths 'later…' making him wish for privacy even more.

She looks like a dream to him. The pregnant look suits her more than he thought possible and he has to really concentrate to remember what she looked like when they first started dating. She looks a lot different nowadays and not just because of the belly, but because she seems more at peace. Maybe happier… The summer-dress she wears flows freely around her tanned legs and as he watches her run off into the other room with Hales, he wishes that she'd turn around, come back and sit on his lap and let him nuzzle his nose in the crook of her neck. Let him draw in that scent of green apples and strawberry lipgloss and kiss her for hours and hours. But there's time for that later, he thinks. Lots of time.

The next time he finds her she's sitting with Nathan by the kitchen table talking about some old basketball/cheerleader-camp and he joins them. Haley and Peyton busy themselves with the food and surprisingly Rachel offers to help, and soon the small kitchen is filled with laughter and the clinking of pots and pans.

Skills pops his head through the door, requesting to see the videotape of the childbirth, but Haley just laughs at this saying that thankfully there isn't one and even if there was she would have either hidden it or burned it. Apparently she hadn't been too nice to the people around her while going into labor. And Skills disappointedly disappears back into the living-room to watch the game with Mouth.

Haley laughs and looks at Lucas. "Seriously Luke, has Skills always been like this or is Bevin rubbing off on him?"

He just rolls his eyes at his childhood best friend.

"Think about it Hales… the guy taped 'Nature Channel'…"

----

Dinner is a happy event with lots of laughter and reminiscing. And afterwards Brooke joins the guys in the living room and she cuddles up with Lucas on the couch. He wraps his arms around her and kisses her temple softly before he goes back to his basketball-discussion. The statistics and draft-picks soon bore her and she lazily trails her fingertips against his wrist.

"Rub my feet?" she asks and bats her eyelashes at him but the extra effort to trick him into it isn't needed. With a smile he does what she asks him. 'I'm lucky' she thinks. 'I have a great guy. And though he has been acting a little strange these last couple of days I'm sure that it's just a faze. He's just nervous, that's all, and if Dan would just leave him alone…'

Her thoughts are interrupted by Skills who picks a tape out from the shelf and winks at Lucas.

"I bet it's this one. Who the hell would seriously name a tape 'Nathan scores'? It has to be a code."

"What are you talking about?" Lucas says to him laughing, and pulls her a bit closer.

"The video-tape from the twins birth. It's this one, I swear! I heard stuff like that is really cool. And Haley is the most organized person I ever met. She damn near has OCD, man. Of course she filmed it."

Brooke giggles against Lucas' chest. "She had a c-section Skills. You know that's surgical, right?"

Skills just shrugs and pushes the tape into the VCR anyway. And within seconds a much younger looking Nathan appears on the screen. It seems to be a recording from a game in junior high and even though Skills seems a little disappointed he leaves the tape rolling.

"God, look at our hair!" Brooke squeals when she sees herself and Peyton appear in the line of young cheerleaders. "Peyton! Nathan! Come look at this!"

She half-hides behind a cushion but giggles at the sight of them all being so small. Peyton looks like a popsicle with her skinny boyish body and big curly hair and she herself wears way to much lipstick making her look like a clown.

"Peyton!" she shouts again towards the kitchen. "Come on, it's the CoolAid cup!"

Peyton calls back that she's coming but Nathan is nowhere in sight. Haley offers to go get him but Brooke pushes herself off the couch and laughs. "No, let me. I wanna see his face when he remembers that ugly haircut."

She meets Peyton in the door and her former best friend takes one look at the TV-screen before bursting out in laughter.

"B Davis! Did your mom know you wore your skirt that short?"

They share their first genuine smile in ages and Brooke raises an eyebrow. "Of course not P Sawyer. How could she? I always changed at _your_ house."

--

Nathan puts the phone down just as Brooke skips into the bedroom with a huge smile on her face.

He has just called the NICU to check on Josh and James and hearing that they're sleeping well he feels much better.

"Whats up with you?" he laughs at the giggly brunette. "You look happy."

And she does.

"Skills found an old videotape from the CoolAid Cup. Remember? In Green Oaks? You look ridiculous! You have to come look!"

He laughs and shakes his head at her. Leave it to Brooke Davis to become ecstatic over some old memorabilia. He walks towards the livingroom with Brooke in a tow, and hearing everybody laughing in there he actually gets a little curious. But then the laughter stops and the entire apartment turns dead silent.

Nathan stops in the doorway to the living-room and he can feel Brooke walking right into his back. And then he hears her gasp. The room goes even more quiet and for a couple of seconds the only thing heard is the sounds from the video-tape. Where the hell had Skills found this? Hadn't he thrown it away years ago?

Like in an out of body experience he can hear Lucas say; "What the hell is this?" but in his ears it sounds distant and faint.

He stands frozen, watching himself on the 50 inch screen as he hovers over the much younger Brooke kissing her neck and chest, and he cringes. They both look like kids… Nobody was ever supposed to know this…

And then he snaps out of his shock.

"Skills, what the fuck! Turn that off!"

Strangely enough no one is really looking at him and Skills isn't reacting. Everybody seems to look between the TV and at Brooke, Lucas or his wife. Haley has her hand over mouth, watching the TV with an expression that cuts straight into his heart, and Peyton stands stiff like a board, shooting daggers at Brooke with her eyes.

Brooke is growing paler and paler and her big green eyes are blinking like if she's trying to figure out what it is that she is witnessing on the television-screen. The screen that still shows her in just her underwear, with his own hands all over her body.

"Turn it off man!" he says again, harsher this time, and Skills finally reacts. And just as the TV-version of himself starts pulling down Brooke's panties, the screen goes black.

-

Seconds pass but to Lucas it feels like years. The sound from the TV is the only thing heard but inside of his head there is a loud noise that he soon recognizes as his own heartbeat. Shocked he looks at Brooke and then at Nathan. Then back at Brooke. She's still staring at the blank screen on the other side of the room and he notices how she's holding the doorframe as if to steady herself.

If it weren't so strange he'd say that she looks as shocked as himself. Shocked and embarrassed.

Finally she seems to snap out of her apathy and he watches as she turns to Peyton who in turn looks like she's about to explode. All their movements seem too slow for him, as if it's all moving in slow-motion, and just as in the supermarket earlier he gets the feeling of it all being surreal.

He looks at his brother instead and opposed to Brooke, that is looking totally shocked like if she has no idea what is going on and still tries to grasp what is happening around her, Nathan bares a face of guilt, embarrassment and panic. He stutters something about this being before he and Peyton dated but Lucas isn't listening. There is a war going on inside him and he feels like he's about to split in half. Brooke slept with his brother… Nathan had touched Brooke. Kissed her, undressed her… his _brother_ had… Suddenly he feels like throwing up.

"You slept with _Nathan_?" the curly blonde hisses venomously. "You seriously fucking _slept_ with my boyfriend?!"

As the entire room watches his girlfriend with shocked eyes, Brooke shakes her head, repeating what he thought he heard Nathan say, but with a surprisingly calm voice;

"Listen Peyton, this was long before you and Nathan, okay? This was not while you two were dating… I would never do that to you."

Peyton doesn't seem to listen. Her eyes turn to slits but yet she hasn't moved. "Do you think I'm stupid? How many times Brooke? How many times did he go from my bed to yours at night, huh?"

"Come on Peyton. It was in freaking freshmen-year. It was ONE time, _one _drunken night where two _single_ people wanted to have some fun… I'm not like _you_!"

This time Brooke's voice has a little more edge to it and she faces Peyton with poise. Everybody else in room is still eerie quiet and the blonde girl that he used to think that he was in love with takes the few steps over to his girlfriend. And before he or anyone else can react Peyton lifts her hand and hits Brooke hard right in the face. The sound of impact is loud and Brooke stumbles back almost tripping. But Rachel grabs her arm and safely gets her up again.

Acting on pure instinct he grabs Peyton, much harder than he's planned to, and jerks her around to face him.

"Are you crazy?! She's pregnant Peyton! What the hell are you doing!?"

His voice is loud but Peyton doesn't even flinch. She just stubbornly looks right back at him. "I don't give a shit!" she hisses. "All this time she's been giving us grief, making us feel like horrible people, when she slept with my boyfriend years ago!" She turns to Brooke again, spitting out; "How could you?!" and her voice is laced with disgust and venom.

He too turns to look at Brooke, torn between anger and worry, and she looks back at him blankly. Honestly he wants to know the same thing; How could she?

"Lucas…" she says slow and calmly, with her palm still covering the side of her face. "Please tell her I would never do that…"

Peyton makes an incoherent sound. But Brooke doesn't look at her. Instead her eyes linger on Peyton's arm, which he still holds in a firm grip. She looks at him again, still waiting on the answer to her request.

"Lucas?" she says again, this time with her eyebrow raised in a question. "You do understand that this was before I knew you, right?"

If he didn't know her as well as he did he'd think she was almost untouched by this entire ordeal, but little things give her embarrassment away and he can see that she's getting more and more uncomfortable. Her eyes dart from him to Haley and then back again.

"Lucas? …Haley?"

Peyton probably takes their silence as an evidence of them both being on her side because her mouth stretches out in a Cheshire-cat grin.

"Maybe now they'll understand your true nature Brooke" she taunts. "Your _not_ so well hidden slutty side…"

This time it's Brooke's hand that fly through the air but just before hitting Peyton's face, she stops. Her hand freezes in mid-air and then slowly falls back down to the side of her body.

"You're not worth it..." she says coldly. " I'm surprised that after all these years, you still don't seem to know one thing about me Peyton. But I have nothing to prove to you, because we both know who's right here. And don't go trying to recruit my boyfriend, he knows me. And he knows this means nothing. As I said - I'm not like you. I don't go after guys that my friends date. That's more your style…"

Peyton heatedly hisses back "You bitch!", probably furious at the self-control and calm his girlfriend displays. And even though he honestly doesn't know what to believe he still feels like he has to keep the girls apart before a regular catfight breaks out.

"I think its time you shut up now Peyton…" he says with a low voice that he doesn't even recognize himself. "Don't make a fool of yourself."

Her head snaps back and her eyes meet his, looking hurt. "You're defending her?! She's made us feel bad for almost two years for what we did and she never even told me she slept with my first boyfriend. And by the look on your face I'd say she didn't tell you either. But that's Brooke Davis for you… A manipulative… little… liar!"

Peyton stresses the last three words with ice in her voice and the reality starts to seep into his brain. Brooke had kept this from him. She probably never planned on telling him this… Was there other things that he didn't know?

He looks back at Brooke and he blinks to block out the flash-backs from the tape.

Peyton is still yelling and finally it's Nathan that snaps;

"Cut the fucking crap Peyt! It's not her fault, okay? She never did anything to you and if Brooke had known then that you and I would get together she would never have touched me. You know that. Anything else is just bullshit."

There is a fire-hot anger in his brother's eyes, almost matching the one that Peyton shows, and for some reason it makes Lucas even more uncomfortable that Nathan stands up for Brooke. Peyton seems to feel the same way because she yells;

"Stop lying!"

"I'm not lying. And neither is Brooke. You're the one that needs to stop throwing bricks in glass-houses Peyton. We didn't betray you, and I think you know that."

Nathan looks at the blonde intently and she doesn't break his gaze. So he continues. "Brooke and I happened before I knew something was going to happen with us and long before she even knew there was going to be a Lucas in her life. But you want to talk about some lying Peyt? Because I don't think you want me to go there."

Lucas kind of knows where this is going. And as he looks at Peyton, he knows that she does too. And all he wants to do is shut Nathan up before it gets any further, realizing that this probably includes him.

"I always knew that you and Lucas were going to happen. Ever since that night at the Rivercourt. But I wouldn't have imagined it happening the way it did. You went behind Brooke's back Peyton! You knew how much she cared about him. How much she cared about _you_. And you took that for granted. You looked her straight in the eyes and lied to her fucking face. So before you go around spitting those words into _her_ face, you better take a look in the mirror."

Peyton freezes, tears in her eyes, and Lucas turns to Brooke to find that she is already looking at him. But then she turns away, her eyes seeking Peyton.

"Don't look so surprised Peyton. My wife is her best friend." And with that his brother turns around to look at Haley.

Haley bares a look of mixed emotions. She looks sad, but at the same time he recognizes something that looks almost like motherly proudness. Probably because Nathan is standing up for Brooke, something that he himself should be doing ... but for some reason, can't.

And at that point Lucas has had enough. Looking at Brooke breaks his heart. Hearing Nathan try to explain makes him nauseous and Peyton's shrieking voice makes him crazy. All he wants is to get out of there because by now Haley starts to walk over the room towards him and he seriously can't stand to look up and see that she is as hurt as he himself is feeling.

So instead he turns and starts to walk towards the door, pushing past Jake and Rachel, and then Brooke grabs his arm. Electrical jolts shoots through him, but not the pleasant ones he usually gets when she touches him.

"No Brooke."

At his words she retracts her hand as if burned, but then says his name silently and almost pleading and he just shakes his head. "No, I can't look at you right now… I'll wait in the car…"

And then he leaves.

He can hear Nathan and Peyton start fighting again and Haley's voice seeps into the mix but he doesn't turn around. He just wants to get away.

----

_I've heard what they say  
But I'm not here for trouble  
It's more than just words  
It's just tears and rain_

Brooke closes her eyes and tries to remember that night long ago when she hooked up with Nathan but the few things she has any recollection of is just a drunken blur. As soon as she saw the tape she knew it had happened, but she still can't remember how and why. Dreamlike and scattered fragments that really doesn't help with making her memory any clearer just keeps popping up in her mind but she can't seem to sort them out.

She dries the tears off of her face with the sleeve of Lucas' sweater and reaches for her cell-phone. Her hands are shaking and it is past midnight but she has to do this. She can't put off this call until tomorrow.

She feels small and lonely in Lucas' bedroom and she has no idea where he is. He had basically just dropped her off here and left again. And for the first time in months she isn't sure if he is coming back. Because the way he looked at her just after the tape had been played had been with pure disgust and the things he said to her in the car on the way home…

First she had felt furious that he didn't believe her but then the anger had faded and she kept thinking that he just needed to calm down. That all this was just a shock for him. She should have told him about this… but then on the other hand, she would have if she had just remembered it.

As the call connects she holds her breath. And when the person answers on the other side she is surprised, because she had been sure that she would have to ramble her lame excuses to an answering-machine. And except for Lucas, this person is the only one she needs to make peace with. The only one she really doesn't want to hurt.

"Brooke?"

Haley's voice is tired and Brooke tries to keep herself from crying. Haley is her best friend and she's more than afraid that this stupid thing will ruin everything between them. Yet this call is not primarily about saving their friendship. This is about making sure that Haley and Nathan are okay because if tonight's revelations had destroyed their marriage in any way, she would never forgive herself. If she had to take all the blame for this, she would. Haley and Nathan had enough on their plate with their little baby-boys and they really didn't need this drama on top of everything.

"Please don't hang up" she blurts out. "I need you to know that I didn't mean to keep this a secret from you Haley… I swear I didn't even remember that it happened until tonight… I must have blocked it out…"

She prepares for the yelling and the harsh words. The crying and the clicking sound of Haley hanging up on her. The coldness Lucas had shown her. But instead there's a long silence and then Haley just sighs.

"I know that. Nathan and I have been talking for hours…"

Brooke chokes back a sob. "Don't be mad at him Haley. He loves you so much. It was all so long ago and it was just that one time… we were just drunk and young and curious… and did I mention that we were very drunk and…"

She rambles nervously, clutching the phone as if holding on to Haley herself. She thinks about all the fun she and Haley has had over the last year and a half, about all the times that Haley had been there for her, and about the babies. About how she wouldn't get to be their godmother now… Then Haley interrupts;

"I know Brooke. Just stop talking. It's okay."

"What?"

"Listen, after Lucas' heart-attack, when you slept at our house, Nathan behaved very strangely. The same thing when you almost miscarried. I think he tried telling me then because he told me that you and him had a past that we needed to discuss. I probably figured it out, I just didn't want to know so I told him that." Haley sighs again and Brooke can hear Nathan say something with a soft voice in the background before her friend continues;

"I said; Nathan, whatever you and Brooke had or did, I don't want to know. It really doesn't matter anymore. I you know what Brooke? I still feel that way. I'm not thrilled that you and Nathan slept together but it's not that shocking that you did. I mean, captains of the basketball team and the cheer-squad… In a highschool drama for TV you guys would probably have been the it-couple. But you're not. Nathan loves me, you love Lucas. And most of all, it's almost three years ago… I didn't even know Nathan other then by name back then."

Brooke is totally confused now. Haley had known about this for weeks and she hadn't said a word about it. All the afternoons she had spent with Haley in the hospital and not one time had Haley brought this up…

"But…" she starts with a cracked up voice, but Haley interrupts her again.

"I know you're sorry Brooke. I saw it on your face earlier and I hear it in your voice now. And Nathan told me that you probably don't even remember that night. He feels really bad for all of this, you know."

Brooke cries openly now. It's like a huge weight has lifted from her shoulders knowing that at least Haley doesn't hate her for this.

"I love you Haley…" she sobs into the phone.

"I love you too Brooke. This thing is small compared to the wonderful friendship and support you've given me the last two years. I would have forgiven you for more than this."

Then Haley actually lets out a small giggle. "Just don't ever sleep with my husband again."

-------

_How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold  
How I wish I had screamed out loud  
Instead I've found no meaning_

Brooke sits up on the bed when Lucas returns and she looks so insecure and fragile. He can see that she's been crying and that she needs him to say something. Anything. But he doesn't. Instead he walks over and kneels on the bed in front of her, and before she can react to it he grabs her face between his hands and kisses her forcefully.

He is still angry but he needs to see if kissing her is the same now that he knows. So he pries her mouth open with his tongue and painfully enough, it is. He loves her just the same as a couple of hours ago, before Skills pushed the play-button on the VCR. But he feels so discouraged. How could she have kept a thing like this from him all this time? And how the fuck could Nathan?

It had been bad enough when the entire school had seen his girlfriend topless in her time-capsule video. Now, all his friends had seen her naked, making out with his brother. And it didn't stop there…

He can feel all the emotion she is putting in her response of his hard kiss and he knows that she is afraid of what will happen when they pull apart. And he is too. He just wants to erase this entire evening. And kissing her is rushed, stupid. He knows it. Especially since they hadn't said a word to each other since their fight in the car a couple of hours ago.

"_Why are you looking at me like that? I wasn't even sixteen Lucas! It was more than two and a half years ago and I didn't even know you back then!"_

_He threw his hands out in frustration. "You still slept with my brother, how would you suggest that I'd feel about it? Happy?" _

"_Technically I didn't sleep with him… we were too drunk to pull it off…"_

"_But it's on tape Brooke! What were you thinking?!"_

_Brooke was starting to get angry amongst her guilt, he could see that. He tried to keep his eyes on the road but Brooke now turned towards him. _

"_I told you!" she yelled, "We didn't think, we were drunk! I was completely wasted! I hardly even remember that it happened!!"_

"_But Nathan, Brooke! Nathan!"_

_He sounded like a broken record, yelling as well now, and Brooke's eyes filled with tears._

"_I know that he's your brother Lucas… And I know how wrong all of this is. But when it happened, I didn't know that you were related. I didn't know that you existed!"_

_He slammed his hand into the steering wheel and turned to face her. Luckily the streets were empty by this time at night, because by then he wasn't really paying attention to traffic._

"_You know…" he hissed and squinted in anger, "when I started going out with you, everyone told be that you had a slutty side to you. I thought they just didn't know the real you, but if you were experienced enough to screw in front of a camera when you were fifteen years old…then I'd say they were right…"_

_Then he stopped the car in the street outside his house and got out without waiting for her._

He keeps his eyes closed while kissing her. Looking at her hurts since he can't stop picturing his brother's hands on her naked body, but when she pulls back he's forced to open his eyes again.

"Where were you?" she whispers and he shrugs.

"Nowhere. I just walked…"

She swallows hard but she doesn't turn her eyes away from him. And somewhere in all of his anger he is impressed by her courage and pride. And a part of him wants to take back all the things he said in their argument. But most of him just wants to scream.

"Listen" he says, "I'm really tired and I'm going to go out in the livingroom and crash on the

couch. I just wanted to come in here and tell you that this doesn't mean that we are over… But it might change things Brooke."

She swallows again and her bottom lip is trembling. When he starts to get up she grabs his hand.

"Luke… just two things…"

"Yeah?"

"I was so different before we met, you have to remember that... I didn't know back then that I would love you so utterly and completely… I don't even think that I knew what love felt like…"

He nods silently and she unwillingly lets go of his hand. The sheet has fallen down from her body and he can't help but to look at her rounded belly before he starts to leave the room. It pains him so much to leave her alone in the big bed. He knows she will probably cry herself to sleep and he's torn between worrying about his pregnant girlfriend and being disgusted at what she had done. So when he reaches the doorway he turns and looks back.

"And the other thing?"

A single tear slides down her porcelain cheek.

"I'm sorry…"

-

Lucas can't sleep. The couch feels lumpy and hard and he keeps getting tangled in the sheet. The summer-night is hot and he feels like there isn't enough air in the room. And most of all, every time he closes his eyes he keeps seeing Nathan on top of Brooke's naked body.

And every time it happens it's followed by Nathan's voice saying; "_Nude or just semi-naked?"_ Although now, the comment his brother dropped earlier in the store has gotten a whole new meaning…

The tape hadn't shown them having sex, but in the dark living-room his mind runs amok and he can clearly picture what he would have seen had Skills not stopped the tape. In his head he can hear Brooke's typical moans of pleasure, see the way she bites her lower lip when she's being touched the way she likes to. Picture the way Nathan's hands grab her curves and that damn smirk on Nathan's lips as he looked into the camera. And for the hundredth time he has to open his eyes to get rid of the mental image.

With eyes wide open he stares up into the ceiling. Tries to be rational and figure out why neither Brooke nor Nathan had told him this before. But nothing comes to mind. No excuses, no explanations. None other than that they both knew that it was wrong and that they were ashamed of it. Maybe they had even done this again since then and that's why they hadn't told… Maybe Peyton was right?

Twisting and turning in the heat he thinks about Haley. She had looked shocked but not at all as crushed as he would have imagined that a wife would be when seeing her husband having sex with her best friend on videotape. Maybe she already knew? Maybe he had been the only one that didn't?

Questions without answers keeps raging his mind and finally he just gives up on the thought of sleeping and walks into the kitchen to get some water. The light isn't turned on so it's not until he flicks the switch that he sees his brunette girlfriend standing lent against the kitchen counter. She jumps a little and looks at him with a startled expression.

"Oh… Lucas… I'm sorry if I woke you" she says and looks back into the linoleum carpet.

He doesn't answer. He just walks right passed her and fills a glass with water before emptying it in a couple of big gulps. As he puts the glass down again he can feel her watching him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he mutters and turns to face her. Her eyes are red-rimmed and she looks about as tired as he's feeling. Strangely enough it just makes him angry. She has no right to feel sorry for herself, not when he is breaking inside. Not when she is the guilty one. She and his backstabbing brother.

She clears her throat.

"I told you…" she says silently. "I didn't even remember it. Maybe I had suppressed it… it was just so long ago Luke, and I didn't…"

"Spare me. How could you just 'forget', huh? I'd say that's a little too convenient to be credible."

His tone is hard and her eyes wander away from his. Sighing she says; "I said I was sorry, truly sorry. But what do you want me to? I'm not proud of what you saw tonight, I'm not proud of a lot of things. But the truth is; that was who I used to be. I don't do regrets Luke, I don't go around trying to change my past to make myself feel better. To make the people I _love_ feel better. I just… I can't change this!"

And maybe this is the reason for the flaming anger that's eating away on his insides. She can't change it. And neither can he. From now on he will always know that she has slept with his brother. Every time he'll see them in a room together he'll be thinking about what they had shared and right now he's not sure if he can handle that. But most of all he's furious at her for not telling him. He loves her more then life but he needs to be able to trust her. After all they've been through he needs her to trust him. And this is just another piece of evidence that she doesn't.

"You're right!" he snaps. "You can't change it. And I can't change how I feel about this either Brooke. I don't want to think about you with him, but every time I close my eyes I see the two of you together. How could you do this to me? Nathan is my god damn brother!"

This time she pushes herself off the counter and meets his eyes looking a lot more annoyed than sad.

"Grow up Lucas! I didn't do this to you! I didn't even know you for Christ's sake. You and Nathan hated each other back then, remember? If you want to hate me for what I did with Chris, then go ahead. But what happened that night with Nate, that has nothing to do with you. Or with Haley for that matter. I was friends with Nathan long before you and I even met! Sleeping with him was my choice. Mine! And I won't let you judge me for that!"

She is practically yelling now and he knows that they'll wake his mother if they keep this up. Frustrated he throws his hands out and hisses; "Why? You'll throw the Peyton-thing in my face if I do? I defended you against her because she was out of line, but seriously…"

Brooke takes a step back as if he has just hit her. And her bottom lip is trembling with both anger and hurt.

"No. Don't compare this Lucas, don't you fucking dare! What you and Peyton did behind my back was not right! Nathan and I were both single when we hooked up. That is the _only_ thing that matters. That and the fact that I'm not the same person I was back than."

Lucas squints and lowers his voice even more; "Different, huh? How can I be sure about that?"

The furious look that had just been on his girlfriend's face falls off and she stares back at him for a couple of seconds, blankly as if wondering if she heard him correctly. And then her hands falls down to her sides and her shoulders slope, making her whole body-language look defeated.

"You can't, but you should…" she says with a hallow voice that is just slightly higher than a whisper. "You should because I love you Lucas, I am _in_ love with you. You should know that I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. But you standing here, looking at me like I'm not the Brooke that you fell in love with, well I'm not sure you do. I just don't ..."

Pausing, she lets out a sigh. And this time when she talks, he has to lean in a little to hear.

"I just don't think you know me then."

The venom of anger still seeps through him and he just can't seem stop himself;

"No, maybe I don't. Because if I did I would have seen this coming. I don't even know why I'm surprised… What's that expression? Once a slut…"

The second the words leave his lips he knows he has gone to far and her palm hits his cheek with a loud slap. His skin stings with pain but the hurt in her eyes is much worse.

"How dare you." she seethes, a dangerous mix of hurt and furry in her voice. "I'm so fucking tired of your bullshit Lucas! You say you love me, but to love me you have got to _know_ me. Which you clearly don't! I mean seriously, what is this? You want me to be all innocent in the eyes of others. You paint this image , of me being a virgin with no past. But than behind closed doors, you want me to have my wicked way with you. You love having sex with me, god knows this enormous belly is proof of that! But god forbid I had a life before I met you! You knew I wasn't a virgin when you came into my life and it never bothered you before!"

She lets out a frustrated breath and shakes her dark hair out of her eyes in one quick motion. "I'm not fifteen anymore! I've changed, I've grown up and I started living my life differently, partly for you. But you just won't let me! For some damn reason you're treating me like I'm still the little whore you met last year! And if that's the girl you think I am, than why are we having this baby Lucas? Why did you talk me into this and why the hell did you make me fall in love with you!

At the last words she shoves his chest making him stumble backwards a little  
and by now they are both fuming.

"What are you saying Brooke? That I _made_ you keep the baby? Are you insane?!"

"That's not what I said! Don't you dare twist my words around to suit you! At first , maybe I did keep this baby for you, because you wanted me to. But than I came around to the idea of us being parents. Right now though, I'm seriously questioning whether or not that was a good decision. And what makes you think you've never done anything wrong! What makes you think that you're so damn perfect Lucas Scott?!"

The blood in his veins turns to ice. She did not just say she regretted their baby, did she?

"Well, if you didn't want my child then maybe you shouldn't have kept it" he hisses. "God forbid she turns out anything like you!"

In a matter of seconds her face turns pale. Her hands move to her belly, as if to cover the baby inside her from their fight, and the first tears leave her eyes. Although it's not tears of sadness. It looks more like tears of pure anger.

"Screw you!" she breathes and takes a step towards him. He gets ready for the second slap but it never comes. Instead she pushes past him and grabs her car-keys on the table before heading for the front door. She's wearing nothing more than a pair of loose pj-pants and a tank-top and she's barefoot, but she swings the door open.

"Brooke… it's 3am!"

She turns back one more time. "So? I'd rather spend the night in my car then in here with you. There's nothing in here for me. _Nothing_!"

After that she slams the door shut behind her and leaves. And he stands there replaying the events of the last hours wondering how a relationship could go from being perfect to this in less then a day.

Suddenly he wishes that he could just rewind time to earlier in the day. That he could keep Skills from playing the tape so that this whole fight would be avoided. Too much had just been said between him and Brooke and even though he's still high on adrenaline he realizes that this hadn't been just a little disagreement.

As he watches the car's tail-lights disappearing down the street he thinks that he should be more mature than this. He should calm down and go after her. Talk to her rationally about this and tell her that all this is because he is just so scared. So damn scared of losing her to someone else and to not be enough for her and their soon to come daughter. But he can't. So he lets her go and when he can't see her car any longer he slowly walks over to the kitchen table and sits down, resting his head in his hands. He needs to think.

What the hell had he just done? Maybe this was the failure that his father predicted…

----

_I guess it's time I run  
Far, far away _

_find comfort in pain  
All pleasure's the same  
It just keeps me from trouble_

Brooke drives for almost an hour. Just follows the road, out of Tree Hill and on in to the next small town community, and then the next. Finally she runs low on gas and she really doesn't want to go into a gas station barefoot and in her PJ's, so she parks the car on a small street and leans her head back towards the head-rest.

She feels like her life is no longer her life. For months she has been so happy. Hers and Lucas' relationship has gone so well and it has felt safe to live with him and Karen. She has been happy about the baby and about them moving out on their own soon and going to college. At least she thought that what she had felt was happiness, but now as she sits alone in the car, parked on the dark street, she starts to question it all.

She had made so many changes in her life the last year and a half. Most of them good ones. But thinking about it while tears start running down her cheeks she can't make out if she did these changes for herself or for Lucas. And if she had done them only for him, then where the hell would that leave her now?

And then she questions her self about keeping the baby. Raindrops start to fall on the windshield and within minutes it's developed to a heavy downfall. It drums rhythmically against the metal roof and she wraps her arms around herself, thinking about the life inside her and whether or not she kept it because she truly wanted to or because she wanted to make sure that she would always have _him_. Her Lucas.

Fear starts creeping through her body as she thinks of the possibility that she and Lucas had done the same thing her own parents did, keeping a baby to heal a non-functioning relationship… But then she feels her daughter kick inside of her and instantly she knows that it will never be the same as with her family. What ever the reasons for keeping her baby had been, and what ever she had said in anger to Lucas, she would never do things differently. She loves her unborn child more and more for every day.

Frustrated she dries away the spilling tears with the back of her hand and takes a deep breath, thinking that whatever happened now Emma would never suffer for her own mistakes.

Lucas words had cut her like knives earlier in the kitchen but the more she thinks about it the angrier she gets. How could he not see how hard she had been trying to be a better person? He had acted like she had done all this on purpose. Like the sole purpose of her drunken night with Nathan years ago was to hurt him. Didn't he understand that she would have done anything to keep him happy?

It's dark outside and she realizes for the first time that she hasn't brought anything to this spontaneous outing. Not her cell phone, not her visa-card, not even a sweater or a jacket. She shivers, and although it's June now, she turns the heat up in the car and runs her hands up and down her arms.

Across the street there's a payphone-booth and she knows that eventually she has to take the spare coins in the glove-compartment and call someone. Her first thought is of course to call Lucas, but her stomach tightens when she thinks back to how he looked at her in the kitchen earlier.

No, she has to call someone else, but not now. Not yet.

First she needs to think all this through and figure out if there is any truth in all the insults he had thrown in her face. Any truth at all…

She's angry but her heart is still breaking in more pieces than she ever thought possible and she can't stop crying.

The night passes slowly in the confined space of the car. Seconds feel like hours and minutes like days. Everything is just a blur of waterdrops. Tears mixed with rain.

_How I wish I could walk through  
the doors of my mind  
Hold memory close at hand  
Help me understand the years  
How I wish I could  
Choose between Heaven and Hell  
How I wish I would save my soul  
I'm so cold from fear_

----

* * *

**Author's note**: Hate me? I bet. And I bet you're all thinking; How the hell can she willingly pick up the crappy storyline of the sex-tape? Well… you know, I hated it too when Mark pulled it out of his sleeve, but this is supposed to be alternate s4 and some things need to be kept. Although some facts were of course changed along the way…

Again, thanks for ALL the amazing reviews for this story.  
Now tell me what you think of this chapter and I might just give you another fast update. ;) /**Lynn**


	31. All Or Nothing

**Authors note: **You all have no idea how happy I am that the last chapter was so well received. The reviews were no less than amazing. I'm updating under the two week mark again, but the next chapter might take three.

The biggest shout-out ever to my little Casey that did an awesome job betaing this chapter. I know that I was a pain in the ass sometimes Cas, but I **love** you.

The storyline picks up right about where we left off at the end of last chapter and it's title and lyrics are from the song 'All or nothing' by O-town.

**-**

* * *

**CHAPTER 31 – All Or Nothing**

_You and I  
could lose it all if you've got no more room,  
No room inside  
for me in your life…  
_

Tick tock… tick tock… tick tock…

The clock on the wall over the kitchen door shows 9.45 but Lucas feels like his sense of time disappeared long ago. It could have been when he realized that Brooke didn't just take a quick spin around the block to let him cool down, or it might have been when he phoned up all their friends asking if they have seen the brunette girl. By the time he came home from circling the neighborhood he knew that this was serious. So when he finally woke his mother up to tell her what he had done, he was certain. He was past the brink of insanity.

As each moment passes, he feels like the kitchen is closing in on him. And if it's possible, this makes him even angrier. Leaving like this was probably Brooke's way of punishing him, because she knew him well enough to know that he would be frantic. He hates it when she storms out when she is upset. _He hates it when she __is__ upset_. And every time she leaves like this he can't shake the feeling that something bad has happened to her. That her little blue beetle is wrapped around a tree-trunk somewhere outside the city limit. Or that by now, someone had noticed her fragile state and had taken advantage of it.

Although this time the worry is worse than ever. This time she is carrying _their_ baby.

"Still no word from her?"

The voice startles him and he looks up to see his mom standing in the doorway. She looks worried too and he shakes his head. He wants to be able to say 'yes'. To tell her that Brooke called and that his girlfriend is on her way home as they speak, but he can't.

"No. Nothing…"

Karen sighs and rubs her belly.

"If no one has heard from her by the time I come back we have to call everybody up and start searching for her for real. God Lucas, how could you be so stupid? She's pregnant. You should know better than to upset her when she's in this state… in fact, you shouldn't had gone off on her at all."

He lowers his head, unable to meet her gaze. The disappointment in her voice is enough to tear at his heart. 'And now it's begun' he thinks, while fixating at a certain stain on the table. 'I'm becoming just like _him_…'

"Where are you going?" he asks silently. He doesn't want his mother to leave because that means that he will have even more time to climb the walls.

"To my doctor's appointment."

She picks up her handbag and makes her way to the door. With one last glance at him, and a sigh that tells him exactly how she feels, she continues; "Call me if you hear anything, okay? I don't like this Lucas… I really don't."

"And you think I do?" he mutters as he hears the door click shut.

Frustrated he combs his fingers through his hair and takes a deep breath. 'Okay, calm down… She's fine. She's just doing this to piss you off…'

The ticking from the clock seems to grow louder and louder with each passing minute, and he starts to feel his butt go numb from sitting on the uncomfortable wooden chair, but he doesn't get up. He has looked everywhere and there's nothing more he can do now… except to wait.

Then there's a sound of someone turning the doorknob and looking up, Lucas sees Brooke standing in the doorway. His heart takes a leap. She is alright…

Doing a double take to make sure that she is actually standing in front of him he realizes that 'alright' might be an exaggeration. Under her eyes dark circles has begun to form, making her look tired and worn out. Her eyes, red-rimmed and puffy, don't show any emotion. But at least she doesn't look like she has been harmed...physically that is. The pressure that has been filling his chest releases a little and for the first time in hours it feels like he can finally breathe.

"Where the hell have you been Brooke?" he says, his voice sounding unused and raspy. "I've been worried sick!"

She looks at him, eyes still void of emotion and he's so used to seeing her green eyes be full of love that the eyes looking back at him now doesn't even seem to be hers. Then she says;

"You were worried? You have a strange way of showing it, I must say."

Nothing more. No explanation, no excuses, no yelling. She walks right past him and heads into their bedroom and he doesn't move from his spot for a minute or two, wondering if the girl he just saw coming in through the door really was Brooke. But then he hears her pulling out the drawers and opening the closet doors and he makes his way to the back of the house. Was she packing?

"What are you doing?" he asks breathlessly while watching from the doorway as she throws down things haphazardly in a big duffel-bag. "Where are you going?"

She ignores him and continues to stuffs jeans and t-shirts into the bag and then bends over to pick up some shoes from inside the closet. Leaning down she puts a hand at the small of her back and makes a pained sound and he closes his eyes, feeling frustrated and helpless. He wants to tell her to take it easy. That lately her back always hurts when she hasn't slept enough or been on her feet too much. But the chance that she would even let him finish that sentence seems slim to none.

So instead he repeats himself; "Where are you going Brooke? And where were you all night?"

"I'm going to Rachel's."

She won't even glance his way, and when he walks into the room and reaches out to touch her arm she pulls away.

"Don't Lucas… this is hard enough as it is. I'll call you."

While he still stands with his hand in mid air, she picks up the bag and gives him one last look before walking past him and leaving again. And he just watches her go even though he knows out of experience that it's a bad move on his part because of their history. He's just feeling too confused to move. _He_ is the one that deserves to be angry, yet _she_ is the one leaving _him_. And what did she mean by 'I'm going to Rachel's'? For how long?

Honestly, as the night had faded away, the anger he had felt over what had happened between her and Nathan had been pushed away to give room for anxiety and fear. A fear that, even though he knows Brooke is alive and well, won't seem to leave him. Although now, he is scared for entirely different reasons.

…What if she didn't come back?

---

Rachel yawns and stretches her arms over her head before sitting up in the bed with an annoyed sigh. Someone just won't stop knocking on the god damn door and the sound is driving her insane.

"What could you possibly want at this hour?!" she yells as she pulls on a slinky robe, fully knowing that the person on the outside won't hear her. "It's freakin' ten o'clock in the morning! This better be important…"

The knocking gets louder as she makes her way downstairs. Ready to scold the person on the other side, she yanks the door open. But the sight that meets her turns her angry scowl into a look of worry.

"God Brooke… what happened to you?"

Her friend is standing on the porch with tears streaming fast down her cheeks. And within seconds Brooke has thrown her arms around Rachel's neck and is crying heavily against her shoulder. Rachel pats the tiny girl's back uncomfortably and keeps making hushing noises until the crying has become silent sobs.

And then Brooke says something that makes her eyes widen.

"I need to stay here Rach… I'll find my own place, I promise, but I have to stay with you for a while. I can't go home."

Stunned, she just nods. She motions Brooke inside and closes the door behind her. Following Brooke into the house, she heads for the downstairs living room. Brooke slumps down onto one of the couches but instead she walks over to the bar and pours her father's _expensive looking _whiskey into two glasses. And when she puts them down on the table and sits down beside her friend, Brooke sighs longingly.

"I wish I could Rach, god knows I need it… but I can't drink. I'm pregnant, remember?"

"I know. They're both for me."

It might still be early, but by the look on Brooke's face, and the bag placed by her feet, she can already tell. Whatever it is, she'll be needing the alcohol. So she tips her head back and downs the first glass in one mouthful. The fluid stings her throat as it makes its way down to her stomach, but at least the last traces of sleep has been erased from her mind. She then leans back into the cushions and sighs;

"Okay Brookie, tell me. What did the stupid boy do this time?"

-

An hour later the story is out and Rachel can't believe that a person as intelligent as Lucas can be so amazingly dumb. Of course she noticed how he reacted when seeing the tape last night, she had been shocked herself. But she had been sure that he would calm after listening to Brooke's explanation like he usually did. Lucas could never be angry at Brooke for long, it was a proven fact. Although this time was obviously different.

"I can't believe he called you a slut…"

"See why I can't stay with him?"

She nods her head, while reaching for the other shot. "Are you sure you don't want a drink? I wouldn't blame you if you had one…"

Brooke chuckles and shakes her head. It's not a happy sound though, it's hollow and lacks of her usual strength.

"You know Rachel, I never thought he'd say that… I guess I know him as badly as he knows me. It's kind of funny when you think about it… maybe we've just been fooling ourselves because he knocked me up? Maybe getting back together… was a mistake."

But Rachel can't seem to find the humor in this situation. Even less so when Brooke's eyes once again fill with tears threatening to spill over and she notices how hard her friend tries not to let them. Still, she feels like she has to be honest. The pampering and the '_telling you what you want to hear_' has never been her thing, and someone needs to tell Brooke the truth.

"Listen" she says and looks deep into her friend's green eyes. "You are having his baby Brooke. In less than two months. And you can't just sit here and pout and be stubborn like you normally would. I agree that he's an asshole right now and that he had no right to say even half the things he did. But you need to talk this out. Just because you're both still in high school doesn't mean you can treat your relationship like the ordinary high school romance. You need to fix this. Like now!"

Brooke stares back at her with a look of hurt. As if she feels that Rachel isn't supportive enough."I'm not sure I want to fix this. And even if I did, I can't. He'll never let me forget this…" she says and falls back against the cushions once again. "He seems to think that everything I did in the past, every little hook-up or drunken mistake, I did just to piss him off or hurt him. I'm not that person anymore but even so, he needs to love me unconditionally. And if he can't accept that I have a past that he might not like, than I don't see how we can survive this."

She's quiet for a bit and Rachel pats her arm to show that she didn't really mean to be harsh. And then Brooke sighs. "He has to think about this and he has to decide if he wants me… All of me, faults and all. It's either that or nothing."

Rachel nods solemnly. She understands what her friend means. And she knows that Lucas will come around eventually. She just hopes that it won't be too late when he does.

Maybe she should go see him, she thinks. Talk to him and speed the process up a bit. She will gladly knock some sense into that boy's head and if she hadn't been so shocked the night before, she would have done so already. But now, after hearing what he said to Brooke last night she'd like to punch him right between the eyes. But that still is nothing compared to what she wants to do to Peyton Sawyer.

Brooke would probably kill her if she found out that she was meddling, but she was the baby's godmother, which in her mind gave her the right to interfere. And she'd be damned if she let her little goddaughters parent's split up over a thing like this.

"You should go rest Brooke" she tells the brunette and points towards the bedroom. "I have to go, uh? ...Meet this guy...Yeah."

Great explanation, she tells herself silently, now Brooke would catch on for sure. But to her surprise Brooke just nods and pushes herself off of the couch with a heavy sigh. And as her friend waddles towards the bedroom they used to share, Rachel can hear her mumble; "It's so not fun to be pregnant right now…"

She gets up as well and gathers her things. She reaches for her car-keys but not before grabbing Brooke's bag and placing it out in the hallway. She shakes her head sadly. She knows Brooke better than she might think. She knows that she is a spur of the moment kind of girl that doesn't fully take in to account what her actions might cause. But this; her bag packed with necessities, shows that she is serious. That leaving Lucas and showing up on her doorstep, asking for a place to stay was definitely something Brooke has thought through.

---

_There are times it seems to me  
I'm sharing you in memories  
I feel it in my heart  
But I don't show it, show it  
And then there's times you look at me  
As though I'm all that you can see  
Those times I don't believe its right. I know it, know it  
_

Later that night Brooke lies in Rachel's bedroom wide awake. The redhead is snoring lightly in the other bed, probably tired after trying to entertain her the entire evening with pizza, ice-cream and a chick-flick marathon.

Apart from the two hours that Rachel had been gone in the afternoon, her friend had been at her side the entire day, trying to help her forget that she was definitely in the wrong house. And of course she loves Rachel for it. She does. It's just that nothing can change the fact that in the last 36 hours her life has been turned upside down.

She shouldn't be here. Right now she should be wrapped in Lucas' arms, lovingly scolding him for holding her when the summer-nights was already warm enough to make her overheated. And he was supposed to laugh and tell her that he didn't care, that he'd never let her go…

She buries her face into the pillow and weeps silently, wishing that he would just come and get her. That he would tell her he's sorry, that he loves her and that he can't sleep without her just like she can't sleep without him. She wishes for all this, but in reality he hasn't even called.

This morning she said that _she_ would call _him_, but somewhere in the back of her head she had of course hoped that he would have stopped her before she left. She meant what she had told Rachel earlier. She needed time away from Lucas, time to let him figure out if this; being with her, was what he really wanted. But even so, that didn't mean that she didn't already miss him.

She misses him more than she ever thought possible.

And when she finally drifts off to sleep at around 2 AM, she doesn't even have any tears left to cry.

_It's not the way I choose to live  
And something, somewhere's got to give  
As sharing this relationship gets older, older  
You know I'd fight for you  
But how can I fight someone  
Who isn't even there  
I've had the rest of you  
Now I want the best of you  
I don't care if that's not fair  
_

------

Sunday comes and Lucas has been sitting in his car outside of Nathan and Haley's apartment for almost twenty minutes. He knows that they're home because he can see them through the kitchen window, but for some reason he can't seem to make himself get out of the seat. Just the sight of Nathan sparks new flames of anger in his stomach and he breathes out through his nose.

How come he was sitting here alone in his car with Brooke off somewhere for the second day in a row, not wanting to see him, and Nathan was being served breakfast by a smiling Haley as if the other night had never happened? And how come it still makes him furious that Nathan had defended Brooke to Peyton? Was it because his brother had beaten him to it? Or was it because he knew that what his brother had done in the situation was the right thing?

_There's a fifty percent chance you'll be a jackass just like me son…_

Nathan used to be the jackass, but if he was really honest then he had to admit that his brother was a changed man. Ever since he married Haley he had evolved into a better person. At least he thought he had up until last night.

He takes a deep breath and finally opens the car-door. He needs to talk to Nathan and see if what Brooke told him was true. And he needs to find out if Haley is okay, he really should have done that yesterday. Although the second thing on the agenda seems unnecessary, seeing how she hugs Nathan in their kitchen.

He knocks on the door and it's Haley that opens it. He hasn't talked to her since he called her looking for Brooke the other night, but since she doesn't look worried and she doesn't ask if Brooke's back, he guesses that she's either angry enough not to care what has happened to Brooke or she has already talked to her.

"Hey Hales" he says and she reaches out and hugs him. He hugs back and sighs inwardly in relief that she is on his side. Not like his mom who has been shooting him disappointed glances for two days, making him feel worse then he already does.

But his comfort is short-lived because Haley smiles when pulling back and says; "Karen told me that Brooke came home safely. You've talked it out now, right? I mean you're good, right?"

He doesn't smile back, simply answers "No", and her face grows serious again. "What?"

"She came back, packed and left again, apparently she's gonna stay with Rachel now."

His voice comes out bitter and Haley closes her eyes and sighs. "Oh no Luke… what did you do?"

What did he do? 'Wrong question Hales' he thinks. The issue here was what _she_ did, or maybe _they_. Brooke and Nathan. His girlfriend and his brother.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows that there are also other reasons for him pushing Brooke away like this, but being angry and blaming others is so much easier. So ignoring her question he looks past her into the apartment and sees that Nathan is standing in the living-room watching him. And then it's like if his brother knows what he's thinking because he sighs and grabs a sweater that's hanging over a nearby chair.

"I'll see you later at the hospital" he says to Haley as he passes her in the open door. "Kiss the boys from me."

Haley nods and leans up so that Nathan can press a chaste kiss on her lips and then the door closes. Neither of them say anything, instead Nathan walks over to his car, opens the trunk and picks up a basketball. And in a silent agreement they both start walking towards the River court.

--

Nathan bounces the ball off the heated tarmac and even though his brother drives his elbow into his chest to get in his way, Nathan still makes the jump-shot with centimeters to spare. The one-on-one game has been going on for over twenty minutes, and to a bystander it probably looks like they're just playing a little rough. But he knows that this is plain war. Lucas isn't one to start a fight and instead of punching his lights out, his big brother tries to beat him on the court. Just like he had done two years ago.

"I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did" he says, trying to catch his breath before passing the ball over to Lucas.

The ball comes shooting back into his chest, hard.

"Yeah. Me too."

Lucas voice is cold, unforgiving and laced with anger. And when he looks up from the ball, his big brother watches him like prey. He dribbles back and circles Lucas a couple of times, trying to give him a chance to breathe too. This heated game is not good for Lucas' HCM, but telling him to stop wouldn't help much in this situation. So he settles for second best and stalls as much as he can.

Lucas reaches for the ball but he bounces it behind his back, on a safe distance from his blond brother's hands. Tries to get him to talk instead of physically straining his heart.

"The day when we threw the party, before you saw the tape, you told me how lucky you were for having Brooke… And you know, me screwing her a year before you two even met doesn't change that. You're _damn_ lucky. Anyone will tell you that; Hales, Mouth, Rachel, Bevin, your mom… hell, maybe even Peyton if you catch her on an honest day…"

There's a sound coming from Lucas, an irritated huff, and while dribbling Nathan looks for eye contact, but Lucas just squints and keeps trying to get past him. So finally he gives the ball up and lets Lucas get two points in. He has almost given up on his brother saying something more when Lucas mutters;

"How the hell would _you_ feel if you found out that Haley had sex with _me_, huh? And on top of it all, you had to see it on tape?!"

Sighing, he dries the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand and then snatches the ball back. Bouncing it a couple of times while pausing to think.

"I can't say I would be happy. I'd feel weird as hell, and it would probably be a while before I could relax when you guys hugged and stuff like that… But I'd _like_ to think that I would at least be smart enough to realize that it happened before I met her, and that I had no right to make her feel bad about herself because of it." He backs up and dribbles, but this time his brother doesn't follow, so he stops and looks at him seriously.

"I meant what I said at the party Luke. What me and Brooke did or didn't do back then really doesn't concern you. It's in the past…"

"It's easy for you to _say_ that."

They're both out of breath, chests heaving up and down and sweat pouring down their faces.

"Yeah, maybe so… And to be honest, if it _was_ the other way around and you and Haley had slept together, I would probably go mental. Act like an idiot and punch you right in the eye. Then I'd go and get shit-faced drunk before ending up being all pathetic and throwing rocks on Haley's window until she forgave me. But that's _me_, not you. _You_ are not usually an ass Lucas. Confused, yes. A little dense when it comes to knowing how to treat the ladies, hell yes. But never knowingly evil. That's not your game, and that's why I don't understand this… Why are you pushing Brooke away like this? You're a smart guy and you _know_ that she didn't do anything wrong."

Lucas still doesn't move so he stops dribbling and holds the ball, hoping that this is the end of their crazed game and that they can finally talk. His brother watches the river and for a while the only sounds heard are their heavy breathing and the slow rattling of leafs on the nearby trees.

"Why didn't you just tell me Nate? You had a million opportunities."

"Because it didn't matter. That's what you're failing to understand. That night between Brooke and me meant about as much as a walk in the park or a trip to the movies, maybe even less. I don't know why Brooke didn't tell you, but I would guess she forgot about it ever happening, or she was just afraid that you'd take the news badly. And if it's the second option, then I must say that you didn't really prove her wrong, did you?"

Lucas huffs in response to this. "She says she didn't remember it, not until she saw the tape. But come on! How can either of you _forget_ having sex with each other?! That's just bullshit Nathan, you don't forget something like that!"

The look Lucas gives him is a tired and angry at the same time, and he feels himself starting to tire as well.

"Something like what? A drunken hook-up? A faceless fuck among others? Don't forget that both Brooke and I screwed a lot of people that year… maybe our night just got lost in the mix…"

An old couple walk by and he grows silent but Lucas frowns, clenching his fists at his sides.

"Are you calling my girlfriend a slut?"

"The same girlfriend that left your house in tears two days ago? No, from what I've heard _you_ were the one that called her that… Seriously Luke, how the fuck could you say that to her? She must have been crushed, man…"

"Not as crushed as I was…"

By now he can feel himself rolling his eyes and he throws his hands out in frustration.

"God, come on Luke! Stop the self pity, okay!? Brooke had a life before she met you? Big deal! She _loves_ you, dude. She carries your _baby_! And for some reason she still wants to be with you, even when you're acting like an idiot. If you could just cut her some slack and stop acting like a stubborn child. Stop fucking acting like _dad_! Keep this up and I'm telling you Lucas; you'll lose Brooke. And I'm not talking about chrashing at Rachel's for a few days."

He can see Lucas flinch at the mention of Dan and he instantly regrets his words. Especially when his brother's shoulders slope to give him a defeated posture and he turns and walks over to the picnic-table. He calls after him but Lucas just sits down tiredly and after a while Nathan follows.

"Sorry man" he says when sitting down. "That was a low blow…"

"Don't sweat it. It's true."

"No it's not." He shakes his head vigorously. "You are nothing like dad. I used to take after him a lot, but you've _never_ been like Dan, you _know_ that Luke."

Lucas doesn't answer and for several minutes they sit in silence, watching the old basketball playground and the ball that lays forgotten in the middle of the court. And just when Nathan starts to think that time has somehow stopped, Lucas sighs and pulls a hand through his sweaty hair.

"Ever since Dan told me I would fuck this 'family-thing' up a couple of weeks ago, I've been so scared… It's like this poison has crept inside of me, making me think that I'm destined to become like him and that no matter how I try, I'll end up hurting Brooke, maybe even Emma… And the worst thing is that the more I seem to think about it, the more it becomes true…"

He shifts on the bench and opens his mouth to protest, but Lucas continues.

"Sometimes when she comes into the room I can't breathe, you know… it's like I love her so much that I realize I would die if I lost her, and it scares me so much Nate. It terrifies me that I might not be enough for her, that she might someday get tired of all this and find somebody else. And when dad said that Brooke would never change, it wasn't that I agreed with him that she was a slut, I just realized that she can have anyone she wants. Anyone! I mean, you're right, she IS amazing. She's beautiful beyond words, she's smart, funny, strong willed, ambitious… Why would she stay with me, huh? I can't give her half of what she and Emma deserve…"

"Man, come on…"

"No Nathan, it's true. I can't support them. I can't treat Brooke to nice things. I can't even sign the lease to the apartment that we've been talking about for college as a surprise for her, since I don't have enough bank credibility. And I can't tell her that I lie awake at night afraid that she'll love the baby more than she'll love me… or that there's a more than a fifty percent chance that I'll cheat on her."

By now his big brother has his face in his hands, and there's a tremble in his voice that shows he's close to tears. So Nathan puts a hand on Lucas' shoulder and awkwardly rubs it.

"What do you mean Luke? Why would you cheat on Brooke? You love her…"

He's feeling confused, and his brother's way of talking in riddles isn't helping. He had of course already guessed that this whole mess had other bases then just the unfortunate tape. But Lucas was losing him now, with the talk about Dan and about cheating. Lucas sighs deeply before saying;

"This is gonna sound stupid, but sometimes I wish that you were still a jackass like a couple of years ago…"

Nathan frowns. "Why?"

"Because then I wouldn't have to listen to Dan's voice playing over and over in my head, saying that at least one of us is gonna end up like him, and I wouldn't be so damn scared that it would prove to me. I mean, it's logical if you think about it… You've redeemed yourself. Ever since meeting Haley you've known that she was the one, and you've stayed true to that. But I've fucked up so many times already… just look at what I did to Brooke with the whole Peyton-debacle...twice. And then I went out with Anna just to make Brooke jealous, making it all even worse…"

Finally Nathan has had enough and he waves his hands in a stopping-motion.

"Woa Luke, stop. What in the hell are you saying here? You've actually been _listening_ to dad? And you _believe_ the shit that comes out of his mouth?! You of all people should know that NOTHING he says is true. God, we're talking about the same guy that abandoned you and your mom, took Keith's business away from him and tried to _strangle_ you when you saved him from the fire at the dealership!"

He almost feels like punching Lucas for letting their stupid father get to him. But instead he takes a couple of deep breaths and waits until Lucas looks back up.

"Listen carefully Luke. You're the best thing that happened to Brooke since I don't even know when. She and I might have not been all that close when we were younger but everybody in Tree Hill knows that most of the stupid things she did in the past was to get attention from parents that didn't give a shit about her. You love her more than anything and that's ALL she needs from you, understand? She already _has_ pretty things and if she needs more she can buy them herself with her trust-fund. She just needs you to love _her_.

Lucas looks up and wipes his face with his arm, mixing what could be tears with the sweat already there.

"I love her so damn much it's silly, that's why this hurts so much. Honestly, I don't care if she slept with the entire basketball team twice. I just wished she would have trusted me enough to tell me."

Again Nathan rubs Lucas' back.

"She trusts you big brother, I'd guess she trusts you even more than she trusts herself. But you have to understand that she might have not told you because she didn't want to ruin your image of her. Haley keeps saying that Brooke changed thanks to you and I heard Peyton say once that Brooke changed to please you, but I don't believe any of that. I think she changed unconsciously because she loves you enough to want to be a better person. Just like I did with Haley. And I think that it's for the same reason that you're stressing over this Dan-thing. When you love someone you want to be the best you can be, I think that's natural."

In the distance birds are chirping and the sun warms their backs as they sit in silence for a while, both of them thinking about their respective little families. And then Lucas sighs deeply, sounding almost like he's in pain.

"Nate, I screwed up, didn't I?"

Nodding he sighs too. "Yeah man. I'm sorry to say it, but you really did."

---

Monday morning comes and it's officially two weeks left of school. Graduation is around the corner and so is the long summer-vacation, making the spirit high in the dusty school corridors. But for Lucas the day is the worst in a long time. Because the routines surrounding school makes the last days even more real.

It's weird to walk the school corridors without Brooke's small hand in his. He misses the weight of her book-bag on his shoulder and the sound of her pearly laughter. He misses her grumpiness in the morning when driving to school and the scent of her on his clothes.

After his long talk with his brother yesterday anger is switched into a feeling of being completely lost and in the midst of it all it's finally dawning on him that she doesn't live with him any more.

She's not sharing his bed or his breakfast bagel. She's not sending him cute text-massages or waking him up in the middle of the night because she just can't remember the name of 'that guy that plays in that band that did that song which started with hmm hm…about love…something'.

And by lunchtime it's even clearer than before. He's miserable without her, it's as simple as that.

Classes are slow. Tests and assignments have all been submitted and grades have already been set. He's thankful for this because with everything that's going on inside his head he would never have been able to learn anything. In every class he shares with her he does nothing but watch her, restraining himself from shouting at her that this has to stop. And when he has class without her he just sits and stares into space, trying to figure out how to make her understand.

The three days they've been away from each other is enough. The point is proven and he learnt his lesson. If he could tattoo 'idiot' or 'asshole' on his own forehead, he would.

He remembers lashing out at Brooke's father when he implied that she was a little slut, and he even remembers protecting her from Haley the first week they ever dated. So why hadn't he protected her this time? Nathan had finally made him see that there was no difference between this and everything else that she had done that he had just let slide. And as Rachel had pointed out; If he could so easily forgive her for finding her in bed with Chris during the time he loved her, then why couldn't he get over something she did before they had even talked to each other?

During the day, when they occasionally meet in the hallway, Brooke is distant. Her eyes never really meet his and she rarely says anything. Twice she even turns and walks in the other direction. She makes it look like she has forgotten something but he knows that she's avoiding him. He can feel it.

Right now he watches her as she puts her books into her locker. She looks tired and he feels bad. Last night he had called her at almost two o'clock. The need to talk to her and just hear her voice became too much for him. And even thought Brooke specifically told him she would call him, he had just let the signals ring until she finally answered, sounding newly awoken and disoriented.

"_Hallo?"_

"_It's me Brooke. Please don't hang up…"_

"_Lucas? Are you alright?"_

_He stayed silent for a couple of seconds, just listened to her breathing. Then he whispered;_

"_I'm sorry pretty girl… I'm so sorry…"_

"_I don't think you really are."_

_She didn't sound angry. Not even irritated. She just stated it, as if it was crystal clear. And that hurt him even more. _

"_I miss you…" he said silently and this time she was the one that didn't say anything. For a moment he thought, or maybe just hoped, that she would say that she missed him too. But when she finally spoke she just said;_

"_Good night Lucas."_

_Her voice was soft but the words were final and he whispered; "I love you" before hanging up. She didn't say it back._

Her back is turned towards him where she stands and he takes in the sight of her. Her long dark hair is tied back in a sloppy ponytail and she wears jeans and a baggy sweater even though its almost 90 degrees outside. She wears no make-up, and even though she's as beautiful as always, he still notices the difference. When walking over to her guilt creeps in and makes his heart even heavier. Maybe what Rachel said the other day was true…

_You make her doubt herself Lucas… You're starting to make her think that you were right when judging her, and that's not fair…_

"About last night…" he says looking down into the floor, and she turns towards him. "I'm sorry for calling you so late…"

He can't interpret her facial expression, but she seems calm. "It's okay. You _can_ call me, you can still _talk_ to me Luke. I'm not gonna break."

"Yeah well, I might…"

And it's true. The talk he had with Rachel hade made him think, but he had still been too upset then. Nathan became the turning point. His brother said some things that really hit home and now he knows how wrong he has handled this entire situation. That was part of the reason why he called Brooke last night, but hearing her voice made him chicken out. She was back to not believing him. Back to where they had been earlier this winter.

She looks at him, her facial expression still hard to interpret, and then she touches his arm. Her fingers linger warm on his skin for a couple of seconds and he stares at her hand, not knowing what to do. The small contact makes it even more evident how much his entire being misses her touch. And then she pulls back.

_Don't make me promises  
Baby you never did know how to keep them well  
I've had the rest of you  
Now I want the best of you  
It's time to show and tell  
_

"How are you Brooke?" he almost whispers and he's surprised when she honestly answers;

"Sad. Hurt. …Tired."

"Is there anything I can do to make all this better? I know I over-reacted and…"

But just as last night she interrupts his apologies.

"Wednesday morning at 9 AM is that scheduled appointment for my sonogram. If you want to come we can meet up there."

His heart feels like it's literally breaking in half. Of course he wants to come. He's been at every single one of her doctor's appointments except the one he missed when he was stuck in the cardio intensive-care unit.

"I'll come Brooke, of course I'll come. I'll drive you there…"

She shakes her head. "No, Rachel can drive me."

The bell rings for fifth period and he feels desperate, knowing that she'll leave.

"Come home Brooke…"

The tone in his voice is pleading, his eyes and body language the same, but she looks down into the floor.

"I'll see you in Algebra-class" she says silently and then she meets up with Bevin and walks off.

He's left standing there, people running back and forth around him, and he swallows to get rid of the lump stuck in his throat. Was this it? The end of him and Brooke?

He wants to scream at the people around him to stop walking and to be quiet so that he can think. And then he feels a hand on his shoulder and he hears Rachel's voice;

"It'll be alright Luke. She's your destiny, remember?"

He closes his eyes and nods.

_I want it all, or nothing at all  
There's nowhere left to fall  
When you've reached the bottom  
It's now or never  
Is it all, or are we just friends  
Is this how it ends  
With a simple telephone call  
You leave me here with nothing..._

_Nothing at all  
_

---

* * *

**Author's note:** That was it for this chapter. Be sure to tell me what you think.

And remember; The reviews all you guys send me makes me happier then a kid on Christmas morning and I need you all to know that without the awesome response I get from you, this story wouldn't be existing.

So thank you again. To all my FF-girls like Cami, Casey, Eva, Cheyenne, Vicky, Loes, Denise and the rest. And of course to Hilary for all the great convos while writing this chapter, and to Elena (Typokween) and Natalie (iluvmedou) for reviews so sweet they made me blush. To ALL of you that's still reading this… For real; **THANK YOU SO MUCH**.


	32. We're Just Ordinary People

**Author's note: **This is an update that's been way overdue. My 5-parter 'You look good in my shirt' got in the way, and to all of you that read and reviewed that; THANK YOU AGAIN! But as promised; Here is the latest chapter. Title of this is from a song by John Legend.

**-**

* * *

**CHAPTER 32 – We're Just Ordinary People**

_Girl I'm in love with you  
But this ain't the honeymoon,  
passed the infatuation phase  
We're right in the thick of love,  
At times we get sick of love,  
It seems like we argue every day..._

When Lucas arrives to school on Tuesday morning Rachel is waiting for him in the parking lot. She's leaning against her big black car, arms crossed over her chest, and she keeps watching the clock on her wrist. She wears her usual bored smirk, but when he parks and gets out she pushes herself off of the hood and struts towards him.

"It's about time…"

He looks into the ground and slams the car door shut.

"Hey Rachel…"

He hasn't really talked to the redhead since she came over to his house four days ago, the same day Brooke left to live with her, and he still feels a little embarrassed about their talk. She however doesn't waste any time. She tosses him the small object that she's been holding

And he clumsily catches it.

"Give that to Brooke" she says and starts walking towards the entrance.

He looks down on the little jar of pills and instantly recognizes it as Brooke's iron supplements. She takes two every morning, he knows this because he's always the one reminding her to take them, still he doesn't understand why Rachel is giving them to him.

"Rach?" he calls out and she turns.

"She forgot them and you have class with her. Besides… You are the boyfriend, not me."

He makes a face. He doesn't even know if Brooke would call him boyfriend anymore. But Rachel ushers him on.

"Come on now Luke. Remember what I told you and it'll be fine… And you're the one that always tells her how important it is that she takes those, right?"

"Yeah…"

He shoves the little container into the pocket of his jeans and mumbles a quiet 'thank you' to Rachel before she disappears into the school. And after hoisting his backpack higher up on his shoulder he starts yet another school day the wrong way; by walking up the steps an in through the entrance alone.

The corridors are slowly emptying and he crams his bag into his locker and grabs his geography books. On the inside of his locker door he keeps pictures of him and Brooke, silly pictures of kisses in photo-booths, and of course copies of the different sonograms. He looks at them for a second before shutting it again and he thinks about the talk he and Rachel had.

With all his being he hopes she's right.

"_Lucas is in the shower" he heard his mother say as he walked from the bathroom towards the kitchen, and he stopped and waited to hear who she was talking to. "I'm guessing you're here to see him and not me."_

_For a second he hoped that it was Brooke that had returned but then he heard Rachel's voice._

"_Yeah, I need to talk to him for a bit…"_

_He could picture the redhead nod and frown, probably already with a plan on how to chop of__f his balls. His mother's voice on the other hand just sounded tired and worried. _

"_Would you like anything to drink while you wait? I've just made coffee…"_

"_Thanks."_

_Probably another nod and then the pouring of coffee, because there was a silent pause and then the clinking sound of china hitting china.__ After a while he could hear his mother sigh; _

"_How is Brooke? She came over to your house, right? Lucas said she was going over to you."_

"_Yeah she's still there, but I don't think it'll be for more than a couple of days." _

_Even if he was still standing hidden in the hallway he could hear on Rachel voice that she wasn't entirely sincere, she just didn't want to upset his mother. Or maybe she didn't want to say too much __because she wasn't sure how much about last night that Brooke wanted his mom to know__. But then she added;_

"_She was pretty sad though…"_

_He needed to see their faces and he silently sneaked closer in the hallway. Peeking in through the kitchen door he saw his mom nod_

"_I'm glad she has friends like you Rachel. You've done a lot for Brooke these last six months. And since I'm guessing that you're here to yell at Luke, I just want to inform you that I've already gone off on him twice about this whole debacle. I did __not__ raise him to act like this."_

_She shook__ her head sternly for emphasis and to his surprise he heard Rachel stifled a giggle. "You know miss Roe, your son is actually an okay guy. I just think he had momentary laps of judgement. Usually he's almost too nice to Brooke. He spoils her rotten…"_

_Squirming a bit in the empty hallway he finally fake-coughed and stepped in through the door. He couldn't bare eavesdropping when Rachel was saying nice things about him. Not since he really didn't deserve it. 'Usually I'm nice' he thought as both of the women looked up at him. 'But this time I wasn't. And they both know it…'_

_Unconsciously he scanned the room for a possible third person, although he knew he wouldn't find who he was looking for. His girlfriend. _

_Rachel glared at him coldly__, as if she knew what he was doing, and huffed;_

"_She's not here. I left her at the house."_

_He sighed__. "Rach, you wanna go for a walk? I could use some air…"_

_She __raised an eyebrow and looked down on her feet, as if silently contemplating if her Jimmy Choo's would stand for it, but seemed to decide that a stroll around the block would be fine because she shrugged. _

"_Sure__…" she said and stood up. "Thanks for the coffee Miss Roe."_

_His mother __smiled warmly at Rachel but he could still feel the tension that had created it self in the room since he stepped in. It was clear that she wasn't happy with him at all. _

"_You__'re welcome Rachel. And give Brooke a big hug from me. Tell her to call me after she's rested a bit."_

"_I will."_

_Lucas said nothing. He just walked straight out through the front door and __Brooke's redheaded friend quickly put her cup away in the sink before following him. At first he walked fast, almost making Rachel have to jog to keep up, but once past the driveway he slowed his pace and let her catch up with him._

_"Is she alright?" he asked hesitantly, even though he already knew the answer and for the first time he actually looked up and met her eyes. "She isn't, right? Has she been crying?"_

_She looked__ back at him, probably searching for any kind of regret, and she must have found it because her harsh look softened a bit. "Of course she's been crying, you idiot" she sighed. "What did you think? That she would just laugh it off when you practically called her a whore?"_

_He hung his__ head. "I didn't say that..."_

_"No, but you __implied that she used to be a slut and that she'd never change, wasn't that the bottom line, huh? That you still think she runs around like a little tramp?" _

_The redhead arched her eyebrow in an almost sarcastic way and he flung out his hands in a frustrated gesture._

"_I didn't know what I was saying! I was shocked and angry and everything just kept piling up and... I don't know..."_

_He __felt helpless and trapped with no way of re-tracing his steps. He'd already realized he was out of line in his fight with Brooke, he understood that the second he had seen her hurt expression both in the car and in the kitchen that night. But he had been way too upset to be able to stop himself. The jealousness had made the venomous words roll off his tongue far too easy and he wanted to take them all back. But if he couldn't even get Rachel to see that he hadn't meant it, then how the hell would he convince Brooke? _

"_What was piling up?" Rachel said and interrupted his thoughts. "You two having a baby? Because you know, if that's what's bothering you, then you should have said something earlier. Now you're both kind of stuck in this situation…"_

_He gave her an angry look, feeling like that last remark was uncalled for, but as usual Rachel didn't seem to care. "You need to get your act together Lucas" she continued. "Brooke's hormonal and tired and she needs you right now. If you just get her to listen she'll come around."_

"_But how?" he whined. "How Rach?"_

"_Make a grand gesture. On the inside Brooke is still a romantic girl…__ Force her to see that running from you is futile. Make her understand that you're sorry…"_

The class hasn't started yet and he walks in and puts his books on the empty desk right behind his girlfriend. It's weird how from the back it's not even noticeable that she's pregnant, she just looks like she always has when sitting in class. And then if she would turn, that gorgeous basketball-like belly would be ever so prominent. Inwardly he sighs. It's been four days since he held her and equally long since he felt Emma's kicking under his palms.

But in his heart it feels a hell of a lot longer.

His classmates talk amongst each other but Brooke's playing with her cell in silence, empty expression on her face as if she is far away in dreams or thoughts. She's flips it open and closed absentmindedly a couple of more times, but as if though she senses him she finally looks up.

"Hi…" she says silently and he squats beside her chair.

"Hi baby…"

He touches her knee and hands her the jar of pills and the bottle of juice he found in his bag. "You forgot to take these…"

She makes a disgusted face. "I hate those" she mumbles but she still takes the container out of his hand. "They taste like dog-poop…"

He smiles but then the teacher steps in and the moment is over. For a second it had felt at least somewhat 'normal' but now Brooke's attention is already directed away from him.

"Take them anyway Brooke…" he says silently and strokes her arm. "You need them."

She just nods and turns towards the teacher, and sighing he sits down in his seat. Watching Brooke put the jar in her bag without even opening it. On top of everything he doesn't want her to faint because her iron-levels are too low, especially now that he's not with her all the time to catch her. What the hell was he going to do?

-

Haley sits a little further back in the classroom and she watches the scene between her two friends take place. It pains her to see them like this, both of them struggling, not being able to communicate. And in some ways it frightens her, because the last time Lucas got scared and stopped communicating, Brooke kept pulling back until one day when she just dumped him.

And this; watching Lucas be the caring boyfriend that he's been for the last six months, makes it all even harder. Because she knows how confused Brooke must feel.

'I need to talk to Brooke after class' she thinks. 'They can't keep this up and somebody needs to push them back together…'

Then her thoughts are broken by the sound of a cell phone and she instantly assumes it's Brooke's since Rachel's not in this class, but to her surprise Lucas is the one that retrieves his phone and silently says; "Hello?"

The teacher frowns looking annoyed and Haley leans over and hisses "Luke!" to get his attention but her childhood best friend just keeps talking in his cell, he even gets out of his chair, and now Brooke is watching him too.

"Yes this is Lucas… Oh, okay. We can? …Today? Alright…"

He slips out of the half open class-room door and the last thing Haley hears him say is; "No, I'll be coming alone. I'll meet you at one o'clock…"

She watches him push the door closed behind him and she can't help but wonder what he's up to. When he had said 'We can?' he had looked the happiest she'd seen him since Friday night when that stupid tape got re-discovered. She looks over at Brooke and notices that the brunette wears the same curious expression as herself, although Brooke's is also mixed with some insecurity. And Haley frowns. 'Come on Tigger…' she thinks and puts her pen down hard enough to make Nathan, who's sitting next to her, flinch in his seat. 'Give Lucas some credit, he's the freaking love of your life!'

"We're switching!" she hisses to her husband and he looks back at her confused.

"What?"

The teacher clears his throat and looks at them with one eyebrow raised, and she lowers her voice even more.

"You're talking to Brooke during lunch-break. _I'll_ take Lucas…"

"But Hales…"

Nathan looks tired, having been at the hospital with their boys until 2 AM while she finished off her valedictorian speech. But she's had enough of this.

"Just do it Nathan. This circus has to stop."

---

Nathan usually does what his wife tells him. Not because he's whipped but because he knows that she's brighter than most and she's usually right about these things.

But this time he feels hesitant about following her instructions because in all honesty he doesn't want to sit down and share some kind of heartfelt talk with Brooke. It's not that he doesn't like talking to Brooke; he loves his brother's girlfriend as if she legally was his sister-in-law, but talking to Lucas had been easy. Even though Lucas had been angry it was still a discussion that had come naturally. That had been needed…

As he walks towards the cafeteria he has an uncomfortable feeling churning in his stomach. Mostly because talking to Brooke about this entire mess probably means that he has to talk to her about the tape. And since they never talked about it, not even three years ago when it happened, he doesn't feel that thrilled. But also because he feels guilty in a way… if he hadn't slept with her that night then this wouldn't be taking place.

Last night while sitting with James in his arms he had shared these thoughts with Haley and she had just told him to stop.

_No one's to blame… It's in the past Nathan. This is an issue between Brooke and Lucas… _

Maybe Haley was right, but still…

He sees Brooke sitting with Rachel in the far corner of the cafeteria and he drags his feet. Rachel looks up as he steps up beside them and she smirks at him.

"Hey Scott, looking for me?"

"No…" He scratches the back of his neck. "Uhm… Brooke, can I talk to you for a sec?"

Brooke looks up now too and nods and Rachel moves out of her chair before even asked.

"I'm going over to Mouth and Skills" she says and touches Brooke's shoulder, nodding in another direction of the cafeteria. "Come over when you're done."

Nathan sits down in the now empty seat and sighs inwardly.

"So…" he says, trying to figure out what it really is that his wife wants him to accomplish by this, "How are you feeling?"

"Pregnant…" she mumbles and smiles. "And you? How are Josh and Jamie? I haven't seen them in a couple of days."

"They're fine. Growing like weeds…"

The smile in her eyes when she asks about his kids makes him happy. "One of the nurses said that we'll probably be able to take them home next week."

"Wow Nathan, that's great!"

They're both silent for a couple of minutes and Brooke watches him curiously. Finally she breaks the silence and asks;

"What's on your mind Nate? Is it Lucas or Haley that has sent you over?"

He squirms. "Maybe I just wanted to check up on you…"

"Liar…"

She smiles and puts her hand over his on the table. And for the first time he meets her eyes for real.

"Seriously Brooke, you don't look so good. Are you really okay?"

She's pale and that's weird to him since her nose and upper cheeks are covered in tiny freckles from the sun. And the food on her plate is untouched. Brooke usually cleaned the plate faster then a grown man. Even faster than himself.

She shrugs. "I guess… I mean, not to sound bitter but I messed the bed up and now I have to make it…"

"I think the saying goes; You made the bed and now you have to lay in it…"

"Whatever… you know what I mean."

He does. "I'm sorry about that Brooke…" he says and sighs, this time audibly. "This has totally been blown out of proportion. If either of us had known back then…"

She cuts him off saying; "Then I would still have slept with you. If someone would have told me an hour before we went into your bedroom and got naked that three years later I would be head over heals crazy in love with your brother, it wouldn't have mattered. I was drunk, horny and curious."

She rubs the upper half of her belly, probably because the baby is kicking her.

"That night I wanted to sleep with _someone_. I don't know, there's probably some Freudian explanation to this that Haley could figure out… Low self-esteem, instant gratification… Maybe I even _wanted_ to sleep with _you_. The point is that I don't regret it. And that's why Lucas and I are in the situation we are today. Because I'm refusing to be sorry about this the way he likes me to be. He wants me to regret my past and I don't."

She looks at him stubbornly, jutting out her chin and crossing her arms over her chest, and he wants to laugh in a way because he knows now why Lucas is so screwed. There never any use fighting stubborn Brooke, because when she sets her mind to it she is determined as hell. He settles for a smile and he turns his hand and intertwines his fingers with hers.

"I'm not saying that I regret it either Brooke. Even though it feels weird to think about it now since you're more like a sister to me. I just regret that it created this much drama… I want you and Lucas to be happy. Plus, you're pregnant. And this puts a lot of stress on you."

She leans her head onto his shoulder and he leans his on top of hers.

"Don't worry so much Nate…" she mumbles. "You have your own problems."

He still holds her hand and he squeezes it gently, suddenly not feeling bad about this at all. Brooke is his friend and nothing has changed.

"Yes I do. And right now you're one of them." With his other hand he pushes her plate closer to her and picks up her fork, loading it with some pasta. "Here, eat your food" he says and lifts it. "Otherwise I'll have to feed you."

--

Lucas never went back to class after that call. Instead he had gone out to his car and started the two and a half hour drive up to Chapel Hill. He of course would have wanted to do this _with_ Brooke, but because of the current situation, that option was more or less impossible. And he wasn't giving up on her as easily as she might think.

So when stepping out of the car again on Robertson Lane he is determined to at least give this an honest shot.

Nr. 5046 is located in an old stone house and he walks up the front steps. In many ways the neighbourhood reminds him of their own little hometown and as he steps into the apartment he instantly feels that it's the right place. It's light and spacey, just the way Brooke likes it, and within their price-range it's a lot better then he has expected it to be.

"Is it okay if I look around a bit?" he asks politely and the real estate woman that has met him by the door just nods and smiles.

"Of course. Just tell me if you need any help or have any questions, I'll be in the kitchen."

"Sure. Thanks"

It seems to be a calm neighbourhood. As he walks through the empty apartment he can hardly even hear the passing cars outside. And from the big window in the living-room he can see a park across the street. Lots of trees and grass and complete with swing-set and monkey bars, even a sandbox from what he can see. It would be so perfect for Emma…

He passes through the rooms slowly, following the tapestry and the windowsills with his fingertip. The smaller bedroom could be turned into a perfect nursery, they would after all live here for some time. That is if they moved at all… if Brooke even wanted to go with him…

Sighing he sits down on the wide windowsill in the bigger bedroom. Brooke should be here with him. After talking with her this morning in school he misses her even more. He's so deep in thought that he doesn't even hear the real estate lady coming into the room and when he finally looks up she's standing right in front of him.

"Jeez!" he says flinching. "You scared me…"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just wanted to see if you had any questions."

She smiles at him warmly and he looks back out the window.

"Yeah… well, I'm just curious… That park, are there any hoops there?"

"Hoops? Uhm… what is that?"

She looks perplexed and he excuses himself, explains that he means basketball-hoops and now she nods.

"Yes I think so. Do you play? I hear the school has a pretty good team. I remember that your girlfriend said something about you two attending UNC when she first called about the apartment…"

He meets her eyes now. Blue like his own.

"Yeah… I used to play but I had to quit. I just thought it could be nice to shoot some hoops on a Sunday once in a while. It's nice with the swings and stuff though… Me and Brooke are having a baby in less than two months so..."

"You are?" the woman says, now smiling broadly. "Then I have to introduce you guys to the couple downstairs. They had a baby last week and they're about your age."

She takes out a couple of papers from her binder and holds them out for him to look at.

"This is the cost-estimate. The rent isn't that high but there is a two rents deposit before hand. I remember Brooke saying something about money not really being an issue but you might want to look it over."

He probably frowns unconsciously and she must see it because she hesitates.

"Or are you still not sure that you want this place? I have a couple of other apartments in the area if you want to look at them. None so close to the school though…"

"No I want it…" he mumbles. "It's just the thing with the paragraph about the bank-credit… Brooke is the one with the loaded bank account and I was hoping to sign this today…"

"Well that's an easy thing to fix. Let's just call Brooke and have her tell me her bank account number. Usually I want a signature from the right person but I'll make an exception since she's too pregnant to take the drive up here."

He blushes. His plans of doing this as a surprise is all lost if the woman calls Brooke. For all he knows Brooke might even tell her they don't want the place, and sitting here in the apartment has made him even more sure. He's going to get Brooke back. No question about it. And when she forgives him they're still going to need a place to live… Preferably this one.

He swallows and looks up at the lady in front of him. She seems nice. Maybe if he's just honest she will understand. She waits for a response and he takes a deep breath.

"Okay… this is how it is…"

----

Brooke on the other hand stays the entire school day. Not because she wants to; just like the last three days she just wants to go home and mope in Rachel's bedroom, pull the covers over her head and pretend like she was someone else. But she stays because Nathan, Haley and Rachel seem to have made a pact on keeping her busy and her mind off Lucas.

They keep her entertained all throughout her afternoon classes and when it's time to head home, Haley asks her to go with her to the hospital and see the boys. And she gladly comes along, seeing that has been a couple of days since she last saw the babies.

As soon as they're settled down in the Neonatal Unit Haley picks up Joshua from his crib and places him on her chest. The still tiny infant yawns and Brooke can't help but to break out in a smile.

"It's almost freaky how much of a perfect mix between you and Nate the boys actually are..." she says in awe. And it's true. Haley's button-like nose and wider mouth, and Nathans dark hair and rocky temper are just some of the things. Probably it will show even more with time.

James starts crying, now left alone in the crib without his brother, and Haley sighs.

"Would you push that?" she asks and points at the call-button for the nurses. "They'll come in and pick him up for me. I don't want to get up now when Josh is finally asleep…"

Brooke pushes herself out of the chair and reaches for the little red knob but then she hesitates.

"Maybe I could hold him?"

Haley nods thankfully. "Would you? He'd love it. Just support his head…"

When asking she had almost expected Haley to say no. She takes a deep breath before she carefully sticks her hands down into the clear plastic crib. She hasn't held any of the boys before, it's just been Haley, Nathan and the nurses since the babies were born so premature. And she suddenly feels nervous. What if she would drop him? Or if he didn't want to be held by her. But the tiny kitten-like cry tears at her heart and she slowly puts one hand behind his neck and one under his little diaper-clad butt.

"I'm picking you up now Jamie…" she whispers, half to the baby and half to herself. "Don't be scared…"

He weighs almost nothing and she carefully carries him back over to the chair. For a moment she contemplates on putting him on her chest like Haley has done with Josh, but realizes that the task of turning him midair seems risky. Instead she settles on just sitting down and holding him in her arms. He kind of rests on her big belly and she giggles at the sight of him nuzzling into her and falling back to sleep.

"Look at you tigger…"

She looks up at the sound of Haley's soft voice and sees her friend smile proudly towards her.

"Am I doing it right?"

"You're doing it perfect. See, he's already sleeping again."

She looks back down at the tiny baby and the tears well up in her eyes. Because seeing the little face looking so content by just being held makes her think about Emma and about how she can picture her being a mixture of herself and Lucas, just like Joshua and James are splitting images of Nathan and Haley.

"You're thinking about Luke, aren't you hun?" Haley says with an even softer voice, and however quietly, Brooke can't help but let out a sob.

"Yeah… I miss him so much. It's all just so hard…"

Haley shakes her head. "No it's not Brooke. He misses you too. Like crazy. You just have to let him explain. I'm not saying that the feeling of being hurt will pass within seconds but you _can_ work it out. I know you can."

She only sighs in response and strokes the fuzzy head of Haley's son, but Haley seems to have gotten tired of this whole mess between her and Lucas because she continues;

"For some reason both of you seem unable to understand that you are supposed to be together. You should just call him and get him to come back here. You need to get this straightened out."

Carefully not to wake up Joshua Haley reaches into Brooke's purse and pulls out her cell phone. She then hands it over and says; "Just call him Brooke. Just get it over with…"

Brooke hesitantly reaches for it but before she can take it, it starts ringing and she pulls her hand back. She wants it to be him, especially after the quick conversation they had in class this morning, but he had just disappeared after that and she feels as though if it isn't him calling now, then she'll be too disappointed.

"You answer it…" she mumbles and shifts James a little to relieve the sudden pain in her lower back. "I don't feel like talking."

Haley sighs but does as she's told, and Brooke focuses back on her thinking as soon as she hears Haley say; "Oh, hi Karen…"

---

It's dark already when Lucas starts the drive back down to Tree Hill. And it's not until half way home that he pulls out his cell phone from the glove compartment and turns it back on.

Instantly it beeps, telling him he has several missed calls. Twenty-two to be exact.

Frowning, he dials the number to his voicemail. Obviously someone really wanted to get in touch with him.

_You have five messages… _

The first one is from his mom. She sounds a little strange but simply asks where he is and if he could possibly call back when he gets the time.

The next one is from Haley, also asking him where he is and telling him it's important that he calls back. The third one being about the same but in this Haley adds; _Brooke's looking for you…_

He almost drives off the road when hearing the last sentence. Brooke _wants_ to talk to him? That's a change. The last couple of days she's wanted anything but. And then he hears the fourth message;

_Seriously Lucas, where the hell are you.__ Both Haley and I have called you for hours. I'm leaving for the hospital now. Call me! Or just get there…_

Brooke. And it hits him. Something is wrong with the baby. Brooke has six weeks left before she's expected to give birth but for some reason she has must have gone into labor, and now he's missing out on the birth of his child.

Pushing the gas-pedal down into the floor he disconnects the call to his voice-mail, cutting the fifth message off before it even starts. Then he calls Brooke's cell on speed-dial. The signals pass but she doesn't pick up.

"Fuck…" he mumbles and slows down for a bit while a police car passes him in the inner lane. What if something happened to Brooke before he had time to get to the hospital? She's still angry at him and just as the other night, when she left and he couldn't find her, he's scared shitless that he's not going to get the chance to make all this right again.

He re-dials but still no answer so he calls Haley instead. Nathan picks up on the third signal.

"Hey Luke. What's up?"

He has no idea why his brother is answering on Haley's phone but he sounds out of breath.

"Nathan? Where's Hales? Is she with Brooke?"

"Brooke? I have no idea man. I just came out of the shower. Haley forgot her phone at home. I think she's at the hospital with the twins… What's wrong? You sound a little stressed out…"

He sighs and gas-pedal down harder again now that the police-car is out of sight. Haley never forgot her phone and it's just typical that she's done it today.

"Brooke has gone into labor" he answers and turns left up on the highway. "And I can't reach her. I need to know if she's alright."

His voice is shaking a little and Nathan swears.

"What?! Oh hell, not more premature babies… Where are you?"

"I'm on Route 65 going south, probably still twenty minutes from Tree Hill Memorial."

"What, On H65? Where have you been? Never mind, I just have to grab some clothes but I'll meet you there, okay? And don't drive like a crazy person Luke. You getting killed won't help Brooke at all…"

He knows that Nathan is right. Still he pushes the car to go faster, already driving 80 miles over the speed-limit.

"Just meet me there…" he mumbles, trying to concentrate on the driving. "And call me if you hear anything."

_---_

Fifteen minutes later he runs down the halls of Memorial Hospital. He knows where the maternal-unit is now after visiting Haley and he doesn't even stop in the reception area. Instead he runs down the hall to find the right room on his own and then suddenly he hears something that makes him halt. The sound of Brooke's laughter comes out of one of the rooms on the left side, followed by the sound of a little baby crying, and his heart drops and flies at the same time.

Brooke and the baby are both alright… but he has missed Emma's birth.

He stands still for a couple of seconds, trying to collect himself enough to take the step through the door and he hears the low sound of his mothers voice. Thank god, at least she had been with Brooke through this. But at the same time he knows that if Brooke was angry before, then now she might _never_ forgive him. Not since he has promised her over and over during the last weeks that he would be with her every second of the delivery.

He finally pushes the door open and steps inside. But the sight that meets him is definitely not the one he has expected.

"Oh, thank god…" he mumbles and keeps staring at Brooke.

And then his mother waves at him from the bed and happily says;

"Luke! You came! Come over here and meet your little brother."

---

_I hang up, you call…  
We rise and we fall…  
And we feel like just walking away  
As our love advances  
We take second chances  
Though it's not a fantasy  
I still want you to stay_

Brooke watches as Lucas just stands in the doorway, looking completely frozen. He keeps starting at her with a face of pure relief and when he finally turns and looks at his mother he seems to do it against his will, as if taking his eyes of her is actually painful.

He behaviour can't be explained in any other way than plain… strange…

"Come here hun" Karen ushers again, but Lucas looks back at her instead and slowly takes the few steps over to the chair in which she's sitting.

"Brooke…" he mumbles and his hands cup her face gently. "Thank god you're alright…"

Then his hands fall down to touch her belly instead, and she feels confused. Of course she is. Why wouldn't she be? Yeah, she's a little pissed off that he didn't answer when whe called him earlier, mainly because she had been really stressed about the fact that she and Haley had been the ones that had to get his mother to the hospital, but Karen should be his main priority, right? She had after all just given birth to his little brother,

She looks at the little baby on Karen's arm and after a couple of seconds his gaze follows hers. And then he stands back up and walks over to his mom, silently saying; "Sorry mom, I really wanted to be here for this…"

Karen just smiles and reaches up to stroke his cheek and Brooke's heart aches. _She_ wants to do that. But for some reason she can't. This whole 'distance' between them had just kind of gone too far.

She watches him and Karen interact around the newborn baby-boy and sits silent while Lucas holds him proudly. Then it finally gets too much for her and she decides to take a walk down to the cafeteria to grab some coffee. Lucas and Karen needs the time alone and it seems as if as long as she's in the room he can't concentrate.

But as she starts to get out of the chair he looks over at her.

"Brooke, can I talk to you for a second?" he says and she meets his eyes, feeling hesitant. And he adds; "Not to fight… just talk… please?"

She sighs but agrees. "Sure… lets go out into the corridor."

He follows her silently. She can feel his eyes piercing into the back of her head, and she can sense how nervous he is. The expression on his face when he came rushing into the hospital room earlier had been one of pure guilt and at first she didn't understand why. He shouldn't feel guilty towards her, if anything he should feel guilty for not being there for his mom. But then when they've gotten on a safe distance from his mothers room he hugs her awkwardly and whispers;

"I was so scared Brooke. I thought you had gone to the hospital… I thought that you went into labor, not my mom, and I wasn't there for you…"

And she finally understands.

He looks totally devastated and she feels for him, she does… But there has been enough 'talking' between them lately to last a lifetime and she's tired. Drained.

"Lucas…" she starts but he shakes his head.

"No Brooke, listen to me… I've done something today. Something for you and me and Emma, and I want you to have this…"

He stretches out his hand and opens it, palm up. And in the middle of it is a key.

"What's that?" She says, unable to not feel curious. "What did you do?"

He clears his throat and she notices that his earlobes are getting red, as always when he's nervous.

"It's for our home Brooke. The place you wanted. The two bedroom apartment by the park…"

His face is covered with tense expectation and she wants so bad to reach out and take his gift, but she's still afraid.

"You got us the place on Robertson Lane?" she asks silently and he nods with a faint smile.

"Why? I don't understand…"

"Well, we're going to college in three months and we need a place t o stay in…"

The effort of keeping his tone light and cheery is see-through and she wishes that she could just open his head and look into his brain. That she could read his mind and know what he's really thinking.

The key is still in his open palm and she watches it for moment before she finally averts her eyes and takes a step backwards.

"I don't know Lucas… I'll think about it…"

His smile falls and she hates herself for doing it but she still takes another step away from him.

"Say goodbye to you mom from me" she offers and pretends that she doesn't see his hurt body-language. "I'll see you at the doctor's tomorrow morning…"

And then she turns and walks off, tears burning in her eyes.

A home with Lucas, a _real_ home, is all she's ever wanted. But with her background she could never take that key if she doesn't know he's sure. And as she walks over the parkinglot, back to her car, she keeps hearing Lucas words in her head. Words from their first pregnancy-scare;

"_I just figured that I'd be older, financially stable… and in love."_

She's gotten over the 'being too young'-part, and the financial thing doesn't matter to her at all. But she needs him to be sure about the 'being in love'-part.

Otherwise she can't do this.

_I know I misbehaved,  
And you made your mistakes,  
And we both still got room left to grow...  
And though love sometimes hurts,  
I still put you first,  
And we'll make this thing work,  
But I think we should take it slow_

---

The next morning Lucas is up even before the alarm-clock goes off and he makes it to the doctor's office half an hour early. He hasn't really slept, thoughts of Brooke raging his mind. However heartbroken he had been when she just left the night before, it also worried him that she seemed so distant. And he can't help to feel that on top of it all, she isn't feeling well physically.

The fact that she didn't take the key he had offered her is also eating away at him, but it doesn't change the fact that he's never giving up on her. If they had gotten this far they would eventually make it even further. He has to believe that in order to get out of bed in the morning.

The waiting-room is already filled with people and he tries to read a couple of pages in his book but he can't seem to concentrate. He's the only guy sitting by himself and people are looking at him strangely. On top of that he can't stop looking over at the door.

And then she suddenly walks in, with just two minutes to spare. He instantly gets to his feet and walks over to her and her eyes keep away from his as she silently mouths a "Hi…"

Before he has the chance to answer, the nurse calls her name and she starts to walk towards the back-room. He follows her, unable to not put a protective hand at the small of her back, and as they enter the office she looks up at him.

And in a way it looks as if she want's to say 'I'm sorry'.

-

Brooke sits on the examining-bed and tries to look as if she's listening to the doctor. But she's not. Instead she's watching Lucas.

He looks tired, like he hasn't slept for days. His blond hair is messy and starting to get a little too long again and his forehead is wrinkled.

'Always brooding…' she thinks and half-smiles sadly. 'And always looking so damn good doing it too.'

The doctor smalltalks politely and she answers when it's requested but the atmosphere in the room is a lot more tense than usual. And when the doctor steps outside for a couple of minutes to drop her bloodwork off at the lab she glances at Lucas again through the corner of her eye.

"Are you alright?" he asks silently and she nods. But in truth she's not. Just being near him hurts like hell.

"And you eating and sleeping enough?"

She sighs and looks away again. Him being his usual caring self just makes it all worse. But then she sits up straight and tries her hardest to keep her facial expression emotionless, not wanting him to see that she's lying when she answers; "Sure…"

His eyes instantly turn sad.

"No you're not Brooke…" He reaches for her hand and she lets him take it. "Does Rachel keep late night snacks for you if you wake up in the middle of the night? Does she know that you need an extra pillow to prop up you legs with?"

She swallows but keeps her stoic pose. No, Rachel didn't know these things, and not that her redheaded friend wasn't taking care of her, but just these four days had made her very aware of all the daily little things that Lucas used to do for her. She hadn't really realized it before.

"I already told you" she gets out, "I'm fine…"

The doctor steps back in and he looks at them as if he can tell that they're not the same as usual. He blinks a couple of times behind his thick glasses and clears his throat.

"Uhm… miss Davis… I'm sorry it's taking so long. Your iron-levels are way too low and lab is trying to figure out why. In the meantime I need to see another patient real quick… Would you mind waiting just a little bit longer?"

She fakes her usual dimpled smile and shakes her head. "No problem. We're not in a hurry."

He disappears again and they're back to the tense silence. At least until she feels Lucas hand carefully touching her arm.

"Brooke… talk to me, please…"

This time she can't bare to look away. His voice is too pleading and she looks up and meets his sad baby-blue eyes.

"What do you want me to say Luke? I'm tired and I really don't want to fight. Honestly I just want to get this sonogram over with and then go home and sleep…"

"Home? You mean…"

His voice is suddenly hopeful but she shakes her head.

"No, I meant to Rachel's house."

"Why?"

She sighs. "Because we're still not okay Lucas. You're angry and I'm disappointed and…"

Now he is the one vigorously shaking his head.

"I'm _not_ angry Brooke. I was wrong, I've realized that now. And I wanna explain."

"What's there to explain? You think that I'm still a slut, I already got that part. There's no need to tell me again. What's the reason for talking about this anyway? We'll just end up fighting…"

She hears how bitter she sounds but she can't help it. She hadn't slept more than four hours last night since Emma kept kicking her ribcage from the inside and Lucas hadn't been there to calm the baby with his voice. Her mind had been going over the events of last night over and over and she couldn't stop thinking about what he had done. Getting them that apartment had been the biggest thing he had ever done for her, and it proved that he wanted to be with her, didn't it? But then again, what would happen the next time something from her past popped up? Then he would probably just freak out again, and she is way too tired for that.

But her blond brooding boyfriend just keeps staring back at her stubbornly.

"The reason? God… You seriously don't understand how much I love you, do you?" he says with a low and calm voice that sends shivers down her spine.

"I thought I did…"

"No, listen Brooke."

He puts a finger under her chin, pushing it up softly so that she has to look at him. "I love you more than life itself, okay? You just shouldn't have left me in the dark about this Brooke… people get hurt in the dark…"

Hearing him ramble, she just sighs heavily. Tiredly.

"For once Luke, could you just shut up and listen to me?"

"No! And here's another reason that you might never understand: You need me…"

He looks at her with pain in his eyes and reaches out to touch her cheek before adding in a whisper; "…but _I_ need _you _more…"

She looks away. His blue eyes are too intense and her resistance is too low for her to be able to meet them and not crumble in front of him. She doesn't want to do this here. If anything, she doesn't want to do this at all because every time she's close to him she's reminded of how incomplete she feels when she's not.

"Baby…" he almost whispers, "Can't you at least look at me?"

The lump of sadness that has camped out in her chest for days grows bigger and she swallows and keeps staring out the window. Why couldn't he just give up and let her be?

For several minutes they just sit there in silence. She can feel his eyes on her face even though she's not meeting his gaze and she grows so accustomed to the silence that she flinches when he finally speaks.

"Someone once told me that people who are meant to be together always find their way in the end…"

"Lucas I can't…"

"The same wise person told me that true love _is_ hard… It's not this fairytale-life that never knows pain. It's when two souls face the pain together… and diminish it with unconditional love. You said it yourself Brooke. Remember? At Nathan's and Haley's wedding…"

"I remember…" she sighs. How can I not? But unconditional love means that you love someone no matter what, Luke. It means that my past shouldn't mean anything to you… And what you said to me in that fight was not just spur of the moment things. They had meaning to you. You meant what you said and its okay for you to feel like that. It's just that I can't love you the way I do and have you look at me like that… it hurts to much…"

His bottom lip is trembling and she wants to reach out and line it with her thumb. To make it stop. Because he seems so close to tears and she knows that if he starts then he'll bring her over the edge too, and then she'll never stop crying.

"Maybe I did mean it, _then_. Maybe I was immature and stupid and honestly didn't understand that I freaking need you in order to live Brooke. But I need you to let me take those things _back_. Because I can't function without you. Can't sleep or breathe or feel…"

Small teardrops stick to his eyelashes like dewdrops on grass in the early morning. And when she silently shakes her head, the first one falls. In slow-motion she watches as it slides down his cheek, changing its path as it meets the stubble on his jaw.

"Please, Brooke…"

He looks as if he's going to break down any second and she wants nothing more than to wrap her arms around him and hold him. Comfort him like he had comforted her so many times in the past. But she just needs to close her eyes to remember the way he looked at her the other night.

"You can't just take something like that back Luke…"

"Why?"

"Because you just can't. Maybe if this had been the first time…"

He looks back at her confused, probably because he doesn't remember. But she does. She remembers exactly how hurt she had been the last time he came right out and called her a slut. And just like the other night, when he told her that he wasn't sure if she had ever changed, his mocking voice from junior year can now be heard clearly inside her head;

"_By the way… it's not like I'm the only guy you ever slept with!"_

They had been alone out on the schoolyard and she remembers clutching her cell phone in her hand, still waiting for the planned parenthood-clinic to call back. He seemed angry at her, probably because he was just as shaken by it all as she was, but being sixteen she could only focus on her own anger at him for cheating, and on the fear of being pregnant. He squinted, leaned forward as if testing her, and she hissed back;

"_What's your point?"_

"_How do I even know it's mine?"_

She watches him now and the difference between how he looked at her then and how he looks at her now is huge. Then he had almost seemed disgusted. Now his eyes are still brimming with tears and she almost hesitates before twisting the imaginary knife.

"Pregnancies, even scares, seem to bring out the honesty in you…" she says silently. "Maybe you want a paternity-test just like my dad? I mean, with me being so slutty, how would you even know it's _yours_?"

She uses his own words and his eyes grow wider.

"No Brooke… don't do that… that was a long time ago…"

"Yeah" she whispers. "It was… but isn't that the point? Things never change, right?"

Then she pushes herself of the chair and starts to walk away from him, thinking that she doesn't care about the tests or the sonogram, she just wants to go down to the Neonatal ward were she knows Haley will comfort her. Maybe even down to Karen. But he's right behind her, pulling her arm, carefully but still enough that she has to turn back around to face him.

"Don't walk away Brooke, please. Yell at me, hit me… Do anything! Just don't walk away… When you did that last night you _broke_ my heart."

His voice cracks and she lets out a shaky breath. He looks like a lost little boy; lonely, scared, sad.

"Then explain to me…" she ushers with a trembling bottom lip. "Explain…"

Her voice is breaking too and she takes a step towards him, feeling hot salty tears start to fall down her cheeks. He pulls her to him and holds her, lets her cry against the soft material of his worn t-shirt, and when he finally talks it's not much louder than in a whisper.

"I never meant to hurt you, pretty girl… and before you say anything; I know that it hurts the same anyway. I'm just so scared…"

"Of what? Of me? The baby?"

He sighs deeply, making his chest rise and fall against her own.

"No… Of not being able to handle this. Of being a bad father, of not being enough for _you_…"

He really _sounds_ scared, and in the middle of it all she just wants to kiss him and make all this go away. And even though he's shaking it feels so good to have his arms around her.

"Is that what this is all about?" she whispers. "Do you think that I will leave you for someone else? For Nathan? How could you ever not be enough for me Luke? You're the only solid thing in my life. Why do you think this is so hard for me, huh?"

He remains silent, watching her with big blue eyes, and the look in them is begging. She blinks and the tears come pouring out again powered by all the tiredness and frustration she's kept inside the last few days.

"This is so damn hard because I _love_ you, you dumbass!" she cries. "Because you're my rock, and when you say stuff like the things you told me that night, _my_ heart breaks! And my heart was already _broken_ by you!"

"I'm sorry Brooke… You have to believe me…"

She cries and cries against his chest and he hushes her softly, slowly running his hand up and down her back. And she knows that deep inside she does. She believes that he's sorrier than he's ever been.

He kisses the top of her head, over and over whispering; "I love you so much…" And as the sobs slowly dies out and her breathing starts going back to normal she pulls back a little to look at him. His beautiful face is wet with tears and she can't do this to him anymore. She can't keep torturing either herself or him this way.

"Give it to me again…" she whispers, and he looks confused.

"Give me the key Lucas."

He lets go of her and retrieves the small key from his back pocket, and she takes it out of his open hand and puts into the pocket of her own jeans. His face visibly relaxes and before she kisses him she wipes her face with her sleeve and says;

"Don't ever do this to me again…"

_This ain't a movie, no  
No fairytale conclusion y'all  
It gets more confusing every day  
Sometimes it's Heaven sent  
Then we head back to Hell again..  
We kiss, then we make up on the way._

---

* * *

**Author's note**: BL on the mend :D

As always all the reviews from you guys make me feel like the happiest person alive, and every time one lands in my inbox it just makes me want to spit out updates for you all.

Right now I'm gonna go work on finishing up the next chapter.

Love /Lynn


	33. I'm Lost Without You

Author's note: It's been a while again, hasn't it? Gosh, i'm so sorry. But i guess a lot of you guys are aware that i've been knee-deep in WDYHGM... Don't despair though, I'm not giving up on this fic ;) It's my baby and i just needed to gather up some inspiration before starting to write the last five or so chapters. Thank you's at the end (as i guess you know by now) and the title and lyrics for this chapter is from a song by Robin Thicke. It's not the usual OTH-sound but its just lovely... just like BL...

-

* * *

CHAPTER 33 – I'm Lost Without You 

I'm lost without you  
Can't help myself  
How does it feel?

-

Eleven o'clock, bright sunny skies outside and Brooke walking next to him in the school corridor. Just five weeks until he'll officially be a father and a mere nine days until high school graduation.

Life should be perfect again, right? He should feel one hundred percent content and a wide smile should be covering his face. So why isn't he all happy?

It could be because his pregnant girlfriend isn't back to smiling like she usually does, even though they seemed to have solved their diffrences this morning at the doctors office and she had accepted the key. And it could be because he knows that although she's accepted his apologies she's still distant and on guard.

It could also be because he's so desperately craving to kiss her and to intertwine his fingers with hers as they walk towards their lockers, but so far she's been pulling away. She does it in an almost unnoticable manner, probably so that he won't feel hurt, but he knows her and it's obvious to him;

She doesn't want him to touch her.

As they walk into their History-class he sighs inwardly and holds himself from touching the small of her back. He's used to the distance with her since the last few days had meant no physical contact at all, but after this morning he had thought that they were good, or at least on their way there.

And the wierd part is that she doesn't act angry or even sad. She just stays on a slight distance from him, as if she is shy.

"You'll sit with me, right?" he asks her and pulls out the chair next to the one he's picked for himself. And when she nods and sits he feels stupid for even asking. They always sit together when they're in the same class.

They pull out their books and he glances at her as the teacher starts taking the attendance. Her hair is up in a ponytail and she's not wearing much make-up. She bites her plump bottom lip and rests her chin in her hand.

"Brooke..." he whispers just to get her to look at him, and he instantly earns a "Shhh" from the teachers desk.

She turns towards him and smiles, but it still not the wide dimpled smile he craves.

"You okay?"

She nods and he believes her. She doesn't seem to be too tired or in pain or anything like that. But then Marcus, a guy from the team, leans in from the desk on her other side.

"I hear you're a lucky guy Luke... We always knew Brooke was a wildcat, but a pornstar? Good for you man."

He frowns and is just about to scold the idiot when Brooke puts a hand on his thigh.

"Don't..."

She keeps staring at the talking teacher, seemingly unfazed by Marcus' comment but he knows she isn't. A slight red blush covers her cheeks and her jawline is set.

"What Brooke?" Marcus whispers and smiles. "I don't mean any harm... You like Lucas, right? I bet you really 'treat' him good."

Her chin raises another couple of centimeters and she still ignores his team-mate. And he wants to lean over and shut Marcus up with his fist, but her small hand still stops him. Ususally this would be when Brooke decided that enough was enough and retorted with something that would make the guy run home crying to his mother, but strangely enough she doesn't today.

She just keeps staring at the white-board and Lucas can't help but to feel disappointed.

Why didn't she stand up for herself, and why couldn't she let him?

-

After class she's even more quiet and he's starting to feel a little helpless. So when they stop at their lockers to put their books away before heading to lunch, he pulls her to him. She lets him and she doesn't pull away when he wraps his arms around her waist. Neither does she pull back when he leans his forehead to hers and rubs the tip of her nose with his.

"I love you..." he says softly and she smiles, but when he reaches for her lips in attempt to kiss away the last remaints of distance, she again does that thing where she backs up the slightest. It's as if she's hesatating and she looks around at the students in the crowded corridor, and since it's the third time it happens, he frowns. Something still isn't right.

"Brooke, look at me."

She does and he cups her cheek in his hand.

"Why are you pulling away? I feel like you're shutting me out…"

She forces a smile, but to him it's nowhere near real. No dimples, no twinkling eyes… not the real Brooke.

"It's just weird…" she mumbles. "I can't explain it."

He should be annoyed. But he's not. The last couple of days have been full of conflicts, crying and pain and he understands that she's still feeling a little shook up, but he wants her to feel safe.

"Try…" he pleads and twirls a lock of her hair around his finger. "Please?"

She hesitates, he can see that in her eyes. The hallway around them is crowded with students running back and forth from homeroom to the cafeteria. And sure, they're in a pretty secluded corner, but the loud talking and laughing and slamming in locker-doors seems to distract her. So when she doesn't answer him he takes her hand in his and pulls her with him into the nearest classroom.

In there he tries again. Ushers her to tell him what's on her mind and she leans against the wall and watches him as she says;

"I don't know how to act…"

"Act? When?"

She bites her bottom lip. Her hair falls into her eyes in an adorable way and he gently fastens the loose strands behind her ear.

"When I'm with you… I used to know, but now I don't. It feels like people look at me funny. Like _you_ look at me different…"

The comment stings in his heart and he seeks out her eyes, telling her to just be honest. And she continues; "It's like, I used to be all flirty and cheeky around you, but I'm… I don't know, I'm just not that attractive right now looking like this… and I don't want to throw myself at you since…"

She falls silent again and he frowns.

"Since what?"

But she just keeps looking down into the floor and then, when he realizes, he feels like a jerk. "Since I told you that you acted like a slut?"

The nod he receives from her is hardly noticeable and he sighs deeply.

"I was an idiot Brooke. You have to forget all the things I said. There was nothing wrong with what you did."

She offers him a small smile, and it's a lot shyer than her usual ones.

"It's not just that… after these days apart, it just feels like you don't_want_ me now. You're used to an athletic cheerleader, not a freaking whale. Plus, I'm not really sure how _you_ want me to act. When I'm myself you keep getting comments like the one from Marcus…"

"Oh Brooke…"

He cups her face again and leans his forehead against hers, letting out a deep sigh. "I always want you… every minute of every day. And I don't care what people say or think."

This time when he kisses her she doesn't pull away and he gently grazes her tongue with his. Softly searching every crease of her mouth. He's missed this so much that his knees go weak just by the taste of her. And then, with her wonderfully raspy voice she whispers;

"Then maybe we need some time alone…"

"You want to get out of here?" he answers, still with his lips against hers, and she nods. There's a tiny twinkle in her eyes and he suddenly recognizes his girlfriend.

He kisses her again. This time with more passion and he can feel her smile. "Where do you wanna go?"

"Home."

-

Almost two hours later they're still in Brooke's car. He's driving and she hums to a song on the car-stereo. She had seemed confused at first, when he didn't take the usual road towards his mom's house, but when he went up on Route 76 westbound, she just smiled and leaned back in the seat.

After a short stop at a foodstore he's now driving in onto the smaller streets of Raleigh, just turning right onto Dawson Street before taking a left on Robertson Lane, and Brooke sits up a little straighter.

"That's the house, right?

He chuckles. There is no way in hell she can know this, but of course she's right.

"It is. The third on the left."

She excitedly claps her hands and makes that squealing noise that always has him laughing. And when he parks at the side of the road, she's almost bouncing up and down.

"Take it easy baby" he warns her with a smile, as he helps her out of the car. "I don't want you to go into premature labor."

But of course she doesn't listen. She skips off towards the building and he quickens his step to keep up with her, remembering that she's the one with the keys.

They take the elevator and she bounces up and down the entire ride, but outside the front door she hesitates and he leans in and kisses the soft skin on her neck, right below her pony-tail.

"I'm nervous…" she whispers, and he takes the key out of her hand and puts it into the lock while whispering; "Don't be."

With one arm wrapped around her, palm on her round belly, he pushes the door open and she is completely quiet. He even has to give her a little nudge to walk inside. And suddenly he is the one feeling nervous. What if she decided she didn't like the place? She had after all just seen pictures of it…

-

His hand on the small of her back is urging her to move forward, and after taking a deep breath she does. She has moved a lot in her life, travelling the world with her parents when she was a child, but apart from living at her boyfriend's mother's house, nothing has ever felt like home. That is why this is making her so nervous. Because this apartment might become the first place that would actually be hers.

Hers and Lucas'. And Emma's.

His palm is still resting on the side of her belly and the baby inside happily kicks against her father's hand. It makes her smile when it happens because it's as if the baby knows that it is Lucas touching her.

"Go inside Brooke…" he whispers. "It won't bite you."

And finally she does. For every step she makes mental notes how they could decorate this place, and it's just as she has imagined it. Big windows, broad windowsills to sit on and watch the rain, beautiful wodden floors… in short, perfect.

She knows that Lucas has been worrying that she'd think that it is too 'simple' or too small, simply because of the house she grew up in. But honestly it's the opposite.

Big empty houses with dark expensive furniture scares her. There was never any 'love' in the rooms of her old home, and even though she had been sad when her parents sold the place, it had more been because she had been so worried that she would have to move away from Lucas and her friends.

But this place is far from scary and she tip-toes into the livingroom. Looking around with big eyes.

"I adore it Lucas…" she almost whispers.

He's right behind her and she turns and looks at him. He's beaming proudly, smile stretched all over his face and she reaches up and kisses him. He cups her face and his hands are warm and strong. Safe.

"Go look at the other rooms."

She does. Looks at the bathroom with the big tub, perfect for her and Lucas on cold nights. Looks at the kitchen where she might finally learn how to cook, and then the room that will be turned into a nursery.

Then she peeks into the master bedroom and she can feel herself breaking into a smile.

"There's a bed in here Luke…"

He's still behind her and he kisses her neck softly again, making her shiver.

"Yeah?"

His arms wrap around her and she tilts her head slightly to the side, giving him better access to her skin. She can feel his breath behind her ear and she breathes in as he licks her earlobe. His hands travel up her belly and graze the sides of her breasts. She leans into his touch and maybe it's the whole situation, but she finds it extremely erotic to stand on the threshold to their bedroom with him touching her like this.

And when he whispers "I love your body when you're pregnant…" she actually believes him. She turns her head and his mouth finds hers, kissing it in a rushed way as if he's been craving her the entire day. And as he pulls her closer to him she thinks that she's never really been worried about her body, always confident about it because it was the one thing she'd always been praised for. But it had been different lately. This pregnancy had made it all different.

For months she had carried her 'bump' with immense pride, not at all concerned about its growing basketball-shape. She hadn't gained much weight and it had been enough to see the look in his eyes to know that he still craved her.

Now she had started to retain water, making her face and body slightly 'puffy' and she hasn't been sure what to make of it. With the last days of fighting she has even felt a bit shy. For the first time ever with Lucas she's even felt like covering up.

But all of a sudden all her insecurities disappear. And it might have something to do with his wonderful hands and lips on her, teasing away her newfound shyness. He eases her t-shirt off slowly before taking off his own and she leans against the doorframe. Just watching him watch her.

_Baby you're the perfect shape,  
baby you're the perfect weight.  
Treat me like it is my birthday  
I want it this way, I want it that way, I want it…  
Tell me you don't want me to stop  
Tell me it would break your heart…_

She looks like a million bucks. Eight months pregnant she looks like a perfect sunset after a rainy day or a tasty ice cream sundae when you're starved. Her lips are like velvet when he leans in and kisses her again and he just can't get enough of her. Never could and never will.

"I want you" he lets out, and her eyes glisten in that 'come hither'-way that drives him crazy. "I just want to…"

She interrupts him with new kisses, her mouth tasting like cherry-chewing gum. Her hands unbuckle the belt in his jeans and then start working on the buttons while he reaches around her back and unclasps her bra.

Her rounded belly rubs against his muscled one when they kiss, and pushing her softly backwards, he leads her over to the bed. She's wearing a skirt, and when it drops to the floor, and she stands before him in nothing more than her underwear, he just sighs in awe. How could she ever think that he didn't find her attractive? Even when he was his angriest he could have told her that she was the most beautiful girl on the planet.

"You're perfect."

_Tell me how you love me more  
And how you think I'm sexy baby  
That you don't want nobody else  
You don't want this guy, you don't want that guy, you wanna  
touch yourself when you see me  
Tell me how you love my body  
And how I make u feel baby…_

"No_you_'re perfect…" she whispers and pulls him with her down on the bed. "And I love you."

He rests on his hands, hovering above her when she lays down on her back, and he starts trailing kisses down her naked chest and belly.

They're in their own apartment, he's touching her as if he never wants to stop, and when she moans, it's both from pleasure and from pure happiness. She doesn't want to be anywhere else than here at exactly this moment. Impatiently she pushes his jeans down and he watches her closely as she tries to get them off him completely. Watching her as if he's trying to make sure.

"Are you sure you want this? We don't need to rush things…"

He looks a little concerned but the huskiness in his voice gives him away, telling her that he wants this just as much as she does. And she laughs.

"Are you seriously asking me that?"

Her voice turns into a raspy whisper as she leans up and nibbles his ear. "I'm trying to undress you here… just shut up and help me out a little…"

And with that he leans down and closes the gap between her lips and his. And her eyes close as his hand travel south.

"No,_you_ shut up" he murmurs. "Shut up and enjoy…"

-

An hour later Brooke tip-toes out of the bed and out into the kitchen. Of course all the cupboards are empty and there are no cups or plates but she drinks some water right out of the faucet. Emma is kicking her fiercely, as if telling her that foodtime should have been hours ago, and she rubs the spot just below her ribcage.

"You hungry?"

His voice comes from the doorway and she turns towards him and smiles.

"Like a wolf."

He laughs and pulls his t-shirt on.

"I have stuff in the car. Just hang on."

While she waits she takes another stroll around the place and she notices the view over the perfect little park across the street. And just as he walks back in, she almost trips over something in the living room corner.

"A bed and a… lava-lamp?" She laughs. "Well I guess we're all set then. What else could we possibly need?"

-

On the way back he calls his mother at the hopital to check in with her and the baby, and he sounds so content that she's afraind that Karen will figure out what they have done with their first day of the last week of school.

"We're on our way home" he muses. "Yes 'we', Brooke is in the car with me."

She strokes his thigh lazily and he looks over and gives her a look that screams 'I just want to be home and in bed with you all over again', which in turn makes her smile and wonder how she could ever have doubted that he wanted her. The boy was completely incorrigeble.

"What? No mom, we're just gonna go home and rest... Yeah, Brooke needs to lie down a bit. It's been a busy schoolday."

He raises his eyebrow sugestively at her and, stiffling a giggle, she leans in and kisses a trail up his neck towards his ear. His voice becomes slightly strained as he continous; "That's great... well, just call me in the morning and i'll pick you up from the hospital. Sure... Take care, mom."

"Have I ever told you that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me?" she says when he has hung up and she can hear that her voice is starting to sound sleepy.

His lips curl into a beautilful smile, warm but at the same time serious.

"No, i don't think you have..."

"Well, it's true."

Its dark outside now and the lights from the cars on the highway create a chain of red and white luminating spots, almost like a neclace. She leans her head against his shoulder and Lucas puts his free hand around her.

"That's a good thing baby" he says softly. "Because without you i'm totally lost."

----

It's nine o'clock in the morning, the sky is bright and sunny and Brooke is walking next to him up the steps and into school. It's just four weeks until he'll officially be a father and a mere eight days until their high school graduation.

Life should be perfect again, right? He should feel one hundred percent content. And he does. In fact he couldn't be happier. A wide smile is covering his face as he leans over and kisses his girlfriend's temple and she willingly turns and captures his lips in a searing kiss.

"Emma's happy..." she says and giggles. "Feel."

He puts a hand on her rounded belly and laughs as the tiny foot kicks his palm from the inside.

"Cheerleader much?" he says and quirks an eyebrow at Brooke's smiling face.

"Of course Broody. She's practising that high kick twenty-four seven. Haven't you noticed?"

She intertwines her fingers with his and he's proud to walk to class with her. Proud to see her show off her long tanned legs and that great butt in the little skirt. Happy that she looks happy and completely content with the notion that she's his and only his.

And when he drops her off at her Biology-class, he tongue-kisses her right infront of Mr Randall, the grumpiest teacher known to mankind, and Brooke laughs so hard at the expression on the old man's face that she almost receives detention.

When he then continous to his own two hours of Spanish, he walks past 'The Wall of Great Achievments' and he sees his girlfriend's picture.

Brooke Davis. Class of 2007. For her innovative designs for Clothes over Bro's and her success as a cheerleader-captain of the Ravens Cheer-squad.

He beams with pride of course. And he agrees. But he wishes that he could add on to that statement. Because her greatest achievement this year is a lot bigger than that. Brooke Davis, class of 2007, has grown up.

_I'm lost without you  
Can't help myself  
How does it feel  
to know that I love ya baby?_

-----

* * *

**Author's note:** Wasn't that just the cheesiest cheese in the world? LOL. I just thought that we all deserved some cuteness after the last couple of angsty chapters. 

We're nearing the end of this story, about 5 or 6 chapters left. So all of you that has started to tire of this never ending story, don't worry, we're getting close ;)

**Thank You's;**

Cassandra my love; Like always you're my rock. Without you, this story wouldn't be half of what it is. I mean it.

Cami, darling; What can I say? The day you stop reviewing I'll stop writing. You're a star.

Vicky,Chelsea,Carla,Eleana,Loes,Ebony andJanie; You girls and your wonderful reviews have me gigling with happiness everytime. It's always nice to know that my BL-girls are still here and reading. And Cheyenne! LOL Thanks for not going crazy over my constant whining about not getting it together.

Natalie (iluvmedou); Did I leave you hanging too long or are you still here? I'm thrilled that you said that the last chapter felt honest. It was exactly what I hoped for. Thanks!

Rena; Thank you for your sweet review. Were they happy enough for you? LOL

Eemah, hunnie; I'm glad you haven't found this story boring yet. How about this chapter?

Lexie (lexie90); I'll trade a brilliant chapter for a brilliant review from you any day. Thanks ;)

Sam (Studiousgirl101); You are the sweetest! I'm happy you liked the key-thing, I was worried it was corny. I'm sorry I couldn't update ASAP but I hope I'll get the next one up sooner.

Erika (Hellishlygood); So of course I'm LOVING this review. Not only because it's supersweet, but also because it's from a fellow CI-lover:) KS is my secret passion and in my drawer there is a fic for CI that I haven't had the guts to post yet. Maybe if you promise to review it, I will… LOL

I've started reading your stories today and I guess you received some reviews already that tell you I love them. Thanks for giving me KS. Us CI-fans are a dying breed.

Whiters; LOL you know, me and another reader of this story used to wonder what to call them too. We never came up with a really good one so we settled for RL but when ever there was a Brooke/Lucas/Rachel-scene we used to call them 'Brucasel'. How about that?

Crazybrunette113; Welcome back hun! Thanks for that sweet review.

BroodyxoCheery; I'm glad you like it! ;) And I know that it takes forever for the baby to come, but it's getting close now.

Tripnfallbri; I'm sorry I broke your heart hun :hug: And I'm glad I could mend it LOL. I hope you feel better after this love-fest.

Brucas333; Love you right back:)

Brucas2006; Lucas is just dense isn't he? LOL But worried Lucas is so cute. Karen's baby is called Keith, I'm not sure it was pointed out in this chapter. And thanks for your awesome review.

Sassha; LOL, I'm trying. I just keep getting caught in other stories lately.

WhiteRose0925; Welcome to the story. And thanks for your kind words. I don't know about the sex-crazed part though… ;)

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	34. Fly Away From Here Graduation Day

**Author's note: **No throwing tomatoes you guys… LOL. I know I'm a little late on updating this, but I'm doing it now, right? I hope you like this chapter. Title and lyrics is from the song by the same name, performed by a group called Dropline. (thanks for finding me the song Cami) And for all of you that are starting to get frustrated with the lack of BL-baby, just be patient. It wont be long…

* * *

--

**CHAPTER 34 – Fly Away From Here (Graduation Day)**

_Sun comes up, then goes away  
So does Graduation Day  
You did your walk of fame and that was it_

_  
_It's humid and unusually hot for being this early in the morning and Lucas walks barefoot down the driveway to pick up the morning newspaper. He's been up since six, unable to sleep because he's nervous. He had taken a jog to clear his senses, and then a long cold shower, before sitting down in the kitchen with his mother and little brother. And at eight Brooke had shuffled into the sunlit room, smiling widely. She had happily sat down on his lap and he had kissed her and smiled back because he knew how much she had looked forward to today during the last weeks.

Today; the day of their high school graduation. Their very last day as students of Tree Hill High.

He grabs the paper thrown on the lawn and heads back up to the kitchen-door, and he enters the house just in time to hear his girlfriend's loud and high-pitched sound of frustration. Then there's a slam and as he looks out into the hallway to see the door to their bedroom still rattling on its hinges.

"What's going on?" he asks his mother, feeling more then a bit confused, and Karen just smiles motherly. He drops the paper on the table, strokes the soft peach-fuzz on his baby brother's head, and then heads towards his room to deal with whatever it is that is making Brooke upset.

Because it's obvious that Brooke is _NOT_ a happy camper…

-

It's_so_ not funny. Not even remotely close to amusing.

And as Brooke yells out in frustration and throws the garment on the floor she even stomps on it a little. She's not sure why, since it's fabric and won't in any way feel pain, but at least it makes her feel better. And then she hears the sound of someone gently clearing his throat.

She looks up and sees Lucas in the doorway.

"I'm not very social right now," she mutters and he nods, seemingly having trouble with keeping a straight face.

"I see that. If I was a graduation-robe I'd be running for my life."

The left side of his mouth twitches upwards to create a flash of that half-smile she adores so much, but even so, she manages to still look grumpy. She's angry and she's going to stay this way. It doesn't matter that her boyfriend is all gorgeous standing there barefoot and tanned.

"Hah! Aren't you the classic comedian?" she sarcastically spits back, but since his smile still lingers, she knows that he's not hurt by her harsh tone, probably more amused.

She picks the blue fabric off of the floor and throws it on the bed instead. However much she hates the thing it still falls under the category of 'clothes', and if there's one thing she handles with respect, then it's pieces of clothing.

"So what did it do to deserve this violent treatment, huh?"

Lucas comes up to her, cups her face and kisses her forehead while chuckling a little, and at first she just glares back, but then she surrenders and leans into him.

"It makes me look like a freaking circus tent, complete with a whole bunch of elephants inside! I'm seriously suing the principal if he tries to make me wear it. I hate it…"

Her voice goes from angry to whiny and she pushes out her lower lip before she finishes with "…and blue is not even my color Luke…"

Lucas laughs now and sucks her lip in between his teeth, and her spontaneous response is to open her mouth and kiss him hungrily. And when he slips her tank top over her head and says; "I bet it's not that bad. Lets just get you out of these PJ's," then she's like putty in his hands.

Damn it. Why can't she ever stay angry when he touches her?

-

Eventually his girlfriend calms down and agrees to wear the robe even though it's blue, at least during the ceremony of getting their diplomas. He's not sure if it's the half hour they spent in bed that does it, or if it's the promise that he made that he'd go with her to the mall afterwards to get a new outfit for tonight's party.

Either way, they're finally able to get ready and then his mother is the one that almost makes them late, first by deciding to feed little Keith at the last second, and then by realizing that she had forgotten her camera. And although they had already gotten half way to school, she demanded that he'd go back. All this whilst Keith slept like a log in his car seat, and Brooke spoke loudly on the phone with Rachel and every two seconds complained about the heat.

Finally he can't help but laugh. Life with Brooke and his mother is often like living in a nuthouse, but that doesn't mean that he isn't loving it.

"Mom, I'm gonna miss you when we leave," he blurts out when they have parked the car in the schoolyard parking lot, and his mother almost gets teary-eyed as she straightens his tie.

Brooke laughs beside him and mockingly fake-coughs "mamas-boy" before turning to his mother herself.

"Don't worry Karen," she sooths. "Luke will be back like three days after we leave, because otherwise he'll starve. I can't cook, remember? And besides, it's still like two months left…"

Strangely enough, the easiness with which Brooke admits to her total lack of cooking-skills, and the fact that she's never once showed any jealousness towards the bond he shares with his mom, makes him love her so immensely that he gets teary-eyed himself.

But Brooke stops him by flinging her arms around his neck and kisses him before whispering;

"If you dare to start crying now, I'll kill you. I'm pregnant and hormonal and my mascara is not waterproof. So you stay dry-eyed, okay boytoy?"

He's about to joke back, to say that he can't promise anything and that it's her fault in the first place. But when his mother leans into the car and unfastens his baby brother, Brooke sees her chance. In a second she has his balls in a tight grip, and squeezing them just a little too hard, she repeats herself.

"Okay_Boytoy_?"

He nods, laughing, and then squeaks out;

"Anything for you pretty girl."

---

They finally make it into school and they join the rest of their friends in assembly in their old classroom. Their homeroom teacher, Mrs Collins, congratulate them all to having had four wonderful years at the school and Haley cries when the woman tells them that they'll soon be off school for the rest of the summer, which of course earns breakouts of laughter from the rest of them.

Brooke sits in her old seat, the one she's had for almost everyday the last year, and she's rested against Lucas chest. Nervousness has started to build up for real, and for the first time in forever she's actually ecstatic that she's not student body president anymore. No one is pressuring her to hold a speech or come up with wise words about the future.

If they would she's pretty sure she'd come up with nothing. Because right now she's just pleased to have made it this far.

Lucas' warm breath against her neck is reassuring, and when its time to go out onto the schoolyard to go through with the real ceremony, she's holding on to his hand firmly.

There's so much more people there to watch then she's ever imagined and for a second she feels a little sting in her heart that her parents isn't be there with all the others, but then she sees Karen and even Larry Sawyer, and she realizes that she has whatever she needs right here.

They take seats upfront and with tears glistening in her eyes she listens to Haley hold a wonderful valedictorian speech. Feeling proud she watches her friend as she brilliantly sums up the four years, and she's glad that Haley has the guts to mention Jimmy and the school shooting as a major turning-point for them all, even though it has them all crying.

She gives them advice, tells them in her wonderful tutorgirl-way to accomplish great things, and then lastly Haley reminds them that the friends they've all made during these four years can be lifetime friendships.

"Remember…" her friend says and looks directly at her and Lucas and Nathan where they sit right below. "Best friends are not just friends. It's the second family you were allowed to choose…"

--

It's such an amazing, yet totally mind-boggling feeling to stand up there. The principal smiles and hands Brooke the diploma and she beams back at him. In that instant she even forgets how angry she had been when the same man decided to take away her positions as cheer-captain and student body president a couple of months back.

"Thank you principal Turner" she says almost shyly and grasps his hand. He shakes it warmly and answers "For what, miss Davis?"

"For my education. I mean, for not flunking me when you found me in the janitor's closet with Adrian Miller in sophomore year, for letting me graduate although I got pregnant… and for all the other bullshit that I've pulled in the meantime."

He smiles back.

"I would never have kicked you out Brooke. I told you I believed in you, didn't I? The first year you got chosen as the cheer-captain, remember? Well, you proved me right. And I hope that having this baby won't stop you from excelling in college. You have it in you. You just need to believe in your own ability."

Then the principal pats her shoulder and turns towards the audience down on the lawn.

"Brooke Davis, class of 2007. Congratulations!"

-

Rachel goes up on the podium less then five minutes after Brooke, and Lucas watches as the redhead and his girlfriend hugs. Brooke seems close to tears now and he smiles reassuringly at her. Because he knows that even though Brooke has been looking forward to this, graduating is still also one of the things that scare his pretty girl the most. Life beyond the borders of high school frightens her more then it frightens anyone, because here she's been the queen…

…and in college she'll be starting out as a statistic. The cheerleader that got knocked up and became a teenage mom.

He's certain that she'll be just as popular at UNC as she's been at Tree Hill High, but so far he hasn't thoroughly convinced her.

Haley follows shortly after Rachel, still sorted under 'J' due to the double-name 'James-Scott', and Nathan and Deb hold the twins while she receives her diploma and honour-student certificate. Then it's Bevin, who of course trips on the few steps up, Mouth who starts crying, and then the ongoing stream of students between the letters 'M' and 'S' until the podium is almost full.

He and Nathan make themselves ready to go up too and he takes his place behind Peyton in the line. He hasn't really said a word to the curly blonde since he yelled at her at Nathan's and Haley's house after they all found the tape, being all to pre-occupied with sorting things out with Brooke. But now he sees her look at Brooke and Rachel, standing hand in hand, and he notices how sad she seems. It's as if it's finally dawned upon her that she's been replaced.

"Hey Peyt," he says and touches her arm. "Long time no talk to."

Peyton turns and smiles towards him and Nathan, and he even gives her a hug.

"I heard you're moving to Savannah to start that Art-college, right? I talked to Jake on the phone last night and he says you two might give things another try."

"Yeah, thanks to Brooke… I'm not sure I deserve it though." She makes a guilty face. "How's Brooke and the baby by the way?"

She seems very low-key and he wonders if it's the same things scaring her that scares Brooke. The girls had after all been best friends for years, and even though people tended to see only their differences, he knows that in a lot of ways, due to their once so close bond, they were two peas in a pod.

"Brooke is fine. It's just three weeks left now so she's getting a little nervous. You should ask her yourself…"

It's just two more people in front of Peyton now and she looks down into the ground.

"I don't think she wants to talk to me after our little conversation at prom, and especially not after me punching her right in the face over that tape… and well… I don't really blame her…"

She turns forward now, ready to walk up on the podium and he stops her one last time.

"Peyton…"

"Yes?"

_She turns to me like we're alone  
Inside a secret telephone  
Says the words that no one else can hear_

He looks at her seriously, but still with the friendly warmth they once had before it all got so complicated.

"You_do_ deserve it. Jake and art-college and whatever other stuff you want in life. I believe in you and so does Brooke. I think you know that."

She smiles. Blinks a couple of times as if trying to hold back tears and he smiles back. Graduation seems to make not only himself emotional, but everybody who're present.

"Thanks…" she almost whispers. "You don't know how much that means. And for all that it's worth, I'm really happy for you."

And then she walks up to graduate.

-

Peyton grabs her diploma, and just like the rest of her classmates, she goes to stand on the left side of the podium where there's hardly no room left. She looks back and sees Lucas now with the principal, and the blond boy that she had once thought herself to be so much in love with, actually looks grown.

The blue robe brings out his eyes and his grin stretches from ear to ear when the principal officially congratulates him to the UNC writers-scholarship he's gotten. He then looks past her, locks eyes with Brooke further down the row, and he looks so in love that she almost laughs.

And it's funny… Lucas looks all handsome, but she feels no jealousy. No heartache. Just an immense sense of pride. And she's so happy that they made it, Brooke and Lucas. If somewhere down the road, she and Jake would look at each other like Lucas looks at Brooke right now, then their high school years would probably be rewritten into a teenage tv-series. Haley and Nathan, Brooke and Lucas, Bevin and Skills…

Tree Hill would be the one place heard of where people actually found their big love in high school.

It'd be the One Tree Hill.

-

Nathan is the last one of the friends entering the podium. With shaking hands he pulls at his robe to straighten it and looks out over the crowd. His mom and Karen are sitting upfront, his mom holding both Josh and Jamie, and Karen holding Lucas' little brother. He smiles and waves at them before realizing that he probably looks rather corny.

Then he walks towards the principal and reaches out his hand to accept his high school diploma. And as he feels the paper in his palm he lets out a sigh of relief.

Two years ago he'd been a guy losing his way. He had hated most of his family, been under the control of his father, on his way to flunk out of eighty percent of his classes and basketball had pretty much ruled his life.

Now, his life is pretty much the complete opposite. And he's happy. Ridiculously happy.

Instead of being controlled by his dad he has become one himself. Instead of having basketball rule his life, he's back to loving the game. And instead of flunking out of high school, he's now on his way to college, thanks to one beautiful Haley James-Scott.

Lucas, the brother he'd thought he would always hate, is now over by Brooke and as Nathan takes the principal's hand and shakes it, he watches Brooke and Lucas kiss.

"Thanks…" he mumbles to Principal Turner and thinks of something Brooke had said their sophomore year.

"_I might not be the brightest __girl, but I'm hella cute and I'm very flexible… I'll just marry rich and never have kids. That way I'll have time for my biggest talent; shopping." _

And as he walks over to stand next to Haley, he thinks that he's not the only one in the bunch that has changed. They all have.

Principal Turner then steps up to the pulpit and clears his throat. It's so quiet that one can hear a needle drop. And then the darker man says:

"Class of 2007. I'm proud to announce that all of you have now graduated!"

_She said I paid attention to myself  
I found that I was someone else  
Once a child and now I've grown within_

-

The bonfire is lit and Brooke is curled up against Lucas, satisfied with just watching as the flames lick the wood. He laughs and talks to some of the guys from the team and the sound of his soft chuckles is relaxing.

They've spent the afternoon with just being lazy and letting it all soak in and now, at eight, they have all gone down to the big graduation party at the beach. Rachel is getting them drinks, Nathan and Haley have left the twins for an hour to be able to hang out too, and in some way Brooke feels as even though they'll have all summer to hang out, it still somehow feels like this night is final.

Lucas runs lazy fingers through her hair, wraps her in strong arms and blows hot breaths on her neck right behind her ear. And she shivers. Smiles.

Sitting here, between Lucas' knees rested against his chest, just adds on to the perfection of this day. Of this utterly beautiful, yet completely scary last day of high school.

She sees Peyton sit with Mouth on the other side of the big fire and she thinks that if she hadn't gotten pregnant, or more specifically, if Peyton hadn't gone after Lucas, then this last summer before college would have been spent with Peyton. They had planned it since freshmen year, how they would spend two months travelling in Europe before the seriousness started. Peyton longed to see the art-galleries in Paris and Rome and she herself had just really looked forward to shop and flirt with cute Italian boys, and of course to be with her best friend.

But they hadn't talked about that since a while before Nathan's and Haley's second wedding. Not since that day in Peyton's bedroom when she had told the curly blonde that she didn't care if they ever spoke again.

Now she would be giving birth to Lucas' daughter on same said summer. She would be going through labor and childbirth during the same time that she should have been drunk in Rome, if the original plan had been followed out. And she would be doing it without Peyton.

For the first time in months that thought actually saddens her.

"_Best friends forever, right B Davis?"_

"_Of course P Sawyer. Hoe's over Bros."_

"_Yeah, buds over studs…"_

She sighs and Lucas instantly wraps her tighter in his arms and stops talking to his team-mates.

"What's the matter baby?" he asks and places a kiss on her hair, as if he senses that she is sad and needs comfort.

"Nothing…"

He chuckles softly and she can feel the sound travel through his belly and chest like wonderful ripples of safeness. "You can't fool me Brooke" he whispers. "And if you don't tell me then I'll bug all night and you know it."

She pretends to be annoyed and mutters "I'm sure you will…" but in honesty, this is one of the things she loves so much about him. That he knows her well enough to know when to push and when not to.

"Then spill" he ushers again, this time covering her protruding belly with his hands. "I know you want to."

She sighs again and thinks for a moment. Not sure if she should really voice these thoughts out loud. Because even though they never talk about it anymore, she knows that Lucas carries around a lot of guilt over the fact that Peyton and herself still hasn't mended their friendship.

He waits of course, never the one to stress her, and as the teenage boys around them go back to talking about basketball and weightlifting and the new shorter cheerleader-skirts, he simply trails patterns on her stretched skin with his fingertips.

"I miss Peyton…" she finally says, and for a fracture of second his hand stops its ministrations, telling her that he still gets that pang of guilt.

"And not the way you think," she continues, since now that she's started she might as well finish. "It's just so weird to me that we've glided so far apart. We shared so much. And sometimes when I hear her laugh or see that her eyes look sad, it's like my brain reacts instinctively. I go on autopilot and I want to laugh too or hug her, and then I remember that we're not close anymore, and that I have no clue why she's laughing or why she seems sad."

His hand is moving again. Outlining a baby they both long to see and hold, and she knows he has already started brooding. If she would turn and look at him right now she knows she'd find him squinting, forehead in creases, trying to think of a way to solve this for her. And as if to prove she's right she hears him mutter "I wish I could make it good between you two again…"

She takes one of his hands and lifts it to her lips. Kisses his palm gently.

"It's not your fault Lucas. Peyton and I have grown apart. We probably would have even if you hadn't come between us. It would probably just have taken a little longer… and after the 'tape thing', I mean I'm not sure if she still believes that I did those things behind her back…"

Now he's the one sighing and she guesses that he wants to believe that she's not holding him responsible for the ruined friendship. But instead of asking if she's sure, like she expects him to, he kisses her neck and says;

"Go talk to her Brooke. You'll feel better. She knows she was wrong… Today must be pretty tough on the both of you and I bet she'd love to air this out as well…"

-

_Celebration through the night  
Circle round this fire light  
I guess this pack of wolves will pass for friends  
Saying who's that coming up to me?  
Hope and opportunity  
You better grab it fast, grab it fast, and hope it never ends_

Peyton takes a sip of the punch from her red plastic cup and looks out at the dark ocean. The waves crash against the sandy beach-line but the sound is drenched in the music and the laughter of her classmates and friends.

She wishes Jake could be here tonight but he has his own graduation in Savannah and has Jenny to take care of. And she wishes that she could stroll over to Nathan and bask in some old high school memories she's been thinking of ever since she saw him except his diploma earlier. But Nathan sits next to Brooke and Lucas, and the golden couple looks so cozy and perfect that she can't make herself to crowd their space.

It might be silly, it might even be selfish or childish, but as she sits here listening to Mouth and Junk talk, she keeps stealing glances at Brooke and Lucas. And she finds herself wishing that Brooke would be just a little bit sad too, because out of all the things she wishes for while sitting by the bonfire on the night of her high school graduation, to have her old friendship back with Brooke is on top of the list.

She still feels as she did earlier. She's still happy that Brooke and Lucas seem to finally have shed all the issues and insecurities that have tainted their relationship since her own stupid move at that rehearsal dinner. But she misses her best friend.

"_Brooke, you might not be my friend, but I'm still yours. And I'm going to prove it to you."_

When she said those words after the Classics back in junior year, she had honestly meant them. But after that she had just kept hurting Brooke, over and over again proven the exact opposite of her statement.

She still feels like Brooke is her best friend. She just feels like she out of ways to show it, because after all the stupid stunts she's pulled this last year and a half, there isn't anything that she can think of that will make Brooke see that she is honestly sorry.

And now, with graduation over and done with, time seems to be slipping away and the chance that she'll get to prove her friendship to Brooke diminish more and more for every passing day.

In two months Brooke would be living in Raleigh with Lucas and their baby, and she would be in Savannah, hopefully rebuilding her relationship with Jake. If they'd still been close and shared their old best-friend-bond, then all the miles separating them would have been no problem at all. It'd be just a quick flight or an easy road-trip. But now she knows that the same amount of miles will become an unclimbable wall.

She sighs and puts her cup down in the sand. Alcohol is not what she wants tonight. And she's just about to stand up and head home when she sees Lucas helping Brooke to get on her feet and then, to her surprise, her brown haired other half walks straight towards her.

There's this glow around her, and by the size of Brooke's belly Peyton is once again reminded that it's getting close now. Brooke will soon become a mother.

And Brooke will soon leave her behind.

_So I'm packing on these golden years  
I let them go without a tear  
I let them go and this is what she said  
She said to me_

-

"Hi P Sawyer…" she says softly and struggles to sit down beside the curly blond on the sand. "Can we talk?"

It's dark but as Peyton nods she almost looks a little worried. Maybe she too had been thinking of past times and seemingly unfixable problems. At least she doesn't look like she's about to whack her in the face like last time they spoke.

"So… graduation, right? I can't believe we're no longer in high school…"

"I know… I keep thinking that it was the other week that we were freshmen. I still remember clearly when you went to school on our first day in that leopard top."

The both laugh and she rubs her belly. The tension is awkward and she's more then aware that they're both engaging in this type of small talk just to avoid the bigger things. Yet she still answers:

"Well, my mom always told me to make a spectacular first impression. I'm pretty sure that's the only useful advice she ever gave me."

Peyton chuckles and makes a face. "Yeah, that and the time she told us that you could never have too many pairs of shoes…"

They fall back into silence and she realizes that Mouth and Junk has left them to join the other guys over by Lucas and Nathan. Knowing Mouth he's done this to allow them some privacy because he too feels as if this whole mess between herself and Peyton has been going on far too long. So finally she takes a breath and says;

"Look Peyton, I'm not here to start another fight or anything… I just…"

Peyton waves her hands in the air. "No, wait Brooke… Can I start? Please?"

The pleading look in the blonde girl's eyes makes her silently nod and then Peyton clears her throat.

"I know I have no right saying this after all the crap I pulled… but… but I really miss you Brooke. And today it all seems so final. I keep thinking that we won't have time to fix this" she says and points between them. "That I won't have the time to explain to you how grateful I am for all that you've done for me and how sorry I am for all my fuck-ups."

"Well we still have two months of summer…"

She says it even though she knows it's not true. They won't have two months, maybe not even two weeks, because she's having a baby soon and all her time and energy will be directed towards that. But just like she told Lucas, talking to Peyton and seeing her all sad just makes her react instinctively, wanting to reassure her former best friend that everything will be fine.

But Peyton sees right through her and her eyes become even sadder.

"You know that's not true Brooke… And believe me, I understand. I just wish things were different…"

She nods as an answer. Thinks that if she's being honest to herself, she wishes that too. But things aren't different, and maybe it's time that they both start realizing that.

"Remember when we were kids?" she says softly. "We used to plan on getting married and have babies at the same time so that our kids could be BFF's too…"

"Yeah. And that's part of what I mean… All of the things that I've planned for so long has you there right beside me. How am I gonna get through college if you're not there, Brooke? It feels like we'll never talk again once I leave for Savannah and you and Lucas go off to UNC."

The blonde looks defeated and Brooke can see her eyes travel over to Rachel who's now sitting next to Lucas. The redhead and her boyfriend are laughing and Peyton sighs.

"Who would have thought that you and Rachel would end up being so close? You two pretty much hated each other…"

"Peyton…" she interrupts. "Rachel is very important to me, and even if you and I would find our way back to how close we used to be, I'd still be this close to her."

She waits until Peyton looks at her before she continues. "Look. Part of why I came over here is because I don't want us to lose contact… I feel incomplete in a way when we're not even talking… But I also feel like it's important to tell you that if we're going to have any chance of rebuilding our friendship, we're going to need to start over completely."

Peyton nods solemnly and it's evident that she feels hurt.

"I know that…"

"I want you to get to know Emma, Peyton. And I don't want the eleven years of friendship that we shared going straight into nothing. But it won't be the same and you need to see that too. I love you Peyt, I do… I just have other friends too now, and they don't have as much to prove as you do."

A silent tear falls down Peyton's cheek and she automatically reaches out and dries it away.

"Hey P Sawyer… don't cry… it'll be okay. We'll both work on it."

She means it. This time she's being honest and she's not just saying it because Peyton's tears make her sad. And when Peyton hesitantly wraps her in a hug, she hugs back.

Rachel and Haley are her best friends, and nothing in this hug is going to change that. But it feels good to throw all the old anger and disappointment out and start over.

When they pull back Peyton dries away more tears and says "Maybe this is too soon to ask but… do you wanna get together and do something tomorrow? Just go to the mall or the beach or something?"

It's been their routine since elementary school, to hang out the first day of summer-break, and she can't believe that she had actually forgotten. She feels bad even before answering but she can't start their 'new beginning' with lying.

"Uhm… actually I've already made plans with Rachel and Haley… we're going to go get a stroller…"

The little glimpse of hope on the blonde girl's face falls.

"Oh…"

And suddenly she feels like 'what the hell?'. New beginnings called for new methods, right?

"Why don't you come along?" she offers and smiles. "We're going for ice-cream afterwards and I'm hooking Rachel up with this clean-teen that works at Ben & Jerry's. It'll be hilarious."

Peyton's smile resurfaces and she nods.

"I'd like that… I mean, if it's alright with Haley and Rachel."

"You bet."

Maybe if they both really tried, then they could find a new friendship. One that fits their new life.

The life after high school.

---

It's late. The sun's gone down hours ago and the sky is sprinkled with stars. The air is still warm though and Lucas sighs contentedly and rests his head towards the back of the hammock on his mom's porch. The night had been a success. A great end to four years of high school that in reality both felt much longer and at the same time like a blink of an eye.

Brooke is leant against his chest and he thinks that this, the way they're sitting right now, is when he's most satisfied. To have her close to him so that he can feel her heartbeat and her calm and steady breathing.

The breeze plays with her hair and he gently runs his fingers through it to keep it out of her face.

"You know what?" he whispers softly, not to disturb the almost sacred feeling of this moment, and she shakes her head.

"I think we should make a pact… The next couple of months, after Emma's birth and with moving and everything… it might be a little stressful. I think we should decide to always try and have time like this before we go to bed…"

His hands are on her belly and again the tiny foot kicks him from the inside.

"I mean, at night after Emma has fallen asleep… We should make a pact to always have some time for just 'us', where we can talk and stuff…"

She doesn't answer at first and he's just about to regret saying something. Maybe she thinks that the whole idea is cheesy or stupid. But then she wiggles out of his grip and turns. Watches him with those electric green eyes of hers.

"Sometimes you're just too good to be true" she whispers and he unconsciously reaches up and cups her face with his palm.

"Sometimes I don't know what I've done to deserve you…"

She leans in and kisses him softly and he relishes the taste of her lips.

"I think it's the other way around Brooke…"

She melts into his arms again and they stay silent and just watch the stars.

Three weeks. Three short weeks and then they would be a family, and he can't wait. It's going to be hard at times, he's sure of that. They're going to have to come up with a way to juggle Emma between them so that Brooke would have time for school too, and it would probably result in fights and tears at times, but if they could just have times like this, he's thinks that they would get through it.

"I love you" she whispers, just as a star falls. And he doesn't 'think' anymore.

He's sure.

**---------**

* * *

**Author's note:** All for now folks! LOL  
I don't have time to do personal responses this time, but every single one of the reviews received for last chapter is pure love. A special thank you to **Ellie** who gave me the longest review I think I ever received and of course to **Cami** and **Casey**. I'm ecstatically happy to see that this story is still found by new readers. To all of you that has just started reading; Welcome! And to all you faithful ones; You rock!


	35. That's The Beat Of A Heart

**Author's note**: Exactly a month since the last update. I hope that 2008 finds you all happy and healthy. A short 'thank you' at the end, and title and lyrics is from a song by Sara Evans.

--

* * *

**CHAPTER 35 – That's The Beat Of A Heart**

_Sometimes it's hard to don't  
want to look over your shoulder  
'Cause you don't want to  
remember where you've been  
_

The sound of his little brother screaming in the other room wakes Lucas up. He slowly opens his eyes and after looking at the alarm-clock and seeing that it's only 3.15 in the morning he turns to cuddle up with his sleeping girlfriend. Although Brooke isn't sleeping. Instead she sits up in the bed, back rested against the headboard, and she's covering her ears with her hands, looking really tired.

When the wailing stops she slowly lets her hands fall and sighs;

"He's been screaming for an hour…"

In the now silent room the thwacking of the fan seems louder and he makes a mental note that they need to buy a new one. It's not really helping and the sound just adds to Brooke's inability to sleep.

But however hot it is in the bedroom he slings his arm around her belly and nuzzles his head at her side before he mumbles back; "He's just a baby Brooke, babies tend to do that…"

"I know that!"

There's an irritated pitch to her voice and he feels sorry for her. He knows that she has not been sleeping very well the last couple of nights since its so hot outside and her body feels swollen. And since it's just a week and a half left until her due-date she really needs the rest.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asks with his face still buried in the pillow.

"No… It's just that when he cries like this it makes my breasts ache and I can't sleep. It's making me crazy…"

There is something else in her voice that makes him rub the sleep out of his eyes and look at her and he realizes that she is about to start crying. Starting to get worried, he sits up too.

"You're in pain? Why didn't you wake me up Brooke? Maybe something is wrong…"

The last two weeks since graduation has been pretty uneventful. Easy summer weeks with lots of lazy time spent at the beach or in the shadow in the backyard. Brooke has been calm and satisfied with just taking it easy too and they've spent lots of time with their friends. That's why he hasn't really seen this coming.

She shakes her head and the first tears fall down her cheeks. "No, nothing's wrong. I asked Karen and she says it's because my body is getting ready for Emma. Like every time little Keith cries my body thinks that I need to feed him…" She wipes the tears away with an annoyed sweep. "You know that this is insane, right?" she asks him through the tears. "You _do_ realize that we are way too young to become parents Luke?"

The quick change of subject throws him off a little. Of course he knows that they're too young, at least according to statistics, but he's not feeling worried the way she does anymore. He just has to look at Brooke to know that everything will be okay. They've been to hell and back during their relationship and since they've made it this far he's not sure what could ever break them. So he pulls her to him and softly dries her tears away with the back of his hand.

"Don't worry so much Pretty girl. That's my job… and we'll just take it all one day at the time, okay?"

But her tears just keep falling in a steady stream. "Is this how it's going to be now Luke? Me being awake all night while you're sleeping?! He's been crying for an hour and you've slept like a prince… god, we're not going to be able to do this, are we?"

"Hey…" he says softly, putting a finger under her chin and lifting it so that she has to face him. She seems really upset and for no real apparent reason. As late as yesterday they had talked about how great it was all going to be once Emma was born, and about all the perks of being young parents. But now, in the night's darkness, she seems so much more unsure.

"What's the matter Brooke?" he asks softly and tries to calm her by running his fingers through her tangled locks of hair. "I thought you were fine with all this. It's just a few days left… imagine when we get to see her…"

The words meant to make her feel better seem to upset her even more and Brooke blinks away new tears. In her pj's with her eyes all red she looks so young. As if the very protruding belly is out of place on her body.

"Do you think I could have a c-section, just like Haley?"

"Why would you want that Brooke? I don't want them to cut you open."

"Then_you_ push it out!" she snaps, suddenly with a lot more harshness in her voice, and he realizes.

"Are you scared?" he asks and cups her face in his hands. She nods and looks down. Why hadn't he realized this before? Of course she is scared. God, if he was the one having to go through with labor and childbirth he would pretty much be scared shitless by now. To him it was scary enough that Brooke was going to go through all this and that he himself couldn't do anything to help or comfort her. But Brooke had seemed so strong when dealing with everything about the birth of Haley's babies that he thought for sure she was fine.

He himself had worried for weeks now about what would happen if everything didn't go like it should. But now he realizes that even if it did, Brooke would still be in a whole lot of pain. She would probably bleed too, and frankly he doesn't do so well with blood.

"I can't stop thinking about it" she says and leans towards his chest. "Not since we saw that video…"

"Yeah, that thing was pretty scary…"

He can feel himself going a bit pale just by thinking of it. They had both been totally unprepared for that. In their health-class last year Mrs. Conner had made it sound like childbirth was a breeze. But they had watched that video months ago. Had she been dwelling on this ever since then?

They're both quiet for a couple of minutes, each of them lost in their own thoughts, but then the high pitched sound of his baby brother's cries is heard through the wall again and Brooke cringes.

"As I said…" she finally states and points from herself to him. "This; Us having a baby… That is _insane_!"

_Sometimes you'll drown it out with all your rage and thunder  
Sometimes you'll drown it out with all your tears  
There'll come a time when you hear it and you'll wonder  
"Where in the world have I been?"_

----

The next morning life is back to normal. 'Or as normal as it would get these days', Brooke thinks as she puts her bowl of cereal in the sink after breakfast. Karen comes into the kitchen looking tired, and hands baby Keith to Lucas, who sits by the kitchen table reading a book.

"Can you watch him for half an hour? I need to take a shower."

Lucas nods and shifts the little boy nervously in his arms. "Yeah mom, sure."

Karen leaves the room again and Brooke watches as the little chubby boy's face wrinkles up in preparation for new tears. 'Not again' she thinks and quickly shields her ears for the coming sound. And as Keith starts crying she watches Lucas trying to rock him and hush him but nothing works. At first she thinks about leaving the room. Just to go into the bedroom, call Rachel and ask her to come earlier to get her for their day at the beach. But at the same time, seeing Lucas being all nervous and distressed about not being able to help his mom out makes her sad. She knows that he still has all these worries about his mom being alone when they leave for college and that he wishes he could help her more.

In the back of her head she still has all the thoughts from last night but a greater need of helping her boyfriend takes over and she finds herself walking over and picking the crying baby out of his arms. She has no clue what so ever to what she is doing but if she was Keith she'd be crying too the way Lucas rattles him.

"Hey cutie… what's up?" she mumbles softly and rests the baby against her shoulder. "Why are you so upset, huh?"

The hick-upping cries stops almost instantly and when she looks at Lucas with a surprised face she sees the same expression mirrored on his.

"How did you do that?" he asks sounding perplexed and she looks down on the now quiet baby before whispering;

"Believe me… I have no freaking clue!"

Lucas' frown turns into a smile and he goes back to his book.

"Well, what ever it is you're doing, keep doing it…"

_There'll come a time you die,  
If you could only hold her  
'Cause I know that's where I am_

-

Rachel steps out of her car outside Lucas' house at eleven o'clock and heads up to the open kitchen door. Usually she would knock but since the door is open she walks right inside. She sees Lucas first, standing by the sink and loading the dishwasher, and then she sees Brooke.

Her friend is sitting by the table and she has Lucas' little brother propped up on her lap. Karen sits next to her and they seem to be looking at a photo-album. It's like a preview of family-life. Brooke's family life.

"Hey guys" she says and steps into the room. Brooke looks up and smiles brightly.

"Rachel! Come look at this. Lucas was soo cute!"

Looking over her friends shoulder she eyes the pictures. Not exactly her idea of how to spend her Saturday, looking at baby-pictures of Lucas Scott, but Brooke looks so hyper that she has to laugh.

"Whatever fatso, I don't want to see your boytoy in diapers… I thought we were going to the beach?"

Lucas mumbles a "thank you!" from behind her and Brooke huffs.

"We are, skank. I was waiting for you."

She hands over the baby to Karen and strains to get up from the chair before saying "…and for your information; I'm not fat. I'm pregnant!"

Rachel laughs at this but falls silent when seeing the looks of warning from both Lucas and Karen. And when Brooke goes to put her coffee cup in the sink, Lucas mouths "No teasing…"

So it was one of _those_ days…

"Well, come on then Slim-Jim. We have to pick up Peyton."

Brooke huffs again and Lucas rolls his eyes as if saying 'that'll just make it worse' but Karen stiffens a laugh. Then Lucas walks up to Brooke and kisses her gently before nudging her to go.

"Be careful baby…" she hears him mumble to the brunette. "And call if you need me."

-

Its Saturday so no beach for the guys. For Lucas and Nathan, Saturday meant the River Court and hours of basketball. For herself, Rachel, Peyton and Bevin, it meant a day of laziness down on the beach.

She'd like Haley to come too but the twins are way too small for the strong sun at the beach and since Nathan is playing ball with Lucas, Haley stays home.

They've nicked a couple of sun beds just down by the water and although there is hardly any wind, the sound of the waves is calming. She has her eyes closed behind the sunglasses and listens to the lazy small talk between Peyton and Rachel. She's still not completely used to having Peyton there, but she has to admit that it feels nice, and Rachel finally seems to come around to the presence of the blonde as well.

That first day after graduation when Peyton came with them to the mall could have gone straight down the drain hadn't it been for Haley. Rachel had loud and clear expressed her thoughts about how Peyton had treaded her friends the last couple of months and Peyton had ended up crying inside a fitting-room at Gap. But Tutor-mom had fixed things. She had grabbed Rachel's arm firmly, pulled her into the small cubicle with Peyton, and while Brooke waited outside with the twins Haley had told both the girls to cut the crap and reconcile for their friend's sake.

Surprisingly they had. And it had pretty much been smooth sailing since.

Of course, sometimes the jealousy flared. But she made sure that Rachel knew that she wasn't about to be replaced. Peyton hanging out with them had nothing to do with yet another shift of BFF's. Rachel and Haley still held the top spots.

And last night when Rachel was about to drop her off at home after spending the afternoon at the mall, she had a long talk with the redhead about her position as godmother, and Rachel had seemed relieved to hear that she wasn't being replaced in that category either.

She's a little worried about the college thing though, because Rachel hardly talked about college and she had been so busy thinking about herself and Lucas and the soon to come baby that she hadn't really thought about where Rachel was going. And when she had asked her friend, the closest she had come to an answer had been 'yeah… well, it's gonna be fine…'

She shifts on the sun-bed to find a more comfortable position. Sighs, and shifts again.

She's eleven days from her due-date and it's not fun to be this big. She's not complaining out loud, but god does she miss her toned cheerleader body. She misses her flat tummy the most, but getting rid of the excess fat on thighs, upper arms and face would be lovely too.

Haley says that she understands but she never got this far in her pregnancy. Her babies had been delivered early, and of course, everything had its pro's and cons.

_Pro_: Haley didn't have to go through 38 weeks of pregnancy and she got a c-section, which meant that tutor-mom never had to go through labor-pain.

_Con_: Josh and Jamie had spent almost 7 weeks in the neonatal unit. Haley had twins so she got fat sooner. And Haley got a big scar…

"I wish Lucas could give birth to the baby…" she mutters and reaches for the sun-block that's sticking out of Peyton's bag.

The blonde laughs and hands it to her.

"I know he's pussy-whipped and all, but _that_ is a hard wish even for him to grant, Brooke."

"I guess…"

She rubs the lotion on her belly and sighs. Suck it up, right? Wasn't that what Rachel had said the other day? _Suck it up and take responsibility for your actions…_

Maybe she's just tired of being pregnant, or maybe it's because she's starting to see the end of carrying around this extra person, but it's becoming more and more uncomfortable.

And today is worse then ever.

"I'm feeling strange…"

It's like a dull cramp in her lower back, and once in a while it kind of sends tendrils of pain to the front of her belly. It's not bad or anything, more like menstrual cramps, but still it makes her a little restless.

"You want me to call Lucas?"

Rachel looks up from her magazine but she shakes her head.

"No, I'm fine. It's more of a weird feeling."

And she _is_ fine. Lucas has fun with the guys today and she feels as though he deserves that, especially after she had kept him awake half the night with her sudden fear of giving birth. Even though it wasn't really_sudden_, she still feels a little embarrassed about how she had just snapped at him for no reason, since he had no way of knowing that she had been thinking of that video.

Peyton and Bevin lay back down on their sun-beds but Rachel gives her a last glance and says "Are you sure?" with a raised eyebrow.

It doesn't hurt anymore so she nods and looks around at the crowded beach. It's probably over 85 degrees but at least there's a breeze down here.

"Have you talked to Chase" she asks instead and tries to sound casual and non-caring about it because she knows that the boy is kind of an itchy subject for Rachel. Ever since she kind of 'hooked them up' two weeks ago, when Peyton helped her drop that ice cream down Rachel's cleavage, Rachel hadn't been seen flirting with any other boys. Not even the life-guards, and even she herself flirted with those.

Rachel sits up and pulls a hand through her fiery red hair, seemingly a little uncomfortable.

"Yeah, I saw him last night…"

"You_saw_ him? What the fuck Rachel? Did you go on a date with Chase without telling me?!"

She's excited and a little angry at the same time, but the sudden rosy spots on Rachel's cheeks stop her from rambling further. Was Rachel Gattina blushing?

"Hey you little slut…" she says to get the redhead to look at her. "Did you sleep with the clean-teen?"

"No…"

Now Peyton and Bevin are sitting up too.

"But you totally made out with him" Peyton says and laughs. "It's all over your face."

"Shut up!"

The girl blushes some more and stands up.

"Okay, so maybe I did. But what can I do, right? The guy is cute and he's a clean-teen! It's not as if I can just get him drunk and sleep with him in the backseat of his car…"

"Why not?"

Bevin giggles, but when Rachel turns to go down to the sea and cool off, she suddenly feels like calling her back. Because the dull cramp is coming over her again and she feels worried.

"Rachel?"

The redhead turns, ready to scold her for what she probably thinks will be a sarcastic or bitchy comment about not getting any. But she holds her hand pressed against her lower back and smiles a little crookedly.

"Could you not go swim right now? I think I might want to call Lucas after all…"

Just to be sure.

-

They probably draw attention to themselves in the doctor's waiting room as they all sit in a group and wait. The girls are still in their beachwear and he's still sweating like a pig in his basketball attire. But Lucas doesn't care. He just wants to make sure that what ever it was Brooke was feeling isn't labor.

She's okay now. She has been ever since he came rushing in here all sweaty and worried, and she's talking to Rachel about some dude in their English class.

She looks fine too, and he rubs her back absentmindedly and checks his watch. Was it supposed to take thirty minutes to get a check up when Brooke was only a week and a half from her due date?

"Excuse me?" he asks when the nurse walks by. "We've been here half an hour… Is the doctor ready soon?"

"Yes, just five more minutes. Then we'll call you."

"Okay, thanks…"

Brooke looks up at him and shrugs apologetically.

"We can go home Luke. I told you, I feel fine now… I'm sorry I ruined your game…"

He touches her cheek and smiles.

"Nuh-uh pretty girl. We're not leaving until you're checked out. It could be just lack of sleep but I'll feel much better after they've looked at you."

Rachel seems to agree because she's nodding.

"Besides, Brooke…" she says. "You heard what Haley said. It could be early labor."

Brooke pouts and rests her head against his shoulder. Haley kept herself updated over the phone, ready to drop the twins off with Deb if it turned out that this was it. But she had also told him over the same said phone that she really didn't think that was the case. She had said, quote; if your girlfriend is in labor you'll know, believe me…" and he agrees. It feels as if Brooke was giving birth to their daughter within the next hours, she wouldn't be sulking because he refuses to take her to the mall.

Maybe she was just feeling worried again? About the birth and all. He wouldn't blame her, because ever since she woke him up last night he's been feeling increasingly worried as well.

"Brooke Davis?"

The nurse calls and he stands up and gently pulls his girlfriend with him. Rachel, Bevin and Peyton decide to wait where they are and Brooke assures them she'll be back in five minutes. And then they walk into the doctor's office and he can't help but feel a little nervous.

"Sometimes I wish they would say Brooke Scott…" he mumbles, and it's not until the words have actually left his mouth that he realizes what that implies. Brooke freezes and looks up at him but he doesn't have to explain because Dr. Shandwick meets them in the doorway.

"Hello Miss Davis. Straight from the beach, I see?"

_Scott_.

She nods, seemingly still a little stiff, and he wonders what is wrong in his head since he can't seem to stop thinking about that name-thing.

"So let's look at you. The nurse said that you've experienced some cramping, is that right?"

"Yeah… but it's better now."

He watches as Brooke lays down on the exam-table and pulls up her tank top. She's still wearing a bikini underneath and she has sand stuck on her skin. The doctor feels around on her belly and mumbles stuff about the baby being in a good position and about no dilation. And he breathes out. Everything seems okay.

Then the older man brings the ultrasound over and when he puts the probe against Brooke's skin, the sound of Emma's and Brooke's hearts both fill the room. And he relaxes even more, because it sounds just like usual, Brooke's are nice and slow, while their baby's heartbeat sound quick and happy.

"What you're feeling is probably Braxton-hicks" the doctor says and smiles. "And it's completely normal. A lot of women have these pre-term labor cramps for weeks before the real thing starts. It's nothing to worry about."

"So is there something we should think about? Should she take it easy or maybe lay down more…"

"No. it's just the body preparing for labor. These early cramps helps pushing the baby into the right position for the birth. It's probably perfect timing since your calculated due-date is August 3rd."

"Okay. See Luke, I told you it was fine…"

His girlfriend smiles up at him and he pokes one of her dimples gently and smiles back. The dents in her cheeks are even deeper nowadays since her face is a little rounder.

"Good."

The doctor pulls her shirt back down and pats the rounded belly.

"Well, I guess I'll see you on your regular appointment then Miss Davis. At two o'clock on Monday, right?"

_Scott_.

Brooke nods happily and he himself tries to shake some sense into his head.

Seriously…

_So listen with all your heart  
Hold it inside forever  
You may find all your dreams have already come true  
Look inside and find the part that's leading you  
'Cause that's the beat of a heart_

--

They're sitting at the kitchen table having dinner later that evening and Karen is still scolding Lucas for not calling when they went to the hospital. Brooke thinks about saving him, but he looks so cute all pouty and defensive, so instead she spears a meatball on her fork and smiles.

And when Karen gets up to go get Keith from his crib, she pats Lucas' thigh under the table.

"Baby, don't worry. _I_ love you."

He sulks and she knows he's doing it to cram out every little drop of extra attention from her.

"Why doesn't she tell you off, huh?"

"Because I'm the one with the Braxton hiccups or whatever its called. She feels sorry for me as it is. _You_ on the other hand, you're the one that got us here…"

"Me?"

He looks surprised, yet amused, and he's making a face as if saying 'you MUST be kidding me'. She glides her hand higher up on his thigh and smiles.

"Yes you Broody. You're the little perv that got me pregnant, remember? I wanted to wait until we were married, but you just…"

She doesn't get further because he grips her sides and tickles her, making her laugh so hard that she almost spills her glass of lemonade.

"No, stop it Luke…" she chokes out laughing and tries to squirm out of his hold, but it's impossible.

"Take that back Brooke… or…"

He tickles her more and he's laughing too now.

"No!"

"You know as well as I do that you seduced me…" he says with faked innocence and a flirty grin. "I was the scared virgin in the car, remember? And you took advantage of me while I was drunk."

He tickles her a little more and she squeals.

"Plus, you were the one that made me forget about the condom when we were at the cabin" he continues. "We wouldn't have been in this tight spot if you had just let me get protection…"

He still smiles but she's not laughing anymore. And maybe he sees the change of expression on her face because his fingers loosen their grip and he slowly releases her.

"What do you mean Lucas?"

"What?"

He looks insecure, as if he senses that he might have said something stupid but still hasn't figured out what that something is.

Did he blame her? It was the truth wasn't it? She hadn't let him go… if she had listened to him that night in Rachel's parents cabin, then they wouldn't be on the verge of becoming teen parents.

Suddenly her bottom lip trembles.

"I'm sorry…" she mumbles quietly and Lucas looks back at her confused before he seems to understand what she means. Although right then Karen comes back into the kitchen.

"He fell back to sleep… Sorry, where were we?"

Lucas' mother stops and looks between them for a second. Lucas is still bent over her chair and she gently pushes him away.

"Oh, that's great Karen, really…"

She tries to hold her voice as normal as possible although all she wants to do is run into the bedroom and lock the door. And Karen seems to buy it. But Lucas sure doesn't.

"Thanks for dinner mom" he says and grabs her hand. "Brooke and I need to go talk about something. I'll do the dishes a little later."

"But…"

"No mom, we really need to sort something out. I'll be right back."

Then he turns to her and pulls at her hand gently. "Come on Brooke."

Two seconds ago she wanted nothing but to leave the kitchen, but now she wants nothing but to stay. Yet she gets on her feet and silently follows him into their bedroom, and she sits down on the bed while he closes the door and sighs.

"Don't say that you think that I blame you…" he mumbles before even turning to face her. "Because if you say that, Brooke, then I'm seriously going to get angry…"

"Lucas…"

"No!"

He actually sounds a little angry and she pulls her shoulders up defensively as he walks over and sits down beside her. He fiddles with the bedspread and she watches him out of the corner of her eye.

"It's true though…" she mutters and strokes her belly. "I did keep you from going up to get the condoms… you said that they were in the other room and I told you to forget them…"

She bites her lower lip to stop it from trembling further, and this time when her boyfriend sighs, it's a sound of despair.

"I was kidding Brooke. _Kidding_! We were playing and you said it was my fault, and I knew that you were kidding, right? So why can't you understand that I was just playing along?"

He turns towards her and his blue eyes are more serious than ever. "You know that I want this. I want you and the baby and the life we have planned…"

"But…"

"No freaking 'but'. Not a single one, okay?"

He grabs her hands in his and she hesitantly meets his gaze, knowing that he'll wait until she looks him in the eyes before he continues.

"Listen baby. I know that you're not insecure about us anymore and that you want this baby too, so I'm gonna be honest and tell you something, okay?"

She nods.

"I wanted you to be pregnant in junior year… Maybe you think I'm nuts, but I did. I even told my mom so you can ask her if you don't believe me."

He's silent for a second as if thinking. "That night when I came over to your house to give you that 'I'll be there for you and the baby'-speech and you told me that you had lied… I actually went home and cried. My mom came home and found me sitting at the kitchen table and I never thought I'd feel like that, but I was so sad…"

She feels confused now. What he's saying doesn't make sense. But he lets go of the bedspread and starts playing with her hand instead. Drawing patterns in her palm with his fingertip.

"The weird thing was that I didn't know then why I was so upset, but now I do. The 'loss' of that baby meant no connection to you… no future with you…"

"Come on Lucas, don't…"

She hushes him and leans in to kiss him but he backs up.

"Brooke, listen. I don't blame you because it was MY fault, okay? I know that you were kidding out there in the kitchen, but I'm not joking now. I've wanted you to have my baby ever since I realized you weren't pregnant that night. I hoped for it so many times. Remember how I wasn't even scared or upset about you being pregnant when you told me? I was just mad at you for lying, remember?"

Her eyes are wide now.

"But you were the one that always made sure we were protected Luke… you said…"

"_Wait Brooke… I have condoms in my bag… I'm just gonna go and get them…"_

"I know what I said. I never went though, did I?"

"No…"

This time he is the one leaning in for the kiss and she lets him. His lips feel so soft against hers.

"You know that I love carrying your baby, Luke. And if you misunderstood last night, then maybe I should clear things up. I'm not scared of having your baby. I'm just scared of giving birth to her."

He kisses her again, even softer.

"Well, I'll be there with you pretty girl… all the way."

She smiles, but then frowns a little as one of those tiny cramps wash over her, and he notices it.

"You okay, Brooke?"

"Yeah, it's just another one of those Braxley hiccups…"

He laughs. "Braxton-hicks, babygirl. _Braxton-hicks_."

-

_No one can tell you how to get there  
It's a road you take all by yourself  
All by yourself_

The new fan makes hardly no sound at all as it cools the room and yet Lucas lays awake and stares at the ceiling. Brooke sleeps comfortably beside him, one arm around his waist and head against his chest, and he keeps running his fingers through her silky hair.

He can't stop thinking about that weekend.

The discussion he had with Brooke after dinner, together with his weird reaction at the doctor's office, made the memories even more clear. And for an hour now he has been laying like this, replaying that weekend in his mind.

So many things had just felt so right about that weekend. And maybe that was the reason to why he felt so utterly confused when Brooke had broken up with him a month later. During that weekend he and Brooke had been in their own bubble of bliss, kind of like they were right now, and even though Peyton was there and Rachel kept trying to embarrass his girlfriend, they had managed to stay in that bubble. Protected.

That night when Pete from Fall Out Boy stayed over, he remembers thinking that he could just sit in that plush armchair with his arms around Brooke forever. She had seemed so at ease in that cabin. So calm. And he had needed that so much because they had all been so broken after the shooting. She had felt so small all cuddled up in his big hooded sweatshirt and he remembers holding her tighter when the others got up and got ready to go to bed.

"_Don't get up…"_

_She sighed happily and rested against him. "Aren't you tired?"_

"_No."_

_He shook his head and kissed her temple, then her cheek and then her neck. She giggled but lent her head a little more to the side, letting him have even more of her cream colored skin._

"_Stay up with me?" he whispered while continuing to kiss her softly and she nodded. _

_They stayed like that for at least ten minutes, her seated between his legs, wrapped up in his arms and seemingly content with him placing soft kisses up and down her exposed neck. But then she turned._

"_I have an idea…" she whispered and the gleam in her eyes twinkled even brighter. She grabbed his hand and pulled him with her as she got out of the armchair, and he shivered slightly at the loss of her warm body on top of his._

"_Where are we going?"_

"_Hush… just come on…"_

_She dragged him with her out into the kitchen, and as they passed his brother in the hallway he mumbled a "Night Nathan…" on the way. Nathan just smiled and shook his head, probably still laughing on the inside at Brooke's antics earlier when trying to get Haley's ring, and went up the stairs to join his wife._

_Brooke didn't even turn on the kitchen light, she just opened a cupboard and brought out two glasses, then she took a bottle from the wine-rack and examined it in the pale moonlight from the window._

"_You like red?" she whispered smiling and he couldn't stop himself from kissing her._

"_It's my favorite color… you know that…at least on you." _

_She rolled her eyes as if he was being stupid but kissed him back before going back to examining the bottle._

"_This is a -96 Tiganello… Rachel's parents have great taste…" _

_Having no idea what she talked about he just grabbed a corkscrew out of the top drawer behind him and snaked his arms around her waist under her sweater. Her skin felt hot under his hands and he caressed her toned tummy._

"_Lets go back into the living room…"_

_They tiptoed through the dark house and listened to the muffled sounds from upstairs signaling that their friends were all going to bed. And while he put some more chunks of wood on the fire, Brooke put the glasses and the bottle down on the mantelpiece. He watched her get a couple of blankets and cushions from the couch and laid them out on the floor. Then she took the two steps over to him and grabbed the hem of his shirt._

"_Take this off…"_

_He let her strip him of his shirt and smiled as he watched her do the same with her own sweater. Her skin glistened in the light from the fire and he ran his hands over her upper body in pure adoration._

"_You look beautiful Brooke." _

_She shivered under his touch and leaned up to kiss him. And the feel of her tongue against his own made him pull her down with him until they were both sprawled comfortably on the blankets._

_She sat straddled over his lap and with somewhat shaking hands he poured the red wine into the two glasses before handing one to her._

_Her eyes told him to taste the liquid and once he did, her lips was back on his, mixing the full taste of the wine with the wonderful taste of her._

_This wasn't the usual way they did this. The way she touched him was so much slower and gentler then she usually did when she wanted him, yet her eyes told him that she wanted more than kissing. And when she put her glass down, he did the same._

"_Make love to me?" she whispered. _

"_Here?"_

_For a second he thought about what would happen if the others came down to get a glass of water or to see why they hadn't gone upstairs, but then he succumbed to the feel of her caressing hands._

"_Yes… here, in front of the fire…"_

_He kissed her peach-soft neck again and whispered:_

"_I could marry you…"_

Brooke stirs beside him and he pulls her closer. It's way past midnight and he should be sleeping, but he can't.

He can't stop thinking about that weekend, because three times that weekend he had really meant that half-hazy comment. And he can't even count the times he thought about it since.

He could marry her. He would marry her.

Or at least he _wants_ to.

He has no idea at all what the beautiful brunette next to him wants, because her facial expression when he accidentally said that he wanted them to say 'Brooke Scott' at the doctor's office had been both confused and a little hesitant.

He moves a little and Brooke sighs.

"Go to sleep Broody… seriously… your tossing and turning makes me insane…"

He can't help but to chuckle and she clamps a hand over his mouth and pulls his head closer to hers.

"Shut up… sleep…"

Her breath is warm and he kisses the tip of her nose before finally closing his eyes.

No stress, right?

They had all the time in the world. Ten more days before the arrival of their daughter. Then college, and life…

He pulls her closer, so close that he can feel her heart beating against his skin. And he knows she'll start complaining soon because of the heat, but he takes his chances. Just because he loves the soft thumping feel so much.

_So listen with all your heart  
Hold it inside forever  
You may find all your dreams have already come true  
Look inside and find the part that's leading you  
'Cause that's the beat of  
Oh it's the sweetest sound,  
'Cause that's the beat of a heart_

----

**Author's note**: A huge thank you to Ellie, who during the last weeks have listened to constant whining from me. The same goes for my precious Emma. (Love you both).

And as usual, great thanks to Cami and Casey for being my girls. And to Daniel for reviews that always have me striving to write better. Thank you to all my FF-girls and to each and every one of you who take time to review this ridiculously long story.

You all have been a big part of making 2007 a great year for me. Hopefully I'll bring you even better stories in 2008.

/Lynn


	36. How Bad Do You Want It?

**Author's note**: This chapter should have been posted a couple of days ago. But a scene in this has been bugging the living hell out of me and I rewrote it like a million times. A big thanks to Cas, for helping me with that scene, and to Hil, who gave me valuable pointers and found me the song. For all of you that reviewed, all 47 of you, I'm forever grateful. I'm sorry that I don't have time to do personal thank you's this time… I know, I suck. But know that I love you all.

The lyrics and title of this chapter comes from the song with the same name by Tim McGraw.

-

* * *

**CHAPTER 36 – How Bad Do You Want It?**

_Are you eating, sleeping, dreaming  
With that one thing on your mind?_

_How bad do you want it?_

August 3rd comes and goes and on August 7th, four days after her actual due-date, Brooke seems ready to crawl out of her own skin. For every day she gets more and more feisty and the mood-swings begin to feel like a regular roller-coaster for everyone around her. And it's not that Lucas doesn't feel bad for her. With temperatures of well above 90 degrees the summer heat makes it hard for her. Her feet are so swollen that any other shoes than flip-flops are out of the question and she still has trouble getting any sleep at night.

Still her unstable mood is starting to drive him crazy and he, as much as everybody else, just wishes that the baby would come. But Emma, his unborn daughter, doesn't seem to agree.

Today he has successfully managed to stay out Brooke's way for the entire morning by hanging out at the Rivercourt with Fergie, Skills and Junk. But his conscience finally take over, telling him that she can't help it that she's a little bitchy right now, and by lunch-time he's now back home.

He finds Brooke in their bedroom in front of the computer and she looks to be in deep concentration. The fan on the desk is cranked up to maximum speed and still she wears nothing but a pair of small shorts and her bikini-top.

"What are you doing baby?" he asks carefully, kind of testing what mood she's in for the moment.

"I'm trying to find a way to get this freaking kid out of me before Christmas!"

She sounds irritated and maybe it's stupid to keep going but he has to ask; "On Google?"

"Why not?! I've looked in all the books and magazines that your mom has about pregnancies but they said nothing about it…"

She types away a few commands on the computer-keyboard and he leans in and reads over her shoulder.

"Dance yourself into labor? The wasabi-way?! …Come on Brooke, you can't be serious?"

His girlfriend just sighs and leans back against the back of the chair. She rubs a spot on the side of her belly and hisses; "For the last time! Stop kicking me!"

She looks really tired. The last few nights has been tough on her with the summer heat-wave and little Keith's constant crying, and more than ever Lucas wishes that there was something he could do to make it a little easier on her.

"Do you want me to give you a backrub?" he asks softly but Brooke just sternly shakes her head.

"No. What I want you to do is to help me get this god forsaken baby out of me! Now!"

She looks serious. Not angry really, even though she sounds like she is. More as if she's frustrated and fed up.

He sighs and reaches for the phone and she follows his movements curiously as he dials the number he by now knows by heart. As the signals sound she asks him who he's calling and he hushes her silent. And then Brooke's OB-gyn answers.

"Hi Mr. Shandwick" he says and clears his throat. "This is Lucas Scott. Brooke and I would like to come in and talk to you about inducing labor…"

By the time he hangs up Brooke is smiling like a kid on Christmas morning and she gets out of the chair amazingly fast for someone that should have given birth several days ago.

"Have I told you how much I love you?" she purrs and slings her arms around his neck.

He smiles. "No, but tell me after we've been to see the doctor. I bet you'll love me even more then…"

--

Two hours later they're back at home again and if Brooke is to guess, then she'd say that her blond boyfriend feels no love from her at all. Her mood is worse than ever and she simply stomps into the bedroom.

Lucas lets her walk off and stays in the living room, probably thinking that she needs time to cool off, and she does. And as she slams the bedroom door shut she's glad that Karen has taken little Keith to go see Royal and May because if Lucas' mom saw how she acted right now, she'd probably be disappointed.

She sits down on the bed and when she hears the doorbell, she silently curses. She shouldn't have told anyone the reason why she and Lucas had gone in to see the doctor, because now people were going to think she had great news. But she had just been so exited, and her high expectations of the doctor's visit had kind of had her going overboard a little.

Minutes later Lucas comes into the room, followed by a whole bunch of their friends. Haley and Nathan, both carrying a baby, Rachel who seems to come straight from the beach, and then lastly Jake. They all greet her happily but she doesn't even look up.

She's feeling more and more like a whale for every day that passes, and as Nathan sits down on the chair and lovingly says "Hey fatso..." she just glares at him.

Haley puts down a big take-away cup in front of her.

"I brought you an ice-latte to cool you down. How did it go, hun?"

She's still pouting, not wanting to talk about their crappy experience at the doctor's, and instead Lucas is the one that answers.

"No change. Brooke is nowhere closer to giving birth than she was last week... And they don't want to induce her. At least not until next week. Apparently it's best if it starts naturally…"

Rachel sighs and jumps up to sit on the desk, and in a way the action annoys her, because the possibility that she could ever just 'jump' up like that with this huge belly is slim next to none. And lately it feels like her body will never go back to normal.

"I wouldn't sit on that if I were you Rach" she mutters bitterly. "It'll just break under your fat ass and then Karen is gonna come after you."

Lucas frowns at her behaviour, looking at her as if he thinks she's being childish, but Rachel just laughs it off.

"Hah! I understand that its hard being as heavy as you are at the moment Brookie... But there's no use being a bitch. Your ass has always been bigger than mine, pregnant or not. Just admit that you're in a foul mood because the damn baby won't come out."

"No I'm not!" she bites back, even more annoyed that Rachel knows her so well. "I just don't want you to break Karen's furniture."

Lucas comes over and stands behind her, rubbing her shoulders gently to calm her while whispering; "Lay off it Brooke... you know she's right..."

And his comment makes her let out an irritated sigh. "How come all of you keep telling me how I feel and what I'm doing wrong? If you're all so damn smart, then why not help me come up with a _solution_for this, huh?"

Her voice is harsh and all of her friends look a little surprised by her sudden outburst. Only Lucas seems calm as he keeps rubbing her shoulders in circular motions. He's used to this by now.

Haley watches her with sympathy written all over her face and it all becomes too much. She should have had her baby days ago. She should be sitting here with a newborn baby on her arm, in normal clothes, not sit here like a freaking whale wearing a tent, and sweating in the summer-heat.

"Okay you're right Rachel!" she angrily bursts out, now with her bottom lip trembling. "I HATE this, okay? I'm tired of being pregnant and I fucking _hate_ you for looking perfect in that slutty bikini. But you don't have to rub it in my face, alright?!"

Now Rachel looks seriously hurt. The redhead opens and closes her mouth as if she had wanted to say something but then decided against it, and Lucas' hands stop.

"Brooke" he says to get her attention, and she looks up at him, already feeling guilty. The look in his eyes holds nothing but love, but she still knows she is being unfair. Neither he nor anyone else of her friends is responsible for this situation, and being mean doesn't help her at all.

"I'm sorry..." she whispers, and he bends down and kisses her. She still feels like crying though and he sees it.

"The baby will come soon. It's just taking a little longer than we thought, okay?"

"But I want it to come now..." she whines. "Why can't it just come out?"

Haley gives James to Nathan and comes over to her, squatting next to her chair.

"Hunnie" she says softly. "Don't be sad... Maybe we can all sit down and try to think of a way to get the labor started. Maybe there's a natural way to induce this?"

"I bet if you two just did what you usually do, it'll happen right away..." Rachel giggles, suddenly back to a more happy demeanour. "Just keep screwing like rabbits and the baby will pop right out!"

She can't help but smile. Count on Rachel to always think of sex, but Lucas huffs behind her. "Uhm, Rach... I don't think that's the best way. Brooke is supposed to take it easy."

"Yeah, but if you would just give her a really awesome orgasm, then..."

Haley blushes and Lucas interrupts; "No Rachel."

They all go back to silence. Rachel pouts but everybody else seems deep in thought, and then Haley says;

"I heard there's some special tea that's supposed to speed things up... I think its raspberry..."

Jake shakes his head. "Nope, Niki tried that, it doesn't work. But I heard that you can run up and down stairs."

Hopeful, she looks up at Lucas. Stairs is good. There's plenty of stairs around. But her blond brooding boyfriend looks stern. "Hell no, Jake. What if she falls, huh? Brooke can hardly put her shoes on herself..."

"But..."

"No Brooke."

God, why was he being so overprotective? She looks at Haley for help but a confused Nathan butts in.

"Why don't you just push?" he asks, shrugging his shoulders with one baby on each arm. "I mean, that's what you're supposed to do later anyway, right? Just push really hard and maybe that'll get things started..."

She just rolls her eyes at this, but when she thinks about it then maybe it isn't that stupid. So she tries. Squints and pushes the hardest she can, until Lucas sees what she's doing.

"Brooke! Don't do that!"

"Why not?!" she snaps back. "Come up with a better idea then!"

His face softens again and he really seems to think, and when Haley says; "Long walks are good I've heard", he quickly agrees.

"Walks! Walks are good. We can walk all you like baby."

"I still say sex is the key. If you wanna get it on right now, then we can just wait in the other room."

"Or play a really hard game of basketball…"

"I say try the tea…"

She keeps switching her attention from one person to the other, all of them exited now to get their own point across, and she nods to all the suggestions they're coming up with. Especially Rachel's. At least sex was fun.

But Lucas finally seems to get enough, because he interrupts them all with one final and stern "No!" and when they all fall silent again he sighs.

"Listen" he says and pulls his hand through his hair tiredly. "It's been a long day and both Brooke and I need some quiet time. Why don't we all just meet up and hang out later? And we can all try to come up with a little more realistic option until then."

Haley nods and takes Joshua from Nathan. "Sure Luke. And Brooke, don't worry. It'll be okay. We'll think of something."

She ushers Nathan on by pushing him lightly and when they start leaving Jake follows too. Rachel shrugs and finally hops off the desk. And when she passes Brooke she whispers; "Call me and tell me how the sex was."

Lucas gives her a last look of death and then the redhead disappears out with the rest.

Brooke leans back in the chair and rubs the side of her belly. And watching her boyfriend massage his temples she realizes that this is eating away at his energy as well. He must be so tired of her constant whining but he hasn't complained once.

"Come here…" she says and pats the bed beside her and he instantly looks worried.

"Not now Brooke… please? I mean it; it scares me to sleep with you right now. I don't want _that_ to be the reason that your water breaks…"

But she pulls him down to sit beside her anyways and laughs. He's so cute when he worries like this. And she really doesn't understand why he's so bothered by the sex-issue. Wouldn't that be a great story to tell Emma when she was older? That she was finally born because her daddy was so amazingly great in bed…"

"Just cuddle?" she says and flutters her eyelashes, and when he still hesitates, she pulls out the old pout-trick. Jutting her bottom lip out and looking at him with big innocent eyes.

"Not the pout…" he mumbles and pulls her to him. "You know that I can't say no to that."

And as he kisses her, and his teeth softly tug at her lip that's still in pout-mode, she smiles. Of course she knows, why else would she ever do it?

-

His hands roam Brooke's naked skin and he realizes that he has no clue how this happened. One moment she was tricking him with pouty lips and beautiful innocent eyes. And now she's moaning naked beneath him with that huskiness in her voice that always has him going on overdrive.

He still has his boxers on but that's about it, and when she pulls at them he freaks out and pulls back.

"Wow Brooke, hold on… this was not the deal… just… don't do that…"

Her hands are dangerously close to making him lose his head totally, her fingers now dipping under the boxer-shorts elastic waistband, and he involuntarily moans.

"See…" she whispers with her wonderful raspy voice in his ear. "You like it…"

Of course he likes it. There isn't a single fiber of his being that doesn't like this. Her lips and hands make it impossible for him to think straight and he meets her kisses with a hunger equal to hers. Why was it that all the books he had read about pregnancies said that girls often lost their appetite for sex when pregnant? Brooke certainly hadn't…

"At least let's go slow" he breathes and pins her arms over her head so that she can't touch him and make all this turn into even more frenzied passion. "At least just let's take it easy…"

She nods, but then another moan slips from her and there's a dangerous twinkle in her eyes.

He lowers his head and attacks her neck with open-mouthed kisses, already knowing he's losing the battle.

Again.

-

"I knew she'd get you" Rachel laughs an hour later when she arrives into the house just on time to bump into him as he comes out of the bathroom with a towel draped around his hips.

"So is she in labor? Did it work?"

He just huffs grumpily and nods towards the livingroom where Brooke lounges on the couch eating a sandwich.

"Thank god, no."

"So it can't have been that good then, right?"

He just rolls his eyes at the stubborn redhead and walks towards his bedroom to get some clothes, and he can still hear her when she talks to his girlfriend.

"What's wrong? Didn't you come? Was that it? I thought you said Lucas was good in bed…"

Brooke laughs in the distance and at first he frowns, but then she says "Rachel, cut it out okay… Lucas is the _best_ I ever had, undoubtedly. I guess it just didn't work… Now move your fat ass away from the TV. I wanna watch this."

He smiles. The best, huh? At least _that's_ nice to know.

-

The next day they have lunch at Nathan and Haley's house with Jake and Peyton. Brooke tries really hard to behave better than she had yesterday but it's hard. And it doesn't get better with Peyton sitting right across from her, trying to come up with advice.

As said before, she likes the fact that she can actually hang out with the blonde girl nowadays, but since Jake came back into Peyton's life the girl seemed to think she knew it all about babies and everything surrounding that subject, just because of the time she had spent with Jennie.

And to be honest, Peyton probably did know better about babies and what they needed. Hell, they all probably knew that better than her, but none of them had been so pregnant that it felt like they would burst at any second. And none of them had a baby stuck inside that refused to come out.

Maybe Jake sees her frustration because he puts his hand over Peyton's on the table to kind of silence her, and then he smiles.

"Hey Brookie…" he whispers just loud enough for her and Peyton to hear. "I have an idea…"

Five minutes later Peyton does her best interpretation of faking a panic attack over her rapidly progressing relationship with Jake. Lucas, Nathan and Haley do their best to calm her, and during the chaos Jake grabs Brooke's hand and pulls her with him out back.

She giggles and they reach the stairs.

"Now you run up and down. I'll be right behind you."

She laughs loudly now, because Jake looks like a happy kid on Christmas, eyes full of mischief. And she does what he says. Starts going as fast as she can, even though 'running' might be exaggerating since she feels as though she's big as a house. After just being at it for a couple of minutes she feels like she's been running a mile, and then she suddenly hears Lucas' voice.

"What the _hell_ are you guys doing?"

Crap.

"Uhm… we… I mean I was just…"

She looks up at Lucas, feeling slightly guilty once she sees the worry in his eyes, but he turns to Jake instead.

"Are you fucking crazy? Huh? Didn't I tell you yesterday that I really didn't want her to do this? What if Brooke would've tripped?"

Jake hangs his head, looking guilty as well.

"I just wanted to help, man… Brooke helped me out with Peyton and I… I just wanted to…"

"Yeah, whatever. Just don't give a shit about what I think. Why don't you try your idea next, Nathan? I bet Brooke would like to go a quick one on one with you down at the River court."

She sighs and glances apologetically towards Jake and Nathan, before treating Peyton to a half-smile. At least they had tried. And twenty minutes later, when she sits comfortably rested against Lucas' chest in the living room couch back home, she reaches up and rubs her boyfriend's cheek.

"Luke, don't be mad at Jake and Peyton… they just want to help out…"

He's the one sighing now, even pulling away slightly from her hand.

"I know they are… But can't you see that I'm worried? I don't want anything to happen to you Brooke. You heard what the doctor said yesterday. It's better if it happens on its own. You're not supposed to force these things."

Guiltily, she nods. Maybe he's right. But then what the hell should she do? She has to get the baby out somehow.

-

It takes a couple of more hours and then Lucas is officially driving her mad. Utterly and completely insane. So at eight o'clock she tells him to go do something other than to stalk her around the house. Play ball, go for a jog or maybe even… Yes!_That's it_!

"Baby…" she says and caresses the nape of her boyfriend's neck as they sit on the hammock out back. "Why don't you go let off some steam? You and Nathan should go out with the boys. Grab a couple of beers… Get really drunk…"

Just as she expects Lucas instantly shakes his head but she sticks with it. Flutters her eyelashes and tries to be as cute and reassuring as possible.

"I'll be fine, really. I'll just stay with your mom and baby Keith. Karen and I have been talking about working on our scrapbooks for weeks and who knows when I'll get time to do that once Emma is here? And it's been so long since you had a night out with the guys."

He seems a little sceptical towards her sudden change of demeanor but as usual she wins him over in the end. And at nine she waves him off to a night at Blue Post with his brother.

It's evil, but once she closes the door behind him, she actually breathes out. The worried and over-protective side of Lucas can be very tiresome. Karen sees her sigh out and actually laughs.

"A little too much Lucas-time today?"

She rolls her eyes and laughs too.

"Oh my god Karen… you have no idea…"

-

It's been forever since Lucas was at a bar and even longer since he went to the Blue Post. And what had first seemed as a stupid idea, one that he just went along with to please his hormonal pretty girl, now actually seems to be fun.

Nathan had been happy to have an all guys night and they had gotten both Skills and Fergie to come along as well. Now they're all seated on the barstools lining the bar and they're all clutching their second cold beer. And he feels horrible in a way when he hears himself say:

"God, I really needed to get away from Brooke…"

Nathan laughs loudly and chunks down the Heineken in deep gulps.

"Man, I never thought that you'd admit it. Brooke has been a major pain in the ass the last week."

"Yeah, I know…"

He takes a sip of his own beer and leans against his elbows. "She can't help it though. She's so tired of being pregnant. And I know she's really nervous about the delivery."

It's weird to sit in a bar, filled with college-students and drunk truck drivers and talk about the fact that he's soon becoming a father, but the guys doesn't seem to mind. They probably know that he needs it. Hell, they've spent time around Brooke lately too.

Skills nods seriously and mutters: "Hell, I'm not blaming her, man… that shit's gotta hurt… bad…"

He knows this. And he can't help but answer that he'll be happy one the delivery is over. When he does both Skills and Fergie nods again, but Nathan is the only one making a funny face.

"You should know though, that Brooke's mood will only get worse after she's had the baby. Bro, I'm telling you…you have a _fun_ couple of months to look forward to."

Nathan chuckles sarcastically and he feels confused.

"Worse mood? What do you mean?"

"Brooke wants to be hot, right?" Nathan asks with an eyebrow raised. "Nice outfits, great shoes… hair all shiny and perfect? Yeah… try convincing her that she looks beautiful when she's just given birth, she has breastmilk and baby-puke all over her shirt and she's a hell of a lot more tired than she is now… Believe me Luke, its freakin' impossible…"

Another sip of the beer and he's starting to _not_ like the direction this conversation is taking, especially when his brother ads: "It's hard with Haley, and you know that she's not even half as concerned with her looks as Brooke is."

The worst part is that what Nathan says makes perfect sense. He's even noticed it on his mother, the way she seems so tired and worn, not even having time to get out of her pj's on days when his baby brother is extra cranky.

"Oh, and then there's the complete lack of sex of course" Nathan smirks, seemingly almost satisfied with his own statement. "You might have been blessed with a horny girlfriend up until now but that'll change, I'm sure. Haley had a c-section and she's still not letting me… yeah, you know…"

He blinks. "And Brooke is pushing a 8 pound baby out through…"

Nathan doesn't get any further because he stops him with a frantic wave of the hand. He's feeling scared now, because up until now he hasn't really pictured the baby coming out _that_ way.

"Enough, alright? I get it" he mumbles. "No sex."

Nathan laughs again but he just lets out a nervous sigh. Then he downs the rest of the beer in one go and orders a third one.

-

_Are you hungry?  
Are you thirsty?  
Is it a fire that burns you up inside?_

_How bad do you want it?_

It's eleven o'clock and Brooke knows that she's annoying the life out of her boyfriend's mother. She knows this because Karen has been trying to go to bed for an hour, but she just keeps talking and talking, knowing that she's going to be bored out of her mind when Karen goes to sleep.

"See, then I tried running up and down the stairs" she keeps yapping when Karen yawns for the forth time. "But it didn't work. I mean, Jake just wanted to help… And your son, being the cautious person that he is, got all mental… You should have seen him, Karen. One could have thought I was trying to perform a c-section on myself or something."

She sighs and rolls her eyes for extra effect and Karen laughs. The response is all that she needs to keep going. "You see Karen… that is what's wrong with soon to be fathers these days... they're so over-protective. Lucas is even scared of having sex with me!"

Karen blushes slightly and clears her throat.

"Well, he's a little worried probably…"

"Why? I'm not sick. I'm just pregnant… and all these hormones keep making me want to do _it_ all around the clock."

Karen blushes even more and stays quiet.

She has realized by now that convincing Lucas to go out with Nathan might have been a bit hasty, because now she suddenly wants him home. Even if he would probably freak out if she tried making out with him again, the prospect of having him entertain her would sure beat staying up alone, watching reruns of Sex and the City.

But it seems to be her only choice. Karen is yawning again already and since Emma constantly pushes against her ribcage, sleep is nowhere in sight.

In a last effort to keep Karen awake, she start reciting Rachel's idea of getting Chase to sleep with her by using role-play but now Karen looks horrified.

"Thank you sweetie, but that is enough. I really don't need that mental picture…"

She laughs at Karen's facial expression, but when she notices her putting away the scrap-book stuff, her laugh turns into a pout.

"But Kaaaren…" she whines. "I don't want to stay up alone…"

She gets no response this time and she pouts more, because this night is really not going her way at all. Lucas is out drinking and having fun and Karen is about to ditch her as well. Although, come to think of it, Karen really looks tired… and without thinking she takes a good look at the woman in front of her and says "You know, you really need to get out more Karen. You're starting to age…"

It takes her about half a second to realize that she has just severely put her foot in her mouth, and Karen looks at her and glares. Apologetically she makes a scrunched face and whispers "Hormones…" in an effort to smooth things over a bit.

But Karen sighs deeply before mumbling: "Alright, this baby has to come out now! For the sake of world peace…"

Then Lucas' mother gets up and walks over to the refrigerator. Curiously and somewhat nervously she follows Karen's movements, and she can't help but look a little dumbstruck when the older woman puts down a bottle of Tabasco in front of her.

"Brooke, hunnie… If Lucas asks, you did not hear this from me. But let's just say that Lucas didn't want to come out on time either… and I convinced him that it was time by spoon-feeding myself some of that."

Karen wiggles her eyebrow in the direction of the bottle but she just looks at Karen and shakes her head incredulously.

"No way… Crazy much? I'm not drinking that!"

Karen however looks very serious.

"Listen Brooke… You're hormonal and cranky and… well, apparently horny too. Everything is tough right now and… and I understand sweetie, I really do. I mean I was _just_ pregnant myself, remember? And I really don't want to be mean when I say this, but I think we're all _very_ tired of your mood-swings by now… Too tired…"

With a final sigh and a warm and caring smile, the older woman that she feels connected to in so many ways, unscrews the bottle's lid and puts it down and puts it down next to the bottle.

"Do as you please, Brooke, but if I were you I'd drink some of this. I assure you that it works a lot better than running in stairs…"

Karen points towards the bottle again but she just shuts her mouth tightly and shakes her head.

"Fine, have it your way" Karen smiles gently one more time and rubs her back soothingly. "Good night, hun. I'll see you in the morning."

Then Lucas' mother leaves the room. And she just sits there for a while eyeing the bottle on the table in front of her. It sounds like a freaking ridiculous idea, actually drinking Tabasco, but Karen had said that it made her go into labor when expecting Lucas, so it should work right? And wasn't that what she wanted? To go into labor?

Slowly she reaches out for the hot sauce and turns the bottle in her hand. She remembers one time in Junior year when she made Vegas drink shots of this mixed with tequila and he had survived so…

She might as well try it. She _had_ after all tried everything else.

Closing her eyes and talking a deep breath, she lifts the bottle to her mouth and takes a swig. It tastes kind of tomato-like and surprised that it's not more spicy she takes a bigger one. And that's when her entire insides start burning.

She swallows out of pure surprise and starts fanning her mouth frantically. She starts coughing and then her eyes tear up as well.

Wow, maybe this wasn't so smart after all…

-

It's close to 2am when Lucas comes home. He stumbles into the hallway and tries to be as silent as possible when he kicks off his sneakers, but his balance is off and he grabs for the wall, bringing down half the rack of coats. Cursing silently he decides that he can clean it up in the morning. He's not in the best shape to do it now anyway.

He had no intention of getting this drunk. When Brooke suggested that he'd spend the night with Nathan in a bar he had just figured that they'd grab a beer or maybe two, and then be home again before midnight. But then, after Nathan started with all the stories about tiny babies that couldn't do anything for themselves and about Haley being all depressed half the time, he simply freaked out at the concept of being a father and kept the drinks coming.

Before midnight he was already drunk, and now, two hours later, he sure isn't the tiniest bit more sober.

Silently he tiptoes into the kitchen to get a glass of water before going to bed and when he flicks the light on he doesn't even have the time to think before he hears himself yell;

"Oh my god Brooke! Is it time? Is the baby coming?!"

His heart is almost on a stand-still in his chest because his girlfriend is sitting on the floor with her back leaned against the fridge and the wet puddle surrounding her on the floor _has_ to be her water that has broken.

He rushes to her side and he rambles on and on, without giving her a chance to cut in. Why the hell had he drunken himself into a stupor? Now he wouldn't be able to drive her to the hospital. Should he call an ambulance? A cab?

"Are you in pain, baby? Why didn't you wake my mom up? Why didn't you call?"

His voice is slurry and if he doesn't concentrate and squint a little then Brooke's form divides and becomes two. She however looks back at him as if he's crazy and even in his drunken state he recognizes the irritation on her face. She opens her mouth and he prepares himself for the scolding that has been almost a daily habit lately; the one where she said he was being overprotective and ridiculous for worrying. But instead she mutters:

"What the hell are you rambling about, Luke?"

Confused and wobbling a little, he points to the puddle she's sitting in.

"Your… your water broke…"

Brooke angrily shakes her head. "I wish! But I'm not that lucky, okay?"

He might by in an intoxicated state, but he bets that even if he was sober, he would still not understand what was going on here.

"Then why is the floor wet?"

She lifts an enormous glass from the floor beside her and mutters: "I spilled, alright? I was so thirsty and so tired so I decided that I'd sit down here while I drank the water. And then I accidentally spilled it out and couldn't get up…"

She glares at him, looking angry but at the same time embarrassed. And extremely cute.

"Because of the belly?" he asks gently, even though on the inside he's laughing his ass off. The worry is lessening by the second now that he knows that she's not in labor. And when she hisses that none of this is funny and that she'll literally smack him in the face if he doesn't help her up, the inwardly giggle turns into a fullblown attack of laughter.

"This is hilarious" he gets out. "How long have you been sitting here?"

But Brooke doesn't have the time to answer because right then Karen appears in the doorway.

"What is going on in here?!"

His mother sounds angry too and she gives him a disapproving look when she sees him sway drunkenly. Brooke rolls her eyes from her spot on the floor.

"Lucas though I was in labor and freaked out. As usual!"

She holds out her hand to him and with his help she finally pulls herself up from the floor with great effort. Her clothes are soaked and he tries to pull her in for a hug which she refuses. It's not until coming home and seeing her that he realizes that he doesn't care about Nathan's horror-stories. Sure, the next couple of months would probably be rough, but so what? They had each other and between them they should be able to handle both school and a screaming infant.

After all, he has the world's most amazing girlfriend. And even if she's a bitch at the moment and a complete pain in the ass, he still feels like the luckiest guy on the planet.

"I love you…" he slurs, grabbing for Brooke again and completely ignoring his mother. But Karen just sighs tiredly.

"I never thought I'd even think this, but right now, right in this very moment I can't wait for the peace and quiet when you two crazy kids to off to college…"

He notices that Brooke looks at Karen apologetically and he tries to shoot off a winning smile in his mother's direction as well.

"I'll clean up the water mom" he says, "Don't worry…"

And now it's his mother's turn to look amused.

"Luke, you smell like a brewery. Go brush your teeth and go straight to bed. You, Brooke, you go change those clothes and then you follow Lucas. I don't want to hear one more sound from your bedroom tonight, understood?"

Brooke mumbles a silent "Yes Karen" and he chuckles. He's eighteen years old, rather drunk and about to be a father any day now, and still his mother sends him to bed as if he's still a small child. She must be reading his mind because she leans up and kisses his forehead.

"You'll be grown up soon enough…" she whispers. "But you'll always be my little boy. Now go to sleep."

"Okay mom" he whispers back and gives her a squeeze. "I love you."

He does. Strangely enough more than ever in this moment. His mother has always been his rock and safe haven. She has sacrificed so much for him and lately he has realized that he wouldn't even be half the person he is if it wasn't for her. Without his mother he wouldn't stand here today, watching his pregnant girlfriend wobble into their bedroom. Because without her guidance he wouldn't have had the maturity and the strength to persuade Brooke into doing this with him. To keep their baby and to trust him.

"You know that, right?" he articulates a little more clearly, "that I love you, I mean."

His mother nods and smiles.

"I know, son. And I love you too. I love you and Brooke and my unborn granddaughter. But if you don't go to sleep right now, I will give you your very first ass-whopping. Okay?"

He laughs all the way into the bathroom and five minutes later he crawls into bed next to Brooke and she lets him snuggle against her.

"Ew…" she mutters "You smell like beer…"

But it can't be that bad because seconds later she kisses him, snuggling even closer. He roams the inside of her mouth with his tongue for a moment or two, but then he pulls back and has to ask.

"Ehm… baby, why do you taste like Tabasco?"

She pouts and rolls her eyes.

"It's all your mom's fault! Do you know what she did to me? She…"

He wants to listen, he really does. But even before his beautiful girlfriend finishes the sentence his eyes are closing and he drifts off to sleep.

-

They all sleep in on Sunday morning and when he finally gathers the strength to open his eyes it's almost lunchtime. He has a pounding hangover which he instantly blames his brother for, and al he wants is another calm hour in bed with Brooke.

Brooke however is restless and irritable and shuns both his touch and even company. He tries to entertain her but nothing is working and at five o'clock in the evening Brooke finally agrees to go for a walk. She's testy and he feels helpless and the thought of at least getting out of the house even for just a little while seems better than staying indoors and possible getting her even more irritated.

Rachel and Mouth walk in through the door in the kitchen at the same time that they're about to leave and they decide to all go together.

"Nathan and Haley are at home with the twins" Mouth says and pats Brooke's shoulder empathically. "We can head over there and try to think of a good plan…"

Brooke just huffs and puts her feet into her flipflops. And then she walks out through the open door and he silently follows. She waddles down the porch-steps and the second she sets her foot on the grass, he hears her go "Uh-oh…"

"What Brooke?" he mumbles, feeling so tired that he could probably fall asleep while standing up. But then he hears both Rachel and Mouth gasp.

"What the _hell_ is that Brooke?" Rachel breathes and points, and he follows her gaze. Brooke looks equally stunned, and as he watches the liquid gushing out of her, he hears her mumble:

"I think my water just broke…"

-

"This is insane…" she mumbles while her brain tries to grasp what is happening. As soon as they walk out the door, like right when they take ONE STEP onto the porch or whatever, her water breaks. And Lucas looks at her as if he just feels like screaming.

Actually he does.

"I TOLD YOU SO" he yells half hysterically. "I told you that a walk was the best option. But did you listen to me?! NO!"

She just stands there with a laugh bubbling in her chest and water dripping out of her, and she watches her boyfriend run back into the house and yell stuff to his mother, who he seems to have forgotten isn't even at home.

"Would you grab my bag?" she asks Mouth silently and nods towards the door. "Lucas put it in the hallway days ago but I'll bet he's in there looking for it as we speak."

Mouth laughs and goes in to get it. And suddenly she grasps for Rachel's hand and breathes in between clenched teeth. Because suddenly the tiny cramps from before is a hell of a lot stronger.

Although still not as bad as she would have thought. If this was as painful as it got, then bring it on. She could certainly get through a couple of hours of this.

But even so, this is ridiculous. She's tried _everything_ the last couple of days. Everything from running in stairs to gulping down freaking Tabasco, and the only thing she needed to do was go for a walk? God, Haley will _never_ let her forget this…

Lucas comes out again, followed by a still giggling Mouth, but Lucas is not giggling, not at all. He looks pale as he takes the quick steps down to the lawn and he grabs her shoulders with shaking hands.

"Are you okay pretty girl? Is it painful? Should I call an ambulance? Do you want me to carry you?"

She smiles.

"Breathe Luke."

He tries to open the car door for her and help her inside but he can't get the door open, and she leans a little towards him. "Are you nervous, babe?" she asks and he nods silently.

It's probably the understatement of the year. He seems a lot more than a little nervous. As he tries to get the handle to work she notices how his hands tremble.

"Are you sure you're okay Brooke?" he gets out and pulls in a deep breath. And now she laughs.

"I'm okay Broody. But are _you_?"

He's growing paler by the minute and she's getting worried that he'll start hyperventilating. He finally gets the door open and moves to help her inside, but instead she wraps her arms around his neck.

"You know what" she whispers. "You need to breathe… and I need a pair of shorts that aren't soaked with our baby's swimming water…"

He closes his eyes and takes another shaky breath.

"So… what Brooke? You… you want me to get you a change of clothes?"

"No."

A soft kiss and he relaxes a tiny bit more. The pain in her lower back is returning and she wants him out of the way before she cringes, so that he won't get even more nervous.

"Mouth, give Lucas some coffee while I change. And Rachel, could you come with me?"

Lucas looks skeptical at best, and she realizes that her redheaded friend wears a matching scared expression.

"But what about the baby?"

"Lucas…" she cups his cheek and kisses him again to take her mind of the dull cramp that keeps spreading to her belly. "If she has been dead set on not coming out for the last 5 days, don't you think she could wait while I change into a pair of pants that wont get the whole car wet?"

She doesn't wait for his response. She just heads back into the house and once she's out of view she grabs the wall and lets out a deep breath. Shit, these contraction things kind of hurt, didn't they?

Rachel follows close behind her.

"What do you want me to do Brooke?"

"Just call Haley and ask her if she wants to come to the hospital… and then grab me my red shorts. I'm gonna go take a shower."

-

Lucas slips into the driver's seat and on the third try he finally gets the key into the ignition. He turns it and the car starts up. Still, he can't help but wonder how the hell he's going to be able to drive.

Brooke sits in the front seat next to him while Rachel and Mouth are crammed in the backseat with the bags. He has no clue what Brooke has packed but it sure seems to be half the house. She is showered and changed and she looks calm, but the lines on her forehead and the way she keeps squinting, tells him she's in pain.

"Brooke…" he says silently when he gets up on Olliander Street. "Are you sure you're okay? Tell me if you need anything…"

His girlfriend clenches her teeth almost unnoticeably.

"Maybe you could drive a little faster? I'd hate to have our daughter in the car…"

Beads of sweat break out on his forehead and he pushes the gaspedal further down into the floor. His heart is beating twice as fast as usual and he wants to stop the car and get out and throw up at the side of the road.

Brooke is about to have their baby.

He's about to be a father.

And he's never been this scared in his entire life.

---

* * *

**Author's note**: Next chapter is the birth. :D

Tell me; How bad do you want it? LOL. Review and tell me.

Big love to all.

/Lynn


	37. She May Be

**Author's note: **Guys… I got 59 reviews for last chapter! 59! You are all so amazing that I'm about to die! And can you believe that I had written personal thank you's for each and every one, just to have them get lost in cyber space   
So now its late and I'm choosing to update and hope that you won't be too sad… this is after all the chapter you've been waiting for, right?Very short; special thanks to Ellie,Cami,Emma and Hil (who btw has a birthday today). And to Stef, for finding just the perfect song for me. To all you others; I LOVE you! All my FF-girls and boy, and all you amazing reviewers… gah… THANKS for being wonderful.

Title and lyrics comes from the song 'She' by Elvis Costello.

Enjoy

* * *

-

**CHAPTER 37 – She May Be…**

_She may be the song that summer sings  
May be the chill that autumn brings  
May be a hundred different things  
Within the measure of a day  
_

-

Okay, so being in labor isn't fun, Brooke decides, but it's definitely not as bad as people had wanted her to think. Definitely not. Karen had said that it would hurt like hell, and it kind of does, but not really worse than _really_ bad menstrual cramps.

She kind of feels empowered of it all and maybe that's why she also feels a little annoyed with Lucas' almost hysterical behavior when they finally reach the hospital. Mouth keeps laughing nervously, Rachel is mostly silent, and Lucas… well, as soon as they're out of the car, Lucas just runs around her like a headless chicken.

"Baby, just stand still here… I'm gonna get you a wheelchair. Just wait…"

Her blond boyfriend hurries forward and she sighs. Starts following him across the parking lot and wonders why the hell he's being like this. She's not handicapped. She's pregnant – yes, and she's also in labor. But she can definitely walk the distance to the entrance, and when he returns, meeting her halfway, she just looks at him with a raised eyebrow and asks;

"Do you want me to push _you_ in that?"

He shakes his head no in a confused manner.

"Well then we don't need it because I sure as hell won't be sitting in it."

She adds a smile to reassure him that she's still okay. She's still fine, not in an overly amount of pain and definitely not mad at him. He smiles back, seemingly a little calmer, but he still nervously runs his hand through his hair.

"I just feel like I need to do something…" he mumbles and shifts his weight from the left foot to the right. "I'm feeling a little useless, Brooke…"

"You're here" she answers and leans against his shoulder for a couple of seconds as a contraction peaks. "As long as you don't leave me, we'll be good."

And about half an hour later, when Lucas has finally found Dr. Shandwick and she has been brought into a room and changed into the required hospital gown, she finally realizes that this is it. There's no turning back now.

She – Brooke Davis, 18 years old and newly graduated from high school – is going to squeeze a living person out through her pelvis.

The pain of the contractions is getting a little worse and by now, when the craziness is subsiding a bit, she's starting to feel nervous and a little scared. The problem is that Lucas seems so petrified that she feels as if she really needs to stay calm for _him_.

"Well…" her doctor says and pulls down her gown over her thighs again. "You're only four centimeters dilated Brooke, and normally I would have sent you home again for a couple of hours, but since your water broke I want you to stay here. It might not be until the morning before anything starts to really happen, so take the opportunity to try and rest some."

Rest?

She looks at the older man incredulously as he writes something down in her chart.

"What do you mean? Like… uhm… like _sleep_?"

Dr. Shandwick nods and smiles.

"Yes. I would advise it. And I remember that when we talked about you birth-plan, you said that you wanted an epidural for the birth so I'll get someone to come and administer that. That'll take away most of the pain from the contractions so I'd take the chance to get some 'shut eye' if I were you. It's almost 7pm after all and you probably won't get that much sleep later on tonight."

Lucas fingers intertwine with hers and she shifts her attention from the doctor to her boyfriend. And when the doctor leaves the room she asks;

"Luke… Are you tired?"

She really hopes that he isn't because she doesn't think she can stay calm if he falls asleep and leaves her to wait this out on her own. Thankfully he looks at her as if she's crazy.

"_Tired_? Not one freakin' bit. I'm way too nervous."

"Me too…"

He rubs the palm of her hand with his thumb and she looks around the room when his cell phone suddenly starts beeping. And she breathes through a smaller contraction while he answers his call.

"Hi mom. Finally!"

He lets go of her hand and walks over to the window. Rubs the back of his neck with his free hand in a typical 'Lucas-gesture' that tells her he's feeling nervous or stressed. "I've tried calling you for an hour, mom. Brooke's water broke and we're at the hospital… When can you get here?"

She listens in on the silence and tries to hear what Karen is saying but the sound is too faint. Instead she turns to Rachel and Haley that have just entered the room. Haley rushes over to the bed and instantly starts fussing around her.

"Oh Tigger… Are you alright? Are you in pain? I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner but we had to drop the twins off at Debs and then Nathan had to put gas in the car and then I wanted to buy you something from the gift-shop but I wasn't sure if you were allowed stuff in here before the birth…"

She smiles back faintly at Haley and starts to feel a little panicky. Too much is going on around her. Rachel smirks at the sight of her in the hideous gown and the ridiculous knee-high socks that the nurse has made her wear, and she sticks her tongue out at the redhead. 'Just wait…' she thinks. 'One day you'll be in this position and_I'll_ make fun of _you_.'

And then Lucas comes back to her side, and he and Haley starts discussing whether or not laughing-gas is a good option for pain-relief. Rachel curiously plays with the buttons controlling her bedside lamp and bed and then the nurse comes into the room, carrying a syringe.

For a second her breath gets totally caught in her throat and when she hears the gasping sound on her left side, she knows that Lucas has seen it too.

Lucas is scared shitless of needles, she knows this. And usually she laughs and tells him that he's ridiculous and that there's nothing dangerous or scary with getting a little shot. This time though she wishes that the tables were turned and that he would tell her that this is okay, because the needle on the syringe in the nurse's hand is the biggest one she's ever seen.

"Hi" the nurse says sweetly and smiles. "I'm Diana. I've come to give you the epidural."

"Hi…"

She cautiously watches as the girl comes closer and instinctively shrugs away. A contraction comes and suddenly she thinks that maybe she should just have this baby without the epidural. It doesn't hurt_that__bad_ and the laughing gas that Haley talked about suddenly sounds like a much better choice.

"If you'll just sit up for a bit… After I've put in the catheter for the Epi, the pain from those will lessen in a couple of minutes."

'Diana' points towards the monitor next to the bed where the peak of her contractions is shown in bright red numbers.

"Where are you putting that?" she hears Lucas ask weakly as the nurse starts to arrange the tiny tubing that'll probably go into her, and in the corner of her eye she sees him point towards the needle.

"In the lower back. I'm not going to lie, it may hurt quite a bit. But it'll be worth it and its over quickly."

Lucas grows pale and Haley nods reassuringly alongside the nurse. Rachel however chuckles and she knows why. The redhead is thinking the same thing that she's thinking; if the nurse said it would hurt 'quite a bit', then it would be _fucking painful_. They always made it sound a lot less bad then it really was.

"I changed my mind…"

She says it without thinking but realizes as soon as the words leave her mouth that she means it. "I wanna do it naturally. No epidural… just that gas…"

The pain's not that bad. What were a few cramps compared to having a 7 inch needle shoved into her back? And it couldn't get that much worse, right? People wouldn't keep producing babies to left and right if it were _that_ bad to give birth to them.

"Are you sure?" 'Diana the nurse' asks and she nods in an effort to look confident.

"Sure. This'll be a breeze."

_She  
May be the face I can't forget.  
A trace of pleasure or regret  
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay.  
_

-

It's 2am now and Lucas is starting to get a little worried. It's been almost eight hours since they came in to the hospital and still there's no sign of their baby entering the world.

Brooke is exhausted already and she hasn't even been allowed to start pushing yet. She had been tough up until a little while ago, even though he could clearly see that the pain was a lot worse then she led on. And not that he doesn't understand why she refused that epidural, hell he would never have let anyone get close to him with that needle, but he really wishes that Brooke would have let the nurse give it to her.

He _hates_ seeing her in pain.

The first couple of hours she seemed to have been entertained by having their friends in the room with her, but by eleven o'clock he asked Nathan and Mouth to go hang out in the waiting-room instead because he could see that Brooke was no longer comfortable with having them there. She was getting tired and restless and it was clear to him that she couldn't get comfortable in her half-naked state when the guys where in the room.

Nathan and Mouth happily obliged, probably feeling awkward as well, and when they went Rachel went with them, mumbling something about getting coffee.

And then by midnight Brooke started fussing and complaining about feeling nauseous, and before they knew what was going on, she almost threw up on the night-nurse who just smiled and happily announced:

"Perfect! Now we know that the baby is in the birth-canal."

Brooke in turn snapped for first time and yelled:

"I _really_ can't see why the _hell_ you seem so amused by that!"

After that the mood changed completely in the room. Brooke clung to him and didn't want Haley in there either, and the last hour his pretty girl seemed to retract more and more into herself.

By now there's no longer any talk about this 'being a breeze'. And with the contractions coming stronger and closer together, Brooke's toughness is shrinking by the minute.

"I don't want to do this!" she whines as another contraction wracks her body, "Lucas, get me out of here!"

He shuts his eyes for a second and rubs her back when she hunches over and sucks in air through clenched teeth. Watching her being in this much pain is too hard and yet he knows it's still going to get worse before this is over.

"Brooke, you need to calm down," he says as calmly as he can, but truthfully the words are more directed towards himself. _He_ needs to calm down.

The nightshift midwife steps in, seeing that he probably looks like he's about to faint, and urges his girlfriend on softly. "Just breathe Brooke… You're doing fine. Take deep breaths and blow them out slowly… It's time for you to start pushing soon. Just hold off a few minutes longer."

But Brooke's grip on his hand tightens again, so much that he thinks that the bones in his hand are going to break like little twigs. How could such a little girl be so strong?

"Fuck breathing!" she sobs angrily, "Do you… even… know how… much this… hurts?!"

The nurse grabs her other hand, probably feeling sorry for her, but Brooke just pushes her away.

"I_can't_ do this!" she screams as another contraction peaks. And when it stops she frantically grabs his t-shirt and pulls him down towards her. Still out of breath she says; "Luke, didn't you hear me? Just pay what ever we owe them… and get… me… out of here!"

He shivers at the pain on her face and wipes the damp strands of hair away that have plastered themselves to her forehead.

"I'm sorry baby… I wish I could, but I can't."

In his head he can think of a hundred cheeky responses that he could have given to her request if the situation was different, but this is not the time for jokes. "You have to push the baby out first Brooke" he says instead. "She can't stay inside of you…"

It doesn't even seem to be any pauses between the contractions now and she looks so tired. When the next contraction starts to build, tears actually fall down her cheeks, and he tries to channel some energy into her by their intertwined hands, wishing that he could take her place for a while so that she would be allowed some rest.

"You won't leave me will you?" she whines, desperation in her eyes, and he strokes the tears away with the thumb of his free hand.

"I wouldn't dream of it. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere until you get through this."

The doctor comes into the room and Brooke leans back on Lucas for a few seconds to try and get her breathing back to normal. The doctor checks hers and the baby's vital-signs and then he smiles.

"So Brooke, you're ten centimeters dilated and fully effaced. It's time to do this now."

Lucas feels Brooke's body tense up and he holds his own breath. This is it. Their baby is about to be born.

"If you feel an urge to push, just go with it," the doctor continues.

But Brooke whimpers in response. "I told you, I _can't_… I'm too tired…"

Now Lucas kneels beside the bed and looks her in those green eyes. "Hey…" he says as calmly as he can. "This is not you Brooke. You're a fighter, you always fight…"

"But I'm scared Luke…"

"I know you are, but we've been waiting for this for nine months and now it's so little left. You can do this baby."

He squeezes her hand as he once again tries to channel his own energy into her. He knows that she is tired but even so it surprises him somewhat that she seems so weak. He has almost expected her to be angry.

The doctor tries to get through to her as well but she just whimpers through the contractions.

"What do you need pretty girl?" he asks desperately. "Is there anything I can do?"

Brooke sobs. "Get Karen for me?"

He wishes he could. But his mother is at home with a sick baby and was still trying to find a babysitter the last time he called her. She had said that she would try to get Deb to take Keith as well as the twins, but he hadn't heard anything after that and now his cell phone lies turned off in Haley's purse.

To be honest, he too kind of needs his mom at this point, but there's not much he can do to get her to come.

Brooke curls up as if to brace herself from the pain of the next contraction and he shakes his head, feeling completely helpless.

"I can get Haley…" he tries. "Or Rachel…"

She doesn't answer and he looks at the nurse and doctor for help. "What should I do?" he asks silently. "Can't you give her _anything_ for the pain?"

When the doctor shakes his head he sighs and leans in over Brooke again, placing butterfly-kisses on her face. When she finally decided that the pain was too much and that she wanted the epidural, it was apparently too late to give it to her, and the laughing-gas just seemed to make Brooke nauseous.

"One big push, Brooke" the doctor says and glances at the monitor with the baby's heart-rate. "Just give us one big one, and then you can rest a bit…"

It worries him that the man looks so serious. It makes him wonder if maybe something isn't right. This time though Brooke actually tries but sobs loudly when it becomes too much for her.

"Just try some breathing baby" he soothes in order to calm both himself and his girlfriend. "Come on… I love you so much. Soo much… so much…"

"_Shut_ up!"

She closes her eyes hard and finally pushes for the second time as the contraction peaks, and just as he is about to start talking again she grabs him by the collar of his shirt and pulls him towards her face.

"I said _shut_ up!"

He stands with his mouth open, surprised by the sudden anger that seems to have surfaced out of nowhere. Brooke really sounds furious. And she's obviously not done either because she hisses;

"You are never having sex with me again, you hear me! _Never_! This… is the… first… and the last time… I'm _ever_… doing this!"

The anger seems to fuel her strength because the doctor looks pleased. "That's good Brooke!" he says, ushering her on. "Keep pushing, a couple of more pushes like that and you'll have your baby in no time…"

But it's as if Brooke doesn't even hear it. She's still holding his sweater and he's actually starting to become a little scared.

"I…" he tries. "I'm sorry?"

The contraction passes and she sucks in air between clenched teeth before adding "You _should_ be. Do this to me again and I swear I'll make 'little Lucas' a head shorter…"

He feels himself growing a little pale and forces a weak smile. But the doctor winks at him and mouths;

"Don't worry. They always say that… They never mean it. "

Yeah? Well the doctor obviously doesn't know his girlfriend.

_She  
May be the beauty or the beast.  
May be the famine or the feast.  
May turn each day into a heaven or a hell…_

-

So this is what it feels like to totally rip apart? To have your insides repositioned and pushed to the sides of your ribcage in order to push out a baby that still didn't fit through that tiny hole? The last eight hours has surely taught her the answer to that question.

"I can't do it!" she yells again, but this time she directs her anger towards the doctor. He should see that it would never work, shouldn't he? He's looking right between her legs.

But they all just keep telling her to push. And she would if it didn't hurt so fucking much. Then again, not to push was turning into a not so pleasant experience as well since it feels as if she'll explode if she doesn't.

She grabs Lucas' hand even harder and when the new contraction builds and she again starts to push, she realizes that the sobs and whimpers she's used to get through the last hour doesn't work anymore. So without thinking she lets the last piece of control go and simple opens her mouth and screams. Forces every muscle in her body to help with the pushing.

And that's when she feels it. What has seemed like an impossible mission for hours suddenly feels doable. She can actually feel the baby inching out of her for every second she keeps pushing with the contraction.

It's as if the room disappears around her. Time stops. And the only thing she can concentrate on is the connection between muscles and brain.

Breathe.

Push.

Breathe.

Push.

She has no idea how much time that passes. And when Lucas talks to her again she can even see his lips move, but the sound is drenched by her concentration.

Breathe and _push_.

Then suddenly the feeling of being sliced in halves disappears. The pain that she thought would actually have her faint seconds ago falls away. Sounds and space returns and she hears the sound of a tiny baby crying.

Her baby.

"Let me see her…" she breathes out with a voice that doesn't even sound like her own. "Is… is she alright?"

She looks at Lucas who just stares at the doctor and she follows the path of his gaze.

Her vision is blurred with tears, but she can clearly hear the nurse.

"Congratulations! You have a _beautiful_ baby girl…"

-

_She…_

Nothing in the many educational videos in parenting class has prepared him for this moment. The tiny baby that the midwife has placed on Brooke's chest is neither bloody nor wrinkled. She is completely perfect.

In a daze he watches the doctor put a clamp around the umbilical cord and even though he's really not good with blood and stuff like that, he manages to cut the last thing connecting this tiny new person to his girlfriend.

He actually does his first duty as a father. As a _dad_.

His new daughter isn't crying, she just flexes her little fingers as if trying them out and looks up at him with big eyes so light blue that they almost seem turquoise. Her hair is dark and thick and curls a little since it's still damp. Her little mouth looks just like Brooke's and even though his daughter hasn't found her ability to smile yet he knows that she will have her mother's dimples.

"So this is our baby…' he thinks and touches the little soft cheek with his finger. 'This is our Emma…'

His chest feels too tight for his heart but it isn't until he tastes the saltwater on his lips that he realizes that he's crying.

"Luke, we made her…" Brooke whispers in awe. She is still watching their newborn daughter and to him Brooke has never been more beautiful than in this moment. Even though she is probably tired beyond words and she is flustered and sweaty with her hair plastered to forehead, she still seems to be glowing.

Her eyes have never been greener, her dimples never deeper, and her cheeks are colored a perfect shade of rose. And with both Brooke and Emma close to him he feels so happy that he is about to explode.

"Thank you" he whispers back and her eyes are filling with tears now too. He's not even sure if he's talking to Brooke or some higher power, all he knows is that someone needs to be thanked, because in this exact moment his life is perfect. So he keeps repeating "Thank you so much… thank you so much…"

He's so proud of her that he chokes on the words and she reaches up and caresses away the stray tears on his face before she pulls him down and kisses him. The kiss is soft, yet almost desperate because right then there's just so many emotions that neither of them can express.

And when his lips finally leave hers she covers his cheek with her small palm and simply says;

"I couldn't have done this without you."

_She may be the mirror of my dreams.  
A smile reflected in a stream  
She may not be what she may seem  
Inside her shell_

--

Nathan walks back and forth in the waiting room.

"How long can it take, huh? The nurse said Brooke had the baby over 45 minutes ago…"

Haley laughs. Her husband isn't the most patient person in the world. Never has been.

"Let them have a moment sweetie" she tells him. "They just had a baby. Let them cope with that first."

And just when she says that, Lucas comes through the door, smiling so widely that it's a wonder that his face is still in one piece. He looks happier than she's ever seen him. Tired, yes, but at the same time completely ecstatic.

"I'm a dad!" he exclaims and laughs. "6 pounds and 5 ounces. Did you hear that Hales? I'm a _father_!"

She gets up and she hugs him for several minutes. He looks like he's been crying and she feels so proud of him. Then she lets go and lets Nathan congratulate him, and when her husband and best friend hug, she feels the tears come as well, because she can still clearly remember a time when the brothers hated each other.

Then Lucas moves on to hug Rachel and Mouth and that's when Karen comes back from the cafeteria. Lucas freezes for a second before almost launching himself into the open arms of his mother.

"You've gotta see her mom…" she hears him mumble with a voice that's cracking up more and more for every second. "Brooke, Brooke was so amazing…and Emma, she's the most _beautiful_ baby in the world…"

And when entering the room minutes later, Haley is almost prone to agree. She's a mother herself and of course she's partial towards her own little boys. But the baby in Brooke's arms is gorgeous. She's almost doll-like in her features, with unusually long and dark eyelashes for an infant.

"Wow Tigger…" she whispers and she feels new tears coming. "Look at you… and look at that beautiful girl…"

Brooke's bottom lip trembles, and for a second her brunette friend looks at Rachel that's coming up behind her.

"Rachel… are you _crying_?"

Haley turns and to her complete surprise she sees that the redhead furiously wipes her eyes.

"What? No, I'm not! I just got something in my eye…"

Brooke lets out a mix between a laugh and a sob from the bed and carefully lifts the tiny baby towards her blond boyfriend.

"Lucas… take Emma. I need to hug my friends."

And after that the tear-fest just goes overboard.

_She who always seems so happy in a crowd.  
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud  
No one's allowed to see them when they cry._

-

Sometimes Brooke wonders what she has done to deserve someone as wonderful as her boyfriend. She wonders how it can be possible for him to know her as well as he does, sometimes to the extent that he almost knows what she needs before she even figures it out herself.

And this early morning, on the day of their daughter's birth, he had done it again.

He had looked so proud when he brought his mom and their friends into the room and introduced them all to their daughter. And while she cried and hugged Haley and Rachel, he stood beaming and watched his mother hold her first grandchild. Karen then tried to pass Emma to Rachel who had declined with a scared expression and crept up next to her on the bed, so Haley held the baby instead.

She had felt blissfully happy with them all around but also extremely tired and sore, and then, exactly 20 minutes after Lucas had brought them all in to congratulate her, he had done something that really surprised her.

He actually threw them all out.

And she did nothing but watch in total adoration, because being the wonderful boyfriend he is, he had just read her mind…

"_Well it was great to have you here, guys" Lucas said and got up from his spot next to her on the bed. "But we'll see you all tomorrow, right?"_

_Karen looked surprised but she took the sleeping baby from Haley and handed her over into her son's outstretched arms._

"_Uhm… okay. But are you sure that you and Brooke won't need me here for a little while longer? I can stay, I mean Deb is watching Keith and…"_

_Lucas shook his head, looking a lot more secure than she felt herself._

"_I'm sure mom. Brooke and I can handle this. It's great that you came but its 4 am and we're all exhausted. I'll call you when we wake up, I promise."_

_Haley smiled proudly from her chair in the corner and nudged Nathan who looked as surprised as Karen._

"_But…" he mumbled. "I didn't even get to hold her…"_

"_You will tomorrow, bro."_

_And within minutes they all scattered out of the hospital room, leaving her, Lucas and Emma alone. She watched as Lucas closed the door behind them and breathed in the scent from the baby in his arms._

"_Thanks boyfriend..." she said, sounding even more raspy than usual. "I love having them here but I'm so tired and I want Emma back."_

_He came back over to her and kissed her forehead while their daughter started fussing._

"_She's probably hungry" he said softly and handed the baby over before promptly crawling into the bed beside her. "You wanna try and feed her?" _

_And that's when she kind of froze._

She loves the idea of having it just be the three of them and she loves Lucas for understanding that, but when he watches her right now, waiting for her to feed their child, she suddenly wants all their friends to come back in and interrupt. Because truthfully, breastfeeding isn't something she particularly looks forward to. She doesn't even know how to do it.

The tiny warm baby in her arms suddenly stirs and yawns. Squints her beautiful blue eyes just like her daddy and that little puckered baby mouth starts trembling a little.

"Oh no… no, don't cry Emma" she whispers.

But Emma doesn't listen and seconds later the room is filled with the tiniest little cry, one that sounds more like a kitten than a crying baby. And the sound instantly tears at her heart. But there is also another problem. If Keith's late night crying had made her breasts ache, then that was nothing compared to this.

"Shh…" she hushes and strokes her daughter over the soft head of brown curls. "It's okay…"

Lucas arm feels safe behind her back and she slowly unbuttons the hospital gown, suddenly feeling almost shy.

"What if I do this wrong?" she whispers, half to herself and half to Lucas and the baby, but her boyfriend just kisses her temple in a reassuring way.

"You won't, Brooke. You're her mother… and you heard what the nurse said; Emma hasn't done this before either, remember?"

He might be right, but the thought that both she and Emma are being new at this is even more frightening. Yet she pulls her gown aside and carefully tries to get the crying baby to take the nipple. She tries to remember what that weird lady had said in parenting class, but she and Lucas had skipped most of the sessions, and she only remembers something about the importance of sterilizing the nipple… But that was the rubber-nipples for the bottles, right?

The tiny baby in her arms flings he little arm out and scrunches her face in preparation for new tears, so she simply catches the hand and rubs the tiny palm with her thumb. Ten fingers and ten toes, she thinks, and once again she thanks someone that everything had gone alright and that Emma is healthy.

"Here, baby…" she murmurs softly and pulls the little girl closer. And that's when it happens.

It's easier than she thought and it's only seconds before she feels Emma latch on and the crying sound stops. It feels weird, totally different from anything she's experienced before and when her daughter starts sucking, she simply looks up at Lucas in shock.

Lucas has an equally bewildered expression on his face and he runs a finger over Emma's cheek softly.

"Wow…" he whispers. "I really thought that would be harder… you look like a total pro doing that, Pretty girl."

Now she giggles, even though she's so tired that she feels like she's been run over by a train. Her body aches in places she didn't even know she had and her eyelids are heavy.

"I thought it would be harder too…"

It's not really comfortable, and she cringes a little when the baby sucks harder, but it's a wonderful feeling to know that at least she can feed Emma. Out of all the mistakes she and Lucas are prone to make during the upcoming months, at least her daughter won't starve.

And she can't stop being amazed that the little girl in her arms is their creation. The button-like nose, the chubby little cheeks and the amazing sky-blue eyes. The tiny fingers and toes. The entire baby is simply perfect.

"I can't believe she's here now" she says softly, looking up at Lucas, and he looks back at her with that face that tells her that he's going to starts crying all over again.

"She looks just like you, you know…" he answers with eyes full of love. "I just really hope she hasn't inherited your temper."

She laughs but makes a face when Emma once again takes another grip on her nipple and Lucas frowns.

"You okay, baby?"

"Yeah, it just really isn't that comfortable. Maybe I'm doing it wrong? I thought this was supposed to be all motherly bliss… You know, sitting in a rocking chair, looking serene and breastfeeding your baby…"

But now Lucas is the one laughing.

"Babe, I love you… but 'serene' isn't really your thing, right?_Bouncy_ is more your thing… Plus, we don't have a rocking chair."

And when she thinks about it, he's right. They don't.

_She may be the love that I can hope to last  
May come to me from shadows of the past.  
That I'll remember till the day I die_

-

"Look at you guys" the day-nurse says with a smile when she enters the room at 9 am. "You seem to have it all covered."

Lucas smiles back at the woman and agrees. They do, don't they?

Breakfast is eaten, his mom has called four times so far and Brooke has already been up on her feet.

As the nurse checks Brooke and asks questions about how his girlfriend is feeling, he leans back into the armchair with Emma against his chest. His daughter has pretty much been attached to Brooke's breast for the last three hours but he's okay with that. A more beautiful sight than his little girl snuggled up against Brooke has probably never been seen.

"So did you change the first diaper yet?" the nurse asks and he suddenly realizes she's talking to him.

"Huh?" he says and looks at Brooke for confirmation. "Ehm… no…"

"Well I guess you should then. Your girlfriend has done quite the job, don't you think? I'd say _this_ task is yours."

In the corner of his eye he can see Brooke's smug smile and he laughs. He should have known that she'd get herself out of this one. It wasn't more than a couple of weeks ago when she had confidently told him that she would _never_ change a nappie. Ever.

"Go ahead Luke" Brooke giggles and her eyebrow gets that little quirk that he loves. So even though he happily takes on this assignment, he mutters a little for show. Just to make this moment even better for his pretty girl. Then he stands and brings Emma over to the changing table.

He has actually changed his little brother's diaper once just for practice but when putting Emma down on the flat surface he realizes that the difference in size between the two babies is huge. His little brother is a big boy, probably over 13 pounds by now, and his daughter is just half that size.

Carefully he picks at the little pieces of tape that holds the diaper together and he's overwhelmed with the same wish to protect Emma that has been plaguing him since the first time he saw her a couple of hours ago. If he takes the diaper off, her little backside will be cold. If he doesn't, then it'll stay wet and it will be uncomfortable for her.

He contemplates the problem while he looks at his baby and relishes in how much she looks like Brooke, and when he finally starts to actually take the diaper off, he hears a laugh from the door.

Nathan.

"Jesus bro… 3 minutes and 22 seconds just to figure out how to detach the tape? Wow, your kid is in deep shit…"

-

_She  
May be the reason I survive  
The why and wherefore I'm alive  
The one I'll care for through the rough and ready years_

Brooke lies in the dark room and listens to the sound of Lucas' breathing. After coaxing with the nurses Lucas had been allowed to stay the night and they had both gotten into the small bed and drawn the blinds. And even though he sleeps while she is still awake, just having him here calms her nerves.

Their first day together with Emma is almost over. So many new things, so much emotion, happiness and worrying about doing stuff wrong, and her head is spinning.

It's close to eight in the evening now and she's actually been in the hospital for over twenty-four hours, but it still feels like time has no value in here. Their hospital room feels like their own little bubble where only her, Lucas and Emma exist and new stuff is important here. Stuff that she would never have thought she'd care about before.

A beautiful tiny yawn.

The first time Lucas counted Emma's pink little toes.

Watching her baby sleep on Lucas' chest.

The little baby girl, that she still hasn't really comprehended is her daughter, lies at her breast and the sucking noises when she breastfeeds mixes with Lucas' soft snoring.

'So this is the sounds of my family' she thinks and the realization that she now has her own family both calms her and makes her nervous. It's new, scary, and yet in a way it feels like it's what she's always wanted.

She should probably be asleep too. She hasn't slept more then half an hour here and there, but even though her body still feels sore and spent, her head isn't tired. And as long as Emma isn't sleeping, she won't either. She can't stop looking at her baby. She so afraid of doing something wrong, but at the same time it all just feels so natural.

A couple of minutes pass and Emma is still sucking contently when she thinks of something.

"Lucas…" she whispers, and he instantly stirs beside her.

"What's the matter baby?"

His voice is sleepy and soft, like a rumble from deep inside his chest, and it's very comforting.

"Do you think that it's possible that I'm overfeeding her?

He laughs softly and crawls closer to her, snakes his arm around her waist and snuggles into her shoulder.

"I guess if you do, she'll barf all over you… and then we'll know."

"Shut up!"

She laughs and when her chest moves with the laughter, Emma opens her big blue eyes and finally let's go of her sore nipple with a soft 'pop'. Carefully she moves her over to Lucas and buttons her night-shirt. "Burp her, will you?" she asks and sits up. "I need to go pee."

She takes her time. Brushes her teeth and washes her face. And ten minutes later when she comes back into the room she stops in the doorway and just stares in awe.

Lucas stands in the middle of the room with their tiny daughter leant against his shoulder, swaying a little as he sings a really lousy version of a children's lullaby. His singing voice sucks, but the sight makes her heart swell in her chest. Lucas is a father and that meant that she had to be a mother now, right?

"Luke…" she whispers softly and he turns towards her and smiles.

"What's up pretty girl?"

She realizes that she looks like shit. The bathroom mirror had told her that first hand when her reflection looked back at her a couple of minutes ago. Her hair is messy, the oversized hospital gown is flecked with breast-milk and she wobbles like an old lady when walking because her pelvis still hurts like hell. But he looks at her as if she is beautiful and she smiles back and walks up to him. Pulls a hand trough his short messy hair and rubs Emma's back softly with the other.

"I just thought of something…" she whispers and looks into those familiar blue orbs.

"What, baby?" he whispers back with smiling eyes.

"I think we'll be okay."

And she actually means it.

-

_Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears  
And make them all my souvenirs  
For where she goes I've got to be  
The meaning of my life is:  
She_

-

* * *

**Author's note**: LOL 'She' may be the only BL baby we'll get if Mark doesn't pull through… and now she's here: Emma! LOL

Tell me, was it too sweet? ;)

See you all soon and THANKS again. Your feedback is my lifeforce…


	38. Together We Are One

**Author's note**: It seemed like a lot of you thought that last chapter was the end of this story. But don't you all think that our BL-family deserves a 'bigger' finale? Well there is still road ahead. And without further ado...

Title and lyrics are from a song by Delta Goodrem, found for me by the awesome Stefy.

-l-

* * *

**CHAPTER 38 ****– Together We Are One**

_Here we are  
Sharing our lives  
We made it through__…_

"Brooke, have you seen my towel?"

He calls her from the bathroom and she answers that she hasn't. And he keeps wondering how much stuff she had really brought. It's been a day and a half since Emma came and this afternoon, Brooke and their daughter are getting discharged. That is if he can pack their stuff on time.

It seems like Brooke has managed to spread their things over every single free surface of the room. Clothes, face-creams, baby-stuff, pacifiers. He even finds a pair of earrings and a sneaker. And he knows that this entire project would have been handled faster by Brooke herself, since strangely enough she always has a certain order in her chaos, but she's currently feeding Emma.

"What time is it?" he calls her again, while shoving their toothbrushes into her toilet bag.

"Three thirty."

Oops… they'll be late. And he should have known. Being on time just wasn't a doable task while with Brooke, and now with Emma on top of this he should have at least added a half hour to their time-plan.

He pops his head back into the hospital room and for a second he just watches and smiles. He's still awestruck every time he comes back after leaving the room for just two seconds, and the sight of Brooke and Emma snuggled up in the chair is beautiful.

"Nathan will be here in fifteen minutes…" he says softly when Brooke looks up. "Is there any possibility that you could finish that feeding at home?"

"Sorry, but nope. Once this kid is latched on, I swear she's like a vacuum cleaner. Just call Nate and tell him to come up. The doctor is supposed to come check on Emma before we leave anyway, right?"

He nods and goes to get his cell phone. Calls his brother and tells him what Brooke just said. He can hear Nathan sigh on the other end but Nathan knows his pretty girl rather well too and he has probably expected this, because he doesn't complain.

He bets that the doctor will be fast though, because so far Emma has been nothing but perfectly healthy. A ten on the apgar scale and up to par on every test. And of course beautiful, just like her mom. He kisses Brooke's forehead before going back to packing, and he can't help but steal a glance at her chest. Thinking out loud, he chuckles:

"Babe, your boobs are huge!"

She swats his arm but tilts her head up so that he can kiss her on the lips instead.

"Admit that you love it, you perv…" she mumbles happily and he nods without hesitation. Size, shape or form, it's her boobs and he'd love them regardless. It just so happens that they are beautiful too.

"Now stop staring and get with the packing, boyfriend" she says and winks. "Didn't you say Nate was gonna be here in fifteen minutes?"

He sighs with a fake-disappointed look on his face and does as he's told. She giggles as he walks away and he smiles at the sound. Can't help it. He just really loves that she's happy.

_The good and bad times  
And still we stand  
With hope in our hearts  
No matter what  
We will play our part_

It's almost four o'clock when Nathan saunters into the hospital room where Brooke and his brother have been staying the last two days. And he's not the least bit surprised that they're far from ready to leave.

"What's up guys?" he says and he's greeted with an apologizing smile from Lucas.

He doesn't look directly at Brooke because she's still buttoning up her shirt after feeding the baby. Instead he walks over to his big brother and gives him a hug, mumbling a silent; "What happened to her chest?" in Lucas' ear.

Lucas laughs but he's being serious. This hadn't happened to Haley, maybe because their babies had been so premature, and he's almost embarrassed when Lucas smirks and says;

"Nice, huh?"

"I guess..."

Brooke stands up and comes over to him as well. Emma is cradled in her arms and she carefully gives the baby to Lucas before reaching up to hug him. She looks a lot more confident than he had expected, and compared to how he had felt around his sons the first couple of days, Brooke looks like a pro. Yet he's not that surprised. Just like he had told Lucas months ago, there was a lot more motherly instinct in the brunette than people thought.

"Sorry for running late like this Nate" she says with a sugary voice and a mischievous facial expression that tells him that she couldn't care less about letting him wait. "The doctor is running a little late."

"It's fine B. But if I get a ticket, then you're paying. I'm so double parked that it's not even funny."

She sticks her tongue out at him and he's just about to add that she should act a little more mature than that now that she's a mom, but he doesn't get any further than the smirk, because the doctor walks in through the door.

Brooke and Lucas smiles towards the doctor and he stands back a little while they start chatting away politely. The man, introducing himself as Dr. McMillan, the on-call pediatrician, admires Emma and tells them all what a beautiful baby she is. And Nathan feels himself unconsciously smile at the proud expression that spreads over his brother's face, and he makes a mental note to ask why the heck Lucas would take credit for Emma's features. The kid is a carbon copy of Brooke.

"I hear you did a great job at squeezing this little one out" the doctor tells Brooke. "Has she been good to her mommy? Eating and sleeping like she should?"

Brooke looks a little shy, an expressions very seldom seen on her, and smiles. "I think she's been an angel..." she says, and her eyes travel to Lucas for a second. "But I don't really know what she '_should'_ do... this is my first baby."

"Well, I bet you're doing beautifully" the doctor smiles back. "The nurses tell me that they haven't had to give her any extra supplements or take her into the baby-room. And that is to be commended, I must say. Now let's take a look at this little cutie..."

Nathan takes a small step closer to Luke and watches as the man checks Emma's reflexes and joints. He feels her tummy, checks her pulse and listens to her heartbeat, all while Brooke affectionately hangs on to Lucas' arm. Watching Brooke shove her hand affectionately into Lucas' back pocket makes him smile. They're the picture perfect teenage couple in love. And with the way his brother keeps sending loving glances at the brunette, it's obvious to him that all the people who are still pessimistic about whether or not Brooke and Lucas will make it, will be proved wrong.

It makes him happy because Brooke deserves this. He and Haley had talked about it last night and he totally agrees with his wife. Brooke deserves to have Lucas look at her as if she's the best thing that's happened to him because god knows that Lucas had messed up their relationship enough times.

"She's a beautiful baby" the doctor says and earns another wide proud smile from Lucas. "And her eye-color is amazing..."

He moves the stethoscope and coos "Yes it is..." down to Emma. But then he frowns. Does a double take and listens to Emma's heart again before carefully holding her with one hand so that he can listen to her back instead.

Then the man says: "Did the doctor that delivered her say anything about her left ventricle heart murmur?"

Lucas' face instantly changes and he stutters "Her left…heart…what?"

Dr. McMillan buttons Emma's little onesie back up and lifts her off of the table.

"She seems to have a heart murmur" he says and the smile is back. "But don't get alarmed. Apart from this she seems a hundred percent healthy and a lot of babies have them when they're newborn. Often they close up on their own and if they don't, then the surgery is a very common one. Unless there's a history of heart disease in the immediate family there's absolutely nothing to worry about."

By the last words Lucas looks as if someone punched him right in the gut and the earlier proud smile is traded for a scared frown.

"But… what about my HCM?"

"Your what?"

He can hear his big brother swallow before repeating himself.

"I have Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. It's added into Brooke's medical file… Dr. Shandwick said that…"

Lucas voice trails off and the room is quiet for a moment. Dr McMillan looks tired, Lucas looks pale and Brooke just keeps looking nervously between them all, as if she's either not really understanding the situation, or maybe just isn't sure what to ask.

Finally the doctor sighs and hands Emma back to Brooke and Nathan watches as he turns to Lucas.

"You mean that Brooke's OB Gyn knew that you carried the gene and they still didn't test for it during the pregnancy?"

"No… I mean yes… Dr Shandwick said that we couldn't test Emma until after she was born…"

It hurts to see Lucas so worried and one glance at Brooke tells him that the brunette is still too emotional after everything the last two days to handle this situation well. And when the pediatrician sighs again while flipping through Emma's file and says;

"Testing for HCM should be done somewhere around the 20th pregnancy week. Especially when the gene is carried by one of the parents. Being a carrier, I'm sure you know that there's a 50 percent risk that your daughter has the disease. And if she does, then a simple heart murmur has to be surgically taken care of as soon as possible."

Then Lucas' entire body stiffens and without even looking at Brooke, his brother just turns and pushes past him to get out of the room.

Nathan closes his eyes for a second and inwardly mutters a "What a fucking mess…" before looking back at Brooke. She looks so lost with the tiny baby in her arms, and the pain in her eyes when watching Lucas' back disappear out the door goes straight into his chest.

"Hey Brookie… don't worry…" he mumbles and runs his hand comfortingly up and down her arm. "Give him a sec, okay?"

Brooke nods and he notices how she forces the tears back with sheer willpower before turning back towards the pediatrician. 'You're really brave' he wants to say to her, but even though she just looked straight at him he's not sure if she's even aware that he's still in the room.

"So what now?" she says with a trembling voice. "Can we do the tests now?"

The doctor nods.

"Yes. It's a simple blood-test but it will be 7-10 days before we get the results. In the meantime I'll set up an appointment with our pediatric cardio specialist to see how extensive the hole in the left ventricle is. Just stay here while I go get the nurse."

Brooke nods silently and when Emma starts crying she just hoists the little girl up to lean against her shoulder and looks at him blankly.

"Why did he just leave?" she mumbles. "I don't know anything about all this Nate… He's much better than me with this whole 'talking to the doctors'-thing…"

He knows what she means. His big brother is supposed to be the calm and grounded part of the Brooke'n'Lucas-combo, and to be honest he's actually surprised at Lucas' behavior. So when Brooke says something about needing to feed Emma again, he mumbles "I'll go get Luke".

He doesn't have to go far. Because out into the corridor, just a couple of feet from the door, he finds his brother with his forehead leaned against the cold wall. He looks pale and Nathan puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey man... It's just a blood draw. She won't even remember this in a couple of minutes..."

Again he thinks about Jamie and Josh, and on the many times he's watched nurses draw blood from them. And even though this probably should make him feel as if Lucas is being ridiculous, it doesn't. Most of all because he now knows the feeling of wanting to protect your children from everything painful, but also because of the fact that in the case of Emma, it actually feels even more wrong.

James and Joshua had been born prematurely and he and Haley had been prepared for them to need tests and possible treatments. But Emma was supposed to be healthy. The perfect full-term baby.

Lucas draws a deep breath and lets it out shakily.

"What if she has it, Nate?"

He doesn't have to ask to know that Lucas is talking about the HCM and he really means it when he answers: "She doesn't."

He's well aware of the fifty percent risk. He had been lucky to find himself among the negative test-results. He wasn't even a carrier of the mutation which meant that not only could he lead a healthy life but there was also no chance that he could he have passed it to his sons. For his brother it had been the opposite. A lifetime with restrictions and heart-meds and a shattered basketball-dreams. But even more frightening, the risk of passing it on to Emma. Yet even with these facts in front of him, he still feels that Emma's tests will come back clear.

"How can you be sure?" Lucas pushes, still without looking at him. "If she has it, she'll need surgery and it'll be _my_ fault..."

"Cut it out Luke... You _know_ that that's not true."

Sadly though, the paleness on Lucas' face tells him that maybe he doesn't. And when Lucas doesn't answer him, he adds; "By the way, it's still _IF_ she has it... which means that right now your priorities shouldn't be standing out here feeling sorry for yourself. You should be in there with your girlfriend, who's currently trying her hardest not to fall apart completely."

Up until now Lucas has kept his head against the wall, but at the mention of Brooke, he actually looks up.

"Is she crying?" he asks weakly and he shakes his head in response.

"Not yet. But it's kind of assy to leave her in there to deal with this alone, Luke. And with her giving birth to your kid just two days ago, you should seriously be in there kissing her feet."

With the smallest of nods, Lucas finally straightens up and slowly walks back towards the room. But before he enters, he mumbles;

"I should take the chance to comfort her now... because if Emma has my heart-problems, Brooke's gonna hate me..."

_And now we've come so far  
One chance to touch a star  
Go higher and higher_

All Lucas wants is to hug her. Not Emma, but Brooke. Emma is thankfully not aware of anything, and if it turns out that he's passed the mutation on to her, then it'll still be a long time until she's old enough to blame him for it. But Brooke... Brooke knows...

She's curled up in the chair again and at first he thinks that she's nursing his little daughter for the fifteenth time today. But when he walks closer he can see that her shirt is closed and that she's just holding Emma close to her chest. Gone is the amazing smile that's been on her face since their daughter was first put in her arms two days ago. The tired but beautiful smile that's been telling him that it had been the right decision to take this rollercoaster ride of teenage parenthood. Instead there's just the tiredness left, mixed in with the worry that he hates to see in her features.

"I'm sorry baby..." he mumbles and squats down in front of her. "I didn't mean to just leave you hanging like that..."

Nathan had been right. It was selfish of him to let Brooke deal with something that was all because of him. She had done nothing to deserve this. _Nothing_.

His nervous hands play with the fabric of Emma's little pink outfit and then his daughter's tiny hand grabs onto his finger. His eyes stings with threatening tears, because the tiny pulling Emma does on his finger is nothing compared to what she's doing to his heart. And she looks so terribly small in Brooke's arms...

He supposed to protect her. It's his damn responsibility as her _father_.

And in this moment he hates his own father more than ever before. Because if it weren't for Dan, he wouldn't be sitting her on the floor holding back tears and being scared to hug the love of his life. He wouldn't have to worry about his newborn babygirl having an irreversible heart-condition.

"We should call your mom..." Brooke says silently and there's a slight tremble in her voice. "We probably won't make it home to dinner as we said..."

He nods and bites his lip. Shuffles a little closer and strokes the soft curls on Emma's head. Then he hears Nathan clearing his throat behind his back and he turns to look at his brother.

"Luke...man, uhm...would you guys rather I'd leave? I mean you can just call me when you want me to come pick you up..."

Shrugging, he looks up at Brooke and she shrugs too.

"Do what you feel is best Nate. Feel free to stay, but I have no idea how long this is going to take..."

Brooke sighs and mumbles "We don't even know what they're gonna do to her" and again that huge wave of frustration crashes over him for not being able to 'fix' this. He hasn't even had the courage to touch her yet, can hardly even look her in the eyes. And when Nathan bends down and touches Brooke's cheek with his palm, then his insides hiss with guilt.

"It's nothing to worry about Brookie" Nathan says with a soft voice. "They'll take some blood from a vein in her foot. It'll just be a quick sting. Remember? You saw them doing it on Josh..."

The masked up worry on his girlfriend's face turns into an obvious frown.

"But Nate, Joshua cried when they did that. You know that it hurt..."

"I know Brooke, but they have to, alright? It's the only way they'll know."

There's an almost invisible shiver along Brooke's bottom lip and that's what finally gives him enough courage. Carefully he covers Brooke's hand with his own and says;

"Hey baby... Look at me."

_He_ needs to be the one to do this. And he's thankful for Nathan's efforts of trying to make her feel better, but it's _his_ girlfriend that's scared, _his_ baby that needs testing and that might be sick. Most of all, it's _his_ damn mutation they are testing for.

When Brooke meets his eyes he feels this incredible relief. She looks sad of course, but not cold. Not angry.

"Maybe you could nurse her while they draw the blood?" he says silently while rubbing her palm with his thumb. "Maybe that way she'll feel safer..."

She nods, hesitantly but it's still a nod.

"Will you stay in here when they do it?" she then whispers, locking him in with her green-eyed gaze. "I know you hate needles Luke, but I really need you to be here..."

"Of course" he mutters softly, feeling guilty that she evens feels that she has to ask. "I won't leave babe. I've told you, we're doing all of this together..."

_Find your guiding inspiration  
In a place where dreams are made  
With a lifetime's preparation  
It's no time to be afraid_

Today was supposed to be a happy day.

They were supposed to bring their baby home. Karen was supposed to dote on her and tell her how good she was doing, and she'd be able to relax and feel safe under Karen's watchful eye. But instead she's still in the hospital and she's not feeling happy or safe at all.

Sure, Karen is with them now, and the older woman is talking to the doctors to make sure that everything is been done correctly. But even with Karen here, it's still not the way it's supposed to be. Why couldn't they just turn back in time and start over from this morning?

_She woke up by the feeling of warm soft lips pressed against the back of her neck, and she sighed contently._

"_Luke?" she mumbled and was met by a soft chuckle._

"_Who else, Brooke? You're in the maternal ward and its 7am... I don't really think any of your other boyfriends would be allowed in here..."_

_She smiled wider and turned her head around to press her lips to his. "I'm glad it's you" she mused. "I don't think any of the others would want me after this... I mean can you look at this?"_

_She pulled her oversized hospital gown up and forced him to look at her belly that now looked completely different. She had actually contemplated staying covered up until this weird phase was over but hours earlier, when it was still dark outside and Lucas slept soundly beside her while she nursed their baby, she realized that there wasn't any use._

_What would she do? Tell him he wasn't allowed to touch her all of a sudden?_

_Lucas face didn't change the slightest as he looked down at her belly. He just mumbled a newly awakened "Look at what?" and grazed his fingertips over the kind of loose skin on her still slightly swollen belly._

_It amazed her that she wasn't more repulsed by it. After being awarded with a stomach fit and toned as washboard since she started cheerleading in middle school this should make her worried or at least insecure. It really should._

"_My belly..." she said and searched for his eyes. "It looks hideous. Like an empty bag."_

_But Lucas just laughed at her. Silently, not to wake up Emma, and then he kissed her forehead. _

"_It kind of is, you know. It's the empty bag that you carried our baby in. It's kind of cool when you think about it..."_

_He sounded serious and with a smile on her face she watched him run his fingers over the skin again before bending down to kiss it. Then he settled back in next to her and watched their baby sleep soundly in her clear plastic cot._

"_I love you" she whispered, running a hand through his blond hair, and he looked back at her curiously._

"_What are you thinking about Brooke? You sound a little different..." _

"_I don't know..."_

_She hesitated; still astounded by the way her broody boy seemed to always read her like an open book. And as she trailed the hand down his neck she conjured up some extra courage and said: _

"_I guess I figured that you'd be disgusted by the way my body looks now, maybe even feel different about me... but you look at me the same, and I'm just happy I guess..."_

_For a second Lucas' eyes turned almost sky-blue and he shook his head at her slowly._

"_Are you insane baby?" he whispered and cupped her face in his hand. "There is no freaking possibility ever that I could be disgusted with your body… Have you met me? Hi, I'm Lucas, the boyfriend who was even horny enough to sleep with you when you were a week over-due…"_

_She laughed now and he pulled her closer._

"_I love you too, you crazy girl" he muttered and snuggled into her neck. "And I love our baby, Brooke… thank you for keeping her safe and healthy in that belly-bag of yours."_

_At the last words, his playful voice earned a more serious undertone and she knew what he meant. 'Don't even think about fitting into your skinny-jeans' he seemed to want to say. 'Be happy that we had a perfect child and that she was safely brought into the world…'_

_And at that moment, nothing could have ruined the way her heart soared in her chest. _

_Nothing… _

Nothing, except for the fact that her uterus might have failed at keeping Emma safe, and that Lucas has been withdrawn and weird ever since the doctor found the murmur. Nothing, except for still being in the hospital, sitting in a cold plastic chair and being about to let a stranger hurt Emma.

And Lucas is just pacing behind her like an unholy ghost while the nurse brings the needle closer to her daughter's tiny pink foot, making her just wants to pull the little foot away and yell to the woman to 'stay the F away from her child' and go stick that needle into her broody boyfriend instead.

But that's not an option.

So she bites her lip to stay calm and looks away with closed eyes when the nurse draws the blood. Emma cries, just like Josh did, and just when she starts to cry herself, she feels Lucas arms around her and his lips against her temple.

As always he comes around at the last minute…

"I'm sorry…" he whispers over and over and she still doesn't know what he sorry about.

She has her guesses though, and five minutes later, when her daughter's tiny wrinkled foot sports a band-aid the size of her pinkie nail and she has finally stopped crying, she lets Karen hold Emma and forces Lucas gently into a corner of the hallway.

They're waiting for the pediatric cardiologist now and another hour of watching him pace back and forth with his forehead in creases will drive her insane.

"Speak" she says and puts her hands on both sides of his face. "Tell me what's eating you Luke."

"Nothing…" he mumbles without meeting her eyes.

What the hell is up with this _nothing_-theme, she thinks and grabs his face more firmly.

_Nothing_ had been wrong with her baby this morning. _Nothing_ could ever ruin hers and Lucas' happiness over bringing Emma home… Both of those had been wrong, and now apparently 'nothing' is occupying her boyfriend's thoughts? She doesn't have to be a genius to realize that this one is just as un-true as the others.

"Luke…"

"Really… it's nothing…"

Once again he avoids her gaze and she yells out in frustration and slams her palm into Lucas' hard chest.

"Stop saying that it's nothing! I'm not stupid, and this is really not the time for mind-games. I'm still too fucking emotional and hormonal for that…"

This time he looks up and he looks so guilt-stricken that she instantly puts the hand back softly against his cheek.

"Now…" she says a lot more calmly. "You listen to me now babe, and you listen good, okay?"

He nods but says nothing. His eyes keep trailing over to Karen and Emma and she puts slight pressure on his cheek so that he'll focus.

"It's not you Luke. If Emma has HCM, _if she has it_, then it's not your fault, alright? Just like it was never Dan's fault that he passed it on to you. You might hate him Luke, but these things are no ones fault…"

At the mention of his father, she feels Lucas flinch and she realizes that they haven't seen or heard from the guy since the championship game when Lucas collapsed.

"I would never forgive either him or me…" she hears him mumble and she sighs deeply and pulls him close.

"I thought I told you to listen?" she mumbles back, and at least this time he kind of relaxes a little into her embrace.

It's taken much effort to finally have him being open to her and she's not going to give up this easily. So when he finally pulls back and looks at her for real, she says:

"I thought I told you to let me all the way in…"

_Deep inside your heart and soul  
You've worked so hard  
To reach__ your goal  
With every step, _

_without regret  
_

They arrive home at nine in the evening and she can see that Lucas is even more tired than she herself is. His mom warms some lasagne for them and she devours it like a starved wolf while he merely picks at his food. And when she's nursed Emma, she silently hands him his daughter and gets up from the table.

She needs to breathe. Because seeing him this distraught is painful.

"I'm gonna take a shower" she says and smiles, doing her best to cover up the fact that she feels like shit on a day that should be joyous. "I'll be right back."

Lucas simply nods.

Well inside the bathroom the smile falls with her clothes and she steps into the tub. She turns on the faucet and the warm water does wonders to her body.

She's sore from the birth, tired from being awake for almost three days, her boobs ache and her mind is spinning with worry. Standing under the warm stream of water she lets the sigh she's been holding in all evening come out and she presses her palms against her eyes to will herself not to start crying. She needs to be strong for Lucas and Emma, needs to stay positive, but she's so tired.

She washes her hair and rinses it, and then she just stands there and thinks. Something must be wrong with her, because even when she concentrates on the thought of Emma possibly being sick, she really can't process it. Her baby is not sick. _She's_ _not_.

Watching the nurse draw blood from her baby had been horrible and tears had been falling in a steady stream down her face when Emma cried. But later, when sitting across from the cardiologist, she had felt weirdly strong…

"_Brooke and Lucas… I want you to remember that there are still a fifty percent chance that your daughter doesn't have HCM, and if that's the case, then you don't have anything to worry about. This murmur is minor and will repair itself on its own."_

_The female doctor rubbed her baby's back and smiled comfortingly. _

_She smiled back towards the woman and then she glanced at Lucas. He was sitting next to her and he still looked pale and scared. Karen stood behind him with a steady hand on his shoulder but he didn't even seem to notice._

"_Do we have to care for her in any special way?" Karen asked and looked down at Emma's sleeping form in her lap. And she turned back to look at the doctor._

"_Just watch her__ coloring__. Babies with heart-problem can sometimes get purplish lips or pale complexion and if she does, then I want you to come straight in to the emergency. Other than that you can care for her as you would any baby. Bathe her, nurse her, love her…"_

_At the last words she felt the lump in her throat lessen a little and she stroked her baby's soft cheek._

"_I don't think the last thing will be a problem…" she mumbled and the doctor smiled wider._

"_You'll do great, Brooke. Now, go home and enjoy your perfect baby."_

It's true. Emma Karen Davis Scott _is_ prefect, and she'll stay that way. What worries her a lot more is her boyfriend. Because even though he's perfect as well, he seems so withdrawn.

She sighs again and grabs a fluffy towel from the rack. Dries herself and wraps it around her body before getting her cell phone from her sweatpants on the floor. Then she dials a familiar number and waits, and when Rachel answers, she says:

"Lucas is a mess…"

There's music in the background and she figures that the redhead is out partying, but it soon disappears and shifts into the sound of crickets.

"Come again?" Rachel giggles. "What did Mr. Perfect do? Drop Emma? Put her diaper on backwards?"

She sits down on the edge of the tub and shakes her head although she knows that Rachel can't see her. And for a second, just a tiny second, she wishes that she was standing next to her friend in the club with a really strong drink in her hand.

"He's a great dad already, Rach. He would never drop her…" she says and plays with a wet strand of her hair. "But Emma might have his heart condition and he already blames himself… and I feel like he's withdrawing from me…"

Her comments are met with complete silence and after about ten seconds she feels complied to ask if the redhead is still there.

"Emma might have HCM?" Rachel asks silently and she mumbles a quiet "Yeah…"

"And if she does? Is she gonna be alright?"

The worry in her friend's voice seals the deal and the tears finally come pouring. She wipes them away furiously with the towel and chokes out;

"I don't know…"

_You gave it all  
__Till there was nothing left  
Seek out the strength to win  
No thoughts of giving in  
Go higher and higher_

Lucas stands outside the bathroom door and listens as Brooke sobs on the other side. He can hear that she's talking to someone and he guesses that she's on the phone with either Rachel or Haley.

She's been in there for over forty minutes and he's burped Emma, changed her tiny diaper, and for the last twenty minutes she's been sleeping contently against his shoulder. His baby is safe at the moment and as long as he holds her, he feels okay.

Not good. But better.

Brooke's crying cuts his heart into pieces though, and he raises his hand for the fiftieth time to knock, but then lets it fall again.

She's crying because of him. And there isn't a thing he can do to make it better.

Sighing he turns to walk back into the kitchen to talk to his mother, but she's retired to her own bedroom to care for baby Keith, and instead he sits down on one of the kitchen chairs. This was not the way it was all supposed to go. Emma being sick, Brooke crying alone locked inside the bathroom, and himself feeling more helpless than he's ever done before… they were supposed to do great. He had promised Brooke that they would.

"_What if I drop her?" he asked the nurse and looked at the small plastic tub in front of him. It looked dangerous to put Emma in there, and he already worried about her becoming all slippery and hard to hold__ on to._

_What if he lost his grip of her and she got under the water?_

"_You won't drop her" Brooke's raspy voice came from behind and he could feel her arms snake in around his waist. "I would, but you won't. You're too much of a mother hen."_

_He snorted in fake hurt and muttered "_Father_ hen, thank you very much" and she giggled. Wonderful, pearly and soft._

"_A father hen is a rooster, Luke" she jokingly scolded him and her arms around him tightened. "Get your animals straight. Our daughter is impressionable."_

_At this he laughed out loud and even the nurse had a hard time keeping a straight face._

"_She's 27 hours old, Brooke. She doesn't even know that there are animals."_

_Even without turning he knew that she stuck her tongue out to him and he laughed again. "Now, shut up. I'm trying to give our baby her first swimming lesson, okay?" Then he slowly put Emma in the plastic tub, and watched happily as the nurse showed Brooke how to wash her. _

_Emma looked up at them with big eyes, as if she wondered why they all stood around her and smiled like idiots, and his heart felt so proud that he wanted to burst._

"_She likes it!" Brooke declared, smiling widely and clapping her hands. "Look!"_

_He didn't want to tell her that Emma was probably just too shocked by the new sensation to cry. Instead he nodded and proudly looked at his beautiful girlfriend. Her hair was up in a messy bun and she had a growing milk-stain on her t-shirt. Her face was still slightly rounded, making her dimples stand out even more, and when he lifted their daughter back up and Brooke wrapped her in a towel, he couldn't help but to lean in and kiss her._

"_We did it" she murmured against his lips. And he knew that she meant the task of getting Emma clean. Yet he couldn't help but relate her comment to the bigger picture._

"_We did" he agreed and kissed her again. "We did great, and that won't change…"_

He's wakened from his daydreaming by the sound of the bathroom door opening and closing and he looks up to see Brooke standing in the doorway. Her eyes are a bit red and she fiddles with the hem of the t-shirt she's put on. _His_ t-shirt.

And just like in the hospital earlier he's amazed at how beautiful she is. The natural way in which her skin glows and the color of her hair. Her features that lately have started to seem more grown up, and the wonderful curves of her body. Even now, when she looks lost, tired, confused and weary, she still makes his heart beat faster in his chest.

His girlfriend. The mother of the baby sleeping on his shoulder. His _Brooke_.

"Come here…" he says softly and stands up to meet her half way.

When she reaches out for him with a quivering bottom lip he finally realizes what it is that is wrong with this day. Other than Emma's health and the fact that he might have given a mutated gene to his daughter…

Brooke needs him, and he hasn't been there for her.

Still with Emma sleeping against his chest, he wraps one arm around his girlfriend and kisses the top of her head. Wishes silently that she would tell _him_ why she was crying, not tell someone else over the phone. And as if she reads his mind she mumbles:

"How are we going to do great when you keep blocking me out?"

He closes his eyes and breathes in the mixed scents of her and their baby.

"I know baby… I'm sorry…"

She sighs into his free shoulder and whispers; "Don't be sorry. Be _here_."

_Find your guiding inspiration  
In a place where dreams are made  
With a lifetime's preparation  
It's no time to be afraid_

He doesn't answer her and she's too tired to argue with him. Instead she lets him kiss her forehead and when he intertwines his fingers with hers and pulls her softly towards their room, she simply follows.

Emma's travel cot is put up by their bed since it had felt unnecessary to take the real wooden crib out of its box and put it together for just a few weeks. Although now that decision feels weird. If their baby is sick and needs surgery, then college will have to wait, and the move and the deposit that they've put on the apartment will be the unnecessary things, not the crib.

Silently she watches as Lucas lowers the sleeping baby into the cot, then she whispers:

"Did you change her diaper?"

"Yeah."

Lucas pulls the blanket up over Emma and she reaches down and strokes the soft cheek. Wonders how it can be possible to love someone this much after just knowing her for only three days.

"And you burped her, right?" she continues and checks that the bedding isn't in Emma's face. "She'll wake up if you didn't..."

She can feel his hand on her lower back, his thumb stroking the strip of bare skin between t-shirt and shorts. The sensation is soothing. Calming.

"She's changed and burped. Look, I even have proof..."

Looking up at him she sees him smile and point to a stain of baby-vomit on his shoulder, and she smiles back. She's still equally sad and tired, but this is the boy she loves, and when he looks that proud over a stain of her breast-milk on his clothes, she can help it that the corners of her mouth turn upwards.

Then she looks down at Emma one more time before pulling off her sweatpants and crawling into their bed. Lucas strips too. Pulls his t-shirt off and unbuckles his jeans. His upper body is tanned and she follows the movements of his muscles when he steps out of his pants.

"Take your shirt off" he says and climbs in next to her, and she feels a nervous shiver up her spine. Hadn't he heard what the midwife said after the delivery? They weren't supposed to have sex until the tearing had healed...

"_How do you feel this morning, Brooke? Did you get any sleep last night?" _

"_A couple of minutes here and there..." she smiled shyly at the day-nurse. "I think Emma slept more than both me and Luke."_

_The blond nurse smiled back and looked down at her sleeping baby._

"_Emma? That's a cute name. This little lady is already famous in the nurses-lounge. Everybody talks about how beautiful she is."_

_Lucas came back from the cafeteria just __in time to hear the last phrase and he smiled proudly and handed her a slowly melting Popsicle. The summer heat was slowly killing them both and she secretly envied Emma who for the moment slept beside her wearing only her diaper._

"_Thanks babe" she said and raised her head to reward Lucas with a kiss. A kiss that soon deepened._

_That was until the nurse cleared her throat._

"_Uhrm... sorry to bother you..."_

_She let go of Lucas' bottom lip with a wet kissing sound and Lucas blushed. _

"_It's fine" she said and winked at him__ before looking at the woman. "Broody and I here can always pick this up later."_

"_Good, because I need to cheek you over and make sure that the bleed from your vaginal tear has stopped and that the uterus has closed up properly."_

_Now she was the one blushing. What tear? For some reason she didn't really like it when people discussed her private areas in front of Lucas. Not that he hadn't been down there enough, but still... And she wasn't really fond of having other people than him concentrating on that area in general, especially not today when every single movement hurt and it was even painful to sit up._

"_Just sit up a little and spread your legs" the nurse said kindly and she unwillingly did as told._

_And maybe Lucas felt a little uncomfortable as well because he quickly busied himself with his cell phone._

"_Everything looks fine. You're healing beautifully and you'll be as good as new in no time. You should probably abstain from intercourse for a couple of weeks, maybe five or six. There's always a risk for infection until you're healed fully, and truthfully, it'll probably be quite painful if you stress it."_

_She looked up at Lucas, who looked both embarrassed and slightly disappointed at the same time and she kind of felt the same. Truthfully, she wanted nothing even close to sex at the moment. But weeks? Months?_

_Closing her legs back up she winced and the nurse's words resurfaced. _

_Bleeding... tear... painful..._

_Suddenly picking up on that kissing-thing felt less tempting._

Lucas looks at her confused and she feels herself blush. Maybe he doesn't remember but she sure as hell does. It still stings just to pee, and having sex with him three days after giving birth to a baby scares her shitless.

"We're supposed to wait..." she mumbles. "The nurse said 5 to 6 weeks... remember?"

Lucas frowns and then his eyes grow wide. Quickly he waves his hands.

"No. No, no... That's _not_ what meant. Jeez Brooke, it's been three days! I'm not gonna touch you in that way until you are _completely_ sure that its fine."

He looks hesitant, but then he continues. "I just want to have some skin contact..."

Without answering she pulls the t-shirt off and when he pats his chest she lays her head there and sighs out tiredly. Inside she wants to scream, but on the outside she probably looks completely calm.

His arm is around her, his fingertips running up and down her upper arm, and slowly she relaxes.

"Why didn't you tell me that you were sad?" he suddenly mumbles and inwardly she curses. She had really hoped that he hadn't heard her cry in the bathroom. Now she has the option to be honest and maybe hurt him, or to just smooth it all over with a lie.

Sighing, she goes with the first alternative.

"What could you have done, Luke?" she says and turns to the side on his arm so that she can meet his eyes in the darkness. "You didn't want to talk, you made that painfully clear both in the waiting-room and earlier in the kitchen."

Her words make him sigh too. He closes his eyes and mumbles something that sounds like "It's not that I don't want to talk..."

"Then what happened, Lucas? _Our_ baby might be sick. We're _both_ worried. And if you're upset then I need you to talk to me about it."

She puts her hand on his cheek to force him to open his eyes again. "But instead you close me out. And I get that you feel guilty, but it's unfair. Because I want to be there for you, just like you've been there for me all of these months when I was scared…"

She trails off because she feels like her voice won't hold, and even though she needs him to understand, she still doesn't want to be too hard on him. He looked so broken when they were in the hospital and she's still not sure that he can deal with her tears.

But he pulls her closer, presses his lips to her temple and says "Go on…" so she breathes in and clears her throat, knowing that it won't really do any good. It will still crack ones she starts talking.

"I know that you're punishing yourself, but since you didn't talk to me, I felt like I couldn't put more weight on you... But I'm not that strong either, so I called Rachel..."

Just as she thought her voice breaks. "I told her that Emma might be sick and that I didn't know how to comfort you… that I needed the father of my baby…"

The sigh he lets out sounds so hollow. "I was only trying to protect you, Brooke" he mumbles, and it frustrates her.

"Protect me? How? By locking me out? Don't you know me better than that?"

"You locked _me_ out, baby…"

"I locked you out of the _bathroom_, not out of my head!"

He's still holding her flush against his chest but she squirms out of his grip. It's too hot in the room, he pushes her to the limit and she's starting to get angry.

"You're always so good at saying 'we'll deal with this together'" she says a little louder when sitting up. "When I'm scared, you push me. You want me to confide in you, tell you stuff so that you can help me… But then why can't you see it the same way when you're the one feeling scared?"

He looks guilty again and she can clearly see his eyes flicking towards the baby-cot.

"But I'm…" he swallows. "It's not your fault. It's my fault and I…"

But she just pushes air out between clenched teeth.

"Fuck that, Luke. Forget the whole guilt-thing because it's just a lame excuse for not wanting my help."

She feels tears burning in her eyes. "Newsflash: I _need_ you. Without your help I can't be strong for you... Because my strength comes from _you_, do you understand?"

The tears fall over and run hot down her face. Wasn't the never-ending crying supposed to be over now?

He tries to pull her back towards him by gently tugging her hand but she doesn't want to, and finally he sits up too.

"We're supposed to be a family now…" she sobs when he forces her into his embrace and holds her tight. "Families are supposed to _talk_…"

She doesn't know this for a fact. Her parents had probably never talked to each other about anything essential, and they certainly hadn't talked to her. But she wishes for a family that is close. That trusts each other, talks about problems and loves each other no matter what.

"We talk, Brooke…" he mumbles and kisses her face. "There is no one that I confide in as much as I confide in you… This is just hard…"

He holds her for a long time and when she calms down she can feel him draw a deep breath.

"I'm really scared, Brooke…" he says silently, and she knows that this is his way of showing her that he understands. "What if something happens to her?"

"Then we'll deal with that…" she mumbles back, into the skin of his neck. "We'll deal with it _together_."

The fan spins above their heads and he slowly pulls her back down into their earlier position with her head on his chest. She trails patterns on his abs and lets the sound of the fan combined with Lucas' breathing sooth her. At least until she realizes that she can't hear their baby's breaths.

She shoots up and almost throws herself over Lucas to look down into the cot.

Down there Emma's little chest rises and falls perfectly fine and Lucas voice is soft when he asks:

"What happened, Brooke?"

"I couldn't hear her..."

Lucas doesn't hesitate for a second. He simply reaches down into the newly purchased cot with its cute and fitted bedding and picks their daughter up. Then he lies down again, this time with Emma on his bare chest, before once again patting his shoulder.

"It's okay" he says. "We'll just keep her here with us..."

And this time when she lies down, it's all as it should be. Heart conditions aside, she's in bed with her family. The sound is just like it had been their first night with Emma. Lucas deep breaths, Emma's quick ones, and the silent buzz of the fan.

And finally she feels as if they're home.

_Put our differences behind us  
While we shine like the sun  
See what we've all become  
Together we are one_

-e-

* * *

**Author's note**: One more chapter up. I hope you enjoyed it and that it didn't have too many spelling errors. Crazy much to do at work at the moment and time for proofreading is sparse. Love you all.

/Lynn

**Thank you's:**

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BRUCAS EQUALS LOVE

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	39. Coming Around Again

Authors note: Surprise, huh? LOL

This chapter belongs to especially one person – my beloved Stefy – who never gives up on me. I love you. Now, if you all even remember what happened last chapter, here we go. The title and lyrics come from an 80's song by Carly Simon.

* * *

-x-

**CHAPTER 39 – Coming Around Again**

_Baby sneezes, mommy pleases  
Daddy breezes in…_

The sound of a baby's shrill cry pierces the air and instantly Brooke's eyes fly open in a sudden panic. But the fright only lasts all of two seconds before exhaustion seeps back into her bones and she knows that it just means Emma's hungry. Or fussy. Or tired…

Why wont she just _sleep _then?

"Lucas…" she groans and shoves her face deeper into the pillow. "Luke?"

The room is dark, and when she looks at the alarm clock it reads 4:21. It's too early and it feels like she just shut her eyes. But apparently she's not the only one that wants to sleep because her boyfriend keeps snoring. She says his name yet a little louder while pushing her elbow back into his chest and this time, the body behind her actually moves. She sighs in relief.

He's awake.

"Emma's crying" she mutters sleepily, her voice barely leaving past her lips through a hoarse yawn. "I'm too tired…"

When she hears him shuffle out of bed she closes her eyes again. She misses his warmth but curls up into the spot he's vacated, it makes a nice substitute. Pulling the covers up to her chin, she sighs happily. Her work is done. Seconds later she falls back to sleep.

…_So good on paper, so romantic  
But so bewildering_

"Hi mom," Lucas half-whispers when walking into the still dimly lit kitchen with Emma on his arm. "Keith still sleeping?"

His mother nods and smiles. "Yes. For once. What are you doing up, hun?"

He pulls out a chair and hoists his baby daughter up on his shoulder. Yawning, he finds the pacifier in the pocket of his worn sweatpants and tricks it into the tiny little mouth before she starts crying again.

"Brooke needs some sleep. And apparently I don't."

He shrugs, looking miserable, but honestly he's totally okay with getting up at night with Emma. Brooke usually does it, because when Emma needs to be fed, he can't really be of any service. But she nursed their daughter just half an hour ago and Emma just seems fussy.

His mother smiles again and reaches over to stroke Emma's soft curls. "It's just three days left, son," she says. "Then we'll know. As soon as we get the results it'll get easier."

He sighs but smiles back, knowing that she's right.

"It just scares me," he says quietly and bends his head to kiss Emma's face. Of course it _will_ be a relief to know because just waiting like this is horrible_. Easier_ might not be the right word though. Because if Emma has HCM, nothing is going to feel 'easy'.

His mother nods but says nothing because there's nothing to say that they haven't already said.

"You want coffee?" he mumbles instead and gets up again to start the coffeemaker. Just like the previous seven nights, he's not going to sleep much anyway.

_I know nothing stays the same  
But if you're willing to play the game  
Its coming around again_

Morning comes way earlier nowadays. Way earlier than she's ever been used to. And it's a common knowledge that Brooke Davis doesn't do well with mornings. But there are exceptions to every rule and when she turns in the bed, still snuggled in the sheets, and feels Lucas' lips against her shoulder, then life isn't so bad.

"Morning baby…" her boyfriend mumbles. "Mom's made breakfast."

"Mmm… is there coffee?"

She rolls around and faces Lucas where he sits on the bedside with Emma on one arm. He nods and she smiles wider before reaching out to touch Emma's cheek. Her baby is a week old but she's still amazed every morning to wake up and realize that it's all not just a weird dream.

"I need to nurse her first," she says and yawns. "Come here sweetie…" She reaches for her daughter but instead Lucas leans in and kisses her. "Hey!" she laughs, but he does it again and again until she can't do anything but to kiss him back passionately. However tired she is, kissing her boy still sends shivers down her spine.

Eventually he pulls back but just settles beside her and places Emma in her arms. She runs a hand through his short blond hair and places the baby to her chest while he leans his head against her shoulder.

In her head she repeats the words of Midwife in the delivery room. _Put the baby so that her belly is towards your belly. Let her find the nipple. Make sure she gets a good hold… See, that's how you do it…_

She sighs out in relief when Emma starts nursing, because every _normal_ moment she has with her child makes her think less about all the worries and concerns that are constantly being the elephant in the room.

"Were you a good baby for daddy?" she sooths and plays with her baby's tiny hand. "Did you keep him up the way you do with me?"

She can hear Lucas chuckle in her ear and its comforting. Maybe he laughs because the term 'daddy' is still so weird? In her head, Lucas is still the teenage boy that she tricked into buying whipped cream and condoms at the local drugstore.

"Tell your mom that you were an angel, Em," he whispers to their half asleep infant and hearing the way he says 'mom' is even more weird. If he's still the innocent teenage boy, then she should be the bitchy cheerleader in a way too short skirt. The one busy with parties and gossip.

But she's not.

She looks up into Lucas eyes and he places a soft kiss on her forehead. And for a couple of minutes, as Emma has her breakfast, she feels totally at peace. It feels wonderful.

Moments like this she just longs for them to go to college and start their life in the new apartment. Moments like this she doesn't even remember to feel worried at all.

At least for a moment.

_So don't mind if I fall apart  
There's more room in a broken heart_

"Lucas! I can't find the pacifier…"

She roams around in the diaper bag and comes up with everything possible except for what she needs. Maybe she should be more like Haley? Try and organize stuff better? But it's so damn hard.

It's past two in the afternoon and she's going to meet Rachel for coffee in less than an hour. Yet she hasn't showered, gotten dressed or even managed to dress Emma. She's tried to make lunch, but that backfired majorly and now the kitchen looks like a pigsty. She forgot the laundry that she promised Karen to hang, so now the bathroom is full of half-wet clothes.

She could really use some help right about now, but Lucas is busy watering the plants in the backyard and she hushes the crying infant in the bouncer beside her. It seems that this is a fussy day for her daughter.

"Lucas! _Lucaaas_!"

Finally he comes in through the backdoor and retrieves the missing pacifier from the pocket of his shorts.

"Sorry" he smiles. "I had it without knowing."

She takes it and plugs the crying sound with it before standing up and pulling a hand through her hair. The silence is like cotton for sore ears and she bites her lip not to yell at him for not coming sooner. The kitten-like cry that Emma let out in the beginning after being born has become so much stronger in the last two days. Now her baby wails like a professional opera singer.

"I need to shower…" she mumbles in a distracted tone while eyeing the mess around her. Karen is _not_ going to be pleased.

But Lucas smiles more wickedly. "I'll ask mom if she can watch Emma in the kitchen," he says and looks over his shoulder towards the bathroom door. "I could come with you."

Then his hand reaches out and he longingly drags his fingertips down her upper arm. Roles seem to be reversed lately. Ten days ago she had begged for him to make out with her around the clock, but now…

She swats his hands away playfully and he groans in half-serious disappointment. How can she be annoyed with someone so utterly cute? He looks so adorable when he pouts like that and she bites her lip and gives in. It's just a shower.

"Okay whatever," she says and smirks. "Just remember the rules."

A wide grin replaces the pout and he looks mischievous.

"What should I tell my mom?"

"What do you mean?"

"I can't tell her that I need her to watch the baby so that I can feel you up in the shower."

He gives her a look that says 'right?' and she laughs. "Who said anything about you _feeling_ me up?" she answers with her brow raised. "I thought you were saving in on the hot water."

She re-fastens the towel around herself and his eyes follow her movements hungrily. For a second she contemplates flashing her boobs, just for fun, but she decides against it. Karen could walk in any moment and lately she's been trying to act a little more mature around Lucas mom, just so that Karen won't worry so much once they leave for college.

"You know what I mean Brooke," Lucas whines but she just sticks her tongue out.

"I guess you'll have to watch Emma yourself then…" she taunts. "If you're afraid to ask her, then shower will have to wait for you." She cups his groin and he moans. "Maybe you should make it a _cold_ one," she says and winks.

She cant help but smirk to herself when her daughter picks that exact moment to spit the pacifier out and let out a loud wail that could pierce glass. Hah! That'd keep Lucas occupied.

When she walks towards the bathroom, her smirk grows wider and she drops the towel to the floor anyway. Just because she is scared shitless of actually having sex with him at some point doesn't mean its not still fun to tease him.

Lucas is after all a horny teenage boy.

And she knows _exactly_ what buttons to push.

-x-

The shower is still running by the time the doorbell sounds. Lucas has just placed the now sleeping little girl down in her carrier and he's in the middle of changing his vomit-drenched t-shirt when the shrill ringing pierces the air.

He gets tangled in the fabric and he almost trips over the baby-gym in an effort to get to Emma before the loud sound wakes her up. But it's too late.

"Damn it, Rachel…" he mutters and picks his screaming daughter out of the carrier again. Shouldn't the _godmother_ know that she's _not_ supposed to ring the doorbell when there's a cranky sleeping baby inside with very tired parents?

Emma wails loudly into his ear as he balances her on his shoulder and he steps over Brooke's scattered stuff to get to the door. For a second he contemplates stopping to find a clean t-shirt, but the bell sounds again and he curses.

"I'm coming," he barks, ready to kill Brooke's redheaded friend when Emma's screaming reaches new levels, and he figures that it doesn't matter if he yells at her with a naked upper body.

He rips the door open and without even looking, he snaps "What the hell were you thinking!"

Then he looks up and he wishes that he never even went out of bed this morning, because on the doorstep, there's no Rachel. The second to best alternative would be Nathan, or his mom, but it's none of them either.

"Uhm… hi… Mrs. Davis."

Its Brooke's freaking _mother_.

She smiles, although somewhat tense, probably very confused about the not so nice greeting, and he stutters out a concoction of excuses and tangled explanations, just loud enough to be heard over the sound of his by now hysterical baby. And it takes one quick glace over his shoulder to decide that this situation soon will get worse.

It looks like a battlefield in the entire house and there is no time to try and sort the mess. Even an hour of cleaning would probably not be enough.

"I'm sorry to barge in on you like this," Victoria says and looks at his naked chest in disapproval. "It's just that I haven't heard from Brooke since she called and told me that the baby was born. I was hoping she'd come and visit, but I guess she's been busy."

The tone is a little bitter and the smile is strained. The woman on his doorstep is still a stranger to him and it's weird to think that she's his daughter's grandmother. He's met her on a total of what? Four occasions? And he's still not sure that he likes the way she treats Brooke. But the fact that she's here, making an effort to take part in her daughter and granddaughter's life, must mean that she wants to better herself—_right?_

"I bet Brooke will be happy to see you," he smiles and steps aside so that she can come in. "She's in the shower, but she should be done soon."

Actually he's not sure how Brooke will feel, since lately she's been very tightlipped about her relationship with her parents. He hasn't pressured her because there has been so much else going on. All he knows is that Brooke refuses to talk to her father but that Victoria calls once in a while.

He cringes when he sees Brooke's upper class mother wrinkle her nose and sidestep a rolled up diaper.

"I'm sorry for the mess, Mrs. Davis. Emma has been a little fussy today and we didn't have time to clean up. If we'd have known that you were coming…"

"It's fine." She interrupts him and walks towards the kitchen. "Where's your mother? Isn't Karen home?"

Emma is finally calming down and he kisses her temple and rocks her gently. He wonders if she quiets because of the demanding demeanor her grandmother exudes. Which brings him to another deep thought, so far since entering the house, Victoria has done nothing but merely glance at the baby girl and he's a little confused. Wasn't that the first thing she should do? Meet her granddaughter?

He clears his throat and moves Emma to his other arm. "She's at Deb's house for the afternoon. Would you like something to drink?"

Victoria nods and hesitates slightly before putting her purse down onto the kitchen table. But the moment of snobbery soon passes and she then sits down and stretches out her arms towards him.

"Now give me the baby," she says and smiles a little softer. His previous reservations shrink and he gladly hands her Emma, the tiny beautiful love of his life. The baby replica of Brooke Davis.

"She's a little cranky because she just woke up," he says and watches Victoria hold his baby. It's clear to see that all the women in the Davis family have the same coloring because Emma's dark locks of hair are almost the exact same shade as Victoria's. And Brooke's.

"Mom?"

Brooke appears in the doorway, an expression of complete disbelief written on her face. He reaches out a hand towards her and pulls her into his side so he can wrap his arm around her.

"Hi hunny," Victoria says as if the surprise in Brooke's tone is totally uncalled for. "She's beautiful, Brooke. _Very_ beautiful. You did good."

He can literally feel his girlfriend's shoulders relax at those words and he smiles thankfully towards the woman. Brooke smiles as well. At least until Victoria looks down at their daughter again and says, "The name Rose will fit her perfectly."

"Her name is _Emma_, mom. Emma Karen Penelope Scott."

He doesn't have to look at his girlfriend to know that the smile has turned into a frown. "I told you over the phone."

At the tone of her mother's voice, Emma immediately starts to wiggle in Victoria's arms. A look of discomfort covers her tiny baby features and Lucas wonders if at one week old she is already preparing herself to play referee between the two women. The thought brings an impulsive feeling of concern into his chest.

"I know you did," her mother tussles modestly to subdue the whining infant, "but I thought that you had come to your senses by now." Victoria looks up with two piercing blue eyes. "The name Emma is far too common, Brooke. She needs a better name than that and Rose was the name of my grandmother."

His eyes go back and forth between the older and the younger Davis and he sighs inwardly when Brooke shakes her head and takes Emma out of her mother's arms. The baby instantly stops whining and nuzzles into Brooke shoulder.

"How long are you staying?" she asks coldly and walks over to the sink, probably to occupy herself in order not to start yelling. It pains him that she looks so tense all of a sudden.

"Until I'm sure that you are comfortable in your new role as a mother," Mrs. Davis answers and scans the messy kitchen. "It looks like you both are struggling with this. I told you that you were too young for this responsibility and…"

She doesn't get further because Brooke turns around and shoots off a look of liquid venom. A look that clearly says 'shut up before you go too far.' Victoria falls silent and Brooke simply leaves the room, just as Rachel walks into the house.

"Why aren't you and mini-B ready, slutface?" the redhead calls from the hallway and Victoria's face turns disapproving once more. "I thought you said you had the 'getting ready'-shit down by now?"

From the bedroom he can hear Brooke snap out an angry, "Shut up, Rach!" and he sighs and walks over to put on some coffee for his future mother in law.

Its three days left until they find out if Emma's test-results are positive. Stress levels are high even without this addition of Mrs. Davis and if Victoria is going to be here, it will feel like an even longer wait.

"Where is Brooke going?" Mrs. Davis asks and gives him a frown. "I came to see her and… the baby."

"Emma," he mutters back and takes out coffee cups from the cupboard. "Brooke and Rachel are just going down to the mall. She'll be back soon."

Victoria smiles again and sits up straighter. "Well, I guess this gives you and me a chance to talk."

He fakes a smile and groans silently.

The three days are going to feel like a year.

_You pay the grocer  
Fix the toaster  
Kiss the host good-bye…_

"I can't fucking _believe_ her!" Brooke yells angrily while unsnapping Emma out of her car-seat in the mall parking lot. "She waltzes in as if she was the freaking queen of England, she doesn't even call first, and then she has the audacity to complain about the name I picked for _my_ baby!"

Rachel leans against the hood of the car and nods in agreement, but Haley – who's just arrived and still seems a little confused – makes the mistake to respond.

"Maybe it just came out wrong?" She replies as she rocks the stroller with her twin boys. "I mean, it could be great to have your mom here as support for a couple of days. Lucas said that you're not getting that much sleep… Maybe your mom can help out?"

Brooke snorts, a sound that turns into a dry laugh, and she looks down at her beautiful daughter. Help out, huh? Pass the skills of motherhood from one generation to the next? Not likely.

"We'll kill each other," she mutters and lifts Emma up into her arms. "I don't need her scrutinizing looks right now. I just want to get through the next three days and then…"

She falls silent and Haley comfortingly puts a hand on her arm.

"It's gonna be fine Tigger. This little princess will be perfectly healthy, okay?"

Nodding, she puts Emma in the ready stroller and grabs her diaper bag before locking the car. Rachel is still quiet and she glances at the redhead to see sympathy in her eyes. Rachel knows what it's like and for that, Brooke is utterly grateful. Because Haley doesn't, and neither does Lucas.

She loves her mom, but it's a very complicated 'bordering on hate' love. There is a reason that she hasn't called her mother during the last week since coming home from the hospital. She hasn't wanted to have to explain about the HCM testing, because Lucas certainly doesn't need another thing on her mother's long list of possible disapprovals.

Plus, she wanted to get used to all this before Victoria interfered. The nursing, the diaper changes, the whole 'being a mom' thing. Because honestly, it's so much tougher than she imagined it would be.

It's amazing. _It is_. And when it's like this morning and she and Lucas are both there to cater to Emma's needs, then she loves her life. But when she's alone and she cant comfort her baby like earlier this afternoon, or when she has to get up for the fifth time in the middle of the night to breastfeed, then she sometimes wonders if she's going to go insane.

"I feel for Lucas," Rachel suddenly mutters and pulls a hand through her long scarlet locks. "He's gonna get grilled."

They walk across the parking lot and she nods and frowns. She shouldn't have left him alone with her mother but she couldn't stay in the house one more minute. The frail peace that has been instilled between herself and Victoria during the last six months isn't ready for arguments and yelling.

She reaches into the stroller and touches Emma's cheek.

"Daddy is going to be very pissed at mommy," she whispers down to the baby, trying out those weird and new titles once more. "But mommy's gonna make it up to him."

Rachel fake coughs out "_Slut_" behind her and even though she's stressed, tired and still annoyed, she can't help but laugh. Rachel is incorrigible but it's just what she needs.

The feeling of life being normal.

…_then you break a window  
Burn the soufflé  
Scream the lullaby_

Lucas picks up the last of Emma's scattered clothes and throws the tiny onesie in the laundry basket. He's cleaned up the bigger part of the house, not just because it was needed but to escape Victoria and her million questions.

When Brooke's mom was last here, back when Brooke almost miscarried, he remembers the woman as being rather silent and withdrawn. She had mainly shadowed her husband ad when Charles Davis left, she had seemed like she felt uncomfortable and a little guilty.

But apparently divorcing her husband has made her a lot more 'outgoing' because this Victoria is a presence to be reckoned with. After three hours of having her watching his every move, he's tired and worn, and when Brooke comes in through the backdoor to his bedroom, he actually sighs out in relief.

"Thank god, I thought you fled the country."

His beautiful girl smiles and hands him the car-seat with a sleeping Emma still strapped in it.

"She barfed all over Rachel," she giggles and when he puts the car-seat down on the bed, she reaches up and kisses him. "You should have seen Rachel's face. I thought she was gonna hurl as well."

He can hear Victoria talk to his own mom out in the kitchen and he pulls Brooke in closer. "I bet she cursed, right?" he muses, unconsciously feeling her up. "Did it get in her hair? Did you try and get her to change diapers too?"

"No, that would be pushing it babe. She _likes_ Emma. I want it to stay that way."

They both laugh and some of the pressure disappears for a moment. But then their daughter coughs and lets out a tiny whine. Brooke turns to check on her and his arm stays around her waist as she bends down over the carrier.

"Has she been okay today?" he asks. "I didn't want to call and check up with you guys with your mom breathing down my neck."

Brooke nods. "Yeah, she's been good. She didn't want to eat but I guess Rachel found out why first hand when she tried to move her around too much."

A faint smile covers her face and she brushes her thumb over Emma's cheek. She seems calm, seems fine, but he knows that on the inside his girlfriend is just as worried as he is. Every new sound from their little girl causes worry, and after seven days of not knowing whether or not Emma is healthy, he feels like the answer is getting less and less important, just as long as they'll _know_.

"But she hasn't seemed sick?" he asks just to make sure. "Mom said that we should keep her and Keith away from each other because Keith seems to have a cold."

Brooke sighs.

"I think she's fine. Fussier and little crankier maybe but that could be because she knows that her _grandmother_ is here. And not nice grandma Karen," she mutters and unfastens the baby to pick her up. "I bet Emma can feel that my mom doesn't like babies."

"How can she not like babies, Brooke? Besides, this is different. Emma is her grandchild."

He hates how he sounds so fake when he says it, but frankly he's not sure what to say. Brooke has told him countless stories about her childhood during these last months of her pregnancy and he knows that Brooke had a nanny to the age of ten. One that did pretty much everything a _real_ mom should have been doing.

The sigh comes out of nowhere and when Brooke brings their tiny daughter up to kiss her face, he can see his girlfriend's own face turn sad.

He knows what she's thinking and he presses his lips against the nape of her neck.

"No, baby," he mumbles and holds her tighter. "You're not like her at all, and you never will be."

Just like he will never be Dan.

_I know nothing stays the same  
But if you're willing to play the game  
Its coming around again_

Victoria leaves eventually but the morning after she's back again, equipped with a checkbook and a will of steel.

She wants Brooke to buy a better car seat, clothes for Emma with a little more 'class' – totally unaware that his girlfriend has spent hours sowing the tiny baby garments – and most of all, a crib.

According to Victoria, babies get spoiled if they get to sleep in their parents' bed. And according to Brooke's silent but venom filled response, Victoria wouldn't know jack about that.

Lucas listens in on the mother/daughter conversation in the kitchen and he can hear the tiredness seep from Brooke's voice when she tells Victoria that they already have a crib for their baby and that she doesn't need a new one. It's been a long night since Emma decided that she didn't want to sleep unless someone rocked her and Brooke's patience is probably on an all time low.

Victoria's strong will exudes confidence and superiority and it's clearly breaking Brooke's spirit. There are two days left until they get the results from the hospital and for all he knows, Victoria still doesn't know that Emma might be sick. Imagine the heads that will roll if its bad news that comes back.

Lucas doesn't want to think negative thoughts like that. It feels like a betrayal to his daughter somehow. He frowns and softly slides his hand over her fine hair, _God _she's beautiful. He can't frown anymore, now he smiles.

He made that.

He looks at Brooke and takes a deep breath.

_She _made that.

His chest fills with an enormous amount of pride and he wants to reach out to Brooke and kiss her silly but Victoria picks this moment to point out a growing milk-stain on Brooke's tank top and his girlfriend leaves the room with a loud and frustrated groan.

To get them out of the house, Karen treats them all to lunch at the café, but the already sour mood between Brooke and her mother just deteriorates further. As a bystander, he can see that Victoria probably means well. Several times he sees Mrs. Davis look at Brooke proudly. Her otherwise pretty cold features soften when she watches Brooke handle Emma, but it's as if she can't show it, because when she talks to Brooke it doesn't come out like that at all.

Even he, who doesn't have a past of countless disappointments with the woman, feels stepped on when she points out all of their faults and slip-ups.

Brooke handles it better than he expected but it's clear that for every remark from Victoria, his girlfriend becomes more and more fed up. She doesn't say anything in particular to validate his thoughts but she doesn't have to. It's all in her eyes. Dark with unleashed frustration and strained from tight lipped forced smiles. She's like a ticking time bomb.

Of course he wonders when she's going to blow.

_So don't mind if I fall apart  
There's more room in a broken heart_

By the time they have dinner on the second night, the tension is thick enough to cut with a butter-knife and Brooke feels like the house is shrinking around her.

Karen does her best to entertain Victoria but it's easier said than done. It seems like now that her mom hasn't had the chance to nag on her in such a long time, she wants to voice her opinion about every little thing Brooke does. As if she's making up for lost time and feels entitled to being able to fill in the blanks.

Victoria's attitude is especially strong when it comes to stuff concerning Emma. Apparently she's holding her wrong, she shouldn't bring her to the dinner table, and now that she has, then she should have dressed her properly and not just left her in diapers.

"But mom, its _August_. It's 85 degrees outside."

"It's a matter of class, Brooke." Victoria calmly states and sips her water. "One wears clothes at the dinner table."

Karen busies herself with serving the chicken and Lucas looks away uncomfortably. She knows that they both feel weird about having her mom here like this. At least Victoria had the decency to book a hotel room, but she figures that this decision is more because her mother wants the luxury of room service and nights free of screaming babies, and not because she doesn't want to intrude.

"Did you learn that at the charity events that you and dad went to?" Brooke mutters back sarcastically. "Because you sure as hell haven't passed these wisdom words down to me over family dinners." She raises her eyebrow and rubs Emma's back soothingly. "Oh wait… My bad. We _never had_ family dinners."

Lucas looks at her with a worried expression and she takes his hand under the table and swallows. The atmosphere in the room is almost suffocating. Her mother turns her eyes down towards the table's surface and shakes her head.

"Not this again, Brooke," she says tiredly. "We've been over this. I did the best I could with you."

"Yeah?"

Tears burn in her eyes and she feels so disappointed. She should love the fact that her mom came to give her support in this situation. But she doesn't. 24 hours after Victoria arrived she just wants her to leave.

"Yes Brooke."

"Then why are you putting down _every_ little thing I do?" Her voice cracks and Emma instantly fusses, feeling the change in her mood. "I'm trying to have a normal relationship with you, mom. But you've been missing for the bigger part of eighteen years! You can't _start_ being a mom now. I don't _need_ a freaking mom!"

If she needs support, comfort or motherly advice, then she has Karen. And she has Lucas, and her friends. Maybe it would work out better if her mom was more normal. If she offered a hug once in a while, or at least some other type of spontaneous affection. But apart from the careful declaration of motherly love a couple of months back – nothing.

_Nothing_. Except for money of course. Some things never changes.

She gets up from the table and mumbles an excuse to Karen. Then she takes her infant daughter with her into hers and Lucas' room because she's on the verge of tears and she doesn't want to show her mother how tired and lost she's feeling.

Lucas is right behind her, comforting hand placed on the small of her back, and when he has closed the door behind them, she leans into his chest.

"Make her leave," she whispers, and he kisses her hair.

"If you want me to do that, then I will," he mumbles back. "You know I will, baby."

He probably would but that's not how it works. She's a mother now. She has her own family and a future that needs for her to stand up for herself and her child. It's just that it's so damn _hard_.

For the bigger part of her life she's handled her parents by either keeping out of their way or by acting out to get attention. With parties, boys, crazy late night adventures that in any normal home would have had her grounded for weeks at a time. But not in the Davis household. No, in her family it just meant that her parents cared even less.

And she's trying to be different. She wants Emma to grow up feeling loved and safe. She wants her baby to have rules and boundaries, attention and praise. And she wants her to have a relationship with her grandparents based on _love_, not on bribes.

Carefully she puts Emma in the travel-cot beside their bed and sighs. In every situation like this – especially before she met Lucas – she would have raided the bar-cabinet in her father's study, found a party somewhere and then hooked up with a cute boy that would make her forget. Now two of those options are crossed out, and the third is the only way to go.

So instead of telling him to get rid of her mother, she turns in his arms and snakes her hands inside his t-shirt. His skin is warm and she caresses his abs before pulling the shirt up over his head. He lets her do it but once it's off and she starts placing soft wet kisses over his torso, he mumbles;

"What are you doing baby?"

Inwardly she curses the fact that he knows her so well.

"Shh…" she hushes and kisses her way up his collarbone and neck. "I just want to… _be_ with you."

His hands play with her hair and she presses herself closer to him. "Come on Luke," she whispers and pushes him backwards against the bed. "Just for a little bit…"

He sits down and lets her straddle him. He even lets her pull her own top off. But when he pulls her down with him onto the bed, she already knows that she's not going to get where she wants to go with this. Her boyfriend is way too good. Way too caring.

"I'll kiss you all you want Brooke," he mumbles and cradles her face. "I'll touch you, any way you want me to. But I won't sleep with you, okay? Not yet."

"But…"

"No."

He kisses her softly and she sighs against his lips. She knows he's right. If not for the restrictions from her doctor, then for the fact that both their mothers are still sitting in the next room. So she settles for being close to him, having him hold her and make her feel loved.

"Just one more day," he mumbles against her hair and she nods.

Just one more nerve wrecking day.

_And I believe in love  
But what else can I do  
I'm so in love with you_

They must have fallen asleep because when he wakes up, its dark outside. At first he doesn't know what woke him up but then he rises on his elbow, startled by the unfamiliar sound. While he's still trying to figure out what it is, Brooke shoots up in the bed beside him and practically throws herself over him to get over to Emma in the travel cot.

And then he realizes. The gurgling, gasping sound that he couldn't place, is coming from his baby and it's the sound of her gasping for air.

In the millisecond that passes before Brooke yells at him, he's totally frozen. Every bone in his body scared to the point of paralyzation. But when he hears the panic in Brooke's voice, he snaps out of it and looks at his daughter.

Her lips have a blue-ish tint and she's making helpless whimpering noises.

Something is severely wrong.

"Mom!" he cries out, "Call 911!"

And that's Brooke starts to cry.

---x---

* * *

Thank you's: To all of you who keep giving me wonderful reviews, even when I wait months to update. To all of you that push me to write and make the best of this story. Again, to Stefy for always listening to my crap and for helping me out when I'm stuck. And of course to Elena for inspiring the hell out of me. LOL

To Chey, Daniel, Emma, Cami and all you others that I love love love love!!!

The next update will not take months. Believe me, Stefy would kill me.


	40. The Heart of Life

**AN: **I'm sorry for the long absence. Please know that I appreciate the support from all of you more than you know. The title and lyrics come from a John Mayer song.

* * *

**----x----**

**C****HAPTER 40 – The Heart of Life**

_I hate to see you cry  
Lying there in that position  
There's things you need to hear  
So turn off your tears and listen_

**-l-**

At eighteen, he shouldn't be watching a nurse draw blood from his daughter. At eighteen, he probably shouldn't even be a dad. Yet Lucas stands in a hospital room, at 6.30 in the morning, teeth clenched together and hands balled into tight fists at his sides, while listening to Emma wailing in the plastic hospital cot.

It's not a good feeling. Not at all. But it's definitely better than how he felt while waiting for the ambulance, or when the emergency doctor whisked his daughter away without a word when they arrived to the hospital and nobody would tell neither him nor Brooke what was going on.

At least the sound of Emma screaming tells him that she's alive and breathing.

"There, all done," the nurse soothes and rubs a cotton ball over the prick of blood coming from Emma's tiny pink foot. "Such a good girl, aren't you?"

Brooke forces a tight smile in return for the woman but her hazel eyes never leave their daughter's little face, all scrunched up in tears. His hand instinctively unclenches and he reaches out to rub his girlfriend's shoulder. After almost three hours in the hospital without getting any real information, Brooke looks about as tired as he feels.

For the last fifteen minutes, while the nurses started getting ready for morning rounds, she has just been standing there, pale and silent, but now her cracked voice breaks the silence.

"Can I pick her up now?"

She looks so young with her tear-streaked cheeks and tangled hair. His jacket hangs loosely around her shoulders and she bites her bottom lip while looking at their daughter in the plastic cot.

She looks so young but still; she looks _so_ strong.

"Of course", the nurse smiles reassuringly and starts unhooking the heart-monitor. "The doctor said he'll be in any moment and as long as you leave the oxygen cannula in place for now, you can hold her."

The machine starts beeping when the wire comes off and honestly, it's freaking him out.

_Don't unhook anything_, Lucas thinks. _Just keep every safety precaution in place_.

But Brooke looks relieved. "Okay…" she mumbles and reaches down to lift up Emma. Their baby daughter seems to instantly recognize the feel of Brooke's familiar hands and when she cradles Emma to her chest, his daughter seems to relax a little.

Even so, Lucas Scott decides that he _hates_ hospitals.

The last hour or so he's been doing some major thinking, desperately trying to figure out if there's something wrong with his karma. It's like they just can't catch a break.

First there had been all the drama with Peyton, then Brooke almost miscarried at the basketball game. After she spent weeks on bed rest, the stupid sex-tape came along, and then the fight that almost split them up for good. Damn, he had been so _stupid_ back then.

When Brooke's dad wanted a paternity test, he had already started feeling like they were in an episode of MTV's 'Punked' and that was before their daughter was born with a heart-murmur and before his future mother in law showed up on a tension-filled surprise visit.

Wasn't the fact that he and Brooke were teenage parents enough?

Now their tiny infant girl had been infected with something called the RS virus?

Sighing, he wraps his arms around Brooke and Emma from behind and Brooke rests her head back against his shoulder. As if reading his thoughts she mutters, "Isn't it enough soon?" while he presses his lips against her temple. And right then Victoria walks into the room.

"Brooke?" she starts, the name falling off her lips in more of a command than a greeting, "What's going on? Is Emma okay?"

"She had trouble breathing," Brooke mumbles silently, barely audible over Emma's consistent crying. "The doctor says that she has a really bad cold. Her lips were turning blue and it sounded like she was choking."

Victoria's facial expression is cold and tense when she snaps, "And why didn't you call me at the hotel? She is my granddaughter!"

But just as he's about to protest and tell her that she should use a different tone, then he sees the worry in Victoria's eyes. Her gaze travels between her daughter and her grandchild and for a second she reminds him of his own mother.

Brooke mumbles something about not wanting to wake her in the middle of the night and for once Victoria doesn't protest. Instead she mumbles out a few soothing words and disappears, only to come back five minutes later with two cups of coffee and the doctor.

"Brooke, Lucas," the man says offering a smile, "I'm sorry that I kept you waiting. I had to wait for the RS-labs. How's your little princess doing?"

"You tell us," he mutters back, trying to make himself heard over the sound of Emma crying, and he's surprised when Victoria hands him the second cup of coffee. Probably because Brooke is still holding their baby and declines.

A minute passes while Emma screams bloody murder and the doctor sits down on the armrest on one of the visitors chairs and starts to flip the pages in her file. Then Dr. Sanchez clears his throat.

"The tiny hole in her left ventricle is closing itself nicely," he starts with a nod, "but she did test positive for RSV. I'm guessing that the virus-induced apnea caused cardiac arrhythmia and infantile bradycardia. That's why her lips turned blue."

Brooke paces next to him and her voice is harsh when she snaps "Is it so damn hard for you to just speak English?"

She sounds angry but he knows his girlfriend, knows that she's so stressed out that she's seconds from breaking down and he pulls in a deep breath and asks the question he's dreading the most. "Is this connected to the HCM?"

The doctor shakes his head. "From what we can see based on Emma's first round of labs, none of this is connected to any type of heart decease. This is just a virus, kind of like a bad cold, and we're already treating it with antibiotics." He pats Brooke's shoulder, "A lot of babies catch it and I know that it looks scary but in a few hours she'll be as good as new."

Instinctively he pulls Brooke back toward his chest and kisses her temple. "You hear that, pretty girl?" he whispers, "don't worry."

_Don't worry, because I'm worrying enough for both of us._

"You were supposed to come in this afternoon anyway, right?" the doctor says while flipping the pages again, "To receive the results from the HCM-test, no?"

"Yeah, at 3 pm."

A hint of nausea comes over him at the thought of that and Brooke's hand comfortingly brushes over his. But the Doctor just smiles.

"Well I've called down to the lab and asked to have them brought up now. It will save you guys a couple of hours of wait and the results will tell us if we need to address this with more concern. "

"What results is he talking about?"

He has almost forgotten that Brooke's mother is in the room with them. The dark-haired woman has been standing by the door like a statue, but now, when his eyes stray over to look at her, she looks concerned.

"Mom, not now…" Brooke mumbles tiredly.

"Brooke?" Victoria presses, "What was that he said? Is Emma sick? What is going on?"

To take some of the pressure off of his girlfriend, who's doing her best to stay composed while trying to calm a fuzzy baby still connected to machines, he locks gaze with the older woman and tries to keep his voice normal. "We've had her checked for heart decease," he starts. "We were supposed to find out today if she has Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy."

The concerned expression Victoria sports turns into a confused frown, probably due to the medical term he just used. She looks at Brooke for an explanation but Brooke is completely devoted to rocking their baby. She hums soothingly, caressing Emma's dark hair while being careful not to move the tiny oxygen tube, and his heart constricts. Especially when Emma still keeps crying despite Brooke's efforts.

"Is it alright if I nurse her?" she mumbles over the sound of Emma's kitten-like cries. "She's probably hungry and I…" She sighs and looks at the doctor who nods.

"How about this?" the man suggests, "You and Lucas tend to your baby and I will explain the HCM tests to Mrs. Davis? Then in a few minutes we'll all sit down and look at the results?"

Victoria starts to object, obviously still wanting the explanation from her daughter, but Brooke's bottom lip trembles with threatening tears of tiredness and Victoria stays silent. Then the doctor puts a hand on Victoria's arm and says something in a low voice that Lucas can't hear and surprisingly she agrees to leave them alone. A nurse still busies herself at the other side of the room but he's glad.

They've barely graduated high school after all, and their baby is just eleven days old. Having a nurse there when his daughter is sick only feels comforting.

Brooke sits down in a chair and she leans Emma uncomfortably against one arm while trying to get out of her sweater. She looks frustrated and her elbow gets stuck in the fabric so he steps closer.

"Here, let me take her," he mumbles softly and lifts his daughter from her arms. She smiles faintly, whispers a watery "Thank you," and detangles herself from the material.

It feels good to do something helpful but just as he hands Emma back to Brooke, his cell phone vibrates in his pocket and he steps out of the room to take the call. He's pretty sure it's his mom because she's been calling every hour, but instead it's Haley.

"Luke, Karen called us," her voice comes laced with worry through the phone, "is Emma okay?"

"Yeah," he sighs. "She's better. They gave her medication and some oxygen. She's got a really bad cold. Some baby virus…"

Haley sighs. "Oh, Luke, I'm so sorry…"

"It's fine. I just worry about Brooke, you know? She's under so much pressure with her mom and everything and we've barely been home with Emma for a week." He kicks the wall absentmindedly with his sneaker. "It's been enough lately… Don't you think?"

"I know sweetie," Haley says softly. "All you can do is try and be strong for her. And it will calm down. You'll get the results back today, Emma will kick this virus, and then everything will get better. I promise, Luke. It _will_."

"I don't know…"

From inside the hospital room he can hear Emma start wailing again and feeling more than frustrated, he groans and lets his head thump back against the wall in the corridor. All the worrying over the past week lies heavy on his shoulders and he absolutely _hates_ that he can't do more help Brooke, who's taking an even bigger emotional hit by all this since she hardly gets any sleep.

"God, Hales," he groans, "how did everything become so complicated?"

Turn back time less than a year and his biggest problems had been sneaking in after curfew without having his mom catch him or trying to decide what fucking pair of sneakers to wear for school. His biggest worries were insignificant compared to what they're dealing with now and he almost laughs at the drama between himself and Peyton. It all feels so damn juvenile and dumb in comparison.

"Brooke's mom knows about the HCM-test," he then mutters to his friend on the phone, "and if that woman didn't hate me before… Well, I guess this will seal the deal."

Haley sighs. "Stop that, okay? No one hates you. And no one blames you either. We've talked about this, remember?"

"But what if we can't deal with this?" he keeps probing, "What if Emma has it and it all becomes too much? Brooke and I… I mean– This isn't how we planned things…"

"How you _planned_ things?"

Haley sounds a little confused, maybe even a tiny bit irritated, but he keeps banging the back of his head against the dull white plaster wall.

"There're just a couple of weeks left before summer is over," he mutters, "and we planned to take Emma to the beach. I'm not sure it's a good idea but Brooke really thinks she'll like it. And then Mouth and Skills promised to help us drive most of the stuff up to Raleigh next weekend and we're supposed to move into the apartment the weekend after that. But if Emma needs to have surgery, then how the hell can we move?"

A nurse glares at him in passing and he stops the thumping long enough for the woman to disappear around the corner. Then he promptly resumes the idiotic outlet for his nervousness.

_Thump__… Thump… Thump._

"And if we don't move, then how will Brooke go to college?" he mumbles while rubbing his face tiredly with his free hand, "Hales, I told Brooke that everything would be fine, but how _can_ it be if she can't take that scholarship? We planned all this so that she could have the baby and still go to school but if we can't even move out of my mom's house, then how-"

Apparently Haley is tired of listening to his complaining.

"And you think _I_ _planned_ to get pregnant with twins?" she deadpans. "Or even to get pregnant in the first place?" The pause she leaves is not meant for answering, at least he knows that much about girls. Instead he chews on his bottom lip and waits.

"Seriously, Luke? Do you really think that Nathan and I sat down one night and _decided_ that he should knock me up even though we could hardly support ourselves on our part-time jobs? Or that we chose the 'two for one deal' just to spice things up a little?"

Another pause and this time he's not sure if maybe he's meant to answer after all.

"Uhm…" he starts but Haley snorts in an annoyed manner and he can picture her rolling her eyes and glaring at the phone.

"Yeah, _of course_ we did because it was just _so_ _convenient_ for us to have premature twins on the night of my high school prom!"

"Hales…" he tries again, because he's starting to feel a little stupid now. Of course they didn't choose that, but that's not the point he's trying to get across. Is it?

But just like always when Haley's temper starts to rise, it's very hard to stop her. His childhood friend has the patience of a Saint but once the switch flips? Then dealing with a temperamental Haley James-Scott is like walking in a mine-field. Anything can trigger an explosion.

"And how about your mom, huh?" she pushes on. "I bet Karen _planned_ to raise another child on her own, just as the first one was about to leave for college. And I bet that she really couldn't _wait_ to become a grandma before turning forty. Jesus, Lucas, grow up!" she barks in a considerably raised voice. "_None_ of us planned these things but they happened anyway. And guess what? Your mom was just as young as you are when she had you and she might not have known that you carried the HCM gene but she was _alone_."

Stunned, he looks at the phone in his hand before returning it to his ear. Haley sounds pissed off. _Really_ pissed off.

"Dan left Karen high and dry and yet she managed to raise you and keep you fed and healthy without any freakin' help what so ever. And she might not have gone to college but she managed to start a freaking _business_ while taking care of you. Because that's what you DO, Lucas! When life gives you a shitty hand of cards, then you do the best you can. You deal with it, okay? Just like the rest of us has to do!"

Sometime during Haley's rant, his head has stopped hitting the wall. Now he just stands still, listens to his best friend's breathing on the phone and feels like a real idiot.

In the beginning, when he first found out that Brooke was pregnant with his baby, then he had thought about his mom and drawn parallels between her situation and his own. But he had actually thought more about Dan's decision to leave and not take his responsibilities as a father.

And during those first months he had felt proud that he was different. Like when he held Brooke's hair back for her when she had morning sickness, or when he tried to satisfy her 3am food cravings. Then he had felt good about himself.

But now he realizes that he never really pictured it from his mom's point of view. He'd always been aware of the huge sacrifices that his mother made for him but he never really thought about how she _felt_.

"I get that you're scared right now, Luke," Haley's voice drifts into his ear in a much softer tone.

_Scared_?

Talk about a fucking understatement.

Ever since he heard his daughter's heartbeat at the doctor's office six months ago, he has been constantly worried. About Brooke's health, the baby's health, their future, their dreams. About his parental skills or Brooke's. About money and school and things as pathetic as if they've picked a good name for their child or if his daughter will get teased for it.

He's been more or less scared every day for seven months.

But during all this, he's had Brooke right beside him. They've had each other and when shit got too much to handle, then Brooke had shouldered the worries for a while. On top of that, they've also had the support of his mother and their friends.

Like Haley and his brother for example, who've got two babies that they couldn't even hold for the first couple of days because they were too small. But not once has Haley whined about that to him.

"I'm sorry…" he mumbles while his cheeks grows warm and probably pink with shame. "I didn't mean to unload it all on you. I know that I sound like a pessimistic and selfish asshole. I'm just so worried…"

He can hear her shuffling over the line and her voice is softer when she sighs, "I _know_ that you are worried about your daughter, Lucas. You are allowed to worry about her. I just feel like you're... I mean, look at your mom, Luke. It was tough for her as well but she wouldn't trade you _or_ your baby brother for anything… Not one day of it."

He lets the last words sink in and Haley probably thinks that his silence means that he's angry because she breathes out and mumbles, "I'm sorry. Forget it. I don't even know what I'm talking about…"

But she does. _She knows_. Because Haley and Nathan are going through all the same stuff that he's dealing with and for the first time since he was told that Emma might be sick, he realizes that Haley probably battles these same kind worries daily.

Money, school, relationship-issues, the constant fear of doing something wrong or screwing up her kids.

And for the first time in weeks, he actually hears how tired his friend sounds.

"How about you, Hales? Are you okay?" he questions carefully and as response another sigh comes through the receiver.

"No. I'm not 'okay'," she bites back, "I'm tired and I'm frustrated because as soon as one kid sleeps, the other one wakes up, screaming his bloody lungs out. Which of course wakes up the first one and then the whole song and dance starts over again."

As if on cue, Lucas hears the sound of a baby crying in the background and when Haley continues talking, she sounds even more tired.

"I'm also feeling really guilty," she sighs, "because my two best friends are stuck in a hospital with a baby that might have a serious heart-condition and I can't even be there to comfort them like they did for me. Why? Because I'm stuck at home since I'm too scared to bring Jamie and Josh in fear of them catching the same virus that Emma's got, and I can't leave them at home with Nathan since he had to go work."

Something that sounds very much like a sob interrupts her rambling and she sniffles, "So instead of being supportive, what do I do? Well I decide to act like a complete bitch towards my _best_ friend and I end up biting his head off although he's done _nothing_ to deserve it."

She lets out another sob and it's clear now that she's crying, "But that's the thing, Lucas. It's _life_. Sometimes it's shitty and unfair but there's not much you can do about it except for _dealing_ with it."

And maybe Haley is right?

So he thinks about that for a second, while people rush by him in the corridor of the pediatric ward and his friend on the other line tries to calm down Jamie or Joshua – and probably herself as well.

He thinks about _life_. And about dealing. He ponders what kind of life he has to offer Brooke if Emma has HCM and they'll have to postpone college indefinitely in order to work so that they can pay for Emma's surgery. How they'll deal with it and what kind of problems they might face. But then he realizes that this is exactly what Haley is trying to make him see. That life – and dealing with it for that matter – happens in the 'now' and not in the 'what if?'.

"Haley, don't beat yourself up so much," he sooths while walking back towards Emma's room. "It was a hell of a lot easier for me and Brooke to comfort you guys when the boys were in the NICU because we didn't have a baby then. And I still wasn't around that much, remember?"

His godson – whichever one it was that made all that noise – has calmed down and he can hear Haley mumble something that sounds like, "It doesn't matter. I still knew that you cared."

"Exactly," he replies softly. And when he steps inside the room he simply picks his now contently sleeping daughter up from Brooke's arms, completely ignoring the surprise on his girlfriend's face, and hands her the phone.

"Haley misses you," he just says as if that explains it all and then walks over to sit in the chair across the room.

They way Brooke almost sighs out in relief upon hearing Haley's voice tells him that she feels the same and he smiles when Brooke starts recounting every word from the doctor over the phone.

Then he sinks back into the cushions and looks at his sleeping baby. She's beautiful, even with the nasal cannula taped to her face and her cheeks tinted red from fever. She's perfect, whether she has HCM or not.

It's _life, _he thinks to himself and traces her ridiculously small button-like nose with the tip of his finger. _Sometimes it's shitty and unfair but there's not much you can do about it except for dealing with it. _

And there are parts of it – like Brooke and their baby girl – that he sure as hell wouldn't trade for the world.

**-b****-**

_You know it's nothing new  
Bad news never had good timing  
Then the circle of your friends  
Will defend the silver lining_

It's weird how something as small as talking to a friend on the phone can make things feel so much better.

After just a few minutes of hearing Haley's voice, Brooke feels like at least half the tiredness she felt earlier has been swept away. And Lucas seems to feel the same because instead of pacing back and forth like he's been doing most of the time since they got here, he now sits calmly in the chair across from her, gently playing with Emma's wispy locks of hair.

"You know," he says when she places his cell phone on the small table next to her, "I keep thinking that if Nathan and I hadn't gone to that Bobcats game in Charlotte, I wouldn't have known about my heart-problem until the championship. And that nosedive I took on court would have come as a complete surprise. I mean, I never felt sick from it or anything like that."

He says it softly but she shudders involuntarily never the less, because she _really_ doesn't like to think about that championship game.

"Maybe, but things could have ended in an even worse way," she whispers back, not to wake Emma. "If you hadn't taken any medication at all during that time, you might have done permanent damage to your heart."

She gets to her feet without thinking and walks over to sit on the armrest next to her boyfriend. "I'm glad Nathan tricked you into taking that test. You went seventeen years without any medical supervision and you were lucky that you didn't end up dead on that court, Luke."

Her fingers rake gently through his messy blond hair and he smiles up at her.

"And leave you?" he half-jokes, "Not likely."

"You better not."

He probably knows that she doesn't find what he said funny at all and his blue eyes meets hers apologetically before he wraps his hand around her wrist and brings it down to his lips so that he can kiss her palm.

"What I meant to say," he mumbles as he intertwines their fingers, "is that I was born with the defective gene and for what I knew, I was healthy for seventeen years. If Emma ha–"

She starts to interrupt him because she doesn't want to hear it. He keeps blaming himself and she's tired of it. But he looks at her seriously and keeps talking. "_If_ Emma has HCM, Brooke, then she might feel normal for even longer than I did. If she gets the right medication from the start and she doesn't get involved in sports that put too much strain on her heart, then she might _never_ feel it." His eyes turn to their daughter, "I mean, maybe I misunderstood the doctor, but didn't he say that the hole in her heart was closing up by itself?"

"Yeah," she nods, glad that he's starting to see this her way, but she's still not really following.

"Well if the hole in her heart is closing, then there's no need for surgery, right? So even if she has the defective gene, she could still feel healthy for years."

Her first reaction to his words is to frown because she has to make sense of what he's saying. She'd been so caught up in Emma when the guy was talking and she hadn't listened as hard as she should have. But it sounds logical, the way Lucas says it now, and her frown unconsciously gets replaced with a much more relieved expression.

"You're right," she breathes and leans her head against his. "You've never needed surgery. She –"

This time, Lucas interrupts _her_ by kissing her. And it's not until she hears her mother's fake cough behind them that she realizes exactly how deep the kiss is getting. Blushing, she stares at the floor for a second, but when she finally does look up, both Dr. ?? _and_ her mother seem amused.

"Sorry for interrupting but we have the test results," Dr Sanchez says and holds up a file. "Shall we?"

**-****l-**

He holds his breath and his hand instinctively searches for Brooke's, intertwining their fingers. Emma is still sleeping on his chest and her slightly wheezing breathing sounds doesn't really calm his nerves. But the doctor is smiling and he really hopes that he and Brooke's mom are bringing good news.

Just because the phonecall with Haley had reminded him that he should cherish his girls and that Emma could have a good life even _with_ HCM, it doesn't mean that he has stopped hoping more than anything that their infant daughter is healthy.

More than anything he wants their baby to be well.

Even more so when he feels Brooke's increasingly rapid pulse through the thin skin of her wrist. More than anything he wants this to be over an for it to end well so that his girlfriend won't have to through all this stress.

"What did it say?" Brooke whispers next to him and he realizes that Victoria is smiling as well.

"The labs came back negative. Little Emma does not have HCM."

"Are you sure?"

This time it's his own voice he hears, kind of like in an out-of-body experience, and the doctor nods.

"Yes. We tested for both the defective gene and for the carrier-trait. And your daughter has neither. This little princess takes after her mother. Other than the cold, she's healthy as a nutcracker."

Every ounce of worry that has plagued him for the last week –or maybe since he first realized that he could pass it on to Emma– disappears and the relief is so enormous that he almost breaks out in tears.

"And-, Um… I-," he stutters and starts over, "You, well you said that the hole is healing, right? And this cold or virus or whatever it's called is gonna go away?"

Brooke's hand, still clenched around his, tightens its grip almost to a point of being painful. Automatically he squeezes back and with the other arm he holds Emma just a little bit tighter.

"Yes. The oxygen has already handled the discomfort she felt when breathing and the antibiotics will kick in shortly. You can take her home in an hour or two."

He blinks. Stares back at the doctor, probably with an almost dumbstruck expression on his face. The whole thing feels close to unreal and it takes a couple of seconds before the words actually reach him.

_Emma is healthy._

_She has no sign of heart decease._

_All the worrying during this past week was in vain and w__e can take her home…_

He looks at Brooke and she has the same expression on her face. Just minutes ago they had finally leveled with the thought that their baby had a heart condition. And now she hasn't.

There's a tug on his hand and then Brooke's lips are pressed against his.

"I love you," she whispers with such relief that he can almost taste it and he repeats the three words back to her while she wipes her tears away against his shirt.

Then she kisses Emma's face and mumbles, "You're okay, baby… it'll be fine."

He knows that she's saying it out loud because she needs to actually _believe_ it, not because their week-old infant needs the reassurance. Emma is blissfully unaware of how much he and Brooke have been worrying over this.

Then, in the corner of his eye, he sees Victoria walk over to Brooke and hesitantly reach out for her. For a second, Brooke doesn't move, but then she takes the step forward and lets her mother hug her.

And by the look on Victoria's face, it's clear that she needs the silent forgiveness that is included in Brooke's acceptance of the hug, just as much as his girlfriend needs the silent motherly comfort.

"I'm sorry I was so hard on you, Brooke" the older woman mumbles into his girlfriend's hair. "I'm so proud of you, hun…"

Silently he agrees. He's damn proud of her too.

**-****b-**

_Pain throws your heart to the ground  
Love turns the whole thing around  
No, it won't all go the way it should  
But I know the heart of life is good_

By three in the afternoon they're at home again and she's so tired that she's about to fall asleep standing. Not even the residue hormones after carrying a baby for nine months can give her the boost of extra energy that she needs to be able to keep standing up.

But Lucas is her savior. Ever since this morning, when getting the news that Emma hadn't inherited his heart-problem, he's been so calm, so _strong_. He handled everything at the hospital. Dealt with the insurance papers, the instructions from the doctors on Emma's antibiotics, the constant nagging worried questions from her mother and the continuous phone-calls from Karen. He took everything with stride, all the while she just sat in a chair, either nursing Emma or watching her baby sleep.

While she'd been exhausted, he had seemed almost invigorated. And in all honesty, _he_ should be a lot more tired than her.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles, collapsing onto the bed in Lucas room while he puts Emma down in her cot and cleans away their stuff. "I'll help you clean up later."

"What are you sorry for, Pretty girl?" he mumbles over his shoulder, keeping his voice soft not to wake up their baby. "You're tired, Brooke. It's totally understandable. You haven't had more than two hours of sleep in the last thirty-six hours."

"Neither have you," she mutters and feels even more guilty when he comes over to comfort her.

"No, but I haven't spent the last 9 months pregnant," he says and sits down on the bed next to her. "And I didn't give birth to a baby less than two weeks ago; neither did I spend half of all my hours awake with said baby stuck to my chest."

She giggles sleepily. "No, and thank _God_ for that. That would have been awkward, Luke."

"Oh, shut up," he chuckles and rest against the headboard before pulling her close so that she can put her head on his chest. And then his fingers comb through her hair with soft movements.

"Thank you, broody," she breathes and rubs her cheek tiredly against his t-shirt. "I wouldn't have gotten through the last month without you."

"The last month?" he asks and she nods.

"Yeah. The extra weeks of being pregnant, giving birth, thinking that Emma might be sick and then everything with my mom…"

She can feel him smile as he kisses her hair. "You know that it's starting, right?" he mumbles, "now there's college and of course the whole 'being parents' thing to conquer."

She's about to answer him but instead she yawns and Lucas goes back to playing with her tangled locks. "Just go to sleep Brooke. We can talk more later," he whispers, "you should take a nap while Emma is sleeping."

His voice is so soothing and for the hundredth time she wonders how the hell she would have dealt with all this – this being a mom and a teenager at the same time – if she didn't have him to constantly reassure her.

She's been so worried and tense but with Emma sleeping peacefully in her cot, declared healthy and everything, she finally starts to relax. The muscles in her neck and back protest and ache but she still sighs contently and her hand finds its way up underneath his t-shirt. Its subconscious almost, the need that she has to always feel his skin when they're lying next to each other like this.

She can feel his abs tense for a second under her hand but then he pulls her even closer and tucks his hand into the elastic waistband at the back of her shorts, almost as if he was tucking it into her back pocket.

"Should we give her more medication?" she asks sleepily and listens to the light sound of their baby snoring. But Lucas simply tucks her head in under his chin and hushes her.

"She's okay, Brooke. Now sleep."

And she trusts him. She trusts him so much. And less than five seconds later her eyelids fall closed.

**-****l-**

Its closer to six o'clock in the evening when he wakes up, probably from the sound of car stopping outside. Brooke still sleeps at his side and after raising his head to take a quick look at Emma in the cot, he realizes that so does his daughter.

He squirms a little to get more comfortable because Brooke is still resting on his arm and it's numb from being in the same position for three hours, but the movement just causes Brooke to shift closer and he groans quietly when her thigh slides against his groin.

Torture.

"Brooke," he mumbles silently and rubs her back with the hand of his half-asleep arm.

She hums something inaudible and nuzzles her nose into his neck, tickling him with her warm breath. He bites his lip and wills the growing bulge in his basketball shorts to go away. It's been eleven days since Brooke gave birth to Emma and they're not supposed to do anything even remotely sexual until it's been at least a month. That said, it doesn't mean that he doesn't _want_ to.

Carefully he moves her leg and tries to shift away from her sleeping form. Emma is going to wake up any minute and he wants to give his girlfriend a couple more hours of sleep. There's breast-milk in the fridge and he has bottlefed their baby before. But Brooke moves after him and still sleeping she keeps molding her body after his in a delicious way.

Her hand is still inside his t-shirt, resting on his chest close to his heart. She's slept like this pretty much ever since they got back together and he loves it, loves having her close. It's just that during the last week – ever since coming back from the hospital – they've both been so worried and there's been so much occupying his thoughts that he hasn't paid much attention to _these_ kinds of feelings.

Now, when Emma is safe – apart from the cold she still has to kick – and Brooke keeps running that hand softly over his torso while sleeping, it reminds him of all the things that usually occupies his teenage mind when he's in bed with Brooke Davis.

So for a couple of minutes he allows himself to run his hand up her naked thigh and his fingers slides just along the hem of her tiny summer shorts. Then up along her waist and side until he feels the material of her bra underneath the tank top. She sighs contently and still sleeping, her lips press against the skin of his neck.

Three more weeks…

Maybe longer.

Biting back a groan, he finally detangles from her and tucks a pillow close to her so that she won't wake up when he gets out of bed. Then he gets up and silently retrieves his infant daughter out of her cot.

"Come on, Ems," he hushes and holds the baby close while walking towards the kitchen. "Daddy's got you. We need to get _away_ from mommy for a little bit."

And as he makes it into the room, waiting for his child to wake up so that he can feed her, the backdoor opens and Rachel steps inside.

"What's up, loser-boy?" she says and throws her purse on a chair. "How's my god-child."

"She's better," he smiles back. "The antibiotics are working."

Brooke had of course already told the redhead that Emma doesn't have HCM and even though Rachel wears her usual nonchalant smirk, he knows that she's relieved.

"Where's Karen?" she asks and slumps down on a chair at the kitchen table, "and where's my skank ass friend?"

"My mom's at Deb's with Keith. Emma might still be contagious and if it wasn't my baby-brother who gave her the virus then she doesn't want him to catch her cold." The baby in his arms starts fussing and he bends his head and places a kiss on her dark hair. "Brooke's sleeping. She was exhausted."

Rachel chuckles, "And you couldn't sleep because you're too horny?" she asks and winks, making him drop his jaw in surprise.

"Um, what?" he croaks out but the redhead just rolls her brown eyes and laughs.

"_Come on_, Lucas. You were _tenting_ when I walked in. It's not brain-surgery."

Groaning in embarrassment, he turns and walks over to the fridge to prepare Emma's bottle.

"Not cool, Rachel…" he mumbles exasperated and juggles Emma on one arm while roaming around on the shelves to find the milk. But Rachel laughs.

"What's wrong with an old fashioned jerking off in the shower?" she asks innocently and takes Emma from him to help him out. She makes a concentrated face as she tries to get a good hold on the baby and carefully walks back to the chair to sit down.

Brooke's best friend is crude and utterly annoying and sometimes he wants to tell her to just shove it where the sun doesn't shine, but even though he'd never admit it to her, this time she's probably right.

Because it doesn't matter that he's a father now and that the last months have held more drama than anyone would need in order to grow up faster than one should. He's still a eighteen year old guy with a girlfriend that's hotter than most. And he's going to need all sorts of distractions in order not to maul Brooke at every available moment.

"Just shut up, Rach," he mutters and grabs a clean baby-bottle from the cupboard.

It's going to be three very long weeks.

_Pain throws your heart to the ground  
Love turns the whole thing around  
No, it won't all go the way it should  
But I know the heart of life is good_

_I know it's good_

---x---

* * *

**AN**: this story has been giving me a lot of grief during the past months and I'm sorry that I've disappointed so many of you by not updating in such a long time. I love all of you that still reads it and do my best to finish this for you in the best way I possibly can.

Love

/Lynn


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